CMW-WB-CH08

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Chapter 8 Overview Premarital sex and cohabitation before marriage are seen as good and healthy steps towards marriage in our culture today. But the reality is very different. That data shows that both premarital sex and cohabitation have negative effects on the quality and duration of future marriage — if marriage happens at all — and lead to much greater divorce rates. Both the Old Testament and Jesus prohibited premarital sex. This teaching — maintained by the Catholic Church today — is not intended to be prudish or controlling. Rather, it is loving direction toward our true purpose as human beings made in God’s image, which is love. In this chapter you will learn that … ■ Premarital sex and cohabitation are falsely viewed today as acceptable and even expected steps towards a healthy marriage. ■ Both the Old Testament and Jesus prohibited premarital sex. ■ The cultural myth surrounding premarital sex and cohabitation are completely unsupported by the data, and, in fact, the research shows both practices negatively impact relationships, marriage rates, marriages, and marital satisfaction. ■ Certain factors — the sliding effect, gender asymmetry, and consumer lock-in — prolong and worsen the negative effects of cohabitation. ■ The mutual resolve to maintain the relationship helps married couples develop emotional intimacy, toleration of weaknesses, complementarity of gifts and talents, and strengthening of mutual identity, which, in turn, strengthen marital stability, children’s sense of security, and common cause. ■ Married couples who practice their religion with their children are significantly more satisfied, welladjusted, and bonded in their marriage than those who do not, leading to significantly reduced divorce rates and increased stability and longevity of marriage. Bible Basics Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. — 1 Corinthians 13:7 “But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” — Matthew 5:28 Connections to the Catechism ■ CCC 356 ■ CCC 371–373 ■ CCC 1601–1666 ■ CCC 2331–2336 ■ CCC 2360–2381 © Sophia Institute for Teachers 155
Chapter 8 Aa VOCABULARY Premarital Sex: Sexual activity before marriage. Adultery: Marital infidelity, or sexual acts outside of marriage, when at least one person is married to someone else. Promiscuity: The practice of having many sexual partners. The Modern Narrative Today, the influence of the sexual revolution and social norming has made premarital sex and cohabitation (living together before marriage) not only acceptable but oftentimes expected. Popular wisdom confidently asserts that premarital sex is harmless, as long as it is safe (i.e., that contraceptives are used [see Chapter 9]) and consensual. It even asserts that cohabitation is a healthy step toward marriage. As we shall see, current studies show that precisely the opposite is the case. We will first consider the negative effects of premarital sex and cohabitation on emotional health and future marriage, and then examine the benefits of marriage. Jesus’ Teaching About Premarital Sex Before proceeding, it will be helpful to examine Jesus’ prohibition of premarital sex (sex before marriage) in the Gospels. While there was no phrase like “premarital sex” in Jesus’ day, Jesus nevertheless included this conduct in His prohibition of illicit sexual acts. Adultery is clearly prohibited by the Old Testament with the Sixth Commandment (Exodus 20:14) and by Jesus Himself (Mark 7:21). Jesus, however, broadened the definition of adultery, first asking His disciples to recall the Old Testament law, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’” (Matthew 5:27), and then restoring the law to its true intent, “But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). If looking at another with lust is a sin, then surely acting on lustful impulses is sinful as well. Further, Jesus prohibited promiscuity (having many sexual partners) of any kind (“fornication,” or porneia in Greek 1 ): “What comes out of a man is what defiles a man. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, fornication [porneia], theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, licentiousness, envy, slander, pride, foolishness.” (Mark 7:20–22) (Emphasis added) By placing “porneia” (“fornication”) at the front of a list of prohibited actions that also includes adultery (strictly speaking, marital infidelity) and licentiousness (depraved sexual behavior), combined with His 156 Apologetics II: Challenges of the Modern World © Magis Center
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