Cool Scots by Greg Moodie sampler

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Greg Moodie is the cartoonist at The National, Scotland’s newest daily
newspaper. He is the author of three collections of cartoons, Greg
Moodie Versus The Union, Election Dissection and Striptease, as well as
Borrowing Burns, a semi-fictional or ‘factually dubious’ account of the making of
his series of Tam O’ Shanter murals.
Technically Dundonian, he graduated in Fine Art from the city’s Duncan of
Jordanstone College of Art sometime before the invention of fire, but believes
that, like Vegas, what happened there stayed there.
He has written two novels, The Unbearable Stupidity Of Being and Six Degrees
Of Stupidity, which he would dearly like to see in print before he dies, as he’s
unlikely to try anything so foolhardy again.
He currently resides in the Torphichen Free Republic (population 570), a
conservation village and island state in Hidden West Lothian.

COOL SCOTS
Greg Moodie
Luath Press Limited
EDINBURGH
www.luath.co.uk

First published 2018
ISBN: 978-1-912147-20-5
The author’s right to be identified as author of this book
under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 has
been asserted.
The paper used in this book is recyclable. It is made from
low chlorine pulps produced in a low energy, low emission
manner from renewable forests.
Design and layout by Greg Moodie.
Printed and bound by Gomer Press, Llandysul
© Greg Moodie 2018
www.gregmoodie.com

INTRODUCTION
There is an old Scottish saying: Some are born cool, some achieve
coolness, and some have coolness thrust upon them. At least I think it’s
Scottish. It doesn’t matter. The point is, there is no shortage of cool in
Scotland, and narrowing it down to 42 exemplary individuals has taken a great
deal of graft and some heated debate at the Torphichen Inn. Best buckle up.
In 2016, I produced a series of murals at said hostelry (they didn’t ask me to,
I did it when they weren’t looking), based on the Robert Burns poem, ‘Tam O’
Shanter’. With six panels complete and no idea what to do with the seventh, longsuffering
landlord Mr Kenny spotted my handiwork and suggested a portrait of
the artist. I was flattered that he would welcome my permanent presence on the
tavern wall as well as my permanent presence at the bar. He said he meant Burns,
and declared loudly to the Torphy throng that I was a dullard of the highest
standing. I was touched.
I agreed to do his bidding, and believe he was expecting tartan, heather, and
all the other things you only ever see on the Royal Mile. But the following week,
when I revealed my psychedelic Beano-wielding Burns, I nevertheless sensed
that he was pleased. At least after the initial fainting and hysteria.
Several days passed and a recuperating Mr Kenny had received feedback from
The Village People, the bleary-eyed residents of the Torphichen Free Republic.
‘They say it’s ‘cool’,’ he offered hesitantly. ‘What does that mean?’
‘It means it’s a work of unparalleled splendour,’ I replied. ‘You’re very
lucky to have made the boozy acquaintance of the genius behind it.’ He seemed
confused, but that’s a default state in this part of the world.
It got me thinking. If a single Cool Scot could cause a stocky bald man to lose
consciousness, imagine the impact of a series. I set about compiling a list, trying
to limit the number of beards and old blokes who appear on teatowels. That’s
when it struck me. Scots may have invented the entire world, even discovered
parts of space, but according to the history books, they were all guys.

That’s right slackers, the story of Cool Scots is the story of men doing great
things and being applauded, and women doing great things and being ignored.
Or women being written out of history. Or women having to fight for things we
now take for granted, like the right to vote or attend university. As I discovered,
cool Scottish women in history are plentiful – you just probably don’t know most
of them yet.
‘Men, women, living, dead, Scots spanning the best part of a millennium,’ said
my publisher, who, whilst a deviant of note, is mercifully clean-shaven. ‘How do
you plan to present this discovery?’
‘Cool is timeless,’ I replied. ‘I shall pluck each of my subjects out of history
and depict them in the hipster style of my choosing.’ He looked at me askance
and threw back his Absinthe.
The longlist became a shortlist. The shortlist became a shorter list, and that
became the gem that you’re currently reading over someone’s shoulder. Not a
definitive cool grouping by any means, but one that Scots can be proud of, and
presented here in an order deliberately designed to jolt your feeble brains out of
their preconceived ideas of time.
Celebrate the achievement. Marvel at the bravery. Shed a tear at the heartbreak
and tragedy.
Try not to faint.
Greg Moodie, December 2017

CONTENTS
ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL • 2
WILLIAMINA FLEMING • 4
ROBERT BURNS • 6
MARGARET MACDONALD • 8
IVOR CUTLER • 10
MURIEL SPARK • 12
JACKIE STEWART • 14
EVELINA HAVERFIELD • 16
JAMES CLERK MAXWELL • 18
JOAN EARDLEY • 20
JOHN MARTYN • 22
MARY SOMERVILLE • 24
R.D. LAING • 26

MARGO MACDONALD • 28
ANDREW CARNEGIE • 30
FLORA MACDONALD • 32
SEAN CONNERY • 34
ANNIE LENNOX • 36
JOSEPH KNIGHT • 38
MARY BARBOUR • 40
ALASTAIR SIM • 42
JESSIE KESSON • 44
ALEX HARVEY • 46
JACKIE KAY • 48
BILLY MACKENZIE • 50
JAMES BARRY • 52
RIKKI FULTON • 54
WINNIE EWING • 56

ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON • 58
VICTORIA DRUMMOND • 60
IAN HAMILTON • 62
EVELYN GLENNIE • 64
JIMMY REID • 66
NAN SHEPHERD • 68
KENNY DALGLISH • 70
ISABELLA MACDUFF • 72
IAIN BANKS • 74
MARION GILCHRIST • 76
EDUARDO PAOLOZZI • 78
MAGGIE BELL • 80
STANLEY BAXTER • 82
JESSIE M. KING • 84
INDEX • 87

ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL
(1847–1922)
Scientist and inventor
At first glance, it may seem odd that the person most closely associated
with the invention of the telephone should have devoted the majority
of his professional life to working with the deaf. But hey, that’s just the
sort of complexity that makes Scots so cool. You’ll get used to this sort of thing
as we go on.
Born in Edinburgh plain Alexander Bell (‘Graham’ was an 11th birthday gift
from his father after young Bell’s plea to have a middle name like his two siblings.
Clearly the family had some social standing, as in those days only the wealthy
could afford middle names), Bell’s father and grandfather were elocutionists, and
both his mother and wife were deaf.
At the age of 23, Bell emigrated to Canada, then to the USA, and developed
a system called Visible Speech for teaching deaf children. He was fascinated
by all aspects of speech and began conducting experiments into transmitting it,
although being amongst Americans, it’s hard to see what kept him motivated.
By 1875, Bell had developed a basic receiver that could turn electricity into
sound and applied to have the device patented. Others had been conducting
similar experiments at the time and there is considerable debate as to who
correctly filled in the patent form first.
Thus began Bell’s latter-day career as a court appearancee. It was an
unfortunate situation given that the only thing worse than dealing with
Americans is dealing with lawyers, and needless to say, dealing with American
lawyers really is the pits.
It’s telling that in later life Bell considered the telephone a nuisance and
refused to have one in his study. But generations of teens would attest to the
greatness of the invention, even if ironically their fascination with it might be
contributing to the art of conversation’s decline.
Coolness rating: Too cool for America
2