Boris Prigmore Resilience Tips for Parents V2.5.pptx

Building(Resilience(in(Teens( 

Less(life(experience( 

( 

means(pi=alls(can(hit( 

hard...( 

Boris(Prigmore( 

All(rights(reserved(Boris(the(Coach.com( 

Pi=alls( 


Being(a(teen(today( 

• It’s(tougher(than(in(our(day( 

• Plenty(more(pi=alls( 

– Facebook(/(YouTube( 

– Exams(/(Coursework(pressures( 

– Media(conformity((Gadgets)( 

– Body(Image(pressures( 

( 

• More(pressure(on(Parents( 

• Parental(expectaKons( 


• But(you(can(help(them( 

out(of(a(hole...( 

Pi=alls( 

All(rights(reserved(Boris(the(Coach.com(

Changes(in(Teen(Years( 

• PreMteens(are(compliant...(( 

• Brain(Changes((MyelinaKon)( 

• Less(able(to(recognise(emoKons( 

– Use(quiet(voice(to(be(heard( 

• Sleep(PaQerns(Changes( 

– Day(night(reversal( 



• Girls( 

– Brain(develops(first(then(body(changes( 

– Hormones(/(Menark( 

– It’s(about(feeling(/(emoKons(THEN(acKons( 

– Girls(share(personal(informaKon(with(each(other(( 

– Hold(on(to(things(for(longer( 

– Less(freedom((sleepovers(no(longer(guarenteed)( 



• Boys(( 

– It’s(about(ACTIONS(not(emoKons( 

• Timed(tasks(/(compeKKon(works(well( 

– 6(M(7(Testosterone(surges(a(day( 

– Shoulders(shoot(outwards( 

– Externalise(anger(and(make(up(quickly( 

– Angry(fists(can(help( 


How(to(help( 

• Sleep(–(Get(a(rouKne(/(Warm(room(/(Bath(/( 

No(screen(use(1(hr(before(bed( 

• Pick(your(baQles(( 

– How(important(is(that(Kdy(room?( 

• Praise/explain(the(behaviour(you(want(( 

– Mickey(Mouse( 


Online(Time( 


Cyberbullying(–(How(to(help( 

• Be(there(for(your(kids((explain(bullying(is(never( 

right)( 

• Don’t(Judge(/(Over(React( 

• Talk(to(the(school( 

• Keep(records/screenshots(of(things(sent(and( 

when( 

• Not(opening(emails/texts(works( 

• So(does(blocking(people/accounts( 


(Cyber)(bullying( 

• Kids(spend(43(hours(a(month(online(( 

– We(assume(about(19( 

• EmoKonal(and(can(feel(24(/(7( 

• Can(feel(like(many(more(people( 

• Don’t(have(to(be(the(iniKal(poster/tweeter(to(be( 

involved( 

• Internet(Safety(is(a(life(skill( 

• Warning(Signs( 

– Depression( 

– Withdrawal(from(social(situaKons( 

– Spending(more(and(more(Kme(online( 


Cyberbullying(–(How(to(help( 

• Tell(children(NEVER(to(agree(to(meet(someone( 

• Tell(Kids(NEVER(to(share(log(in(informaKon( 

• Supervise(online(Kme((SKck(to(your(guns(on(this)( 

• Remove(internet(enabled(computers(from( 

bedrooms( 

• Have(older(cousins(act(as(Cyber(Mentors( 

– That(picture(isn’t(appropriate(for(Facebook( 


Resilience( 

! 

“The!capacity!to!recover! 

quickly!from!difficul7es;! 

toughness”! 


You( ( ( ( ( ( ( (Not(you( 


DifficulKes( 

! 

“The!stuff!there!to!stop! 

those!who!don’t!want!it! 

enough”! 


• It’s(a(thinking(Style...(( 

• You(CAN(LEARN(THIS( 

Good(News( 

• It’s(simple(AND(takes(pracKce( 


Resilience(Myth( Resilience(Fact( 

Never(Show(EmoKon( Regulate(EmoKon( 

About(the(individual( About(individuals(and( 

relaKonships( 

Must(handle(everything(on( 

your(own( 

Asking(for(help(is(a(resilient( 

strategy( 

Always(act(fast( Know(when(to(slow(down( 

Accomplish(superhuman( 

feats( 

Bounce(back( 

Always(fully(composed( Not(always(preQy((Muddling( 

through)( 

Have(it(or(you(don’t(( Everyone(can(develop(it( 

It’s(a(desKnaKon( It’s(a(process( 


Self(Awareness( 

• Aware(of(your(behaviours,(emoKons(and( 

thoughts( 

• NoKce(your(thinking(paQerns( 

• Aware(of(any(thought(paQerns(that(aren’t( 

helpful( 


Resilience(is(made(up(of( 

• SelfMawareness( 

• SelfMregulaKon(( 

• OpKmism((( 

• Mental(Flexibility( 

• Character(strengths/Self(Efficacy(( 

• ConnecKon(( 


Self(regulaKon( 

• Able(to(regulate(your(emoKons(and( 

behaviours(to(achieve(your(goals( 

• Express(emoKons(appropriately( 

– Not(be(overwhelmed(by(them( 

• Grit(to(keep(going( 

– E.g.(“I’m(going(to(do(so(well(they(won’t(believe( 

I’m(the(same(person”( 


OpKmism( 

• RealisKc(opKmism( 

• Learn(to(look(for(the(good(stuff( 

• Know(what(you(can(control( 

• Maintain(Hope( 

• Have(confidence(in(yourself( 

• Look(for(silver(linings( 


Know(your(strengths( 

• Know(your(strengths(and(how(you( 

use(them(to(overcome(challenges/ 

meet(goals( 

• Have(faith(in(your(strengths,(skills( 

and(abiliKes( 

• What(strengths(did(you(use(to( 

overcome(X(challenge?( 

• Take(healthy(risks( 


Mental(Agility( 

• Think(flexibility(and(accurately( 

• Take(other(Points(of(View( 

• Find(and(understand(issues(in(your( 

way( 

• Be(willing(to(try(new(approaches( 

• Think(of(someone(you(admire,(how( 

may(they(deal(with(this?( 


ConnecKon( 

• Be(able(to(build(strong(relaKonships( 

• PosiKve(and(effecKve( 

communicaKon( 

• Empathy( 

• Willingness(to(ask(for(help( 

• SupporKng(others( 


Ways(to(Help(–(Your(ABC’s( 

• AcKvaKng(Event( 

• Beliefs(about(the(event( 

• Consequence(of(those(thoughts( 


Ways(to(Help( 

• Minimise(Catastrophic(thinking( 

• Guided(MeditaKon(REALLY(WORKS(( 

(...and(they(love(it( 

• Controlled(Breathing((...in(for(5(out(for(7( 

• (( 

• NoKce(your(inner(criKc...(Is(it(bringing(you( 

down(or(building(you(up?(( 

( All(rights(reserved(Boris(the(Coach.com( 

My(Mate(Tim( 

• AcKvaKng(Event(=(You’re(not(good(enough( 

• Belief(=(I’ll(get(so(fit(they’ll(have(to(take(me( 

• Consequence(=(Woke(me(up(at(6am(every(day( 


Ways(to(Help( 

• Avoid(generalisaKons....( 

• Who(do(you(see?(Would(you(invest(in(them?( 

( 


Ways(to(help( 

• Provide(a(safe(place(to(discuss(things( 

• Help(them(work(out(the(answers( 

• Encourage(them(to(find(healthy(challenges/ 

goals( 


Ways(to(build(Self(Esteem( 

• Build(Self(Efficacy( 

– Knowing(they(CAN(handle(whatever(comes(their( 

way( 

• This(results(in(Self(Esteem( 


Ways(to(build(Self(Esteem( 

• Boost(your(child's(understanding(of(their( 

Strengths( 

• Praise(the(effort,(be(specific( 

• Believe(in(them( 

• Try(hQp://selfesteemgames.mcgill.ca( 

• Give(PerspecKve(( 

– “I(know(you’ll(get(through(this”( 

• “If(you’re(going(through(hell(Keep(going”( 

– Churchill( 


Things(you(can(do(to(help( 

• Teach(your(kids(Goal(Seong( 

– Goldilocks(goals((not(too(hard(or(easy)( 

– Specific(&(AQainable(( 

– Keep(Steps( 

– IdenKfy(PotenKal(Obstacles( 

– IdenKfy(Workarounds((flexible(thinking)( 



• Silver(Linings(game( 

– State(the(situaKon...(( 

followed(by( 

– One(thing(I(did(well(was...( 

• E.g.(I(found(the(match(tough,(one(thing(I(did( 

well(was(passing(to(Georgia( 


What(if(you’re(worried?( 

• Ask(some(quesKons( 

• Say(you(are(concerned( 

• Ask(if(we(can(talk(about(it( 

• How(would(you(like(me(to(take(this(forward?( 



• Providing(a(safe(space(for(conversaKon( 

– Talk(about(stuff(that’s(not(important((films,(tv,( 

etc...)( 

– Find(out(what(they(are(interested(in?( 

• Who(are(your(friends?(What(do(you(like(about(these( 

friends?( 

• What’s(your(favourite(subject?(What(do(you(like(about( 

it?( 

– DO(NOT(OVER(REACT...( 


Some(pi=alls( 

• Being(Busy...(( 

– Make(Kme(for(this(stuff( 

• Not(Really(listening( 

– Quiet(mind( 

– Focus(on(what’s(being(said( 

• Not(Staying(calm( 

– Voice(Mirroring(is(useful( 



• How(I(did(it(journal( 

– Working(with(your(child,(look(at(the(strengths(they( 

used(to(achieve(any(given(goal( 

• GraKtude(Journal( 

– Every(day(5(things(to(be(grateful(for...(No(repeKKons( 

in(a(week( 

• GraKtude(LeQer(to(someone(special(to(you( 

– It(is(the(hear=elt(descripKon(of(the(meaning(and( 

pleasure(that(you(derived(from(the(relaKonship(or(an( 

instance.( 



• Treasure(Box(Game( 

– Aim(to(develop(posiKve(thinking(paQerns( 

– Make(a(treasure(box...(( 

• At(dinner(everyone(writes(one(posiKve(thing(from(the( 

day( 

• Twice(a(week(children(take(turns(reading(out(the( 

treasures( 

• E.g.(I’m(thankful(for(my(friend(Gene(or(I’m(glad(John( 

asked(for(help(the(other(way( 



• Seong(a(strengths(based(goal( 

– IdenKfy(1(acKon(per(day(to(stretch(that(strength( 

– Check(off(daily(progress( 

– Weekend(review(and(seong(of(next(acKons( 

– At(end(of(week(3(discuss(accomplishments(( 

– Praise(or(reward(them(for(a(job(well(done( 



• Set(increasing(challenges( 

– Building(Self(efficacy( 

– Facing(fear(and(succeeding(gives(you(evidence(of( 

your(self(worth(( 

– Transferable(confidence( 

– Tell(them(to(work(it(out( 

– Richard(Branson(les(to(navigate(home(from(the( 

woods(by(Parents( 


• Post(IT(notes( 

( 

( 

Famous(Failures( 


• Thomas(Edison( 

( 

Jack’s(Thoughts( 

• “Hard(Work(and(a(ton(of(Failures”( 

• “Make(sure(to(be(passionate(about(whatever(it(is( 

you(get(into,(because(otherwise(you(won’t(put(the( 

right(amount(of(work(into(it.”( 


• Click(Link(below:( 

Jack(Andraka( 


Story(of(Jack’s(Success( 

• Focused(on(a(goal( 

• Had(real(Grit( 

( 

• Parents(supported(his(passion...(( 

• ...but(told(him(to(work(stuff(out( 


What(did(his(Parents(say/do( 

• “We're(not(a(superMathleKc(family.(We(don't( 

go(to(much(football(or(baseball...( 

• Instead(we(have(a(million([science](magazines,( 

so(we(sit(around(the(table(and(talk(about(how( 

people(came(up(with(their(ideas(and(what(we( 

would(do(differently."( 


Recap( 

• Teen(Kmes(are(tough( 

• Body(Changes(/(What’s(my(place(in(Society( 

• Sleep(–(No(Screens(1hr(before(bed( 

• Bullying(–(Stay(safe(especially(online( 

• Help(build(your(childs(self(efficacy( 

• Listen(well...((Quiet(mind,(No(Judgement)( 

• Praise(the(effort( 

• Know(your(ABCs( 

• Point(your(kids(towards(their(passions(&(Support( 

their(goals( 


Support(Dreams(&(Passions( 

• Nuture(their(dreams( 

• Focus(them(on(their(Passions(/(Interests( 


And(last(but(by(no(means(least( 

• All(they(need(is(love!( 


Thank(You!( 

• What(are(your(QuesKons?( 

• Email(me(for(support:( 

Boris@BoristheCoach.com(

Boris Prigmore Resilience Tips for Parents V2.5.pptx

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