Life sketches of ellen g. white

This I tried to do, but found it impossible to believe that
I had received a blessing which, it seemed to me, should
electrify my whole being. I wondered at my own hardness of
heart in being unable to experience the exaltation of
spirit that others manifested. It seemed to me that I was
different from them, and forever shut out from the perfect
joy of holiness of heart. p. 28, Para. 1, [LS15].
My ideas concerning justification and sanctification were
confused. These two states were presented to my mind as
separate and distinct from each other; yet I failed to
comprehend the difference or understand the meaning of the
terms, and all the explanations of the preachers increased
my difficulties. I was unable to claim the blessing for
myself, and wondered if it was to be found only among the
Methodists, and if, in attending the advent meetings, I was
not shutting my self away from that which I desired above
all else,-- the sanctifying Spirit of God. p. 28, Para. 2,
[LS15].
Still I observed that some of those who claimed to be
sanctified, manifested a bitter spirit when the subject of
the soon coming of Christ was introduced. This did not seem
to me a manifestation of the holiness which they professed.
I could not understand why ministers from the pulpit should
so oppose the doctrine that Christ's second coming was
near. Reformation had followed the preaching of this
belief, and many of the most devoted ministers and laymen
had received it as the truth. It seemed to me that those
who sincerely loved Jesus would be ready to accept the
tidings of His coming, and rejoice that it was at hand. p.
29, Para. 1, [LS15].
I felt that I could claim only what they called
justification. In the word of God I read that without
holiness no man should see God. Then there was some higher
attainment that I must reach before I could be sure of
eternal life. I studied over the subject continually; for I
believed that Christ was soon to come, and feared He would
find me unprepared to meet Him. Words of condemnation rang
in my ears day and night, and my constant cry to God was,
"What shall I do to be saved?" p. 29, Para. 2, [LS15].
The Doctrine of Eternal Punishment -- In my mind the
justice of God eclipsed His mercy and love. The mental
anguish I passed through at this time was very great. I had
been taught to believe in an eternally burning hell; and as