WHAT AILS EUROPE? - On The Road Magazine Website. An ...

European Eccentrics
Ewes in brief
We’ve had Babe, the movie about a sheep pig. Now meet Champis, the dwarf rabbit
who also thinks he’s a sheepdog. Champis learnt to round up sheep by watching
border collies on a farm in Ornskoldsvik, Sweden, and his skills have been admired by
more than 700,000 people in one week on YouTube.
“He has learnt these skills himself; we had nothing to do with it,” said farmer Greta
Vigren. “He has seen the dogs doing it. Champis thinks he is the king of the farm. He just
likes to be in charge.”
And it’s all over ewe known!
The world’s oldest sheep, Methuselina, has fallen off a cliff on the Scottish island of
Lewis. She died a month short of her 26th birthday. Her owner, John Maciver, said
“She passed away and I wouldn’t say peacefully.”
Scotland’s
dimmest thief
A teenager has earned the reputation as
‘Scotland’s dimmest thief’. He broke into his
neighbour’s house and stole a distinctive
stripy top and was seen wearing it at home
an hour after committing the crime. Jarnie
Alexander, 18, admitted theft.
His victim, Jason Rendall, told Stirling sheriff
court: “I walked in after work and noticed
there was a hole in the window. There were
only cables where the television had been. I
went into the garden, looked at my neighbour’s
house and there he was - wearing my
jumper and trying to tune in my TV. He was
also wearing my jeans, so I knew he was the
thief. I was really angry but I had to laugh at
his stupidity!”
One
sexexpresso please
A barista who started serving customers in
risqué outfits to increase trade has caused
deep divisions in her local town of Bagnolo
Mella, Italy.
Laura Maggi’s ‘marketing plan’ has proved
highly popular with men, who travel from
over a 100 kilometres away to get a glimpse
of her. As a result, the roads have become
so congested that the mayor of Bagnola
Mella has threatened to bring in a by-law to
limit the traffic.
But local women are apparently furious;
pointing out that Bagnolo Mella is a
respectable town. The mayor laughingly
said she has banned her own husband from
visiting Laura’s bar, but she would like to
know why he wants to go there.
Laura herself says she is bemused by the
fuss. “It’s not like I’m nude. Sure, I wear short
skirts and bra-tops but nothing worse than
that. I am a single mother with two children
- what do these people expect me to do -
sell cocaine?”
London’s moved
The American news channel CNN has
apologised for featuring a map of Britain on
which London was placed 100 miles away
in Norfolk.
“CNN apologises for a map error, which shifted
London from its correct location,” said the TV
station.
And...
On-the-job training
Dozens of Australian men have applied for a
£50,000-a-year job testing brothels.
Lyonswood Investigations, a private detective
agency, is advertising for single men to
expose illegal prostitution.
“Some jobs require the offering of sexual
services,” said Lachlan Jarvis of Lyonswood.
“Some actually require the partaking of
sexual services ... because it is considered the
most convincing evidence. We had dozens; if
not more than that, apply. It was certainly a
popular position.”
Italians tire of boars
The seaside town of Alassio, on Italy’s
Ligurian coast, has lost patience with dozens
of wild boars that have taken up residence in
the town; the authorities have told hunters
to shoot to kill. Initially seen as charming
visitors, the boars lost their appeal after causing
traffic accidents, destroying gardens and
scaring children and members of the public.
By coincidence, boar meat is a delicacy in
Liguria!.
Batman or Joker?
A former convict is hoping to turn his life
around by dressing up as Batman and
patrolling the streets of his town.
Zoltan Kohari, 26, goes out in Dunajska
Streda, Slovakia - dressed in his homemade
Batman outfit to tidy up, help old
people and alert police to crime.
In return, his neighbours give him food. “I
have decided to do good for the people,” he
said. “I take care of order and help clean up.”
And in China you can
literally “Shop ‘till you
drop”
Customer Li Wen walked out of a shop door
marked exit and suddenly found herself
clinging to the door handle and dangling
over a 25ft drop. “I thought it was a quick
way out of the shop,” said Li, 26, “but I didn’t
realise how quick.”
Lu Fen, the owner of the shop in Tianjin, said
the door was an emergency exit and ‘Health
and Safety’ regulations said it had to stay
unlocked. It should have had stairs but the
builders had left without providing any.
“Their contract said one emergency exit in
shop, but it didn’t specify any stairs, so they
were never built,” she said. “I try to keep an eye
on customers but on a busy day it’s not easy.”
No pyjamas
A benefits office in Dublin has warned
claimants against turning up in pyjamas.
‘Pyjamas are not regarded as appropriate
attire when attending Community Welfare
Service,’ reads a sign at Damastown social
welfare office.
UFO!!!!!!
A man spotted a UFO hovering above his
home and did what anyone else would do,
he called 999. “It was coming towards us,
at first I thought it was an aeroplane, but
now it is just hovering over us with all these
lights on, I don’t know what the hell it is” he
told officers at the emergency services at
Hertfordshire police control office.
He called back a couple of minutes later,
apologised as he had now identified the
frightening object – as the moon
No dying - by order
Exceeding his authority slightly, the mayor
of an Italian town has banned residents from
dying. Giulio Cesare Fava said there was no
more room in the cemetery of Falciano del
Massico, north of Naples, and issued the
following order:
“It is forbidden for residents to go beyond the
boundaries of earthly life and to go into the
afterlife”. According to the newspaper La
Stampa, two residents are currently in breach
of the order.
Paw Pamela
Pamela
Followed in her owner’s footsteps and
boarded a train in her Tuscan hometown
of Arezzo on Monday, headed towards the
Emilia-Romagna capital of Bologna.
Unlike previous journeys, she was all on
her own.
The female pooch walked herself to the
train station in the town’s centre, waited on
the appropriate platform at the right time,
then boarded the regional line towards the
home town of her owner’s girlfriend, seated
in the carriage she habitually took with her
human companion.
After the dog disappeared during a walk,
Luca, the dog’s owner, plastered his
hometown of Arezzo with fliers and posted
‘missing’ bulletins on Twitter and Facebook.
Three sleepless nights later, the owner was
contacted by an animal shelter in Florence
where train staff left Pamela after noticing
the unaccompanied dog on the train.
The canine was identified thanks to her
microchip and the four-day search ended
happily when the tawny Labrador mix was
returned safely to her owner.
“We can finally sleep in peace now that she is
back,” said the dog’s elated owner.
Classified. Mad
These are classified ads, which were actually
placed in U.K. Newspapers:
• FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old.
Hateful little bastard bites!
•FREE PUPPIES.1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2
sneaky neighbour’s dog.
•FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club
registered German Shepherd. Father is
a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a
single bound.
•COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay
bull for sale.
•JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell
washer and dryer £100.
•WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once
by mistake. Call Stephanie.
And the WINNER is...
•FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of
Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No
longer needed, got married, wife knows
everything.
Italian babe
On the Road issue 201 Page 16