Here - Kelowna Secondary School

MEET THE
Survivors of the
apocalypse
Ms. Lemon Mr. Brown Ms. Bede
These Three Kss Teachers survive end of The World!
by Brienne Welton
The biggest question of December 2012 was
"How am I going to survive the apocalypse?"
When the world ended in colossal catastrophe on
the 21, millions of unprepared people perished.
This demonstrated the importance of a good survival
plan. Censor This! can exclusively reveal
the fool-proof methods of some of our successful
teacher survivors who were ready for the end of
the world.
As the world fell apart and society as we
knew it was destroyed, KSS English teacher Ms.
Lemon grabbed her water purifier and backpacking
gear in preparation for her survival.
Her destination: as far away from the cities and
the remaining people as possible. After leaving
plenty of extra food for her cat that she unfortunately
had to leave behind, Ms. Lemon took her
gear and her loved ones to the country side. The
"Stole all the
cheesies in the
world and ate
them all."
Liam Findlay
"Ate all the ice
cream I could find!"
Adriana Parker
key of this operation was finding a place where
people could live independently off of the land
by farming and gathering. Some advice from Ms.
Lemon: when in a panicked crowd extract yourself
by running in the opposite direction of the
mob.
The secret of Mr. Brown's survival was
pre-apocalyptic research. The French and Social
Studies teacher spent many hours leading up to
the end of the world watching apocalypse movies.
Survival tactics gathered from films such as
I am Legend and Castaway helped him to copy a
successful strategy of survival from the characters
of these films.
As the world was ending teacher-librarian Ms.
Bede toasted to a good life in gratitude for the
fortunate lives we led in this country, as opposed
to less fortunate third world countries. To ease
What did these
students do
at the end
of the
world?
her mind and come to terms with 'the end' she
gathered an ample collection of philosophical
publications by sages instructing people on how
to cope with the end of times. A recommendation
by Ms. Bede: lots of chocolate. Along with
good books and music, comfort food is essential
for survival. KD, gyoza, perogees, poutine and
cheese were a few of the items on her menu.
Wasting away in a protected underground base or
cave was not the way to stay alive. According to
Ms. Bede living out in the open air, eating well
and reading philosophical works is the key to
success!
One thing we've learned from this apocalypse:
everyone must have a survival strategy ready
beforehand. Keep these survival techniques in
mind because you just never know when you'll
need them!
"Grabbed all my
comfort foods and
water. Then I dug a
hole to live in."
Cristina Condotta
"Drummed as loud as
I could with the windows
open."
Kelly Grant
CENSOR THIS JANUARY 23 2013 9