sponsoring through the twelve steps - Overeaters Anonymous

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SPONSORING THROUGH THE TWELVE STEPS
The Twelve Steps of OA
1. We admitted we were powerless over food—that our lives had become
unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we
understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our
wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to
them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would
injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as
we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to
carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this
message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Permission to use the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous for adaptation granted by AA World Services, Inc.
Introduction
Sponsorship is one of the vital keys to recovery in Overeaters Anonymous (OA).
Sponsors are abstinent OA members who are committed to refraining from compulsive
eating and compulsive food behaviors. They are practicing the Twelve Steps and Twelve
Traditions to the best of their ability, and are willing to share their experience, strength and
hope with other compulsive eaters. Sharing with others is one way sponsors maintain their
recovery; thus, both sponsor and sponsee benefit from the relationship.
By reaching out for help from a sponsor, a sponsee is putting into action the words
of the OA Promise: “I put my hand in yours, and together we can do what we could never
do alone.” Reaching out for help involves a degree of surrender. The sponsorship
relationship involves commitment from both individuals.
This guide provides suggestions to help sponsors guide their sponsees through the
Twelve Steps of Overeaters Anonymous. All sponsors are sharing the OA Twelve-Step
program up to the level of their own experience.
Many sponsors work with local sponsees, but it is not uncommon to maintain the
relationship by phone, email or letters. (See www.oa.org for Service-by-Mail/Email
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Some sponsors take a highly structured approach; others are easygoing and
flexible. Since ours is a disease of isolation, sponsors encourage their sponsees to develop
the habit of reaching out for help. It is usually the sponsee’s responsibility to contact the
sponsor. Some sponsors designate specific times for sponsees to contact them, while others
are available at any time. Whatever guidelines you use, sharing your experience, strength
and hope is as essential to being a good sponsor as is careful listening.
If you and others in your area are all new to OA, we suggest that you pair up and
help each other use this guide. You can better understand methods of working the Steps
with another person by attending Step-study meetings or by discussing sponsorship
problems with other sponsors. But in general, the best way to learn to be a sponsor is to
have a sponsor.
The Twelve Steps of Overeaters Anonymous
The Twelve Steps are the heart of our program. Without them Overeaters
Anonymous would be just another diet club.
Reading OA-approved literature is an excellent way for sponsees to learn about
these life-changing Steps.
This includes
The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous, commonly
referred to as the OA “Twelve and Twelve”;
A Guide for Sponsors, which includes 30 questions to acquaint the sponsee with
the first three Steps of the OA recovery program; and
The Twelve-Step Workbook of Overeaters Anonymous, which helps sponsees
strengthen their program by answering thought-provoking questions drawn from
the OA “Twelve and Twelve.”
Other helpful publications include Alcoholics Anonymous, commonly referred to as
the Big Book (specifically, the preface through page 103) and AA’s Twelve Steps and
Twelve Traditions (the AA “Twelve and Twelve”). Many OA members have learned from
experience that the suggestions in AA literature also work for food compulsions and
obsessions.
If someone wants your help in working the Steps, it is useful to have information
on common practices. Most sponsors feel that frequent or daily contact is most beneficial.
Meeting with your sponsee is a good time to read the literature, discuss the Steps and
address questions or comments that may arise. Help your sponsee understand each Step by
recommending specific reading assignments from the “Twelve and Twelve” literature and
the Big Book. The sponsee will gain deeper understanding by writing answers to Step
questions rather than by discussion alone. Sponsors often do the same writing assignments
as their sponsees, sharing their written answers after the sponsees read theirs.
The first few weeks of the sponsoring relationship are a good time for the sponsee
to create and begin to follow a plan of eating, possibly weighing and measuring food
portions; report regularly to a sponsor; accept some sponsoring guidelines; attend
meetings; and get acquainted with using the tools of the program.
OA literature recommends visiting a qualified health-care professional such as a
nutritionist, dietitian or doctor to assist in developing healthy eating practices. The OA
pamphlet Dignity of Choice also offers ideas for suggested plans of eating.
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Some sponsors and sponsees may choose to keep their relationship anonymous.
Others will be happy to be open about their sponsorship relationship. The OA Anonymity
booklet and The Tools of Recovery pamphlet explain anonymity and its importance. It is
also important that the sponsor and sponsee commit themselves to being completely honest
with each other.
Sponsees Becoming Sponsors
At certain points in the sponsoring relationship, it is appropriate to encourage your
sponsees to indicate at meetings that they are qualified sponsors. By sharing up to their
level of experience, they can start giving back what they have received in order to maintain
spiritual recovery and abstinence. While the Steps are ongoing, the initial completion of
Steps Three, Four, Five, Ten and Twelve are especially appropriate times to do this.
You may also consider introducing the sponsee yourself. If you want to maintain
your sponsoring anonymity, you can ask the group secretary to do the introduction.
NOTE: Throughout this pamphlet, all references to the “Twelve and Twelve” literature
include both the OA and AA books. All references to the Big Book are to the 4 th edition.
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STEP ONE: We admitted we were powerless over food—that our lives had become
unmanageable.
Step One has two parts: admitting powerlessness and admitting unmanageability.
To better understand these concepts, sponsors will have their sponsees read Step
information, either alone or with the sponsor. Suggest reading Step One from the “Twelve
and Twelve” literature. Discussing the ideas or questions that arise from these readings can
help in understanding compulsive eating as a serious three-fold disease.
Following are examples of questions to use in discussion or writing assignments:
How do you know you are a compulsive eater?
What evidence shows that you are powerless over food?
What methods have you used to control your eating or weight?
When do you first remember being unhappy about your size or eating behaviors?
What were the results of your last binge?
How can compulsive eating be a matter of life or death?
Is there any other diet or weight-loss program you want to try?
Can you trust yourself with food?
Do you feel defeated by food?
Are you willing to go to any length to recover?
What does “going to any length” mean to you?
How has food made your life unmanageable?
Do parts of your life seem out of control?
Recount your eating history.
If sponsees are not sure they are ready to follow a plan of eating or to work the
Steps, they will still benefit from attending more meetings or talking to other OA
members. If sponsees want to try methods other than OA (or other methods in addition to
OA) to recover from compulsive eating and compulsive food behaviors, encourage them to
do so. Sponsors share their experience, strength and hope with sponsees. OA welcomes all
who have a desire to stop eating compulsively.
If your sponsee is following suggestions and shows a willingness to embrace the
program, continue sharing your experience of working the Steps and go on to Step Two.
STEP TWO: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to
sanity.
Like Step One, Step Two has two components: coming to believe and accepting the
need to have sanity restored. A commonly accepted definition of insanity is “doing the
same thing and expecting a different result.” Some sponsors discuss the idea of insanity
first, then the belief in a power greater than ourselves. Whichever approach you use, being
powerless necessitates finding some kind of power to do the seemingly impossible. To
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help with this process, suggest that your sponsee read Step Two in the “Twelve and
Twelve” literature.
After attending meetings and seeing the recovery of other OA members, some
sponsees, particularly those who are agnostics or atheists, come to believe in the OA
Fellowship and its tools as powers greater than themselves. Although Step Two does not
mention God, some people may turn to a Higher Power from an organized religion or their
childhood understanding.
Honesty, willingness and open-mindedness are all that are necessary for sponsees
to move through this Step, whether they come into OA with a strong faith or with an
agnostic or atheistic disposition. As the OA “Twelve and Twelve” points out, we can “set
aside theological arguments and examine the idea of spiritual power in the light of our own
desperate need for help with our lives” (p. 14).
Some of these questions may be useful:
Have you demonstrated insane behaviors concerning food?
Do you believe you need to be restored to sanity?
Have you come to believe recovery is possible?
Being powerless over food, can you see the need to find a Higher Power to help
you recover?
What powers are greater than you are?
What in the OA program has helped you thus far?
What do you believe has the power to restore you to sanity?
Are you willing to believe in a power greater than you are?
One definition of a compulsion is “an irresistible urge to perform an irrational act.”
Giving socially acceptable reasons for socially unacceptable behavior is rationalizing.
Although compulsive overeaters may be rational in many respects, most have been insane
with their eating behaviors. Many OA members admit to rationalizing and making excuses
for compulsive eating. Generate discussion about compulsions and insane behaviors by
asking questions such as the following:
Do you continue to expect different results from the same behaviors?
Do you have irresistible urges to eat or control your food?
Do you make excuses for or rationalize your eating behaviors?
Have you ever considered that compulsive eating is not rational or sane?
Do you have difficulty believing the evidence shown in the mirror, on the scales or
by clothes that don’t fit?
What are irrational ways in which you use food?
Have you ever exhibited unacceptable eating behaviors alone or with others?
Do you binge, purge, sneak, hide or restrict food?
Is it impossible to stop your eating behaviors despite feelings of humiliation, shame
and remorse?
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Have critical health conditions been brought on or worsened by compulsive eating?
Have you bought excess food with money that should have been used for other
needs?
Have you ever contemplated or attempted suicide?
Is food a power greater than yourself?
Ask your sponsee(s) if they have come to believe that a power greater than
themselves can restore them to sanity. If a sponsee indicates even a willingness to believe,
he or she is ready for Step Three.
STEP THREE: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God
as we understood Him.
A sponsee can prepare for this Step by reading Step Three in the “Twelve and
Twelve” literature.
The symptoms of food compulsion suggest that compulsive eating is a physical,
emotional and spiritual illness. The literature explains that by correcting this spiritual
disease, we can overcome physical, emotional and spiritual problems. Step Three addresses
the spiritual malady, indicating that a decision to surrender to a power greater than
ourselves is necessary for recovery on all three levels. To “turn our will and our lives over”
to a power greater than ourselves requires willingness, surrender and humility.
The Third Step gives OA members the freedom to design their own concept of
God. Some sponsors ask their sponsees to write a list or job description of what they want
their Higher Power to be. The following questions are helpful:
Who or what is the God of your understanding?
Do you have fears about surrendering to something greater than yourself?
What does surrender mean to you?
Are you willing to try surrendering to suggestions on how to recover?
Can you come up with an idea of a loving God as described in Tradition Two?
Is the God you describe one that you would be willing to turn your will and life
over to?
Are you willing to turn your will and your life over to the care of the God of your
understanding?
If the sponsee has thought well about this decision and has discussed this Step
thoroughly, it can be helpful to say the Third-Step Prayer together (page 63 of the Big
Book). Having made this decision, the sponsee is ready for Step Four.
STEP FOUR: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Step Four is the beginning of the recommended personal housecleaning. Directions
for a written moral inventory can be found in the OA Fourth-Step Inventory Guide, Step
Four in the “Twelve and Twelve” literature, or in The Twelve-Step Workbook of
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Overeaters Anonymous. It can also be helpful to read the Big Book from the bottom of
page 63 through the end of Chapter 5.
An inventory amounts to honestly looking at facts. Although others may be at fault
in many instances, the inventory is about the writer and how he or she has contributed to
the problems. Basic character defects include resentment, selfishness, dishonesty and fear.
These shortcomings give rise to a host of related defects such as self-pity, selfcenteredness,
self-righteousness, guilt, blame, jealousy, pride, arrogance, laziness,
negativity, unreasonable expectations, perfectionism, hopelessness, depression, judgment
and criticism. The list can go on and on. The suggested literature and discussion with other
sponsors can shed light on how to examine these destructive characteristics. But however
the sponsee approaches the inventory, OA members have found that writing it down is
essential.
Formats vary for taking this Step, but many sponsors agree that resentments are the
number one offender. Therefore, most sponsees begin by going back through their lives,
making a list of all persons, institutions, situations, principles and things at which they are
angry. Many people find they have some resentment toward nearly everyone and
everything.
After the sponsee makes the initial grudge list, he or she lists the reasons for the
resentments and examines his or her wrongdoings in each situation. These wrongdoings
are examples of how personal character defects add fuel to a problem and often justify
negative behaviors or skew facts in favor of the sponsee. Most inventories include a
section on fear, even when no resentments are connected to them. The sponsee can address
dishonesty and selfishness in all situations. The following questions are helpful:
Toward whom do I feel resentful?
Against what institutions, situations and principles do I hold resentments?
Would I secretly like to do the same if I could get away with it?
How have I contributed to the problem?
What unreasonable expectations do I have?
Am I asking for more than my share?
Did the outcome I wanted benefit myself more than others?
What was I afraid of losing?
What did I fear I wouldn’t get?
Where have I been dishonest, selfish or inconsiderate?
Whom have I hurt by my behaviors?
Did I arouse jealousy, bitterness or suspicion?
Where have I been at fault?
What should I have done instead?
What ideals do I think God would have me uphold from now on?
Am I willing to pray for guidance to do the right thing in each situation?
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Sponsors will be available for questions during the inventory process and often
share their own experiences. Such dialog can help develop the honesty that many
compulsive eaters lack in relationships. It also helps build the trust that will be needed in
case the sponsor is chosen to hear the sponsee’s Fifth Step.
Asking a sponsee to commit to writing regularly on Step Four, even setting aside
just 10 or 15 minutes a day, works better than occasional efforts. If a sponsee gets
concerned about sharing his or her Fifth Step or about making amends, remind the person
to focus on the inventory and on the present rather than on the future.
A vital part of examining the wreckage of the past is for the sponsee to honestly
write down everything that has bothered him or her. The Big Book says that by being
thorough, a lot will have been written down. When the sponsee feels he or she is finished
writing, ask if the sponsee has been fearless and thorough. Sponsors may also suggest that
sponsees ask their Higher Power to show them if they have forgotten or omitted anything.
At this point, sponsees may begin to feel remorse or even forgiveness for some of their
actions and start taking a kindly or tolerant view toward those they have hurt.
All the sponsee needs is faith, willingness and action. He or she is now ready to
take Step Five.
STEP FIVE: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact
nature of our wrongs.
Step Five is next in the process of thorough housecleaning. To recover from
compulsive eating, it is important for the sponsee to share the exact nature of his or her
wrongs with another person. While many sponsees take their Fifth Step with their sponsor,
some turn their Fifth Step over to another abstinent OA member or to a therapist, counselor
or spiritual advisor. This decision belongs entirely to the sponsee. Direct the sponsee
toward the literature, which gives clear suggestions for choosing such a person.
The sponsee may have developed feelings of safety and trust as the sponsoring
relationship has continued. If the sponsee chooses you to be the listener in this vital
process, it is essential that you remain open-minded and nonjudgmental, while observing
the tradition of anonymity.
It may take part of a day or many meetings to do the Fifth Step with another
person. The sponsor and sponsee will usually meet together to share the Step, sometimes
starting with a prayer. However, if you have a long-distance relationship, the telephone
may be the only reasonable solution. Most sponsors ask their sponsees to read what they
have written, although sometimes the list and writings are used for more dialog. A sponsor
will listen and make helpful comments, as well as sharing insights and similar experiences.
Hopefully, it will become obvious after a short time that a sponsee has thoroughly
investigated his or her shortcomings. Occasionally, however, it may become clear that the
sponsee still has work to do. The sponsee may not have addressed large time gaps or major
defects. The inventory may consist primarily of complaining, self-pity and fault-finding. In
this case, it’s common for sponsors to share further some of their own Fourth-Step writings
to clarify how to take one’s own inventory.
Some parts of an inventory may appear redundant. However, keep in mind that the
repetition may be a necessary part of the healing process.
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When sponsees have completed the Fifth Step, most sponsors ask them to take time
to reflect and pray about the process they’ve just completed and review the Steps they’ve
taken. Sponsees can ask themselves the following questions:
Is there anything I have omitted from this inventory?
Have I shared everything with another human being?
Is there anything I want to keep secret forever?
Can I see fear as an underlying factor in my problems?
Have I shared the exact nature of my wrongs?
Have I included my Higher Power in this process?
Have I been fearless and thorough to the best of my ability?
Do I have a sense of relief or freedom?
Have I experienced the nearness of my Higher Power?
Do I believe I have begun to have a spiritual experience?
Completion of Step Five leads immediately into Step Six. Sponsees should retain
their Step-Four inventories because they will be useful when doing Steps Eight and Nine.
STEP SIX: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Step Six can be relatively short, or it may include more writing. Usually sponsees
take this Step after prayer and meditation. Some sponsors simply ask the question, “Are
you entirely ready for God to remove all your defects of character?” If a sponsee can
answer honestly that he or she is ready or willing to be ready, those sponsors consider that
Step Six has been taken.
Other sponsors have their sponsees list all the troublesome behaviors and attitudes
they discovered while writing their Fourth-Step inventory, and then examine how these
behaviors and attitudes lead to compulsive eating.
Although the Big Book devotes only one short paragraph on page 76 to this Step,
useful discussion can be sparked by reading Step Six in the “Twelve and Twelve”
literature with your sponsee. If you ask your sponsee to list problematic traits, you can also
ask the person to examine and strive for the opposite characteristics. Resentments can be
replaced by practicing kindness, patience, tolerance, forgiveness and love; dishonesty by
practicing honesty; selfishness by practicing consideration and compassion for others; and
fear by practicing faith and courage. Behaving better than how we feel and acting well in
all our affairs can result in character defects being removed.
The following questions can be helpful:
How has each defect worked for you?
How has each behavior and attitude caused you trouble?
How can these defects contribute to or affect the outcome of situations?
Do you have shortcomings you want to hold on to?
If so, what is the payoff?
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Are you afraid of what will happen if you let them go?
Are you willing to allow God to remove your character defects?
Can you put aside old ideas that are no longer working for you?
Are you willing to practice letting go of these shortcomings?
Remind sponsees that willingness is the essence of Step Six, even though a Higher
Power has the job of removing character defects. If the sponsee is willing to have
shortcomings removed, he or she is ready for Step Seven.
STEP SEVEN: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Step Seven points to prayer and humility, implying that both are necessary to
continue taking the Steps. Humility is often considered the essence of Step Seven. Being
humble might be defined as accepting things exactly as they are. Reading and discussing
Step Seven from the “Twelve and Twelve” literature can help a sponsee more fully
understand the concept of humility and the part acceptance plays in this Step.
Some sponsors will ask sponsees to say the Seventh-Step Prayer from page 76 in
the Big Book. Other sponsors take a more involved approach. As mentioned in the OA
“Twelve and Twelve” on page 62, a sponsee “might begin with a prayer for genuine
humility.” You can ask additional questions, including:
What does humility mean to you?
Can you see that low self-esteem, as well as pride, is evidence of a lack of
humility?
Have you struggled to get rid of traits you don’t like?
Can you accept that some character defects may not be removed immediately?
Can you see the necessity of inviting God to remove your shortcomings?
Do you believe God can remove your defects?
If the sponsee is ready to complete Step Seven, you might suggest saying the
Seventh-Step Prayer together before approaching Step Eight.
STEP EIGHT: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make
amends to them all.
When writing the Fourth-Step inventory, most sponsees develop a list of
resentments. Sponsors usually ask them to look over this list and write down the names of
those they have harmed as a result. To assist in deciding whether real harm has been done,
ask the following questions:
Was the harm done in thought or in action?
Have your attitudes resulted in actual harm?
When in doubt as to whether harm has been done, sponsors suggest that the
sponsee include those names on the list for later evaluation. Asking a Higher Power for
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guidance about the list and for the willingness to make amends is essential. The literature
also recommends praying for the health, happiness, prosperity and benefit of those whom
the sponsee has harmed. However, sometimes the willingness to right a wrong does not
come easily. In such cases, you can guide the sponsee to organize the list into several
sections such as:
a) those to whom the sponsee is currently willing to make amends;
b) amends that will require time to make, such as long-term financial restitution or
amends that need further thought, prayer, writing and/or discussion;
c) living amends that require the sponsee not only to apologize but also to change
behavior or to repair damages; and
d) amends the sponsee is not yet willing to make.
Reviewing Fourth-Step questions from the OA “Twelve and Twelve” can also be
helpful when making such a list. After the sponsee has listed all persons who have been
harmed, and if the sponsee is willing to proceed to Step Nine, then this initial Step Eight
has been completed.
Many OA members find, as time goes by in recovery, that other Step-Eight amends
reveal themselves.
STEP NINE: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to
do so would injure them or others.
Step Nine can help sponsees establish better relationships. Step Nine in the
“Twelve and Twelve” literature contains helpful information for making amends. By
making amends for past behaviors, this Step allows sponsees to replace fear with faith, to
build self-respect, and to begin experiencing miracles of recovery and conscious contact
with a Higher Power.
Step Nine completes the process begun in Step Four. As amends progress,
resentments, self-pity and anger often disappear. Sponsees may also begin to experience
forgiveness and compassion toward those for whom they previously harbored negative
feelings. Therefore, sponsees may find they are no longer in bondage to compulsive
overeating and self-obsession.
Sponsors can reassure sponsees by sharing some of their own personal experiences
when making amends. This will help give sponsees the courage to undertake this
miraculous and transforming Step. To prepare for making each amends, sponsees can ask
themselves these questions:
What have I done to harm this person?
Will I harm this person or others if I make amends to him or her?
Is my amends implying any wrongdoing on the other’s part?
Have I kept my apology as short and simple as possible?
Am I willing to make this amends?
Do I need to ask God to give me the honesty, willingness and strength to make this
apology?
Do I need to do other amends before I’m ready to do this one?
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Do I need to pray for this person?
Is it possible for me to make direct amends with this person?
What is the best way for me to make amends for this situation?
What behaviors do I need to change?
Have I experienced forgiveness in the process of making some of my amends?
After the sponsee has listed the people who have been harmed, the sponsor can
review each name with the sponsee and discuss the harm done. Then the sponsee can write
down what he or she might say to the person receiving the amends. Frequently the sponsor
goes over the wording with the sponsee and encourages the sponsee to eliminate any blame
directed toward the person to whom the reparation is to be made.
A simple, appropriate amends might include a list of defects demonstrated by the
sponsee’s behavior, possibly with an example of an incident, and a sincere apology for
harm done. Before making the amends, sponsor and sponsee might rehearse the apology
together, finding the balance of being honest and considerate without groveling.
It’s often best to make face-to-face amends, but the sponsee can write a letter or
make a phone call for long-distance apologies. Suggest that the sponsee pray before doing
each amends, asking God’s guidance and remembering that a Higher Power is in charge of
the outcome.
Sometimes it’s not evident that the sponsee’s behaviors have harmed another
person, but the sponsee may harbor resentment or ill will toward that person. In such cases,
suggest that the sponsee ask God to help him or her develop a compassionate, forgiving
and tolerant view toward that person. However, sponsees must not let ill feelings stop them
from taking corrective measures if they are warranted.
Most amends will require not only that a sponsee apologize, but also change
behaviors, correct wrongs and, if possible, repair damages. These actions are often called
“living amends.” Sponsors and sponsees usually discuss these thoroughly and develop a
plan for future behaviors. If a person cannot be contacted or amends cannot be made,
suggest alternative actions such as giving to others in a selfless way. Explain that we have
harmed ourselves in many ways, and we can make living amends to ourselves by making
amends to others.
While making amends, a sponsee needs to understand that “except when to do so
would injure them or others” does not mean injury to the sponsee from embarrassment,
fear, discomfort, financial burden or shame. Injury to others might include private
information that could compromise employees, family members, friends or others. It is
critical to recovery for the sponsee to take direction from the sponsor regarding amends
that may not be appropriate.
Your support and guidance are vital in Step Nine. Sponsors who have taken this
Step will be able to share the joy and relief that most amends bring. Occasionally
reparations may not be well-received. The point of Step Nine is for sponsees to clean their
side of the street and let go of the results, whether positive or negative. It is important to
remind the sponsee that whatever happens when making amends, we become closer to
God, more at peace with ourselves and better able to be of service to others.
After sponsees have begun to make amends, some sponsors introduce them to Steps
Ten, Eleven and Twelve, since some amends (such as financial) may take years to
complete. Other sponsors, however, feel it is beneficial to finish each Step before
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proceeding further.
STEP TEN: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong,
promptly admitted it.
Steps Ten, Eleven and Twelve are often called “maintenance,” “growth” or “living”
Steps because they enable OA members to maintain physical abstinence, emotional
sobriety and spiritual well-being, and to continue improving personal relationships. Step
Ten begins the process of incorporating the principles of the previous Steps into everyday
life. Sponsees are directed to grow in understanding and effectiveness by continuing to
watch for character defects.
When discussing Step Ten, it is helpful to read the “Twelve and Twelve” literature
with your sponsee. Some sponsors also refer to Step Ten in the Big Book. Explain to your
sponsee that the Tenth Step may include a mental or on-the-spot examination as situations
arise, using a checklist, writing, or doing a daily review with a sponsor or an OA buddy.
The literature also suggests asking God to remove defects as they appear, discussing
problems with another person, making amends quickly if others have been harmed, and
then helping others by showing kindness, patience, tolerance and love. Many OA members
also take an annual in-depth inventory by reviewing old questions; taking advantage of the
many face-to-face, phone and online Step-Study meetings, workshops and retreats; or
using a different sponsor.
Although OA members generally agree that sponsees should take the Steps in
order, some sponsors have their sponsees begin making a daily review as soon as they can.
To help with this spiritual discipline, sponsees can ask themselves questions such
as the following:
Have resentment, dishonesty, selfishness or fear cropped up?
Did I engage in worry, remorse, guilt or negativity?
Have I asked God if corrective measures need to be taken?
Do I need to discuss something with another person right away?
Have I harmed anyone?
Do I owe an apology?
Do I need to review one or more of the Steps?
Is there someone I need to help?
Do my actions toward others demonstrate love and tolerance?
When approached with a problematic situation, you can direct your sponsees to
take the new issue through the Steps. Sponsor and sponsee can begin together with the
Serenity Prayer, and then the sponsee can take Step One. Admitting he or she is powerless
over the situation, the sponsee can list ways in which the situation is making life
unmanageable.
Then ask the sponsee to take Step Two, discussing and remembering how a Power
greater than ourselves can return us to sanity. Step Three can lead the sponsee to decide to
turn the situation over to the care of his or her Higher Power.
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Step Four will direct the sponsee to look at how he or she is contributing to the
problem, looking for defects, attitudes and behaviors. Step Five will be completed with an
oral inventory, or can be shared after the sponsee has finished writing.
You and your sponsee can then go through Steps Six and Seven again, as discussed
previously. Continuing with Steps Eight and Nine, you and your sponsee can decide if and
how amends need to be made.
By reviewing the “Twelve and Twelve” literature, sponsees can also explore
whether any Traditions have not been upheld. This can help sponsees understand how to
personally apply the principles contained in the Traditions, thus deepening their
understanding of how character defects manifest themselves. By taking this daily
inventory, sponsees can minimize or prevent the return of character defects and such
feelings as resentment, self-centeredness, dishonesty or fear.
STEP ELEVEN: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious
contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us
and the power to carry that out.
Sponsors will have already introduced sponsees to the concepts of Step Eleven by
encouraging them to build a relationship with God. Having worked the previous Steps,
sponsees will undoubtedly have had evidence of a Higher Power working in their lives.
However, continuing to maintain conscious contact with God ensures the spiritual fitness
necessary for continued abstinence and a life that remains happy, joyous and free.
Prayer is talking to God, and meditation is listening to God. Most sponsors
recognize that prayer and meditation are highly individualized practices and that there are
as many ways to pray and meditate as there are people. However, our literature explains
the importance of intentionally seeking the God of our understanding every day,
developing a God consciousness, developing intuition and coming to rely on it.
Step Eleven questions could include:
How have I sought God’s will for myself today?
Am I taking time to seek God’s will through prayer and meditation?
Have I attended my regular OA meetings so I can carry the message as well as hear
God’s will through the sharing of others?
Have I behaved towards others today as God would have me?
Was I the best example of the OA program that I could be today?
Was I useful to others?
Our literature suggests contacting God upon arising to ask for guidance in planning
the day. Encourage your sponsees to pray that God remove their self centeredness, help
them consider other people and give them inspiration; and that God’s will be done. When
problems arise throughout the day, the sponsee can pause, ask God’s direction, and then
relax, knowing the answers will come.
In addition to the above information, use Step Eleven as an opportunity for
sponsees to look in depth at the Twelve Traditions. To seek spiritual growth and improved
relationships with others, sponsees can use writing or another form of meditation to
consider questions such as:
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How does each Tradition apply to my life on a personal, day-to-day level?
Do I apply the principles of the Steps and Traditions in all my affairs?
How has each of the promises manifested in my life?
What actions am I taking to seek improved conscious contact with the God of my
understanding?
Have I prayed selfishly?
Do I pray for knowledge of God’s will for me and the power to carry that out?
How do I manifest God’s will for me during the day?
As we grow in program, we learn to rely more and more on a higher spiritual
power, realizing that through prayer and meditation, we will be taken care of in a way that
we never thought possible.
STEP TWELVE: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we
tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles
in all our affairs.
Arriving at Step Twelve is a gradual process rather than something that happens at
a set point in time. It does not mean we are cured of this disease or can rest on our laurels.
Practicing these principles in all our affairs and seeking God’s will become daily
disciplines and a way of life. Questions to be answered might include:
How do you know you have had a spiritual awakening?
What evidence do you have of a Higher Power working in your life?
What are the principles you have learned from taking all Twelve Steps?
In what ways do you practice these principles in all your affairs?
How do you try to carry this message to other compulsive overeaters?
What is this message?
Has your concept of God changed as a result of taking the Steps?
As the OA Responsibility Pledge states, “Always to extend the hand and heart of
OA to all who share my compulsion; for this I am responsible.” If your sponsee has not
previously offered at meetings to sponsor someone, arriving at the Twelfth Step is a good
time to do so. The new sponsor is responsible for carrying the message of the Twelve Steps
to other compulsive eaters.
Many sponsees are intimidated by the prospect of becoming a sponsor. Many
sponsors, having worked with people who are eager for recovery and willing to do the
Steps, know the joy of carrying the message through a sponsoring relationship. As the
literature suggests, it is an experience that must not be missed. Our program emphasizes
that working with others is required for continuous recovery. This could include sharing
with other compulsive eaters, helping at a meeting, being a sponsor, becoming involved in
the OA service structure, or explaining to interested family or friends what OA is and how
it works.
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None of us sponsor in isolation. A new sponsor will get much guidance by
following suggestions from his or her sponsor, particularly in the early days of sponsoring.
Reading Step Twelve in the “Twelve and Twelve” literature will also be helpful. We
cannot keep what we have been given unless we give it away.
However the message is carried, Step Twelve provides insurance that both new and
longtime sponsors will continue to recover and to remain happy, joyous and free. The OA
Promise sums up this message of Twelve-Step recovery:
I put my hand in yours,
and together we can do what we could never do alone.
No longer is there a sense of hopelessness,
no longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower.
We are all together now, reaching out our hands for power and strength greater than
ours, and as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest
dreams.
The Twelve Traditions of OA
1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon OA unity.
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving God as He may
express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they
do not govern.
3. The only requirement for OA membership is a desire to stop eating compulsively.
4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or OA as
a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the compulsive
overeater who still suffers.
6. An OA group ought never endorse, finance or lend the OA name to any related
facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us
from our primary purpose.
7. Every OA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
8. Overeaters Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service
centers may employ special workers.
9. OA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or
committees directly responsible to those they serve.
10. Overeaters Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the OA name ought
never be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need
always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, television and
other public media of communication.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all these Traditions, ever reminding us to
place principles before personalities.
Permission to use the Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous for adaptation granted by AA World Services, Inc.
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