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One Soldiers War in Chechnya - Download free ebook

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gaze didn’t fix on us but rather looked<br />

right through the rank of soldiers, to a<br />

place where her son was still alive.<br />

The heat <strong>in</strong> me suddenly abated. I<br />

couldn’t say anyth<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong> my defence,<br />

could offer no words of justification<br />

beneath this mother’s gaze. Indeed I<br />

suddenly felt very ashamed. Ashamed of<br />

the major and his pat phrases, ashamed<br />

of how the major couldn’t see the<br />

mendacity of his words, and how<br />

ridiculous his staged little show<br />

appeared. Ashamed for the army that had<br />

killed her son and had now put on this<br />

display <strong>in</strong> front of her, and ashamed of<br />

myself as a component of that army.<br />

I wanted to sit down with her and tell<br />

her it wasn’t true, this label of ‘deserter’

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