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Lisa's #2 principle: name the bleeding The point being that: had our man been a tad
wildebeest's head in the room more open about his process, he might have
rescued some shred of credibility with his client.
By which she means the topic that no-one wants
to talk about. Somehow, by 'naming the bleeding Lisa's #4 principle understand the
wildebeest's head' it galvanizes the female importance of instilling self confidence
response.
In my brokerage days I once had a steel sailing In matters boat-wise I'm no expert teacher but
vessel on the books; a well built vessel but with an there is one technique that I know works
unusual rig, definitely not everyone's cup of tea. In effectively to instill self confidence with my partner.
transporting the interested couple out to the boat
moored in an adjacent bay, I couldn't help but
Lisa calls it 'reminding her how far she's come'.
notice the man's large file of vessel information.
We are motoring the brokerage workboat slowly
through the anchorage and I take the opportunity
to try and gauge what it is that they are truly
seeking. Thinking that maybe the husband is a tad
anal… 'analysis to paralysis' and all that… I say:
“so… er …Adrian …how many boats have you seen”.
Lily, ready for anything!
Because our trips are less frequent these days, she
sometimes has to re-learn basic stuff to her
embarrassment (I do too… but I don't tell her).
She'll say: “look you've shown me umpteen times
how to tie a bowline but dammit I've forgotten…will
you show me again?”
“OK but remember how once you'd be sea sick and
hanging over the side and now you can sail the
boat in thirty knots …look how far you've come.”
His answer shocks me and I am difficult to shock.
“So….er… Adrian how well do you remember the
first boat you looked at?” His wife raises her eyes to
the heavens.
I have unwittingly named 'the bleeding wildebeest's
head in the room'. They have yet to even lay eyes
upon the vessel we're about to inspect; yet some
instinct tells me that the die has been cast. They
will buy this boat. She's had enough!
Knowing nothing about sailing and never before
having been to sea, she hires a delivery skipper and
his junior assistant on the basis that she will learn
from his experience on route. In presenting his
credentials the skipper big-notes his experience in a
manner that my friend finds vaguely discomforting.
Nevertheless in deference to his experience, she
agrees to the delivery fee and stumps up half prior
to embarkation.
Trouble begins as soon as they cross the Gold Coast
seaway. Motoring into a heavy southerly swell the
delivery skipper retires to his bunk incapacitated by
Lisa's #5 principle take the time women must
feel understood
Until I became aware of the problem there were
many occasions when in the midst of an argument
with my partner, I would realize that she and I are
on entirely different tracks like two trains passing
on adjacent rail lines and about to roar past one
another in opposite directions.
Lisa's # 3 principle overcome male reluctance
to share the process
sea-sickness. From that moment forward he doesn't
set foot on deck until the boat docks in NSW. The
good lady is left with junior; his knowledge of boat
The way around this problem I discovered is to
stop; listen to her position, as agonizing as it may
be; and then to summarize my understanding of
handling, sailing and navigation: zip, zero, nadah!
her argument back to her. What I'm hearing is that
Men are typically less 'process driven' in their
communications with women. They are less inclined
to relate how they learned a particular skill, possibly
because the admission of historic ignorance is
somehow embarrassing. Yet how a skill is learned
and acquired is information that according to Lisa,
women particularly appreciate hearing.
A lady skipper once related to me the story of how
her first cruising sail-boat was delivered from
Brisbane to Sydney.
The skipper moreover has vomited a stinking
slippery mess onto the cabin floor with the result
that the vessel's interior is virtually uninhabitable.
Alone, terrified and unable to leave the deck in
rough weather, she somehow manages to navigate
the boat to Coffs Harbor, whereupon skipper and
junior exit the boat without a backward glance.
In reality, sea sickness and competence at sea are
not mutually exclusive.
you feel dah dah dah because dah dah dah…is that
right?
It's surprising …no absolutely amazing …how often
it isn't!
TCP Note: Stuart is the author of the “online”
book (PDF) How to sell your boat, the formula.
See his website:www.conjointnetwork.com
SY Velella