Maine Women - Keep Me Current

Maine Maine Women
APRIL 2010 FREE
A second chance
Page 3
Everyone’s mom
Page 6
Chefs’ infl uences
Page 20
CELEBRATING MOTHERS

2 APRIL 2010 Maine Women
INDEX
A second chance at motherhood Page 3
A mom for all reasons Page 6
Apple a Day Page 8
Lightly Roasted Page 9
Quarterlife Lessons Page 10
Gold Star Mother Page 12
History of Mother’s Day Page 15
Loving her mother-in-law Page 15
Soccer Moms transformed Page 16
The Essay Page 17
Book Review Page 18
The Long View Page 19
Table Talk Page 20
Fitness Focus Page 22
Mommilies Page 23
ON THE COVER: Kim DeMado with her newborn
son, Jackson. She writes about having a second
chance at motherhood on page 3. Courtesy photo
Contributors
SHARON BAGALIO
LESLIE BRIDGERS
KIM DEMADO
KATHY ELISCU
PAULA GIBBS
NANCY GRAPE
MEL HOWARDS
LINDA HERSEY
FROM THE PUBLISHER
Let’s celebrate moms
Welcome to spring in
Maine.
After we endure the 40
days and 40 nights of rain, we will
be paid off with black fl ies, ticks,
and of course, our state bird,
the mosquito. We will also be
rewarded with early crocuses and
tulips poking through the mud, a
steady chorus of evening peepers,
and a season of new beginnings
and growth. We are devoting our
spring issue of Maine Women
to moms – whether it’s Mother
Earth or your own mother, let’s
face it, moms hold the key to new
beginnings.
The stories in this particular issue
are happy, sad, funny and promising.
I’ve just fi nished reading Taryn
Plumb’s piece about the quintessential
“neighborhood mom,” Gayle
Marie Page. What a wonderful
tribute to Page and all who loved
her. She opened her home and her
heart to an extended family of kids,
who I’m sure will never forget her.
Over the years, I have aspired to
be the kind of mom that Page is
described as, always opening up
my home to the friends and families
of my own kids. Many Saturday
mornings I wake up and the
fi rst thought is, how many extras
do we have sleeping in the house?
Sunday brunches, mid-week meals
and late-night visits from all of the
JOANNE LANNIN
MARYANN MOLLOY
TARYN PLUMB
MARY SNELL
kids and their friends bring a lot of
joy and laughter to our home. I love
having grown kids who want to
come and hang out and bring their
friends along.
I’m sure I inherited this quality
from my own mother, who was always
willing to set an extra plate
at the table, bring a friend on the
family vacations, and host the
summer pool parties for all of my
friends. When she died a year or so
ago, it was these friends who came
to celebrate her life.
For me, there has been no better,
more fulfi lling experience
than being a mom. When my girls
were small, maybe 4 and 7 years
old, I got some great advice from
another mom who had two teenage
daughters at the time and was
extremely close to them. Knowing
that this is often the exception, and
not the rule, I asked her what she
thought was the most important
thing in keeping the relationship
strong. She said this: “Always remember
what’s it like to be ‘that’
age – whatever the age your kids
are. Remember what it was like for
you when you were that age – and
be honest.” Now, some 14 years
later, I still live by that advice, and
I am forever grateful.
Happy Mother’s Day. Take some
time to celebrate your mom and
being a mom.
Maine Women
840 MAIN ST., WESTBROOK ME 04092
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207-854-2577.

By Kim DeMado
Kim DeMado and her husand
Tim are co-foundrs
of Athlete’s Training
Systems (www.getATS.
om), an online personal
raining and nutritional
oaching business, and
hey work at The Bay Club
in downtown Portland.
She is also the group fi tness
director, instructor
nd trainer there. She has
ompeted in more than 25
marathons and is a twoime
Ironman fi nisher.
A
year ago, I got the
exciting news that
I was pregnant.
You might ask yourself,
“What woman wouldn’t
be excited to get that
news while trying to conceive?”
My story, however,
is about getting a
second chance.
I am very fortunate to
have had a healthy pregnancy,
delivery and baby.
But what makes my story
unique is that from October
2008 to October 2009,
I not only had a baby, but
also got married and
started an online personal
training and nutrition
business with my
husband, Tim. Jackson
Adam is our fi rst child,
but my fourth. I had my
fi rst three children in my
early 20s, and now, in my
mid-40s, got the chance
of a lifetime to do it again
– a little calmer, a little
older and a lot wiser.
When my three children,
Megan, Chris and
Will, found out that they
were going to get a baby
brother, they were not as
surprised as I imagined.
I’ve always been the type
of person to dive right
into things with energy
and passion. They’ve
seen me run marathons
and Ironmans, start up
new businesses and
get married. So, seeing
how happy Tim and
I were, they understood
this to be the next step,
and could not have been
more thrilled when Jackson
entered the world.
Maine Women APRIL 2010 3
A second chance – mid-40s motherhood
Second chance see page 4
Kim DeMado lifts her 5-month-old son Jackson in the air while working out at
the Bay Club in Portland. DeMado is a trainer at the fi tness club and has been
staying fi t after becoming a mother. Staff photo by Brandon McKenney

4 APRIL 2010 Maine Women
Second chance from page 3
The boys are in and out
of the house visiting all
the time, and my daughter
makes the trip from
the West Coast as often
as she can. In addition
to the support of my children,
I’ve had a phenomenal
support group of
friends and clients, many
of whom I taught in fi tness
classes throughout
the pregnancy. I’ve loved
seeing how my story has
inspired other women to
take on new adventures
in their own lives. With
the right attitude, you can
do anything.
Even with the support
of my husband, children
and friends, my pregnancy
was still a challenge.
Though I was excited to
be expecting, I knew that
there were risks involved,
as there are in any pregnancy,
so I couldn’t help
but be a little fearful
for the fi rst trimester. I
backed off high-impact
exercise, and concen-
Getting back into shape
My Top 5 pieces of advice for new moms
trying to get into shape:
1. Make sure you are eating enough for the two of
you if you are nursing.
2. Take a walk/jog every day with the baby for at
least 30 minutes to an hour.
3. As hard as it is, take naps when your infant sleeps
– you’ll be less likely to skip out on a workout if
you’re rested.
4. Try to get help from your partner or other
caregiver so that you can take time for yourself to
exercise.
5. Go out on date nights. Mom and Dad need to
connect, too!
– Kim DeMado
trated on keeping myself
rested, nourished and
healthy. But when I entered
my second trimester,
I knew Jackson was
healthy and I personally
was feeling more energized.
I was teaching all
of my spin, step and gymnastics
classes, as well
as coaching our women’s
track team and doing
my own running. The
third trimester continued
smoothly, and before we
knew it Jackson was out
– in only four pushes.
Tim and I feel so
blessed to have this happy,
healthy, giggly boy in
our lives who is already
growing up so fast. But it
wasn’t easy and it continues
to take a lot of hard
work and patience to
navigate our fast-paced
lives.
I know my active life-
Kim DeMado often brings 5-month-old son Jackson to work with her at the Bay Club in Portland. Jackson
is her fourth child – her fi rst three are now in their 20s. Staff photo by Brandon McKenney
style contributed to my
success in getting pregnant,
having a healthy
pregnancy and delivery,
and getting back into
shape quickly. There is
no question that the way
I ate and my constant exercise
played a huge role
in bouncing back as fast
as I did. Throughout the
pregnancy I made sure to
get an hour of exercise
in each day, though, as I
said, in the fi rst trimester
I avoided running and
other high-impact exercises.
I was also very
careful with my diet and
didn’t use pregnancy as
an excuse to fi ll up on
junk food. Instead, I followed
the nutrition plan
of our own company,
Athlete’s Training Systems,
which, along with
cardio, strength training
and yoga, was the
key to only gaining 25
pounds and having no
swelling. I can honestly
say I came into this pregnancy
physically fi t and
emotionally strong, and
worked to maintain this
strength throughout the
nine months.
As all moms know, the
challenges are really just
beginning the day your
baby is born. Often one
of the toughest obstacles
is losing the baby weight.
Though I was careful to
keep my weight gain to a
minimum, it still took hard
work to get my body back
into pre-pregnancy shape.
My ATS nutrition plan has
helped by allowing me to
follow my total calories
based on my exercise levels
and body needs.
Both my biggest challenge
and biggest reward
today is balancing time
with my family, coaching
clients, working on
the business and doing
things for myself. Yet,
now in my 40s, I’m more
laid back and I don’t
sweat the small stuff. I’ve
learned a lot through the
years, and plan to take a
different approach to parenting
this time around.
I’m more confi dent, more
patient, but also probably
a little fi rmer. For example,
Jackson was already
sleeping through the
night at 4 months. Tim
and I realized that it’s
OK for babies to cry, and
often he lulled himself
back to sleep. As Jackson
grows up, I intend to
stick to us all eating the
same meals. Whereas I
used to bend over backward
to accommodate
three very different kids’
tastes, I hope to stand
fi rm with Jackson, and I
think he’ll be better off
for it.
We also plan to be cautious
when it comes to
competitive sports participation.
We’ve seen
families become centered
entirely on their
children’s sports, at the
expense of other activities.
As athletes ourselves,
we do hope that
Jackson will develop a
passion for one or more
sports, but it has to be
his choice and it won’t
be a replacement for other
family-time activities.
Kids need to be kids.
I have had the opportunity
to share with other
women that anything is
possible if you put your
mind to it and realize
that there are no limits.
You don’t have to believe
that you cannot lose the
weight, cannot fi nd time
to exercise or cannot
have another child. It’s all
about the power of positive
belief, and only you
have control over your
mindset. All of life’s challenges
and goals require
hard work and a positive
outlook to achieve.
However, with consistent
behavior and perseverance,
you can get there.
My goal is being the best
mother I can be – the second
time around.

Maine Women APRIL 2010 5

6 APRIL 2010 Maine Women
Taryn Plumb
Taryn Plumb is a Mainebased
freelance writer
who has written for a
variety of publications,
including daily and
weekly newspapers, Web
sites, trade and business
journals, wedding, art
nd regional-themed
agazines.
A mom for all reasons
Gayle Marie Page’s welcome mat was always out
It’s not something her
family can really explain.
It’s just the way she
was.
If you needed a place to
sleep, you’d crash at Gayle’s.
If you wanted advice,
she’d be the one you’d ask.
Hungry? Then she’d feed
you.
“She just loved the idea
of people congregating
around her,” Heather
Cabading recalled of her
mother, Gayle Marie Page,
who died at age 63 in late
March.
She was the quintessential
neighborhood mom:
Her welcome mat was al-
ways out. And it was most
certainly well worn. Page,
of Buxton, had just two
children and one grandchild
of her own (with two
more nearly here), but she
was a surrogate mother
and grandmother to dozens
of area kids.
“We have hundreds of
adopted brothers and sisters,
some of whom we’ve
never met,” chuckled
Cabading, of Limington,
mother to 2½-year-old
Egan, and pregnant with
fraternal twins.
Meanwhile, when Cabading
and her younger brother
Troy Haskell were growing
up, “our dearest
friends just became part
of the family. They were
‘the other kids.’”
In fact, it wasn’t uncommon
to have a dozen or
more kids swarming the
family home. They would
set up makeshift beds in
the living room, and stay
one night, a few – or as
long as they needed.
In the summer, they’d
throng around the backyard
swimming pool.
And the fridge – well,
let’s just say it was never
safe.
But this certainly wasn’t
a problem, as Cabading
pointed out: When you
stayed at Gayle’s house,
Gayle Page with her son, Troy Haskell, on the left, kneeling, and several former neighborhood kids and
Haskell’s friends gathered for a reunion shortly before Page died. Growing up, says Page’s daughter
Heather Cabading, “our dearest friends just became part of the family.” Courtesy photo
“it was imperative that
you eat.”
She simply wouldn’t stop
asking until you did.
So, if you ever stopped
by, you’d often fi nd her in
the kitchen, stirring up big
kettles of soup or making
spaghetti. And for those
with a sweet tooth, she
was especially favored, as
she was “famous for her
whoopie pies,” explained
her sister, Lynda Hudson,
of Center Harbor, N.H.
Holidays, meanwhile,
would draw a crowd upwards
of 30.
And, despite the number
of people who cycled
through, she was the type
who never forgot a single
birthday. Or a wedding,
for that matter. She even
became a justice of the
peace to marry Cabading’s
childhood friend.
In turn, this is how
strongly her surrogate
family felt about her: A
couple of weeks before
she died, her son held a
reunion, and attendees
were given just a day-anda-half
notice.
Every one of them came,
Cabading said.
Also, since Page’s death,
there have been numerous
phone calls, e-mails
and cards, and friends and
strangers constantly stop
her family members on
the street or in the store to
offer sympathy and share
memories.
“I know what she did
for me,” Cabading said,
and seeing the reactions
“means that other people
also realized how special
she was.”
As Hudson recalled, it
was hard not to: She was
a wonderful storyteller
with an incredible outlook
on life and a great sense
of humor.
None of which, her sister
stressed, were lost when
she was suffering through
radiation or the fi nal days
of her cancer.
She was also someone
who didn’t let social
expectations dictate her
dreams. At a time when
many people are ticking
away the days to retirement,
the near-sexagenarian
enrolled at the
the University of Southern
Maine to pursue her
bachelor’s degree in elementary
education.
And her age didn’t slow
her down a bit. Like other
college students, she
pulled all-nighters and
drafted extensive papers,
her daughter recounted.
Then, in 2008, at age 62,
she donned her cap and
gown and collected her
diploma. Afterward, she
worked as a substitute
teacher, switching seamlessly
from music one day
to biology the next.
But then, her brief but
quick-striking illness halted
her career.
And, much as she tried
to hold on, she never got
the opportunity to meet or
hold her twin grandchildren,
Elijah and Abigayle,
who are due in April.
As her daughter noted,
it’s heart-wrenching that
such a vibrant, giving
woman died at age 63.
“She taught me to love
my family more than anything
else in the world. She
taught me that every day
is a gift,” she refl ected.
Still, “she gave 150 percent
of herself all the
time,” Cabading said. “It
would be wrong to feel
sorry for ourselves.”

8 APRIL 2010 Maine Women
Sharon Bagalio, RN
A registered nurse who
lso holds a master’s
egree in public health,
Bagalio is director of Risk
Emergency Management
at Mercy Hospital,
here she has worked for
more than 10 years. She
lives in Yarmouth.
Kathy Eliscu
Kathy Eliscu is a nurse
nd freelance writer who
lives in Westbrook. She
redits her way of looking
at the light side of
life to her mother, the
late Marge Eliscu, whose
Coffee Break” humor
olumn ran for two deades
in the Maine Sunay
Telegram.
AN APPLE A DAY
If you believe in yourself,
How does one heal a
broken heart?
Technically a
“broken heart” is not an
identifi ed health issue.
This condition doesn’t
show up in medical journals,
you don’t see drug
companies advertising
on television promoting
a new cure-all medication
you should be asking
your doctor to prescribe,
nor can you scientifi cally
list the signs and symptoms
of this condition. Yet
we have all seen people
with “broken hearts.” You
LIGHTLY ROASTED
Every now and then,
I get momentarily
hooked on a cable program
called “A Baby Story.”
Though I’m an older mom,
I still melt at the sight of a
newborn.
Recently, the show featured
a couple that had just
adopted an adorable pair
of twins. During the adoption
process, the new mom
found out that she was, fi -
nally, pregnant. She was
due to deliver her biological
baby when the twins would
be 5 months old. Or maybe
the twin babies were adopted
fi ve months before she
found out she was pregnant.
Or maybe they were now 5
months old. Well, let’s just
say there were already handfuls
of babies, another one
on the way, and a bunch
of miscellaneous numbers
and time sequences being
thrown around, mostly fi ves,
which in numerology means
probably have had your
heart broken at one time
or other. I know I have
and it just plan sucks.
Of course, my heart has
since healed. But, the pain
that I experienced when
my heart “broke” was very
real. People may say no
one has ever died of a broken
heart, but when you’re
suffering from one, it sure
doesn’t feel that way.
It’s only when you open
yourself to love that your
heart can break. Some
people seem to have their
hearts broken many times
something like “should do
well in ratings.” Bottom
line: There would soon be
three infants to care for plus
a bunch of nervous, pacing
grandparents-to-be.
In TV time, the new parents/parents-to-be,
all one
and the same, are interviewed
step by step as they
prepare for labor, have labor,
and head into delivery, all
in one, fun-fi lled, 30-minute
episode.
After the initial, repeated
teasers showing the woman
pushing, we fast forward a
full minute of actual show
time to see mom-to-be in
a steamy whirlpool at the
hospital, while her involved,
yuppie husband sits on the
edge of the tub sipping his
latte and occasionally dribbling
warm water over her
feet. The running dialogue
for the next 15 minutes involves
her repeating – yea,
insisting – that she not have
throughout their lives.
Lots of things can cause
heartbreak. Some people
experience the pain of a
romantic relationship that
ends before they’re ready.
We’ve seen people who
have lost their soulmate
when they pass, and the
one left remaining cannot
bear to live solo. Others
love someone who doesn’t
feel the same way they do
about them. Heartbreak
can also occur when a
close friend moves out of
your life, leaving you with
a deep feeling of empti-
an epidural.
“Maybe, if I absolutely
have to, I’ll take a shot of
something short-acting,”
she states roughly 18 times,
but who’s counting? I’m still
trying to keep track of how
many babies she’ll have to
diaper.
No epidural. No epidural.
No epidural. Got it. Maybe a
shot. Maybe. Not sure. More
whirlpool. She is sweating
now and wincing with each
contraction. Her husband
has fi nished his latte, so now
they can get down to business.
We pause now, as I switch
from reporter’s cap (not such
a good look on me, really – I
have a narrow forehead) to
semi-retired nurse’s cap (a
snappy, crisp little number
that was white a few decades
ago) to a mom’s hat (resembling
hair well overdue for
a cut and possibly having
remnants of baby oatmeal in
ness and sadness.
Poets and songwriters
have been writing about
broken hearts for thousands
of years, but when
it’s happening to you, it
can feel like no one else
in the world has ever possibly
felt the same way.
People with broken hearts
can exhibit symptoms of
depression such as:
An inability to
concentrate
A loss of energy
A loss of interest or
pleasure in ordinary
activities
it from God knows when). I
am a huge advocate of natural
childbirth for those who
want it, as I did. It’s amazing
as I look back on times past
and recall how fervently I
advocated for birth decisions
in the name of fullness of experience.
Now, I collapse at a
paper cut. Back then, I was
Mother Bear grunting out
my kids.
But perspectives change.
I’m watching this woman
and her husband, and she is
obviously in a lot of pain. It’s
killing me. Can’t she please
take something, just for her
TV viewers?
She ends up taking a dose
of short-acting something
and then spends the next
few minutes letting us know
the drug’s made her sleepy
but doesn’t help the pain at
all. Now we watch sleepy
wincing. But lo and behold,
mom eventually pushes baby
out, everyone’s happy, and
A decreased (or
increased) appetite
that may lead to weight
loss (or weight gain)
Changes in sleep
(e.g., sleeping more,
waking up early,
insomnia)
Feelings of excessive
guilt, despair, and /or
hopelessness
Diffi culty
remembering things
Recurrent thoughts
of death or suicide
Irritability
Broken heart see page 9
Drugs for this ‘Baby Story.’ Stat!
she can’t wait to get home to
the other two babies, who by
now have been interviewed
and given personality tests
by the camera crew. We
switch to the couple’s home,
where babies laugh, cry, look
at, pull and poke each other,
everything you’d want to see
in Baby 101.
In the last scene, the couple
is interviewed once more,
and they assess their situation.
She still doesn’t want
an epidural. But she says
she’d like to adopt at least
two more babies and have
another one of her own. Dad,
latte in hand, is agreeable to
just one more of each.
I’ve been a labor and delivery
nurse and a psychiatric
nurse, and at this point all I
could advise this couple is:
Take the drugs. Whatever
they will give you. Drive
back to the hospital and take
the drugs.
You’re gonna need them.

Maine Women APRIL 2010 9
then healing certain to follow
I believe a broken heart
requires as much care and
ttention as a broken bone
r any other physical ailent.
With time and propr
care, a broken heart will
eal and the life’s lessons
hat will be learned along
he way perhaps will preent
a repeat occurrence.
A wounded heart needs
ime and proper attention
o one’s needs in order for
t to heal. You must bear
he pain, admit it hurts and
llow yourself the time
o work through it. The
reater the loss, the more
ime it will take to heal.
rying is good. It’s a natual
release of the internal
ain that you are feeling.
Other other “bandages” to
help with healing are:
You can treat yourself
gently and be patient
with your fl uctuating
emotions
You can recognize
and accept the pain –
denying it prolongs
it (and who wants
that?)
Take the time you
need to heal
Rest and nurture
yourself – it’s time to
look after No. 1
Accept comfort from
family and friends
Make no major
decisions about
anything during this
time – or at least run
them by someone you
trust
Stick to a routine and
keep busy
And what should you
not do during this painful
time?
Don’t panic
Don’t deny yourself
the hurt you are
experiencing
Don’t dwell on the
negatives or isolate
yourself from others
Don’t fall into
relationships on the
rebound (always a
mistake)
Don’t be afraid to ask
for help (counseling if
you don’t have a close
friend to confi de in)
Come be part of our 1st Annual
Greater Portland
Business Expo
Sat. May 15th *10-4 * Wyndam Hotel,
Payne Rd. Sth. Portland
Sure to be a day of networking, learning and FUN! The goal is to bridge
the gap between businesses and the public.
To participate in this event please contact Michelle, at 232-2097 or email
mmoore@bathfi tter.com to reserve your space to promote your
business or services. Or go to www.mainewomensnetwork.com and
click on event registration to the Greater Portland Business Showcase.
Don’t take alcohol or
drugs (just adds to the
pain in the long run)
The hardest part of
mending a broken heart
is getting up in the morning
and going through the
day like nothing has happened.
Although you might
feel like isolating yourself,
try not to go through this
painful period alone. Make
sure you surround yourself
with people who love you
and care for you. And surround
yourself with things
that bring you comfort. For
me, cozy pajamas, a down
comforter, romantic movies
(here come those tears)
chocolate (lots and lots of
chocolate) and Rudy, my
Springer Spaniel curled up
beside me and a cat curled
up on my lap often does the
trick. For others, it might
be a favorite CD, a book,
and a cup of hot tea. Try to
focus on what you can do
to make yourself happy.
Above all else, don’t ever
blame yourself. You are not
at fault because someone
else jilted you. It is important
that you retain a sense
of perspective at all times
while your broken heart
is healing. Accept that
the pain will not go away
overnight. Believe in yourself
and the healing will
follow.
when I grow up, I want to be…
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10 APRIL 2010 Maine Women
Leslie Bridgers
A staff reporter for the
American Journal in
Westbrook, she is a graduate
of Bowdoin College.
QUARTERLIFE LESSONS
QUARTERLIFE LESSONS
All mothers make mistakes
My mother used to
make me promise
her I’d never
have children.
“They’ll only disappoint
you,” she’d say.
Though I let her know
I took her words more
than a little bit personally,
she insisted she was
only trying to give me
some sound advice – the
kind of thing her mother
never would have done
for her.
I learned early on in
life that the most offensive
thing I could do to
my mother was to suggest
that she was anything
like her own. But
even through my turbu-
lent teens, I used the insult
sparingly – mostly to
make sure it never lost its
razor-sharp edge.
I asked my mom the
other day just what was
so bad about growing up
with my grandma.
Most of her complaints
seemed pretty typical.
She talked about how
she was only allowed to
buy clothes from the discount
store, which was
a source of embarrassment
in school. And how
despite my mother’s distaste
for liver and onions,
it frequently showed up
as her only option on the
dinner table. My grandma,
my mother told me,
was never sympathetic to
her complaints about being
bored.
“Go say the Rosary,”
she’d tell her.
Hearing her gripes made
it apparent how hard my
mother tried not to repeat
the same habits. Though
I always chose comfort
over style when it came
to clothes, she would insist
I update my wardrobe
and take part in the latest
trends. At dinner every
night, there was always
an array of options that
took into account the
particular tastes of my
brothers and me. And I
certainly couldn’t complain
that I was bored as
kid. From sports teams
to music lessons to art
classes, it seemed I was
signed up for everything
imaginable.
But when I think back to
my childhood, those aren’t
the memories that come
to forefront. I think about
the times I wasn’t allowed
to go to sleepovers
because my best friend’s
parents had a woodstove
and my mom thought
the house would burn
down. Or how I couldn’t
go swimming in a lake
because she was scared
I might drown. Or when
she told me not to have
kids because they were
only a disappointment.
The thought of having
children of my own is not
even close to being in the
realm of my reality right
now, but when I do think
about it, I think about
how I careful I would be
not to let my own fears
and insecurities interfere
with my children’s lives,
like my mother did.
But regardless of whether
I don’t repeat her mistakes,
I’m sure I’ll make
a slew of my own. And
that’s the one thing that
makes me think maybe I
shouldn’t have kids at all
– not because they’d disappoint
me, but because I
know I would disappoint
them.

How a Desperate, Overweight Secretary
Got Her NECK FIXED & LOST 50 POUNDS
...She’s Even Got Her Romance Racing!
Blind-Sided by a MIRACLE!
That’s the way Susan saw it—as a real live
miracle—but it started out as a disaster. And it’s
strange how a peaceful afternoon and a few
weeds turned her into the monster.
But the weeds were taking over, and doggone
it, today was the day they met their match. So
Susan went at it pretty hard for a few hours--digging,
yanking and generally showing the weeds
who was boss. She felt powerful and in-charge,
until the next day...when the pain started!
“How a Few Crummy Weeds
Almost RUINED My Life!”
It wasn’t long before her neck and shoulders
started clamping down. At first it seemed like no
big deal...except her neck
kept tightening—like a
vice on the workbench—
until...
? She felt like the tin man
in the Wizard of Oz....
rusted solid after a thunderstorm!
And then it got
worse!
She had NO CLUE where the
PAIN was coming from!
Finally, she couldn’t lift
her arms, turn her head or
have her husband inno-
cently touch her hands—or the pain would shoot
back into her neck like she’d touched an electric
fence!
It forced her to go crawling into her local
HealthSource Chiropractic office, begging
for help. Not only did it hurt, but she didn’t
know where the pain was coming from—her arm
or her neck. And that’s when her doctor
explained:
? ? The MYSTERY of PAIN ? ?
Just by looking at the picture, you’ll know
more than doctors who don’t understand this
common cause of agony. It’s called referred
pain. It’s tricky, likes to hide and comes from:
➤ a pinched nerve in the neck
➤ a muscle squeezing a nerve after it
leaves the neck
➤ 3 specific muscles in front of the neck,
or even...
➤ an arm problem reflexing BACK to the neck!
Or they can gang up on you and come from
ALL of these areas at the same time, which is
why HealthSource Chiropractic docs must
deal with a lot more than your spine. You see,
pain is seldom JUST a spine problem. Wouldn’t
it be great if life were that simple...just a quick
“crack” would fix your neck and everything else,
like waving a magic wand?
HealthSource of Portland West
949 Brighton Ave.
Portland, ME 04102
Phone: (207) 780-1070
But the facts of anatomy show that the muscles
move the spine and the spine affects the nerves.
In other words...
The Knee Bone’s Connected To The Thigh Bone:
Which is Why Many Treatments FAIL!
There’s more to this old saying than meets the
eye, and it’s the reason so many treatments fail:
because they ONLY look at where the pain is—
but the problem may be further away.
“For 5 or 6 years HealthSource has been my savior. You’ve
cured my vertigo and trigger fingers. Helped the pain in my
ankle. My back was so bad I cried and could hardly walk.
HealthSource did decompression, electric stim, exercises and
massage. Your staff is excellent and your office a place of joy.
I’ve sent several patients to you and will continue to recommend
you. LOVE YOU GUYS!” —Mary Smith
“I had back pain with the inability to raise my right leg
more than 1/2˝. I was seen by a neurologist and told my problem
was chronic. At HealthSource, by the time I had the 2nd
adjustment, I was able to lift my leg to a 90° angle when laying
down. I feel much better! Walking is no longer a chore for
me. If HealthSource can help me, I feel that they can help
anyone.” —Nancy E. Hamilton
And just treating the area of pain is as bad as
replacing your new tires when they go bald
quickly. It’s the alignment causing the problem,
not the tires.
Susan Felt Angry at Her Doc’s
INSULTING Question!
In a nutshell, Susan wanted her neck fixed...
period! But her HealthSource doc asked her a
question that kept gnawing at her like a
toothache.
FREE “Yard Work” Neck Screening
with a $10 donation for Easter Seals
Community Service Screening!
Why a FREE Screening? Because frankly, I don’t expect
anyone to believe it’s possible to get better so quickly
and easily...and why should they? So many folks get
their hopes up ...then they’re dashed the next day.
They’ve taken dangerous drugs, had useless therapies
and shots that have only made them worse. I’d feel the
same way. That’s why I’m making it absolutely RISK FREE
to try us out. This is our complete 19-point screening...
notsome scaled-down version. We investigate:
spine • pinched nerves • head posture • neck
trigger points • muscle tightness • joints tendons
range of motion • stuck nerves ligaments
muscle balance
(Even X-rays are included FREE if necessary!
Only valid until 4-16-10.
This offer does not apply to federal insurance
benefi ciaries and ACN participants.
Sure, the neck felt better, but the question was
strange, and she’d never thought about it. Susan
kept mulling it over until she was ready to
explode. The doc asked her, “How committed
are you to your health?”
Susan was indignant, and in agony, yet her
doc was asking goofy questions. After all, wasn’t
it obvious she was committed to her health?
Wasn’t she IN the office?
“I Was a Bold-Faced LIAR!”
Susan thought about it, then finally admitted,
“I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was lying to
myself...AND to my doctor. You see, I wasn’t really
committed to my health. I was overweight, out of
shape, in pain, and couldn’t even pull a few weeds
without totally falling apart!”
Yet despite the odds, that one little question
sparked an amazing turnaround in her life. It
motivated her to start a diet and exercise plan at
Thanksgiving...the worst possible time for exercising
self-control. But she started out very
gradually...
And with guidance and encouragement from
her HealthSource doc, day by day she started to
exercise...just a little at a time. And yes, she had
a few aches and pains along the way, but her doc
took care of those, too. Then there was...
The Romance?
Like many things that start
out bad, her neck problem
was a blessing in disguise,
because soon Susan started
to jog. And her husband Phil
was running, too. Susan
even thought it was romantic...if
you don’t count the
sweat.
Now, many months later, she’s lost 50
pounds, is feeling strong and fit, her neck is
PAIN FREE, and the weeds don’t even bother to
grow ‘cause they know they don’t have a chance
with the monster in town. In fact she’s...
As Fit as a Fiddle—As Thin as a Rail!
But YOU don’t have to be a runner or an
exercise buff to grab the FULL advantage of the
exclusive, HealthSource program called
Progressive Rehab. It’s sweeping the the
country, with a network of over 100 doctors,
therapists, and trainers who share professional
secrets...so patients get better FAST.
“Forget the Knee Surgery...I Just Ran 13 Miles!”
“They told me my knees wouldn’t last...that I’d need a replacement
by the time I hit my twenties. Now I’m 43 and with HealthSource,
and a little help from my friends and husband, I just ran a half
marathon and have my sights set on the full 26 miles next year. If I
can do this, just think what YOU can do even if you only want to be
able to bend over and tie your shoes again!” —Susan Reynolds
We don’t just treat the spine, but use PAIN-
FREE therapies, muscle techniques, specific
spinal adjustments and custom tailored stretching.
Before long we want you to:
Maine Women APRIL 2010 11
NECK PAIN? Arms Ache?
Can’t Turn
Your Head
While Driving?
A Healthcare
Romance?
(The Absolute WORST Time to Start a Diet? To Heck with the Experts...see story below)
✔ turn your neck like an owl (MUCH safer in traffic)
✔ look up without grabbing your neck
✔ reach into the cupboard without dropping a plate
✔ fasten your bra...BEHIND your back again!
✔ turn over in bed without jabbing pain
Even if you’re a couch potato, I’ll bet you a
FREE Complimentary Community Service
Screening we can help you with your neck and
arm pain.
DON’T GET HALF FIXED!
One other thing. Besides
treating your muscles,
joints, ligaments, tendons
and spine, HealthSource
doctors are specialists in
tracking down HIDDEN or
referred PAIN! Just like
you see in this picture, the
pain is tricky. It likes to
hide and it takes a specialist to find it.
So take advantage of our limited time offer and
join Susan...we’ll help you change your life!
“I Felt Immediate Relief!”
“I had chronic pain in my lower back. After standing
for about 5 minutes my left leg would go numb. I tried
over the counter medications and exercises, but stopped
when symptoms returned of doing simple tasks like
mowing the yard. HealthSource and I chose a course of
treatment that best suited my situation. We set up a
treatment schedule and I had my first adjustment and
felt immediate relief. With each visit I feel better.
HealthSource has given me back a positive attitude. I
have already recommended HealthSource to several
friends and family members. I am extremely pleased
with my results.” —Michael J. Balog
Patients took great care in strictly following the
treatment program prescribed.
The
PROBLEM
is here...
...but the
PAIN is
here!
Community Service Screening
with a $10 donation for Easter Seals
“A great way to fi nd out about your pain...”
Whether or not you feel pain right now,
let our team of doctors fi nd out for sure with
a 19-point, detailed service screening.
THERE’S NO OTHER OBLIGATION.
Just call us and you’re guaranteed to get in today!
Once we track down your pain, we’ll work on getting
you back to doing the things you love – FAST!
We’re not promising a cure or claiming to be superior,
we simply like to believe that our clinic is built
on helping people feel better.
Make your appointment TODAY!
P.S. It’s Time to STOP wondering “What If,”
and time to START putting the confi dence back
in your body and your life.
There’s ABSOLUTELY nothing to lose.
CALL RIGHT NOW!
P.P.S. Be one of the fi rst 7 people to call
and receive a relaxing 1/4-hour massage.
Start on your road towards recover today!
HealthSource of Portland North
1321 Washington Ave. Ste 212
Portland, ME 04103
Phone: (207) 878-3030
This offer does not apply to federal insurance beneficiaries and ACN participants.

12 APRIL 2010 Maine Women
HURRY IN! SALE ENDS APRIL 17TH
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Linda Hersey
Linda Hersey is a
freelance writer.
Gold Star Mother
Nancy Lee Kelley
made a special
point to save as
keepsakes the photos
and letters her son, Capt.
Christopher Scott Cash,
sent home from Iraq.
But the mementos she
collected in scrapbooks
to present to him when
his tour of duty ended
are now Kelley’s fi nal
and most tangible memories
of her son.
Cash was killed in battle
on June 24, 2004, in
Baqubah, Iraq.
The day before Cash
died, he had e-mailed
Kelley a photo that
showed him standing
with some Iraqi children
in front of their school.
He looked happy and
well.
Kelley, 62, refers to
the photo and her son’s
dedication to military
service, when speaking
before groups as a Gold
Star Mother. The term
refers to American women
whose military sons
and daughters lost their
lives in the line of duty.
Cash died while leading
soldiers in battle; he had
served 18 years in the
Army, most recently in
the North Carolina National
Guard.
American Gold Star
Mothers also is the name
of a historic national organization,
dating back
to World War I, that recognizes
and provides
support for women grieving
the loss of children
who died while serving
in the Armed Forces.
Kelley is chaplain of the
Maine chapter of Gold
Star Mothers. Although
she says it has been an
honor to serve in the
nonprofi t service organization,
she said that
she hopes none of her
friends or relatives ever
has reason to join.
“It’s a sad organization
to belong to but it also is
a wonderful support system,”
said Kelley, of Old
Orchard Beach. “We are
able to honor our sons
and daughters. I do a lot
of speaking on behalf of
my son.”
This photo of Capt. Christopher Scott Cash with Iraqi school children was taken
the day before his death in Iraq, according to his mother, Nancy Lee Kelley, a
Gold Star Mother. Courtesy photo

honors son’s sacrifi ce
A Closer Look
For more information
on American Gold
Star Mothers, see
www.goldstarmoms.
com/index.htm.
For information on
Run for Cash 5k
Memory Race, see
www.runforcash.org.
Kelley said that she
and her husband, Robert
– who is Cash’s stepfather
– have dedicated
a lot of their lives since
2004 to volunteer work
on behalf of Cash.
“My husband describes
Chris an ‘all American
kid.’ He was a moral
person and a positive
thinker.”
Kelley said that she
hopes her volunteerism
refl ects the spirit and
character of her son, a
strong advocate of education
and military service.
On April 25, Kelley is
scheduled to speak at the
3rd Annual Spring Ride
for the Troops, hosted
by the Veterans of Foreign
Wars Post 6977 of
York. It is sponsored by
the Patriot Riders of New
England.
Nancy and Robert also
organize Hugs of Love
– Remember Our Troops
Support Group, a nonprofi
t group that holds
special fl ag ceremonies
and helps schoolchildren
send “we care” packages
to soldiers.
In 2005, they started
Run for Cash, an annual
5k-race and fun run in
Old Orchard Beach that
raises college scholarship
money in memory
of their son.
This year’s race is on
June 26, close to the aniversary
of his death. It
ncludes a breakfast at
ld Orchard Beach High
Nancy Lee Kelley, shown marching in this undated
fi le photo, is chaplain of the Maine chapter of Gold
Star Mothers, an organization she hopes none of
her friends or relatives ever has reason to join.
“It’s a sad organization to belong to but it also is a
wonderful support system,” she says. File photo
School.
The Kelleys so far have
given away $14,500 in
scholarships to high
school seniors in Old
Orchard Beach and at
Thornton Academy.
If the race continues
to grow, Kelley hopes
to expand the scholarship
program to include
Biddeford students, since
her son had many friends
from the neighboring
community.
One of the participants
has been Army
Capt. Andrew Roberts of
New York, who served
with Cash and fi lled his
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14 APRIL 2010 Maine Women
Gold Star from page 13 be abducted or events murky in the
post after his death. Roberts
shared with Kelley some of
his fi nal memories of her son.
Kelley says she feels blessed
to know the circumstances
of her son’s death, which
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does not always happen for
parents and relatives whose
loved ones served in foreign
countries. The soldiers may
chaos of battle.
Kelley even has an artist’s depiction
of the Battle of Baqubah, where
her son died. The large, framed print
hangs on her living room wall.
Artist Don Stivers recreates war
battles from the confl icts in Iraq
and Afghanistan. Kelley said it took
her a long time to decide whether
to display the painting. But after
talking with her two grandsons,
she felt certain that her son would
want her to show the painting. She
says that it honors his service and
the sacrifi ce he made for his country.
“My husband said, ‘Why no, Nancy?
We are so proud of Chris. This
is nothing to be ashamed of. He
was fi ghting a battle and protecting
his men.’”
Kelley said that Cash was ordering
soldiers to take cover when he
was killed by two bullets to the
head.
The title of the artwork is “Old
Hickory at Baqubah,” referring to
the nickname of Cash’s unit, which
was out of Jacksonville, N.C., where
he lived with his wife and two sons.
Cash grew up in Old Orchard Beach
but later moved south after joining
the military.
A 1985 Old Orchard Beach High
School graduate, Cash was raised
in the two-story red house on Cascade
Road where Nancy and Robert
still live.
It is the same house where two
military offi cers arrived late on
June 24, 2004, to inform Nancy Lee
and Robert Kelley that 36-year-old
Christopher Scott Cash had died in
battle that morning. Kelley said she
felt confused and then numbed by
the news.
She did not join Gold Star Mothers
immediately, and there was no
pressure for her to be a member.
But the group was there for Kelley
when she felt it was time to move
on and show the same courage and
strength that her son displayed.
“I loved Chris more than life itself,”
Kelley said. “He lived his life
in the most positive way. Everyone
who knew him said that.
“He was not out there to set the
world on fi re. He just tried to do the
right thing. A mom could not ask for
anything more.”

Mother-daughter relationships
can be tricky,
but mother-in-law/
daughter-in-law relationships
can be downright
disastrous – or so
it would seem, given the
stereotypical image (the
fi lm “Monster-in-Law”
and a Web site called
motherinlawhell.com
being good examples).
But Julie Donovan
considers herself twice
blessed, having enjoyed
a positive relationship as
a child with the mother
of the man she eventually
married, and later, a
second positive relationship
with her husband’s
stepmother.
She still remembers the
day Patty Donovan died
at the age of 50, in 1973,
leaving nine kids between
the ages of 18 and
6. Julie, 16 at the time,
was best friends with
one of Patty’s daughters,
Annie. The two girls had
spent many summers
playing together on the
beaches of Long Island
in Casco Bay.
Julie and her family,
the Doughtys, lived
year-round on the island,
while Annie and
her family spent summers
there. Julie has
fond memories of going
to Annie’s house.
“There were always
kids coming and going,”
she said. At mealtime,
whoever was there got
fed.
Born on St. Patrick’s
Day, Patty Barron Donovan
had grown up on
the Eastern Promenade
in Portland and began
coming to the island as
a child. She married Joseph
“Dick” Donovan and
they settled in Connecticut.
Deeply religious, she
attended Saturday Mass
at the tiny island church,
Star of the Sea. She always
wanted to know
where her kids were going
and what they were
doing, but, Julie said, she
gave them lots of freedom.
When the boys got
older, she let them set
up a tent next to the cottage,
with one rule: “No
girls in the tent.”
As Julie recalled, Patty
would sit in her kitchen
singing Irish songs and
saying her Rosary, and
would announce, “I’m
praying for everyone
on the island.” Her faith
in God was followed
closely by her faith in the
lottery. “When my ship
comes in, I’m buying all
of you something you
want,” she would say.
Patty’s sudden death
from a stroke in 1983
left Annie and the older
Donovan children helping
one another, and
their father, through
their grief. Julie and Annie
continued their close
friendship into their late
teens, when Julie began
dating Annie’s brother,
Tony. Married in 1983,
Julie and Tony went on
to have their own family,
settling in Portland and
raising two daughters,
Laura Jane and Allie
While Julie says it
would have been a joy
to have had Patty as a
mother-in-law, Tony’s
father’s second marriage
brought another loving
relationship into her life.
Three years after Patty’s
death, Dick Donovan
married Mary Quinlan,
who had been left alone
with three young daughters
after her husband
died of cancer.
Maine Women APRIL 2010 15
Holiday to honor moms made offi cial in 1914
Every May women
around the world are
celebrated for their sacrifi
ces and contributions
to the family. With all
that Mom does for her
children, it would seem
like the concept of honoring
her would be ages
old. However, it really
wasn’t until relatively
recently that a celebration
of mothers was instituted.
In ancient Greece individuals
honored Rhea,
mother of the gods.
Christians also celebrat-
ed Mary the mother of
God. But it wasn’t until
the 1900s before the
general mothering population
was celebrated
in earnest.
Ann Marie Reeves
Jarvis was a young Appalachian
homemaker
who, beginning in 1858,
attempted to improve
sanitation and nursing
procedures through
women’s clubs and
what she called “Mothers
Friendship Day.” It
wasn’t Anne Marie, but
rather her daughter, Ann
Jarvis, who created the
Mother’s Day that we
celebrate today.
Anna spent many
years caring for her aging
and ailing mother.
Anne Marie died on
May 9, 1905, and Anna
missed her terribly.
Anna noticed that many
children failed to respect
and honor their mothers
while they were alive,
and it wasn’t until after
they died that these children
recognized what
they had lost in their
parent. She intended to
Loving her mother-in-law – no joke
Julie Donovan, above, is
very close to her motherin-law,
Mary Donovan, top
photo. Courtesy photos
start a Mother’s Day to
honor mothers.
In 1907, Anna Jarvis
attempted to establish
Mother’s Day to
“honor mothers, living
and dead.” She started
the campaign to establish
a national Mother’s
Day. Together with her
friends, Jarvis started a
letter-writing campaign
to urge ministers, businessmen
and congressmen
to declare a national
Mother’s Day holiday.
Her efforts paid off.
The fi rst Mother’s Day
was celebrated on May
10, 1908 and honored
the late Anne Marie
Reeves Jarvis. After this
initial celebration, Mother’s
Day caught on. The
Mother’s Day International
Association was
established on Dec. 12,
1912, to promote and encourage
meaningful observances
of the event.
And on May 9, 1914, a
presidential proclamation
declared that every
year the second Sunday
in May would be observed
as Mother’s Day.
In the ensuing years,
Julie saw Mary Donovan
bring the two households
together, always
gracious, always welcoming.
She grew to
love Dick’s children, and
later his children’s children,
as well as her own
children and grandchildren.
In later years,
Dick’s health declined,
and he died in 1989 of a
heart attack.
Julie remembers a conversation
her friend (and
sister-in-law) Annie had
with Mary after her father
died. Annie was
around 48 at the time.
“You were my age
when you got married,”
she told Mary, “and I
wonder, would I have
wanted to take on all
those kids?”
Mary’s answer was:
“When you love someone
enough, you do.”
Mary Donovan, who
was 81 in February, stays
in touch with nine children,
22 grandchildren
and six great-grandchildren.
She continues to
live alone in her home in
Bristol.
Paula Gibbs
Paula Gibbs is an editor
and writer, and president
of the Maine Press
Association. She lives in
Harrison.

16 APRIL 2010 Maine Women
Yoga Mom pushing Soccer Mom to sidelines
Many women are trading
in their team jerseys for
yoga mats. The busy soccer
mom has transformed
into the calm and ethereal
yoga mom who is more
interested in a stress-free
life than racing around to
sports practices.
For a long time the stereotypical
image of a
mom was a minivan-driving,
white, 40-something
picking up Timmy from
sports practice and Jenny
from cheerleading. Her
fast-paced lifestyle had
her racing between kids’
engagements to home to
other social obligations
in a harried, time-pressed
manner.
But today you’re more
likely to see mom practicing
her asanas instead
of toting clipboards and
team snacks. She’s scooting
around in her Toyota
Prius instead of the Dodge
Caravan and is more
about living in the mo-
ment than over-programming
children with music
lessons and enrichment
classes.
Today’s moms are more
free-spirited and learn-asyou-go
types. They don’t
strive for the same goals
as their mothers before
them. Instead of keeping
up with the Joneses and
striving for perfection, the
Yoga Mom or Eco Mom is
customizing her life the
way she sees fi t.
So what else is different
about women of the Yoga
Mom mind set? A lot, actually.
Today’s moms live
further from their baby
boomer parents, and
aren’t as infl uenced by
their go-getter attitudes.
As such, Eco Moms are
more community-based
and interested in being
everyone’s friends. That’s
why you’re more likely to
fi nd Yoga Moms blogging,
heading grassroots cam-
paigns and seeking new
friends on social networking
sites. Yoga moms are
more about spreading the
word on ways to improve
the community and planet
than receiving the gossip
on how to get ahead or
the best recipe to bring to
the offi ce potluck.
Many Yoga moms saw
their own mothers struggle
with the work-family
balance with little success.
New moms are more
about embracing what’s
real and meaningful than
being caught up in the rat
race.
That isn’t to say today’s
moms are sitting on the
couch catching up with
daytime programming.
They are certainly educated,
successful women.
They’re simply putting
their needs on par with
the needs of their family
and feeling better about
themselves in the process.
Mothers by the numbers
82.8
80
25
4
8
5.3
4.0
1 in 32
Estimated U.S. mothers,
in millions, as of 2004.
Percentage of women 40 to 44
who were mothers in 2006.
Average age of women giving birth
for the fi rst time.
The number of the most common
day of the week (Wednesday)
for births to take place.
The number of the most common
month of the year (August) for births
to take place.
Number of stay-at-home moms,
in millions, in the United States.
Number of moms, in millions, who
give birth each year.
Chance of a mother
giving birth to twins.

THE ESSAY
Childless by choice, and few regrets
People don’t like
sad news, unpleasant
facts. Perhaps
hat’s why few have ever
sked me why I don’t
ave children. They
robably assume I have
nfortunate infertility
roblems or that I never
ad a boyfriend. But the
ast and easy answer to
heir unasked question
s – I never wanted any.
ut how could such an
mportant part of life be
hat simple or easy? It
sn’t and it is.
Perhaps the seed of
y unconventional deision
was sowed when
babysat as a young
een. I remember what
eemed like then as endess
nights, waiting for
he parents to return to
ree me from the borng
burden of their surly
ids. I didn’t want to play
ith them. I didn’t want
o talk to them. I wanted
o read my book.
I did worry about a fi re
n the house while I was
here, about the kid stabing
him/herself with
ome scissors, or geting
lost while playing
utside. (Why then, did
he doctor and his wife
lways fi nd me sleeping
eacefully on the couch
hen they came home?
hankfully for all paries,
I didn’t babysit that
ften.) I never bonded
ith any of the kids – I
atched them, took care
f them, because it was
y job.
In the 1960s and beore,
pregnancy for a
irl in high school was
ot so accepted as it is
oday. Then, the stigma
urrounding unwed teen
others was so great
hat any girl who found
erself in that situation
eft school immediately,
arely to return. Having
the child and giving it up
was one option. Having
the child and keeping it
was the other. Neither
would have been acceptable
to me at that time.
The futures of those
girls were changed forever.
How would they
get along without fi nishing
high school? Would
they ever be able to go to
college? Did the fathers
stick around? What if
those shotgun marriages
were without love? Thus,
I learned at a tender age
to consider pregnancy as
a fearful thing that ruined
lives, not as a lifestyle
option. The negative
association stuck.
The idea that I could
choose to never have
children took root as I
negotiated the diffi cult
waters of relationships
in the age of “free love.”
Ha – that phrase was
certainly not true. There
was nothing free about
it. I feared the shoals of
bondage, both to a conventional
life and to the
overwhelming sense of
responsibility that I would
feel toward a child if I
had to be a 100 percent
mother. I saw so much
divorce, I fi gured the
odds were that I’d end up
a single mother. I wanted
to be free, and knew
if I did not honor that, I
would become an embittered
woman, resentful
of her children.
Seeing a lot of bad parents
and seriously distressed
kids also reassured
me that becoming
a parent was something
one should take seriously.
In my heart I knew
that, to have children, I
needed to fi nd someone
who would fully share
the responsibility, be
more than a 20 percent
dad. He needed to know
that little Johnny needed
changing, and do it
without me having to tell
him. I never found that
person until it was too
late to start a family.
Perhaps the fact that my
sister married young and
started her family while I
was just leaving for college,
but for whatever
reason, I was blessed
that I had parents who
accepted my sometimesodd
life choices and never
pressured me to have
kids. Perhaps others
around me also recognized
that I was headed
for a life different from
that of my parents and
peers. My having children
was never a topic
of conversation.
I made the decision not
to have children when
I began a serious relationship
in my 30s with
someone who did not
want them, either. What
a relief. I didn’t have to
explain myself anymore,
or feel like a freak. Even
once the relationship
ended, I still felt comfortable
with my lifestyle,
even though some
people I met who were
parents used to look at
me with a mixture of
distain, sympathy and
jealousy. I, the childless
30-something, going off
on trips, spending hours
reading quietly, spending
hours alone.
Yet as the years went
by, and I approached the
age of no return, I would
wonder: Was I making
a mistake? Each time I
checked, I saw that the
conditions I needed to
be a mother were still
not there. And I was
terrifi ed of screwing up
some innocent kid’s life
because I was so ambivalent.
I am grateful that I
have had the time, the
focus and the energy to
put into two different careers,
countless friends,
decades of international
travel (including long
summers in Greece) and
my later-in-life marriage.
I was able to spend many
evenings at the theater
as a critic, and as many
longer nights writing
up those reviews, then
driving home at 1 in the
morning. I could go off
to conferences, try some
travel writing, have adventures
without worrying
about having to get
home.
And now we come to
the crux of it: Sure, I’ve
had a wonderful life with
the freedom to do what I
wanted, to take risks, to
Maine Women APRIL 2010 17
follow a non-traditional
path. But there has been
a price. I don’t have kids.
I never knew the joy of
creating a new life. I
don’t have the comfort
of knowing my unique
gene pool will continue.
There’s no one to count
on to be there for me in
my old age.
It was good that I
didn’t have the total responsibility
for a baby. It
was bad I didn’t have the
total responsibility for a
baby. What an awesome
experience it must be.
So, each choice – to become
a parent or to not
– has a price. It’s up to
each woman to decide
which of the two options
make sense for her.
I know I made the right
decision for myself.
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18 APRIL 2010 Maine Women
Mel Howards
A Northeastern University emeritus
professor, Howards is on the faculty
f the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute
at the University of Southern
Maine, where he teaches a wide variety
of courses.
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BOOK REVIEW
Fearless and ingenious,
these women held their own
No matter what you
know about the role
of women in the
Revolutionary War, prepare
to discard it when you read
“Founding Mothers: The
Women Who Raised Our
Nation,” which is overfl owing
with information about
some of the outstanding
women who fought the war
in so many different ways.
As Washington wrote in
a letter to Annis Stockton
after he left the presidency:
“For indeed, I think you ladies
are in the number of
the best patriots America
can boast.” His wife, Martha,
was one of the most
engaged in helping the soldiers
and their families, often
at great risk to herself.
We all know something,
not nearly enough, about
Abigail Adams and Dolly
Madison and Martha Washington,
but may not know
about Sally Jay or the lively,
fl irtatious Kitty Greene, or
about the women spies, or
the women who repelled
rampaging British soldiers,
or the woman who burned
New York City to protect
Washington, and more. The
book – an appropriate read
to acknowledge Mother’s
Day – details the relationships
among all of the wellknown
Revolutionary War
men and the women they
married or loved, overtly or
covertly. The historical context
is lush with accounts of
the battles, on and off the
fi eld, and with diplomatic efforts
as well as the some of
the despicable betrayals.
In all of this intrigue and
death and confusion, there
appeared a beacon of sanity
and determination fueled
by some of the bravest,
most intelligent, most loyal
“Founding Mothers: The Women Who Raised Our Nation,”
by Cokie Roberts. Published by Harper Collins
women you have ever met.
Most of the women were left
to care for children and the
property for long periods
of time while their famous
husbands were off to war
or on a diplomatic mission.
Mail took months, so that
uncertainty and impending
dread hung over most
households. Some women
and their children were able
to follow their husbands to
areas near the battlefi elds to
attend parties during winter
breaks from battle. Also attending
were some of the
camp followers, looking for
husbands among the offi -
cers. But many women did
not go out for fear that the
British would destroy their
homes and property, or for
fear of rape or of Indian attacks.
They made do with
the barest minimum of food
and security, maintaining
their families with ingenuity
and fearlessness.
Deborah Franklin was the
most devastated, the most
rudely treated wife of all.
Ben was gone for 16 of the
last 17 years of their married
life, gaining a reputation
politically and as a
rake. She remained deeply
in love with him and faithful
until she could take no
more. Late in her life she
gave up hope of ever having
him home. She died as she
had lived for so long: alone
and unloved.
The women were very
well-informed about the
politics of the years just before
the war, during the war,
and just after. They were involved
every step of the way
and tolerated unbearable
losses but remained loyal
supporters of the cause, encouraging
their husbands
and sons to persevere in the
struggle for freedom from
British control no matter the
sacrifi ces they were suffering
and would continue to
suffer. Such love and sacrifi
ce have rarely, if ever, been
matched.
The letters are a vivid a
portrayal of their daily lives
amid the chaos and terror
of war that was right on
their doorsteps, literally and
fi guratively. Roberts, from a
political family herself, does
justice to the period and to
the men and women who
made the country free, but
she does occasionally snipe
a bit by adding a short snide
comment that bespeaks her
own feminism. This is minimal
and does not affect the
overall effect of the stories
she is telling so dramatically.
Women of all ages should
read this book to learn a
more complete account
of the roles these women
played in a time of such
danger and brutality, long
before women were given
the respect they deserved
by the men they supported.
They did not wait for independence,
they helped to
create it. If there had been
a Nobel Prize then, these
women would have earned
it, many times over.

THE LONG VIEW
Out and about on lecture circuit,
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Maine Women APRIL 2010 19
Laura Bush wins new admirers Nancy Grape
Laura Bush is out and about and
aglow. Since leaving the White
House, the former fi rst lady has
ound her spot – and her spotlight. The
rst, she says, comes in expanded private
ime with her twin daughters, 28-year-old
arbara and Jenna. The second shines on
he lecture circuit, where her call for more
nd better opportunities for women is met
ith standing ovations.
It’s an odd turn of career, you might
hink, for a school teacher and libraran
who moved seamlessly into life as a
ealthy Texas mother, homemaker and
olitical wife. But an hour or two in her
ompany makes clear that no fi nishing
chool in the world polishes a woman into
public fi gure the way eight years in the
hite House “bubble” can do. Bush may
ave begun her career as a reticent libraran,
but, at age 63, she’s a sleek, self-asured,
well-dressed and well-coiffed fi gre,
at ease with overfl owing audiences.
I saw and heard Bush recently at a colege
campus where she was speaking. So,
ow is she doing?
“I’m having a lot of fun with my adult
aughters,” she said, drawing indulgent
miles from her audience.
It’s diffi cult not to smile at Laura Bush
hen she’s addressing a large crowd. First
ff, she’s good at it. She is a warm fi gure
nd she invites her audience to like her.
tanding at a microphone in a red suit that
aressed her slim fi gure, with gleaming
air, sculpted cheekbones and a radiating
mile, she grew quickly at ease with the
arge crowd.
“When you think about all the things
hat have been said about her husband, it
ust be pretty tough on her,” an 81-yearld-woman
sitting near me whispered to
er companion. Bush herself took a more
ocking tone. “I’d like to report that now
hat we’re back in our house in Dallas I’d
ike to say things are back to normal. But
’m not sure I remember what ‘normal’ is,”
he said.
Looking at George W. Bush’s term from
he other end, she characterized the “harowing
transition” her family made in
oving into the White House. True, she
eclared, they had “moved into a house
hat we knew very well” for four years
when it was home to her inlaws,
Barbara and George H.W.
Bush. But nothing, she emphasized,
“could have prepared us
for the awesome responsibility
of living there.”
The Bush clan would certainly
try. Laura Bush recalled that she
had taken comfort in the presence
of 23 family members in
the White House on Inauguration
Night.
There was comfort, too, in the
timing of that term’s beginning.
Despite many problems in the
world, Bush recalled, “global
terrorism had yet to emerge as
a threat to our country.”
When terrorism did strike
forcefully – destroying New
York City’s World Trade Center
in 2001 – the fi rst lady watched
with the rest of us, on television.
In the aftermath, she revealed,
she was taken to a “safe haven”
below the White House “that
looks like something decorated
in the Nixon era. And like all of
you,” she told her solemn audience,
“we woke up on Sept.12 to
a different reality.”
It’s a reality with new and
challenging roles for women,
Bush said.
“I believe that women are a vital
force for social change,” she
declared. “I believe that it’s important
the United States stand
with women who are speaking
out and compelling change.”
In Afghanistan the need to
support women is particularly
vital, she indicated. “Even with
the progress, much work remains,”
she said, emphasizing,
“This is our only chance. If we
don’t make it this time, there
won’t be another.”
Laura Bush does not step before
microphones and overfl ow
crowds to criticize her husband’s
presidency. She speaks
to support his actions, his heritage
and what she believes the
future may hold. As a result, individuals
listened and left with
their opinions about the Bush
years – pro or con – pretty much
intact.
As for personal honors she
values, Laura Bush summed
up, “The greatest honor of being
fi rst lady was being able every
day to watch not only my husband
but every American stand
up to fear.”
Agree with her or not, she’s a
gutsy lady, this part-time Mainer,
Laura Bush.
Nancy Grape served for
16 years as an editorial
writer and member of
the editorial board for the
Portland Press Herald and
Maine Sunday Telegram.
Her column commenting
on state and national
affairs for the Telegram
ran for 25 years.
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20 APRIL 2010 Maine Women
Joanne Lannin
A daily newspaper reporter for many
years, she is now well into her second
areer, English teacher at Bonny Eagle
High School.
TABLE TALK
What cooks do chefs admire
With six boys and a
husband to feed,
Jacqueline Marie
Tranchemontagne of Sanford
always had something
cooking on the stove. At least
that’s how her chef-son James
Tranchemontagne, the owner
of the Frog and Turtle Gastro
Pub in Westbrook, remembers
it. He says his mother’s
cooking was a big infl uence
on his career choice, as well
as some of the French-Canadian
items on his menus.
Steve Corry, the chef/owner
of 555 Congress Street in Portland,
was also infl uenced by
his mother, Claire Corry, and
her love of cooking. Growing
up in Hingham, Mass., he
remembers vividly the meals
his mother cooked for her
family of four. And he credits
her for nudging him away
from a career in fi nance to explore
his own love of cooking,
beer making and food.
“She was very infl uential,”
Corry recalls. “She always
preached to enjoy what you
do fi rst, and then success will
follow. That really paved the
way for me.”
Before the Food Network
made stars out of chefs such
as Emeril Lagasse and led
to an increased interest in
culinary arts careers, budding
chefs often developed
their love of food and cooking
by watching their stay-athome
moms. With Mother’s
Day approaching, Corry and
Tranchemontagne were happy
to revisit their memories
of their moms and the magic
they worked with food.
“Still to this day I think of
meals she cooked that were
more memorable than any
I’ve had in top restaurants,”
says Tranchemontagne, who
owned Uffa! in Portland before
opening an upscale gastro-pub,
The Frog and Turtle,
and a nearby eatery called
The French Press, in downtown
Westbrook.
Claire Corry, second right, has been a big infl uence on her
chef son Steve. Shown here in this family photo are, from
left, James Corry, Christine Duggan, chef Steve Corry, John
Corry, Claire Corry and Tom Corry. Courtesy photo
For Tranchemontagne, 35,
growing up in a traditional
French-Canadian household
meant being surrounded by
food. His pepe was a butcher
and he remembers, at a young
age, thinking the meats and
salamis hanging on hooks
were all very cool. With six
boys to feed, his mother always
seemed to be in the
kitchen or out back harvesting
things from her garden.
Sunday dinner was an all-day
affair, he recalls, where the
extended family would gather
at long tables after church.
Friday nights usually meant
grilled cheese sandwiches
and homemade soups, utilizing
leftovers and vegetables
from the garden.
“She never wasted anything,”
Tranchemontagne recalls.
“Those were the Franco-American
values.”
Tranchemontagne gravitated
toward restaurant work
even in high school. At 19,
he got his fi rst break, working
at Windows on the Water
in Kennebunk, where he
was encouraged to pursue
cooking as a career. Once he
opened his own restaurant,
the infl uence of his French-
Canadian roots came to the
fore. Uffa! in Portland featured
gourmet adaptations
of the soups, potatoes and
meat dishes he’d grown up
on. At the Frog and Turtle,
he says his holiday pork pies
555 Lobster Mac & Cheese
and creton (pork spread) are
prepared exactly the same
way his mother made them.
The brunch items, such as
the Franco-American Benedict
and Frenchie Sandwich
(scrambled eggs with creton),
were also inspired by meals
from his mother’s kitchen.
Lovers of Tranchemontagne’s
traditional French-
Canadian doughnuts, which
have become the signature
item on his brunch menu, also
have his mother to thank. He
started making them at Uffa!
to replace the cinnamon buns
that were a popular item on
the former owner’s brunch
menu.
Tranchemontagne has added
variations to his mom’s
recipe since then. Jacqueline
Tranchemontagne made her
This is a dish truly inspired by my mother’s homemade version
(though there is no lobster in hers).
– Stephen Corry
Cheese sauce ingredients
¾ quart heavy cream
¾ quart whole milk
2 ounces blonde roux
8 ounces Fontina cheese
4 ounces cheddar cheese
2 ounces grated Parmesan
2 ounces cream cheese
1 teaspoon salt
Procedure
Bring cream/milk to a simmer. Add salt, whisk in roux (cold) and
return to a simmer. Cook 5-10 minutes then remove from heat. In
blender, slowly add cheese to thickened cream/milk mixture. Blitz
until smooth. Be sure to taste and season. Makes about 2 quarts of
sauce.
Lobster and garnishes
Boil fresh lobster in salted water until almost fully cooked (5 minutes
for 1½ pound lobster).
Shell lobster, remove tail, knuckle, claw meat and cut into reasonably
sized pieces (leaving one claw whole for garnish). Finish cooking
lobster at 160 degrees for about 3 minutes right before serving in
melted butter.
Cook your pasta until al dente, at the same time warm up your cheese
sauce Add pasta, sauce, lobster in a bowl. Finish with white truffl e oil
and sliced black truffl es, garnish with lobster claw. You can also add
a crunchy component such as fried leeks or onions.

most? Mom, of course
cinnamon-sugar doughnuts
in a cast-iron pan with
lots of lard, while Tranchemontagne’s
doughnuts are
the product of a commercial
doughnut fryolater. He
uses soybean oil, which is
transfat free, and he has
gone beyond the sugar and
cinnamon of his youth,
adding peanut butter, honey,
walnuts, and an amazing
assortment of ingredients
to the crusty, plump
masses of fried dough that
customers rave about. He
says his mother loves them
even more than her own.
Creton
“My mother is a huge
part of my love for food,”
says Tranchemontagne.
“It’s a shame she wasted
her talent on six boys. She
understands everything
about cooking.”
Steve Corry’s memories
of his mother cooking go
back to the days before
he was tall enough to see
what she was preparing
on the kitchen counter.
“I was always underfoot,
begging to help out,”
he says. “I’d reach up and
grab a handful of raw
hamburger and eat it be-
To all the memeres and good French Canadian ladies out
there. I know we all have little tweaks and twists to our
recipes. This is passed down from my grand memere.
– James Tranchemontagne
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
5 pounds 80 percent lean ground pork
1 large white onion (softball size), fi nely diced
1 tablespoon cinnamon
1 tablespoon nutmeg
4 whole cloves ground (never use ground cloves)
1½ quarts water
¼ cup cornstarch for slurry (1:2 parts ration for slurry –
¼ cup corn starch to ½ cup water)
Steps
1. In large pot add oil and cook ground pork, on medium
heat, until half way cooked. Be very careful not to brown
the pork.
2. Add diced onion and stir till onions are translucent and
pork is cooked through. Again do not brown meat.
3. Add all spices and stir.
4. Add water. Depending on pot size and depth, water
amount will change. You are trying to just cover the pork
by a ½ inch
5. Simmer for 2 ½ hours, stirring every 20 minutes or so.
Do not boil.
6. When water is below pork and the mixture looks to
hold its own structure, add salt and pepper to taste, adjust
seasons if needed. If OK, add slurry and stir for 2 minutes.
7. Pour and cool on counter for 2 hours, then wrap and
move to fridge overnight
8. Tip: It is easier to cool it as one big batch, then divide
it into smaller portions and freeze (or give as gifts if you
are really nice). It can be frozen for up to three months
and keeps in the fridge for a week or more. It is great as
a spread with cheese. We grew up eating it on toast or
English muffi ns with dijon mustard. It also can be used for
meat for a sandwich.
fore she could stop me. I
guess I fooled myself into
thinking it was steak tartare.”
Claire Corry’s infl uence
on her son went beyond instilling
a love of food, however.
After high school, he
went off to college without
a clue as to what he
wanted to do. He thought
he should pursue a career
in corporate fi nance, like
his father. But when he
struggled academically,
his mother nudged him in
the direction of biology, a
more hands-on fi eld that
he’d always seemed to
love in high school.
After college, he bought
beer-making equipment to
get in on the microbrewing
craze, which was becoming
popular all over the
country. With his mom’s
do-what-you-love philoso-
phy in mind, he become a
member of the American
Brewer’s Guild in California
and became a brewmaster
for several pubs and restaurants
in California.
He and his wife Michelle
came to Maine 10 years
ago with the idea of opening
their own brew pub.
But courses at the New
England Culinary Instititute
in Vermont sparked his interest
in creative cuisine.
He worked as a chef at
Domain Chandon in Napa,
Calif., and the White Barn
Inn in Maine. In 2003, he
and Michelle opened 555
Congress Street. Corry
was named one of the top
10 new chefs by Food and
Wine Magazine in 2007.
Corry says he uses his
memories of his mom’s
cooking as inspiration
from time to time, as he
Maine Women APRIL 2010 21
strives to make contemporary
dishes out of traditional
classics. A recent menu
item, in fact, the housemade
rosemary-infused
fettucine with braised
veal, was recreated with
his mom’s Hungarian goulash
dish in mind.
“I like to do a twist on
the old classics that mom
would make,” he says.
Though he’s an awardwinning
chef, Corry still
admires his mother’s
knack for making memorable
meals out of traditional
comfort foods, he
says.
“The last time I visited,
we raided her freezer and
had some of her spaghetti
and meatballs when we
got home,” he continues.
“It’s a recipe passed down
from her own mother. I still
think it’s the best.”
James Tranchemontagne shares a dance with his mother, Jacqueline Marie Tranchemontagne of Sanford,
at his wedding in 2006. “I think of meals she cooked that were more memorable than any I’ve had in top
restaurants,” says Tranchemontagne, a chef and owner of two restaurants. Courtesy photo

22 APRIL 2010 Maine Women
MaryAnn Molloy
MaryAnn Molloy is an
ACSM-certifi ed personal
rainer who runs Healthy
Body, Fit Mind of South
Portland. Contact her at m
aryann@healthybodyfi tm
ind.com, call 767-4499 or
isit www.healthybodyfi tmind.com
FITNESS FOCUS
FITNESS FOCUS
Moms must fi nd workout time
Many women realize
that while the
joys of motherhood
are infi nite, fi nding
time for themselves becomes
a distant memory.
Most mothers fi nd themselves
giving everything
to everyone else, and
very little to themselves.
So, how can busy mothers
fi nd the time to regularly
exercise and stay fi t?
Here are a few tips for all
the busy moms trying to
fi t themselves into their
own schedule:
• Incorporate your children
in your workout
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Current
routine. According to
the Centers for Disease
control, the number of
overweight children and
teens has continued to
rise over the past two decades.
Get out and play
with your children. Not
only does this set a good
example, but also but
you all will benefi t from
the activity. Jump rope,
play soccer, tag, or on a
rainy day try the Wii.
• Encourage your children
to take a long and
brisk walk with you
every day. It is a great
time to catch up, and
connect with your kids
while getting some fresh
air and exercise at the
same time. Or, if they are
teenagers, do not readily
offer to drive them. If
you know they are safe,
where they are going and
it is daylight, recommend
they walk with a friend
or take their bike.
• If your children are
still in a stroller, pack
them up and go walking,
jogging or running.
Many fi tness centers
have child care available.
Try to fi nd a gym with a
children’s area.
• Try resistance training.
A recent University
of Maine study showed
that 30 minutes of resistance
training burned as
many calories as doing
6-minute-per-mile pace
run for the same amount
of time. This is not to
say to forgo the walking,
running or other forms
or cardiovascular exercise,
but those days when
you simply do not have
time, 30 minutes can get
you a great workout. Resistance
training burns
calories, helps posture
and helps prevent osteo-
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Lakes Region Weekly Sun Chronicle
porosis. Pick up a few
weights, stretch bands,
or use your own body
(i.e., pushups, walking
lunges, etc.) and give it
a try.
• Get an exercise buddy.
Studies show that
people are more likely
to stick with an exercise
program when they have
a partner. You can encourage
each other, push
each other, and keep
each other on track. Another
busy mom might
be just what you need
to make fi tness a part of
your life.

MOMMILIES
Maine Women APRIL 2010 23
What’s the best advice your mom gave you?
Stay in school and look forard
to the future of college.
Abigail Richards,
Limington
Always keep your sense of
humor.
Pat Brown, Portland
Do it on your own, because
no one will do it for you.
Veronica Bates,
Westbrook
In order to have a friend,
you must fi rst be a friend.
Kate Hersom, Portland
Athlete’s Training Systems
Do unto others as you would
have others do unto you.
Jody Nutting, Westbrook
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Kathryn Begos,
Westbrook
Photos by Leslie Bridgers

24 APRIL 2010 Maine Women
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