“NOW MORE THAN EVER” 1

PEAVES, THE FREE PRESS
7 th Annual State of The Near East Side
BUTLER, SOUNDS OFF
“NOW MORE THAN EVER”
38
The man on the phone was talking very
fast. I thought perhaps he had a lot to say
but a short time to say it. I was wrong. It
turns out he had lots of time, scads of it,
far more time than I would have preferred
to allot him. But I am polite on the phone,
I listened to the bastard ramble on. What
the conversation concerned is unimportant,
it was an admonishment at the end that
starched my collar.
The fellow wanted to foist some
documents upon me. I did not want them,
but he insisted. “I can fax them to you,” the
cad announced.
I explained that I did not have a fax
machine and that he’d be better off
emailing them to me. “Just send them as
attachments,” I said.
That’s when things got interesting.
“You should really have a fax machine,”
the meddler mumbled.
I didn’t say anything, still being polite.
“If you had a fax machine,” the obtruder
continued. “I could just fax these over to
you.”
“Yes, but I don’t,” I said, still holding my
tongue.
“You might want to think about getting
one,” he went on.
Still I remained mum. But I was thinking,
“And where shall I look for one, an antique
store?”
I also did not bother to tell the unxious
gent that in all my years as a butler, I had
not previously had need of one. Not once.
Eventually I managed to end the
conversation, which was no easy task.
Later I thought longer on the unpleasant
incident and realized the irony in it.
It is I who is usually behind the times
technology-wise, not the next fellow.
It has only been recently that I have
become comfortable using a computer. My
first one was given to me by a friend and
on it I learned how to use email and browse
the internet. Beyond that, I have little use
for the contraptions, but I can see their
usefulness.
At some point I decided to buy a new
computer and expected it to act in a manner
similar to the one my friend had given me.
Again, I had erred. My new computer came
equipped with all manner of foibles.
I soon learned that it lacked software
that I had previously taken for granted.
For weeks I learned of all the little tid bits
I needed to download and install. It was a
very annoying process.
For example, soon after my new
acquisition arrived I tried to watch a video a
friend had guided me to via email. “Really
funny,” the subject line read. Being a sap,
I clicked on the link. Nothing happened.
I clicked again. The doohickey told me I
needed something called a “plug in.”
The missing element was something
called “Java,” but I do not know exactly
what that is or what it does. I only know
that it was a pain in the caboose to deal
with.
After an hour or so, I managed to view
the video. It was an hour wasted in my
opinion. The video was not even mildly
amusing. Still I learned something: my
friend has an odd sense of humor.
That is just one incident among many.
Almost daily I found some thingamabob
or other that my computer lacked. Always
there would be an explanation of what I
needed to do to rectify the situation and
always it was gibberish.
Finally I decided I needed to get a printer.
I figured, with a printer, I could print out
the instructions for how to accomplish the
endless tasks my computer was assigning
me in order to get it up to speed.
Honestly I had no idea what I was getting
myself into. Installing the printer was easy
enough, it did all the work. I was not,
however prepared for the aftermath. The
damn printer has taken over my computer.
It lives on my monitor, taking up about a
quarter of the space with little icons for
functions I have no need of nor inclination
to use.
Worst, though, is that the printer is
constantly trying to sell me products to feed
its insatiable thirst. It pesters me to buy ink,
it implores me to visit its store (who knew
printers had market places?), it nags at me
about each and every one of its needs.
Off The Beaten Path
Hidden Gems on Our Side Streets
Thursday, November 7, 2013
refreshments provided by
Central Community House
1150 East Main Street
6:30 to 8:00 PM
For more information call 614-252-3283
or email kathleendbailey@hotmail.com
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