sponsoring through the twelve steps - Overeaters Anonymous

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Do I need to pray for this person?
Is it possible for me to make direct amends with this person?
What is the best way for me to make amends for this situation?
What behaviors do I need to change?
Have I experienced forgiveness in the process of making some of my amends?
After the sponsee has listed the people who have been harmed, the sponsor can
review each name with the sponsee and discuss the harm done. Then the sponsee can write
down what he or she might say to the person receiving the amends. Frequently the sponsor
goes over the wording with the sponsee and encourages the sponsee to eliminate any blame
directed toward the person to whom the reparation is to be made.
A simple, appropriate amends might include a list of defects demonstrated by the
sponsee’s behavior, possibly with an example of an incident, and a sincere apology for
harm done. Before making the amends, sponsor and sponsee might rehearse the apology
together, finding the balance of being honest and considerate without groveling.
It’s often best to make face-to-face amends, but the sponsee can write a letter or
make a phone call for long-distance apologies. Suggest that the sponsee pray before doing
each amends, asking God’s guidance and remembering that a Higher Power is in charge of
the outcome.
Sometimes it’s not evident that the sponsee’s behaviors have harmed another
person, but the sponsee may harbor resentment or ill will toward that person. In such cases,
suggest that the sponsee ask God to help him or her develop a compassionate, forgiving
and tolerant view toward that person. However, sponsees must not let ill feelings stop them
from taking corrective measures if they are warranted.
Most amends will require not only that a sponsee apologize, but also change
behaviors, correct wrongs and, if possible, repair damages. These actions are often called
“living amends.” Sponsors and sponsees usually discuss these thoroughly and develop a
plan for future behaviors. If a person cannot be contacted or amends cannot be made,
suggest alternative actions such as giving to others in a selfless way. Explain that we have
harmed ourselves in many ways, and we can make living amends to ourselves by making
amends to others.
While making amends, a sponsee needs to understand that “except when to do so
would injure them or others” does not mean injury to the sponsee from embarrassment,
fear, discomfort, financial burden or shame. Injury to others might include private
information that could compromise employees, family members, friends or others. It is
critical to recovery for the sponsee to take direction from the sponsor regarding amends
that may not be appropriate.
Your support and guidance are vital in Step Nine. Sponsors who have taken this
Step will be able to share the joy and relief that most amends bring. Occasionally
reparations may not be well-received. The point of Step Nine is for sponsees to clean their
side of the street and let go of the results, whether positive or negative. It is important to
remind the sponsee that whatever happens when making amends, we become closer to
God, more at peace with ourselves and better able to be of service to others.
After sponsees have begun to make amends, some sponsors introduce them to Steps
Ten, Eleven and Twelve, since some amends (such as financial) may take years to
complete. Other sponsors, however, feel it is beneficial to finish each Step before
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