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In our area I have seen problems and even our elders have seen them. There is a
relative of mine, I have witnessed him saying that if you see a woman is a nuisance to
you then you marry another. After that she will respect you and all the problems she
was causing will end.
Male PFG participant (25+ years old), Mbeya
As illustrated by the quotes above, female participants were more likely to label having
mistresses or taking second wives as unacceptable but common. In contrast, male
participants described it as normal and even expected behavior, particularly as a lesson to
wives who were seen to be “misbehaving.”
Being beaten by a partner
Physical violence is largely viewed as part of marriage. Women explained that they come to
expect and even accept this violence because of prevailing community norms. Women who
divulge an experience of physical abuse to friends or family members quickly learn that
their experience is not an anomaly.
Yes, it’s normal, being beaten, yelled at. If you tell (anyone), your peers will ask you, “Is
this your first time to be beaten?” Some of us are used to it, just like the way we are
used to eating ugali. 15
Female PFG participant (25+ years old), Mbeya
(If you say) Mama I have been beaten, you will be told, “Very sorry, that has been there
for a long time.” If you are hit, the response will be that it is normal, just bear with it.
Female PFG participant (18-24 years old), Dar es Salaam
Both male and female participants raised the issue of provocation and blame in domestic
abuse. Across gender and age groups there was a shared perception that any time a woman
goes against her husband (disobeys him), she risks being beaten. At issue is the man’s
degree of “tolerance” for her behavior. At the core of this idea is a sense that women are at
fault for any violence they experience because they have somehow provoked their partners
into beating them:
A man will not accept to see a woman who is not giving him respect or is disobeying his
commands. This leads to misunderstanding which leads to throwing words at each other
or fighting.
Male PFG participant (25+ years old), Mbeya
It is very common if you refuse his orders you will be beaten. When he denies to start a
business and you do it anyway, you will be beaten. If you conceive/give birth and defend
yourself that it wasn't your plan but God's, you will be beaten. Whatever you do that
seems to be wrong to him will lead into you being beaten up.
Female PFG participant (18-24 years old), Dar es Salaam
15 Ugali is a ground maize meal, a traditional staple food in Tanzanian culture.
Help-Seeking Pathways and Barriers for Survivors of GBV in Tanzania March 2013
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