Maturity Journal - June 2021 Issue

J u s t f or L a u g h s
Maturity Journal
Hometown History
Contest
Presented by Lyn Martin, Special Collections Librarian,
Willard Library
Emails
Study the photo below, answer the question relating to the photo, and
forwarded by Judith Stock, MJ reader
you’re a potential winner! It’s that easy! Entries may be made by sending
a note or card to the address below. Please include your address and
Subject: E-mail has paralyzed my life ... Please read.
telephone number. Entries must be received no later than the 17th of the
As we progress into 2021, I want to thank you for
month to be eligible, and only one entry per person will be allowed. The
your educational e-mails over the past year.
winner will receive a Meal for Two at Carousel Restaurant.
I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of Send your Hometown History Contest entries to:
recovery.
Maturity Journal, 8077 Marywood Dr., Newburgh, IN 47630
I can no longer open a bathroom door without using Don Mattingly was born in Evansville
in 1960 and graduated from
a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my
ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the Reitz Memorial High School.
Drafted in 1979 by the Yankees,
lemon peel.
he continued his career as a professional
baseball player until
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because
I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have 1995 when he retired to become
consumed over the years.
a manager. Since then, “Donnie
Baseball” has managed the New
I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has York Yankees, the L.A. Dodgers
placed it on the floor of a public toilet.
and is presently the manager of
I must send my special thanks for the email about rat the Miami Marlins. In honor of his
accomplishments, this marker was erected and a street
poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use was named for him. In what location can you find this
a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. tribute and drive down Don Mattingly Way?
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I
smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
SPONSORED BY:
Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only
get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my Congratulations to Teena Fulkerson of Newburgh
friends and make a wish within five minutes.
who correctly identified Albion Fellows Bacon in
I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along our May issue. Teena has won a $25 MasterCard from
to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my Evansville Teachers Federal Credit Union.
back seat when I'm filling up.
Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine
because a big black snake could be lurking under the Experts in Senior Care
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husband's cousin's best friend's beautician!
Oh, and by the way ... A German scientist from
Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that 4255 Medwell Dr., Newburgh IN 47630
people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails (812) 853-2993
with their hand on the mouse
Don't bother taking it off now; it's too late!! .... MJ
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June 2021 Page 13