Healing trauma - A personal journey

FEATURE
Healing trauma:
A personal journey
By Sashi Sehgal
As a child the idea of trauma did not cross
my mind. Rather, I unconsciously lived in a
world where unkindness, rejection and namecalling
were the norm. Some peers knew me
as Sashi, others as ‘Paki’. As I grew older, feral
behaviours developed, self-sabotage ensued,
addictive behaviours followed and my mother
in particular received the blows of a teenage
son that released rage at her for the world that
he had no understanding of. Trauma was not
something I was cognisant of then, but the sense
of distrust, edginess and relational breakdown that
I experienced, symptoms of a problem which my
body was most certainly responding to, are very
similar to those I have observed in the children
and young people I have counselled over the years.
Van de Kolk (1994) links these symptoms
to experiences of trauma and PTSD.
Although not recognised at the time, these
symptoms and responses were largely a result
of the racial trauma I endured through my
childhood and adolescence. I felt extreme shame,
hiding behind a mask and not able to begin to
open up to my family about these experiences
until I was in my 30s.
About the author
Sashi Sehgal is a counsellor, coach and
supervisor who has worked extensively with
children and young people both as a teacher
and counsellor, and currently has a private
practice based in Derby.
A lack of belonging
From my viewpoint, others around me seemed to
belong. Peers who were Asian seemed to connect
well, others of Afro-Caribbean origin also seemed
to enjoy acceptance, and while I had a friendship
group inclusive of these and Caucasians, there
was a nagging feeling that led me to believe that
I did not belong and could not identify fully in any
of these places. As a result, I learned a chameleon
culture, embracing a range of experiences, yet
again, not really having a firm place of belonging.
Being a person of mixed heritage has offered
both much wealth, but at times a feeling of
inferiority also.
Ongoing damage
Coming to the Lord had a profound impact upon
my life. Indeed, for the first time in my life, I felt like I
belonged to someone and had a purpose. Yet, there
were areas of damage that were never attended
to. At the age of 17 I encountered some personal
difficulties, but I did not have the resources to deal
with these. Indeed, there were wounded areas of my
soul that inflicted damage both upon myself and,
sadly, upon others too. De Souza (2009) says that
trauma “makes the personality fragile and impairs
character development”. This certainly was true in
my case. Indeed, I am very grateful to have engaged
in the world of counselling and in particular come
across the Waverley Integrative Framework (WIF),
not merely for the benefit of others, but for myself
too. I was helped to see the impact of years of low
self-esteem and insecurities, and to find a way to
move beyond these.
What I have discovered is that “common sense is not
that common”. My experience has left me deficient
in certain areas, and through those and my own
frailty, I have not dealt with situations well or with
honour to others. While empathy might aid me in
my acceptance, it does not negate the fact that I
have hurt others. This is to my regret. Thankfully,
through much support, challenge and healing, I
am becoming the man I can like. Growth has been
slower than I would have liked, but it is happening.
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spring 2024

Safe spaces
As counsellors there is such need for our taking
such a role in the lives of others, to bring a safe
place to grow, heal from but also to learn about life
from too. As we increasingly embrace our call to
‘heal the sick’ within a holistic approach, we trust
that the outcome for each person, couple or family
we work with will have a ripple effect as they learn
how to relate better with others in their lives.
There is clearly a need for both the role of
counselling and therapeutic input in a range of
settings, to individuals and couples, but further
group settings too. Beyond this, I am also extremely
grateful to the Lord for a dear Brazilian pastor and
friend who has introduced me to the role of pastoral
counselling and inner healing which, alongside
remaining in scripture, walking with the Lord and
through counselling, has served to leave me feeling
‘safer in my skin’ than I could have ever imagined.
As you continue in your call to care, may it be that
the God “who is able to do immeasurably more
than all we ask or imagine, according to his power
that is at work within us” (Ephesians 3:20), fill you
with the fullness of him so that he does beyond
what you could have imagined was possible.
References
1. de Souza Borges, Marcus. (2009)
Approved By God. Brazil: YWAM
Publishing.
2. van der Kolk, Bessel A. (1994), ‘The
Body Keeps the Score: Memory
and the evolving psychobiology
of posttraumatic stress’,
Harvard Review of Psychiatry,
1, 5, pp. 253-265. Available at:
DOI:10.3109/10673229409017088
(Accessed 26 January 2024).
3. Wears, Charlotte. (2021), ‘Working with
the Waverley integrative framework
(WIF). Exploring the experience of
counsellors, trained in the WIF, in
incorporating the framework into
their therapeutic practice’, Waverley
Abbey College Journal, 1, 2. Available
at: DOI:10.52456/WACJO124 (Accessed
26 January 2024).
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