Love Is Blind Pt. 1 [Sneak Peak]

Ashely E. Brown
I Once Was Blind
But Now I See
Part-1
By: Ashley E. Brown
ii

I Once Was Blind But Now I See Part-1
Copyright © 2017 Zambezi
All right reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, or by
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except brief quotes used in reviews.
ISBN-1
Printed in the USA
iii

i

CHAPTER 1
I can remember growing up. It was just my mom, sister and
me. We didn't have our dad around, so it was just us. My daddy
was never there for my sister, and I can recall days that I would
call him, and he would make promises but never came through.
Some weekends I would sit on the porch with my bags packed,
waiting for him to show, and he would never come.
At times my mother will pull up after getting off work and
would always come to comfort me. My face would be drenched
in tears. I would still have hopes of him coming to get me, but
when I called to see why he stood me up, he would block the
number. Now, who would do their child like that? My sister never
fell for the okie dokie. That hurt me so bad. I really wanted Harry
so bad to be a dad to me, but it just wasn't something he wanted.
His other kids he treated like gold. He even had the nerve to
tell me one day on the phone while my mother was at work that
he didn't think he was my dad. He even gave me the other man's
name and told me I should give him a call. So I took it upon
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myself at the age of 12 to call Ben to get some answers. Ben was
shocked that I called and to hear that my so-called daddy would
tell a child that. As the phone conversation went on, Ben told me
he was at sea before and after my mom was pregnant.
Teisha, Ben states I really wish you were my daughter. I
would have been glad to be your father, but I'm sorry that I am
not. Ever since that occurred, I have held that against my dad.
Yes, I forgive, but I will never forget.
After that, my mom sat down with me and told me some of
their stories. They first got together when she was 16, and he was
18. She ended up getting pregnant with my sister Tracy at 17.
Harry was there initially for my mom and did everything he could
do, but all that eventually changed. They got married, and she
ended up pregnant with me at 20. Things started to fall apart with
them. One night she caught Harry at a house party a couple doors
down from where they lived.
After my mom saw him leaned against the refrigerator getting
his nack on, she walked up and tapped him on the shoulder. Harry
turned around like he saw a ghost, and she said I'll see you when
you get home.
Around 2 a.m., she realized he made it back and was on the
couch asleep but drunk. She stripped him butt naked and beat his
ass with his own belt. Boy, I couldn't hold back the tears. I was
laughing so hard. I wish I was a fly on the wall. My mother really
endured a lot of headaches from my father. Telling me her side
of the story made me believe everything she said due to him
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standing me up. She finally filed for divorce after having me. She
was so tired of stealing, lying, and cheating.
My mother knew she was worthy and knew she deserved
better. My mother would work double shifts to make sure we had
what we needed. The days she would get paid, she would always
take us grocery shopping and to Walmart. Every little bit she did
for us counted. We thought we were rich the days she got paid.
Even though he wasn't there, my mother held it down as a single
mom.
Some nights, my mom would work a shift, and my sister and
I would have to stay home by ourselves. My grandmother stayed
right above us in some public housing apartments. She was just
a phone call away. I loved going over to my grandmother's
because I always had someone to play with. Being at my mom's
was boring because my sister never wanted to play. Every
Sunday, I would get in that church van with my granny. I was her
favorite out of all the grand kids. She kept my sister and me while
my mom worked since I was a baby, but my sister started
watching me when my granny became sick. Grandma Ednea was
everything to me. I couldn't go a day without talking to her or
seeing her.
I had an older cousin name Sam that lived with my
grandmother. Her daddy was my granny's son. She stayed fussing
at my granny and me because I would eat all her snacks, and
grandma Ednea acted like she knew nothing. My first experience
was picking strawberries with my grandma Ednea and grandpa
Andy. He picked us up in a 1970 LTD. My granddad and granny
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weren't married and didn't live together. He is what you call a
rolling stone. He had a total of 13 kids, but 7 were my granny's.
I really miss the great moments with that lady.
***
One particular night, my mom was on the 2nd shift. My
grandmother was in the hospital. Our home phone had a shortage
in the line, and we knew my grandmother had a phone, so I
decided to walk to her apartment with the spare key. The night
was falling, and the streetlights were on, and it was very warm
out. I felt safe walking up because all of the neighbors knew me.
I finally made it to my grandmother's door, and I heard a man's
voice. I turned around, and it was that city judge, Judge George.
He was a tall, fat, old, white man who lived next door for years.
"Hi Tesia, how is your granny doing?"
"She is fine," I replied.
"Well, before I leave, I want you to come over. I have
something for your granny."
"Ok, I will." I proceeded to go on into the apartment, grabbed
the phone, and locked the door. Knock, knock. "Come in, Tesia,
stand right here, and I'll be back."
I looked around at the quiet, empty apartment. I had never
seen this old man have company at all. It was weird. He came
back and with nothing in his hand. He stands in front and says,
"don’t move.” The old bastard starts groping me in between my
legs, saying, “don’t this feel good?” I pushed away and took off,
running as fast as I could, and didn’t look back.
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I got home and called my mom at work. I was so scared. The
next day, she called the police, and a detective came out and
persuaded my mom not to go through with it all because that fat
fuck was a retired city judge. At that moment, I saw that no one
cared about me or loved me. I started acting out. No one, and I
mean, no one, mother, father, or anyone, cared or loved me
enough to protect me, and I put all the blame on my father. If he
had been there, none of this would have happened. That incident
changed my life forever.
My granny ended up moving into assisted living. I was glad,
so I would never have to see that monster’s face again. She stayed
there almost three years before my sister and I went to check on
her after a weekend trip to the beach. That’s when we found her.
She was sick and died in her sleep. Everything in my life
started to change for the worse. My family stopped going to the
home church after that.
We used to go to church, and most of us followed my aunt to
her in-law’s home church. My mother just completely stopped
going. Since I had no ride and was determined to go, the church
van picked me up faithfully every Sunday, and I soon joined the
choir. I was so proud of myself. I even got baptized at the church
with no family support. I was proud of my baptism; I ran into the
house to tell my mom, but she was not thrilled at all.
As I started to get a little older I would walked around the
block in the neighborhood, the guys would always say slick
things to me and whistle. That had my head blown even though I
was 13 looking fiye. You couldn’t tell me nothing; I had big legs,
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a small waist, and wide boobs for my age. My hair was beautiful
and long. I thought the world of it, and I always wore it hanging.
I would never stay in the house even though Tracy tried. My mom
always worked, so she couldn’t stop me. But mama always told
me, “A hard head will easily make for a soft ass.” Tracy easily
tried for my mom, but I had my mind up and broke all hell loose.
Running across Marcus daddy really done it. One day I went
out for my daily stroll because I could never sit still, and a little
black Honda pulls up beside me,
“Hey, what’s up, girl? My name is Jamar! What’s yours?”
“My name is Tesia!”
“I’m trying get to know you. Can we exchange numbers?”
“Yes”
“Well, Tesia, nice to meet you. Hit me up on my beeper.
Later that night, I beeped Jamar, and I started talking with the
boy over the phone. He seemed pretty cool, and I was feeling
him. Learning that Jamar was 18, I had to tell him that I was16.
A couple weeks later, I slid off during the night while my mom
was on the night shift. He picked me up around the corner. I
thought I was cute. It was summertime, and I was fine hot and
with my little shorts and half shirt on.
Jamar was cute himself, at least, I thought. He had a low cut
like a fade, and he was about 5’10, 180 pounds, pecan tan, and a
big nose. He could dress through. He matched from head to toe.
We rode for about 20 mins or so, talking and shooting the shit.
Jamar was playing that “Biggie and Lil Kim” Another Man. That
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was my shit. We finally approached this little hotel in the cut.
That was my first time ever being in a room with a boy.
We sat and talked a little. He started to rub on me, and I
jumped. I told him I never had sex that I was a virgin. Looking at
him in his eyes, he seemed unmoved about that. I was scared. He
calmed me down and promised not to hurt me. We laid down and
had sex. I felt so disgusted with myself. It hurt so much I was in
pain, but he kept telling me it would be okay. After we got
dressed, he dropped me off at home, and I never heard from him
again until the devastating news came.
School started back, and I was over-excited about going to the
8th grade. This would be my time to shine on the volleyball team
and band, so I could be one of the chosen one's freshman year.
The clarinet was my instrument of choice. After weeks of school,
my mom took us shopping to get us the things we didn’t get from
the beginning. Before going home, she ordered us pizza for the
evening dinner. I started to feel nauseated after eating, so I ran to
the bathroom, vomiting everywhere.
My mom questioned me, but her intentions knew better. She
kept quiet for a while. A day or so later, I heard her calling my
aunt Tammy to take me to the doctor since she would be working.
I was so scared, and everything was running through my mind. It
was Friday, August 22, 1997, and all the kids at school were
talking about the first football game and meeting up. But here I
was, a sad little puppy.
Tammy came and signed me out of school and drove me to
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the doctor without saying a word. I bet she glad she had two boys
and didn’t have to go through this. Getting into the room, the
doctor came in for me to pee into a cup. My aunt Tammy and I
sat patiently waiting on the news.
Dr. White came in and told me that I was pregnant and I was
due March 8, 1998. We left, and my aunt took me with her to her
son’s football game. The whole time I could only think what my
mom would have to say. Is she going to beat me or what? Pulling
up to the house, my aunt revealed the news to my mom. She was
very hurt. She wouldn’t say nothing to me for weeks. Finally, she
asked who the father was. I told her and gave her the number.
After speaking to him, he learned my age, and I learned that he
was 10 years older than me.
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