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Amphetazine 19.qxp - Project Neon

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E<br />

inthisissue:<br />

May 2000<br />

Ruby Slippers ❋ Healthful Helpings of Vein Love<br />

Leather, Love and the Modern Male ❋ Hepatitis Hurts!<br />

Dr. Dick ❋ Porn Review ❋ Poetry ❋ Q&A Tips ❋ More!


!READ THIS FIRST!<br />

Before you start leafing through AmphetaZINE be warned<br />

that our contributors are all very different. You might read<br />

something you don't like. If you are trying to quit using<br />

crystal right now and are worried about being triggered into<br />

using again, you might want to look at our resource list and<br />

nothing else. It's on the back cover.<br />

The views expressed in this<br />

publication are not necessarily<br />

those of AmphetaZINE.<br />

AmphetaZINE welcomes<br />

contributions which express<br />

opinions and bring up the issues<br />

being talked about by users or of<br />

concern to user communities.<br />

We try not to censor or change<br />

the meaning or context of material<br />

given to us. We do offer editing<br />

services so that nearly anyone who<br />

wishes to do so can work with us<br />

to get into print. We also reserve<br />

the right to refuse to print any<br />

material that is sent to us.<br />

Please pass this zine on to other<br />

methamphetamine users. Because<br />

this zine is for a very specific group<br />

of people (gay and bisexual men<br />

and friends who shoot crystal<br />

meth) please pass it on only to<br />

persons in this group.<br />

New issues of AmphetaZINE<br />

should appear about 4 times<br />

a year (subject to change).<br />

To come out that often we need<br />

a lot of ideas, stories, articles,<br />

cartoons, doodles ("SKETCH!"),<br />

photos, and letters from you!<br />

Feel free to tell us what you like<br />

and what you don't like about this<br />

zine. Your feedback helps us make<br />

better issues in the future. You'll<br />

find our address and phone<br />

number on page 4.<br />

AmphetaZINE is free. You can get a<br />

copy from any of NEON’s fabulous<br />

Peer Educators or from other Capitol<br />

Hill locations. Look for it at the<br />

Capitol Hill Needle Exchange,<br />

Off Broadway Needle Exchange,<br />

Gay City Health <strong>Project</strong>, Club Seattle,<br />

Basic Plumbing, and Beyond the<br />

Closet Bookstore. If you can’t find<br />

a copy, call us and we’ll tell you<br />

where to get one or throw one in<br />

the mail for you.<br />

Finally, welcome! The staff at<br />

AmphetaZINE are excited you're<br />

reading it and look forward to<br />

hearing from you!<br />

AmphetaZINE is a publication of Stonewall Recovery Services


CONTENTS<br />

★★★★★ ★★★★★★★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★ 4 Submission Requests 5 A Dedication to Mr. Fred Luna<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

A small tribute to a very special person. ★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

6<br />

9<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

Some fancy new feet to fill the ruby slippers. ★<br />

★<br />

“Down, Toto, Down.”<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

12 Leather, Love and<br />

the Modern Male<br />

18<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★ 16<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

20<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

24 What’s love<br />

got to do with it?<br />

30<br />

NEW!<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

31<br />

32 RESOURCES<br />

Who ‘Ya Gonna Call? Check the back cover.<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★<br />

Your chance to contribute and<br />

see your stuff in print!<br />

“Thanks, Doctor. I thought I<br />

was some sort of freak!”<br />

“Don’t! Stop! Don’t! Stop! Don’t! Stop!”<br />

Music is not the only thing with a throbbing beat!<br />

Contrary to popular opinion, Hepatitis is NOT fun and cool.<br />

See where Ed Aaron finds real love in<br />

this crazy merry-go-round we call life.<br />

Replace those dirty used needles with<br />

something shiny and new!<br />

How do you keep your veins fat and healthy?<br />

Sylvia gives some pointers.<br />

We’ll watch ’em — then report ’em.<br />

It’s our job.


4<br />

We want you to submit your work!<br />

You (yes, you!) have something to contribute to AmphetaZINE right now, whether it's a<br />

story, drawing, photo, survey, doodle, idea, complaint, concern, question, or conspiracy<br />

theory... Getting it printed in AmphetaZINE means sharing your work with hundreds of<br />

others in our community — you get the admiration of your friends, and the rest of us<br />

get to learn from your experiences.<br />

How to<br />

“Get it in.”<br />

★ MAIL IT IN:<br />

AmphetaZINE<br />

1122 East Pike #109<br />

Seattle, WA 98122-3934<br />

★ DROP IT OFF:<br />

At the Capitol Hill<br />

Needle Exchange.<br />

It’s open every Monday and<br />

Friday, 5:30-8:00PM.<br />

★ CALL IT IN:<br />

Call in your ideas, questions,<br />

comments and complaints to<br />

James at 622-6925<br />

BOY, WOULD<br />

I LOVE TO<br />

“GET IT IN”<br />

Here are some things to remember before you submit:<br />

★ You can submit work to AmphetaZINE with your own name, a fake name, or no name at all.<br />

If you don't tell us what name you want to use, we will print your first name and last initial.<br />

★ This zine is a booklet made of legal-sized (8 1 / 2" X 14") paper folded in half, and black and<br />

white. If you submit something in color or larger than this, the copy might not look as swell<br />

as your original.<br />

★ If you send writing, anything that we can read is fine. Even if it's written on a greasy<br />

Dick's Deluxe bag — if we can read it, we'll take it.<br />

/////////////////// THINGS WE ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT PRINT \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\<br />

We won't print the real names of people other than the author (and only the author's name<br />

if he/she specifically requests it). We won't print articles that are misleading or harmful.<br />

We won't print writing or art that we feel promotes unprotected anal sex, needle sharing,<br />

kiddie porn, or the heterosexual agenda. Other than that, it's pretty much fair game.


NEON is deeply saddened to announce that Seattle’s beloved Fred Luna<br />

passed away on December 17, 1999 from complications due to AIDS.<br />

Fred was a caring and generous man. He spent a great deal of time speaking with youth and gay men about<br />

reducing their HIV and STD risks. Fred will be missed by everyone who knew him, but<br />

especially by a fellow NEON Peer Educator, his good friend, Brian Rylander.<br />

A Dedication to Mr. Fred Luna<br />

Mr. Fred Luna was a well-known individual in the gay community as well as a good friend to many<br />

people in Seattle. I met him in 1993 at the Sea Wolf, a local gay bar, while performing at a birthday<br />

party. At first introduction, I knew we would become close fiends. Soon after, we found we had many<br />

things in common. We were both entertainers, and we collaborated on several shows doing choreography,<br />

costume design, and cosmetology. He once said that we were soul mates. I was inclined to agree.<br />

Over the years our friendship grew into a deep camaraderie. We shared everything together, including<br />

the dirt on men, drag, and the latest gossip. He possessed a deep spiritual side, and we talked about our<br />

beliefs, accepting the similarities as well as the differences therein. It seemed that he could connect with<br />

anyone, no matter what walk of life or culture they were from.<br />

Fred was a long-term survivor of AIDS and if it weren’t for his support, I would not have had the<br />

strength to get by today. He was always there for me and many other people when they were down<br />

and out. For this, I will never forget him. His involvement in the community<br />

was extensive, including the Gay Pride Parade.<br />

Cal Anderson House, where he lived, was<br />

represented in the parade three years<br />

consecutively. He even gained notoriety<br />

from a front-page article and photo in the<br />

Seattle Post Intelligencer.<br />

Taking great pride in our performances,<br />

we also formed a dance troop called Singkil -<br />

Vogue. Our cultural and theatrical dance ensemble<br />

performed as part of the Filipino community<br />

activities at Bumpershoot, Neighbors, and many<br />

other locations in Seattle.<br />

Fred was about celebrating life! Whether in drag<br />

or just hanging out with friends. His energetic and<br />

cheerful soul will be missed by many, especially me.<br />

I’ll always love you, and may God rest and keep you.<br />

Your friend forever.<br />

Brian.<br />

5


6<br />

A forum for your sexual health queries.<br />

Dear Dr. Dick:<br />

I think there’s something wrong with my sex drive. I like<br />

sex and don’t have any trouble getting hard, but I just<br />

don’t get horny when I get high. As soon as my friends<br />

shoot up, they pop instant hard-ons. They spend days<br />

partying at the bath house or on chat lines. But I<br />

don’t have any desire to have sex when I’m<br />

tweaked. Most of the time I’d rather stay<br />

home and do projects or work on my<br />

writing. Could it be a psychological<br />

problem? What’s wrong with me?<br />

—Abnormally Abstinent


Dear Abnormally Abstinent,<br />

Thanks for asking one of the most common and<br />

perplexing questions for men everywhere —<br />

Am I sexually normal?<br />

Every man wants to think he’s got<br />

it all together in the sex department.<br />

But in private, most guys are quite<br />

anxious. Issues like arousal, performance, and<br />

body image can be big worries. Then when crystal’s<br />

involved, our ideas about what is “normal” sex get<br />

tossed right out the window. Before we look at this<br />

issue of sexual desire and speed together, let’s talk<br />

about male sex drive in general.<br />

First of all, there is no “normal” male sex drive.<br />

We as men, and gay men at that, feel a lot of<br />

pressure to be “hot, hard and ready” all the time.<br />

Advertising, porn videos and magazines tell us<br />

we’re supposed to be obsessed with sex. Maintaining<br />

erections. Giving good head. Fucking all the time.<br />

“That’s just what gay men do.” These expectations<br />

are cultural stereotypes. But they’re really not true<br />

for a lot of gay men. Some guys want a lot of sex.<br />

Some guys don’t. Neither side is right or wrong.<br />

It’s really an individual preference.<br />

According to most sex experts (and I’m NOT talking<br />

about Dr. Laura), you should judge your sexual<br />

interest and activity by what feels healthy or<br />

“comfortable” for you. If your sex life feels<br />

good to you AND it’s not causing harm to<br />

yourself, your partner or your life in<br />

general, then whatever you’re<br />

doing is OK. Lots of sex is fine.<br />

But so is a little sex or none at all.<br />

Your need or desire for sex may increase and<br />

decrease on a natural cycle. One month you<br />

could care less about sex. The next month you<br />

may be hornier than a goat! This is normal. And<br />

it’s true for gay men, straight men, and women<br />

as well. Also, there are many outside factors that<br />

can affect your sex drive. Illness, medications<br />

(especially some HIV meds and antidepressants),<br />

One month<br />

you could care<br />

less about sex.<br />

The next month<br />

you may be<br />

hornier than<br />

a goat!<br />

stress, emotions and<br />

environment can all<br />

dampen your libido.<br />

Aging brings about<br />

changes as well.<br />

Your testosterone<br />

levels naturally<br />

decrease as<br />

you get older.<br />

If you think you might have a physical problem,<br />

talk to your doctor. Together you can talk about<br />

your symptoms and their causes. You may also<br />

want to check your testosterone levels, especially<br />

if you have HIV. The tests are simple and can be<br />

very helpful.<br />

Now let’s talk about speed. Contrary to what<br />

many people think, there are no secret chemicals<br />

in crystal that make it a “sex drug.” Rather, crystal<br />

is a powerful stimulant that floods your brain<br />

with chemicals. These chemicals may make you<br />

focus intently and exaggerate your feelings of<br />

pleasure. They may also increase your sense of<br />

stamina. This change in brain chemistry may<br />

(next page) 7


enhance your dancing, artistic creativity, sex, or<br />

any other activity you enjoy. But, depending on<br />

dose and time, crystal may interfere with these and<br />

other desired functions. While crystal can intensify<br />

sex, it does not automatically trigger sexual desire.<br />

Most of the sexual desire men experience on speed<br />

is learned or “expected” behavior. Here’s how it<br />

works. At first,<br />

you don’t know<br />

what sex on<br />

crystal is like.<br />

Then during<br />

your next high<br />

someone<br />

engages you<br />

in a sexual<br />

situation and<br />

you quickly<br />

find out! At<br />

this point your<br />

brain makes a<br />

connection between getting high and having sex.<br />

This response is “learned behavior.” Now your<br />

8<br />

If you get high in<br />

a bath house,<br />

chances are you<br />

will be aroused!<br />

If you are high at<br />

the QFC, you<br />

might just get<br />

caught up in reading<br />

the food labels for<br />

several hours.<br />

Q: I won’t get STDs because I don’t<br />

sleep with guys that have them.<br />

brain expects that when you get high, you want<br />

to have sex. This is expectation. A lot of guys have<br />

such intense expectation with crystal and sex that<br />

the events get reversed. Just thinking about sex<br />

makes some men want to get high.<br />

Of course, your brain can make connections<br />

between crystal and unpleasant sex as well.<br />

For some, crystal sex is empty and isolating.<br />

Some men talk about feelings of shame about<br />

what they did or who they did while high.<br />

They might feel guilty about not using condoms<br />

or not disclosing their HIV status. For others,<br />

the connection between crystal and sex may not<br />

exist. Some men use their high to focus on other<br />

activities like writing, drawing, painting, or even<br />

cleaning their house.<br />

Crystal can be a sexual drug if a man wants it<br />

to be. But the sexual effects of crystal are not<br />

the same for everybody. Sexual response will<br />

depend on how much, how often and how long<br />

a person has used. Your environment has a lot<br />

to do with it as well. If you get high in a bath<br />

house, chances are you will be aroused! If you<br />

are high at the QFC, you may just get<br />

caught up in reading the food labels<br />

for several hours.<br />

It’s your high and you can have sex<br />

if you want to. There’s nothing wrong<br />

with you if you don’t have a screaming<br />

urge to head to the bath house. But<br />

if you do get horny, remember<br />

that crystal may also lessen<br />

your resolve to fuck safely.<br />

So plan for safety before you get<br />

high. Have those condoms<br />

and lube ready before<br />

you enjoy!<br />

Dr. Dick<br />

A: Many STDs, like HIV, chlamydia, herpes and hepatitis don’t<br />

always show visible signs of infection for long periods of time.


Year 2000 has finally<br />

arrived in Seattle without<br />

much of the hoopla<br />

that everyone feared.<br />

Okay, so it wasn’t as<br />

exciting as we had<br />

hoped for. Well, wait<br />

’til you see what NEON<br />

has in store for you.<br />

9


The new year has brought some exciting<br />

changes and growth to NEON. “WHAT<br />

CHANGES?” — you ask? Not to worry.<br />

As always, Susan Kingston, James Fisher,<br />

and Jason Naki, the Un-Usual Suspects,<br />

will be on hand to keep NEON running<br />

smoothly.<br />

But Susan’s role in NEON is changing.<br />

She’ll keep seeing her “regular” clients,<br />

so don’t panic! But her position has<br />

changed a bit. Now, in addition to her title<br />

as AmphetaQueen, she’s taken the lofty<br />

title of Prevention Director at Stonewall<br />

Recovery Services. What does this<br />

mean? Well, it means that Stonewall,<br />

like NEON, is committed<br />

to developing prevention<br />

programming that is<br />

more responsive to the<br />

diverse needs of drug<br />

users. “Twelve step<br />

abstinence programs<br />

aren’t the only answer.”<br />

As many of you know,<br />

Susan feels strongly<br />

about offering “harm<br />

reduction options” for those who just ain’t<br />

ready or don’t want to quit using drugs.<br />

Susan will still spend a great deal of her<br />

time with NEON but she will be a little<br />

more behind the scenes. She’ll be sort<br />

of like the Wizard from the Wizard of Oz.<br />

Like the Wiz, she’ll be “behind the<br />

curtain” helping keep the program<br />

running smoothly and helping NEON<br />

grow in new directions.<br />

Susan wants to let everyone know that<br />

she’s not leaving NEON. Nor is she<br />

abandoning any of her loyal subjects.<br />

Her door’s still open for walk-ins, and<br />

one-on-one chats with clients.<br />

10<br />

Well, Toto,<br />

there’s a new<br />

sheriff in Oz,<br />

and he looks<br />

pretty cute in<br />

those Ruby<br />

Slippers!<br />

Okay. So, back to the Wizard of Oz. You<br />

might ask, “Who’s gonna wear Susan’s<br />

beautiful Ruby Slippers?” Well, Toto,<br />

there’s a new sheriff in Oz, and he looks<br />

pretty cute in those Ruby Slippers! His<br />

name is D.L. Scott and you can tell by the<br />

way he walks that this ain’t the first time<br />

he’s worn a pair of heels!<br />

Scott will be taking over Susan’s Support<br />

and Recovery Groups and he’ll see most<br />

of the new one-on-one clients. He’ll also<br />

work with James and NEON’s fantastic<br />

staff of Peer Educators to make sure that<br />

we are spreading NEON’s good word about<br />

safer sex & safer shooting to gay and bi<br />

guys who party with Crissy.<br />

So, who is the man wearing<br />

Susan’s Ruby Slippers? Well,<br />

believe you and me, he’s<br />

someone you’ll want to get<br />

to know. What poise — what<br />

grace! And hand picked by<br />

her Royal Highness, Susan.<br />

“When the AmphetaQueen<br />

asked me to join the NEON<br />

team, I jumped at that chance,”<br />

says DL Scott. “A program like NEON<br />

offers me the chance to bring my skills<br />

and passion for harm reduction principles<br />

to a community that I deeply care about.”<br />

“NEON fits with my view of drug treatment.<br />

People do not get strung out on a drug<br />

over night. And they usually don’t quit<br />

over night, either. Being a Crystal Meth<br />

Counselor allows me the chance to offer<br />

choices and options to gay and bisexual<br />

men who use meth. My goal is to help<br />

a client to explore ways of getting from<br />

where they are to where they want to<br />

go. And I try help them do this on their<br />

own time line.”<br />

Q: Aren’t I safe from HIV as long as I only give or get blow jobs?


You are getting very sleepy... Scott, or<br />

DL as he is sometimes called, has a<br />

very interesting background. He has<br />

most recently worked at Central Seattle<br />

Recovery Center, where he was an<br />

outreach counselor. Scott has also<br />

spent the last ten years working as<br />

a hypnotherapist. He’s a pro with<br />

issues like anxiety, pain management,<br />

and quitting smoking.<br />

When he is not working, DL enjoys<br />

the company and love of his partner<br />

of sixteen years, Hans. “Yes, there are<br />

a few of us ‘long-termers’ out there,”<br />

says DL. “We just tend to become home<br />

bodies and retire to the suburbs.” DL<br />

and Hans have enjoyed working on their<br />

house for the last eleven years, creating<br />

a peaceful and nurturing environment for<br />

each other. They also have a very spoiled<br />

child, a beautiful and furry Norwegian<br />

Forrest cat named Shadow.<br />

Scott has spent most of his life studying<br />

Eastern and Western mystical and spiritual<br />

teachings. He meditates every day. He<br />

likes to tell clients and friends how the<br />

power of the mind can change or even<br />

save your life. For example, the first time<br />

that he ever went jogging, a car that was<br />

travelling forty miles an hour hit him! He<br />

was able to relax and let his body go limp.<br />

According to the docs and police, it was<br />

his ability to relax that helped him to<br />

survive. And with only one broken shoulder!<br />

DL looks forward to working with<br />

<strong>Neon</strong> and with gay meth injectors.<br />

Call him or just stop by for a chat.<br />

He’s at Stonewall Monday thru<br />

Thursday between 8am and 7:30pm.<br />

Call (206) 461-4546 and ask for DL.<br />

(See ad on page 19 for cute ass AND information)<br />

You can reach any of the Silly Munchkins by calling the<br />

Main NEON switchboard at 622-6925 and press:<br />

1 for DL<br />

2 for James<br />

3 for Susan<br />

4 for Jason<br />

A: Gum disease, precum, STDs, and sores on your penis or in your mouth or throat<br />

can greatly increase your risk of an HIV infection (even if you’re a Munchkin).<br />

11


12<br />

Most<br />

Q: Can’t I just take care of my<br />

STDs when I get them?<br />

people agree


that there are three essential elements to<br />

any successful relationship --open<br />

communication, honesty, and trust.<br />

Establishing and maintaining this trio can<br />

take a great deal of time and effort. Now<br />

try adding Bondage, Discipline, and Fantasy<br />

Fulfillment into the equation! It looks like a<br />

recipe for disaster, right? When my current<br />

partner and I met, it was important<br />

to both of us that we begin to<br />

build mutual respect and trust<br />

from the outset. You see, the two<br />

of us enjoyed the occasional trip<br />

to the baths. We were both into<br />

leather sadomasochistic (SM)<br />

sex. And we both managed our<br />

use of crystal meth.<br />

The trust and communication<br />

required between two people to<br />

engage in SM sex, (i.e. Bondage,<br />

Discipline, and Fantasy Fulfillment) is enormous.<br />

Factor in drugs and the baths and you can see<br />

the task we had before us! In essence, we<br />

wanted to have our relationship and eat out too!<br />

Just for the record — I do not advocate, for any<br />

one but myself, injection drug use or drug use<br />

of any kind, for that matter. For me it has<br />

become an acceptable pattern of behavior...<br />

for now. If I know me, when I get bored with it,<br />

I’ll move on to something new and different —<br />

maybe something else, like skydiving or<br />

macramé?<br />

Another thing. Many SM Puritans say that you<br />

cannot play BDSM games while under the<br />

influence of drugs or alcohol... that SM play<br />

might become dangerous if both individuals<br />

don’t have all their senses and the scene gets<br />

out of control. I understand their concern.<br />

Mixing SM Sex with “mood-altering” substances<br />

requires careful planning and established<br />

rules. For me, SM Sex and Crystal allow<br />

me to express some of my deeply repressed<br />

emotions. They also help me cope with some<br />

A: Some STDs, like HIV and Herpes,<br />

are with you for a lifetime.<br />

early life issues in a non-destructive way.<br />

The same thing can be said for my partner.<br />

In order to foster and encourage the bond growing<br />

between us, we made a deal. It happened<br />

one night at the baths, after a mistake in<br />

communication led to an ugly<br />

we came up<br />

with a set<br />

of rules that<br />

we agreed to<br />

follow whenever<br />

we were high<br />

scene between us. Afterwards,<br />

like two good tweaks, we analyzed<br />

the evening from all angles.<br />

We allowed each other the<br />

freedom to express what<br />

happened as we saw it. We<br />

each told our point of view.<br />

And we both listened to the<br />

other’s point of view.<br />

Each of us made some<br />

compromises. Then, we came up with a set<br />

of rules that we agreed to follow whenever we<br />

were high. Playing by these rules, we felt, would<br />

show honor and respect for each other. And<br />

being the great Capricorn/Taurus combo we are,<br />

we acknowledged the need to give our rules the<br />

official weight they required. We wrote them<br />

down and signed our names.<br />

It took some time, but from those first simple<br />

rules, we developed our Play Contract. It is<br />

loosely based on the “scene negotiation form”<br />

we found in the Basic<br />

Basics chapter of the<br />

book SM 101, A Realistic<br />

Introduction, by Jay<br />

Wiseman. The content of<br />

our contract is fairly selfexplanatory.<br />

We use the<br />

scene negotiation form<br />

for each SM scene. We<br />

also have an Idea Box,<br />

where we put outlined<br />

ideas for a scene or roleplay<br />

that we’d like to do.<br />

(sample contract on next page)<br />

13


14<br />

This is our SM Play Contract.<br />

It is in effect when we use drugs of any kind and have any form of SM Sex.<br />

It has been agreed that we may use crystal two weekends per month —<br />

provided that all bills are current and household needs have been met.<br />

Money shall be set aside by each of us on our respective paydays. Each of us<br />

may donate as much money as we want. The amount of party favors bought for<br />

a weekend is limited to the available money from the fund. The SM Play Period<br />

begins on Saturday, after each of us has gotten off work. The SM Play Period<br />

ends Sunday night at 6 p.m.<br />

Party Favors are to be picked on the Friday before from a mutually agreed upon<br />

supplier. Both of us should be present for this transaction. If either cannot be<br />

there, the drugs are to be sealed in a locked box until both are present for the<br />

weigh in. No drugs should be purchased once scheduled play has begun. No<br />

drugs are to be used after 6 p.m. Sunday.<br />

In addition, Friday night, each will draw a card from a deck. High card will be the<br />

Dominant/Top for the weekend. If the same person draws high card three times<br />

in a row, for the next scheduled play period — he will be the Submissive/Bottom.<br />

Current scene negotiation forms will be reviewed, an area of interest may be<br />

discussed, and a SM scene developed. A scene outline can also be chosen<br />

from the Idea Box.<br />

SM play, when occurring at home, will be limited to home. No unnecessary<br />

travel will be permitted. This lowers the exposure to unpredictable elements.<br />

During Scheduled Play, when a hit is desired by either person, one person will<br />

mix, the other chooses the point he wants. We agree to always use new sterile<br />

syringes and safe injecting practices for each hit. This includes prompt and safe<br />

disposal of all used works.<br />

When at the baths, no purchasing, sales, or individual use of product may occur.<br />

We will follow our “Sex Rules” when three or more parties are present. No fucking<br />

while the other is gone. No coming without the other present. When three<br />

are present, everyone gets equal time. We know it can’t be constant attention,<br />

but no “third wheel” feelings should occur. Each of us may call a stop to a group<br />

scene, or delete an undesirable player by using the prearranged “safe word.”<br />

Play ends on or before 6 p.m. Sunday. After the end of play, clean up of ourselves,<br />

our home, and sex toys will be done by 7:30 p.m. Discussion and analysis of the<br />

scene will occur during clean up. Afterwards, a meal will be served and sleep will<br />

be required before the start of work on Monday.


Any violation of these rules is a breech of trust. Allowing each other to openly<br />

violate the rules and conditions without protest is a failure of that trust. We<br />

promise ourselves to be firm with each other, just as we would want the other to<br />

be with us. We each agree to be honest and open about all these things. Hiding<br />

and half-truths breed resentment and decay. Either person is free to express any<br />

mixed feelings or suspicions he may have. These are personal feelings and must<br />

be treated with the same respect we would want for our own. Proof of a violation<br />

will result in automatic disciplinary action.<br />

* First offense — one weekend of scheduled play will be canceled.<br />

* Second offense — three weekends of scheduled play will be canceled.<br />

* Third offense — scheduled play and crystal use are discontinued until the<br />

conflict has been resolved.<br />

This contract is valid for 90 days from the date signed. The contract may be<br />

revised, in whole or in part, at the request of either party.<br />

I, ___________________________________________________<br />

and<br />

I, ___________________________________________________<br />

do hereby agree to these rules.<br />

Signed this day, _________________________________<br />

We each sign and date a hard copy. We keep the signed copies in a file in our bedroom. As<br />

it says in the contract, we review and make changes every ninety days or so — or when a<br />

special or unforeseen circumstance arises.<br />

Every couple will have a different set of rules that will apply, but the basics are there. The rules<br />

we have set down are guidelines. I will be the first to admit that we haven’t maintained a perfect<br />

record in regard to the rules of the contract. However, we do our best.<br />

My partner and I feel the outline of the contract is a solid one. It has helped clarify many of the<br />

gray areas that existed in the beginning stages of our relationship. The contract defined some<br />

personal boundaries that may have otherwise gone unrecognized. Primarily, it has helped us to<br />

establish the open and honest lines of communication both of us want. Finally, it has helped us<br />

to build mutual trust between us, which has grown stronger over the eighteen months we have<br />

been together.<br />

15


The dance floor is alive<br />

a sheet of throbbing sex drive<br />

16


18<br />

Water! You should plan to drink at least 8<br />

to 10 glasses of water every day! This is extremely<br />

important in keeping fat and healthy veins. Drink<br />

beverages without caffeine or alcohol. Beverages<br />

like coffee and soft drinks often contain caffeine.<br />

Caffeine and alcohol counteract the good effects<br />

of water. They make your body dehydrated. Try<br />

drinking water, Kool-Aid, juices, and Gatorade.<br />

Remember. Seattle’s damp weather can make you<br />

lose your desire to drink water. You need to drink<br />

water even when you aren’t thirsty. Act like every<br />

day is a hot summer day!<br />

Dry, itchy skin! Our weather can also aggravate<br />

dry, flaky, cracky skin problems. Drinking water will<br />

give your skin the moisture it needs. Your diet can<br />

affect your skin. Eat foods that have “Omega 3”<br />

fatty acids. Foods like eggs, tuna fish, sardines<br />

and whole grain bread and cereals are naturally<br />

rich in these fatty acids. You can also buy Omega 3<br />

supplements from the vitamin section of supermarkets<br />

and drug stores. Omega 3 fatty acids can give your<br />

skin that “High Pro Glow.”<br />

Moisturize! You can use a moisturizing<br />

lotion or cream on dry skin. Make sure that you<br />

wash your skin first! You don’t want to trap dirt,<br />

with Sylvia, our Verifiable Vein Lady<br />

Here are some of Sylvia’s<br />

most common tips for keeping your veins healthy!<br />

nasty germs, and bacteria next to your skin with<br />

a greasy lotion. Putting lotion on dirty skin can be<br />

like pouring gasoline on a fire! It may trap germs<br />

and bacteria next to your skin and actually increase<br />

your skin’s irritation!<br />

Eat Fruit! Take every chance to eat a piece<br />

of fruit. Especially bananas! Fruit contains lots of<br />

vitamins that will help your body heal itself.<br />

Eat Something! Your body needs food<br />

to keep it going. Food also helps your body heal.<br />

It may be hard to think about drinking water<br />

and eating food, especially when you’re high.<br />

But drinking water and eating food are two of<br />

the most important things you can do to keep<br />

your veins fat and healthy.<br />

Speaking of drinking and eating, come and see<br />

Sylvia. She always has plenty of juice, treats,<br />

and healthful heapings of Vein Love for all!<br />

Sylvia is taking the month of May off. But stop by the<br />

Downtown or Capitol Hill Needle Exchange to find out<br />

when the next Veincare workshops are. You can also<br />

find out by calling us at 622-6925


Do you ever salivate when you<br />

look at beautiful healthy veins?<br />

Our vein care specialist,<br />

Sylvia the “Vein Lady” does.<br />

Don’t get the wrong idea. Sylvia isn’t a vampire.<br />

She doesn’t roam the streets of Seattle looking<br />

for victims.<br />

Sylvia started working with veins in 1989 at<br />

Harborview Medical Center. She spent 71 /2 years<br />

drawing blood from patients. These patients<br />

often had severe burns, injuries, or trauma that<br />

made it difficult to locate veins. Sylvia’s job was<br />

to locate unusual places and techniques to get<br />

a blood draw. She once had to draw blood from<br />

a patient’s big toe!<br />

Now, Sylvia spends some of her time working<br />

at the Off-Broadway (Stonewall) and Downtown<br />

Needle Exchange sites. Sylvia works one-on-one<br />

and with small groups of injectors. Her goal is<br />

to help folks who shoot drugs stay healthy. She<br />

can tell you a lot about veins, how to keep them<br />

healthy, and which ones to stay away from.<br />

She also discusses options for treatment,<br />

self-care, warning signs, and complications<br />

related to abscesses and misses. Sylvia does<br />

not provide medical care or treatment. But she<br />

does provide common sense first aid care. She<br />

can’t lance your abscess. But she will give you<br />

plenty of good advice, provide referrals for<br />

medical care, offer comfort, and give you<br />

plenty of gauze. She will also give you ideas<br />

about how to avoid abscesses in the future.<br />

Need help with some<br />

of life’s problems,<br />

but don’t want to<br />

get hassled<br />

about your<br />

drug use?<br />

Want to cut down or quit without<br />

the usual 12-step propaganda?<br />

Just call Scott or Susan, NEON’s fabulous, speed-savvy<br />

counselors! No sword-point conversions to AA or<br />

treatment — just friendly, non-judgmental help with:<br />

★ housing/financial assistance ★ HIV/health concerns<br />

★ managing your use ★ quitting crystal<br />

★ emotional support ★ general life problems<br />

SCOTT SUSAN<br />

Call 461-4546 for an appointment or just<br />

drop by 430 Broadway Ave. E.<br />

at Stonewall Recovery Services<br />

You don’t have to quit or even<br />

want to quit to get help!<br />

Real counseling for real users. No problem too large or small!<br />

Find out info about current support groups, too!<br />

19


Have you seen the new poster campaign with those<br />

hot guys showing off their ‘A+B’ tattoos on their<br />

bulging biceps?<br />

Surely, you have. They are the<br />

only ads on Metro buses that<br />

are obviously for gay and bi men. And manoh-man<br />

are these ads hot! Guys touching,<br />

holding hands, and looking dreamily<br />

at…YOU! The message these studs deliver<br />

is short and sweet. “Hepatitis Hurts.<br />

Get the Shots.” Getting vaccinated for<br />

both Hepatitis A & B is as important as<br />

remembering to bring condoms & lube to<br />

the baths on a Saturday night!<br />

Naturally, the stud muffins on the posters sparked<br />

my interest. But what I found most interesting<br />

is how many gay and bisexual men get Hepatitis.<br />

Safe vaccines that keep you from getting<br />

Hep A & B have been around for years.<br />

But despite this fact, most gay and bisexual<br />

guys still haven’t gotten their shots.<br />

Are Hepatitis A and B common among gay<br />

and bisexual men? They sure are. In 1997-98,<br />

2 out of every 5 cases of Hepatitis A in King County<br />

were among gay or bi men. And estimates show<br />

that gay and bisexual men are 7 times more likely<br />

to get Hep B than the general population. Most<br />

people don’t realize they have Hep A or B at first<br />

because it can take 2 to 4 weeks for symptoms to<br />

show up. If symptoms even show up! In fact, many people get Hepatitis A and B without developing<br />

symptoms. This and the fact that it is so easy to pass the viruses on are the biggest reasons why<br />

so many people get infected.<br />

What about the vaccines? They’ve been proven to work. So, why haven’t more gay and bi men<br />

rolled up their sleeves to get the shots? I decided to call the boys on the poster — the Hep Squad<br />

Hotties — to get the poop behind their vaccine campaign. I talked with Drew Emery, Seattle’s very<br />

own “Hexpert” (Hepatitis Expert). He’s the man behind this ad campaign.<br />

20


Drew said the campaign’s<br />

goals are simple:<br />

★ To raise awareness of<br />

Hepatitis A & B infection<br />

among gay and bisexual men<br />

★ To encourage men to get<br />

the vaccines<br />

★ To let gay and bi guys know<br />

where to get the vaccines<br />

★ To provide free Hepatitis<br />

vaccine to guys who can’t<br />

afford to pay.<br />

Drew told me about basic Hepatitis stuff.<br />

Hepatitis A and B are viruses. They cause<br />

the liver to swell and become inflamed. An<br />

inflamed liver makes it difficult for it to work<br />

like it should. You see, the liver’s job is to<br />

filter toxins out of the blood stream. Toxins<br />

include alcohol, drugs like crystal, LSD, pot,<br />

and prescription and “over the counter”<br />

medications. If you have a Hepatitis infection,<br />

your liver can’t do its job right. Toxins quickly<br />

build up in your blood stream. If enough<br />

toxins build-up, you will get very sick.<br />

Getting sick with Hepatitis A sucks! The sickness<br />

can keep you in bed for several weeks.<br />

You can even end up in the hospital.<br />

Eventually, the sickness will pass — but<br />

there will be those weeks you’re lying curled<br />

up wishing you’d gotten vaccinated instead.<br />

The symptoms of Hepatitis B are similar.<br />

But unlike Hepatitis A, an unlucky 5-10% of<br />

people that are infected will never get rid of<br />

the virus. Instead, they develop a life-long<br />

infection. Over a period of years, their Hep B<br />

infection can permanently damage their liver.<br />

Liver damage occurs when scar tissue builds<br />

up. This is called cirrhosis. Scarring can<br />

cause your liver to stop working altogether.<br />

It can also lead to liver cancer. And we all<br />

know that you can’t live without a liver.<br />

So, how do you get Hepatitis? First, let’s<br />

talk about Hepatitis A. And to do that, let’s talk shit!<br />

Hepatitis A virus is found in the shit (feces)<br />

of someone who has a Hep A infection.<br />

There are two common ways to get Hep A:<br />

1 You eat food that has been prepared by someone<br />

who has Hepatitis A and hasn’t carefully cleaned<br />

his/her hands after using the bathroom.<br />

2 You have sexual contact with someone who<br />

has it and you put “something” contaminated<br />

into your mouth.<br />

Bath House Betty says,<br />

“When dining out at sex clubs or the baths, it is<br />

proper etiquette to wash your hands, dick, and butt<br />

with soap and hot water after each boy and/or<br />

sexual escapade — a little mouth wash can also<br />

help kill germs and keep your breath minty fresh.”<br />

Okay — enough of the shit talk! How<br />

do you get Hepatitis B? Most people get<br />

Hepatitis B from having unprotected anal<br />

or vaginal sex or sharing needles or works<br />

with someone who has Hep B. Hep B is<br />

found in an infected person’s blood,<br />

semen, and/or vaginal secretions. Other<br />

ways to get it include getting a tattoo or<br />

body piercing from someone who doesn’t<br />

properly sterilize their equipment. Hepatitis<br />

B is an extremely “hearty” virus. It can live<br />

outside the body for a long time in tiny<br />

quantities of dried up blood. So, don’t<br />

share personal items like toothbrushes,<br />

razors, cottons, cookers, mixing and rinse<br />

water, or syringes.<br />

And remember…Hep B is 100 times<br />

easier to catch or pass on than HIV.<br />

The big difference is — there’s a vaccine<br />

for Hepatitis B!<br />

21


So are the vaccines effective? Yes. And they are safe, too.<br />

These vaccines trigger your body to build up antibodies that will<br />

fight off Hep A & B if and when you ever get exposed to these<br />

viruses. The Hep A vaccine requires 2 shots. You get the second<br />

shot six months after the first. The Hep B vaccine takes 3 shots<br />

spread out over six months. You can get Hep A & B vaccine<br />

shots at the same time and only visit the clinic a total of three<br />

times. The shots are usually given in your upper arm and are<br />

relatively painless. Plus, they can sure save you a lot of grief,<br />

pain, and worry later on. Protection against Hep A & B is<br />

especially important for people who shoot drugs and for folks<br />

that have HIV. Many injectors already have the virus called<br />

Hepatitis C. And getting infected with Hep A or B on top of<br />

Hep C can be real bad news. The combined infection is often<br />

much more serious and can lead to an early and ugly death.<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

22<br />

!NOW!<br />

IS THE TIME TO GET<br />

VACCINATED AGAINST<br />

THESE VIRUSES!<br />

Most medical insurance plans<br />

cover Hepatitis A & B shots<br />

if you are at “high risk.” You<br />

are considered “high risk”<br />

if you are a gay or bisexual<br />

man or someone who injects<br />

drugs. You may have to tell<br />

your doctor about your “high<br />

risk” behavior to get the A & B<br />

vaccines. But, there’s no<br />

reason why your doc needs<br />

to tell your insurance<br />

company or anyone else.<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

★<br />

Fact:<br />

Up to 90% of people who<br />

shoot drugs have Hepatitis C.<br />

Unfortunately, we don’t have<br />

a vaccine for Hep C — yet.<br />

But getting Hep A or B on top<br />

of Hep C can be very serious<br />

— it can even kill you.<br />

Fact:<br />

Getting vaccinated for both<br />

Hepatitis A&B can keep you<br />

help keep you healthy and<br />

save your life!<br />

So, contact your regular clinic or doctor<br />

to get your Hepatitis A & B vaccines. If<br />

you don’t have a regular clinic or doctor,<br />

then call the HIV/STD HOTLINE at<br />

(206) 205-STDS(7837). Tell ‘em that<br />

you’d like to get vaccinated for Hepatitis<br />

A & B and they’ll hook you up. The<br />

Hep Squad provides free vaccines to<br />

folks who are low-income or don’t have<br />

adequate medical insurance. The hotline<br />

can make referrals to clinics that will<br />

provide free vaccine and free (or low-cost)<br />

Hepatitis screening.<br />

REMEMBER — Hepatitis Hurts!<br />

Getting the Hepatitis shots is one of the<br />

most hassle-free ways to stay healthy.<br />

The Hep Squad will also give you a cool<br />

T-shirt when you come in for your first<br />

shot. So, what’s the catch? There is no<br />

catch — for real.<br />

Get the shots. Get a T-shirt. Then, relax<br />

and feel the weight of worrying about<br />

Hepatitis A & B being lifted from your<br />

soul. Ahhh...


Hepatitis<br />

Symptoms<br />

Hepatitis A symptoms come<br />

on rapidly and are short-lived.<br />

Symptoms usually last one<br />

to two weeks. Hep A and B<br />

are especially dangerous for<br />

people who already have an<br />

existing liver condition like<br />

Hepatitis C. Getting Hepatitis<br />

A or B on top of Hepatitis C<br />

can be very serious, even<br />

life-threatening.<br />

About 1 in 10 people who<br />

get Hepatitis B will develop<br />

a long-lasting infection that<br />

can continue to kill liver cells<br />

and lead to cirrhosis or liver<br />

cancer. Also, once you get<br />

it, there is no effective<br />

treatment or cure for Hep B.<br />

Immunization is the only<br />

effective way to prevent the<br />

potential health problems<br />

associated with Hepatitis B.<br />

Hepatitis Symptom* Short List<br />

■ upset stomach<br />

■ stomach or side pain<br />

■ loss of appetite<br />

■ vomiting<br />

■ feeling tired, weak, or "achy"<br />

■ joint pain<br />

■ fever<br />

■ yellow or brown urine<br />

■ pale or white colored shit<br />

■ yellowish eyes and/or skin<br />

*Many people have no physical<br />

symptoms but they can still pass<br />

the virus on to their friends and<br />

loved ones.<br />

Q: Am I safe from STDs<br />

if I only have oral sex?<br />

COMING SOON!<br />

NEW<br />

MEDICAL<br />

CLINIC!<br />

at Downtown Needle Exchange,<br />

1511-2nd Avenue (between Pike & Pine)<br />

■ Abscess & wound care<br />

■ Hepatitis A & B vaccines<br />

■ Other health care needs<br />

Opening in May<br />

M-F 1:15-4:30pm<br />

Walk-ins welcome<br />

Sponsored by:<br />

Public Health — Seattle & King County<br />

Pioneer Square Medical Clinic<br />

Health Care for the Homeless Network<br />

A: The mouth and throat can be the happy home of gonorrhea and while<br />

there’s lower risk than with fucking, you can get HIV from oral sex. 23


What’s love got<br />

to do with it?<br />

24<br />

Tina Turner<br />

must have<br />

been truly<br />

tweaked<br />

to let<br />

herself get<br />

all messed<br />

up by Ike.<br />

But look<br />

who’s on<br />

top now!<br />

ByEd<br />

Aaron<br />

Still, I can understand — love, or at least what we think<br />

is love, can make us do some pretty messed up stuff.<br />

Q: If I had an STD, wouldn’t I know it?


So this is supposed to be a “love-filled” issue<br />

of AmphetaZINE. And since that’s the case,<br />

I decided (with a little coaxing from fellow<br />

NEON Peer Educators) to sit down and<br />

talk about my own experience with love.<br />

I’ll admit to a certain amount of near terror<br />

about this whole business for two reasons.<br />

First, I’m more comfortable talking with<br />

people. A writer I’m not. It’s hard enough<br />

to find the right words to speak sometimes,<br />

let alone to try writing them. It helps to<br />

admit being an amateur at this — it was<br />

the boss’s idea. Anyway, I think severe<br />

boredom must have brought it on.<br />

The second reason for my terror is that I<br />

must admit how little I know about or have<br />

experienced love in my life. To me, it’s been<br />

more of an abstract concept defined by<br />

religions, classical literature and Hollywood<br />

tear-jerk dramas. Remember? Joan<br />

Crawford all hot and bothered over some<br />

hunk of man-meat named Johnny Guitar.<br />

I thought Mercedes McCambridge was<br />

gonna gersch all over herself for<br />

almost two thirds of that movie.<br />

Love and Hollywood. “If you<br />

played it for her you can play it<br />

for me. Play it Sam. Play As Time<br />

Goes By.” Closest moment<br />

to Bogart crying like a<br />

pussy-whipped sissy in his<br />

whole career. People, we<br />

were supposed to fall for<br />

the “okey-doke” that<br />

love caused all that<br />

emotional titillation.<br />

My own theory is that it<br />

was just too damned hot<br />

in Casablanca. It is near<br />

the Equator, isn’t it?<br />

What other images are<br />

conjured up in my memory<br />

regarding l’amour? Um... I wrote French.<br />

Oh yes, Patti LaBelle’s ode to the working<br />

girl, honey. “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi<br />

ce soir?” After that song came out there<br />

were ho’s all over America running around<br />

swearin’ to high<br />

heaven that they<br />

had some Creole<br />

in them. No doubt<br />

followed by some<br />

Irish, some Dutch,<br />

some German,<br />

some Spanish,<br />

and a whole lot<br />

of Black folks just<br />

passin’ by. Oh<br />

yeah. Let’s sing<br />

about love. Why<br />

am I hearing<br />

the SOS band in<br />

my head all of a sudden? “Baby we can<br />

do it, take your time, do it right; we can do<br />

it, Baby, do it tonight.” —Perhaps even<br />

longer if our checkout time ain’t till noon.<br />

What I have known of love on<br />

a personal level — whether<br />

giving or receiving it — is best<br />

compared to a snowflake<br />

passing through a raging<br />

fire. Now you see it; now<br />

you don’t. Today you’ll feel<br />

it; tomorrow you won’t. The<br />

only real, genuine, sincere,<br />

constant, and unquestioned<br />

love I’ve ever had in my life<br />

has come from my biological<br />

and my adopted families.<br />

I am the second son of<br />

nine children, but was<br />

raised as an only child<br />

by my adoptive parents.<br />

We lived in a sixteen-room<br />

house on the corner of<br />

A: Sometimes but not always. Many STDs, like chlamydia, gonorrhea and herpes<br />

can be in your throat, your dick or your butt without any symptoms.<br />

I thought<br />

Mercedes<br />

McCambridge<br />

was gonna<br />

gersch all<br />

over herself<br />

for almost<br />

two thirds<br />

of that movie.<br />

25


16th and Union from 1956<br />

to 1970. In it, I learned to<br />

love big band, swing, jazz,<br />

be-bop, the blues, soul and,<br />

just to mystify my parents,<br />

the Beatles. I learned to love<br />

books. They were often the<br />

only friends I had. Dad got<br />

me eight sets of the first HO<br />

scale trains sold in Seattle,<br />

and built a layout that ran<br />

through three rooms in our<br />

basement. It was mine but<br />

he played with it more than<br />

I did. Around the age of<br />

eleven, I started to play<br />

more under the layout<br />

than on it. Games. Doctor.<br />

I specialized in proctology<br />

and urology. For a long<br />

time, I wanted to be a<br />

doctor — code named<br />

“Dr. Feelgood.”<br />

Dad died of cancer in 1970.<br />

Mom saw me graduate<br />

from Garfield in 1971 and<br />

give a commencement<br />

speech in the Opera House<br />

that had grown ups crying<br />

like babies. Next, I spent two<br />

years at Oberlin College<br />

and two years at Seattle<br />

University. Then, mom<br />

died in a house fire in our<br />

Beacon Hill home. It started<br />

under my bed from multiappliance<br />

electrical cords<br />

that caused a short circuit.<br />

On April 19, 1975, the<br />

person who taught me love<br />

as I’d known it best, from<br />

whom I’d known love the<br />

longest, and who lived love<br />

26<br />

with a purity of heart<br />

I haven’t known since,<br />

left me, for the first time in<br />

my life. Completely alone.<br />

I laid part of my soul to rest<br />

in Washington Memorial<br />

Park four days later with her.<br />

Reconnecting to my natural<br />

family was part of being<br />

regrounded to reason<br />

despite my emotional state.<br />

Immediately upon their<br />

hearing of my adoptive<br />

mother’s death — out of<br />

Q: Gonorrhea and Chlamydia are no big deal, right?<br />

the blue, from Spokane,<br />

Tacoma, Olympia, Yakima,<br />

Vancouver, Portland - all of<br />

my siblings returned home<br />

knowing it was where they<br />

should be. The spirit of a<br />

woman they had all known<br />

as an “aunt” lived on in me.<br />

Out of her death came the<br />

awareness that distance<br />

and difference in my life<br />

up to that time had never<br />

caused my natural family<br />

to displace me or their<br />

memories to erase the


ond of common blood.<br />

The love I’ve come to share<br />

with my natural mother has<br />

helped heal old emotional<br />

wounds.<br />

But it took me twenty years<br />

of therapy to stop grieving.<br />

Another three to accept<br />

that I couldn’t have known<br />

how old and worn the<br />

wiring in that house really<br />

was. The fact that I was at<br />

a friend’s birthday party<br />

throwing logs into a blazing<br />

fire at the exact same<br />

moment that my adoptive<br />

mother was dying of smoke<br />

inhalation was really just a<br />

tragic coincidence. Twentythree<br />

years later I started to<br />

learn to love again. Starting<br />

with myself.<br />

Maternal love has blessed<br />

me twice in my lifetime.Most<br />

who lose it once never<br />

regain it again. There is<br />

such a mixture of emotions<br />

in that statement. Sadness<br />

from loss balanced with the<br />

joy from restoration. My two<br />

mother’s personalities were<br />

and are different — very much<br />

so. But I am their common<br />

bond. And if traits of<br />

character are inheritable,<br />

then I have an indomitable<br />

will, boundless compassion,<br />

and I obtain joy through<br />

nurturing the best in others,<br />

even when they can’t see<br />

it. Instruction created the<br />

conviction of my principles<br />

and the courage to defend<br />

them. I keep an open mind<br />

to receive all knowledge<br />

“Some day he’ll come along,<br />

the man I love,<br />

And he’ll be big and strong,<br />

the man I love.”<br />

Isn’t Gershwin romantic?<br />

Yes, indeed, “Hit me again Ike —<br />

and this time, put some stank on it!”<br />

Editor’s note<br />

Ed is a Peer Educator with <strong>Project</strong> NEON. His artwork was featured in Issue 18 of AmphetaZINE.<br />

We’ll have more on Ed’s life and his “twenty years of grieving” in a future issue.<br />

A: Having an STD can make you up to 5 times more likely to give or get HIV.<br />

that makes me not only<br />

aware, but wiser, too.<br />

I am an avid student<br />

and I’ve learned a humility<br />

that allows me at times<br />

to teach what I know to<br />

others. Above all, I’ve<br />

learned the power of<br />

giving and the precious<br />

healing it can bring.<br />

So, Hollywood — what say<br />

you? You and your tragic,<br />

tear-jerking movies about<br />

unrequited love. And the<br />

music industry is no better<br />

— promising that some<br />

man’s gonna show up and<br />

take all that pain away...<br />

You can’t tell me that Ike<br />

was lovin’ Tina Turner with<br />

his fists.<br />

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥<br />

27


28<br />

Schlongs In The Wind presents<br />

BathhouseBoyfest!<br />

with surprise guest appearance by<br />

Mr. Syphilis<br />

These boys have<br />

no idea that<br />

Mr. Syphilis has just<br />

joined the party.<br />

“If you have more than 1 sexual partner,<br />

get tested for STDs and HIV Every 3 months!”<br />

Brought to you by the friendly folks at the HIV/AIDS Program


TESTING!<br />

Not nearly as fun as the bathhouse boyfest,<br />

but surprisingly simple and friendly!<br />

Club Seattle<br />

1520 Summit (between Pike & Pine)<br />

Sat. 10pm-2am. Free & Anonymous<br />

(Entry to Club Seattle not included.)<br />

ORAL TESTING<br />

PEE IN A CUP<br />

Q-TIP IN THE PENIS<br />

Your choice of locations:<br />

Northwest AIDS Foundation<br />

Harborview Medical Center<br />

Ground Floor (corner of 9th Ave. & Alder)<br />

Wed. & Fri. 9am-12noon. Free & Anonymous<br />

Walk-Ins or Appointments (206)731-3590<br />

That’s not<br />

so bad!<br />

FUN!<br />

OUCH!<br />

No way!<br />

(don’t worry,<br />

you don’t have to<br />

do it this way)<br />

Club Z<br />

1117 Pike (between Boren & Minor)<br />

Fri. 10pm-2am. Free & Anonymous.<br />

(Entry to Club Z not included.)<br />

Don’t Want to get tested<br />

at the Baths? Call 205-7837<br />

for other options.<br />

29


While browsing one of the city’s best places to get porn<br />

(the Crypt,) I had the urge to actually rent a “cheezy”<br />

porn flick. If you have never seen one, then consider<br />

yourself very lucky. In my humble opinion, so many gay<br />

porn flicks that are “inspired” by a popular movie or<br />

TV show lack a whole lot of creativity and originality.<br />

Nevertheless, so long as the sex is decent, the film will<br />

make some money and the producers will make more bad<br />

porn with that money. That’s where I come in, helping<br />

innocent porn consumers from becoming caught in<br />

the vicious cycle of the porn industry; guiding the way<br />

to ultimate “porno-enlightenment.”<br />

Hellrazer caught my attention because the original<br />

Hellraiser (written by Clive Barker) is one of my all<br />

time favorite horror films. Also the back of the box<br />

sounded promising.<br />

“Like a human fly, caught in a web of chains, helpless<br />

and trapped, hot blond boy Dax Kelly is flogged,<br />

fingered, paddled, dildoed and tease fucked by<br />

Satanic stud Joey (The Club) D’Falco, to an<br />

explosive conclusion!”<br />

I was disappointed that the director, Mark Reilly,<br />

did not arrange a special guest appearance by Pinhead.<br />

There seemed to be an extreme shortage of cast<br />

members. In fact the entire cast had only two Stars.<br />

Dax Kelly and Joey D’Falco. Next time, I’ll pay closer<br />

attention to the cast when choosing a porn flick.<br />

The scene opens in a dark, hazy room with red lighting.<br />

The “web of chains” that holds the hot, blonde bottom,<br />

Dax, along with the chain link fence in the background<br />

set “the mood.” The devilish top, Joey, enters the room<br />

fully decked out in leather and ready for action. In fact<br />

30<br />

Hellrazer ©1998 (An Alpha Omega/TALOS Entertainment Production)<br />

Directed By: Mark Reilly<br />

Starring: Dax Kelly and Joey D’Falco<br />

[2 1 /2 erections out of 5]<br />

Rating Guide:<br />

1 Cock (limp larry)<br />

to 5 Cocks (exploding milk truck)<br />

RATING<br />

he wastes no time at all. He grabs his flogger and shows<br />

the proper way to treat a bound and gagged sex slave.<br />

Like a good bottom, Dax begs for more.<br />

The variety of sex toys used in the scene is outstanding.<br />

Typically, SMBD films will emphasize too much of<br />

one type. For instance, dildos frequently get over-used.<br />

A scene will have some paddles or whips, then be<br />

quickly upstaged by the heavy artillery of dildos!<br />

Variety is the spice of life. This is also true for SMBD<br />

play. Be creative and resourceful, use things that<br />

are lying around the house. Clothespins are a perfect<br />

example. Joey puts them across each of Dax’s nice<br />

round butt cheeks, sending Dax out into orbit. However,<br />

Joey’s forte is using the toy between his legs. While<br />

he’s plowing Dax’s bubble butt, the chemistry between<br />

them is hotter than Hell! The way Joey tease-fucks him<br />

is superb. Like the cover promised, the climax between<br />

them is explosive.<br />

Inevitably, the “cheeze” sets in. Apparently, the studio<br />

over-spent their already low budget (probably on the<br />

party favors provided to the cast during the explosive<br />

sex scene.) Suddenly Dax falls asleep from his taxing<br />

orgasm (how clever!). Now the producers attempt to<br />

stretch a 30-minute film to 60. This isn’t a dream<br />

sequence; it’s a nightmare! The next 20 minutes are<br />

instant replays of the sex scenes with some hazy lines<br />

thrown across the screen. A tip for the director: re-runs<br />

belong on TV, not in porn.<br />

Dax wakes up. The end. Wait! It’s not over until the<br />

audience gets a sneak preview of the much-anticipated<br />

sequel: Hellrazer II... which I can guarantee I will not<br />

fall for the second time around. Happy porn watching!


Locations Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat<br />

DOWNTOWN<br />

1511 2nd Ave.<br />

between Pike & Pine<br />

WHITE CENTER<br />

Van at SW 100th<br />

& 14th Ave. SW<br />

SOUTH PARK<br />

Van at Orr Street &<br />

14th Ave. Bridge<br />

RAINIER VALLEY<br />

Van on S Forest St. one<br />

block west of Rainier,<br />

behind auto parts store<br />

CAPITOL HILL<br />

Van on 10th Ave. between<br />

Madison & Union<br />

OFF BROADWAY<br />

SOS/STONEWALL<br />

903 East Republican<br />

just east of Broadway<br />

SOS (U-DISTRICT)<br />

Table in alley behind<br />

post office at NE 43rd<br />

& U Way NE<br />

6:30pm<br />

to<br />

9:00pm<br />

1:00pm<br />

to<br />

5:00pm<br />

1:00pm<br />

to<br />

5:30pm<br />

9:30am<br />

to<br />

11:30am<br />

5:30pm<br />

to<br />

8:00pm<br />

5:00pm<br />

to<br />

7:00pm<br />

1:00pm<br />

to<br />

5:30pm<br />

6:30pm<br />

to<br />

8:30pm<br />

6:30pm<br />

to<br />

9:00pm<br />

1:00pm<br />

to<br />

5:30pm<br />

6:30pm<br />

to<br />

8:30pm<br />

6:30pm<br />

to<br />

9:00pm<br />

5:00pm<br />

to<br />

7:00pm<br />

1:00pm<br />

to<br />

5:30pm<br />

6:30pm<br />

to<br />

8:30pm<br />

6:30pm<br />

to<br />

9:00pm<br />

Open 7<br />

days a week!<br />

1:00pm<br />

to<br />

5:30pm<br />

9:30am<br />

to<br />

11:30am<br />

5:30pm<br />

to<br />

8:00pm<br />

1:00pm<br />

to<br />

5:00pm<br />

2:00pm<br />

to<br />

4:00pm<br />

6:30pm<br />

to<br />

9:00pm<br />

1:00pm<br />

to<br />

5:00pm<br />

AmphetaZINE is free. You can get a copy from any of NEON’s fabulous Peer Educators or from other<br />

Capitol Hill locations. Look for it at the Capitol Hill Needle Exchange, Off Broadway Needle Exchange,<br />

Gay City Health <strong>Project</strong>, Club Seattle, Basic Plumbing, and Beyond the Closet Bookstore. If you can’t<br />

find a copy, call us and we’ll tell you where to get one or throw one in the mail for you.<br />

31


RESOURCES<br />

★AIDS / HIV / STD's ★<br />

Get your questions answered<br />

at one of these numbers:<br />

AIDS Care Access <strong>Project</strong> (ACAP)<br />

(Referrals to physicians, dentists and clinics for people with HIV;<br />

assistance with the HIV Early Intervention Program (EIP) and<br />

the AIDS Prescription Drug Program) 284-9277<br />

HIV/AIDS Hotline<br />

(National) 1-800-342-2437<br />

Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD)<br />

Hotline (National) 1-800-227-8922<br />

HIV/STD Hotline (King County)<br />

(Confidential information line, referrals for STD & HIV testing)<br />

205-7837 / TDD: 296-4863<br />

Get tested at any of these places:<br />

HIV/STD Testing<br />

205-7837 / TDD: 296-4863<br />

Seattle Gay Clinic (HIV and STD testing,<br />

sliding scale, walk-ins ok) 461-4540<br />

Harborview STD Clinic 731-3590<br />

Spring Street Clinic 296-4848<br />

Get HIV/AIDS support<br />

at one of these places:<br />

Chicken Soup Brigade (Transportation, visits,<br />

and meal help) 328-8979<br />

Northwest AIDS Foundation<br />

(HIV resources and referrals) 329-6923<br />

POCAAN – People of Color Against<br />

AIDS Network (Support groups for HIV+ Latino and<br />

African American men, harm reduction group for users)<br />

322-7061<br />

Seattle AIDS Support Group (Emotional<br />

support for people affected by HIV) 322-2437<br />

Madison Clinic 731-5100<br />

DRUG RESOURCES<br />

Alcohol/Drug Help Line (24hr) 722-3700<br />

Outside of Seattle: 1-800-562-1240<br />

Marijuana Treatment <strong>Project</strong><br />

223-3644 xt. 256 or 241<br />

Narcotics Anonymous (12-Step) 451-1516<br />

Needle Exchange (See inside back cover of this zine<br />

for locations and times)<br />

NEON (Harm reduction options for gay and bisexual guys<br />

who use crystal) 622-6925<br />

Stonewall Recovery Services (Harm reduction<br />

and recovery services for the trans-les-bi-gay community. Free<br />

one-on-one counseling and a variety of group meetings for<br />

crystal users sponsored by NEON) 461-4546<br />

Street Outreach Services 625-0858<br />

These resources are for Seattle unless otherwise noted. If you're not in Seattle,<br />

consult the community pages of your phonebook.<br />

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★<br />

EMERGENCIES<br />

Crisis Clinic 461-3222 / TDD 461-3219<br />

Fire/Police/Ambulance 9-1-1<br />

Washington Poison Center<br />

526-2121 / TDD 517-2394<br />

LEGAL SERVICES<br />

American Civil Liberties Union<br />

(ACLU) 624-2180<br />

Evergreen Legal Services 464-5911<br />

Lawyer Referral and<br />

Volunteer Legal Services 623-2551<br />

Mothers Against<br />

Police Harassment 329-2033<br />

The Tenants Union<br />

(landlord problems) 723-0500<br />

✌<br />

✌<br />

✌<br />

✌<br />

✌<br />

✌<br />

✌<br />

✌<br />

✌<br />

✌<br />

FOOD STAMPS / MED COUPONS<br />

1) Go to the blue pages at the<br />

front of your phone book.<br />

2) Find the section called<br />

"State Government."<br />

3) Look under Community<br />

Service Offices (CSO).<br />

4) Find the number for the<br />

office for your ZIP code.<br />

✌<br />

Mental Health ✌<br />

Crisis Intervention Services 731-3415 ✌<br />

✌<br />

Community Psychiatric Clinic 461-3614<br />

✌<br />

Seattle Counseling Service 323-1768 ✌<br />

Suicide Crisis Line (24hr) 461-3222 ✌<br />

✌<br />

Outside Seattle, call 1-800-244-5767 ✌<br />

UW Medical Center (24hr) 548-4000 ✌<br />

✌<br />

Housing<br />

Northwest AIDS Foundation 329-6923<br />

Downtown Emergency<br />

Services Center 464-1570<br />

Seattle Housing Authority 615-3340<br />

Pioneer Housing 322-6645<br />

Plymouth Housing 374-9409<br />

SUICIDE<br />

Crisis Line (24hr) 461-3222<br />

Outside Seattle, call 1-800-244-5767<br />

UW Medical Center (24hr) 548-4000<br />

HEALTH CARE<br />

Community Info Line 461-3200<br />

Country Doctor Community Clinic<br />

(Serves Capitol Hill area) 461-4503<br />

Forty-Fifth Street Clinic (Serves mostly<br />

U-Dist. & Wallingford, but not strict) 633-3350<br />

Harborview Medical Center<br />

• Emergency 731-3074<br />

• Acute Illness (Non-emergency) 731-5867<br />

• Clinic Information 731-5855<br />

King County Health Dept. Info Line<br />

(Referrals for medical and dental) 296-4600<br />

Pike Market Medical Clinic 728-4143<br />

Pioneer Square Clinic 521-1750<br />

Providence Urgent Care 320-4900<br />

Gay, Bisexual,Lesbian,Transgender<br />

Bi-Net 728-4533<br />

Gay City/Queercore (HIV prevention and<br />

Community Development — Queercore targets<br />

gay/bi men 20-29) 860-6969<br />

Ingersoll Gender Center 329-6651<br />

Lesbian Resource Center 322-3953<br />

Queer Youth Info Line 322-7900<br />

Seattle Counseling Service 323-1768<br />

SURVIVORS (VIOLENCE)<br />

Seattle Rape Relief<br />

(24hr hotline for men & women) 632-7273<br />

Domestic Violence Hotline (24hr)<br />

1-800-562-6025<br />

Alternatives to Fear<br />

(Self defense) 328-5347<br />

Seattle Counseling Service 323-1768<br />

Harborview (Groups for men, women,<br />

teens and children) 521-1800<br />

Don't see what you're looking for?<br />

Try calling the<br />

Community Info Line at 461-3200!<br />

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

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