V19 N21

Page 20 EXIT ZERO July 1, 2021
his guts until he put on a Philly
uniform. Much respect. (This is a
sports item, for readers like Tim
Joyce who did not know Boston
had a baseball team. Also, the
best part of the NBA playoffs
has been watching the games
with my boys Henry and Owen.
Owen, whom I shielded from
Philadelphia Phandom for 18
years, is just now learning that it
brings nothing but interminable
stretches of pain, an occasional
unexpected championship, then
interminable stretches of pain.
I’m sorry, son.)
My old (old, old) friend Tom
Cupp got married last week! I
asked, “Who’s the lucky fella?”
because I’m still edgy enough
to make gay jokes, and he told
me it’s a woman named Donna
Daniles, with whom he had a
relationship years ago that was
recently rekindled and she’s
totally real and not made up AT
ALL. (But seriously, congratulations.
Tom is one of the nicest
guys around and deserves all the
happiness he can find. I just feel
bad for Donna…)
United Nations of Undertow
of the Week: I will do whatever I
can, diplomatically, to broker an
agreement between the Avalon
Bagel and T-Mobile stores in
Rio Grande to clean up that
gross-ass, busted-up smoker’s
pole that’s been left to molder
between their shops the last several
months. Let us unite in the
sweeping up of that shit.
I don’t know what world-renowned
pastry chef Michel Gras
is giving away over there at Chez
Michel (Park Boulevard), but
every Thursday morning when I
drop off magazines the lines are
longer. Perhaps it is his world-renowned
pastries. Perhaps it is
crack. But probably his pastries.
Which are like crack.
I always just kind of want to
hang out at Evolution Salon &
Spa (Bayshore Road just before
Villas) when I drop off their bundle
of EZs. There’s a nice vibe,
everyone seems happy, it smells
nice. But they never invite me.
Which is kind of mean and now I
hate them. (Sorry, no gigs means
I’ve been sober for almost a week
and my moods are pretty volatile.
It’s nice there. Go get your
hair did.)
I kind of feel like Brad
Ransom (Nauti Spirits) and I are
best friends now. He’s cool, I’m
sorta cool. He’s got an awesome
dog named Marshal, I’ve got an
awesome dog named Charlee. He
gives me finger-guns when I pull
up with magazines... you make
finger-guns with your middle
finger, right? (I kid, I kid…)
Tish Roussos Moment of
the Week: I asked her if TNT
should play outside last weekend
because it looked like rain. She
said, “It’s going to be a short little
aggressive blitz” and I now have a
name for my sex tape.
Gordon Sterling, EZFS bartender
and really the heart and
soul of the whole operation, was
cool enough to hang out at TNT’s
first Ferry Park gig last week. It
was then I noticed the man bun.
I’m not sure if I hate it because
I can’t grow one or because it’s
a man bun, but one thing’s for
certain, I do really hate it. It’s the
only part of Gordon I don’t like.
Well, that and his janky boat feet.
Saw A Quiet Place 2 in Stone
Harbor the other night ( B+ but
be advised; the first 20 minutes
is the best part, the rest of it is…
fine) then stood in line for an
hour for some Springer’s homemade
ice cream. Worth it. But a
little birdie (Pete Baldwin) tells
me you can also get Springer’s at
The Creamery (Junction of Rt 83
& 47). As a diligent investigative
reporter, I will have more on this
next week.
There’s an ironic joke to
be written about Cape May
Contracting having a plywood
window in front of their brick
and mortar on Sunset — I’m just
not smart enough to write it.
’Til next week, don’t get
caught in The Undertow.