Theosis 06 June Issue 2019

Nº1 - JUNE 2019 

theosismagazine@gmail.com 

THEOSIS 

T R A N S F O R M A T I O N 

Where Your Journey Becomes Deeper 

FORGIVENESS: 

Your Path to Freedom and Well-being 

Online Monthly Magazne onBible, Psychology, and Spirituality 

Human Flourishing 

and Well-being 

in the Bible (Old Testament) 

Why Does Forgiveness Matter? 

The Personal andCollective Value 

of Forgiveness 

Deconstructing 

and Defining 

Forgiveness 

Theosis - Transformation - Issue n o 1 | June 2019 | 1

About Theosis 

Transformation 

Theosis — Transformation is an educational 

resource focused on the dialogue 

between the Bible (Old and New 

Testament), Spirituality, and Psychology. 

Its goal is to gather high quality 

resources from the Internet in a single 

repository within its pages and to 

make them available to its readers. In 

so doing, Theosis seeks to encourage 

an integral form of Christ-Centered 

spirituality within the Catholic faith 

tradition; promote a holistic approach 

toward human beings and creation; 

and, foster growth in faith in Jesus the 

Christ. Such spirituality, far from being 

disconnected from our daily lives, 

and through the prompts of the Holy 

Spirit that we have received from the 

Father and that dwells in us (Romans 

8:9) can actually sustain our process 

of transformation into the image and 

likeness of the Son, Jesus the Christ, 

whose life, death and resurrection are 

meant to give us fullness of life and reveal 

the essence of our journey toward 

well-being: “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). 

As such, Theosis — Transformation endorses only the content of the article/video/podcast to 

which it directly links. Any other links or embedded material within such content or external 

to the content of the article/video/podcast itself and/or that may lead to other websites, online 

platforms, pop-up windows, online ads or banners and/or anything else that is not directly the 

content to which Theosis — Transformation directly links are not approved of, recommended, 

or endorsed in any way by the magazine.


There is a nobility in compassion 

a beauty in empathy, 

a grace in FORGIVENESS 

— John Connolly — 



If we really 

want to love, 

we must learn 

how to forgive. 

MOTHER THERESA 

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Theosis - Transformation - Issue n o 1 | June 2019


TABLE OF CONTENTS 

02 

08 

10 

19 

24 

25 

27 

30 

INTRODUCTION 

About Theosis — Transformation. 

CHOICE OF THE MONTH 

Our Four Featured Articles. 

BIBLE 

Human Flourishing & Well-being in the Bible. Part 1 - The Old 

Testament. 

BIBLE 

Jesus, Peter & Forgiveness: A Gospel-centered Perspective. 

PSYCHOLOGY & SPIRITUALITY 

How Forgiving Are You?. 


Why Does Forgiveness Matter? The Personal & Collective Value of 

Forgiveness. 


Which Two of the Following Is Forgiveness? 


Explanation for Non-Forgiveness Options. 



32 

36 

37 

38 

40 

41 

42 

44 


Deconstructing and Defining Forgiveness. 


What Is Forgiveness? 


Forgiving: An Art & Process We Can Learn? 

PSYCHOLOGY AND SPIRITUALITY 

The Invisible Barriers to Forgiveness. 


Keys to Unlock Forgiveness 


The Key of All the Keys: Let It Go, Let It Be. 


Forgiveness: Is It Worth to Forgive? 

RESOURCES 

Featured Resources of the Month. 

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45 

46 

50 

52 

53 

RESOURCES 

Resource List of the Month. 

EVENTS 

Upcoming Events (Retreats, Seminars, Workshops). 

CONTACT US 

We’d love to hear from you. 

GETTING ORGANIZED 

Monthly Goals Template. 

GETTING ORGANIZED 

Monthly Planner. 



Featured Articles 

ISSUE N o 1 — JUNE 2019 

Issue number 1 of Theosis—Transformation focuses on the topic of Forgiveness. 

Human Flourishing & Well-being 

in the Old Testament (Part 1) 

Biblical Spirituality 

What does the Bible have to say about human 

flourishing and well-being? In the first of a 

three-part article, Fr. Flavio Gillio, m.s. and 

Dr. Sally Riconscente explore the way the Old 

Testament speaks about human flourishing 

and well-being. 

Jesus, Peter and Forgiveness: 

A Gospel-centered Perspective 

Biblical Spirituality 

In Matthew 18:21-35 Peter approaches Jesus 

with the question: “Lord, how many times 

shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins 

against me? Up to seven times?” (v. 21). Jesus’ 

answer offers challenging insights about forgiveness 

from a Gospel-centered perspective. 

Deconstructing and 

Defining Forgiveness 

Psychology & Spirituality 

When you hear the word “forgiveness,” or 

the verb “to forgive,” what comes to your 

mind? Find out the essential features of 

forgiveness and dismantle some prejudices 

that shape the “how” we understand and 

live forgiveness. 

Forgiving: An Art and Process 

We Can Learn? 

Psychology & Spirituality 

You do not have to succumb to your past hurts 

and anger. You can learn to practice forgiveness. 

Renowned author and director of the 

Stanford University Forgiveness Project, Dr. 

Fred Luskin, presents the nine main steps 

structuring the healing process of forgiveness. 

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Section # 1 

Bible 



Human Flourishing & Well-being in the Bible 

Part 1 - The Old Testament 

Introduction. In our ongoing effort to make the La Salette Retreat and 

Conference Center a space where people of every walk of life, belief, and 

religious affiliation can integrate a mature spirituality into their own daily 

lives and experience life in abundance, we have created the new-born magazine, 

Theosis – Transformation. Theosis is the transliteration of a Greek word that 

means divinization. This concept is also known as the term, apotheosis, ‘making 

divine.’ Theosis implies, therefore, a transformative process whose aim, we 

believe, is to let Christ reach adulthood in us. Here at Theosis magazine, we 

believe that Jesus the Christ is the exemplar of human flourishing and well-being. 

The purpose of this trifold 

study is to inquire into how the 

Bible and the Early Christian 

Tradition speak about human 

flourishing and well-being. 

The first part of our study 

will be focused on the Old 

Testament; the second on 

the New Testament writings, and 

the third on the theological and 

spiritual concept of divinization 

elaborated on by some of the most 

influential Fathers of the Church. 

AUTHORS: 

Fr. Flavio Gillio, m.s. 

AND 

Dr. Sally Riconscente 

The concept of human 

flourishing and well-being is a pananthropological 

idea, i.e. one of 

those major concerns that is found 

in every culture, religious belief, and 

civilization. In the Western World, 

ever since the two great Greek 

philosophers Plato and Aristotle, 

human flourishing and well-being 

have been two of the major ideas 

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studied through the centuries. And 

it is easy to understand why: we 

have a natural unquenchable thirst 

and insatiable hunger for abundant 

life. Human flourishing and wellbeing 

are two powerful motivating 

forces and goals for everything 

we hope for, choose, and do, both 

individually and corporately, 

regardless of our belief, ethnicity, 

worldview, culture, and/or education. 

So, what does the Old Testament 

say about human flourishing and 

well-being? The first thing that stands 

out is the fact that the Old Testament 

doesn’t encompass in a single 

definition either human flourishing 

or well-being. Rather, it describes 

them through intentional and specific 

lexicographic choices, favoring three 

key-words: shalom, ashrê, and tamîm. 

Human flourishing, wellbeing, 

and the biblical 

shalom. The concept of shalom 

is one of the most prominent ideas of 

the Old Testament related to human 

flourishing and well-being. Indeed, 

65% of its occurrences are related to 

one of the two concepts or to both of 

them, whereas only 25% to a state/ 

relationship without conflict, and only 

10% to the standard form of greeting. 

The Hebrew shalom is usually 

translated in English as ‘peace.’ 

Such a rendering can fail to capture 

the semantic value and depth of 

the Hebrew term. In our every-day 

language, ‘peace’ usually connotes 

a situation that does not register 

conflict or tension, or an inner state 

of tranquility and serenity. The 

problem is that the same term in 

Hebrew bears a deeper and more 

involved meaning, conveying the idea 

of ‘completeness’ and ‘overall wellbeing.’ 

I emphasize ‘overall’ because 

the Old Testament, when speaking of 

human flourishing and well-being, 

does not adopt a dichotomist view 

that clearly separates the spiritual and 

material, but rather, it addresses the 

question of our flourishing and wellbeing 

through a holistic approach 

that includes and values body, 

psyche, and spirit. The Old Testament 

doesn’t recognize the distinction 

of spiritual as opposed to material 

which is still very widespread in the 

West among Christians (Catholic). 

The semantic richness embedded in 

the concept of shalom is witnessed by 

the Greek Old Testament (Septuagint 

or LXX) that needs two words to 

translate the Hebrew term into 

Greek: teleios and eirênê. The former 

means ‘complete,’ ‘undivided,’ 

‘whole,’ and ‘unblemished.’ It 

overlaps with another Hebrew word, 

tamim, that we will consider later on. 

The second Greek term, eirênê, 

like the Hebrew shalom, is generally 

rendered in English as ‘peace.’ Like 

shalom, eirênê means a lot more than 



simply ‘absence of conflict,’ ‘tranquility,’ or ‘inner serenity.’ In the Greek 

version of the Old Testament, human flourishing and well-being are not 

identified with or limited to the absence of conflict, personal happiness, inner 

serenity, and/or tranquility. Rather, the way both the Hebrew and the Greek 

Old Testament make use of shalom/eirênê, allows us to infer that both human 

flourishing and well-being sprout forth from God’s saving work. For example, 

in the book of the Prophet Isaiah, shalom/eirênê are two distinctive key-words 

that describe Adonai’s redemptive action (see Isaiah 9:5-6; 32:15-20; 48:18; 52:7; 

60:1-22). In this light, shalom/eirênê blossoms thanks to the coming of a Son- 

King (Isaiah 5:6-9) and through the outpouring of the Spirit, whose effects also 

reverberate over creation (Isaiah 32:15-20; 48:18; 60:1-22). The climax of this 

dynamic is found in the New Testament, with and through Jesus the Christ. 

Jesus the Christ discloses to us the possibility of eternal human flourishing 

and well-being through His life, death and resurrection. The mystery of the 

Incarnation bears the unheard good news that, in Jesus of Nazareth, God makes 

himself totally present; as a consequence, in Jesus of Nazareth, the divine life 

enters the human realm and takes a human shape. In coherence with this 

point, the Catechism of the Catholic Church, quoting St. Athanasius’ work, On 

Incarnation, states: “The Word became flesh to make us “partakers of the divine 

nature” - “For this is why the Word became man, and the Son of God became 

the Son of man: so that man, by entering into communion with the Word and 

thus receiving divine sonship, might become a son of God.” “For the Son of 

God became man so that we might be deified.” “The only-begotten Son of God, 

wanting to make us sharers in his divinity, assumed our nature, so that he, 

made man, might make men gods” (see Catechism of the Catholic Church, § 460). 

Human flourishing, well-being and the biblical ashrê. The second term 

that the Old Testament relates to human flourishing and well-being is 

the Hebrew word ashrê. The term appears mostly in the third section of 

the Old Testament (Writings), with 26 occurrences in the Book of Psalms 

and 8 in the Book of Proverbs. Besides that, the other 11 occurrences are 

scattered among the other sections of the Bible (Pentateuch and Prophets). 

Modern English translations of the Hebrew Bible usually render ashrê 

with ‘blessed.’ Similar to the translation of the Hebrew shalom with ‘peace,’ 

such a rendering creates a certain confusion because the Hebrew language 

knows another word for ‘blessed,’ i.e. baruk —euloghetos in Greek. Even 

12 | 



though both ashrê and baruk are 

rendered in English as ‘blessed,’ the 

two words are not synonyms. Indeed, 

the first one, ashrê, emphasizes 

the state of flourishing and wellbeing. 

This is clearly the case of 

Psalm 1, where the ‘ashrê’ person 

is described as “[…] a tree planted 

beside rivulets of water, which brings 

forth its fruit in its season, and its 

leaves do not wilt; and whatever 

he does prospers” (Psalm 1:3). The 

second term, baruk, emphasizes 

the fact of being the recipient of 

Adonai’s blessings and graces. 

Such a distinction is further 

strengthened by the remaining 

occurrences of ashrê in the Writings. 

Both the contexts and the ways the term 

is used let us infer that ashrê usually 

refers to the state of well-being and 

human flourishing that characterizes 

those who live wisely by listening to 

the Torah. Living wisely and listening 

to the Torah: two irreplaceable keys 

to human flourishing and wellbeing 

(see for example, Psalms 1 

and 118, the long acrostic hymn 

of praise in honor of the Torah). 

appears in the Prophet Isaiah 

(Isaiah 30:18; 32:20). Post-biblical 

and Rabbinic literature continue 

preserving this way of understanding 

the term ashrê. According to the 

Rabbis, a life marked by human 

flourishing and well-being is 

a life that is shaped, inspired, 

and guided by Adonai’s Torah. 

When, from the Old Testament, we 

turn to the New Testament, we witness 

great and clear coherence with the 

previous ashrê tradition. The Greek 

(both in the Septuagint and in the 

Gospels) renders the Hebrew ashrê 

with makarios. An exemplary passage 

from the New Testament is Matthew 

5:3-12, i.e. the Beatitudes. Jesus; 

here, while instructing and sharing 

His wisdom with the crowd, Jesus 

illustrates what God-centered human 

The book of Proverbs maintains 

the same belief, since both human 

flourishing and well-being are 

understood to be the fruits of living 

wisely, namely listening to the Torah 

and revering Adonai. Outside the 

Writings, the term ashrê mainly 



flourishing and well-being look like, in continuity with the previous ashrê 

tradition witnessed by the Psalms, Proverbs, and the Prophet Isaiah. Besides 

this continuity, the New Testament also bears a novelty: accomplished human 

flourishing is found in and through Jesus the Christ. Such a statement makes 

human flourishing and well-being much more than simply an experiential 

satisfaction or a state of personal happiness. Human flourishing and wellbeing 

are less the result of a series of temporary favorable circumstances, 

and more a lifestyle inspired by Jesus the Christ’s life, death and resurrection. 

Human flourishing, 

well-being and 

the biblical tamim. 

The Hebrew word tamîm is the 

third relevant term associated 

with the concept of human 

flourishing and well-being. Its 

parallel in Greek is teleios. Among 

its different meanings, the Hebrew 

word also bears the meaning of 

‘righteous’ and ‘perfect’ in the sense 

of ‘singleness,’ ‘integrity of heart’ or 

‘wholeness of heart’ (see 1 Kings 9:4). 

Very interestingly, the Old 

Testament often connects tamîm 

with the idea of holiness. Such a 

connection reverberates through 

both concepts and enriches their 

meaning. Whereas we are often 

inclined to think about holiness 

in terms of moral purity, the Old 

14 | 



Testament, through this connection, regards holiness more as a matter of 

‘wholeness of heart,’ or ‘undivided heart;’ more specifically, as a matter of 

‘wholehearted devotedness’ to Adonai, or ‘undivided commitment to God’s 

work,’ as Peter J. Gentry pointed out in his article, “The Meaning of ‘Holy’ 

in the Old Testament” (see Peter J. Gentry, “The Meaning of ‘Holy’ in the Old 

Testament”, Bibliotheca Sacra 170, 2013). Similarly, another outstanding Old 

Testament scholar, Mary Douglas, came to the conclusion that holiness means 

‘to be one,’ implying both ‘unity’ and ‘integrity’ [see Mary Douglas, Purity and 

Danger: An Analysis of Concepts of Pollution and Taboo, London (1966) 55]. 

Because of this link between holiness / righteousness / godliness and 

wholeness / completeness / wholehearted dedication to God, the Old Testament 

is not uncomfortable in considering characters such as Abraham, Jacob, 

Moses, David, and others, as teleios, even though they cannot be identified 

with the embodiment of ‘moral perfection,’ and even less of ‘moral purity!’ 

Following the understanding of the Old Testament, the New Testament 

stresses the relevance of the idea of ‘wholehearted dedication’ and 

‘commitment’ in relation to discipleship. Such a perspective gives new light 

to a frequently misunderstood passage of the Gospel of Matthew, and that 

betrays our pre-conceived understanding of the concept of biblical holiness: 

the call to be teleios found in Matthew 5:48 – an intertextual reworking 

of Leviticus 19:2 and 20:26, frequently misunderstood as a call to moral 

perfection, is actually a call to be wholeheartedly committed and oriented to 

God by following the Son in the Spirit. This leads us to say that [God-centered] 

wholeness is holiness. Such an understanding is found throughout the entire 

New Testament (see, for example, James 1:4.17.25; 2:8.22; 3:2; Hebrew 2:10; 

5:9.14; 6:1; 7:28; 9:9; 10:1.14; 12:23; 1 Corinthians 2:6; 14:20; Ephesians 4:13; 

Philippians 3:12.15; Colossians 1:28; 4:12). In so doing, both the Old and the 

New Testament interconnect human flourishing and well-being with holiness, 

and holiness with wholehearted commitment to Adonai. In this way, the Bible 

avoids the risk of identifying human flourishing and well-being with moral 

perfection, and, rather, points out that human flourishing and well-being are 

connected to the idea of ‘whole hearted orientation of one’s own life to God.’ 

Conclusion. The present inquiry started by asking two basic questions: are 

human flourishing and well-being relevant to the biblical mind? If yes, 

what does it mean to live well and to flourish from a biblical perspective? 



The discussion that followed allows us 

to present a summary and consolidation 

of the most relevant points. 

1Along with other trends of 

thought, ancient, modern and 

contemporary, the Bible is very 

interested in human flourishing and 

well-being. Human flourishing and 

well-being are indeed two central 

ideas of the biblical world. 

2. What is unique is a) the way 

the biblical mind portrays both of 

them and b) the path that it offers to 

experience both human flourishing 

and well-being. 

3. Despite the variegated 

lexicography related to human 

flourishing and well-being, the Bible 

privileges three terms: shalom, ashrê, 

and tamîm. Together, these three 

concepts offer a holistic view of 

human flourishing and well-being, 

without artificially juxtaposing or 

separating the spiritual and material. 

Human flourishing and well-being 

involve our bodies as much as our 

psyche and spirit. 

4. For the biblical mind there is no 

tension or conflict between a godly 

way of living, on the one hand, and 

human flourishing and well-being, on 

the other. There cannot be a godly life 

without a flourishing life in all of the 

dimensions of our existence. There is 

no such alternative as ‘either God or 

human flourishing and well-being.’ 

The God of the Bible revealed in 

and through Jesus the Christ doesn’t 

compete against these two concepts. 

The Bible tells us exactly the opposite: 

we don’t have to choose between 

God or human flourishing. If human 

flourishing and well-being are a real 

possibility for us, it is because of 

God’s work in history. God is not an 

‘excluding’ alternative to our human 

flourishing and well-being, and he 

doesn’t take anything away from us 

that is related to abundant life. 

5. From the biblical perspective, 

human flourishing and well-being 

have to do more with ‘living’ and 

‘being’ rather than with ‘having.’ 

Indeed, both human flourishing and 

well-being point to a ‘way of living’ or 

a ‘way of being in the world,’ without 

being of the world (see John 17:14). 

6. Biblical wisdom is meant to 

16 | 



encourage and unveil how to experience both human flourishing and wellbeing. 

It does so by reminding us of the only three really relevant keys that are 

able to open the doors of abundant life: our relationship with God, with others, 

and with creation. It is the quality of these three relationships, taken together, 

that prevents or fosters human flourishing and well-being. Therefore, human 

flourishing and well-being imply a lot more than simply absence of conflicts/ 

tensions, inner satisfaction, tranquility, and peace. The biblical mind conceives 

human flourishing and well-being as fruits of a proper relationship with God, 

neighbor, and creation. Whereas in the Old Testament this is believed to be 

possible by listening to and living both the Written and Oral Torah, in the New 

Testament, it is Jesus of Nazareth who is the way to human flourishing and 

well-being. Torah (oral and written) and Jesus are the explanation, description 

and model of what human flourishing and well-being are all about. 

7. The God of Israel revealed in and through Jesus of Nazareth is the answer 

to the radical question of how to flourish and thrive. Jesus’ life, death and 

resurrection represent the climax of God’s redemptive work, aimed at restoring 

each of us to full humanity and well-being, by flourishing in and through Jesus 

the Christ. In and through him both human flourishing and well-being are 

fully revealed. 

8. Human flourishing and well-being are at the very core of God’s redemptive 

work. And they should also be at the core of the mission of the Church. 

Whereas we can discuss the various ‘hows and means’ to fulfill such a mission, 

it is clear that both human flourishing and well-being should be included in 

today’s mission of every Christian community striving to walk and grow in the 

footsteps of the Master from Nazareth. 

Having portrayed human flourishing and well-being from the perspective 

of the Old Testament, with some hints to the New, in the next issue of Theosis 

—Transformation, we will explore in more depth the relationship between 

human flourishing, well-being, Jesus the Christ and the New Testament. 



“I tell you: 

Not seven times, 

but seventy-seven times [...]” 

Matthew 18:22 

18 | 



Jesus, Peter & Forgiveness: 

A Gospel-centered Perspective 

We are all familiar with the 

beginning of the narrative 

in Matthew 18:21-35: Peter 

approaching Jesus with the question: 

“Lord, how many times shall I forgive 

my brother or sister who sins against 

me? Up to seven times?” (v. 21). It 

is not hard to imagine, looking at 

the way Peter shapes and frames 

his question, what was going on 

in his mind. What is a little more 

challenging, perhaps, is to imagine 

Peter’s feelings and thoughts after 

Jesus’ unsettling answer: “I tell you, 

not seven times, but seventy-seven 

times.” (v. 22). Was Peter frustrated 

by Jesus’ words? Discouraged? 

Perplexed? Silent? We can only infer 

a possible reaction, since the episode 

is silent on this detail of the narrative. 

It is an eloquent silence because it 

emphasizes Jesus’ answer even more 

and keeps the attention focused 

not so much on Peter but on Jesus. 

The article offers original insights 

regarding Jesus’ answer to Peter, 

digging deeper than the ‘standard’ 

understanding of Jesus words as an 

invitation to forgive without limits. 

Making use (deliberately or not) of a 

hermeneutical Jewish principle known 

as Stringing Pearls, or in Hebrew 

‘Gezerah Shevah’ (Comparison of 

Equals – Scripture interprets Scripture 



in the sense that a passage of the Bible can expand on another biblical passage 

if they share the same word), the author of Echoes of Forgiveness explores 

the implied richness of Jesus’ answer by delving into three other biblical 

passages that echo each other: Luke 4:16-21; Genesis 4:23-24 and Daniel 9:1-24. 

The way the three readings resound allows us to grasp something about the 

value of forgiveness from a Gospel-centered perspective. Juxtaposing Jesus’ 

answer to Peter, with the so-called Nazareth Manifesto (Luke 4:16-21), Jesus 

is confessed as the One inaugurating the Jubilee Year, forgiveness is placed 

at the core of the biblical 

Jubilee Year, 

and Jesus’ followers 

are called to be 

“Jubilee-celebrating people,” 

i.e. people who are ready and open to 

receive and give the gift of the Jubilee 

Year: forgiveness. In this perspective, 

forgiveness is not an ‘optional’ item 

added to our Christian identity; it 

belongs at the very core of our own 

identity, be it individual or collective. 

This is not all though. By 

recalling the episode of Lamech 

and his wives, Zillah and 

Adah (Genesis 4:23-24), the author 

advances the thesis that Jesus’ 

words about forgiveness subvert 

and invert the “principle of revenge” 

implied in the words of Cain’s son, 

into ‘the principle of forgiveness.’ 

Such a literary outcome is meant to 

20 | 



call Jesus’ disciples and their communities to embrace and witness the ‘the 

creative and unpredictable injustice of forgiveness’ and reject or refuse 

‘the destructive—and all too predictable—justice of mimetic violence.’ 

By the end of Kevichusa’s article, readers will have a clearer understanding 

of the relevance and centrality of forgiveness in Jesus’ spirituality and in 

the life of every Christian community. Forgiveness sanctions the death 

of death, and celebrates the life of life. Forgiveness covers sin, rebellion, 

revenge, and wrongdoing with the clothes of true righteousness. And, as 

Jesus’ followers, we are all called to share the power and the benefits of 

forgiveness, both at personal and community levels. As Jesus followers 

we share the vocation of embodying forgiveness and witnessing both 

its power and benefits, both at personal and at political or social levels. 

SOURCE: Kevichusa, Aniu. “Echoes of Forgiveness.” RZIM, ND. Read the full 

article here. 



“To forgive is 

to set a prisoner free 

and discover that the prisoner was you.” 

Lewis B. Smedes 

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Photo by Olga Vyshnevska on Unsplash 

Section # 2 

Psychology & 

Spirituality 



How Forgiving 

Are You? 

“The only way out of the labyrinth 

of suffering, is to forgive...” 

— John Green — 

Before diving into the 

theme of Forgiveness, stop 

for a couple of seconds. 

Have you ever wondered how 

forgiving you are? The quiz provided 

by the website Greater Good in Action 

(https://ggia.berkeley.edu/) helps you 

to better understand how you respond 

to those who do you wrong. The quiz, 

inspired by forgiveness research 

pioneer Michael McCullough, has 

twelve questions. At the end, once 

you have submitted your answers, 

you will be led to a new URL page 

displaying your score with a short 

comment regarding your typical 

response when someone hurts you. 

To take the quiz, please, click here. 

“When you forgive, you in no way change the past, 

but you sure do change the future.” 

— Bernard Meltzer — 

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Why Does Forgiveness Matter? 

The Personal & Collective Value of Forgiveness 

“Love is an act of endless forgiveness; 

a tender look which becomes a habit.” 

— Peter Ustinov — 

Challenging by its nature, 

forgiveness can become even 

more challenging as we all 

know how easy it is to become fixated 

on our grievances. As Desmond Tutu 

and Mpho Tutu write in their article 

Why We Forgive, “The traumas we 

have witnessed or experienced live 

on in our memories. Even years 

later they can cause us fresh pain 

each time we recall them” and, 

most of the time, with all the best 

and “logic reasons” of the world!. 

But, dwelling on our wounded 

memories, when forgiveness 

has not yet occurred, nurses the 

desire of wanting to ‘get back at’ 

the wrongdoer. Dwelling on our 

past wounded memories without 

forgiveness imprisons us in the 

invisible cage of our pain, locked out 

of the possibility of being healed, of 

regaining both freedom and peace, 

of being mentally, emotionally, and 

spiritually transformed. Even if the 

transformation that occurs through 

forgiveness concerns the individual, 

it has a value and an impact that goes 

beyond the mere personal sphere. 

Forgiveness has social repercussions. 

As Paul reminds us when he writes 

about the unity and diversity of 

the body of Christ (1Cor 12:12-27), 

we are not an island; we are part of 

and belong to a delicate network 

of interdependence, and one part 

affects all the others: 12 Just as a 

body, though one, has many parts, 

but all its many parts form one body, 

so it is with Christ. 13 For we were 

all baptized by one Spirit so as to 

form one body—whether Jews or 

Gentiles, slave or free—and we were 

all given the one Spirit to drink. 14 

Even so the body is not made up of 

one part but of many…. If one part 

suffers, every part suffers with it; 

if one part is honored, every part 

rejoices with it.” (1 Cor 12:12-14.26) 

And this is the point that Desmond 

“Forgiveness is the key 

to action and freedom.” 

— Hannah Arendt — 



Tutu and Mpho Tutu try to make: forgiveness doesn’t only mark a point 

of healing of healing in our personal journey, because it also brings 

healing to our families, communities and our world. In other words, 

forgiveness has both an individual and collective value and relevance. 

SOURCE: Tutu, Desmond & Tutu, Mpho. “Why We Forgive.” Spirituality & 

Health, 17 Feb. 2014. Read the full article here. 

“A life lived without forgiveness is a prison.” 

— William Arthur Ward — 

26 | 



Which Two of the Following 

Is Forgiveness? 

Some of the following ideas have been used to describe forgiveness 

in the past. Two of them are accurate definitions of forgiveness. 

Some of them are not quite right, and some of them are just plain 

wrong. Which are the right ones? What are the others if they are 

not forgiveness? Select your two answers at the bottom of the page. 

Telling yourself that what happened wasn’t really that bad, and that you ought 

to just forget what happened and move on. 

Yes 

No 

I don’t know 

Forgetting that anything bad happened, simply pushing the event or relationship 

out of your memory. 

Yes 

No 


Starting up your relationship with the person who hurt you again, as if nothing 

happened. 

Yes 

No 


Opening yourself to be hurt again. 

Yes 

No 


Accepting an excuse or explanation for what someone did or is doing to you. 

Yes 

No 


Doing whatever you can to smooth over conflict. 

Yes 

No 




A voluntary release of your right to condemn and get revenge on the person who 

hurt you because you have different feelings toward the person. 

Yes 

No 


Tolerating negative things that someone has done or continues to do to you. 

Yes 

No 


Accepting people despite their flaws. 

Yes 

No 


Blaming and confronting the person who hurt you. 

Yes 

No 


Getting someone who hurt you to believe that everything is still okay. 

Yes 

No 


Getting even with the person who hurt you. 

Yes 

No 


Voluntary decision to give up the right to revenge and release a person from any 

interpersonal debt incurred by wronging you. 

Yes 

No 


28 | 



Having the other person apologize, express regret, or beg forgiveness until the 

balance of justice has been restored. 

Yes 

No 


I choose _______ and _______ as the definition(s) of forgiveness. Here’s why: (write 

your reasons here below). 



Explanation for 

Non-Forgiveness Options 

Here are reactions to each incorrect definition of forgiveness. Read the 

definition on the previous page. Then read the reactions, on this page 

and the next one. 

1. This is denial. If you are hurt and you try to deny it to yourself, the denial 

almost never works. The hurt keeps resurfacing and you never seem to be 

free of it. 

2. Forgetting is impossible. A memory has been formed. The memory may 

shift with time. It may change. Or the pain you associate with the memory 

may even diminish or disappear. But you simply won’t be able to completely 

forget. The disturbing part of trying to forget is that the harder you try, the 

less you will succeed. 

3. Trying to start over might actually smooth out the relationship. But 

smoothing out the relationship is not forgiving. In addition, pretending that 

the event didn’t matter might communicate to the person who hurt you that it 

is okay to hurt you the same way again. 

4. Opening yourself to be hurt again is possible if you continue or restart your 

interaction with the person who hurt you. That decision is separate from a 

decision to forgive or not. You can forgive and restore the relationship (called 

reconciliation) or forgive and not restore the relationship. Or you can not 

forgive but choose to interact with the person (and risk further hurts) or not 

forgive and not choose to interact. 

5. You can accept an excuse or explanation (whether a valid excuse or 

explanation or an inadequate one) and still not forgive the person for hurting 

you. 

6. Smoothing over conflict can be done whether or not you forgive. 

7. This is emotional forgiveness. It acknowledges that a wrong was done but 

chooses not to seek revenge and not to continue to condemn the person who 

hurt you. It is the experience of forgiving because you experience different 

feelings toward the person. 

30 | 



8. Tolerating negative things will generally not stop the negative, and it will 

generally keep you angry and unforgiving. 

9. Accepting someone (with or without acknowledging the flaws) is not 

forgiving. We can accept a person and not forgive a hurtful act by the person. 

Or we can forgive a hurtful act and still not accept the person. 

10. Blaming a person for hurting you certainly acknowledges the person’s 

guilt but blame keeps the hurt “on the front burner.” Confronting the person, 

which is directly talking with the person about the hurt, might help the 

relationship (if the confrontation is done gently in love and other person talks 

instead of attaching or defending). Confronting the person might also damage 

the relationship. Confronting is not forgiving. 

11. Getting someone who hurt you to believe everything is okay when you feel 

hurt is not forgiving; it is deception. The deception might be done for good 

motives (such as to spare feelings or prevent being fired by a boss). Or the 

deception might have more complex or even evil motives (such as setting the 

person up so you can hurt him or her). 

12. Getting even is revenge, not forgiveness. 

13. This is decisional forgiveness. It involves your pledge that your behavior will 

not be aimed at revenge, but that you will try to behave as if the transgression 

never happened. 

14. While having the person apologize, express regret, or beg forgiveness 

might make you willing to put the offense behind you and might allow you 

to feel at peace, it is more like getting justice than like forgiving. If the other 

person humbles himself or herself enough to satisfy your sense of justice, 

often the other person will feel resentful and feel that you might have asked 

for too much. 



Deconstructing and 

Defining Forgiveness 

When you hear the word “forgiveness,” or the verb “to forgive,” 

what comes to your mind? In the article, Forgive Me, Forgive Me 

Not. 8 Things that Forgiveness is and 8 Things it is not, Neil Faber, 

adjunct Professor of Psychology at Arizona State University, outlines the 

essential features of forgiveness and dismantles some prejudices that shape 

the “how” we understand and live forgiveness. Indeed, depending on our 

perspective on forgiveness, there will be a big difference in the way we offer, 

receive, and perceive forgiveness. Finally, the author also presents some of 

the benefits (spiritual, psychological, and physical) flowing from forgiveness. 

Before moving forward, consider the following points and ponder 

whether you can recognize yourself in one, some, or all of them. 

If he/she asks for forgiveness, I think I could forgive him/her. 

Forget about forgiveness: I do not want to be weak! 

I don’t know why I should forgive him/her. In fact, I didn’t do anything wrong. 

I do not want to forgive: he/she does not deserve my forgiveness. 

Well, I guess I should forgive, because, after all, the offense and the pain caused 

by it are not so big. 

32 | 



Even if I forgive him/her, our relationship would never be like it was before. 

I would love to be able to forgive, but the problem is that I’m not able to forget. 

If you recognized yourself in one, some, or all of the above statements, you 

probably misunderstand what forgiveness is all about. 

The author defines forgiveness 

as a challenging and slow 

process of healing, the first 

step of which implies recognizing 

the pain and wounds received. 

Through this acknowledgement we 

activate a journey toward freedom. 

Feelings of vengeance, resentment, 

or of anger fade away, leaving room 

for peace, rather than mere justice, 

proximity with others, and renewed 

connections. Through forgiveness we 

experience both stress reduction and 

improvement in our quality of life. 

By its very nature, forgiveness is one 

of the significant and real challenges 

we all face at some point in our lives. 

Often, though, we make it more difficult 

than it is due to our misconceptions 

about forgiveness. It is very easy to 

misunderstand, and, consequently, 

to misapply and misuse forgiveness. 

Among the common stereotypes 

and false assumptions regarding 

forgiveness, the author mentions 

the fact that we often think that we 

need to receive an apology before 

we forgive. In thinking this way, 

we forget that forgiveness is not 

dependent on this expectation (it 

could never happen), and it doesn’t 

require an acknowledgment of the 

wrong done by the wrongdoer. An 

apology doesn’t need to be asked 

for. Forgiveness is unconditional 

because it is not restrained by any 

specific conditions related to the 

wrongdoer (his/her repentance, 

request of forgiveness, awareness, 

etc.). Forgiveness is totally gratuitous. 

A second common misunderstanding 

presumes that forgiveness is a onetime 

action: that once it is done, it 

is done. Now, we have to keep in 

mind that one of the reasons why 

forgiveness is challenging is exactly 

because rather than being an action, it 

is a process: a process of healing whose 

length depends on many variables. 

A third misleading stereotype is 

thinking that forgiving is synonymous 

with forgetting. If we forget, we don’t 

have anything to forgive. Forgetting 

should never be a requirement 



for forgiveness to happen. 

A fourth stereotype, connected with 

the previous point, is that forgiveness 

does not imply repressing our painful 

memories or denying, diminishing 

or ignoring the gravity of the wrong 

received; likewise, forgiveness does 

not mean condoning or tolerating 

injustice and wrong behavior. 

Forgiveness is not a feeling. We 

do not have to wait for the feeling 

to forgive to well up in us. This 

might never happen! And while we 

wait for this to happen, we remain 

chained by bitterness and anger. 

Finally, forgiveness does not have 

to be identified with reconciliation. 

Forgiveness might lead to 

reconciliation, but it does not imply 

it. We can offer forgiveness without 

reconciliation. 

As far as the beneficial effects 

of forgiveness are concerned, the 

author outlines three: first, as much 

as receiving God’s forgiveness 

sets us free, so too does extending 

forgiveness set us free from the 

chains of resentment, anger, and 

revenge. It brings peace leading to joy. 

Secondly, forgiveness creates 

proximity between the one who did 

wrong and the one who received it. 

To borrow the language of the parable 

of the Good Samaritan (see Luke 

10:25-37), forgiveness transforms us 

from resentful wounded people to 

wounded “neighbours,” or wounded 

brothers or sisters. Normally and 

naturally, the harm we have received 

becomes a kind of invisible lens 

through which we look at the person 

who harmed us. We look at the person 

as “the one who harmed me,” as “the 

one who wounded me,” as “the one 

who did me wrong.” The pain we 

have experienced makes us shortsighted: 

with seemingly plausible 

and sensible reasons, our pain and 

wounds distort our way of relating 

to the wrongdoer. The process of 

forgiveness transforms this point 

of view. And prayer becomes very 

handy and relevant. 

Praying for the well-being of the one 

who did wrong (more challenging 

than what you might think) leads us to 

perceive him/her less from the vantage 

point of the pain we have experienced, 

and more from God’s perspective, 

that is a forgiving one. In doing so, 

prayer creates proximity, connection, 

and it helps to heal and strengthen 

relationships that have been harmed. 

Finally, forgiveness can impact our 

health. Forgiveness brings physical 

and psychological benefits to the 

person who forgives: both medicine 

and psychology have proven that 

forgiveness lowers stress levels, 

implements well-being, and even 

34 | 



Forgiving people are less prone to suffer heart disease, high blood pressure, 

and other chronic and stress-related illnesses than unforgiving people. 

SOURCE: Farber, Neil. “Forgive Me, Forgive Me Not. 8 Things that Forgiveness 

is and 8 Things it is not.” Psychology Today, 29 Oct. 2015. Read the full article 

here. 

"Forgiveness is not 

an occasional act, 

it is a constant 

attitude." 

MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. 



What Is 

Forgiveness? 

Forgiveness is a matter of accepting life as it comes to us especially 

when things go differently from what we have been hoping for and 

our expectations are frustrated and hurt. Acceptance, for Fred Luskin, 

is not developing a fatalistic attitude toward life. It is, rather, the result of 

a choice that evolves through a process of progressive acceptance. This 

process is activated by grieving, but without clinging to the negative part 

of the experience, i.e. that of having been hurt. Healthy grief implies three 

stages: it requires us to acknowledge the harm received, to experience those 

feelings that normally accompany the negative experience, and to share the 

harm and the negative experience with a trusted confidant. Through this 

tri-fold process acceptance can sprout and hopefully lead us to forgiveness. 

SOURCE: Luskin, Fred. “What is Forgiveness?” Greater Good Magazine, 19 Aug. 

2010. Read the full article here. 

“Sometimes forgiveness 

is the hardest thing to give, 

but the most cherished thing 

to receive.” 

— Maya Banks — 

36 | 



Pain, disappointment, and 

disillusionment are part of our 

everyday experience. And yet, it 

is not written in stone that they have to 

define us and direct our lives because 

we have a choice. We can choose to 

succumb to our negative experiences, 

or choose the opposite path, i.e. 

we can choose to not let past hurts 

determine how we feel in the present. 

Indeed, for renowned author and 

director of the Stanford University 

Forgiveness Project, Dr. Fred 

Luskin, forgiveness is the result of a 

deliberate and intentional choice to 

enter and start a process of healing 

articulated in nine progressive stages 

(see the link to the second article) that 

provide us with the necessary skills 

to become more forgiving people. 

Forgiving: 

An Art & Process We Can Learn? 

Forgiveness, for Dr. Luskin, 

is something we can learn to 

practice. Starting from the smallest 

grievances we can learn the skills 

to limit the negative effects that 

pain and anger can have on us, and 

intentionally choose forgiveness 

over resentment and bitterness. 

SOURCES: Luskin, Fred. “The Choice 

to Forgive.” Greater Good Magazine, 

1 Sept. 2004. Read the full article 

here; Luskin, Fred. “Nine Steps to 

Forgiveness.” Greater Good Magazine, 

1, Sept. 2004. Read the full article 

here. 



The Invisible Barriers to 

Forgiveness 

Most of us, if not all, find forgiveness challenging to live and practice. We 

naturally perceive barriers and invisible walls that, even if we want 

to, seem to refrain us from being able to forgive. Such inability, in most 

cases, doesn’t have anything to do with a lack of moral or religious values. It is 

not even because of our misconceptions regarding forgiveness, i.e., for example, 

thinking that forgiving means excusing, overlooking, forgetting, condoning or 

diminishing the harm received; or, that we need to be asked for forgiveness by 

the wrongdoer, or that forgiveness is a sign of weakness, and so forth. We simply 

experience the challenge of forgiving because forgiveness is challenging! 

The article deals with some of the barriers preventing us from giving 

forgiveness. But it takes a very interesting route. Rather than following the 

38 | 



results of previous studies on the psychological impediments to forgiveness, 

according to which barriers to forgiving were identified in a lack of compassion 

and kindness, the research of Ian Williamson and Marti Gonzales focused 

on the fears and concerns of the victims when considering the ‘forgivenessoption.’ 

One such concern is ‘unreadiness;’ another is identified with ‘selfprotection,’ 

and the third one with ‘face concerns.’ Can all of them, or just 

one or two of them, explain why you might find forgiveness challenging? 

To find out, read the article, “How to Overcome Barriers to Forgiveness.” 

SOURCES: Graham, Linda. “How to Overcome Barriers to Forgiveness.” Greater 

Good Magazine, 13 May 2014. Read the full article here. 

“Never forget 

the three powerful resources 

you always have available to you: 

love, 

prayer, 

forgiveness.” 

— H. Jackson Brown Jr. — 



Keys to Unlock 

Forgiveness 

When we decide not to forgive, 

we also decide to let our past 

wounds and hurts define us 

and to influence our choices 

“here” and “now”. 

Forgiveness, on the contrary, acts exactly in the opposite direction. It gives 

us back our life by making us free - free to reach the highest point. In the 

Gospel of Luke one episode speaks for itself in this regard: Jesus on the 

cross (Luke 23:24). 

Freedom is not the only benefit of forgiving. Forgiveness bears other fruits 

too. Nancy Radford, author of the article Forgiveness: The Key to a Happier 

Future, mentions among them: the cleansing of our mind and heart to give 

up thoughts such as “I will make him/her pay,” “I’ll just wait to see him/her 

unhappy or in trouble,” and to let go of our grudges. 

Nancy Radford’s article, besides mentioning briefly some of the benefits 

of forgiveness, lists some specific steps or keys that can help us in becoming 

more forgiving people. 

SOURCES: Radford, Nancy. “Forgiveness: The Keys into a Happier Future.” 

Positive Psychology Program, 22 Nov. 2018. Updated on May 23, 2019. Read 

the full article here. 

40 | 



The Key of All the Keys: 

Let It Go, Let It Be. 

We all know this truth: forgiveness is a 

vital decision to make because 

it requires the ability of letting go. We do not have too many choices: letting 

go is the “conditio sine qua non” for forgiveness to happen. If we want to 

forgive, we need to learn to let go. But why and how? With this question in 

mind, Nancy Radford’s article unfolds six basic points, three for the “why” and 

other three related to the “how.” 

From her perspective, the “why” discloses three different answers: letting 

go saves us from more unnecessary pain, i.e. the pain of seeing our wounds 

go unrecognized and unnoticed by the wrongdoer; it prevents us from 

developing a “victim complex;” and it protects us from the danger of selfpity. 

Finally, in the last section of the article, Nancy Radford deals with the 

“how.” She outlines a basic threefold process structured around the following 

essential stages: acknowledgement of our pain, recognition of our needs, and 

resolution to take action. 

SOURCE: Radford, Nancy. “Letting Go of Resentment: How and Why.” Nancy 

Radford Mediation and Coaching, 6 Mar. 2018. Read the full article here. 



Forgiveness: 

Is It Worth Forgiving? 

In our current cultural context, forgiveness is a counter-cultural 

phenomenon; because of that, it can be easily mistaken for an act 

of madness, an unreasonable choice that does not bring any kind of 

advantage. The article written by Everett L. Worthington challenges this 

assumption: considering how challenging forgiveness is, do you think it is 

really worth it to forgive? What do we get back in exchange for letting go 

of our pain and wounds? Why should we forgive, rather than give back the 

wrong received? 

The author’s thesis, supported through references to some of the most 

exhaustive studies in this matter, is that forgiveness actually brings a fourfold 

benefit: physical, psychological, social and spiritual. Indeed, findings 

from current research on forgiveness established that forgiveness can 

change our own physiology, including lowering blood pressure, heart rate, 

sweat activity, as well as lower tension and improve both cardiovascular and 

immune systems. 

Forgiving people also show a lower degree of stress, a higher degree of selfesteem 

and satisfaction, less risk of psychological distress caused by feelings 

such as nervousness, restlessness, and sadness, and happier relationships. 

It has also been found that forgiveness contributes to reducing levels of 

anxiety, anger and grief. 

As far as the social aspect is concerned, forgiveness seems to foster the wellbeing 

of those relationships that demand a strong degree of commitment; it 

restores more benevolent and cooperative goals to relationships. 

Finally, forgiving people are more prone to consider things from the other 

person’s perspective and less prone in dwelling on how fair or unfair a 

transgression was, or how just or unjust a solution might be. 

If you still wonder, if and how worthwhile forgiveness might be for our 

pursuit of well-being, read Everett L. Worthington’s article to find out more 

details about the benefits that forgiveness has in store for you. Isn’t it worth 

it to cultivate forgiving attitudes? 

SOURCES: Worthington, Everett. “The New Science of Forgiveness.” Greater 

Good Magazine, 1, Sept. 2004. Read the full article here. 

42 | 



Section #3 

Useful 

Resources 



Resources: 

Featured Resources of the Month 

To watch the video “Dr. Fred Luskin Talks 

About The Power of Forgiveness”, click on 

the picture. 

To watch the video “Forgive For Good”, 

featuring Dr. Fred Luskin, click on the picture. 

To visit the website Greater Good in 

Action, click on the picture. 

To preview the book “The Art of Forgiving. 

When You Need to Forgive and Don’t Know 

How”, click on the image. 

44 | 



Resources: 

Resource List of the Month 

In each edition of the magazine, THEOSIS - Transformation 

will offer its readers multimedia resources for their continued exploration and reflection. 

Such resources will be related to the theme of that particular edition. 

Web Books Videos 

Greater Good in Action. 

University of California - Berkeley 

Website Homepage 

The Forgiveness Project 

Archbishop Desmond Tutu & Dame 

Anita Roddick, Founding Patrons 


Ignatian Spirituality.com 

A service of Loyola Press 


Allen R. Hunt 

Everybody Needs to Forgive 

Somebody 

Preview the book here 

Lewis Smedes 

Forgive and Forget: Healing the 

Hurts We Don’t Deserve 


Lewis Smedes 

The Art of Forgiving: When You 

Need to Forgive and Don’t Know 

How 


Forgive For Good 

Dr. Fred Luskin 

Watch the video here 

How and Why to Forgive 

Dr. Fred Luskin 


Joseph Forgives 

(Genesis 42-45) 

Kids’ video 




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Get in Touch. We’d Love to Hear from You. 

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