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The
tHe esoteriC arts
By Bolshevik
If you’ve been alive and AstrologY, at least partially tArot con- cArds, tions the PAlM stylelife reAdIng, crew and I would And receive rune if stones It was sheer HAve lunacy. Been We PArt were in full party mode
scious in America during oF tHe the last seductIon few months coMMunItY we hit the sInce town wearing Its concePtIon. snuggies. It dawned In neIl on strAuss’ and geared thE up GamE to turn tHese the town upside down so
then you’ve no doubt Arts been Were exposed cAlled to the “cHIck lat- me crAck” that this BecAuse could be a oF wonderful WoMen’s social InsAtIABle experi- we APPetIte piled into For gypsy’s tHe un- car and floored it for Holest
infomercial product knoWn. sweeping the tHese nation. Four I’ll stYles ment. oF Would Fortune it be possible tellIng, to attract And women MAnY in More lywood. lIke tHeM, Are All
give you a hint: it’s blue PArt and oF soft A and grouP ridiculous. oF dIscIPlInes a toasty warm cAlled body-length tHe esoterIc blanket? Arts. After a few
First seen on silly low budget commercials late at clicks of the mouse our snuggies were ordered As we approached the first bar we were pumped
night, it has had a meteoric
tHe PrIMArY
rise in exposure
PurPose
and
oF tHe esoterIc Arts, In regArds to seductIon, Is to HelP BuIld
and we were about to find out.
up to burst through the doors and make a splash.
become a cultural phenomenon
coMFort
as the
As Well
latest high
As An eMotIonAl connectIon. coMFort BuIldIng routInes, sucH
the sneak busted out some impromptu freestyle
profile gimmicky consumer
As “tHe
item
cuBe”
guaranteed
or “strAWBerrY
to
FIelds,” AlloW You to BuIld A deeP eMotIonAl connec-
the fateful day of the snuggie adventure arrived rap about the joys of wearing a snuggie as we
become the hot gag gift
tIon
this holiday
WItH
season.
Your tArget. tHe esoterIc Arts do tHe sAMe WItH tHe Added BeneFIt oF
and we met at the stylelife office to don the strode up the street towards the entrance. We
reAcHIng A Person sPIrItuAllY.
comfy robes and sarge Hollywood. the crew handed the bouncer our Id’s and he barely bat-
Yes, I’m talking about relIgIon, the snuggie. sPIrItuAlItY, the sleeved And consisted tHe occult of me, gypsy, HAve the AlWAYs sneak, Been and Mike, PoWerFul ted an tools eye at how oF seduc- obscenely ridiculous we were
blanket to be worn while tIon. you tHeY lounge AlloW on the us An stylelife’s escAPe crack FroM software tHe constrAInts developer. After oF some tHe MAterIAl dressed. I World, suppose a And doorman in Hollywood is
sofa watching tv like a oFFer fleece us robe tHe to HoPe keep you tHAt useless We Are arguing not MerelY over who sPecks would oF wear dust which In An IndIFFerent prone to becoming unIverse; jaded and we might have
comfortably wrapped sPIrItuAlItY in your own warmth MAkes and us Feel snuggie lIke tHere (they were Is soMetHIng all the same size lArger and color) out tHere been WorkIng one of the In least our curious spectacles he’d
shame. Much like the FAvor. Flowbee tHIs in the Is 90’s, WHY this tHese we sYsteMs gleefully HAve threw Been on our so snuggies PoWerFul and added For so long seen on And a Friday WHY night. tHeY the doors swung opon
quirky item has become reMAIn its own greAt punchline. tools It is For some seductIon additional to accessories tHIs dAY. to make ourselves before us and we bounded inside the bar to
the target of ridicule from high profile comedians all the more outlandish: sunglasses, headbands make a grand entrance, expecting the arrival of
tHe Four Most PoPulAr
such as Jay leno who mercilessly mock its cheesy and
esoterIc
gypsy even
Arts
wore
Are
a
AstrologY,
duck pin. It’s
tArot,
surprising
PAlM
four
reAdIng,
wildly dressed
And rune
snuggie freaks to ignite the
stones. tHese Arts Are
commercial and the gullible dimwits who buy how
relAtIvelY
quickly four
coMPlex
grown adults
And
regress
cAn seeM
to play-
overWHelMIng
crowd into an eruption
At FIrst
of joy at the mere sight
glAnce, But WItH A FeW
them. the derision is well deserved as anyone ful
sIMPle
children
tIPs
once
You
they’re
cAn
dressed
APPeAr
up
As
and
tHougH
feeling
You’ve
of us. But
Been
there
studYIng
was no burst of applause, laugh-
AnY oF tHese Arts For YeArs.
who’s seen one can attest that people wearing a giddy. We were riled up and giggling like four ter, or high fives. We found ourselves standing in
snuggie look absurdly silly.
I took this as a challenge. After all, absurdly silly
is my specialty. I wondered what kind of reac-
07 01 WINGMAN | FEBRUARY 2010
overview
By evolve
Japanese school girls in a Hello kitty store. We
joked and rough housed and made up names for
our snuggie alter egos. I became snoop snuggie
snug and gypsy transformed into dJ snugglebug.
the middle of a quiet, near-empty bar with half-
asleep patrons. there were mostly small groups
scattered throughout all transfixed on a multi-
tude of flat screen tv’s watching various sport-