5-3-12 Courier e-Edition - Callaway Courier

Page 2—Thursday, May 3, 2012, The Callaway Courier
Meanderings
by Michael A. Wendorff
I read a story on the internet Monday morning
about a new ap for your smart phone or tablet. It’s
called “Ugly Meter Pro.”
Take a picture of yourself and turn on the ap. It
scans your facial features and then scales it from
one to 100 — one being rated beautiful and 100
in the coyote ugly neighborhood where people
scream and run. That is, unless I got that backward.
It has nothing to do with how you do your
hair, mustache or beard. It measures facial features,
nose, eyes, etc., to come up with whatever
rating scale the ap designers arrived at. Scientific?
Don’t know, I was too frightened to read on.
Get one and have fun with all your friends.
Deal your self-esteem a mortal blow, tick off your
spouse, or acquaintances who may soon become
your enemies. Be as shallow as you can be. Do
people call your baby beautiful and then grimace?
Snap a pic and take objective measurements.
Now, we all have our own self-impressions of
how we look in the mirror every morning. At my
age it’s fully evident that the skin is no longer
as tight or smooth as it once was, the chin less
prominent and the wattle of a turkey has somehow
appeared on my neck. I don’t need an ap to tell
the obvious. Nor do I want to be in a public place
somewhere and spot a group of people looking at
me and giggling as they examine a smart phone
pic. Suddenly, a “bat hanging out of the cave”, an
undone zipper or toilet paper on the shoe is the
least of your worries.
Imagine some poor sot trying to pick up a girl
at a night club. She snaps a picture, runs the scan
and then says, “Nope, too ugly.” That might turn
a lot of single guys celibate who never had a clue
how repulsive they were before the shoot-down.
Going through the ap store on my wireless
tablet opens up whole new vistas of humiliation
with aps available to destroy or restore your selfesteem.
There’s moron tests, personality tests,
love and sex compatibility tests, boyfriend tests
(like boys need any more pressure to meet unrealistic
expectations from the girl it took 3 weeks to
get the courage to ask out in the first place), or fun
games like Pimple Popper and Hair Plucker to get
you wondering about those things, too.
Once your self-image is thoroughly wrecked,
the ap store has calorie counters, fitness guides,
make-up and complexion guides, horoscopes, selfhypnosis,
relationship books, fashion advice, sex
advice, tarot cards for predicting the future, etc.
You can, without ever looking up from your smart
phone, turn yourself into an entirely new person
that everyone always hoped for but never realistically
expected. Consider the source material.
If all else fails, you can download a bubble popper
which is a digital version of packing bubble
wrap you pop to relieve anxiety and take your
mind off your social standing for awhile. It should
also be irritating to people nearby (bonus).
Despite my angst at being digitally scanned for
homeliness, don’t expect magical change in my
personality or looks. What you see is what you get.
Just don’t point a phone at me on the street and
then laugh behind your hand. I’ve spent my whole
life learning how to not give a hoot what others
think. Please don’t undo my false sense of security
with digital scans of my admittedly ugly mug.
Also, I think I’ll avoid the moron test — not having
studied.
Prize winning
newspaper 2011
Nebraska Press Association
The Callaway Courier
Michael & Suzanne Wendorff, Publishers
Correspondents: Mary Johnson, Oconto
Phone: (308) 836-2200, email: ccourier@gpcom.net
Volume 45, Issue 7 Thursday, May 3, 2011
Established March 25, 1968. Published weekly at Callaway, Nebraska,
68825, Wednesday A.M. for Thursday A.M. delivery. Periodical Class
Postage paid at Callaway, Nebraska. Publication number: 085540.
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responsible for more than one incorrect insertion of either advertising
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Attention Postmaster For Change Of Address:
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Callaway, Nebraska 68825-0331
Editorial Page
Important Health Message
As I was lying in bed pondering
the problems of the world, I
rapidly realized that I don’t really
give a rat’s behind:
1. If walking and cycling is
good for your health, the postman
would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day,
only eats fish, drinks water, and
is still fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and
only lives a few years.
4. But a tortoise doesn’t run
and do anything quickly, yet it
lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?
I don’t think so.
I’m retired. Go around me!
* * *
Heartwarmer
Stories about children and
their views of the world are always
touching.
A father watched his young
daughter playing in the garden.
He smiled as he reflected on
how sweet and pure his little girl
was. Tears formed in his eyes as
he thought about her seeing the
wonders of nature through such
innocent eyes. Suddenly she just
stopped and stared at the ground.
He went over to her to see what
work of God had captured her
attention.
He noticed she was looking at
two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two
spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating.” her father
replied.
“What do you call the spider
on top?” she asked.
“A Daddy Longlegs.” her
father answered.
“So, the other one is a Mommy
Longlegs?” the little girl asked.
As his heart soared with the
joy of such a cute and innocent
question he replied, “No dear
both of them are Daddy Longlegs.”
The little girl, looking a little
The Arnold Sentinel
In a few days, the Arnold
and Callaway school boards
will hold their separate regular
meetings and vote either yes or
no to sanctioning a South Loup
Bobcat cheerleading squad. Between
the two boards, the issue
of cheerleading has taken up
many hours of discussion time,
and board members seem to be
ready to finally resolve an issue
that has confused and puzzled
patrons of both districts.
Why has it been an issue
at all, is the comment most
often heard from residents of
the district. For decades, there
have been cheerleading squads
in both towns. Then, with the
formation of the South Loup
Bobcat athletic co-op between
Arnold and Callaway, there was
a combined squad.
The cheerleading program
took a break last year, when
there didn’t appear to be
enough interest or senior leadership.
The Arnold board said
at that time that the program
would be revisited if there was
enough interest. Fast forward
to February of 2012, and there
was more than enough interest
by participants, but at the
recommendation of the South
Loup Bobcat Co-op Athletic
Board, both boards voted “no”
to cheerleading. It was not a
unanimous decision. Reasons
puzzled thought for a moment,
then lifted her foot and stomped
them flat.
“Well,” she said, “that may be
okay in San Francisco , but we’re
not having any of that stuff in
Nebraska.”
* * *
55th High School Reunion
He was a widower and she
a widow. They had known each
other for a number of years being
high school classmates and having
attended class reunions in the
last 20 years without fail.
This 55th anniversary of
their class, the widower and the
widow made a foursome with
two other singles. They had a
wonderful evening, their spirits
high. The widower throwing
admiring glances across the
table. The widow smiling coyly
back at him.
Finally, he picked up courage
to ask her, “Will you marry
me?”
After about six seconds of
careful consideration, she answered,
“Yes, yes I will!”
The evening ended on a happy
note for the widower. But the next
morning he was troubled. Did she
say “Yes” or did she say “No?” He
couldn’t remember. Try as he
would, he just could not recall.
He went over the conversation
of the previous evening, but his
mind was blank.
for not having the program
included transportation and
practice time issues and drama
within the first combined
squad.
Although the girls assured
board members that they have
gotten to know each other and
have become friends since then,
the answer was still no. In a later
meeting, Superintendent (Patrick)
Osmond mentioned that
parents had complained that
there were too many activities,
and this also affected the decision.
From news coverage of
those meetings, we know that,
in fact, parents complained that
there were too many ball games,
and the overloaded schedule
was affecting other activities,
such as drama, speech and
Mock Trial.
Sponsor Tammy Weinman
and her band of hopeful
cheerleaders then decided to
form a private cheer squad, and
began making plans to attend
camps and signed up to help
with upcoming community
events. But their plans were
squelched again, when the issue
of school liability was brought
up. At March meetings, Superintendent
Osmond presented
liability release documents for
the boards to approve. Neither
board did, because there was
disagreement on whether there
even was a liability issue with a
Worth
Repeatin’
From the collection
of Pat Young
He remembered asking the
question but for the life of him
could not recall her response.
With fear and trepidation he
picked up the phone and called
her.
First, he explained that he
couldn’t remember as well as
he used to. Then he reviewed
non-sanctioned squad.
Students and concerned
residents spoke out at that
meeting in favor of cheerleading.
One week later, Arnold
School Board President Duane
Bowers requested a combined
workshop between the two
boards to decide whether or not
to revisit the issue. At their own
discretion, the boards decided
to take another vote at their
upcoming May meetings.
If they vote “yes,” the boards
agreed that sponsors would be
paid and transportation would
be provided for the squad.
All should be well, but this
brings us to a whole new puzzling
issue; that of who will
be sponsors if the boards vote
yes to the program. The most
obvious candidate for head
sponsor from Arnold is Tammy
Weinman — a woman who has
a coaching endorsement, has
sponsored cheerleading for
several years for no pay, and
has involved the girls in almost
every community event there is,
helping them build leadership
skills and their community
service resume.
It’s just good, common
sense. But at the workshop,
it became apparent that she
would not be the obvious
choice. Her response was asking
the administration if she
and the other two interested
the past evening. As he gained
a little more courage, he then
inquired of her: “When I asked if
you would marry me, did you say
“Yes” or did you say “No?”
“Why you silly man I said,
‘Yes. Yes I will’ And I meant it
with all my heart.”
The widower was delighted.
He felt his heart skip a beat.
Then she continued. “And I
am so glad you called because I
couldn’t remember who asked
me!”
Guest Editorial
‘To cheer or not to cheer?’ That is the question
by Sen. Mike Johanns
Last week, the Senate took a very positive
step toward improving federal farm
policy. An update of the farm bill passed
overwhelmingly out of the Agriculture
Committee, enjoying strong support from
both Democrats and Republicans. This bill
is an improvement for American agriculture:
it’s simple, it’s straightforward, and
it’s more market-oriented. Better yet, it’s
fiscally responsible and will help to cut our
country’s troubling budget deficit.
Certainly the most pressing issue of our
time remains our mounting debt, and the
farm bill was drafted with this in mind. The
bill saves more than $23 billion in farm
and nutrition programs, while helping
producers manage their risk and ensuring
we continue to address hunger. Having a
committee come together in a bipartisan
way to cut spending in a responsible manner
is a breath of fresh air.
I’ve met with many of you over the past
year, often times at my Ag Policy Perspectives
events, to discuss the new farm bill. Your
Letters
To the Editor:
It was great to see the enthusiastic
reception given to
“Ag Fest 2012” held in Dawson
and Custer counties. This activity
drew more than 751 fourth
and fifth graders, their teachers
and sponsors. The “Agricultural
Community” should appreciate
the strong interest school
administrators, teachers, and
students have in learning more
about their industry. Thanks
to them for taking time out of
school schedules to attend.
Another pat on the back
goes to those ag producers,
commodity groups, media,
agribusinesses, and FFA groups
that contributed to and were on
hand to tell the amazing story
of American agriculture. It is a
story of a lifestyle and business
that has an ag producer working
for 19¢ of every food dollar to
thoughts and ideas are reflected
in the legislation we crafted in
the Agriculture Committee. The
crop insurance program has
been effective and popular, and
it will continue to be a central
risk management tool for farmers
and ranchers. There has also
been broad acknowledgement that
direct payments must be made a
thing of the past, and this farm
bill steers us in that direction. The
Adjusted Gross Income cap has also been
reduced, further targeting government farm
supports to producers who need it most.
I am pleased to report that several of
my ideas and amendments are included
in the bill. I’ve long been an advocate for
policies which support beginning farmers
and ranchers as well as returning veterans
looking to start careers in farming. These
proposals were roundly supported and
included in the bill. It is critical that our
federal farm policy keeps in mind the future
generations of ag producers.
sponsors from Callaway would
be “pushed aside.”
Superintendent Osmond
informed the boards that the
sponsors should be full-time
employees from both schools.
Callaway board member Mary
Ridder disagreed, saying the
schools should be looking for
good leadership for the program,
and that it has never
been an issue before. It was also
brought up that two current
head coaches of the athletic
co-op are not full-time school
employees.
Ridder was right. It never
has been an issue, considering
just two years ago, Weinman
was a sponsor.
So, if the boards vote “yes,” is
it possible that the one person
who is most qualified for the
job, pushed for the program
for the girls and actually asked
for the job, will be the last on
the list to be considered? The
duties of a cheerleading sponsor
include eight months of time
commitment.
The best the district can hope
for in looking within the system
is a half-hearted agreement or
including it in a job description.
Most likely, it will not be the
leadership that Ridder says the
girls need.
The biggest question of all is,
will board members voice their
opinion? Only time will tell.
A positive step forward on the Farm Bill
Mike Johanns
Thanks for letting
the Callaway
Courier into your
life in 2012!
produce food for 155 people.
These stewards of the environment
strive year after trying
year to provide each of us with
the most abundant, wholesome
and safest food supply possible
... and they succeed.
As Extension workers, we
appreciate everyone’s cooperation
on “Ag Fest 2012”;
and believe, that with all the
help we received, our goal of
educating young people on the
impact of Nebraska Agriculture
was met.
We applaud others taking
on similar challenges and look
forward to the next Ag Fest.
Sincerely,
UNL Extension - Dawson
County Staff: Bruce Treffer,
Andrea Nisley, Mike Wolff
UNL Extension - Custer
County Staff: Troy Walz, Jessye
Goertz, Colleen Peterson
Another area I was glad the
committee spent time discussing
was trade. The bill also includes
an amendment of mine to ensure
USDA continues to prioritize
trade. The recently enacted trade
agreements with Korea and
Colombia shouldn’t be stopping
points. We must keep working
to level the playing field for our
producers by lowering trade barriers
around the globe. Having
served previously as Agriculture Secretary,
it’s my opinion that trade policies at USDA
can be better focused and coordinated, and
my amendment will have the department
evaluate improvements.
The farm bill is by no means perfect, but
it is a positive turning point for American
farm policy. It will benefit farmers and
ranchers, it will benefit the American
people, and it helps get our country back
on a fiscally sustainable path. I was pleased
to support it and look forward to its consideration
in the full Senate.