Surrey Homes | SH110 | March 2024 | Kitchen & Bathroom Supplement inside

Mum & I
Clara Hebblethwaite shares her very
personal experience of supporting her
mum through vascular dementia
After four turbulent years of mum
living alone in London with vascular
dementia, we made the decision to
move her into our local Woodchurch village
care home at the beginning of last year.
Mum had been diagnosed in 2019, and,
as the condition took hold, we came to
realise that the move was essential, despite
our hearts being torn. She, the glamorous
diplomat’s wife, the life and soul, who had
led an independent and colourful life all over
the world, reduced to wandering the corridors
in a state of confusion. Her distress is ours
as she goes down the plug hole, her strength
of character determined not to let go.
It has been so important for me to seek
out any possible nuggets of joy within this
storm and to support others where I can. I
have felt a strong urge to be part of her ever
changing and scary reality, like a mother
would their child. I’ve come to accept that
mum is now on a secure wing and that,
however painful it is to see her in this way,
life must continue and we can feel productive
and positive by bringing life to her.
It has been interesting to see that, rather
than looking back, she feels way more
comforted by happy experiences in the
present. The now is so important. The
feelings generated by the imprint of all those
she comes into contact with are real.
We’ve got very lovely visitors such as
Karen, a reflexologist, and Donna, a care
home entertainer, who come in to give
mum reassurance, fun and distraction via
hands-on comfort, engaged listening or
good time dancing. Mum and I have also
done lots of planting outside the care home
entrance which we’ve loved, and bringing a
little bit of hope and colour to those carers
and visitors coming and going feels right.
One of the highlights in terms of
understanding dementia has been thanks to
the Virtual Dementia Experience that we
organised in the New Year. Having fundraised
over £1,300 we were able to secure a Virtual
Dementia Bus to come to her care home and
provide 32 of us with valuable training on the
dementia experience. The group included 20
carers, 2 managers, 3 GP admin staff, 1 trainee
paramedic and 6 family members. I wanted to
increase insider knowledge for those involved in
the day-to-day care of those with dementia and
we were given an intense 7 minute experience
of how it feels to have dementia, followed by
digestion of these feelings and training. It was
frightening to feel, even for a short time, how
mum does every minute of the day and then
insightful discovering why dementia sufferers
do certain things or react in certain ways.
We know so little about this terrifying
‘mind death’ and, as a family, over the last
few years have felt like we’re stabbing around
in the dark trying to figure out the best way
forward. The plan now is to use some of
this learning to train others, not only family
members in mum’s care home but also staff in
other care homes, so that they can adjust their
approach to those they look after accordingly.
Dementia is the grimmest of grim and it
cruelly affects so many. It’s a one way ticket
and those who have it are incredibly brave. I
am hopeful that an increase in understanding
and empathy will help many to find ways to
create nuggets of joy for all those involved.
Sources of support: Autumna: Directory of
Care Homes, Home Care, Live-in Care &
Retirement Living, plus advice on finding care,
paying for care and funding. Farley Dwek
Solicitors: specialists in Continuing Healthcare
Assessments. Woodchurch Post Office Coffee
Shop: relatives of those with dementia meet first
Monday of the month, 10-11am. All welcome.
Outstanding care within an independent Home
Maintaining the highest
professional standards within
a quiet, comfortable ‘Home
from Home’ environment
Outs
an in
Mainta
standa
‘Home
• 24 hour expert Nursing Care
by qualifi ed nurses
• Long stay or respite care for seniors
• Excellent home cooked menu
• Varied range of activities
• Comfortable and friendly atmosphere
• Personal service with family-run values
For further information call today on 01737 240563
or 242647 or visit www.wray-common.co.uk
Wray Common Road I Reigate I Surrey I RH2 0ND
24 hour
Long st
Excellen
Varied r
Comfor
Persona
For further information call today on
01737 240563 or 242647 or visit
www.wray-common.co.uk
Wray Common Road I Reigate
Surrey I RH2 0ND
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