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<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />
APRIL 2010 FREE<br />
A second chance<br />
Page 3<br />
Everyone’s mom<br />
Page 6<br />
Chefs’ infl uences<br />
Page 20<br />
CELEBRATING MOTHERS
2 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />
INDEX<br />
A second chance at motherhood Page 3<br />
A mom for all reasons Page 6<br />
Apple a Day Page 8<br />
Lightly Roasted Page 9<br />
Quarterlife Lessons Page 10<br />
Gold Star Mother Page 12<br />
History of Mother’s Day Page 15<br />
Loving her mother-in-law Page 15<br />
Soccer Moms transformed Page 16<br />
The Essay Page 17<br />
Book Review Page 18<br />
The Long View Page 19<br />
Table Talk Page 20<br />
Fitness Focus Page 22<br />
Mommilies Page 23<br />
ON THE COVER: Kim DeMado with her newborn<br />
son, Jackson. She writes about having a second<br />
chance at motherhood on page 3. Courtesy photo<br />
Contributors<br />
SHARON BAGALIO<br />
LESLIE BRIDGERS<br />
KIM DEMADO<br />
KATHY ELISCU<br />
PAULA GIBBS<br />
NANCY GRAPE<br />
MEL HOWARDS<br />
LINDA HERSEY<br />
FROM THE PUBLISHER<br />
Let’s celebrate moms<br />
Welcome to spring in<br />
<strong>Maine</strong>.<br />
After we endure the 40<br />
days and 40 nights of rain, we will<br />
be paid off with black fl ies, ticks,<br />
and of course, our state bird,<br />
the mosquito. We will also be<br />
rewarded with early crocuses and<br />
tulips poking through the mud, a<br />
steady chorus of evening peepers,<br />
and a season of new beginnings<br />
and growth. We are devoting our<br />
spring issue of <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />
to moms – whether it’s Mother<br />
Earth or your own mother, let’s<br />
face it, moms hold the key to new<br />
beginnings.<br />
The stories in this particular issue<br />
are happy, sad, funny and promising.<br />
I’ve just fi nished reading Taryn<br />
Plumb’s piece about the quintessential<br />
“neighborhood mom,” Gayle<br />
Marie Page. What a wonderful<br />
tribute to Page and all who loved<br />
her. She opened her home and her<br />
heart to an extended family of kids,<br />
who I’m sure will never forget her.<br />
Over the years, I have aspired to<br />
be the kind of mom that Page is<br />
described as, always opening up<br />
my home to the friends and families<br />
of my own kids. Many Saturday<br />
mornings I wake up and the<br />
fi rst thought is, how many extras<br />
do we have sleeping in the house?<br />
Sunday brunches, mid-week meals<br />
and late-night visits from all of the<br />
JOANNE LANNIN<br />
MARYANN MOLLOY<br />
TARYN PLUMB<br />
MARY SNELL<br />
kids and their friends bring a lot of<br />
joy and laughter to our home. I love<br />
having grown kids who want to<br />
come and hang out and bring their<br />
friends along.<br />
I’m sure I inherited this quality<br />
from my own mother, who was always<br />
willing to set an extra plate<br />
at the table, bring a friend on the<br />
family vacations, and host the<br />
summer pool parties for all of my<br />
friends. When she died a year or so<br />
ago, it was these friends who came<br />
to celebrate her life.<br />
For me, there has been no better,<br />
more fulfi lling experience<br />
than being a mom. When my girls<br />
were small, maybe 4 and 7 years<br />
old, I got some great advice from<br />
another mom who had two teenage<br />
daughters at the time and was<br />
extremely close to them. Knowing<br />
that this is often the exception, and<br />
not the rule, I asked her what she<br />
thought was the most important<br />
thing in keeping the relationship<br />
strong. She said this: “Always remember<br />
what’s it like to be ‘that’<br />
age – whatever the age your kids<br />
are. Remember what it was like for<br />
you when you were that age – and<br />
be honest.” Now, some 14 years<br />
later, I still live by that advice, and<br />
I am forever grateful.<br />
Happy Mother’s Day. Take some<br />
time to celebrate your mom and<br />
being a mom.<br />
<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />
840 MAIN ST., WESTBROOK ME 04092<br />
(207) 854-2577 (207) 854-0018 – FAX mainewomen@keepmecurrent.com<br />
LEE HEWS Publisher<br />
JANE P. LORD Editor<br />
CYNDY BELL Advertising<br />
JONATHAN MORSE Production Manager<br />
KATE AUDETTE, KATIE BELL, JOE COTE, TRACI GOFF Production<br />
Lee Hews<br />
If you have ideas,<br />
suggestions, comments<br />
please contact us by e-mail<br />
at mainewomen@keepme<br />
current.com or call me at<br />
207-854-2577.
By Kim DeMado<br />
Kim DeMado and her husand<br />
Tim are co-foundrs<br />
of Athlete’s Training<br />
Systems (www.getATS.<br />
om), an online personal<br />
raining and nutritional<br />
oaching business, and<br />
hey work at The Bay Club<br />
in downtown Portland.<br />
She is also the group fi tness<br />
director, instructor<br />
nd trainer there. She has<br />
ompeted in more than 25<br />
marathons and is a twoime<br />
Ironman fi nisher.<br />
A<br />
year ago, I got the<br />
exciting news that<br />
I was pregnant.<br />
You might ask yourself,<br />
“What woman wouldn’t<br />
be excited to get that<br />
news while trying to conceive?”<br />
My story, however,<br />
is about getting a<br />
second chance.<br />
I am very fortunate to<br />
have had a healthy pregnancy,<br />
delivery and baby.<br />
But what makes my story<br />
unique is that from October<br />
2008 to October 2009,<br />
I not only had a baby, but<br />
also got married and<br />
started an online personal<br />
training and nutrition<br />
business with my<br />
husband, Tim. Jackson<br />
Adam is our fi rst child,<br />
but my fourth. I had my<br />
fi rst three children in my<br />
early 20s, and now, in my<br />
mid-40s, got the chance<br />
of a lifetime to do it again<br />
– a little calmer, a little<br />
older and a lot wiser.<br />
When my three children,<br />
<strong>Me</strong>gan, Chris and<br />
Will, found out that they<br />
were going to get a baby<br />
brother, they were not as<br />
surprised as I imagined.<br />
I’ve always been the type<br />
of person to dive right<br />
into things with energy<br />
and passion. They’ve<br />
seen me run marathons<br />
and Ironmans, start up<br />
new businesses and<br />
get married. So, seeing<br />
how happy Tim and<br />
I were, they understood<br />
this to be the next step,<br />
and could not have been<br />
more thrilled when Jackson<br />
entered the world.<br />
<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 3<br />
A second chance – mid-40s motherhood<br />
Second chance see page 4<br />
Kim DeMado lifts her 5-month-old son Jackson in the air while working out at<br />
the Bay Club in Portland. DeMado is a trainer at the fi tness club and has been<br />
staying fi t after becoming a mother. Staff photo by Brandon McKenney
4 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />
Second chance from page 3<br />
The boys are in and out<br />
of the house visiting all<br />
the time, and my daughter<br />
makes the trip from<br />
the West Coast as often<br />
as she can. In addition<br />
to the support of my children,<br />
I’ve had a phenomenal<br />
support group of<br />
friends and clients, many<br />
of whom I taught in fi tness<br />
classes throughout<br />
the pregnancy. I’ve loved<br />
seeing how my story has<br />
inspired other women to<br />
take on new adventures<br />
in their own lives. With<br />
the right attitude, you can<br />
do anything.<br />
Even with the support<br />
of my husband, children<br />
and friends, my pregnancy<br />
was still a challenge.<br />
Though I was excited to<br />
be expecting, I knew that<br />
there were risks involved,<br />
as there are in any pregnancy,<br />
so I couldn’t help<br />
but be a little fearful<br />
for the fi rst trimester. I<br />
backed off high-impact<br />
exercise, and concen-<br />
Getting back into shape<br />
My Top 5 pieces of advice for new moms<br />
trying to get into shape:<br />
1. Make sure you are eating enough for the two of<br />
you if you are nursing.<br />
2. Take a walk/jog every day with the baby for at<br />
least 30 minutes to an hour.<br />
3. As hard as it is, take naps when your infant sleeps<br />
– you’ll be less likely to skip out on a workout if<br />
you’re rested.<br />
4. Try to get help from your partner or other<br />
caregiver so that you can take time for yourself to<br />
exercise.<br />
5. Go out on date nights. Mom and Dad need to<br />
connect, too!<br />
– Kim DeMado<br />
trated on keeping myself<br />
rested, nourished and<br />
healthy. But when I entered<br />
my second trimester,<br />
I knew Jackson was<br />
healthy and I personally<br />
was feeling more energized.<br />
I was teaching all<br />
of my spin, step and gymnastics<br />
classes, as well<br />
as coaching our women’s<br />
track team and doing<br />
my own running. The<br />
third trimester continued<br />
smoothly, and before we<br />
knew it Jackson was out<br />
– in only four pushes.<br />
Tim and I feel so<br />
blessed to have this happy,<br />
healthy, giggly boy in<br />
our lives who is already<br />
growing up so fast. But it<br />
wasn’t easy and it continues<br />
to take a lot of hard<br />
work and patience to<br />
navigate our fast-paced<br />
lives.<br />
I know my active life-<br />
Kim DeMado often brings 5-month-old son Jackson to work with her at the Bay Club in Portland. Jackson<br />
is her fourth child – her fi rst three are now in their 20s. Staff photo by Brandon McKenney<br />
style contributed to my<br />
success in getting pregnant,<br />
having a healthy<br />
pregnancy and delivery,<br />
and getting back into<br />
shape quickly. There is<br />
no question that the way<br />
I ate and my constant exercise<br />
played a huge role<br />
in bouncing back as fast<br />
as I did. Throughout the<br />
pregnancy I made sure to<br />
get an hour of exercise<br />
in each day, though, as I<br />
said, in the fi rst trimester<br />
I avoided running and<br />
other high-impact exercises.<br />
I was also very<br />
careful with my diet and<br />
didn’t use pregnancy as<br />
an excuse to fi ll up on<br />
junk food. Instead, I followed<br />
the nutrition plan<br />
of our own company,<br />
Athlete’s Training Systems,<br />
which, along with<br />
cardio, strength training<br />
and yoga, was the<br />
key to only gaining 25<br />
pounds and having no<br />
swelling. I can honestly<br />
say I came into this pregnancy<br />
physically fi t and<br />
emotionally strong, and<br />
worked to maintain this<br />
strength throughout the<br />
nine months.<br />
As all moms know, the<br />
challenges are really just<br />
beginning the day your<br />
baby is born. Often one<br />
of the toughest obstacles<br />
is losing the baby weight.<br />
Though I was careful to<br />
keep my weight gain to a<br />
minimum, it still took hard<br />
work to get my body back<br />
into pre-pregnancy shape.<br />
My ATS nutrition plan has<br />
helped by allowing me to<br />
follow my total calories<br />
based on my exercise levels<br />
and body needs.<br />
Both my biggest challenge<br />
and biggest reward<br />
today is balancing time<br />
with my family, coaching<br />
clients, working on<br />
the business and doing<br />
things for myself. Yet,<br />
now in my 40s, I’m more<br />
laid back and I don’t<br />
sweat the small stuff. I’ve<br />
learned a lot through the<br />
years, and plan to take a<br />
different approach to parenting<br />
this time around.<br />
I’m more confi dent, more<br />
patient, but also probably<br />
a little fi rmer. For example,<br />
Jackson was already<br />
sleeping through the<br />
night at 4 months. Tim<br />
and I realized that it’s<br />
OK for babies to cry, and<br />
often he lulled himself<br />
back to sleep. As Jackson<br />
grows up, I intend to<br />
stick to us all eating the<br />
same meals. Whereas I<br />
used to bend over backward<br />
to accommodate<br />
three very different kids’<br />
tastes, I hope to stand<br />
fi rm with Jackson, and I<br />
think he’ll be better off<br />
for it.<br />
We also plan to be cautious<br />
when it comes to<br />
competitive sports participation.<br />
We’ve seen<br />
families become centered<br />
entirely on their<br />
children’s sports, at the<br />
expense of other activities.<br />
As athletes ourselves,<br />
we do hope that<br />
Jackson will develop a<br />
passion for one or more<br />
sports, but it has to be<br />
his choice and it won’t<br />
be a replacement for other<br />
family-time activities.<br />
Kids need to be kids.<br />
I have had the opportunity<br />
to share with other<br />
women that anything is<br />
possible if you put your<br />
mind to it and realize<br />
that there are no limits.<br />
You don’t have to believe<br />
that you cannot lose the<br />
weight, cannot fi nd time<br />
to exercise or cannot<br />
have another child. It’s all<br />
about the power of positive<br />
belief, and only you<br />
have control over your<br />
mindset. All of life’s challenges<br />
and goals require<br />
hard work and a positive<br />
outlook to achieve.<br />
However, with consistent<br />
behavior and perseverance,<br />
you can get there.<br />
My goal is being the best<br />
mother I can be – the second<br />
time around.
<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 5
6 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />
Taryn Plumb<br />
Taryn Plumb is a <strong>Maine</strong>based<br />
freelance writer<br />
who has written for a<br />
variety of publications,<br />
including daily and<br />
weekly newspapers, Web<br />
sites, trade and business<br />
journals, wedding, art<br />
nd regional-themed<br />
agazines.<br />
A mom for all reasons<br />
Gayle Marie Page’s welcome mat was always out<br />
It’s not something her<br />
family can really explain.<br />
It’s just the way she<br />
was.<br />
If you needed a place to<br />
sleep, you’d crash at Gayle’s.<br />
If you wanted advice,<br />
she’d be the one you’d ask.<br />
Hungry? Then she’d feed<br />
you.<br />
“She just loved the idea<br />
of people congregating<br />
around her,” Heather<br />
Cabading recalled of her<br />
mother, Gayle Marie Page,<br />
who died at age 63 in late<br />
March.<br />
She was the quintessential<br />
neighborhood mom:<br />
Her welcome mat was al-<br />
ways out. And it was most<br />
certainly well worn. Page,<br />
of Buxton, had just two<br />
children and one grandchild<br />
of her own (with two<br />
more nearly here), but she<br />
was a surrogate mother<br />
and grandmother to dozens<br />
of area kids.<br />
“We have hundreds of<br />
adopted brothers and sisters,<br />
some of whom we’ve<br />
never met,” chuckled<br />
Cabading, of Limington,<br />
mother to 2½-year-old<br />
Egan, and pregnant with<br />
fraternal twins.<br />
<strong>Me</strong>anwhile, when Cabading<br />
and her younger brother<br />
Troy Haskell were growing<br />
up, “our dearest<br />
friends just became part<br />
of the family. They were<br />
‘the other kids.’”<br />
In fact, it wasn’t uncommon<br />
to have a dozen or<br />
more kids swarming the<br />
family home. They would<br />
set up makeshift beds in<br />
the living room, and stay<br />
one night, a few – or as<br />
long as they needed.<br />
In the summer, they’d<br />
throng around the backyard<br />
swimming pool.<br />
And the fridge – well,<br />
let’s just say it was never<br />
safe.<br />
But this certainly wasn’t<br />
a problem, as Cabading<br />
pointed out: When you<br />
stayed at Gayle’s house,<br />
Gayle Page with her son, Troy Haskell, on the left, kneeling, and several former neighborhood kids and<br />
Haskell’s friends gathered for a reunion shortly before Page died. Growing up, says Page’s daughter<br />
Heather Cabading, “our dearest friends just became part of the family.” Courtesy photo<br />
“it was imperative that<br />
you eat.”<br />
She simply wouldn’t stop<br />
asking until you did.<br />
So, if you ever stopped<br />
by, you’d often fi nd her in<br />
the kitchen, stirring up big<br />
kettles of soup or making<br />
spaghetti. And for those<br />
with a sweet tooth, she<br />
was especially favored, as<br />
she was “famous for her<br />
whoopie pies,” explained<br />
her sister, Lynda Hudson,<br />
of Center Harbor, N.H.<br />
Holidays, meanwhile,<br />
would draw a crowd upwards<br />
of 30.<br />
And, despite the number<br />
of people who cycled<br />
through, she was the type<br />
who never forgot a single<br />
birthday. Or a wedding,<br />
for that matter. She even<br />
became a justice of the<br />
peace to marry Cabading’s<br />
childhood friend.<br />
In turn, this is how<br />
strongly her surrogate<br />
family felt about her: A<br />
couple of weeks before<br />
she died, her son held a<br />
reunion, and attendees<br />
were given just a day-anda-half<br />
notice.<br />
Every one of them came,<br />
Cabading said.<br />
Also, since Page’s death,<br />
there have been numerous<br />
phone calls, e-mails<br />
and cards, and friends and<br />
strangers constantly stop<br />
her family members on<br />
the street or in the store to<br />
offer sympathy and share<br />
memories.<br />
“I know what she did<br />
for me,” Cabading said,<br />
and seeing the reactions<br />
“means that other people<br />
also realized how special<br />
she was.”<br />
As Hudson recalled, it<br />
was hard not to: She was<br />
a wonderful storyteller<br />
with an incredible outlook<br />
on life and a great sense<br />
of humor.<br />
None of which, her sister<br />
stressed, were lost when<br />
she was suffering through<br />
radiation or the fi nal days<br />
of her cancer.<br />
She was also someone<br />
who didn’t let social<br />
expectations dictate her<br />
dreams. At a time when<br />
many people are ticking<br />
away the days to retirement,<br />
the near-sexagenarian<br />
enrolled at the<br />
the University of Southern<br />
<strong>Maine</strong> to pursue her<br />
bachelor’s degree in elementary<br />
education.<br />
And her age didn’t slow<br />
her down a bit. Like other<br />
college students, she<br />
pulled all-nighters and<br />
drafted extensive papers,<br />
her daughter recounted.<br />
Then, in 2008, at age 62,<br />
she donned her cap and<br />
gown and collected her<br />
diploma. Afterward, she<br />
worked as a substitute<br />
teacher, switching seamlessly<br />
from music one day<br />
to biology the next.<br />
But then, her brief but<br />
quick-striking illness halted<br />
her career.<br />
And, much as she tried<br />
to hold on, she never got<br />
the opportunity to meet or<br />
hold her twin grandchildren,<br />
Elijah and Abigayle,<br />
who are due in April.<br />
As her daughter noted,<br />
it’s heart-wrenching that<br />
such a vibrant, giving<br />
woman died at age 63.<br />
“She taught me to love<br />
my family more than anything<br />
else in the world. She<br />
taught me that every day<br />
is a gift,” she refl ected.<br />
Still, “she gave 150 percent<br />
of herself all the<br />
time,” Cabading said. “It<br />
would be wrong to feel<br />
sorry for ourselves.”
8 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />
Sharon Bagalio, RN<br />
A registered nurse who<br />
lso holds a master’s<br />
egree in public health,<br />
Bagalio is director of Risk<br />
Emergency Management<br />
at <strong>Me</strong>rcy Hospital,<br />
here she has worked for<br />
more than 10 years. She<br />
lives in Yarmouth.<br />
Kathy Eliscu<br />
Kathy Eliscu is a nurse<br />
nd freelance writer who<br />
lives in Westbrook. She<br />
redits her way of looking<br />
at the light side of<br />
life to her mother, the<br />
late Marge Eliscu, whose<br />
Coffee Break” humor<br />
olumn ran for two deades<br />
in the <strong>Maine</strong> Sunay<br />
Telegram.<br />
AN APPLE A DAY<br />
If you believe in yourself,<br />
How does one heal a<br />
broken heart?<br />
Technically a<br />
“broken heart” is not an<br />
identifi ed health issue.<br />
This condition doesn’t<br />
show up in medical journals,<br />
you don’t see drug<br />
companies advertising<br />
on television promoting<br />
a new cure-all medication<br />
you should be asking<br />
your doctor to prescribe,<br />
nor can you scientifi cally<br />
list the signs and symptoms<br />
of this condition. Yet<br />
we have all seen people<br />
with “broken hearts.” You<br />
LIGHTLY ROASTED<br />
Every now and then,<br />
I get momentarily<br />
hooked on a cable program<br />
called “A Baby Story.”<br />
Though I’m an older mom,<br />
I still melt at the sight of a<br />
newborn.<br />
Recently, the show featured<br />
a couple that had just<br />
adopted an adorable pair<br />
of twins. During the adoption<br />
process, the new mom<br />
found out that she was, fi -<br />
nally, pregnant. She was<br />
due to deliver her biological<br />
baby when the twins would<br />
be 5 months old. Or maybe<br />
the twin babies were adopted<br />
fi ve months before she<br />
found out she was pregnant.<br />
Or maybe they were now 5<br />
months old. Well, let’s just<br />
say there were already handfuls<br />
of babies, another one<br />
on the way, and a bunch<br />
of miscellaneous numbers<br />
and time sequences being<br />
thrown around, mostly fi ves,<br />
which in numerology means<br />
probably have had your<br />
heart broken at one time<br />
or other. I know I have<br />
and it just plan sucks.<br />
Of course, my heart has<br />
since healed. But, the pain<br />
that I experienced when<br />
my heart “broke” was very<br />
real. People may say no<br />
one has ever died of a broken<br />
heart, but when you’re<br />
suffering from one, it sure<br />
doesn’t feel that way.<br />
It’s only when you open<br />
yourself to love that your<br />
heart can break. Some<br />
people seem to have their<br />
hearts broken many times<br />
something like “should do<br />
well in ratings.” Bottom<br />
line: There would soon be<br />
three infants to care for plus<br />
a bunch of nervous, pacing<br />
grandparents-to-be.<br />
In TV time, the new parents/parents-to-be,<br />
all one<br />
and the same, are interviewed<br />
step by step as they<br />
prepare for labor, have labor,<br />
and head into delivery, all<br />
in one, fun-fi lled, 30-minute<br />
episode.<br />
After the initial, repeated<br />
teasers showing the woman<br />
pushing, we fast forward a<br />
full minute of actual show<br />
time to see mom-to-be in<br />
a steamy whirlpool at the<br />
hospital, while her involved,<br />
yuppie husband sits on the<br />
edge of the tub sipping his<br />
latte and occasionally dribbling<br />
warm water over her<br />
feet. The running dialogue<br />
for the next 15 minutes involves<br />
her repeating – yea,<br />
insisting – that she not have<br />
throughout their lives.<br />
Lots of things can cause<br />
heartbreak. Some people<br />
experience the pain of a<br />
romantic relationship that<br />
ends before they’re ready.<br />
We’ve seen people who<br />
have lost their soulmate<br />
when they pass, and the<br />
one left remaining cannot<br />
bear to live solo. Others<br />
love someone who doesn’t<br />
feel the same way they do<br />
about them. Heartbreak<br />
can also occur when a<br />
close friend moves out of<br />
your life, leaving you with<br />
a deep feeling of empti-<br />
an epidural.<br />
“Maybe, if I absolutely<br />
have to, I’ll take a shot of<br />
something short-acting,”<br />
she states roughly 18 times,<br />
but who’s counting? I’m still<br />
trying to keep track of how<br />
many babies she’ll have to<br />
diaper.<br />
No epidural. No epidural.<br />
No epidural. Got it. Maybe a<br />
shot. Maybe. Not sure. More<br />
whirlpool. She is sweating<br />
now and wincing with each<br />
contraction. Her husband<br />
has fi nished his latte, so now<br />
they can get down to business.<br />
We pause now, as I switch<br />
from reporter’s cap (not such<br />
a good look on me, really – I<br />
have a narrow forehead) to<br />
semi-retired nurse’s cap (a<br />
snappy, crisp little number<br />
that was white a few decades<br />
ago) to a mom’s hat (resembling<br />
hair well overdue for<br />
a cut and possibly having<br />
remnants of baby oatmeal in<br />
ness and sadness.<br />
Poets and songwriters<br />
have been writing about<br />
broken hearts for thousands<br />
of years, but when<br />
it’s happening to you, it<br />
can feel like no one else<br />
in the world has ever possibly<br />
felt the same way.<br />
People with broken hearts<br />
can exhibit symptoms of<br />
depression such as:<br />
An inability to<br />
concentrate<br />
A loss of energy<br />
A loss of interest or<br />
pleasure in ordinary<br />
activities<br />
it from God knows when). I<br />
am a huge advocate of natural<br />
childbirth for those who<br />
want it, as I did. It’s amazing<br />
as I look back on times past<br />
and recall how fervently I<br />
advocated for birth decisions<br />
in the name of fullness of experience.<br />
Now, I collapse at a<br />
paper cut. Back then, I was<br />
Mother Bear grunting out<br />
my kids.<br />
But perspectives change.<br />
I’m watching this woman<br />
and her husband, and she is<br />
obviously in a lot of pain. It’s<br />
killing me. Can’t she please<br />
take something, just for her<br />
TV viewers?<br />
She ends up taking a dose<br />
of short-acting something<br />
and then spends the next<br />
few minutes letting us know<br />
the drug’s made her sleepy<br />
but doesn’t help the pain at<br />
all. Now we watch sleepy<br />
wincing. But lo and behold,<br />
mom eventually pushes baby<br />
out, everyone’s happy, and<br />
A decreased (or<br />
increased) appetite<br />
that may lead to weight<br />
loss (or weight gain)<br />
Changes in sleep<br />
(e.g., sleeping more,<br />
waking up early,<br />
insomnia)<br />
Feelings of excessive<br />
guilt, despair, and /or<br />
hopelessness<br />
Diffi culty<br />
remembering things<br />
Recurrent thoughts<br />
of death or suicide<br />
Irritability<br />
Broken heart see page 9<br />
Drugs for this ‘Baby Story.’ Stat!<br />
she can’t wait to get home to<br />
the other two babies, who by<br />
now have been interviewed<br />
and given personality tests<br />
by the camera crew. We<br />
switch to the couple’s home,<br />
where babies laugh, cry, look<br />
at, pull and poke each other,<br />
everything you’d want to see<br />
in Baby 101.<br />
In the last scene, the couple<br />
is interviewed once more,<br />
and they assess their situation.<br />
She still doesn’t want<br />
an epidural. But she says<br />
she’d like to adopt at least<br />
two more babies and have<br />
another one of her own. Dad,<br />
latte in hand, is agreeable to<br />
just one more of each.<br />
I’ve been a labor and delivery<br />
nurse and a psychiatric<br />
nurse, and at this point all I<br />
could advise this couple is:<br />
Take the drugs. Whatever<br />
they will give you. Drive<br />
back to the hospital and take<br />
the drugs.<br />
You’re gonna need them.
<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 9<br />
then healing certain to follow<br />
I believe a broken heart<br />
requires as much care and<br />
ttention as a broken bone<br />
r any other physical ailent.<br />
With time and propr<br />
care, a broken heart will<br />
eal and the life’s lessons<br />
hat will be learned along<br />
he way perhaps will preent<br />
a repeat occurrence.<br />
A wounded heart needs<br />
ime and proper attention<br />
o one’s needs in order for<br />
t to heal. You must bear<br />
he pain, admit it hurts and<br />
llow yourself the time<br />
o work through it. The<br />
reater the loss, the more<br />
ime it will take to heal.<br />
rying is good. It’s a natual<br />
release of the internal<br />
ain that you are feeling.<br />
Other other “bandages” to<br />
help with healing are:<br />
You can treat yourself<br />
gently and be patient<br />
with your fl uctuating<br />
emotions<br />
You can recognize<br />
and accept the pain –<br />
denying it prolongs<br />
it (and who wants<br />
that?)<br />
Take the time you<br />
need to heal<br />
Rest and nurture<br />
yourself – it’s time to<br />
look after No. 1<br />
Accept comfort from<br />
family and friends<br />
Make no major<br />
decisions about<br />
anything during this<br />
time – or at least run<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
them by someone you<br />
trust<br />
Stick to a routine and<br />
keep busy<br />
And what should you<br />
not do during this painful<br />
time?<br />
Don’t panic<br />
Don’t deny yourself<br />
the hurt you are<br />
experiencing<br />
Don’t dwell on the<br />
negatives or isolate<br />
yourself from others<br />
Don’t fall into<br />
relationships on the<br />
rebound (always a<br />
mistake)<br />
Don’t be afraid to ask<br />
for help (counseling if<br />
you don’t have a close<br />
friend to confi de in)<br />
Come be part of our 1st Annual<br />
Greater Portland<br />
Business Expo<br />
Sat. May 15th *10-4 * Wyndam Hotel,<br />
Payne Rd. Sth. Portland<br />
Sure to be a day of networking, learning and FUN! The goal is to bridge<br />
the gap between businesses and the public.<br />
To participate in this event please contact Michelle, at 232-2097 or email<br />
mmoore@bathfi tter.com to reserve your space to promote your<br />
business or services. Or go to www.mainewomensnetwork.com and<br />
click on event registration to the Greater Portland Business Showcase.<br />
<br />
<br />
Don’t take alcohol or<br />
drugs (just adds to the<br />
pain in the long run)<br />
The hardest part of<br />
mending a broken heart<br />
is getting up in the morning<br />
and going through the<br />
day like nothing has happened.<br />
Although you might<br />
feel like isolating yourself,<br />
try not to go through this<br />
painful period alone. Make<br />
sure you surround yourself<br />
with people who love you<br />
and care for you. And surround<br />
yourself with things<br />
that bring you comfort. For<br />
me, cozy pajamas, a down<br />
comforter, romantic movies<br />
(here come those tears)<br />
chocolate (lots and lots of<br />
chocolate) and Rudy, my<br />
Springer Spaniel curled up<br />
beside me and a cat curled<br />
up on my lap often does the<br />
trick. For others, it might<br />
be a favorite CD, a book,<br />
and a cup of hot tea. Try to<br />
focus on what you can do<br />
to make yourself happy.<br />
Above all else, don’t ever<br />
blame yourself. You are not<br />
at fault because someone<br />
else jilted you. It is important<br />
that you retain a sense<br />
of perspective at all times<br />
while your broken heart<br />
is healing. Accept that<br />
the pain will not go away<br />
overnight. Believe in yourself<br />
and the healing will<br />
follow.<br />
when I grow up, I want to be…<br />
Help make the dream a reality!<br />
Start saving for college today.<br />
NextGen is a Section 529 plan administered by FAME. <strong>Me</strong>rrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner & Smith Incorporated, a registered<br />
broker-dealer, member SIPC, is the program manager and underwriter. Before investing you should carefully consider<br />
the investment objectives, charges, expenses and risks of investing in the NextGen Plan. You should also consider<br />
whether your or the designated beneficiary’s home state offers any state tax or other benefits that are only available for<br />
investments in such state’s 529 plan. Request a Program Description from your <strong>Maine</strong> bank or financial advisor, or call<br />
FAME at 1-800-228-3734 and read it carefully.<br />
Open a NextGen account.<br />
Ask your <strong>Maine</strong> bank, financial advisor, or FAME about <strong>Maine</strong> benefits.<br />
1-800-228-3734 or FAMEmaine.com
10 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />
Leslie Bridgers<br />
A staff reporter for the<br />
American Journal in<br />
Westbrook, she is a graduate<br />
of Bowdoin College.<br />
QUARTERLIFE LESSONS<br />
QUARTERLIFE LESSONS<br />
All mothers make mistakes<br />
My mother used to<br />
make me promise<br />
her I’d never<br />
have children.<br />
“They’ll only disappoint<br />
you,” she’d say.<br />
Though I let her know<br />
I took her words more<br />
than a little bit personally,<br />
she insisted she was<br />
only trying to give me<br />
some sound advice – the<br />
kind of thing her mother<br />
never would have done<br />
for her.<br />
I learned early on in<br />
life that the most offensive<br />
thing I could do to<br />
my mother was to suggest<br />
that she was anything<br />
like her own. But<br />
even through my turbu-<br />
lent teens, I used the insult<br />
sparingly – mostly to<br />
make sure it never lost its<br />
razor-sharp edge.<br />
I asked my mom the<br />
other day just what was<br />
so bad about growing up<br />
with my grandma.<br />
Most of her complaints<br />
seemed pretty typical.<br />
She talked about how<br />
she was only allowed to<br />
buy clothes from the discount<br />
store, which was<br />
a source of embarrassment<br />
in school. And how<br />
despite my mother’s distaste<br />
for liver and onions,<br />
it frequently showed up<br />
as her only option on the<br />
dinner table. My grandma,<br />
my mother told me,<br />
was never sympathetic to<br />
her complaints about being<br />
bored.<br />
“Go say the Rosary,”<br />
she’d tell her.<br />
Hearing her gripes made<br />
it apparent how hard my<br />
mother tried not to repeat<br />
the same habits. Though<br />
I always chose comfort<br />
over style when it came<br />
to clothes, she would insist<br />
I update my wardrobe<br />
and take part in the latest<br />
trends. At dinner every<br />
night, there was always<br />
an array of options that<br />
took into account the<br />
particular tastes of my<br />
brothers and me. And I<br />
certainly couldn’t complain<br />
that I was bored as<br />
kid. From sports teams<br />
to music lessons to art<br />
classes, it seemed I was<br />
signed up for everything<br />
imaginable.<br />
But when I think back to<br />
my childhood, those aren’t<br />
the memories that come<br />
to forefront. I think about<br />
the times I wasn’t allowed<br />
to go to sleepovers<br />
because my best friend’s<br />
parents had a woodstove<br />
and my mom thought<br />
the house would burn<br />
down. Or how I couldn’t<br />
go swimming in a lake<br />
because she was scared<br />
I might drown. Or when<br />
she told me not to have<br />
kids because they were<br />
only a disappointment.<br />
The thought of having<br />
children of my own is not<br />
even close to being in the<br />
realm of my reality right<br />
now, but when I do think<br />
about it, I think about<br />
how I careful I would be<br />
not to let my own fears<br />
and insecurities interfere<br />
with my children’s lives,<br />
like my mother did.<br />
But regardless of whether<br />
I don’t repeat her mistakes,<br />
I’m sure I’ll make<br />
a slew of my own. And<br />
that’s the one thing that<br />
makes me think maybe I<br />
shouldn’t have kids at all<br />
– not because they’d disappoint<br />
me, but because I<br />
know I would disappoint<br />
them.
How a Desperate, Overweight Secretary<br />
Got Her NECK FIXED & LOST 50 POUNDS<br />
...She’s Even Got Her Romance Racing!<br />
Blind-Sided by a MIRACLE!<br />
That’s the way Susan saw it—as a real live<br />
miracle—but it started out as a disaster. And it’s<br />
strange how a peaceful afternoon and a few<br />
weeds turned her into the monster.<br />
But the weeds were taking over, and doggone<br />
it, today was the day they met their match. So<br />
Susan went at it pretty hard for a few hours--digging,<br />
yanking and generally showing the weeds<br />
who was boss. She felt powerful and in-charge,<br />
until the next day...when the pain started!<br />
“How a Few Crummy Weeds<br />
Almost RUINED My Life!”<br />
It wasn’t long before her neck and shoulders<br />
started clamping down. At first it seemed like no<br />
big deal...except her neck<br />
kept tightening—like a<br />
vice on the workbench—<br />
until...<br />
? She felt like the tin man<br />
in the Wizard of Oz....<br />
rusted solid after a thunderstorm!<br />
And then it got<br />
worse!<br />
She had NO CLUE where the<br />
PAIN was coming from!<br />
Finally, she couldn’t lift<br />
her arms, turn her head or<br />
have her husband inno-<br />
cently touch her hands—or the pain would shoot<br />
back into her neck like she’d touched an electric<br />
fence!<br />
It forced her to go crawling into her local<br />
HealthSource Chiropractic office, begging<br />
for help. Not only did it hurt, but she didn’t<br />
know where the pain was coming from—her arm<br />
or her neck. And that’s when her doctor<br />
explained:<br />
? ? The MYSTERY of PAIN ? ?<br />
Just by looking at the picture, you’ll know<br />
more than doctors who don’t understand this<br />
common cause of agony. It’s called referred<br />
pain. It’s tricky, likes to hide and comes from:<br />
➤ a pinched nerve in the neck<br />
➤ a muscle squeezing a nerve after it<br />
leaves the neck<br />
➤ 3 specific muscles in front of the neck,<br />
or even...<br />
➤ an arm problem reflexing BACK to the neck!<br />
Or they can gang up on you and come from<br />
ALL of these areas at the same time, which is<br />
why HealthSource Chiropractic docs must<br />
deal with a lot more than your spine. You see,<br />
pain is seldom JUST a spine problem. Wouldn’t<br />
it be great if life were that simple...just a quick<br />
“crack” would fix your neck and everything else,<br />
like waving a magic wand?<br />
HealthSource of Portland West<br />
949 Brighton Ave.<br />
Portland, ME 04102<br />
Phone: (207) 780-1070<br />
But the facts of anatomy show that the muscles<br />
move the spine and the spine affects the nerves.<br />
In other words...<br />
The Knee Bone’s Connected To The Thigh Bone:<br />
Which is Why Many Treatments FAIL!<br />
There’s more to this old saying than meets the<br />
eye, and it’s the reason so many treatments fail:<br />
because they ONLY look at where the pain is—<br />
but the problem may be further away.<br />
“For 5 or 6 years HealthSource has been my savior. You’ve<br />
cured my vertigo and trigger fingers. Helped the pain in my<br />
ankle. My back was so bad I cried and could hardly walk.<br />
HealthSource did decompression, electric stim, exercises and<br />
massage. Your staff is excellent and your office a place of joy.<br />
I’ve sent several patients to you and will continue to recommend<br />
you. LOVE YOU GUYS!” —Mary Smith<br />
“I had back pain with the inability to raise my right leg<br />
more than 1/2˝. I was seen by a neurologist and told my problem<br />
was chronic. At HealthSource, by the time I had the 2nd<br />
adjustment, I was able to lift my leg to a 90° angle when laying<br />
down. I feel much better! Walking is no longer a chore for<br />
me. If HealthSource can help me, I feel that they can help<br />
anyone.” —Nancy E. Hamilton<br />
And just treating the area of pain is as bad as<br />
replacing your new tires when they go bald<br />
quickly. It’s the alignment causing the problem,<br />
not the tires.<br />
Susan Felt Angry at Her Doc’s<br />
INSULTING Question!<br />
In a nutshell, Susan wanted her neck fixed...<br />
period! But her HealthSource doc asked her a<br />
question that kept gnawing at her like a<br />
toothache.<br />
FREE “Yard Work” Neck Screening<br />
with a $10 donation for Easter Seals<br />
Community Service Screening!<br />
Why a FREE Screening? Because frankly, I don’t expect<br />
anyone to believe it’s possible to get better so quickly<br />
and easily...and why should they? So many folks get<br />
their hopes up ...then they’re dashed the next day.<br />
They’ve taken dangerous drugs, had useless therapies<br />
and shots that have only made them worse. I’d feel the<br />
same way. That’s why I’m making it absolutely RISK FREE<br />
to try us out. This is our complete 19-point screening...<br />
notsome scaled-down version. We investigate:<br />
spine • pinched nerves • head posture • neck<br />
trigger points • muscle tightness • joints tendons<br />
range of motion • stuck nerves ligaments<br />
muscle balance<br />
(Even X-rays are included FREE if necessary!<br />
Only valid until 4-16-10.<br />
This offer does not apply to federal insurance<br />
benefi ciaries and ACN participants.<br />
Sure, the neck felt better, but the question was<br />
strange, and she’d never thought about it. Susan<br />
kept mulling it over until she was ready to<br />
explode. The doc asked her, “How committed<br />
are you to your health?”<br />
Susan was indignant, and in agony, yet her<br />
doc was asking goofy questions. After all, wasn’t<br />
it obvious she was committed to her health?<br />
Wasn’t she IN the office?<br />
“I Was a Bold-Faced LIAR!”<br />
Susan thought about it, then finally admitted,<br />
“I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was lying to<br />
myself...AND to my doctor. You see, I wasn’t really<br />
committed to my health. I was overweight, out of<br />
shape, in pain, and couldn’t even pull a few weeds<br />
without totally falling apart!”<br />
Yet despite the odds, that one little question<br />
sparked an amazing turnaround in her life. It<br />
motivated her to start a diet and exercise plan at<br />
Thanksgiving...the worst possible time for exercising<br />
self-control. But she started out very<br />
gradually...<br />
And with guidance and encouragement from<br />
her HealthSource doc, day by day she started to<br />
exercise...just a little at a time. And yes, she had<br />
a few aches and pains along the way, but her doc<br />
took care of those, too. Then there was...<br />
The Romance?<br />
Like many things that start<br />
out bad, her neck problem<br />
was a blessing in disguise,<br />
because soon Susan started<br />
to jog. And her husband Phil<br />
was running, too. Susan<br />
even thought it was romantic...if<br />
you don’t count the<br />
sweat.<br />
Now, many months later, she’s lost 50<br />
pounds, is feeling strong and fit, her neck is<br />
PAIN FREE, and the weeds don’t even bother to<br />
grow ‘cause they know they don’t have a chance<br />
with the monster in town. In fact she’s...<br />
As Fit as a Fiddle—As Thin as a Rail!<br />
But YOU don’t have to be a runner or an<br />
exercise buff to grab the FULL advantage of the<br />
exclusive, HealthSource program called<br />
Progressive Rehab. It’s sweeping the the<br />
country, with a network of over 100 doctors,<br />
therapists, and trainers who share professional<br />
secrets...so patients get better FAST.<br />
“Forget the Knee Surgery...I Just Ran 13 Miles!”<br />
“They told me my knees wouldn’t last...that I’d need a replacement<br />
by the time I hit my twenties. Now I’m 43 and with HealthSource,<br />
and a little help from my friends and husband, I just ran a half<br />
marathon and have my sights set on the full 26 miles next year. If I<br />
can do this, just think what YOU can do even if you only want to be<br />
able to bend over and tie your shoes again!” —Susan Reynolds<br />
We don’t just treat the spine, but use PAIN-<br />
FREE therapies, muscle techniques, specific<br />
spinal adjustments and custom tailored stretching.<br />
Before long we want you to:<br />
<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 11<br />
NECK PAIN? Arms Ache?<br />
Can’t Turn<br />
Your Head<br />
While Driving?<br />
A Healthcare<br />
Romance?<br />
(The Absolute WORST Time to Start a Diet? To Heck with the Experts...see story below)<br />
✔ turn your neck like an owl (MUCH safer in traffic)<br />
✔ look up without grabbing your neck<br />
✔ reach into the cupboard without dropping a plate<br />
✔ fasten your bra...BEHIND your back again!<br />
✔ turn over in bed without jabbing pain<br />
Even if you’re a couch potato, I’ll bet you a<br />
FREE Complimentary Community Service<br />
Screening we can help you with your neck and<br />
arm pain.<br />
DON’T GET HALF FIXED!<br />
One other thing. Besides<br />
treating your muscles,<br />
joints, ligaments, tendons<br />
and spine, HealthSource<br />
doctors are specialists in<br />
tracking down HIDDEN or<br />
referred PAIN! Just like<br />
you see in this picture, the<br />
pain is tricky. It likes to<br />
hide and it takes a specialist to find it.<br />
So take advantage of our limited time offer and<br />
join Susan...we’ll help you change your life!<br />
“I Felt Immediate Relief!”<br />
“I had chronic pain in my lower back. After standing<br />
for about 5 minutes my left leg would go numb. I tried<br />
over the counter medications and exercises, but stopped<br />
when symptoms returned of doing simple tasks like<br />
mowing the yard. HealthSource and I chose a course of<br />
treatment that best suited my situation. We set up a<br />
treatment schedule and I had my first adjustment and<br />
felt immediate relief. With each visit I feel better.<br />
HealthSource has given me back a positive attitude. I<br />
have already recommended HealthSource to several<br />
friends and family members. I am extremely pleased<br />
with my results.” —Michael J. Balog<br />
Patients took great care in strictly following the<br />
treatment program prescribed.<br />
The<br />
PROBLEM<br />
is here...<br />
...but the<br />
PAIN is<br />
here!<br />
Community Service Screening<br />
with a $10 donation for Easter Seals<br />
“A great way to fi nd out about your pain...”<br />
Whether or not you feel pain right now,<br />
let our team of doctors fi nd out for sure with<br />
a 19-point, detailed service screening.<br />
THERE’S NO OTHER OBLIGATION.<br />
Just call us and you’re guaranteed to get in today!<br />
Once we track down your pain, we’ll work on getting<br />
you back to doing the things you love – FAST!<br />
We’re not promising a cure or claiming to be superior,<br />
we simply like to believe that our clinic is built<br />
on helping people feel better.<br />
Make your appointment TODAY!<br />
P.S. It’s Time to STOP wondering “What If,”<br />
and time to START putting the confi dence back<br />
in your body and your life.<br />
There’s ABSOLUTELY nothing to lose.<br />
CALL RIGHT NOW!<br />
P.P.S. Be one of the fi rst 7 people to call<br />
and receive a relaxing 1/4-hour massage.<br />
Start on your road towards recover today!<br />
HealthSource of Portland North<br />
1321 Washington Ave. Ste 212<br />
Portland, ME 04103<br />
Phone: (207) 878-3030<br />
This offer does not apply to federal insurance beneficiaries and ACN participants.
12 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />
<br />
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Beds • Bookcase Beds • Windsor Beds • Storage Beds<br />
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Linda Hersey<br />
Linda Hersey is a<br />
freelance writer.<br />
Gold Star Mother<br />
Nancy Lee Kelley<br />
made a special<br />
point to save as<br />
keepsakes the photos<br />
and letters her son, Capt.<br />
Christopher Scott Cash,<br />
sent home from Iraq.<br />
But the mementos she<br />
collected in scrapbooks<br />
to present to him when<br />
his tour of duty ended<br />
are now Kelley’s fi nal<br />
and most tangible memories<br />
of her son.<br />
Cash was killed in battle<br />
on June 24, 2004, in<br />
Baqubah, Iraq.<br />
The day before Cash<br />
died, he had e-mailed<br />
Kelley a photo that<br />
showed him standing<br />
with some Iraqi children<br />
in front of their school.<br />
He looked happy and<br />
well.<br />
Kelley, 62, refers to<br />
the photo and her son’s<br />
dedication to military<br />
service, when speaking<br />
before groups as a Gold<br />
Star Mother. The term<br />
refers to American women<br />
whose military sons<br />
and daughters lost their<br />
lives in the line of duty.<br />
Cash died while leading<br />
soldiers in battle; he had<br />
served 18 years in the<br />
Army, most recently in<br />
the North Carolina National<br />
Guard.<br />
American Gold Star<br />
Mothers also is the name<br />
of a historic national organization,<br />
dating back<br />
to World War I, that recognizes<br />
and provides<br />
support for women grieving<br />
the loss of children<br />
who died while serving<br />
in the Armed Forces.<br />
Kelley is chaplain of the<br />
<strong>Maine</strong> chapter of Gold<br />
Star Mothers. Although<br />
she says it has been an<br />
honor to serve in the<br />
nonprofi t service organization,<br />
she said that<br />
she hopes none of her<br />
friends or relatives ever<br />
has reason to join.<br />
“It’s a sad organization<br />
to belong to but it also is<br />
a wonderful support system,”<br />
said Kelley, of Old<br />
Orchard Beach. “We are<br />
able to honor our sons<br />
and daughters. I do a lot<br />
of speaking on behalf of<br />
my son.”<br />
This photo of Capt. Christopher Scott Cash with Iraqi school children was taken<br />
the day before his death in Iraq, according to his mother, Nancy Lee Kelley, a<br />
Gold Star Mother. Courtesy photo
honors son’s sacrifi ce<br />
A Closer Look<br />
For more information<br />
on American Gold<br />
Star Mothers, see<br />
www.goldstarmoms.<br />
com/index.htm.<br />
For information on<br />
Run for Cash 5k<br />
<strong>Me</strong>mory Race, see<br />
www.runforcash.org.<br />
Kelley said that she<br />
and her husband, Robert<br />
– who is Cash’s stepfather<br />
– have dedicated<br />
a lot of their lives since<br />
2004 to volunteer work<br />
on behalf of Cash.<br />
“My husband describes<br />
Chris an ‘all American<br />
kid.’ He was a moral<br />
person and a positive<br />
thinker.”<br />
Kelley said that she<br />
hopes her volunteerism<br />
refl ects the spirit and<br />
character of her son, a<br />
strong advocate of education<br />
and military service.<br />
On April 25, Kelley is<br />
scheduled to speak at the<br />
3rd Annual Spring Ride<br />
for the Troops, hosted<br />
by the Veterans of Foreign<br />
Wars Post 6977 of<br />
York. It is sponsored by<br />
the Patriot Riders of New<br />
England.<br />
Nancy and Robert also<br />
organize Hugs of Love<br />
– Remember Our Troops<br />
Support Group, a nonprofi<br />
t group that holds<br />
special fl ag ceremonies<br />
and helps schoolchildren<br />
send “we care” packages<br />
to soldiers.<br />
In 2005, they started<br />
Run for Cash, an annual<br />
5k-race and fun run in<br />
Old Orchard Beach that<br />
raises college scholarship<br />
money in memory<br />
of their son.<br />
This year’s race is on<br />
June 26, close to the aniversary<br />
of his death. It<br />
ncludes a breakfast at<br />
ld Orchard Beach High<br />
Nancy Lee Kelley, shown marching in this undated<br />
fi le photo, is chaplain of the <strong>Maine</strong> chapter of Gold<br />
Star Mothers, an organization she hopes none of<br />
her friends or relatives ever has reason to join.<br />
“It’s a sad organization to belong to but it also is a<br />
wonderful support system,” she says. File photo<br />
School.<br />
The Kelleys so far have<br />
given away $14,500 in<br />
scholarships to high<br />
school seniors in Old<br />
Orchard Beach and at<br />
Thornton Academy.<br />
If the race continues<br />
to grow, Kelley hopes<br />
to expand the scholarship<br />
program to include<br />
Biddeford students, since<br />
her son had many friends<br />
from the neighboring<br />
community.<br />
One of the participants<br />
has been Army<br />
Capt. Andrew Roberts of<br />
New York, who served<br />
with Cash and fi lled his<br />
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14 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />
Gold Star from page 13 be abducted or events murky in the<br />
post after his death. Roberts<br />
shared with Kelley some of<br />
his fi nal memories of her son.<br />
Kelley says she feels blessed<br />
to know the circumstances<br />
of her son’s death, which<br />
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does not always happen for<br />
parents and relatives whose<br />
loved ones served in foreign<br />
countries. The soldiers may<br />
chaos of battle.<br />
Kelley even has an artist’s depiction<br />
of the Battle of Baqubah, where<br />
her son died. The large, framed print<br />
hangs on her living room wall.<br />
Artist Don Stivers recreates war<br />
battles from the confl icts in Iraq<br />
and Afghanistan. Kelley said it took<br />
her a long time to decide whether<br />
to display the painting. But after<br />
talking with her two grandsons,<br />
she felt certain that her son would<br />
want her to show the painting. She<br />
says that it honors his service and<br />
the sacrifi ce he made for his country.<br />
“My husband said, ‘Why no, Nancy?<br />
We are so proud of Chris. This<br />
is nothing to be ashamed of. He<br />
was fi ghting a battle and protecting<br />
his men.’”<br />
Kelley said that Cash was ordering<br />
soldiers to take cover when he<br />
was killed by two bullets to the<br />
head.<br />
The title of the artwork is “Old<br />
Hickory at Baqubah,” referring to<br />
the nickname of Cash’s unit, which<br />
was out of Jacksonville, N.C., where<br />
he lived with his wife and two sons.<br />
Cash grew up in Old Orchard Beach<br />
but later moved south after joining<br />
the military.<br />
A 1985 Old Orchard Beach High<br />
School graduate, Cash was raised<br />
in the two-story red house on Cascade<br />
Road where Nancy and Robert<br />
still live.<br />
It is the same house where two<br />
military offi cers arrived late on<br />
June 24, 2004, to inform Nancy Lee<br />
and Robert Kelley that 36-year-old<br />
Christopher Scott Cash had died in<br />
battle that morning. Kelley said she<br />
felt confused and then numbed by<br />
the news.<br />
She did not join Gold Star Mothers<br />
immediately, and there was no<br />
pressure for her to be a member.<br />
But the group was there for Kelley<br />
when she felt it was time to move<br />
on and show the same courage and<br />
strength that her son displayed.<br />
“I loved Chris more than life itself,”<br />
Kelley said. “He lived his life<br />
in the most positive way. Everyone<br />
who knew him said that.<br />
“He was not out there to set the<br />
world on fi re. He just tried to do the<br />
right thing. A mom could not ask for<br />
anything more.”
Mother-daughter relationships<br />
can be tricky,<br />
but mother-in-law/<br />
daughter-in-law relationships<br />
can be downright<br />
disastrous – or so<br />
it would seem, given the<br />
stereotypical image (the<br />
fi lm “Monster-in-Law”<br />
and a Web site called<br />
motherinlawhell.com<br />
being good examples).<br />
But Julie Donovan<br />
considers herself twice<br />
blessed, having enjoyed<br />
a positive relationship as<br />
a child with the mother<br />
of the man she eventually<br />
married, and later, a<br />
second positive relationship<br />
with her husband’s<br />
stepmother.<br />
She still remembers the<br />
day Patty Donovan died<br />
at the age of 50, in 1973,<br />
leaving nine kids between<br />
the ages of 18 and<br />
6. Julie, 16 at the time,<br />
was best friends with<br />
one of Patty’s daughters,<br />
Annie. The two girls had<br />
spent many summers<br />
playing together on the<br />
beaches of Long Island<br />
in Casco Bay.<br />
Julie and her family,<br />
the Doughtys, lived<br />
year-round on the island,<br />
while Annie and<br />
her family spent summers<br />
there. Julie has<br />
fond memories of going<br />
to Annie’s house.<br />
“There were always<br />
kids coming and going,”<br />
she said. At mealtime,<br />
whoever was there got<br />
fed.<br />
Born on St. Patrick’s<br />
Day, Patty Barron Donovan<br />
had grown up on<br />
the Eastern Promenade<br />
in Portland and began<br />
coming to the island as<br />
a child. She married Joseph<br />
“Dick” Donovan and<br />
they settled in Connecticut.<br />
Deeply religious, she<br />
attended Saturday Mass<br />
at the tiny island church,<br />
Star of the Sea. She always<br />
wanted to know<br />
where her kids were going<br />
and what they were<br />
doing, but, Julie said, she<br />
gave them lots of freedom.<br />
When the boys got<br />
older, she let them set<br />
up a tent next to the cottage,<br />
with one rule: “No<br />
girls in the tent.”<br />
As Julie recalled, Patty<br />
would sit in her kitchen<br />
singing Irish songs and<br />
saying her Rosary, and<br />
would announce, “I’m<br />
praying for everyone<br />
on the island.” Her faith<br />
in God was followed<br />
closely by her faith in the<br />
lottery. “When my ship<br />
comes in, I’m buying all<br />
of you something you<br />
want,” she would say.<br />
Patty’s sudden death<br />
from a stroke in 1983<br />
left Annie and the older<br />
Donovan children helping<br />
one another, and<br />
their father, through<br />
their grief. Julie and Annie<br />
continued their close<br />
friendship into their late<br />
teens, when Julie began<br />
dating Annie’s brother,<br />
Tony. Married in 1983,<br />
Julie and Tony went on<br />
to have their own family,<br />
settling in Portland and<br />
raising two daughters,<br />
Laura Jane and Allie<br />
While Julie says it<br />
would have been a joy<br />
to have had Patty as a<br />
mother-in-law, Tony’s<br />
father’s second marriage<br />
brought another loving<br />
relationship into her life.<br />
Three years after Patty’s<br />
death, Dick Donovan<br />
married Mary Quinlan,<br />
who had been left alone<br />
with three young daughters<br />
after her husband<br />
died of cancer.<br />
<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 15<br />
Holiday to honor moms made offi cial in 1914<br />
Every May women<br />
around the world are<br />
celebrated for their sacrifi<br />
ces and contributions<br />
to the family. With all<br />
that Mom does for her<br />
children, it would seem<br />
like the concept of honoring<br />
her would be ages<br />
old. However, it really<br />
wasn’t until relatively<br />
recently that a celebration<br />
of mothers was instituted.<br />
In ancient Greece individuals<br />
honored Rhea,<br />
mother of the gods.<br />
Christians also celebrat-<br />
ed Mary the mother of<br />
God. But it wasn’t until<br />
the 1900s before the<br />
general mothering population<br />
was celebrated<br />
in earnest.<br />
Ann Marie Reeves<br />
Jarvis was a young Appalachian<br />
homemaker<br />
who, beginning in 1858,<br />
attempted to improve<br />
sanitation and nursing<br />
procedures through<br />
women’s clubs and<br />
what she called “Mothers<br />
Friendship Day.” It<br />
wasn’t Anne Marie, but<br />
rather her daughter, Ann<br />
Jarvis, who created the<br />
Mother’s Day that we<br />
celebrate today.<br />
Anna spent many<br />
years caring for her aging<br />
and ailing mother.<br />
Anne Marie died on<br />
May 9, 1905, and Anna<br />
missed her terribly.<br />
Anna noticed that many<br />
children failed to respect<br />
and honor their mothers<br />
while they were alive,<br />
and it wasn’t until after<br />
they died that these children<br />
recognized what<br />
they had lost in their<br />
parent. She intended to<br />
Loving her mother-in-law – no joke<br />
Julie Donovan, above, is<br />
very close to her motherin-law,<br />
Mary Donovan, top<br />
photo. Courtesy photos<br />
start a Mother’s Day to<br />
honor mothers.<br />
In 1907, Anna Jarvis<br />
attempted to establish<br />
Mother’s Day to<br />
“honor mothers, living<br />
and dead.” She started<br />
the campaign to establish<br />
a national Mother’s<br />
Day. Together with her<br />
friends, Jarvis started a<br />
letter-writing campaign<br />
to urge ministers, businessmen<br />
and congressmen<br />
to declare a national<br />
Mother’s Day holiday.<br />
Her efforts paid off.<br />
The fi rst Mother’s Day<br />
was celebrated on May<br />
10, 1908 and honored<br />
the late Anne Marie<br />
Reeves Jarvis. After this<br />
initial celebration, Mother’s<br />
Day caught on. The<br />
Mother’s Day International<br />
Association was<br />
established on Dec. 12,<br />
1912, to promote and encourage<br />
meaningful observances<br />
of the event.<br />
And on May 9, 1914, a<br />
presidential proclamation<br />
declared that every<br />
year the second Sunday<br />
in May would be observed<br />
as Mother’s Day.<br />
In the ensuing years,<br />
Julie saw Mary Donovan<br />
bring the two households<br />
together, always<br />
gracious, always welcoming.<br />
She grew to<br />
love Dick’s children, and<br />
later his children’s children,<br />
as well as her own<br />
children and grandchildren.<br />
In later years,<br />
Dick’s health declined,<br />
and he died in 1989 of a<br />
heart attack.<br />
Julie remembers a conversation<br />
her friend (and<br />
sister-in-law) Annie had<br />
with Mary after her father<br />
died. Annie was<br />
around 48 at the time.<br />
“You were my age<br />
when you got married,”<br />
she told Mary, “and I<br />
wonder, would I have<br />
wanted to take on all<br />
those kids?”<br />
Mary’s answer was:<br />
“When you love someone<br />
enough, you do.”<br />
Mary Donovan, who<br />
was 81 in February, stays<br />
in touch with nine children,<br />
22 grandchildren<br />
and six great-grandchildren.<br />
She continues to<br />
live alone in her home in<br />
Bristol.<br />
Paula Gibbs<br />
Paula Gibbs is an editor<br />
and writer, and president<br />
of the <strong>Maine</strong> Press<br />
Association. She lives in<br />
Harrison.
16 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />
Yoga Mom pushing Soccer Mom to sidelines<br />
Many women are trading<br />
in their team jerseys for<br />
yoga mats. The busy soccer<br />
mom has transformed<br />
into the calm and ethereal<br />
yoga mom who is more<br />
interested in a stress-free<br />
life than racing around to<br />
sports practices.<br />
For a long time the stereotypical<br />
image of a<br />
mom was a minivan-driving,<br />
white, 40-something<br />
picking up Timmy from<br />
sports practice and Jenny<br />
from cheerleading. Her<br />
fast-paced lifestyle had<br />
her racing between kids’<br />
engagements to home to<br />
other social obligations<br />
in a harried, time-pressed<br />
manner.<br />
But today you’re more<br />
likely to see mom practicing<br />
her asanas instead<br />
of toting clipboards and<br />
team snacks. She’s scooting<br />
around in her Toyota<br />
Prius instead of the Dodge<br />
Caravan and is more<br />
about living in the mo-<br />
ment than over-programming<br />
children with music<br />
lessons and enrichment<br />
classes.<br />
Today’s moms are more<br />
free-spirited and learn-asyou-go<br />
types. They don’t<br />
strive for the same goals<br />
as their mothers before<br />
them. Instead of keeping<br />
up with the Joneses and<br />
striving for perfection, the<br />
Yoga Mom or Eco Mom is<br />
customizing her life the<br />
way she sees fi t.<br />
So what else is different<br />
about women of the Yoga<br />
Mom mind set? A lot, actually.<br />
Today’s moms live<br />
further from their baby<br />
boomer parents, and<br />
aren’t as infl uenced by<br />
their go-getter attitudes.<br />
As such, Eco Moms are<br />
more community-based<br />
and interested in being<br />
everyone’s friends. That’s<br />
why you’re more likely to<br />
fi nd Yoga Moms blogging,<br />
heading grassroots cam-<br />
paigns and seeking new<br />
friends on social networking<br />
sites. Yoga moms are<br />
more about spreading the<br />
word on ways to improve<br />
the community and planet<br />
than receiving the gossip<br />
on how to get ahead or<br />
the best recipe to bring to<br />
the offi ce potluck.<br />
Many Yoga moms saw<br />
their own mothers struggle<br />
with the work-family<br />
balance with little success.<br />
New moms are more<br />
about embracing what’s<br />
real and meaningful than<br />
being caught up in the rat<br />
race.<br />
That isn’t to say today’s<br />
moms are sitting on the<br />
couch catching up with<br />
daytime programming.<br />
They are certainly educated,<br />
successful women.<br />
They’re simply putting<br />
their needs on par with<br />
the needs of their family<br />
and feeling better about<br />
themselves in the process.<br />
Mothers by the numbers<br />
82.8<br />
80<br />
25<br />
4<br />
8<br />
5.3<br />
4.0<br />
1 in 32<br />
Estimated U.S. mothers,<br />
in millions, as of 2004.<br />
Percentage of women 40 to 44<br />
who were mothers in 2006.<br />
Average age of women giving birth<br />
for the fi rst time.<br />
The number of the most common<br />
day of the week (Wednesday)<br />
for births to take place.<br />
The number of the most common<br />
month of the year (August) for births<br />
to take place.<br />
Number of stay-at-home moms,<br />
in millions, in the United States.<br />
Number of moms, in millions, who<br />
give birth each year.<br />
Chance of a mother<br />
giving birth to twins.
THE ESSAY<br />
Childless by choice, and few regrets<br />
People don’t like<br />
sad news, unpleasant<br />
facts. Perhaps<br />
hat’s why few have ever<br />
sked me why I don’t<br />
ave children. They<br />
robably assume I have<br />
nfortunate infertility<br />
roblems or that I never<br />
ad a boyfriend. But the<br />
ast and easy answer to<br />
heir unasked question<br />
s – I never wanted any.<br />
ut how could such an<br />
mportant part of life be<br />
hat simple or easy? It<br />
sn’t and it is.<br />
Perhaps the seed of<br />
y unconventional deision<br />
was sowed when<br />
babysat as a young<br />
een. I remember what<br />
eemed like then as endess<br />
nights, waiting for<br />
he parents to return to<br />
ree me from the borng<br />
burden of their surly<br />
ids. I didn’t want to play<br />
ith them. I didn’t want<br />
o talk to them. I wanted<br />
o read my book.<br />
I did worry about a fi re<br />
n the house while I was<br />
here, about the kid stabing<br />
him/herself with<br />
ome scissors, or geting<br />
lost while playing<br />
utside. (Why then, did<br />
he doctor and his wife<br />
lways fi nd me sleeping<br />
eacefully on the couch<br />
hen they came home?<br />
hankfully for all paries,<br />
I didn’t babysit that<br />
ften.) I never bonded<br />
ith any of the kids – I<br />
atched them, took care<br />
f them, because it was<br />
y job.<br />
In the 1960s and beore,<br />
pregnancy for a<br />
irl in high school was<br />
ot so accepted as it is<br />
oday. Then, the stigma<br />
urrounding unwed teen<br />
others was so great<br />
hat any girl who found<br />
erself in that situation<br />
eft school immediately,<br />
arely to return. Having<br />
the child and giving it up<br />
was one option. Having<br />
the child and keeping it<br />
was the other. Neither<br />
would have been acceptable<br />
to me at that time.<br />
The futures of those<br />
girls were changed forever.<br />
How would they<br />
get along without fi nishing<br />
high school? Would<br />
they ever be able to go to<br />
college? Did the fathers<br />
stick around? What if<br />
those shotgun marriages<br />
were without love? Thus,<br />
I learned at a tender age<br />
to consider pregnancy as<br />
a fearful thing that ruined<br />
lives, not as a lifestyle<br />
option. The negative<br />
association stuck.<br />
The idea that I could<br />
choose to never have<br />
children took root as I<br />
negotiated the diffi cult<br />
waters of relationships<br />
in the age of “free love.”<br />
Ha – that phrase was<br />
certainly not true. There<br />
was nothing free about<br />
it. I feared the shoals of<br />
bondage, both to a conventional<br />
life and to the<br />
overwhelming sense of<br />
responsibility that I would<br />
feel toward a child if I<br />
had to be a 100 percent<br />
mother. I saw so much<br />
divorce, I fi gured the<br />
odds were that I’d end up<br />
a single mother. I wanted<br />
to be free, and knew<br />
if I did not honor that, I<br />
would become an embittered<br />
woman, resentful<br />
of her children.<br />
Seeing a lot of bad parents<br />
and seriously distressed<br />
kids also reassured<br />
me that becoming<br />
a parent was something<br />
one should take seriously.<br />
In my heart I knew<br />
that, to have children, I<br />
needed to fi nd someone<br />
who would fully share<br />
the responsibility, be<br />
more than a 20 percent<br />
dad. He needed to know<br />
that little Johnny needed<br />
changing, and do it<br />
without me having to tell<br />
him. I never found that<br />
person until it was too<br />
late to start a family.<br />
Perhaps the fact that my<br />
sister married young and<br />
started her family while I<br />
was just leaving for college,<br />
but for whatever<br />
reason, I was blessed<br />
that I had parents who<br />
accepted my sometimesodd<br />
life choices and never<br />
pressured me to have<br />
kids. Perhaps others<br />
around me also recognized<br />
that I was headed<br />
for a life different from<br />
that of my parents and<br />
peers. My having children<br />
was never a topic<br />
of conversation.<br />
I made the decision not<br />
to have children when<br />
I began a serious relationship<br />
in my 30s with<br />
someone who did not<br />
want them, either. What<br />
a relief. I didn’t have to<br />
explain myself anymore,<br />
or feel like a freak. Even<br />
once the relationship<br />
ended, I still felt comfortable<br />
with my lifestyle,<br />
even though some<br />
people I met who were<br />
parents used to look at<br />
me with a mixture of<br />
distain, sympathy and<br />
jealousy. I, the childless<br />
30-something, going off<br />
on trips, spending hours<br />
reading quietly, spending<br />
hours alone.<br />
Yet as the years went<br />
by, and I approached the<br />
age of no return, I would<br />
wonder: Was I making<br />
a mistake? Each time I<br />
checked, I saw that the<br />
conditions I needed to<br />
be a mother were still<br />
not there. And I was<br />
terrifi ed of screwing up<br />
some innocent kid’s life<br />
because I was so ambivalent.<br />
I am grateful that I<br />
have had the time, the<br />
focus and the energy to<br />
put into two different careers,<br />
countless friends,<br />
decades of international<br />
travel (including long<br />
summers in Greece) and<br />
my later-in-life marriage.<br />
I was able to spend many<br />
evenings at the theater<br />
as a critic, and as many<br />
longer nights writing<br />
up those reviews, then<br />
driving home at 1 in the<br />
morning. I could go off<br />
to conferences, try some<br />
travel writing, have adventures<br />
without worrying<br />
about having to get<br />
home.<br />
And now we come to<br />
the crux of it: Sure, I’ve<br />
had a wonderful life with<br />
the freedom to do what I<br />
wanted, to take risks, to<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />
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<br />
<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 17<br />
follow a non-traditional<br />
path. But there has been<br />
a price. I don’t have kids.<br />
I never knew the joy of<br />
creating a new life. I<br />
don’t have the comfort<br />
of knowing my unique<br />
gene pool will continue.<br />
There’s no one to count<br />
on to be there for me in<br />
my old age.<br />
It was good that I<br />
didn’t have the total responsibility<br />
for a baby. It<br />
was bad I didn’t have the<br />
total responsibility for a<br />
baby. What an awesome<br />
experience it must be.<br />
So, each choice – to become<br />
a parent or to not<br />
– has a price. It’s up to<br />
each woman to decide<br />
which of the two options<br />
make sense for her.<br />
I know I made the right<br />
decision for myself.<br />
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18 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />
<strong>Me</strong>l Howards<br />
A Northeastern University emeritus<br />
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BOOK REVIEW<br />
Fearless and ingenious,<br />
these women held their own<br />
No matter what you<br />
know about the role<br />
of women in the<br />
Revolutionary War, prepare<br />
to discard it when you read<br />
“Founding Mothers: The<br />
<strong>Women</strong> Who Raised Our<br />
Nation,” which is overfl owing<br />
with information about<br />
some of the outstanding<br />
women who fought the war<br />
in so many different ways.<br />
As Washington wrote in<br />
a letter to Annis Stockton<br />
after he left the presidency:<br />
“For indeed, I think you ladies<br />
are in the number of<br />
the best patriots America<br />
can boast.” His wife, Martha,<br />
was one of the most<br />
engaged in helping the soldiers<br />
and their families, often<br />
at great risk to herself.<br />
We all know something,<br />
not nearly enough, about<br />
Abigail Adams and Dolly<br />
Madison and Martha Washington,<br />
but may not know<br />
about Sally Jay or the lively,<br />
fl irtatious Kitty Greene, or<br />
about the women spies, or<br />
the women who repelled<br />
rampaging British soldiers,<br />
or the woman who burned<br />
New York City to protect<br />
Washington, and more. The<br />
book – an appropriate read<br />
to acknowledge Mother’s<br />
Day – details the relationships<br />
among all of the wellknown<br />
Revolutionary War<br />
men and the women they<br />
married or loved, overtly or<br />
covertly. The historical context<br />
is lush with accounts of<br />
the battles, on and off the<br />
fi eld, and with diplomatic efforts<br />
as well as the some of<br />
the despicable betrayals.<br />
In all of this intrigue and<br />
death and confusion, there<br />
appeared a beacon of sanity<br />
and determination fueled<br />
by some of the bravest,<br />
most intelligent, most loyal<br />
“Founding Mothers: The <strong>Women</strong> Who Raised Our Nation,”<br />
by Cokie Roberts. Published by Harper Collins<br />
women you have ever met.<br />
Most of the women were left<br />
to care for children and the<br />
property for long periods<br />
of time while their famous<br />
husbands were off to war<br />
or on a diplomatic mission.<br />
Mail took months, so that<br />
uncertainty and impending<br />
dread hung over most<br />
households. Some women<br />
and their children were able<br />
to follow their husbands to<br />
areas near the battlefi elds to<br />
attend parties during winter<br />
breaks from battle. Also attending<br />
were some of the<br />
camp followers, looking for<br />
husbands among the offi -<br />
cers. But many women did<br />
not go out for fear that the<br />
British would destroy their<br />
homes and property, or for<br />
fear of rape or of Indian attacks.<br />
They made do with<br />
the barest minimum of food<br />
and security, maintaining<br />
their families with ingenuity<br />
and fearlessness.<br />
Deborah Franklin was the<br />
most devastated, the most<br />
rudely treated wife of all.<br />
Ben was gone for 16 of the<br />
last 17 years of their married<br />
life, gaining a reputation<br />
politically and as a<br />
rake. She remained deeply<br />
in love with him and faithful<br />
until she could take no<br />
more. Late in her life she<br />
gave up hope of ever having<br />
him home. She died as she<br />
had lived for so long: alone<br />
and unloved.<br />
The women were very<br />
well-informed about the<br />
politics of the years just before<br />
the war, during the war,<br />
and just after. They were involved<br />
every step of the way<br />
and tolerated unbearable<br />
losses but remained loyal<br />
supporters of the cause, encouraging<br />
their husbands<br />
and sons to persevere in the<br />
struggle for freedom from<br />
British control no matter the<br />
sacrifi ces they were suffering<br />
and would continue to<br />
suffer. Such love and sacrifi<br />
ce have rarely, if ever, been<br />
matched.<br />
The letters are a vivid a<br />
portrayal of their daily lives<br />
amid the chaos and terror<br />
of war that was right on<br />
their doorsteps, literally and<br />
fi guratively. Roberts, from a<br />
political family herself, does<br />
justice to the period and to<br />
the men and women who<br />
made the country free, but<br />
she does occasionally snipe<br />
a bit by adding a short snide<br />
comment that bespeaks her<br />
own feminism. This is minimal<br />
and does not affect the<br />
overall effect of the stories<br />
she is telling so dramatically.<br />
<strong>Women</strong> of all ages should<br />
read this book to learn a<br />
more complete account<br />
of the roles these women<br />
played in a time of such<br />
danger and brutality, long<br />
before women were given<br />
the respect they deserved<br />
by the men they supported.<br />
They did not wait for independence,<br />
they helped to<br />
create it. If there had been<br />
a Nobel Prize then, these<br />
women would have earned<br />
it, many times over.
THE LONG VIEW<br />
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<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 19<br />
Laura Bush wins new admirers Nancy Grape<br />
Laura Bush is out and about and<br />
aglow. Since leaving the White<br />
House, the former fi rst lady has<br />
ound her spot – and her spotlight. The<br />
rst, she says, comes in expanded private<br />
ime with her twin daughters, 28-year-old<br />
arbara and Jenna. The second shines on<br />
he lecture circuit, where her call for more<br />
nd better opportunities for women is met<br />
ith standing ovations.<br />
It’s an odd turn of career, you might<br />
hink, for a school teacher and libraran<br />
who moved seamlessly into life as a<br />
ealthy Texas mother, homemaker and<br />
olitical wife. But an hour or two in her<br />
ompany makes clear that no fi nishing<br />
chool in the world polishes a woman into<br />
public fi gure the way eight years in the<br />
hite House “bubble” can do. Bush may<br />
ave begun her career as a reticent libraran,<br />
but, at age 63, she’s a sleek, self-asured,<br />
well-dressed and well-coiffed fi gre,<br />
at ease with overfl owing audiences.<br />
I saw and heard Bush recently at a colege<br />
campus where she was speaking. So,<br />
ow is she doing?<br />
“I’m having a lot of fun with my adult<br />
aughters,” she said, drawing indulgent<br />
miles from her audience.<br />
It’s diffi cult not to smile at Laura Bush<br />
hen she’s addressing a large crowd. First<br />
ff, she’s good at it. She is a warm fi gure<br />
nd she invites her audience to like her.<br />
tanding at a microphone in a red suit that<br />
aressed her slim fi gure, with gleaming<br />
air, sculpted cheekbones and a radiating<br />
mile, she grew quickly at ease with the<br />
arge crowd.<br />
“When you think about all the things<br />
hat have been said about her husband, it<br />
ust be pretty tough on her,” an 81-yearld-woman<br />
sitting near me whispered to<br />
er companion. Bush herself took a more<br />
ocking tone. “I’d like to report that now<br />
hat we’re back in our house in Dallas I’d<br />
ike to say things are back to normal. But<br />
’m not sure I remember what ‘normal’ is,”<br />
he said.<br />
Looking at George W. Bush’s term from<br />
he other end, she characterized the “harowing<br />
transition” her family made in<br />
oving into the White House. True, she<br />
eclared, they had “moved into a house<br />
hat we knew very well” for four years<br />
when it was home to her inlaws,<br />
Barbara and George H.W.<br />
Bush. But nothing, she emphasized,<br />
“could have prepared us<br />
for the awesome responsibility<br />
of living there.”<br />
The Bush clan would certainly<br />
try. Laura Bush recalled that she<br />
had taken comfort in the presence<br />
of 23 family members in<br />
the White House on Inauguration<br />
Night.<br />
There was comfort, too, in the<br />
timing of that term’s beginning.<br />
Despite many problems in the<br />
world, Bush recalled, “global<br />
terrorism had yet to emerge as<br />
a threat to our country.”<br />
When terrorism did strike<br />
forcefully – destroying New<br />
York City’s World Trade Center<br />
in 2001 – the fi rst lady watched<br />
with the rest of us, on television.<br />
In the aftermath, she revealed,<br />
she was taken to a “safe haven”<br />
below the White House “that<br />
looks like something decorated<br />
in the Nixon era. And like all of<br />
you,” she told her solemn audience,<br />
“we woke up on Sept.12 to<br />
a different reality.”<br />
It’s a reality with new and<br />
challenging roles for women,<br />
Bush said.<br />
“I believe that women are a vital<br />
force for social change,” she<br />
declared. “I believe that it’s important<br />
the United States stand<br />
with women who are speaking<br />
out and compelling change.”<br />
In Afghanistan the need to<br />
support women is particularly<br />
vital, she indicated. “Even with<br />
the progress, much work remains,”<br />
she said, emphasizing,<br />
“This is our only chance. If we<br />
don’t make it this time, there<br />
won’t be another.”<br />
Laura Bush does not step before<br />
microphones and overfl ow<br />
crowds to criticize her husband’s<br />
presidency. She speaks<br />
to support his actions, his heritage<br />
and what she believes the<br />
future may hold. As a result, individuals<br />
listened and left with<br />
their opinions about the Bush<br />
years – pro or con – pretty much<br />
intact.<br />
As for personal honors she<br />
values, Laura Bush summed<br />
up, “The greatest honor of being<br />
fi rst lady was being able every<br />
day to watch not only my husband<br />
but every American stand<br />
up to fear.”<br />
Agree with her or not, she’s a<br />
gutsy lady, this part-time <strong>Maine</strong>r,<br />
Laura Bush.<br />
Nancy Grape served for<br />
16 years as an editorial<br />
writer and member of<br />
the editorial board for the<br />
Portland Press Herald and<br />
<strong>Maine</strong> Sunday Telegram.<br />
Her column commenting<br />
on state and national<br />
affairs for the Telegram<br />
ran for 25 years.<br />
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20 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />
Joanne Lannin<br />
A daily newspaper reporter for many<br />
years, she is now well into her second<br />
areer, English teacher at Bonny Eagle<br />
High School.<br />
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TABLE TALK<br />
What cooks do chefs admire<br />
With six boys and a<br />
husband to feed,<br />
Jacqueline Marie<br />
Tranchemontagne of Sanford<br />
always had something<br />
cooking on the stove. At least<br />
that’s how her chef-son James<br />
Tranchemontagne, the owner<br />
of the Frog and Turtle Gastro<br />
Pub in Westbrook, remembers<br />
it. He says his mother’s<br />
cooking was a big infl uence<br />
on his career choice, as well<br />
as some of the French-Canadian<br />
items on his menus.<br />
Steve Corry, the chef/owner<br />
of 555 Congress Street in Portland,<br />
was also infl uenced by<br />
his mother, Claire Corry, and<br />
her love of cooking. Growing<br />
up in Hingham, Mass., he<br />
remembers vividly the meals<br />
his mother cooked for her<br />
family of four. And he credits<br />
her for nudging him away<br />
from a career in fi nance to explore<br />
his own love of cooking,<br />
beer making and food.<br />
“She was very infl uential,”<br />
Corry recalls. “She always<br />
preached to enjoy what you<br />
do fi rst, and then success will<br />
follow. That really paved the<br />
way for me.”<br />
Before the Food Network<br />
made stars out of chefs such<br />
as Emeril Lagasse and led<br />
to an increased interest in<br />
culinary arts careers, budding<br />
chefs often developed<br />
their love of food and cooking<br />
by watching their stay-athome<br />
moms. With Mother’s<br />
Day approaching, Corry and<br />
Tranchemontagne were happy<br />
to revisit their memories<br />
of their moms and the magic<br />
they worked with food.<br />
“Still to this day I think of<br />
meals she cooked that were<br />
more memorable than any<br />
I’ve had in top restaurants,”<br />
says Tranchemontagne, who<br />
owned Uffa! in Portland before<br />
opening an upscale gastro-pub,<br />
The Frog and Turtle,<br />
and a nearby eatery called<br />
The French Press, in downtown<br />
Westbrook.<br />
Claire Corry, second right, has been a big infl uence on her<br />
chef son Steve. Shown here in this family photo are, from<br />
left, James Corry, Christine Duggan, chef Steve Corry, John<br />
Corry, Claire Corry and Tom Corry. Courtesy photo<br />
For Tranchemontagne, 35,<br />
growing up in a traditional<br />
French-Canadian household<br />
meant being surrounded by<br />
food. His pepe was a butcher<br />
and he remembers, at a young<br />
age, thinking the meats and<br />
salamis hanging on hooks<br />
were all very cool. With six<br />
boys to feed, his mother always<br />
seemed to be in the<br />
kitchen or out back harvesting<br />
things from her garden.<br />
Sunday dinner was an all-day<br />
affair, he recalls, where the<br />
extended family would gather<br />
at long tables after church.<br />
Friday nights usually meant<br />
grilled cheese sandwiches<br />
and homemade soups, utilizing<br />
leftovers and vegetables<br />
from the garden.<br />
“She never wasted anything,”<br />
Tranchemontagne recalls.<br />
“Those were the Franco-American<br />
values.”<br />
Tranchemontagne gravitated<br />
toward restaurant work<br />
even in high school. At 19,<br />
he got his fi rst break, working<br />
at Windows on the Water<br />
in Kennebunk, where he<br />
was encouraged to pursue<br />
cooking as a career. Once he<br />
opened his own restaurant,<br />
the infl uence of his French-<br />
Canadian roots came to the<br />
fore. Uffa! in Portland featured<br />
gourmet adaptations<br />
of the soups, potatoes and<br />
meat dishes he’d grown up<br />
on. At the Frog and Turtle,<br />
he says his holiday pork pies<br />
555 Lobster Mac & Cheese<br />
and creton (pork spread) are<br />
prepared exactly the same<br />
way his mother made them.<br />
The brunch items, such as<br />
the Franco-American Benedict<br />
and Frenchie Sandwich<br />
(scrambled eggs with creton),<br />
were also inspired by meals<br />
from his mother’s kitchen.<br />
Lovers of Tranchemontagne’s<br />
traditional French-<br />
Canadian doughnuts, which<br />
have become the signature<br />
item on his brunch menu, also<br />
have his mother to thank. He<br />
started making them at Uffa!<br />
to replace the cinnamon buns<br />
that were a popular item on<br />
the former owner’s brunch<br />
menu.<br />
Tranchemontagne has added<br />
variations to his mom’s<br />
recipe since then. Jacqueline<br />
Tranchemontagne made her<br />
This is a dish truly inspired by my mother’s homemade version<br />
(though there is no lobster in hers).<br />
– Stephen Corry<br />
Cheese sauce ingredients<br />
¾ quart heavy cream<br />
¾ quart whole milk<br />
2 ounces blonde roux<br />
8 ounces Fontina cheese<br />
4 ounces cheddar cheese<br />
2 ounces grated Parmesan<br />
2 ounces cream cheese<br />
1 teaspoon salt<br />
Procedure<br />
Bring cream/milk to a simmer. Add salt, whisk in roux (cold) and<br />
return to a simmer. Cook 5-10 minutes then remove from heat. In<br />
blender, slowly add cheese to thickened cream/milk mixture. Blitz<br />
until smooth. Be sure to taste and season. Makes about 2 quarts of<br />
sauce.<br />
Lobster and garnishes<br />
Boil fresh lobster in salted water until almost fully cooked (5 minutes<br />
for 1½ pound lobster).<br />
Shell lobster, remove tail, knuckle, claw meat and cut into reasonably<br />
sized pieces (leaving one claw whole for garnish). Finish cooking<br />
lobster at 160 degrees for about 3 minutes right before serving in<br />
melted butter.<br />
Cook your pasta until al dente, at the same time warm up your cheese<br />
sauce Add pasta, sauce, lobster in a bowl. Finish with white truffl e oil<br />
and sliced black truffl es, garnish with lobster claw. You can also add<br />
a crunchy component such as fried leeks or onions.
most? Mom, of course<br />
cinnamon-sugar doughnuts<br />
in a cast-iron pan with<br />
lots of lard, while Tranchemontagne’s<br />
doughnuts are<br />
the product of a commercial<br />
doughnut fryolater. He<br />
uses soybean oil, which is<br />
transfat free, and he has<br />
gone beyond the sugar and<br />
cinnamon of his youth,<br />
adding peanut butter, honey,<br />
walnuts, and an amazing<br />
assortment of ingredients<br />
to the crusty, plump<br />
masses of fried dough that<br />
customers rave about. He<br />
says his mother loves them<br />
even more than her own.<br />
Creton<br />
“My mother is a huge<br />
part of my love for food,”<br />
says Tranchemontagne.<br />
“It’s a shame she wasted<br />
her talent on six boys. She<br />
understands everything<br />
about cooking.”<br />
Steve Corry’s memories<br />
of his mother cooking go<br />
back to the days before<br />
he was tall enough to see<br />
what she was preparing<br />
on the kitchen counter.<br />
“I was always underfoot,<br />
begging to help out,”<br />
he says. “I’d reach up and<br />
grab a handful of raw<br />
hamburger and eat it be-<br />
To all the memeres and good French Canadian ladies out<br />
there. I know we all have little tweaks and twists to our<br />
recipes. This is passed down from my grand memere.<br />
– James Tranchemontagne<br />
2 tablespoons vegetable oil<br />
5 pounds 80 percent lean ground pork<br />
1 large white onion (softball size), fi nely diced<br />
1 tablespoon cinnamon<br />
1 tablespoon nutmeg<br />
4 whole cloves ground (never use ground cloves)<br />
1½ quarts water<br />
¼ cup cornstarch for slurry (1:2 parts ration for slurry –<br />
¼ cup corn starch to ½ cup water)<br />
Steps<br />
1. In large pot add oil and cook ground pork, on medium<br />
heat, until half way cooked. Be very careful not to brown<br />
the pork.<br />
2. Add diced onion and stir till onions are translucent and<br />
pork is cooked through. Again do not brown meat.<br />
3. Add all spices and stir.<br />
4. Add water. Depending on pot size and depth, water<br />
amount will change. You are trying to just cover the pork<br />
by a ½ inch<br />
5. Simmer for 2 ½ hours, stirring every 20 minutes or so.<br />
Do not boil.<br />
6. When water is below pork and the mixture looks to<br />
hold its own structure, add salt and pepper to taste, adjust<br />
seasons if needed. If OK, add slurry and stir for 2 minutes.<br />
7. Pour and cool on counter for 2 hours, then wrap and<br />
move to fridge overnight<br />
8. Tip: It is easier to cool it as one big batch, then divide<br />
it into smaller portions and freeze (or give as gifts if you<br />
are really nice). It can be frozen for up to three months<br />
and keeps in the fridge for a week or more. It is great as<br />
a spread with cheese. We grew up eating it on toast or<br />
English muffi ns with dijon mustard. It also can be used for<br />
meat for a sandwich.<br />
fore she could stop me. I<br />
guess I fooled myself into<br />
thinking it was steak tartare.”<br />
Claire Corry’s infl uence<br />
on her son went beyond instilling<br />
a love of food, however.<br />
After high school, he<br />
went off to college without<br />
a clue as to what he<br />
wanted to do. He thought<br />
he should pursue a career<br />
in corporate fi nance, like<br />
his father. But when he<br />
struggled academically,<br />
his mother nudged him in<br />
the direction of biology, a<br />
more hands-on fi eld that<br />
he’d always seemed to<br />
love in high school.<br />
After college, he bought<br />
beer-making equipment to<br />
get in on the microbrewing<br />
craze, which was becoming<br />
popular all over the<br />
country. With his mom’s<br />
do-what-you-love philoso-<br />
phy in mind, he become a<br />
member of the American<br />
Brewer’s Guild in California<br />
and became a brewmaster<br />
for several pubs and restaurants<br />
in California.<br />
He and his wife Michelle<br />
came to <strong>Maine</strong> 10 years<br />
ago with the idea of opening<br />
their own brew pub.<br />
But courses at the New<br />
England Culinary Instititute<br />
in Vermont sparked his interest<br />
in creative cuisine.<br />
He worked as a chef at<br />
Domain Chandon in Napa,<br />
Calif., and the White Barn<br />
Inn in <strong>Maine</strong>. In 2003, he<br />
and Michelle opened 555<br />
Congress Street. Corry<br />
was named one of the top<br />
10 new chefs by Food and<br />
Wine Magazine in 2007.<br />
Corry says he uses his<br />
memories of his mom’s<br />
cooking as inspiration<br />
from time to time, as he<br />
<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 21<br />
strives to make contemporary<br />
dishes out of traditional<br />
classics. A recent menu<br />
item, in fact, the housemade<br />
rosemary-infused<br />
fettucine with braised<br />
veal, was recreated with<br />
his mom’s Hungarian goulash<br />
dish in mind.<br />
“I like to do a twist on<br />
the old classics that mom<br />
would make,” he says.<br />
Though he’s an awardwinning<br />
chef, Corry still<br />
admires his mother’s<br />
knack for making memorable<br />
meals out of traditional<br />
comfort foods, he<br />
says.<br />
“The last time I visited,<br />
we raided her freezer and<br />
had some of her spaghetti<br />
and meatballs when we<br />
got home,” he continues.<br />
“It’s a recipe passed down<br />
from her own mother. I still<br />
think it’s the best.”<br />
James Tranchemontagne shares a dance with his mother, Jacqueline Marie Tranchemontagne of Sanford,<br />
at his wedding in 2006. “I think of meals she cooked that were more memorable than any I’ve had in top<br />
restaurants,” says Tranchemontagne, a chef and owner of two restaurants. Courtesy photo
22 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />
MaryAnn Molloy<br />
MaryAnn Molloy is an<br />
ACSM-certifi ed personal<br />
rainer who runs Healthy<br />
Body, Fit Mind of South<br />
Portland. Contact her at m<br />
aryann@healthybodyfi tm<br />
ind.com, call 767-4499 or<br />
isit www.healthybodyfi tmind.com<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
FITNESS FOCUS<br />
FITNESS FOCUS<br />
Moms must fi nd workout time<br />
Many women realize<br />
that while the<br />
joys of motherhood<br />
are infi nite, fi nding<br />
time for themselves becomes<br />
a distant memory.<br />
Most mothers fi nd themselves<br />
giving everything<br />
to everyone else, and<br />
very little to themselves.<br />
So, how can busy mothers<br />
fi nd the time to regularly<br />
exercise and stay fi t?<br />
Here are a few tips for all<br />
the busy moms trying to<br />
fi t themselves into their<br />
own schedule:<br />
• Incorporate your children<br />
in your workout<br />
<br />
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Check out<br />
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All publications are available at our kiosk in the <strong>Maine</strong> Mall<br />
<strong>Current</strong><br />
routine. According to<br />
the Centers for Disease<br />
control, the number of<br />
overweight children and<br />
teens has continued to<br />
rise over the past two decades.<br />
Get out and play<br />
with your children. Not<br />
only does this set a good<br />
example, but also but<br />
you all will benefi t from<br />
the activity. Jump rope,<br />
play soccer, tag, or on a<br />
rainy day try the Wii.<br />
• Encourage your children<br />
to take a long and<br />
brisk walk with you<br />
every day. It is a great<br />
time to catch up, and<br />
connect with your kids<br />
while getting some fresh<br />
air and exercise at the<br />
same time. Or, if they are<br />
teenagers, do not readily<br />
offer to drive them. If<br />
you know they are safe,<br />
where they are going and<br />
it is daylight, recommend<br />
they walk with a friend<br />
or take their bike.<br />
• If your children are<br />
still in a stroller, pack<br />
them up and go walking,<br />
jogging or running.<br />
Many fi tness centers<br />
have child care available.<br />
Try to fi nd a gym with a<br />
children’s area.<br />
• Try resistance training.<br />
A recent University<br />
of <strong>Maine</strong> study showed<br />
that 30 minutes of resistance<br />
training burned as<br />
many calories as doing<br />
6-minute-per-mile pace<br />
run for the same amount<br />
of time. This is not to<br />
say to forgo the walking,<br />
running or other forms<br />
or cardiovascular exercise,<br />
but those days when<br />
you simply do not have<br />
time, 30 minutes can get<br />
you a great workout. Resistance<br />
training burns<br />
calories, helps posture<br />
and helps prevent osteo-<br />
<br />
<br />
To advertise in ANY of <strong>Current</strong> Publishing’s Hometown Community Newspapers please call 207-854-2577 or email sales@keepmecurrent.com.<br />
<strong>Current</strong> Publishing • 840 Main Street, Westbrook, ME 04092 • (207) 854-2577 • Fax: (207) 854-0018 • sales@keepmecurrent.com<br />
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porosis. Pick up a few<br />
weights, stretch bands,<br />
or use your own body<br />
(i.e., pushups, walking<br />
lunges, etc.) and give it<br />
a try.<br />
• Get an exercise buddy.<br />
Studies show that<br />
people are more likely<br />
to stick with an exercise<br />
program when they have<br />
a partner. You can encourage<br />
each other, push<br />
each other, and keep<br />
each other on track. Another<br />
busy mom might<br />
be just what you need<br />
to make fi tness a part of<br />
your life.
MOMMILIES<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 23<br />
What’s the best advice your mom gave you?<br />
Stay in school and look forard<br />
to the future of college.<br />
Abigail Richards,<br />
Limington<br />
Always keep your sense of<br />
humor.<br />
Pat Brown, Portland<br />
Do it on your own, because<br />
no one will do it for you.<br />
Veronica Bates,<br />
Westbrook<br />
In order to have a friend,<br />
you must fi rst be a friend.<br />
Kate Hersom, Portland<br />
Athlete’s Training Systems<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Do unto others as you would<br />
have others do unto you.<br />
Jody Nutting, Westbrook<br />
Don’t sweat the small stuff.<br />
Kathryn Begos,<br />
Westbrook<br />
Photos by Leslie Bridgers
24 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />
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