Glimpses of the God-Man, Meher Baba - Avatar Meher Baba Trust

24 GLIMPSES OF THE GOD-MAN
"Why Should I Suffer So Severely?"
Before I relate the incident that drew me close into Meher
Baba's personal contact, I would like to mention briefly my
earlier life, in which His invisible hands and heart were at work.
When I was eighteen years old and studying in college, I felt
deeply impressed by the ethical and philosophical greatness of
Hindu culture. The days I spent in the company of Dr.
Hedgewar, the founder of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh —
a cultural movement of the Hindus in India — were highly
influential in shaping my daily life in the light of the ideal
enshrined in my heart. I joined a band of selfless and honest
workers and participated in the work of organizing the Hindu
society in order to earn a noble and honorable living such as
was intended in the better days of old. All was going well when,
due to overwork and excessive cycling, I had a heavy
hemorrhage from the lungs. In spite of medical care the illness
took a serious turn, and it was declared that I had tuberculosis in
the third stage. I became so weak that for months I could not
even move sideways in bed.
"Why should I suffer so severely?" I asked myself. "Is there
God? And if He is, is He just?" I was thoroughly disturbed by
the conflicts and contradictions within me and around me. After
surgical operations in the Mission Hospital at Wanlesswadi,
Miraj, I felt better physically but the psychological confusion
was still dominant. To add fuel to the fire, and as a bolt from the
blue, my father died unexpectedly — and with this the dreams
of my youth for material prosperity and social service abruptly
ended.
Decision to Seek Aurobindo
By chance, my family decided to settle at Kurduwadi (Sholapur
District, Maharashtra). Under the circumstances