crush_zineread

Makeshift Makeshift Splint Splint
I could hear I could the bones hear the beneath bones my beneath skin crack my skin and crack crunch and under crunch the under weight the of weight both of both
our silence. our But silence. it was But easier it was to ignore easier what to ignore it spoke what and it spoke hope and for the hope best. for Then the best. I Then I
worked up worked the courage up the to courage ask for to a bit ask of for reality a bit of to top reality the to load, top thinking the load, it’d thinking be a it’d be a
fraction of fraction a feather. of a But feather. instead But it instead put me over. it put me over.
Explanations Explanations and intentions and intentions hailed down hailed on me down from on above me from and above I collected and I every collected every
little piece, little despite piece, my despite body screaming my body screaming it couldn’t it take couldn’t any more. take any But more. instead But ofinstead of
telling you, telling I put you, the pain I put aside. the pain I smiled aside. and I smiled said it and was said ok. it And was my ok. apartment And my apartment
became my became own little my own island, little sealed island, off sealed from the off rest from of the the rest world of the by a world never-ending by a never-ending
ocean. There ocean. wasn’t There enough wasn’t water enough in the water ocean in the to hide ocean me to and hide this me unbearable and this unbearable
weight away, weight so I away, cried so so I much cried I so emptied much I myself emptied out myself completely out completely until there until wasthere was
nothing holding nothing everything holding everything up except up a rickety except skeleton. a rickety skeleton.
held on too held tight on and too my tight fingers and my turned fingers purple turned and purple cracked and at cracked the joints. at the And joints. maybe And maybe
it’s because it’s I because came later, I came your later, grip your was looser grip was and looser it was and easier it was for easier you to for let you go. to let go.
Broken fingers Broken snapped fingers each snapped way each surely way taught surely me taught a lesson. me But a lesson. I wonder But if I wonder my if my
bones will bones sink into will the sink dust into of the your dust past of your until past you forget until you they forget were they ever were there. ever there.
Caring for Caring someone for who someone does who not care does as not much care for as much you is for a weight you is that a weight breaks that breaks
the bones the that bones keep that the spirit keep standing. the spirit And standing. having And someone having on someone your mind on your far mind far
more than more you ever than were you ever on theirs were crushes on theirs and crushes grinds and the grinds soul down the soul into down a into a
thousand pieces, thousand sprawled pieces, out sprawled in the out dust in it’s the left dust behind it’s left in. behind in.
My bones My laid bones in pieces laid in in the pieces dust, in and the I dust, watched and I you watched pick up you a pick few pieces, up a few pieces,
only to drop only them to drop when them when better the option better came option again. came But again. I never But showed I never you showed you
how much how that much hurt. For that some hurt. For reason, some I was reason, determined I was determined not to let you not to see. let For you see. For
some reason, some my reason, own peace my own was peace worth was sacrificing worth sacrificing to keep yours. to keep yours.
Each word Each of yours word that of yours came that before came held before deep held meaning deep to meaning me, but to in me, an instant but an it instant it I mourned I as mourned the weight as the continued weight continued to crush me to crush down me deep down into deep the ground, into the my ground, my
seemed to seemed lose all to its lose value. all And its value. every And embrace every that embrace seemed that charged seemed with charged sparking with sparking fractures fracturing fractures fracturing themselves. themselves. I tuned out I tuned their snaps out their as numbness snaps as numbness took over. took over.
connections connections seemed to seemed mean nothing to mean to nothing you overnight. to you overnight. Attempts Attempts to softly let to me softly let me But when But mourning when mourning time was up, time I was up, determined I was determined to fit the pieces to fit the of my pieces of my
down piled down onto piled my back onto like my back bags of like cement. bags of And cement. instead And of instead sharing of the sharing load, Ithe load, I skeleton back skeleton together back and together release and the release words the begging words to begging get out to of get them. out Iof them. I
took on the took burden on the of burden your choices of your for choices you and for kept you it and hidden. kept it hidden.
gathered up gathered my split up spine my split and spine cracked and ribs. cracked I sat ribs. myself I sat up, myself gathering up, gathering dust dust
and debris and around debris me around to create me a to makeshift create a makeshift splint to prop splint up to my prop broken up my legs. broken legs.
You never You knew, never but knew, every but action every that action came that after came snapped after each snapped limb, each one limb, by one. one by one.
And I was And sent I tumbling was sent downward, tumbling downward, crumbling crumbling under everything under everything that dropped that on dropped me. on me. But I never But found I never another found chance another to chance say something to say something and stand and up for stand myself. up for myself.
By the time By I the picked time up I picked the pieces up the and pieces found and courage found coursing courage in coursing their in their
Certainly, Certainly, things said things and done said and applied done pressure, applied but pressure, maybe but I was maybe to blame. I was to Myblame. My marrow, time marrow, had already time had left already everything left everything behind. So behind. I saddle So my I saddle bones my in bones in
fingers clenched fingers so clenched tightly so to tightly false images to false and images past moments, and past moments, that they lost that all they feeling lost all feeling those makeshift those makeshift splints and splints let time and do let what time it do does what best. it does best.
and I couldn’t and I release couldn’t the release load I the knew load was I knew killing was me. killing It was me. my It first was time my first feeling time sofeeling so
connected connected to someone to and someone everything and everything felt so light felt and so natural. light and We natural. rode the We same rode the same Sometimes Sometimes I run my fingers I run my along fingers where along the where fractures the heal, fractures and I heal, close and myI close my
wavelength wavelength for days and for days days in and your days space in your that space you asked that you me asked to stay me in. to In stay those in. In those eyes and find eyes myself and find in myself the past. in I the open past. my I eyes open in my memories eyes in memories I thought I were thought were
moments moments you made you me made feel wanted, me feel and wanted, I did my and best I did to my make best you to make feel the you same. feel the same. imbued with imbued something with something special. But special. I always But remove I always myself remove and myself feel at and a feel at a
distance. Instead, distance. I Instead, focus on I learning focus on to learning walk again. to walk Everyday, again. Everyday, I take a few I take a few
But maybe But I was maybe gathering I was gathering too much too in my much hands in my too hands fast. I too let the fast. excitement I let the excitement carry carry more steps more than steps yesterday. than yesterday. My bones My shake, bones telling shake, me telling that they me have that they morehave more
me away and me away didn’t and realize didn’t that realize picking that up picking all these up things all these and things holding and them holding all inthem all in healing that healing needs that to be needs done. to But be done. day But I’ll one find day my I’ll balance. find my Now, balance. I just Now, I just
my arms was my arms a risk. was Perhaps a risk. it’s Perhaps because it’s this because was my this first was experience my first experience that I that I wonder if wonder the marks if the left marks behind left will behind ever fade will ever with fade time. with time.
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