FULMER NEWSLETTER - Fulmer Village

A CLASSIC TALE
It was a warm and sunny day along the Messina Straits without a tourist in
sight – but then this was a long, long time ago so neither they nor Thomas
Cook had yet been invented. Nevertheless the world, as we never knew it,
was a very pleasant place for the few inhabitants who had the means to enjoy
it so, in one respect, the year Dot B.C. wasn‟t so different from today.
Charybdis was well settled by the sea, though a trifle hot. While this name is
widely known, even now, few scholars are aware that it is actually two names
run into one – possibly due to some careless Greek chiseller. So it was that
hot weather notwithstanding, Bdis was chary about putting a toe in the water
lest the close neighbour, Scylla, might suddenly go into a spin and drown him
in an overwhelming embrace. Certainly he did not want to get so deeply
involved for she was always in such a whirl, you understand; at least it is
hoped that you do, otherwise, where is the point – as the dragon enquired of
St George just before flame-out.
Scylla‟s normal greeting to a passing man-of-the-sea was “hello Sailor”, but of
late the jolly tars had jacked in getting too close, having realised that this was
a clear invitation to a quick twirl then a long goodbye. Bdis, however was just
about to risk a dip when there was a sudden shout and a blinking Pluto,
unused to daylight hove up from Hades.
“I say Bdis”, he barked, “Can you tell me where to find that ghastly boatman?
I‟ve got to look lively and get the help I can‟t get on this side of the Styx”.
“But”, said Bdis, “Charon only runs a one-way service, as you should well
know, Pluto. Always in at the death so to speak, not a lively chap at all, doubt
he‟ll agree to change his ways. His nick-name is Hades Corpus, by the way”.
“Oh, I‟ll collar him” said Pluto, “It‟s not much good being a God as well as a
Hollywood icon if I can‟t get what I want. I just have to hop over to Sicily to
get help from Ma Fiosa”.
“Pluto”, said Bdis, “you need to be very careful having dealings with The
Family, and for heavens sake don‟t cross that Rubi Con. He‟s renowned as an
ethnic confidence trickster and can get very nasty. Anyway, why on Earth do
you need help from The Family”?.
“Well”, said Pluto, “Right now I‟m caught between a rock and a hard place”.
“True”, murmured Bdis, casting his eye over at Scylla, “But what‟s the
problem? You already can do just whatever you like in the underworld”!
“That is precisely the problem; I can‟t do whatever I like anymore. I‟ve even
had to let Eurydice live despite Orpheus looking at her against my express
instructions”. “How in Hades did that happen”? asked an astonished Bdis.
“It‟ll ruin the legends”. “It‟s all because of some bloke, there‟s no other
description, that Charon brought over to me. He‟s called Bob and crows about
how he is going to run the Underground now that he‟s been dropped in it –
curious phrase”.