Sep/Oct 2023

50
South Woodford Village Gazette
The Law, Seriously
Derek Inkpin from local solicitors Axiom DWFM takes the law seriously,
but even he knows sometimes the law can be an ass… especially if
you get a bit tipsy in a pub
We are surrounded by laws and
regulations every day of our lives,
the dos and don’ts which regulate
society and all of us in it. However, against
the serious background of most rules, the
following bizarre laws still exist.
• The Licencing Act 1872 makes it clear you
can’t be drunk in a pub, and since 2003, bar
staff cannot legally serve drunk people.
Time to practice your sober face.
• The Madhouses Act 1774 restricts property
owners to one “lunatic” per residence.
• If you fire a cannon within 300 yards of
residential properties, you will commit an
offence under the Metropolitan Police Act
1839. (So, measure out 301 yards to avoid an
issue).
• If you want to avoid a library fine,
confirmation that you have cholera should
do the trick under section 25 of the Public
Health (Control of Disease) Act 1985.
• If your alarm goes off at 3am, failing to stop
it breaks the Clean Neighbourhoods and
Environment Act 2005.
• You can be annoying in public, unless you
go to the library, in which case, irritating
someone there would be contrary to the
Library Offences Acts of 1888 and 2005.
• Unless you don’t mind a £500 fine, don’t
carry a plank or ladder on a pathway.
That would be against section 54 of the
Metropolitan Police Act 1839.
• Knock down ginger (you remember,
knocking and scarpering for fun) is illegal
and could land you with a £500 fine.
• Whatever you do, don’t beat your dusty rug
in the street. Pollution is OK, but giving your
neighbour a tickly throat is definitely out.
• Singing obscene lyrics in the street is an
offence; just hum the dodgy parts to avoid
a fine. Yes, it’s that Metropolitan Police Act
1839 again.
• Everyone knows you cannot open someone
else’s mail, but delaying the post contradicts
the Postal Services Act 2000, so no chatting
to the postie, please.
• Looking guilty holding a salmon suggests
you are a poacher and therefore liable for
an offence under the Salmon Act 1986.
• A bye-law passed by Daventry District
Council in 2015 prescribes that failing
to produce an empty poo bag when
challenged could result in a £100 fine.
So, now you’ve been told.
Axiom DWFM is located at 9–13 Cambridge
Park, Wanstead, E11 2PU. For more
information, call 020 8215 1000
To advertise, call 020 8819 0595 or visit swvg.co.uk