May 2011 - OutreachNC Magazine

Camel misbehaves in Mississippi
Senior Moments
Barb Cohea
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BAKER
LAWN CARE
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Tater Baker, Owner
910.875.2385 • 910.308.4412
Ever wondered, what’s the
largest living creature
the police in America (not
including Alaska) have tased?
Do not include any large
relatives you may have unless
they are bigger than a camel.
Which pretty much
leaves us with . . . a camel.
Once used in the American
Southwest instead of horses
(that whole waterless desert
thing), camels are shockingly no longer commonplace
in America.
Except in Kiln, Miss. where when you spy a fugitive
camel, it belongs to the only person in town, Ms. Donna
. . . ‘Smith’, who owns one.
Ms. Nedra . . . ‘Jones’ spots the fugitive and being
neighborly pulls into Donna’s driveway to say, “Hey girl,
did you know your camel’s loose?”
Nedra no sooner parks the car when the camel “attacks”
her red Nissan. Why it is newsworthy that it was a red
Nissan, I don’t know. Perhaps the camel has a known
aversion to red, or perhaps to Japanese cars. Probably if
she’d been driving a green Ford pickup she’d been fine.
The camel attacks; Ms. Nedra freaks out and goes into
‘possum mode.’ Not exactly playing dead, but a reasonable
imitation wherein she fails to remember that the camel
has no thumbs and, therefore, cannot open her car door.
Neither does Ms. Nedra realize her fully functional car
can go in reverse and she can back out of the driveway.
Believing she is trapped, she calls 911 for back up.
Deputy Ed . . . ‘Brown’ arrives, exits his vehicle and
approaches the angry camel.
Now a footnote: my forebears were Balkan camel
wranglers and my Grandfather once told me, “Baba, if
you’re going to approach an angry camel, first don’t do
it, but if you have to, go with great confidence that you
are the master and the camel is the beast.” I was five, but
www.OutreachNC.com
OutreachNC • May 2011 15
it still sounds like good
advice to me.
Unfortunately Deputy Ed
had no prior camel experience.
I’m thinking he lacked that
“great confidence” element
and showed it. Anyway, he tries
running the camel off.
Ed’s official report states, “the
animal was not complying with my
commands.” Really? It’s a camel. I don’t
think it knew it was being commanded.
Deputy Ed yelling, “Get away from the car, do it
now!” meant zip.
You know, I think I would’ve had the station call
Nedra and tell her to back the car out of the yard.
But that’s just me.
When the camel wouldn’t do as Ed commanded, and it
came towards him Ed tased the beast. We’ve all seen what
happens when a suspect gets tased on “Cops.” Imagine a
jiggly camel, hump flipping around, big old camel eyes
popping out, crashing to the ground in spasms. You think
Mr. Camel was irate BEFORE Ed got there?
I’m not sure who was luckier, Ed or the camel. The
camel didn’t get up and beat the crap out of Ed. Ed was
not forced to confront the logistical problems of arrest.
There was no “up against the wall, feet back, spread ‘em”
situation. No trying to squeeze a camel into the back of
the squad car. Although Ed, and Nedra’s red car scared
the excrement out of the camel, the camel scared Ed and
Nedra senseless.
Updates: the camel has a phobia about leaving its yard,
Ed is writing the police department’s SOPs on camels and
Nedra’s Nissan stalls whenever it gets close to the camel’s
neighborhood. Overall a valuable lesson was learned by
all . . . what it is I’m still trying to figure out.
Cohea, a freelance writer, can be reached by e-mailing
a37_tao@hotmail.com.
AUDIOLOGY of the SANDHILLS
Belinda Bryant, Vallie Goins,
Kate Tuomala, and Ruth Jones
PHONE (910) 692-6422
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www.SandhillsHearing.com