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<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />

APRIL 2010 FREE<br />

A second chance<br />

Page 3<br />

Everyone’s mom<br />

Page 6<br />

Chefs’ infl uences<br />

Page 20<br />

CELEBRATING MOTHERS


2 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />

INDEX<br />

A second chance at motherhood Page 3<br />

A mom for all reasons Page 6<br />

Apple a Day Page 8<br />

Lightly Roasted Page 9<br />

Quarterlife Lessons Page 10<br />

Gold Star Mother Page 12<br />

History of Mother’s Day Page 15<br />

Loving her mother-in-law Page 15<br />

Soccer Moms transformed Page 16<br />

The Essay Page 17<br />

Book Review Page 18<br />

The Long View Page 19<br />

Table Talk Page 20<br />

Fitness Focus Page 22<br />

Mommilies Page 23<br />

ON THE COVER: Kim DeMado with her newborn<br />

son, Jackson. She writes about having a second<br />

chance at motherhood on page 3. Courtesy photo<br />

Contributors<br />

SHARON BAGALIO<br />

LESLIE BRIDGERS<br />

KIM DEMADO<br />

KATHY ELISCU<br />

PAULA GIBBS<br />

NANCY GRAPE<br />

MEL HOWARDS<br />

LINDA HERSEY<br />

FROM THE PUBLISHER<br />

Let’s celebrate moms<br />

Welcome to spring in<br />

<strong>Maine</strong>.<br />

After we endure the 40<br />

days and 40 nights of rain, we will<br />

be paid off with black fl ies, ticks,<br />

and of course, our state bird,<br />

the mosquito. We will also be<br />

rewarded with early crocuses and<br />

tulips poking through the mud, a<br />

steady chorus of evening peepers,<br />

and a season of new beginnings<br />

and growth. We are devoting our<br />

spring issue of <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />

to moms – whether it’s Mother<br />

Earth or your own mother, let’s<br />

face it, moms hold the key to new<br />

beginnings.<br />

The stories in this particular issue<br />

are happy, sad, funny and promising.<br />

I’ve just fi nished reading Taryn<br />

Plumb’s piece about the quintessential<br />

“neighborhood mom,” Gayle<br />

Marie Page. What a wonderful<br />

tribute to Page and all who loved<br />

her. She opened her home and her<br />

heart to an extended family of kids,<br />

who I’m sure will never forget her.<br />

Over the years, I have aspired to<br />

be the kind of mom that Page is<br />

described as, always opening up<br />

my home to the friends and families<br />

of my own kids. Many Saturday<br />

mornings I wake up and the<br />

fi rst thought is, how many extras<br />

do we have sleeping in the house?<br />

Sunday brunches, mid-week meals<br />

and late-night visits from all of the<br />

JOANNE LANNIN<br />

MARYANN MOLLOY<br />

TARYN PLUMB<br />

MARY SNELL<br />

kids and their friends bring a lot of<br />

joy and laughter to our home. I love<br />

having grown kids who want to<br />

come and hang out and bring their<br />

friends along.<br />

I’m sure I inherited this quality<br />

from my own mother, who was always<br />

willing to set an extra plate<br />

at the table, bring a friend on the<br />

family vacations, and host the<br />

summer pool parties for all of my<br />

friends. When she died a year or so<br />

ago, it was these friends who came<br />

to celebrate her life.<br />

For me, there has been no better,<br />

more fulfi lling experience<br />

than being a mom. When my girls<br />

were small, maybe 4 and 7 years<br />

old, I got some great advice from<br />

another mom who had two teenage<br />

daughters at the time and was<br />

extremely close to them. Knowing<br />

that this is often the exception, and<br />

not the rule, I asked her what she<br />

thought was the most important<br />

thing in keeping the relationship<br />

strong. She said this: “Always remember<br />

what’s it like to be ‘that’<br />

age – whatever the age your kids<br />

are. Remember what it was like for<br />

you when you were that age – and<br />

be honest.” Now, some 14 years<br />

later, I still live by that advice, and<br />

I am forever grateful.<br />

Happy Mother’s Day. Take some<br />

time to celebrate your mom and<br />

being a mom.<br />

<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />

840 MAIN ST., WESTBROOK ME 04092<br />

(207) 854-2577 (207) 854-0018 – FAX mainewomen@keepmecurrent.com<br />

LEE HEWS Publisher<br />

JANE P. LORD Editor<br />

CYNDY BELL Advertising<br />

JONATHAN MORSE Production Manager<br />

KATE AUDETTE, KATIE BELL, JOE COTE, TRACI GOFF Production<br />

Lee Hews<br />

If you have ideas,<br />

suggestions, comments<br />

please contact us by e-mail<br />

at mainewomen@keepme<br />

current.com or call me at<br />

207-854-2577.


By Kim DeMado<br />

Kim DeMado and her husand<br />

Tim are co-foundrs<br />

of Athlete’s Training<br />

Systems (www.getATS.<br />

om), an online personal<br />

raining and nutritional<br />

oaching business, and<br />

hey work at The Bay Club<br />

in downtown Portland.<br />

She is also the group fi tness<br />

director, instructor<br />

nd trainer there. She has<br />

ompeted in more than 25<br />

marathons and is a twoime<br />

Ironman fi nisher.<br />

A<br />

year ago, I got the<br />

exciting news that<br />

I was pregnant.<br />

You might ask yourself,<br />

“What woman wouldn’t<br />

be excited to get that<br />

news while trying to conceive?”<br />

My story, however,<br />

is about getting a<br />

second chance.<br />

I am very fortunate to<br />

have had a healthy pregnancy,<br />

delivery and baby.<br />

But what makes my story<br />

unique is that from October<br />

2008 to October 2009,<br />

I not only had a baby, but<br />

also got married and<br />

started an online personal<br />

training and nutrition<br />

business with my<br />

husband, Tim. Jackson<br />

Adam is our fi rst child,<br />

but my fourth. I had my<br />

fi rst three children in my<br />

early 20s, and now, in my<br />

mid-40s, got the chance<br />

of a lifetime to do it again<br />

– a little calmer, a little<br />

older and a lot wiser.<br />

When my three children,<br />

<strong>Me</strong>gan, Chris and<br />

Will, found out that they<br />

were going to get a baby<br />

brother, they were not as<br />

surprised as I imagined.<br />

I’ve always been the type<br />

of person to dive right<br />

into things with energy<br />

and passion. They’ve<br />

seen me run marathons<br />

and Ironmans, start up<br />

new businesses and<br />

get married. So, seeing<br />

how happy Tim and<br />

I were, they understood<br />

this to be the next step,<br />

and could not have been<br />

more thrilled when Jackson<br />

entered the world.<br />

<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 3<br />

A second chance – mid-40s motherhood<br />

Second chance see page 4<br />

Kim DeMado lifts her 5-month-old son Jackson in the air while working out at<br />

the Bay Club in Portland. DeMado is a trainer at the fi tness club and has been<br />

staying fi t after becoming a mother. Staff photo by Brandon McKenney


4 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />

Second chance from page 3<br />

The boys are in and out<br />

of the house visiting all<br />

the time, and my daughter<br />

makes the trip from<br />

the West Coast as often<br />

as she can. In addition<br />

to the support of my children,<br />

I’ve had a phenomenal<br />

support group of<br />

friends and clients, many<br />

of whom I taught in fi tness<br />

classes throughout<br />

the pregnancy. I’ve loved<br />

seeing how my story has<br />

inspired other women to<br />

take on new adventures<br />

in their own lives. With<br />

the right attitude, you can<br />

do anything.<br />

Even with the support<br />

of my husband, children<br />

and friends, my pregnancy<br />

was still a challenge.<br />

Though I was excited to<br />

be expecting, I knew that<br />

there were risks involved,<br />

as there are in any pregnancy,<br />

so I couldn’t help<br />

but be a little fearful<br />

for the fi rst trimester. I<br />

backed off high-impact<br />

exercise, and concen-<br />

Getting back into shape<br />

My Top 5 pieces of advice for new moms<br />

trying to get into shape:<br />

1. Make sure you are eating enough for the two of<br />

you if you are nursing.<br />

2. Take a walk/jog every day with the baby for at<br />

least 30 minutes to an hour.<br />

3. As hard as it is, take naps when your infant sleeps<br />

– you’ll be less likely to skip out on a workout if<br />

you’re rested.<br />

4. Try to get help from your partner or other<br />

caregiver so that you can take time for yourself to<br />

exercise.<br />

5. Go out on date nights. Mom and Dad need to<br />

connect, too!<br />

– Kim DeMado<br />

trated on keeping myself<br />

rested, nourished and<br />

healthy. But when I entered<br />

my second trimester,<br />

I knew Jackson was<br />

healthy and I personally<br />

was feeling more energized.<br />

I was teaching all<br />

of my spin, step and gymnastics<br />

classes, as well<br />

as coaching our women’s<br />

track team and doing<br />

my own running. The<br />

third trimester continued<br />

smoothly, and before we<br />

knew it Jackson was out<br />

– in only four pushes.<br />

Tim and I feel so<br />

blessed to have this happy,<br />

healthy, giggly boy in<br />

our lives who is already<br />

growing up so fast. But it<br />

wasn’t easy and it continues<br />

to take a lot of hard<br />

work and patience to<br />

navigate our fast-paced<br />

lives.<br />

I know my active life-<br />

Kim DeMado often brings 5-month-old son Jackson to work with her at the Bay Club in Portland. Jackson<br />

is her fourth child – her fi rst three are now in their 20s. Staff photo by Brandon McKenney<br />

style contributed to my<br />

success in getting pregnant,<br />

having a healthy<br />

pregnancy and delivery,<br />

and getting back into<br />

shape quickly. There is<br />

no question that the way<br />

I ate and my constant exercise<br />

played a huge role<br />

in bouncing back as fast<br />

as I did. Throughout the<br />

pregnancy I made sure to<br />

get an hour of exercise<br />

in each day, though, as I<br />

said, in the fi rst trimester<br />

I avoided running and<br />

other high-impact exercises.<br />

I was also very<br />

careful with my diet and<br />

didn’t use pregnancy as<br />

an excuse to fi ll up on<br />

junk food. Instead, I followed<br />

the nutrition plan<br />

of our own company,<br />

Athlete’s Training Systems,<br />

which, along with<br />

cardio, strength training<br />

and yoga, was the<br />

key to only gaining 25<br />

pounds and having no<br />

swelling. I can honestly<br />

say I came into this pregnancy<br />

physically fi t and<br />

emotionally strong, and<br />

worked to maintain this<br />

strength throughout the<br />

nine months.<br />

As all moms know, the<br />

challenges are really just<br />

beginning the day your<br />

baby is born. Often one<br />

of the toughest obstacles<br />

is losing the baby weight.<br />

Though I was careful to<br />

keep my weight gain to a<br />

minimum, it still took hard<br />

work to get my body back<br />

into pre-pregnancy shape.<br />

My ATS nutrition plan has<br />

helped by allowing me to<br />

follow my total calories<br />

based on my exercise levels<br />

and body needs.<br />

Both my biggest challenge<br />

and biggest reward<br />

today is balancing time<br />

with my family, coaching<br />

clients, working on<br />

the business and doing<br />

things for myself. Yet,<br />

now in my 40s, I’m more<br />

laid back and I don’t<br />

sweat the small stuff. I’ve<br />

learned a lot through the<br />

years, and plan to take a<br />

different approach to parenting<br />

this time around.<br />

I’m more confi dent, more<br />

patient, but also probably<br />

a little fi rmer. For example,<br />

Jackson was already<br />

sleeping through the<br />

night at 4 months. Tim<br />

and I realized that it’s<br />

OK for babies to cry, and<br />

often he lulled himself<br />

back to sleep. As Jackson<br />

grows up, I intend to<br />

stick to us all eating the<br />

same meals. Whereas I<br />

used to bend over backward<br />

to accommodate<br />

three very different kids’<br />

tastes, I hope to stand<br />

fi rm with Jackson, and I<br />

think he’ll be better off<br />

for it.<br />

We also plan to be cautious<br />

when it comes to<br />

competitive sports participation.<br />

We’ve seen<br />

families become centered<br />

entirely on their<br />

children’s sports, at the<br />

expense of other activities.<br />

As athletes ourselves,<br />

we do hope that<br />

Jackson will develop a<br />

passion for one or more<br />

sports, but it has to be<br />

his choice and it won’t<br />

be a replacement for other<br />

family-time activities.<br />

Kids need to be kids.<br />

I have had the opportunity<br />

to share with other<br />

women that anything is<br />

possible if you put your<br />

mind to it and realize<br />

that there are no limits.<br />

You don’t have to believe<br />

that you cannot lose the<br />

weight, cannot fi nd time<br />

to exercise or cannot<br />

have another child. It’s all<br />

about the power of positive<br />

belief, and only you<br />

have control over your<br />

mindset. All of life’s challenges<br />

and goals require<br />

hard work and a positive<br />

outlook to achieve.<br />

However, with consistent<br />

behavior and perseverance,<br />

you can get there.<br />

My goal is being the best<br />

mother I can be – the second<br />

time around.


<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 5


6 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />

Taryn Plumb<br />

Taryn Plumb is a <strong>Maine</strong>based<br />

freelance writer<br />

who has written for a<br />

variety of publications,<br />

including daily and<br />

weekly newspapers, Web<br />

sites, trade and business<br />

journals, wedding, art<br />

nd regional-themed<br />

agazines.<br />

A mom for all reasons<br />

Gayle Marie Page’s welcome mat was always out<br />

It’s not something her<br />

family can really explain.<br />

It’s just the way she<br />

was.<br />

If you needed a place to<br />

sleep, you’d crash at Gayle’s.<br />

If you wanted advice,<br />

she’d be the one you’d ask.<br />

Hungry? Then she’d feed<br />

you.<br />

“She just loved the idea<br />

of people congregating<br />

around her,” Heather<br />

Cabading recalled of her<br />

mother, Gayle Marie Page,<br />

who died at age 63 in late<br />

March.<br />

She was the quintessential<br />

neighborhood mom:<br />

Her welcome mat was al-<br />

ways out. And it was most<br />

certainly well worn. Page,<br />

of Buxton, had just two<br />

children and one grandchild<br />

of her own (with two<br />

more nearly here), but she<br />

was a surrogate mother<br />

and grandmother to dozens<br />

of area kids.<br />

“We have hundreds of<br />

adopted brothers and sisters,<br />

some of whom we’ve<br />

never met,” chuckled<br />

Cabading, of Limington,<br />

mother to 2½-year-old<br />

Egan, and pregnant with<br />

fraternal twins.<br />

<strong>Me</strong>anwhile, when Cabading<br />

and her younger brother<br />

Troy Haskell were growing<br />

up, “our dearest<br />

friends just became part<br />

of the family. They were<br />

‘the other kids.’”<br />

In fact, it wasn’t uncommon<br />

to have a dozen or<br />

more kids swarming the<br />

family home. They would<br />

set up makeshift beds in<br />

the living room, and stay<br />

one night, a few – or as<br />

long as they needed.<br />

In the summer, they’d<br />

throng around the backyard<br />

swimming pool.<br />

And the fridge – well,<br />

let’s just say it was never<br />

safe.<br />

But this certainly wasn’t<br />

a problem, as Cabading<br />

pointed out: When you<br />

stayed at Gayle’s house,<br />

Gayle Page with her son, Troy Haskell, on the left, kneeling, and several former neighborhood kids and<br />

Haskell’s friends gathered for a reunion shortly before Page died. Growing up, says Page’s daughter<br />

Heather Cabading, “our dearest friends just became part of the family.” Courtesy photo<br />

“it was imperative that<br />

you eat.”<br />

She simply wouldn’t stop<br />

asking until you did.<br />

So, if you ever stopped<br />

by, you’d often fi nd her in<br />

the kitchen, stirring up big<br />

kettles of soup or making<br />

spaghetti. And for those<br />

with a sweet tooth, she<br />

was especially favored, as<br />

she was “famous for her<br />

whoopie pies,” explained<br />

her sister, Lynda Hudson,<br />

of Center Harbor, N.H.<br />

Holidays, meanwhile,<br />

would draw a crowd upwards<br />

of 30.<br />

And, despite the number<br />

of people who cycled<br />

through, she was the type<br />

who never forgot a single<br />

birthday. Or a wedding,<br />

for that matter. She even<br />

became a justice of the<br />

peace to marry Cabading’s<br />

childhood friend.<br />

In turn, this is how<br />

strongly her surrogate<br />

family felt about her: A<br />

couple of weeks before<br />

she died, her son held a<br />

reunion, and attendees<br />

were given just a day-anda-half<br />

notice.<br />

Every one of them came,<br />

Cabading said.<br />

Also, since Page’s death,<br />

there have been numerous<br />

phone calls, e-mails<br />

and cards, and friends and<br />

strangers constantly stop<br />

her family members on<br />

the street or in the store to<br />

offer sympathy and share<br />

memories.<br />

“I know what she did<br />

for me,” Cabading said,<br />

and seeing the reactions<br />

“means that other people<br />

also realized how special<br />

she was.”<br />

As Hudson recalled, it<br />

was hard not to: She was<br />

a wonderful storyteller<br />

with an incredible outlook<br />

on life and a great sense<br />

of humor.<br />

None of which, her sister<br />

stressed, were lost when<br />

she was suffering through<br />

radiation or the fi nal days<br />

of her cancer.<br />

She was also someone<br />

who didn’t let social<br />

expectations dictate her<br />

dreams. At a time when<br />

many people are ticking<br />

away the days to retirement,<br />

the near-sexagenarian<br />

enrolled at the<br />

the University of Southern<br />

<strong>Maine</strong> to pursue her<br />

bachelor’s degree in elementary<br />

education.<br />

And her age didn’t slow<br />

her down a bit. Like other<br />

college students, she<br />

pulled all-nighters and<br />

drafted extensive papers,<br />

her daughter recounted.<br />

Then, in 2008, at age 62,<br />

she donned her cap and<br />

gown and collected her<br />

diploma. Afterward, she<br />

worked as a substitute<br />

teacher, switching seamlessly<br />

from music one day<br />

to biology the next.<br />

But then, her brief but<br />

quick-striking illness halted<br />

her career.<br />

And, much as she tried<br />

to hold on, she never got<br />

the opportunity to meet or<br />

hold her twin grandchildren,<br />

Elijah and Abigayle,<br />

who are due in April.<br />

As her daughter noted,<br />

it’s heart-wrenching that<br />

such a vibrant, giving<br />

woman died at age 63.<br />

“She taught me to love<br />

my family more than anything<br />

else in the world. She<br />

taught me that every day<br />

is a gift,” she refl ected.<br />

Still, “she gave 150 percent<br />

of herself all the<br />

time,” Cabading said. “It<br />

would be wrong to feel<br />

sorry for ourselves.”


8 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />

Sharon Bagalio, RN<br />

A registered nurse who<br />

lso holds a master’s<br />

egree in public health,<br />

Bagalio is director of Risk<br />

Emergency Management<br />

at <strong>Me</strong>rcy Hospital,<br />

here she has worked for<br />

more than 10 years. She<br />

lives in Yarmouth.<br />

Kathy Eliscu<br />

Kathy Eliscu is a nurse<br />

nd freelance writer who<br />

lives in Westbrook. She<br />

redits her way of looking<br />

at the light side of<br />

life to her mother, the<br />

late Marge Eliscu, whose<br />

Coffee Break” humor<br />

olumn ran for two deades<br />

in the <strong>Maine</strong> Sunay<br />

Telegram.<br />

AN APPLE A DAY<br />

If you believe in yourself,<br />

How does one heal a<br />

broken heart?<br />

Technically a<br />

“broken heart” is not an<br />

identifi ed health issue.<br />

This condition doesn’t<br />

show up in medical journals,<br />

you don’t see drug<br />

companies advertising<br />

on television promoting<br />

a new cure-all medication<br />

you should be asking<br />

your doctor to prescribe,<br />

nor can you scientifi cally<br />

list the signs and symptoms<br />

of this condition. Yet<br />

we have all seen people<br />

with “broken hearts.” You<br />

LIGHTLY ROASTED<br />

Every now and then,<br />

I get momentarily<br />

hooked on a cable program<br />

called “A Baby Story.”<br />

Though I’m an older mom,<br />

I still melt at the sight of a<br />

newborn.<br />

Recently, the show featured<br />

a couple that had just<br />

adopted an adorable pair<br />

of twins. During the adoption<br />

process, the new mom<br />

found out that she was, fi -<br />

nally, pregnant. She was<br />

due to deliver her biological<br />

baby when the twins would<br />

be 5 months old. Or maybe<br />

the twin babies were adopted<br />

fi ve months before she<br />

found out she was pregnant.<br />

Or maybe they were now 5<br />

months old. Well, let’s just<br />

say there were already handfuls<br />

of babies, another one<br />

on the way, and a bunch<br />

of miscellaneous numbers<br />

and time sequences being<br />

thrown around, mostly fi ves,<br />

which in numerology means<br />

probably have had your<br />

heart broken at one time<br />

or other. I know I have<br />

and it just plan sucks.<br />

Of course, my heart has<br />

since healed. But, the pain<br />

that I experienced when<br />

my heart “broke” was very<br />

real. People may say no<br />

one has ever died of a broken<br />

heart, but when you’re<br />

suffering from one, it sure<br />

doesn’t feel that way.<br />

It’s only when you open<br />

yourself to love that your<br />

heart can break. Some<br />

people seem to have their<br />

hearts broken many times<br />

something like “should do<br />

well in ratings.” Bottom<br />

line: There would soon be<br />

three infants to care for plus<br />

a bunch of nervous, pacing<br />

grandparents-to-be.<br />

In TV time, the new parents/parents-to-be,<br />

all one<br />

and the same, are interviewed<br />

step by step as they<br />

prepare for labor, have labor,<br />

and head into delivery, all<br />

in one, fun-fi lled, 30-minute<br />

episode.<br />

After the initial, repeated<br />

teasers showing the woman<br />

pushing, we fast forward a<br />

full minute of actual show<br />

time to see mom-to-be in<br />

a steamy whirlpool at the<br />

hospital, while her involved,<br />

yuppie husband sits on the<br />

edge of the tub sipping his<br />

latte and occasionally dribbling<br />

warm water over her<br />

feet. The running dialogue<br />

for the next 15 minutes involves<br />

her repeating – yea,<br />

insisting – that she not have<br />

throughout their lives.<br />

Lots of things can cause<br />

heartbreak. Some people<br />

experience the pain of a<br />

romantic relationship that<br />

ends before they’re ready.<br />

We’ve seen people who<br />

have lost their soulmate<br />

when they pass, and the<br />

one left remaining cannot<br />

bear to live solo. Others<br />

love someone who doesn’t<br />

feel the same way they do<br />

about them. Heartbreak<br />

can also occur when a<br />

close friend moves out of<br />

your life, leaving you with<br />

a deep feeling of empti-<br />

an epidural.<br />

“Maybe, if I absolutely<br />

have to, I’ll take a shot of<br />

something short-acting,”<br />

she states roughly 18 times,<br />

but who’s counting? I’m still<br />

trying to keep track of how<br />

many babies she’ll have to<br />

diaper.<br />

No epidural. No epidural.<br />

No epidural. Got it. Maybe a<br />

shot. Maybe. Not sure. More<br />

whirlpool. She is sweating<br />

now and wincing with each<br />

contraction. Her husband<br />

has fi nished his latte, so now<br />

they can get down to business.<br />

We pause now, as I switch<br />

from reporter’s cap (not such<br />

a good look on me, really – I<br />

have a narrow forehead) to<br />

semi-retired nurse’s cap (a<br />

snappy, crisp little number<br />

that was white a few decades<br />

ago) to a mom’s hat (resembling<br />

hair well overdue for<br />

a cut and possibly having<br />

remnants of baby oatmeal in<br />

ness and sadness.<br />

Poets and songwriters<br />

have been writing about<br />

broken hearts for thousands<br />

of years, but when<br />

it’s happening to you, it<br />

can feel like no one else<br />

in the world has ever possibly<br />

felt the same way.<br />

People with broken hearts<br />

can exhibit symptoms of<br />

depression such as:<br />

An inability to<br />

concentrate<br />

A loss of energy<br />

A loss of interest or<br />

pleasure in ordinary<br />

activities<br />

it from God knows when). I<br />

am a huge advocate of natural<br />

childbirth for those who<br />

want it, as I did. It’s amazing<br />

as I look back on times past<br />

and recall how fervently I<br />

advocated for birth decisions<br />

in the name of fullness of experience.<br />

Now, I collapse at a<br />

paper cut. Back then, I was<br />

Mother Bear grunting out<br />

my kids.<br />

But perspectives change.<br />

I’m watching this woman<br />

and her husband, and she is<br />

obviously in a lot of pain. It’s<br />

killing me. Can’t she please<br />

take something, just for her<br />

TV viewers?<br />

She ends up taking a dose<br />

of short-acting something<br />

and then spends the next<br />

few minutes letting us know<br />

the drug’s made her sleepy<br />

but doesn’t help the pain at<br />

all. Now we watch sleepy<br />

wincing. But lo and behold,<br />

mom eventually pushes baby<br />

out, everyone’s happy, and<br />

A decreased (or<br />

increased) appetite<br />

that may lead to weight<br />

loss (or weight gain)<br />

Changes in sleep<br />

(e.g., sleeping more,<br />

waking up early,<br />

insomnia)<br />

Feelings of excessive<br />

guilt, despair, and /or<br />

hopelessness<br />

Diffi culty<br />

remembering things<br />

Recurrent thoughts<br />

of death or suicide<br />

Irritability<br />

Broken heart see page 9<br />

Drugs for this ‘Baby Story.’ Stat!<br />

she can’t wait to get home to<br />

the other two babies, who by<br />

now have been interviewed<br />

and given personality tests<br />

by the camera crew. We<br />

switch to the couple’s home,<br />

where babies laugh, cry, look<br />

at, pull and poke each other,<br />

everything you’d want to see<br />

in Baby 101.<br />

In the last scene, the couple<br />

is interviewed once more,<br />

and they assess their situation.<br />

She still doesn’t want<br />

an epidural. But she says<br />

she’d like to adopt at least<br />

two more babies and have<br />

another one of her own. Dad,<br />

latte in hand, is agreeable to<br />

just one more of each.<br />

I’ve been a labor and delivery<br />

nurse and a psychiatric<br />

nurse, and at this point all I<br />

could advise this couple is:<br />

Take the drugs. Whatever<br />

they will give you. Drive<br />

back to the hospital and take<br />

the drugs.<br />

You’re gonna need them.


<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 9<br />

then healing certain to follow<br />

I believe a broken heart<br />

requires as much care and<br />

ttention as a broken bone<br />

r any other physical ailent.<br />

With time and propr<br />

care, a broken heart will<br />

eal and the life’s lessons<br />

hat will be learned along<br />

he way perhaps will preent<br />

a repeat occurrence.<br />

A wounded heart needs<br />

ime and proper attention<br />

o one’s needs in order for<br />

t to heal. You must bear<br />

he pain, admit it hurts and<br />

llow yourself the time<br />

o work through it. The<br />

reater the loss, the more<br />

ime it will take to heal.<br />

rying is good. It’s a natual<br />

release of the internal<br />

ain that you are feeling.<br />

Other other “bandages” to<br />

help with healing are:<br />

You can treat yourself<br />

gently and be patient<br />

with your fl uctuating<br />

emotions<br />

You can recognize<br />

and accept the pain –<br />

denying it prolongs<br />

it (and who wants<br />

that?)<br />

Take the time you<br />

need to heal<br />

Rest and nurture<br />

yourself – it’s time to<br />

look after No. 1<br />

Accept comfort from<br />

family and friends<br />

Make no major<br />

decisions about<br />

anything during this<br />

time – or at least run<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

them by someone you<br />

trust<br />

Stick to a routine and<br />

keep busy<br />

And what should you<br />

not do during this painful<br />

time?<br />

Don’t panic<br />

Don’t deny yourself<br />

the hurt you are<br />

experiencing<br />

Don’t dwell on the<br />

negatives or isolate<br />

yourself from others<br />

Don’t fall into<br />

relationships on the<br />

rebound (always a<br />

mistake)<br />

Don’t be afraid to ask<br />

for help (counseling if<br />

you don’t have a close<br />

friend to confi de in)<br />

Come be part of our 1st Annual<br />

Greater Portland<br />

Business Expo<br />

Sat. May 15th *10-4 * Wyndam Hotel,<br />

Payne Rd. Sth. Portland<br />

Sure to be a day of networking, learning and FUN! The goal is to bridge<br />

the gap between businesses and the public.<br />

To participate in this event please contact Michelle, at 232-2097 or email<br />

mmoore@bathfi tter.com to reserve your space to promote your<br />

business or services. Or go to www.mainewomensnetwork.com and<br />

click on event registration to the Greater Portland Business Showcase.<br />

<br />

<br />

Don’t take alcohol or<br />

drugs (just adds to the<br />

pain in the long run)<br />

The hardest part of<br />

mending a broken heart<br />

is getting up in the morning<br />

and going through the<br />

day like nothing has happened.<br />

Although you might<br />

feel like isolating yourself,<br />

try not to go through this<br />

painful period alone. Make<br />

sure you surround yourself<br />

with people who love you<br />

and care for you. And surround<br />

yourself with things<br />

that bring you comfort. For<br />

me, cozy pajamas, a down<br />

comforter, romantic movies<br />

(here come those tears)<br />

chocolate (lots and lots of<br />

chocolate) and Rudy, my<br />

Springer Spaniel curled up<br />

beside me and a cat curled<br />

up on my lap often does the<br />

trick. For others, it might<br />

be a favorite CD, a book,<br />

and a cup of hot tea. Try to<br />

focus on what you can do<br />

to make yourself happy.<br />

Above all else, don’t ever<br />

blame yourself. You are not<br />

at fault because someone<br />

else jilted you. It is important<br />

that you retain a sense<br />

of perspective at all times<br />

while your broken heart<br />

is healing. Accept that<br />

the pain will not go away<br />

overnight. Believe in yourself<br />

and the healing will<br />

follow.<br />

when I grow up, I want to be…<br />

Help make the dream a reality!<br />

Start saving for college today.<br />

NextGen is a Section 529 plan administered by FAME. <strong>Me</strong>rrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner & Smith Incorporated, a registered<br />

broker-dealer, member SIPC, is the program manager and underwriter. Before investing you should carefully consider<br />

the investment objectives, charges, expenses and risks of investing in the NextGen Plan. You should also consider<br />

whether your or the designated beneficiary’s home state offers any state tax or other benefits that are only available for<br />

investments in such state’s 529 plan. Request a Program Description from your <strong>Maine</strong> bank or financial advisor, or call<br />

FAME at 1-800-228-3734 and read it carefully.<br />

Open a NextGen account.<br />

Ask your <strong>Maine</strong> bank, financial advisor, or FAME about <strong>Maine</strong> benefits.<br />

1-800-228-3734 or FAMEmaine.com


10 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />

Leslie Bridgers<br />

A staff reporter for the<br />

American Journal in<br />

Westbrook, she is a graduate<br />

of Bowdoin College.<br />

QUARTERLIFE LESSONS<br />

QUARTERLIFE LESSONS<br />

All mothers make mistakes<br />

My mother used to<br />

make me promise<br />

her I’d never<br />

have children.<br />

“They’ll only disappoint<br />

you,” she’d say.<br />

Though I let her know<br />

I took her words more<br />

than a little bit personally,<br />

she insisted she was<br />

only trying to give me<br />

some sound advice – the<br />

kind of thing her mother<br />

never would have done<br />

for her.<br />

I learned early on in<br />

life that the most offensive<br />

thing I could do to<br />

my mother was to suggest<br />

that she was anything<br />

like her own. But<br />

even through my turbu-<br />

lent teens, I used the insult<br />

sparingly – mostly to<br />

make sure it never lost its<br />

razor-sharp edge.<br />

I asked my mom the<br />

other day just what was<br />

so bad about growing up<br />

with my grandma.<br />

Most of her complaints<br />

seemed pretty typical.<br />

She talked about how<br />

she was only allowed to<br />

buy clothes from the discount<br />

store, which was<br />

a source of embarrassment<br />

in school. And how<br />

despite my mother’s distaste<br />

for liver and onions,<br />

it frequently showed up<br />

as her only option on the<br />

dinner table. My grandma,<br />

my mother told me,<br />

was never sympathetic to<br />

her complaints about being<br />

bored.<br />

“Go say the Rosary,”<br />

she’d tell her.<br />

Hearing her gripes made<br />

it apparent how hard my<br />

mother tried not to repeat<br />

the same habits. Though<br />

I always chose comfort<br />

over style when it came<br />

to clothes, she would insist<br />

I update my wardrobe<br />

and take part in the latest<br />

trends. At dinner every<br />

night, there was always<br />

an array of options that<br />

took into account the<br />

particular tastes of my<br />

brothers and me. And I<br />

certainly couldn’t complain<br />

that I was bored as<br />

kid. From sports teams<br />

to music lessons to art<br />

classes, it seemed I was<br />

signed up for everything<br />

imaginable.<br />

But when I think back to<br />

my childhood, those aren’t<br />

the memories that come<br />

to forefront. I think about<br />

the times I wasn’t allowed<br />

to go to sleepovers<br />

because my best friend’s<br />

parents had a woodstove<br />

and my mom thought<br />

the house would burn<br />

down. Or how I couldn’t<br />

go swimming in a lake<br />

because she was scared<br />

I might drown. Or when<br />

she told me not to have<br />

kids because they were<br />

only a disappointment.<br />

The thought of having<br />

children of my own is not<br />

even close to being in the<br />

realm of my reality right<br />

now, but when I do think<br />

about it, I think about<br />

how I careful I would be<br />

not to let my own fears<br />

and insecurities interfere<br />

with my children’s lives,<br />

like my mother did.<br />

But regardless of whether<br />

I don’t repeat her mistakes,<br />

I’m sure I’ll make<br />

a slew of my own. And<br />

that’s the one thing that<br />

makes me think maybe I<br />

shouldn’t have kids at all<br />

– not because they’d disappoint<br />

me, but because I<br />

know I would disappoint<br />

them.


How a Desperate, Overweight Secretary<br />

Got Her NECK FIXED & LOST 50 POUNDS<br />

...She’s Even Got Her Romance Racing!<br />

Blind-Sided by a MIRACLE!<br />

That’s the way Susan saw it—as a real live<br />

miracle—but it started out as a disaster. And it’s<br />

strange how a peaceful afternoon and a few<br />

weeds turned her into the monster.<br />

But the weeds were taking over, and doggone<br />

it, today was the day they met their match. So<br />

Susan went at it pretty hard for a few hours--digging,<br />

yanking and generally showing the weeds<br />

who was boss. She felt powerful and in-charge,<br />

until the next day...when the pain started!<br />

“How a Few Crummy Weeds<br />

Almost RUINED My Life!”<br />

It wasn’t long before her neck and shoulders<br />

started clamping down. At first it seemed like no<br />

big deal...except her neck<br />

kept tightening—like a<br />

vice on the workbench—<br />

until...<br />

? She felt like the tin man<br />

in the Wizard of Oz....<br />

rusted solid after a thunderstorm!<br />

And then it got<br />

worse!<br />

She had NO CLUE where the<br />

PAIN was coming from!<br />

Finally, she couldn’t lift<br />

her arms, turn her head or<br />

have her husband inno-<br />

cently touch her hands—or the pain would shoot<br />

back into her neck like she’d touched an electric<br />

fence!<br />

It forced her to go crawling into her local<br />

HealthSource Chiropractic office, begging<br />

for help. Not only did it hurt, but she didn’t<br />

know where the pain was coming from—her arm<br />

or her neck. And that’s when her doctor<br />

explained:<br />

? ? The MYSTERY of PAIN ? ?<br />

Just by looking at the picture, you’ll know<br />

more than doctors who don’t understand this<br />

common cause of agony. It’s called referred<br />

pain. It’s tricky, likes to hide and comes from:<br />

➤ a pinched nerve in the neck<br />

➤ a muscle squeezing a nerve after it<br />

leaves the neck<br />

➤ 3 specific muscles in front of the neck,<br />

or even...<br />

➤ an arm problem reflexing BACK to the neck!<br />

Or they can gang up on you and come from<br />

ALL of these areas at the same time, which is<br />

why HealthSource Chiropractic docs must<br />

deal with a lot more than your spine. You see,<br />

pain is seldom JUST a spine problem. Wouldn’t<br />

it be great if life were that simple...just a quick<br />

“crack” would fix your neck and everything else,<br />

like waving a magic wand?<br />

HealthSource of Portland West<br />

949 Brighton Ave.<br />

Portland, ME 04102<br />

Phone: (207) 780-1070<br />

But the facts of anatomy show that the muscles<br />

move the spine and the spine affects the nerves.<br />

In other words...<br />

The Knee Bone’s Connected To The Thigh Bone:<br />

Which is Why Many Treatments FAIL!<br />

There’s more to this old saying than meets the<br />

eye, and it’s the reason so many treatments fail:<br />

because they ONLY look at where the pain is—<br />

but the problem may be further away.<br />

“For 5 or 6 years HealthSource has been my savior. You’ve<br />

cured my vertigo and trigger fingers. Helped the pain in my<br />

ankle. My back was so bad I cried and could hardly walk.<br />

HealthSource did decompression, electric stim, exercises and<br />

massage. Your staff is excellent and your office a place of joy.<br />

I’ve sent several patients to you and will continue to recommend<br />

you. LOVE YOU GUYS!” —Mary Smith<br />

“I had back pain with the inability to raise my right leg<br />

more than 1/2˝. I was seen by a neurologist and told my problem<br />

was chronic. At HealthSource, by the time I had the 2nd<br />

adjustment, I was able to lift my leg to a 90° angle when laying<br />

down. I feel much better! Walking is no longer a chore for<br />

me. If HealthSource can help me, I feel that they can help<br />

anyone.” —Nancy E. Hamilton<br />

And just treating the area of pain is as bad as<br />

replacing your new tires when they go bald<br />

quickly. It’s the alignment causing the problem,<br />

not the tires.<br />

Susan Felt Angry at Her Doc’s<br />

INSULTING Question!<br />

In a nutshell, Susan wanted her neck fixed...<br />

period! But her HealthSource doc asked her a<br />

question that kept gnawing at her like a<br />

toothache.<br />

FREE “Yard Work” Neck Screening<br />

with a $10 donation for Easter Seals<br />

Community Service Screening!<br />

Why a FREE Screening? Because frankly, I don’t expect<br />

anyone to believe it’s possible to get better so quickly<br />

and easily...and why should they? So many folks get<br />

their hopes up ...then they’re dashed the next day.<br />

They’ve taken dangerous drugs, had useless therapies<br />

and shots that have only made them worse. I’d feel the<br />

same way. That’s why I’m making it absolutely RISK FREE<br />

to try us out. This is our complete 19-point screening...<br />

notsome scaled-down version. We investigate:<br />

spine • pinched nerves • head posture • neck<br />

trigger points • muscle tightness • joints tendons<br />

range of motion • stuck nerves ligaments<br />

muscle balance<br />

(Even X-rays are included FREE if necessary!<br />

Only valid until 4-16-10.<br />

This offer does not apply to federal insurance<br />

benefi ciaries and ACN participants.<br />

Sure, the neck felt better, but the question was<br />

strange, and she’d never thought about it. Susan<br />

kept mulling it over until she was ready to<br />

explode. The doc asked her, “How committed<br />

are you to your health?”<br />

Susan was indignant, and in agony, yet her<br />

doc was asking goofy questions. After all, wasn’t<br />

it obvious she was committed to her health?<br />

Wasn’t she IN the office?<br />

“I Was a Bold-Faced LIAR!”<br />

Susan thought about it, then finally admitted,<br />

“I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was lying to<br />

myself...AND to my doctor. You see, I wasn’t really<br />

committed to my health. I was overweight, out of<br />

shape, in pain, and couldn’t even pull a few weeds<br />

without totally falling apart!”<br />

Yet despite the odds, that one little question<br />

sparked an amazing turnaround in her life. It<br />

motivated her to start a diet and exercise plan at<br />

Thanksgiving...the worst possible time for exercising<br />

self-control. But she started out very<br />

gradually...<br />

And with guidance and encouragement from<br />

her HealthSource doc, day by day she started to<br />

exercise...just a little at a time. And yes, she had<br />

a few aches and pains along the way, but her doc<br />

took care of those, too. Then there was...<br />

The Romance?<br />

Like many things that start<br />

out bad, her neck problem<br />

was a blessing in disguise,<br />

because soon Susan started<br />

to jog. And her husband Phil<br />

was running, too. Susan<br />

even thought it was romantic...if<br />

you don’t count the<br />

sweat.<br />

Now, many months later, she’s lost 50<br />

pounds, is feeling strong and fit, her neck is<br />

PAIN FREE, and the weeds don’t even bother to<br />

grow ‘cause they know they don’t have a chance<br />

with the monster in town. In fact she’s...<br />

As Fit as a Fiddle—As Thin as a Rail!<br />

But YOU don’t have to be a runner or an<br />

exercise buff to grab the FULL advantage of the<br />

exclusive, HealthSource program called<br />

Progressive Rehab. It’s sweeping the the<br />

country, with a network of over 100 doctors,<br />

therapists, and trainers who share professional<br />

secrets...so patients get better FAST.<br />

“Forget the Knee Surgery...I Just Ran 13 Miles!”<br />

“They told me my knees wouldn’t last...that I’d need a replacement<br />

by the time I hit my twenties. Now I’m 43 and with HealthSource,<br />

and a little help from my friends and husband, I just ran a half<br />

marathon and have my sights set on the full 26 miles next year. If I<br />

can do this, just think what YOU can do even if you only want to be<br />

able to bend over and tie your shoes again!” —Susan Reynolds<br />

We don’t just treat the spine, but use PAIN-<br />

FREE therapies, muscle techniques, specific<br />

spinal adjustments and custom tailored stretching.<br />

Before long we want you to:<br />

<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 11<br />

NECK PAIN? Arms Ache?<br />

Can’t Turn<br />

Your Head<br />

While Driving?<br />

A Healthcare<br />

Romance?<br />

(The Absolute WORST Time to Start a Diet? To Heck with the Experts...see story below)<br />

✔ turn your neck like an owl (MUCH safer in traffic)<br />

✔ look up without grabbing your neck<br />

✔ reach into the cupboard without dropping a plate<br />

✔ fasten your bra...BEHIND your back again!<br />

✔ turn over in bed without jabbing pain<br />

Even if you’re a couch potato, I’ll bet you a<br />

FREE Complimentary Community Service<br />

Screening we can help you with your neck and<br />

arm pain.<br />

DON’T GET HALF FIXED!<br />

One other thing. Besides<br />

treating your muscles,<br />

joints, ligaments, tendons<br />

and spine, HealthSource<br />

doctors are specialists in<br />

tracking down HIDDEN or<br />

referred PAIN! Just like<br />

you see in this picture, the<br />

pain is tricky. It likes to<br />

hide and it takes a specialist to find it.<br />

So take advantage of our limited time offer and<br />

join Susan...we’ll help you change your life!<br />

“I Felt Immediate Relief!”<br />

“I had chronic pain in my lower back. After standing<br />

for about 5 minutes my left leg would go numb. I tried<br />

over the counter medications and exercises, but stopped<br />

when symptoms returned of doing simple tasks like<br />

mowing the yard. HealthSource and I chose a course of<br />

treatment that best suited my situation. We set up a<br />

treatment schedule and I had my first adjustment and<br />

felt immediate relief. With each visit I feel better.<br />

HealthSource has given me back a positive attitude. I<br />

have already recommended HealthSource to several<br />

friends and family members. I am extremely pleased<br />

with my results.” —Michael J. Balog<br />

Patients took great care in strictly following the<br />

treatment program prescribed.<br />

The<br />

PROBLEM<br />

is here...<br />

...but the<br />

PAIN is<br />

here!<br />

Community Service Screening<br />

with a $10 donation for Easter Seals<br />

“A great way to fi nd out about your pain...”<br />

Whether or not you feel pain right now,<br />

let our team of doctors fi nd out for sure with<br />

a 19-point, detailed service screening.<br />

THERE’S NO OTHER OBLIGATION.<br />

Just call us and you’re guaranteed to get in today!<br />

Once we track down your pain, we’ll work on getting<br />

you back to doing the things you love – FAST!<br />

We’re not promising a cure or claiming to be superior,<br />

we simply like to believe that our clinic is built<br />

on helping people feel better.<br />

Make your appointment TODAY!<br />

P.S. It’s Time to STOP wondering “What If,”<br />

and time to START putting the confi dence back<br />

in your body and your life.<br />

There’s ABSOLUTELY nothing to lose.<br />

CALL RIGHT NOW!<br />

P.P.S. Be one of the fi rst 7 people to call<br />

and receive a relaxing 1/4-hour massage.<br />

Start on your road towards recover today!<br />

HealthSource of Portland North<br />

1321 Washington Ave. Ste 212<br />

Portland, ME 04103<br />

Phone: (207) 878-3030<br />

This offer does not apply to federal insurance beneficiaries and ACN participants.


12 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />

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Linda Hersey<br />

Linda Hersey is a<br />

freelance writer.<br />

Gold Star Mother<br />

Nancy Lee Kelley<br />

made a special<br />

point to save as<br />

keepsakes the photos<br />

and letters her son, Capt.<br />

Christopher Scott Cash,<br />

sent home from Iraq.<br />

But the mementos she<br />

collected in scrapbooks<br />

to present to him when<br />

his tour of duty ended<br />

are now Kelley’s fi nal<br />

and most tangible memories<br />

of her son.<br />

Cash was killed in battle<br />

on June 24, 2004, in<br />

Baqubah, Iraq.<br />

The day before Cash<br />

died, he had e-mailed<br />

Kelley a photo that<br />

showed him standing<br />

with some Iraqi children<br />

in front of their school.<br />

He looked happy and<br />

well.<br />

Kelley, 62, refers to<br />

the photo and her son’s<br />

dedication to military<br />

service, when speaking<br />

before groups as a Gold<br />

Star Mother. The term<br />

refers to American women<br />

whose military sons<br />

and daughters lost their<br />

lives in the line of duty.<br />

Cash died while leading<br />

soldiers in battle; he had<br />

served 18 years in the<br />

Army, most recently in<br />

the North Carolina National<br />

Guard.<br />

American Gold Star<br />

Mothers also is the name<br />

of a historic national organization,<br />

dating back<br />

to World War I, that recognizes<br />

and provides<br />

support for women grieving<br />

the loss of children<br />

who died while serving<br />

in the Armed Forces.<br />

Kelley is chaplain of the<br />

<strong>Maine</strong> chapter of Gold<br />

Star Mothers. Although<br />

she says it has been an<br />

honor to serve in the<br />

nonprofi t service organization,<br />

she said that<br />

she hopes none of her<br />

friends or relatives ever<br />

has reason to join.<br />

“It’s a sad organization<br />

to belong to but it also is<br />

a wonderful support system,”<br />

said Kelley, of Old<br />

Orchard Beach. “We are<br />

able to honor our sons<br />

and daughters. I do a lot<br />

of speaking on behalf of<br />

my son.”<br />

This photo of Capt. Christopher Scott Cash with Iraqi school children was taken<br />

the day before his death in Iraq, according to his mother, Nancy Lee Kelley, a<br />

Gold Star Mother. Courtesy photo


honors son’s sacrifi ce<br />

A Closer Look<br />

For more information<br />

on American Gold<br />

Star Mothers, see<br />

www.goldstarmoms.<br />

com/index.htm.<br />

For information on<br />

Run for Cash 5k<br />

<strong>Me</strong>mory Race, see<br />

www.runforcash.org.<br />

Kelley said that she<br />

and her husband, Robert<br />

– who is Cash’s stepfather<br />

– have dedicated<br />

a lot of their lives since<br />

2004 to volunteer work<br />

on behalf of Cash.<br />

“My husband describes<br />

Chris an ‘all American<br />

kid.’ He was a moral<br />

person and a positive<br />

thinker.”<br />

Kelley said that she<br />

hopes her volunteerism<br />

refl ects the spirit and<br />

character of her son, a<br />

strong advocate of education<br />

and military service.<br />

On April 25, Kelley is<br />

scheduled to speak at the<br />

3rd Annual Spring Ride<br />

for the Troops, hosted<br />

by the Veterans of Foreign<br />

Wars Post 6977 of<br />

York. It is sponsored by<br />

the Patriot Riders of New<br />

England.<br />

Nancy and Robert also<br />

organize Hugs of Love<br />

– Remember Our Troops<br />

Support Group, a nonprofi<br />

t group that holds<br />

special fl ag ceremonies<br />

and helps schoolchildren<br />

send “we care” packages<br />

to soldiers.<br />

In 2005, they started<br />

Run for Cash, an annual<br />

5k-race and fun run in<br />

Old Orchard Beach that<br />

raises college scholarship<br />

money in memory<br />

of their son.<br />

This year’s race is on<br />

June 26, close to the aniversary<br />

of his death. It<br />

ncludes a breakfast at<br />

ld Orchard Beach High<br />

Nancy Lee Kelley, shown marching in this undated<br />

fi le photo, is chaplain of the <strong>Maine</strong> chapter of Gold<br />

Star Mothers, an organization she hopes none of<br />

her friends or relatives ever has reason to join.<br />

“It’s a sad organization to belong to but it also is a<br />

wonderful support system,” she says. File photo<br />

School.<br />

The Kelleys so far have<br />

given away $14,500 in<br />

scholarships to high<br />

school seniors in Old<br />

Orchard Beach and at<br />

Thornton Academy.<br />

If the race continues<br />

to grow, Kelley hopes<br />

to expand the scholarship<br />

program to include<br />

Biddeford students, since<br />

her son had many friends<br />

from the neighboring<br />

community.<br />

One of the participants<br />

has been Army<br />

Capt. Andrew Roberts of<br />

New York, who served<br />

with Cash and fi lled his<br />

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14 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />

Gold Star from page 13 be abducted or events murky in the<br />

post after his death. Roberts<br />

shared with Kelley some of<br />

his fi nal memories of her son.<br />

Kelley says she feels blessed<br />

to know the circumstances<br />

of her son’s death, which<br />

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does not always happen for<br />

parents and relatives whose<br />

loved ones served in foreign<br />

countries. The soldiers may<br />

chaos of battle.<br />

Kelley even has an artist’s depiction<br />

of the Battle of Baqubah, where<br />

her son died. The large, framed print<br />

hangs on her living room wall.<br />

Artist Don Stivers recreates war<br />

battles from the confl icts in Iraq<br />

and Afghanistan. Kelley said it took<br />

her a long time to decide whether<br />

to display the painting. But after<br />

talking with her two grandsons,<br />

she felt certain that her son would<br />

want her to show the painting. She<br />

says that it honors his service and<br />

the sacrifi ce he made for his country.<br />

“My husband said, ‘Why no, Nancy?<br />

We are so proud of Chris. This<br />

is nothing to be ashamed of. He<br />

was fi ghting a battle and protecting<br />

his men.’”<br />

Kelley said that Cash was ordering<br />

soldiers to take cover when he<br />

was killed by two bullets to the<br />

head.<br />

The title of the artwork is “Old<br />

Hickory at Baqubah,” referring to<br />

the nickname of Cash’s unit, which<br />

was out of Jacksonville, N.C., where<br />

he lived with his wife and two sons.<br />

Cash grew up in Old Orchard Beach<br />

but later moved south after joining<br />

the military.<br />

A 1985 Old Orchard Beach High<br />

School graduate, Cash was raised<br />

in the two-story red house on Cascade<br />

Road where Nancy and Robert<br />

still live.<br />

It is the same house where two<br />

military offi cers arrived late on<br />

June 24, 2004, to inform Nancy Lee<br />

and Robert Kelley that 36-year-old<br />

Christopher Scott Cash had died in<br />

battle that morning. Kelley said she<br />

felt confused and then numbed by<br />

the news.<br />

She did not join Gold Star Mothers<br />

immediately, and there was no<br />

pressure for her to be a member.<br />

But the group was there for Kelley<br />

when she felt it was time to move<br />

on and show the same courage and<br />

strength that her son displayed.<br />

“I loved Chris more than life itself,”<br />

Kelley said. “He lived his life<br />

in the most positive way. Everyone<br />

who knew him said that.<br />

“He was not out there to set the<br />

world on fi re. He just tried to do the<br />

right thing. A mom could not ask for<br />

anything more.”


Mother-daughter relationships<br />

can be tricky,<br />

but mother-in-law/<br />

daughter-in-law relationships<br />

can be downright<br />

disastrous – or so<br />

it would seem, given the<br />

stereotypical image (the<br />

fi lm “Monster-in-Law”<br />

and a Web site called<br />

motherinlawhell.com<br />

being good examples).<br />

But Julie Donovan<br />

considers herself twice<br />

blessed, having enjoyed<br />

a positive relationship as<br />

a child with the mother<br />

of the man she eventually<br />

married, and later, a<br />

second positive relationship<br />

with her husband’s<br />

stepmother.<br />

She still remembers the<br />

day Patty Donovan died<br />

at the age of 50, in 1973,<br />

leaving nine kids between<br />

the ages of 18 and<br />

6. Julie, 16 at the time,<br />

was best friends with<br />

one of Patty’s daughters,<br />

Annie. The two girls had<br />

spent many summers<br />

playing together on the<br />

beaches of Long Island<br />

in Casco Bay.<br />

Julie and her family,<br />

the Doughtys, lived<br />

year-round on the island,<br />

while Annie and<br />

her family spent summers<br />

there. Julie has<br />

fond memories of going<br />

to Annie’s house.<br />

“There were always<br />

kids coming and going,”<br />

she said. At mealtime,<br />

whoever was there got<br />

fed.<br />

Born on St. Patrick’s<br />

Day, Patty Barron Donovan<br />

had grown up on<br />

the Eastern Promenade<br />

in Portland and began<br />

coming to the island as<br />

a child. She married Joseph<br />

“Dick” Donovan and<br />

they settled in Connecticut.<br />

Deeply religious, she<br />

attended Saturday Mass<br />

at the tiny island church,<br />

Star of the Sea. She always<br />

wanted to know<br />

where her kids were going<br />

and what they were<br />

doing, but, Julie said, she<br />

gave them lots of freedom.<br />

When the boys got<br />

older, she let them set<br />

up a tent next to the cottage,<br />

with one rule: “No<br />

girls in the tent.”<br />

As Julie recalled, Patty<br />

would sit in her kitchen<br />

singing Irish songs and<br />

saying her Rosary, and<br />

would announce, “I’m<br />

praying for everyone<br />

on the island.” Her faith<br />

in God was followed<br />

closely by her faith in the<br />

lottery. “When my ship<br />

comes in, I’m buying all<br />

of you something you<br />

want,” she would say.<br />

Patty’s sudden death<br />

from a stroke in 1983<br />

left Annie and the older<br />

Donovan children helping<br />

one another, and<br />

their father, through<br />

their grief. Julie and Annie<br />

continued their close<br />

friendship into their late<br />

teens, when Julie began<br />

dating Annie’s brother,<br />

Tony. Married in 1983,<br />

Julie and Tony went on<br />

to have their own family,<br />

settling in Portland and<br />

raising two daughters,<br />

Laura Jane and Allie<br />

While Julie says it<br />

would have been a joy<br />

to have had Patty as a<br />

mother-in-law, Tony’s<br />

father’s second marriage<br />

brought another loving<br />

relationship into her life.<br />

Three years after Patty’s<br />

death, Dick Donovan<br />

married Mary Quinlan,<br />

who had been left alone<br />

with three young daughters<br />

after her husband<br />

died of cancer.<br />

<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 15<br />

Holiday to honor moms made offi cial in 1914<br />

Every May women<br />

around the world are<br />

celebrated for their sacrifi<br />

ces and contributions<br />

to the family. With all<br />

that Mom does for her<br />

children, it would seem<br />

like the concept of honoring<br />

her would be ages<br />

old. However, it really<br />

wasn’t until relatively<br />

recently that a celebration<br />

of mothers was instituted.<br />

In ancient Greece individuals<br />

honored Rhea,<br />

mother of the gods.<br />

Christians also celebrat-<br />

ed Mary the mother of<br />

God. But it wasn’t until<br />

the 1900s before the<br />

general mothering population<br />

was celebrated<br />

in earnest.<br />

Ann Marie Reeves<br />

Jarvis was a young Appalachian<br />

homemaker<br />

who, beginning in 1858,<br />

attempted to improve<br />

sanitation and nursing<br />

procedures through<br />

women’s clubs and<br />

what she called “Mothers<br />

Friendship Day.” It<br />

wasn’t Anne Marie, but<br />

rather her daughter, Ann<br />

Jarvis, who created the<br />

Mother’s Day that we<br />

celebrate today.<br />

Anna spent many<br />

years caring for her aging<br />

and ailing mother.<br />

Anne Marie died on<br />

May 9, 1905, and Anna<br />

missed her terribly.<br />

Anna noticed that many<br />

children failed to respect<br />

and honor their mothers<br />

while they were alive,<br />

and it wasn’t until after<br />

they died that these children<br />

recognized what<br />

they had lost in their<br />

parent. She intended to<br />

Loving her mother-in-law – no joke<br />

Julie Donovan, above, is<br />

very close to her motherin-law,<br />

Mary Donovan, top<br />

photo. Courtesy photos<br />

start a Mother’s Day to<br />

honor mothers.<br />

In 1907, Anna Jarvis<br />

attempted to establish<br />

Mother’s Day to<br />

“honor mothers, living<br />

and dead.” She started<br />

the campaign to establish<br />

a national Mother’s<br />

Day. Together with her<br />

friends, Jarvis started a<br />

letter-writing campaign<br />

to urge ministers, businessmen<br />

and congressmen<br />

to declare a national<br />

Mother’s Day holiday.<br />

Her efforts paid off.<br />

The fi rst Mother’s Day<br />

was celebrated on May<br />

10, 1908 and honored<br />

the late Anne Marie<br />

Reeves Jarvis. After this<br />

initial celebration, Mother’s<br />

Day caught on. The<br />

Mother’s Day International<br />

Association was<br />

established on Dec. 12,<br />

1912, to promote and encourage<br />

meaningful observances<br />

of the event.<br />

And on May 9, 1914, a<br />

presidential proclamation<br />

declared that every<br />

year the second Sunday<br />

in May would be observed<br />

as Mother’s Day.<br />

In the ensuing years,<br />

Julie saw Mary Donovan<br />

bring the two households<br />

together, always<br />

gracious, always welcoming.<br />

She grew to<br />

love Dick’s children, and<br />

later his children’s children,<br />

as well as her own<br />

children and grandchildren.<br />

In later years,<br />

Dick’s health declined,<br />

and he died in 1989 of a<br />

heart attack.<br />

Julie remembers a conversation<br />

her friend (and<br />

sister-in-law) Annie had<br />

with Mary after her father<br />

died. Annie was<br />

around 48 at the time.<br />

“You were my age<br />

when you got married,”<br />

she told Mary, “and I<br />

wonder, would I have<br />

wanted to take on all<br />

those kids?”<br />

Mary’s answer was:<br />

“When you love someone<br />

enough, you do.”<br />

Mary Donovan, who<br />

was 81 in February, stays<br />

in touch with nine children,<br />

22 grandchildren<br />

and six great-grandchildren.<br />

She continues to<br />

live alone in her home in<br />

Bristol.<br />

Paula Gibbs<br />

Paula Gibbs is an editor<br />

and writer, and president<br />

of the <strong>Maine</strong> Press<br />

Association. She lives in<br />

Harrison.


16 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />

Yoga Mom pushing Soccer Mom to sidelines<br />

Many women are trading<br />

in their team jerseys for<br />

yoga mats. The busy soccer<br />

mom has transformed<br />

into the calm and ethereal<br />

yoga mom who is more<br />

interested in a stress-free<br />

life than racing around to<br />

sports practices.<br />

For a long time the stereotypical<br />

image of a<br />

mom was a minivan-driving,<br />

white, 40-something<br />

picking up Timmy from<br />

sports practice and Jenny<br />

from cheerleading. Her<br />

fast-paced lifestyle had<br />

her racing between kids’<br />

engagements to home to<br />

other social obligations<br />

in a harried, time-pressed<br />

manner.<br />

But today you’re more<br />

likely to see mom practicing<br />

her asanas instead<br />

of toting clipboards and<br />

team snacks. She’s scooting<br />

around in her Toyota<br />

Prius instead of the Dodge<br />

Caravan and is more<br />

about living in the mo-<br />

ment than over-programming<br />

children with music<br />

lessons and enrichment<br />

classes.<br />

Today’s moms are more<br />

free-spirited and learn-asyou-go<br />

types. They don’t<br />

strive for the same goals<br />

as their mothers before<br />

them. Instead of keeping<br />

up with the Joneses and<br />

striving for perfection, the<br />

Yoga Mom or Eco Mom is<br />

customizing her life the<br />

way she sees fi t.<br />

So what else is different<br />

about women of the Yoga<br />

Mom mind set? A lot, actually.<br />

Today’s moms live<br />

further from their baby<br />

boomer parents, and<br />

aren’t as infl uenced by<br />

their go-getter attitudes.<br />

As such, Eco Moms are<br />

more community-based<br />

and interested in being<br />

everyone’s friends. That’s<br />

why you’re more likely to<br />

fi nd Yoga Moms blogging,<br />

heading grassroots cam-<br />

paigns and seeking new<br />

friends on social networking<br />

sites. Yoga moms are<br />

more about spreading the<br />

word on ways to improve<br />

the community and planet<br />

than receiving the gossip<br />

on how to get ahead or<br />

the best recipe to bring to<br />

the offi ce potluck.<br />

Many Yoga moms saw<br />

their own mothers struggle<br />

with the work-family<br />

balance with little success.<br />

New moms are more<br />

about embracing what’s<br />

real and meaningful than<br />

being caught up in the rat<br />

race.<br />

That isn’t to say today’s<br />

moms are sitting on the<br />

couch catching up with<br />

daytime programming.<br />

They are certainly educated,<br />

successful women.<br />

They’re simply putting<br />

their needs on par with<br />

the needs of their family<br />

and feeling better about<br />

themselves in the process.<br />

Mothers by the numbers<br />

82.8<br />

80<br />

25<br />

4<br />

8<br />

5.3<br />

4.0<br />

1 in 32<br />

Estimated U.S. mothers,<br />

in millions, as of 2004.<br />

Percentage of women 40 to 44<br />

who were mothers in 2006.<br />

Average age of women giving birth<br />

for the fi rst time.<br />

The number of the most common<br />

day of the week (Wednesday)<br />

for births to take place.<br />

The number of the most common<br />

month of the year (August) for births<br />

to take place.<br />

Number of stay-at-home moms,<br />

in millions, in the United States.<br />

Number of moms, in millions, who<br />

give birth each year.<br />

Chance of a mother<br />

giving birth to twins.


THE ESSAY<br />

Childless by choice, and few regrets<br />

People don’t like<br />

sad news, unpleasant<br />

facts. Perhaps<br />

hat’s why few have ever<br />

sked me why I don’t<br />

ave children. They<br />

robably assume I have<br />

nfortunate infertility<br />

roblems or that I never<br />

ad a boyfriend. But the<br />

ast and easy answer to<br />

heir unasked question<br />

s – I never wanted any.<br />

ut how could such an<br />

mportant part of life be<br />

hat simple or easy? It<br />

sn’t and it is.<br />

Perhaps the seed of<br />

y unconventional deision<br />

was sowed when<br />

babysat as a young<br />

een. I remember what<br />

eemed like then as endess<br />

nights, waiting for<br />

he parents to return to<br />

ree me from the borng<br />

burden of their surly<br />

ids. I didn’t want to play<br />

ith them. I didn’t want<br />

o talk to them. I wanted<br />

o read my book.<br />

I did worry about a fi re<br />

n the house while I was<br />

here, about the kid stabing<br />

him/herself with<br />

ome scissors, or geting<br />

lost while playing<br />

utside. (Why then, did<br />

he doctor and his wife<br />

lways fi nd me sleeping<br />

eacefully on the couch<br />

hen they came home?<br />

hankfully for all paries,<br />

I didn’t babysit that<br />

ften.) I never bonded<br />

ith any of the kids – I<br />

atched them, took care<br />

f them, because it was<br />

y job.<br />

In the 1960s and beore,<br />

pregnancy for a<br />

irl in high school was<br />

ot so accepted as it is<br />

oday. Then, the stigma<br />

urrounding unwed teen<br />

others was so great<br />

hat any girl who found<br />

erself in that situation<br />

eft school immediately,<br />

arely to return. Having<br />

the child and giving it up<br />

was one option. Having<br />

the child and keeping it<br />

was the other. Neither<br />

would have been acceptable<br />

to me at that time.<br />

The futures of those<br />

girls were changed forever.<br />

How would they<br />

get along without fi nishing<br />

high school? Would<br />

they ever be able to go to<br />

college? Did the fathers<br />

stick around? What if<br />

those shotgun marriages<br />

were without love? Thus,<br />

I learned at a tender age<br />

to consider pregnancy as<br />

a fearful thing that ruined<br />

lives, not as a lifestyle<br />

option. The negative<br />

association stuck.<br />

The idea that I could<br />

choose to never have<br />

children took root as I<br />

negotiated the diffi cult<br />

waters of relationships<br />

in the age of “free love.”<br />

Ha – that phrase was<br />

certainly not true. There<br />

was nothing free about<br />

it. I feared the shoals of<br />

bondage, both to a conventional<br />

life and to the<br />

overwhelming sense of<br />

responsibility that I would<br />

feel toward a child if I<br />

had to be a 100 percent<br />

mother. I saw so much<br />

divorce, I fi gured the<br />

odds were that I’d end up<br />

a single mother. I wanted<br />

to be free, and knew<br />

if I did not honor that, I<br />

would become an embittered<br />

woman, resentful<br />

of her children.<br />

Seeing a lot of bad parents<br />

and seriously distressed<br />

kids also reassured<br />

me that becoming<br />

a parent was something<br />

one should take seriously.<br />

In my heart I knew<br />

that, to have children, I<br />

needed to fi nd someone<br />

who would fully share<br />

the responsibility, be<br />

more than a 20 percent<br />

dad. He needed to know<br />

that little Johnny needed<br />

changing, and do it<br />

without me having to tell<br />

him. I never found that<br />

person until it was too<br />

late to start a family.<br />

Perhaps the fact that my<br />

sister married young and<br />

started her family while I<br />

was just leaving for college,<br />

but for whatever<br />

reason, I was blessed<br />

that I had parents who<br />

accepted my sometimesodd<br />

life choices and never<br />

pressured me to have<br />

kids. Perhaps others<br />

around me also recognized<br />

that I was headed<br />

for a life different from<br />

that of my parents and<br />

peers. My having children<br />

was never a topic<br />

of conversation.<br />

I made the decision not<br />

to have children when<br />

I began a serious relationship<br />

in my 30s with<br />

someone who did not<br />

want them, either. What<br />

a relief. I didn’t have to<br />

explain myself anymore,<br />

or feel like a freak. Even<br />

once the relationship<br />

ended, I still felt comfortable<br />

with my lifestyle,<br />

even though some<br />

people I met who were<br />

parents used to look at<br />

me with a mixture of<br />

distain, sympathy and<br />

jealousy. I, the childless<br />

30-something, going off<br />

on trips, spending hours<br />

reading quietly, spending<br />

hours alone.<br />

Yet as the years went<br />

by, and I approached the<br />

age of no return, I would<br />

wonder: Was I making<br />

a mistake? Each time I<br />

checked, I saw that the<br />

conditions I needed to<br />

be a mother were still<br />

not there. And I was<br />

terrifi ed of screwing up<br />

some innocent kid’s life<br />

because I was so ambivalent.<br />

I am grateful that I<br />

have had the time, the<br />

focus and the energy to<br />

put into two different careers,<br />

countless friends,<br />

decades of international<br />

travel (including long<br />

summers in Greece) and<br />

my later-in-life marriage.<br />

I was able to spend many<br />

evenings at the theater<br />

as a critic, and as many<br />

longer nights writing<br />

up those reviews, then<br />

driving home at 1 in the<br />

morning. I could go off<br />

to conferences, try some<br />

travel writing, have adventures<br />

without worrying<br />

about having to get<br />

home.<br />

And now we come to<br />

the crux of it: Sure, I’ve<br />

had a wonderful life with<br />

the freedom to do what I<br />

wanted, to take risks, to<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 17<br />

follow a non-traditional<br />

path. But there has been<br />

a price. I don’t have kids.<br />

I never knew the joy of<br />

creating a new life. I<br />

don’t have the comfort<br />

of knowing my unique<br />

gene pool will continue.<br />

There’s no one to count<br />

on to be there for me in<br />

my old age.<br />

It was good that I<br />

didn’t have the total responsibility<br />

for a baby. It<br />

was bad I didn’t have the<br />

total responsibility for a<br />

baby. What an awesome<br />

experience it must be.<br />

So, each choice – to become<br />

a parent or to not<br />

– has a price. It’s up to<br />

each woman to decide<br />

which of the two options<br />

make sense for her.<br />

I know I made the right<br />

decision for myself.<br />

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18 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />

<strong>Me</strong>l Howards<br />

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BOOK REVIEW<br />

Fearless and ingenious,<br />

these women held their own<br />

No matter what you<br />

know about the role<br />

of women in the<br />

Revolutionary War, prepare<br />

to discard it when you read<br />

“Founding Mothers: The<br />

<strong>Women</strong> Who Raised Our<br />

Nation,” which is overfl owing<br />

with information about<br />

some of the outstanding<br />

women who fought the war<br />

in so many different ways.<br />

As Washington wrote in<br />

a letter to Annis Stockton<br />

after he left the presidency:<br />

“For indeed, I think you ladies<br />

are in the number of<br />

the best patriots America<br />

can boast.” His wife, Martha,<br />

was one of the most<br />

engaged in helping the soldiers<br />

and their families, often<br />

at great risk to herself.<br />

We all know something,<br />

not nearly enough, about<br />

Abigail Adams and Dolly<br />

Madison and Martha Washington,<br />

but may not know<br />

about Sally Jay or the lively,<br />

fl irtatious Kitty Greene, or<br />

about the women spies, or<br />

the women who repelled<br />

rampaging British soldiers,<br />

or the woman who burned<br />

New York City to protect<br />

Washington, and more. The<br />

book – an appropriate read<br />

to acknowledge Mother’s<br />

Day – details the relationships<br />

among all of the wellknown<br />

Revolutionary War<br />

men and the women they<br />

married or loved, overtly or<br />

covertly. The historical context<br />

is lush with accounts of<br />

the battles, on and off the<br />

fi eld, and with diplomatic efforts<br />

as well as the some of<br />

the despicable betrayals.<br />

In all of this intrigue and<br />

death and confusion, there<br />

appeared a beacon of sanity<br />

and determination fueled<br />

by some of the bravest,<br />

most intelligent, most loyal<br />

“Founding Mothers: The <strong>Women</strong> Who Raised Our Nation,”<br />

by Cokie Roberts. Published by Harper Collins<br />

women you have ever met.<br />

Most of the women were left<br />

to care for children and the<br />

property for long periods<br />

of time while their famous<br />

husbands were off to war<br />

or on a diplomatic mission.<br />

Mail took months, so that<br />

uncertainty and impending<br />

dread hung over most<br />

households. Some women<br />

and their children were able<br />

to follow their husbands to<br />

areas near the battlefi elds to<br />

attend parties during winter<br />

breaks from battle. Also attending<br />

were some of the<br />

camp followers, looking for<br />

husbands among the offi -<br />

cers. But many women did<br />

not go out for fear that the<br />

British would destroy their<br />

homes and property, or for<br />

fear of rape or of Indian attacks.<br />

They made do with<br />

the barest minimum of food<br />

and security, maintaining<br />

their families with ingenuity<br />

and fearlessness.<br />

Deborah Franklin was the<br />

most devastated, the most<br />

rudely treated wife of all.<br />

Ben was gone for 16 of the<br />

last 17 years of their married<br />

life, gaining a reputation<br />

politically and as a<br />

rake. She remained deeply<br />

in love with him and faithful<br />

until she could take no<br />

more. Late in her life she<br />

gave up hope of ever having<br />

him home. She died as she<br />

had lived for so long: alone<br />

and unloved.<br />

The women were very<br />

well-informed about the<br />

politics of the years just before<br />

the war, during the war,<br />

and just after. They were involved<br />

every step of the way<br />

and tolerated unbearable<br />

losses but remained loyal<br />

supporters of the cause, encouraging<br />

their husbands<br />

and sons to persevere in the<br />

struggle for freedom from<br />

British control no matter the<br />

sacrifi ces they were suffering<br />

and would continue to<br />

suffer. Such love and sacrifi<br />

ce have rarely, if ever, been<br />

matched.<br />

The letters are a vivid a<br />

portrayal of their daily lives<br />

amid the chaos and terror<br />

of war that was right on<br />

their doorsteps, literally and<br />

fi guratively. Roberts, from a<br />

political family herself, does<br />

justice to the period and to<br />

the men and women who<br />

made the country free, but<br />

she does occasionally snipe<br />

a bit by adding a short snide<br />

comment that bespeaks her<br />

own feminism. This is minimal<br />

and does not affect the<br />

overall effect of the stories<br />

she is telling so dramatically.<br />

<strong>Women</strong> of all ages should<br />

read this book to learn a<br />

more complete account<br />

of the roles these women<br />

played in a time of such<br />

danger and brutality, long<br />

before women were given<br />

the respect they deserved<br />

by the men they supported.<br />

They did not wait for independence,<br />

they helped to<br />

create it. If there had been<br />

a Nobel Prize then, these<br />

women would have earned<br />

it, many times over.


THE LONG VIEW<br />

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<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 19<br />

Laura Bush wins new admirers Nancy Grape<br />

Laura Bush is out and about and<br />

aglow. Since leaving the White<br />

House, the former fi rst lady has<br />

ound her spot – and her spotlight. The<br />

rst, she says, comes in expanded private<br />

ime with her twin daughters, 28-year-old<br />

arbara and Jenna. The second shines on<br />

he lecture circuit, where her call for more<br />

nd better opportunities for women is met<br />

ith standing ovations.<br />

It’s an odd turn of career, you might<br />

hink, for a school teacher and libraran<br />

who moved seamlessly into life as a<br />

ealthy Texas mother, homemaker and<br />

olitical wife. But an hour or two in her<br />

ompany makes clear that no fi nishing<br />

chool in the world polishes a woman into<br />

public fi gure the way eight years in the<br />

hite House “bubble” can do. Bush may<br />

ave begun her career as a reticent libraran,<br />

but, at age 63, she’s a sleek, self-asured,<br />

well-dressed and well-coiffed fi gre,<br />

at ease with overfl owing audiences.<br />

I saw and heard Bush recently at a colege<br />

campus where she was speaking. So,<br />

ow is she doing?<br />

“I’m having a lot of fun with my adult<br />

aughters,” she said, drawing indulgent<br />

miles from her audience.<br />

It’s diffi cult not to smile at Laura Bush<br />

hen she’s addressing a large crowd. First<br />

ff, she’s good at it. She is a warm fi gure<br />

nd she invites her audience to like her.<br />

tanding at a microphone in a red suit that<br />

aressed her slim fi gure, with gleaming<br />

air, sculpted cheekbones and a radiating<br />

mile, she grew quickly at ease with the<br />

arge crowd.<br />

“When you think about all the things<br />

hat have been said about her husband, it<br />

ust be pretty tough on her,” an 81-yearld-woman<br />

sitting near me whispered to<br />

er companion. Bush herself took a more<br />

ocking tone. “I’d like to report that now<br />

hat we’re back in our house in Dallas I’d<br />

ike to say things are back to normal. But<br />

’m not sure I remember what ‘normal’ is,”<br />

he said.<br />

Looking at George W. Bush’s term from<br />

he other end, she characterized the “harowing<br />

transition” her family made in<br />

oving into the White House. True, she<br />

eclared, they had “moved into a house<br />

hat we knew very well” for four years<br />

when it was home to her inlaws,<br />

Barbara and George H.W.<br />

Bush. But nothing, she emphasized,<br />

“could have prepared us<br />

for the awesome responsibility<br />

of living there.”<br />

The Bush clan would certainly<br />

try. Laura Bush recalled that she<br />

had taken comfort in the presence<br />

of 23 family members in<br />

the White House on Inauguration<br />

Night.<br />

There was comfort, too, in the<br />

timing of that term’s beginning.<br />

Despite many problems in the<br />

world, Bush recalled, “global<br />

terrorism had yet to emerge as<br />

a threat to our country.”<br />

When terrorism did strike<br />

forcefully – destroying New<br />

York City’s World Trade Center<br />

in 2001 – the fi rst lady watched<br />

with the rest of us, on television.<br />

In the aftermath, she revealed,<br />

she was taken to a “safe haven”<br />

below the White House “that<br />

looks like something decorated<br />

in the Nixon era. And like all of<br />

you,” she told her solemn audience,<br />

“we woke up on Sept.12 to<br />

a different reality.”<br />

It’s a reality with new and<br />

challenging roles for women,<br />

Bush said.<br />

“I believe that women are a vital<br />

force for social change,” she<br />

declared. “I believe that it’s important<br />

the United States stand<br />

with women who are speaking<br />

out and compelling change.”<br />

In Afghanistan the need to<br />

support women is particularly<br />

vital, she indicated. “Even with<br />

the progress, much work remains,”<br />

she said, emphasizing,<br />

“This is our only chance. If we<br />

don’t make it this time, there<br />

won’t be another.”<br />

Laura Bush does not step before<br />

microphones and overfl ow<br />

crowds to criticize her husband’s<br />

presidency. She speaks<br />

to support his actions, his heritage<br />

and what she believes the<br />

future may hold. As a result, individuals<br />

listened and left with<br />

their opinions about the Bush<br />

years – pro or con – pretty much<br />

intact.<br />

As for personal honors she<br />

values, Laura Bush summed<br />

up, “The greatest honor of being<br />

fi rst lady was being able every<br />

day to watch not only my husband<br />

but every American stand<br />

up to fear.”<br />

Agree with her or not, she’s a<br />

gutsy lady, this part-time <strong>Maine</strong>r,<br />

Laura Bush.<br />

Nancy Grape served for<br />

16 years as an editorial<br />

writer and member of<br />

the editorial board for the<br />

Portland Press Herald and<br />

<strong>Maine</strong> Sunday Telegram.<br />

Her column commenting<br />

on state and national<br />

affairs for the Telegram<br />

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20 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />

Joanne Lannin<br />

A daily newspaper reporter for many<br />

years, she is now well into her second<br />

areer, English teacher at Bonny Eagle<br />

High School.<br />

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TABLE TALK<br />

What cooks do chefs admire<br />

With six boys and a<br />

husband to feed,<br />

Jacqueline Marie<br />

Tranchemontagne of Sanford<br />

always had something<br />

cooking on the stove. At least<br />

that’s how her chef-son James<br />

Tranchemontagne, the owner<br />

of the Frog and Turtle Gastro<br />

Pub in Westbrook, remembers<br />

it. He says his mother’s<br />

cooking was a big infl uence<br />

on his career choice, as well<br />

as some of the French-Canadian<br />

items on his menus.<br />

Steve Corry, the chef/owner<br />

of 555 Congress Street in Portland,<br />

was also infl uenced by<br />

his mother, Claire Corry, and<br />

her love of cooking. Growing<br />

up in Hingham, Mass., he<br />

remembers vividly the meals<br />

his mother cooked for her<br />

family of four. And he credits<br />

her for nudging him away<br />

from a career in fi nance to explore<br />

his own love of cooking,<br />

beer making and food.<br />

“She was very infl uential,”<br />

Corry recalls. “She always<br />

preached to enjoy what you<br />

do fi rst, and then success will<br />

follow. That really paved the<br />

way for me.”<br />

Before the Food Network<br />

made stars out of chefs such<br />

as Emeril Lagasse and led<br />

to an increased interest in<br />

culinary arts careers, budding<br />

chefs often developed<br />

their love of food and cooking<br />

by watching their stay-athome<br />

moms. With Mother’s<br />

Day approaching, Corry and<br />

Tranchemontagne were happy<br />

to revisit their memories<br />

of their moms and the magic<br />

they worked with food.<br />

“Still to this day I think of<br />

meals she cooked that were<br />

more memorable than any<br />

I’ve had in top restaurants,”<br />

says Tranchemontagne, who<br />

owned Uffa! in Portland before<br />

opening an upscale gastro-pub,<br />

The Frog and Turtle,<br />

and a nearby eatery called<br />

The French Press, in downtown<br />

Westbrook.<br />

Claire Corry, second right, has been a big infl uence on her<br />

chef son Steve. Shown here in this family photo are, from<br />

left, James Corry, Christine Duggan, chef Steve Corry, John<br />

Corry, Claire Corry and Tom Corry. Courtesy photo<br />

For Tranchemontagne, 35,<br />

growing up in a traditional<br />

French-Canadian household<br />

meant being surrounded by<br />

food. His pepe was a butcher<br />

and he remembers, at a young<br />

age, thinking the meats and<br />

salamis hanging on hooks<br />

were all very cool. With six<br />

boys to feed, his mother always<br />

seemed to be in the<br />

kitchen or out back harvesting<br />

things from her garden.<br />

Sunday dinner was an all-day<br />

affair, he recalls, where the<br />

extended family would gather<br />

at long tables after church.<br />

Friday nights usually meant<br />

grilled cheese sandwiches<br />

and homemade soups, utilizing<br />

leftovers and vegetables<br />

from the garden.<br />

“She never wasted anything,”<br />

Tranchemontagne recalls.<br />

“Those were the Franco-American<br />

values.”<br />

Tranchemontagne gravitated<br />

toward restaurant work<br />

even in high school. At 19,<br />

he got his fi rst break, working<br />

at Windows on the Water<br />

in Kennebunk, where he<br />

was encouraged to pursue<br />

cooking as a career. Once he<br />

opened his own restaurant,<br />

the infl uence of his French-<br />

Canadian roots came to the<br />

fore. Uffa! in Portland featured<br />

gourmet adaptations<br />

of the soups, potatoes and<br />

meat dishes he’d grown up<br />

on. At the Frog and Turtle,<br />

he says his holiday pork pies<br />

555 Lobster Mac & Cheese<br />

and creton (pork spread) are<br />

prepared exactly the same<br />

way his mother made them.<br />

The brunch items, such as<br />

the Franco-American Benedict<br />

and Frenchie Sandwich<br />

(scrambled eggs with creton),<br />

were also inspired by meals<br />

from his mother’s kitchen.<br />

Lovers of Tranchemontagne’s<br />

traditional French-<br />

Canadian doughnuts, which<br />

have become the signature<br />

item on his brunch menu, also<br />

have his mother to thank. He<br />

started making them at Uffa!<br />

to replace the cinnamon buns<br />

that were a popular item on<br />

the former owner’s brunch<br />

menu.<br />

Tranchemontagne has added<br />

variations to his mom’s<br />

recipe since then. Jacqueline<br />

Tranchemontagne made her<br />

This is a dish truly inspired by my mother’s homemade version<br />

(though there is no lobster in hers).<br />

– Stephen Corry<br />

Cheese sauce ingredients<br />

¾ quart heavy cream<br />

¾ quart whole milk<br />

2 ounces blonde roux<br />

8 ounces Fontina cheese<br />

4 ounces cheddar cheese<br />

2 ounces grated Parmesan<br />

2 ounces cream cheese<br />

1 teaspoon salt<br />

Procedure<br />

Bring cream/milk to a simmer. Add salt, whisk in roux (cold) and<br />

return to a simmer. Cook 5-10 minutes then remove from heat. In<br />

blender, slowly add cheese to thickened cream/milk mixture. Blitz<br />

until smooth. Be sure to taste and season. Makes about 2 quarts of<br />

sauce.<br />

Lobster and garnishes<br />

Boil fresh lobster in salted water until almost fully cooked (5 minutes<br />

for 1½ pound lobster).<br />

Shell lobster, remove tail, knuckle, claw meat and cut into reasonably<br />

sized pieces (leaving one claw whole for garnish). Finish cooking<br />

lobster at 160 degrees for about 3 minutes right before serving in<br />

melted butter.<br />

Cook your pasta until al dente, at the same time warm up your cheese<br />

sauce Add pasta, sauce, lobster in a bowl. Finish with white truffl e oil<br />

and sliced black truffl es, garnish with lobster claw. You can also add<br />

a crunchy component such as fried leeks or onions.


most? Mom, of course<br />

cinnamon-sugar doughnuts<br />

in a cast-iron pan with<br />

lots of lard, while Tranchemontagne’s<br />

doughnuts are<br />

the product of a commercial<br />

doughnut fryolater. He<br />

uses soybean oil, which is<br />

transfat free, and he has<br />

gone beyond the sugar and<br />

cinnamon of his youth,<br />

adding peanut butter, honey,<br />

walnuts, and an amazing<br />

assortment of ingredients<br />

to the crusty, plump<br />

masses of fried dough that<br />

customers rave about. He<br />

says his mother loves them<br />

even more than her own.<br />

Creton<br />

“My mother is a huge<br />

part of my love for food,”<br />

says Tranchemontagne.<br />

“It’s a shame she wasted<br />

her talent on six boys. She<br />

understands everything<br />

about cooking.”<br />

Steve Corry’s memories<br />

of his mother cooking go<br />

back to the days before<br />

he was tall enough to see<br />

what she was preparing<br />

on the kitchen counter.<br />

“I was always underfoot,<br />

begging to help out,”<br />

he says. “I’d reach up and<br />

grab a handful of raw<br />

hamburger and eat it be-<br />

To all the memeres and good French Canadian ladies out<br />

there. I know we all have little tweaks and twists to our<br />

recipes. This is passed down from my grand memere.<br />

– James Tranchemontagne<br />

2 tablespoons vegetable oil<br />

5 pounds 80 percent lean ground pork<br />

1 large white onion (softball size), fi nely diced<br />

1 tablespoon cinnamon<br />

1 tablespoon nutmeg<br />

4 whole cloves ground (never use ground cloves)<br />

1½ quarts water<br />

¼ cup cornstarch for slurry (1:2 parts ration for slurry –<br />

¼ cup corn starch to ½ cup water)<br />

Steps<br />

1. In large pot add oil and cook ground pork, on medium<br />

heat, until half way cooked. Be very careful not to brown<br />

the pork.<br />

2. Add diced onion and stir till onions are translucent and<br />

pork is cooked through. Again do not brown meat.<br />

3. Add all spices and stir.<br />

4. Add water. Depending on pot size and depth, water<br />

amount will change. You are trying to just cover the pork<br />

by a ½ inch<br />

5. Simmer for 2 ½ hours, stirring every 20 minutes or so.<br />

Do not boil.<br />

6. When water is below pork and the mixture looks to<br />

hold its own structure, add salt and pepper to taste, adjust<br />

seasons if needed. If OK, add slurry and stir for 2 minutes.<br />

7. Pour and cool on counter for 2 hours, then wrap and<br />

move to fridge overnight<br />

8. Tip: It is easier to cool it as one big batch, then divide<br />

it into smaller portions and freeze (or give as gifts if you<br />

are really nice). It can be frozen for up to three months<br />

and keeps in the fridge for a week or more. It is great as<br />

a spread with cheese. We grew up eating it on toast or<br />

English muffi ns with dijon mustard. It also can be used for<br />

meat for a sandwich.<br />

fore she could stop me. I<br />

guess I fooled myself into<br />

thinking it was steak tartare.”<br />

Claire Corry’s infl uence<br />

on her son went beyond instilling<br />

a love of food, however.<br />

After high school, he<br />

went off to college without<br />

a clue as to what he<br />

wanted to do. He thought<br />

he should pursue a career<br />

in corporate fi nance, like<br />

his father. But when he<br />

struggled academically,<br />

his mother nudged him in<br />

the direction of biology, a<br />

more hands-on fi eld that<br />

he’d always seemed to<br />

love in high school.<br />

After college, he bought<br />

beer-making equipment to<br />

get in on the microbrewing<br />

craze, which was becoming<br />

popular all over the<br />

country. With his mom’s<br />

do-what-you-love philoso-<br />

phy in mind, he become a<br />

member of the American<br />

Brewer’s Guild in California<br />

and became a brewmaster<br />

for several pubs and restaurants<br />

in California.<br />

He and his wife Michelle<br />

came to <strong>Maine</strong> 10 years<br />

ago with the idea of opening<br />

their own brew pub.<br />

But courses at the New<br />

England Culinary Instititute<br />

in Vermont sparked his interest<br />

in creative cuisine.<br />

He worked as a chef at<br />

Domain Chandon in Napa,<br />

Calif., and the White Barn<br />

Inn in <strong>Maine</strong>. In 2003, he<br />

and Michelle opened 555<br />

Congress Street. Corry<br />

was named one of the top<br />

10 new chefs by Food and<br />

Wine Magazine in 2007.<br />

Corry says he uses his<br />

memories of his mom’s<br />

cooking as inspiration<br />

from time to time, as he<br />

<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 21<br />

strives to make contemporary<br />

dishes out of traditional<br />

classics. A recent menu<br />

item, in fact, the housemade<br />

rosemary-infused<br />

fettucine with braised<br />

veal, was recreated with<br />

his mom’s Hungarian goulash<br />

dish in mind.<br />

“I like to do a twist on<br />

the old classics that mom<br />

would make,” he says.<br />

Though he’s an awardwinning<br />

chef, Corry still<br />

admires his mother’s<br />

knack for making memorable<br />

meals out of traditional<br />

comfort foods, he<br />

says.<br />

“The last time I visited,<br />

we raided her freezer and<br />

had some of her spaghetti<br />

and meatballs when we<br />

got home,” he continues.<br />

“It’s a recipe passed down<br />

from her own mother. I still<br />

think it’s the best.”<br />

James Tranchemontagne shares a dance with his mother, Jacqueline Marie Tranchemontagne of Sanford,<br />

at his wedding in 2006. “I think of meals she cooked that were more memorable than any I’ve had in top<br />

restaurants,” says Tranchemontagne, a chef and owner of two restaurants. Courtesy photo


22 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />

MaryAnn Molloy<br />

MaryAnn Molloy is an<br />

ACSM-certifi ed personal<br />

rainer who runs Healthy<br />

Body, Fit Mind of South<br />

Portland. Contact her at m<br />

aryann@healthybodyfi tm<br />

ind.com, call 767-4499 or<br />

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FITNESS FOCUS<br />

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Moms must fi nd workout time<br />

Many women realize<br />

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are infi nite, fi nding<br />

time for themselves becomes<br />

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Most mothers fi nd themselves<br />

giving everything<br />

to everyone else, and<br />

very little to themselves.<br />

So, how can busy mothers<br />

fi nd the time to regularly<br />

exercise and stay fi t?<br />

Here are a few tips for all<br />

the busy moms trying to<br />

fi t themselves into their<br />

own schedule:<br />

• Incorporate your children<br />

in your workout<br />

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routine. According to<br />

the Centers for Disease<br />

control, the number of<br />

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rise over the past two decades.<br />

Get out and play<br />

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only does this set a good<br />

example, but also but<br />

you all will benefi t from<br />

the activity. Jump rope,<br />

play soccer, tag, or on a<br />

rainy day try the Wii.<br />

• Encourage your children<br />

to take a long and<br />

brisk walk with you<br />

every day. It is a great<br />

time to catch up, and<br />

connect with your kids<br />

while getting some fresh<br />

air and exercise at the<br />

same time. Or, if they are<br />

teenagers, do not readily<br />

offer to drive them. If<br />

you know they are safe,<br />

where they are going and<br />

it is daylight, recommend<br />

they walk with a friend<br />

or take their bike.<br />

• If your children are<br />

still in a stroller, pack<br />

them up and go walking,<br />

jogging or running.<br />

Many fi tness centers<br />

have child care available.<br />

Try to fi nd a gym with a<br />

children’s area.<br />

• Try resistance training.<br />

A recent University<br />

of <strong>Maine</strong> study showed<br />

that 30 minutes of resistance<br />

training burned as<br />

many calories as doing<br />

6-minute-per-mile pace<br />

run for the same amount<br />

of time. This is not to<br />

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or cardiovascular exercise,<br />

but those days when<br />

you simply do not have<br />

time, 30 minutes can get<br />

you a great workout. Resistance<br />

training burns<br />

calories, helps posture<br />

and helps prevent osteo-<br />

<br />

<br />

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porosis. Pick up a few<br />

weights, stretch bands,<br />

or use your own body<br />

(i.e., pushups, walking<br />

lunges, etc.) and give it<br />

a try.<br />

• Get an exercise buddy.<br />

Studies show that<br />

people are more likely<br />

to stick with an exercise<br />

program when they have<br />

a partner. You can encourage<br />

each other, push<br />

each other, and keep<br />

each other on track. Another<br />

busy mom might<br />

be just what you need<br />

to make fi tness a part of<br />

your life.


MOMMILIES<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<br />

<strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong> APRIL 2010 23<br />

What’s the best advice your mom gave you?<br />

Stay in school and look forard<br />

to the future of college.<br />

Abigail Richards,<br />

Limington<br />

Always keep your sense of<br />

humor.<br />

Pat Brown, Portland<br />

Do it on your own, because<br />

no one will do it for you.<br />

Veronica Bates,<br />

Westbrook<br />

In order to have a friend,<br />

you must fi rst be a friend.<br />

Kate Hersom, Portland<br />

Athlete’s Training Systems<br />

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Do unto others as you would<br />

have others do unto you.<br />

Jody Nutting, Westbrook<br />

Don’t sweat the small stuff.<br />

Kathryn Begos,<br />

Westbrook<br />

Photos by Leslie Bridgers


24 APRIL 2010 <strong>Maine</strong> <strong>Women</strong><br />

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