A Manipulation of Body Boundaries - Reclaiming Children and Youth

life space crisis intervention
A Manipulation of Body Boundaries
"The Set Up"
INTRODUCTORY COMMENTS
Friendship is a complicated relationship; it is essential to
one's feelings of self-esteem and belongingness. Friendship
is necessary for preadolescent children and the major activity
of teens. Psychologically, friendship is based on mutual
trust and respect, a relationship in which neither member
consciously exploits the feelings and resources of the other.
It is an emotional bond that creates more interpersonal freedom
and comfort over time. Friendship means closeness,
sharing secrets, and support. It is something you defend,
protect, fight for, and run to during times of need.
Exposing Peer Exploitation:
The Manipulation of Body Boundaries
Emotionally disturbed students find helpful friendships difficult
to make and maintain. Frequently, their limited interpersonal
skills lead to peer teasing and rejection, instead of
belonging. For some rejected students, the feelings of social
isolation, the desire for acceptance, and the pain of developing
better social skills make them particularly vulnerable to
the manipulative social influence of their peers.
52 .6. JEB-P
Nicholas J. Long and Rebecca Gonsowski
Institute of Psychoeducational Training
Redl called this process of peer exploitation, "the manipulation
of body boundaries." Isolated students, who are looking
for friendship, can be exploited by a more sophisticated student.
Psychologically, the more sophisticated student invades
the body of the needy friend and manipulates his or her
thoughts and behaviors. During any deviant act, the "instigator"
manages to keep out of trouble, while the new friend, the
"victim," carries out the behavior and becomes the unlucky
fall guy. This pattern of peer exploitation is called Manipulation
of Body Boundaries Type I: "False Friendship."
A variation of this pattern of peer exploitation occurs when
the instigator has outstanding "diagnostic" skills and knows
what to say at the right time in the right way to upset another
student. This is called Manipulation of Body Boundaries
Type II: "The Set Up ." This peer exploitation is not based
on friendship, but the pattern usually involves a bright, passive-aggressive
student as the instigator and an aggressive
student as his victim. The instigator's purpose is to get the
victim or aggressive student to blow up and act crazy so that
staff will have to intervene to control and punish this impulsive
student. What makes this pattern fascinating is the startling
fact that the aggressive student has no awareness that
he is being manipUlated.
The following LSCI is an excellent instructional example of
an intervention strategy that addresses this peer exploitation.
A Manipulation of Body
Boundaries Intervention
Type II: "The Set Up "
Background Information:
Stan is a 13-year-old with average intelligence and an explosive
temper. He has been in our program for six months.
Prior to this placement, he was unsuccessful at an approved
private school. He has difficulty maintaining control when
things do not go his way. According to staff at the previous
school, Stan has used his anger as a means of getting his
way; and such behaviors as overturning and throwing furniture
and threatening adults have occurred in the classroom.
Until recently, he has been able to ignore much of the inappropriate
behavior of his peers, except for Bill.

Bill is 10 years old. He is diagnosed Attention Deficit Hyperactive
Disorder (ADHD). He is active, noisy, and unfocused.
In the three weeks he has been with us, it seems that
Bill is involved whenever there is a problem in the classroom.
Unfortunately, he seems to be an expert at setting up
people and then sitting back to enjoy the show. Bill is very
bright and very passive aggressive.
The Incident:
Stan and Bill sit next to each other in the front of the room.
At about 11 :00 on a very chaotic day, another student was
off task and was using the quiet room adjoining the classroom.
He leaned out the doorway and threw a magic marker,
which rolled to a stop in front of Stan's desk.
Immediately, Bill was out of his seat to get the marker. As
I walked toward Bill from the back of the room, where I
was assisting another student, Stan put his hand out as if to
ask for the marker. Bill said something that I could not
hear. Stan was instantly enraged. He overturned his desk,
knocked his chair out of the way, and went after Bill,
screaming, "I'll kill him! I'll fuck him up !" I called for
back-up and restrained Stan, who had chased Bill out of
the room. When another teacher arrived, Bill came back
into the room to watch Stan, who was being held in a partial
restraint. When Stan calmed down enough to walk, he
was taken to a quiet room in another area of the building
for a LSCI.
The Drain-off Stage:
By the time Stan got to the quiet room, he was thoroughly in
an uproar. He spent several minutes screaming, swearing,
and kicking the walls. His first interaction with me was to
shout obscenities and make threats. I affirmed his feelings
and let him know that I could hear how angry he was about
what happened between Bill and him. His angry threats and
comments continued for about 10 more minutes, gradually
focusing on Bill and the incident that had occurred. I continued
to support his feelings and reassured him that this problem
could be solved. As he quieted down and became more
rational, I asked him what had happened. He responded by
saying, "He's been messing with me all day, and I'm not
gonna put up with his shit!"
The Time Line Stage:
I knew that the triggering event of this conflict was the interaction
between Stan and Bill that I didn't hear, so this became
my starting point.
Teacher: How did Bill "mess" with you this afternoon?
Stan: He's always saying stuff, and you don't hear it!
T: (With concern) Tell me what he said.
S: I wanted the marker; and he said, "Fuck you," and
called me an asshole.
T: When he called you those names, what did you feel?
S: Mad! I'm sick of his mouth all the time.
T: Stan, can you tell me how you expressed your
feelings?
W: I tried to hit him, but he ran away.
We continued to discuss the incident to get an accurate
timeline. Stan was now willing to talk, which is his pattern
after calming down. After we both understood what had
occurred, I decided to focus on Stan's statements that this
was an ongoing problem with Bill. I asked him how often
something like this had happened in the past. He replied
that whenever the teachers were in the back of the room or
occupied with other students, Bill would "mess with him."
When asked to be specific, he revealed that Bill would call
him names and talk about his mother. He would also whisper
Stan's name over and over when Stan was trying to
work, making it difficult for him to concentrate. With further
questioning, Stan reported this behavior happens at
least once a day and has been going on as long as Bill has
been in our classroom.
I continued to affirm Stan's feelings and willingness to understand
the pattern between the two of them. After reviewing
what he told me, we went back to our discussion of the current
incident. I decided to get Stan to pinpoint the triggering event.
T: Stan, can you remember how this problem got started?
S: When Dale threw the marker and Bill took it and got
smart.
T: I agree. Now tell me again what Bill said.
S: He called me names, so I went after him.
T: What happened when you went after Bill?
S: You guys stopped me and made me come here.
T: Tell me what Bill did.
S: (Clenching his fists) He ran away when I chased him.
He's a baby.
T: Do you remember what Bill was doing when we were
holding you?
S: (Beginning to move around and speaking in an angry
tone of voice) He came back in and was laughing at me.
Selection of LSI Interview and Insight Stage:
I thought this crisis was a classic example of Manipulation of
Body Boundaries: Type II ("The Set-up").
The goal of this intervention is to help Stan realize that he
was being set up by Bill and that, while Stan was in trouble,
Bill was back in the room without any penalty.
We reviewed the situation using the conflict cycle to show
that having to wait (STRESS) caused Stan to be frustrated
(FEELING), leading to his slamming things on his desk
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(BEHAVIOR). Stan was able to recognize that by showing
Bill he was upset, he provided a perfect opportunity for Bill
to set him up (RESPONSE).
This triggered another conflict cycle. (STRESS = Bill's teasing;
FEELING = Stan's anger; BEHAVIOR = Stan's attacking
Bill; RESPONSE = Stan had to be restrained by adults).
T: Stan, see if you can figure this out. If Bill says some­
thing upsetting to you, who should get in trouble?
S: He should.
T: I agree. But what really happened and who got in
trouble today?
S: (Lowering his head) I did.
T: So what is the outcome when you react to Bill's "fly
casting behavior?" Who gets caught?
S: I get in trouble, and he doesn't.
T: Will you say this again? I want to make sure I heard
you correctly.
S: I get in trouble, and he doesn't.
T: I have a thought. Do you think it's possible Bill en­
joys getting you to act out and get in trouble?
S: (Sat quietly for a moment) I guess he does!
We talked about the fact that Bill is a good psychologist and
has Stan figured out. For example, Bill makes comments
when the teachers are occupied, and speaks under his breath
so that no one except Stan can hear him. He chooses times
when he knows Stan is frustrated. In this incident, Bill initially
ran away from Stan; but he came back to watch when
enough adults were there to restrain Stan. He stood and
smiled at Stan while the adults were holding him.
At this point, I used an analogy.
T: You and Bill are like a television set with a remote
control. Which one of you has the skill to turn the TV
set on and off?
S: He does. He turns me on, but I can beat him up!
T: I know you are stronger, but look at the outcome.
Bill has the power to turn you on and off whenever he
decides. Then when you react, you get the blame. He
can sit back and watch the show in which you get re­
strained, lose your points, and are in time out.
S: He does that to me all the time! I guess I will have to
find a way of unplugging myself so his remote won't work!
T: I agree! You need to find ways of unplugging your­
self so Bill can't turn you on.
54 .JEB-P
Outcome Goals: New Skills Stage
Once Stan understood the problems, it was time to help him
discover new options. I asked him for ideas about what he
could do instead of threatening or going after Bill. Stan listed
several alternatives and the pros and cons associated with each.
We role-played several situations. First I played Stan, and
then I played Bill. We practiced using Planned Ignoring
Techniques and "I" messages when Bill tried to set up Stan.
Now that Stan was feeling secure about what he learned, I
had to discuss the natural consequences of his aggressive behavior.
In our classroom, the consequence for going after any
peer is one hour away from the group. Stan was willing to accept
this consequence without a problem! I was surprised
and pleased.
Return to Class Stage:
To prepare Stan for the classroom, I asked him what he
thought Bill or the other kids might say or do. We talked
about ways to tell his peers he had worked things out. Then
he said that Bill would probably continue to tease him.
T: I agree, but how can you deal with it?
S: I'll do what we talked about.
T: Great! That could be tough, though. Do you think it
will work?
S: If I don't flip out, then he can't set me up; and you can
catch him instead of me.
T: You've got it! I'm really proud of you for under­
standing this problem and in having a way of solving it.
Stan returned to the classroom. None of the other students
made any comments. Bill did tease him a few times; but with
reminders from me, Stan was able to use the strategies we
had role played. At the end of the day, Stan was proud of his
ability to deal with Bill without giving up his own control.
POSTSCRIPT
Several times since this incident, Stan has said to Bill that he
knows what Bill is trying to do and that he is too smart to be
"set up." I was amazed how quickly Stan was able to use his
new insights and skills.
Instructional Comments:
This LSCI offers us many opportunities for learning how to
carry out a successful Manipulation of Body Boundaries:
Type II Intervention for a youth who was "set up" by a peer.
This is a rewarding strategy for staff to use and for the aggressive
victim to learn. Once the student understands how
he is being manipulated and exploited by his peer, the victim
usually is highly motivated to give up his self-defeating pattern
of aggressive behavior and to learn successful strategies
of intervention and prevention.

Ms. Gonsowski's skillful intervention with Stan made a significant
difference in his ability to understand the nature of
his conflict with Bill and to identify what new skills he
needed to learn to solve this conflict. Let's take this excellent
instructional example and discuss it in a generic way.
THE INTERPERSONAL
DYNAMICS OF A TYPE II CONFLICT
I have found most Type II Peer Instigators to be highly intelligent,
verbally quick, passive-aggressive students who perform
academically well below their ability. They frequently have a
sarcastic demeanor that communicates, "I can do it if I want,
but it's no big deal so I'll do it my way and at my time!" These
students are not physically strong, and they usually are an irritant
to their group and to their teachers. Because passive-aggressive
students have not learned to accept their aggressive
feelings, they are not comfortable talking about their angry
feelings or expressing them in any direct way. As a result, they
have developed a myriad of innovative ways of expressing
their angry feelings in an indirect way. One of these subtle
strategies involves the enjoyable experience of selecting a less
intelligent, aggressive peer, fmding his Achilles heel, and then
watching him "blow up" and get punished. This cunning and
Machiavellian skill is very rewarding for passive-aggressive
students, since it reinforces their sense of power and control.
To make this "set up" work, passive-aggressive students must
make sure two conditions exist. First, they are smart enough to
realize that they cannot protect themselves from the aggressive
peer when he is out of control. Thus a staff member must be
nearby or available to run to during these dangerous times.
After all, when the "Raging Bull" explodes out of the chute, an
adult needs to be in the arena to corral him.
The second skill is to learn how to justify their provocative
behavior if they are confronted by staff. Here are some of
the slippery justifications I have heard from passive-aggressive
instigators when I have confronted them:
"Tyrone said you were talking about his mother." P.A.
Student: "No, I never said that, he is lying! He wants
me to get into trouble." (denial/projection)
"Jason said you threw this metal hook in his direction."
P.A. Student: "I didn't mean to throw it in his direction.
It was an accident. I tried to apologize, but he overreacts!
He always does that. He can't control himself."
Peter (a P.A. student) tells Jack (an aggressive student)
to say "Please" and "Thank you" before he will return a
book Jack wants. Jack goes wild! Peter says, "I just
wanted Jack to be polite-he's got no manners !"
Ken (an aggressive student) was physically restrained by
Joe (staff). Once the two of them returned to the classroom,
Carl (a P.A. student) says, "Ken, do you like
Joe?" Ken becomes verbally abusive and has to be restrained
again. Carl says, "I was only asking a question.
I didn't know he would get so crazy."
Clark (an aggressive student) was being disciplined by
his teacher, and Don (a P.A. student) was smiling and
sending Clark a disguised finger sign. Clark knocks
over three desks trying to get to Don.
The aggressive student is a genuine victim in these incidents
and is identified as the source of the problem. The aggressive
student is so conditioned in getting his way by threatening or
hitting his peers, he has no insight into how a passive-aggressive
student can set him up. This was the situation in the instructional
example between Bill and Stan. Remember, Bill
was several years younger than Stan; but he still controlled
Stan. The first insight for Stan appeared during the Time
Line Stage, when the teacher helped Stan realize the sequence
of events and how smart Bill was in getting Stan to
act mit and get into trouble.
The example Ms. Gonsowski used of Bill as the Remote
Control and Stan as the TV set was very effective. Stan's
comment, "I'll have to unplug myself," verifies that he has
the insight. I have found use of the following age-appropriate
analogies to be very effective in helping the aggressive
student understand how he is a victim and not a victimizer in
this conflict.
I suggest having your students write these analogies on signs
and tape them to the classroom walls. Now you and your
students can point to them whenever any peer "set up" is
about to happen.
1. A picture of a light switch and light bulbs -"Who is
turning you on and off?"
2. A picture of a match near a fire cracker-"Who is lighting
your fuse?"
3. A picture of a puppeteer and a marionette-"Who is
pulling your strings?"
4. A picture of a student holding a hoop in his hand-"Who
is making you jump?"
5. A picture of a student fishing-"Don't bite on his bait."
Most classrooms have at least one student who has the subtle
skills to set up another student, who in tum can disrupt
the entire class. Once this "dynamic" is made public, the
class is aware of it, the aggressive student is aware of it, and
the passive-aggressive student is aware that his "set up" is
no longer invisible. As a result, peer exploitation is less likely
to happen in the classroom. Also, this is an LSCI that really
works. It not only gives you a successful way of
confronting the Type II Instigator, but it also creates a positive
bond between you and the aggressive student.
Nicholas 1. Long is Director of the Institute for Psychoeducational
Training, Hagerstown, Maryland, which provides
certification programs in Life Space Crisis Intervention.
The LSCI model integrates principles from developmental
psychology, cognitive and psychodynamic theory, and social
skills training to provide a multi-modal psychoeducational
strategy for students in crisis. Rebecca Gonsowski is a graduate
of the LSCI certification program.
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