Fall 2009 - Presbyterian Homes & Services

So faith, hope, love abide, these three;
but the greatest of these is love.
- I CORINTHIANS 13:13 RSV
Chaplain Cal
Cooper meets
regularly with
Abider Valerie
Warkel. He
regards her
volunteer ministry
as essential to
the spiritual
care offered at
Roseville.
music, saying a prayer or reading a poem
or Scripture. Understanding how to
bring compassion and comfort by “being
present” takes time, but that is what an
Abider is trained to do.
All Abiders attend training led by a PHS
chaplain. The training gives awareness
to volunteers about spiritual, physical,
and emotional changes they may see as
they spend time abiding with a person on
the dying journey. Abiders learn how to
be a calm presence, how to be still, not
necessarily having to say anything. They
learn the scope of confidentiality and
how to appropriately interact with staff
and family, and it’s made clear to them
what is not their job. Cooper emphasized
that Abiders are not nurses or nursing
assistants. They do not provide medical
care or assistance or answer questions
related to medical or physical matters.
They do call for staff to help whenever
such issues arise.
Those who serve as Abiders often say that
their initial motivation was to help others.
With time and experience, they find their
own lives enriched in ways they could not
have anticipated. “It’s such an honor to
do this,” expressed Valerie. “I just
feel blessed.”
Valerie believes that God brought her into
this ministry when she read about it in the
newsletter of St. Odilia Catholic Church,
where she is a member. Starting about one
year ago, she has attended three dying
persons. “One woman was very aware and
loved to sing. So we each sang with her
during our shift,” Valerie remembers, “She
didn’t have any family, but for her last
days, we became her family.”
An important part of the ministry is
support to families. Family members,
when faced with the impending death of
a loved one, are often emotional, quick to
anger or, feel intense grief. In each case,
an Abider will have been trained on how
to respond, “so they aren’t surprised by
anything,” said Cooper.
Most families express their gratitude for
comfort brought by Abiders to their loved
ones, and to themselves. Alexis Bighley
found the help of Abiders enormously
comforting when her mother, Diana Baca,
began to pass from this life. “Our family
all helped out at mother’s bedside, but
there were times when we just couldn’t
be there,” Alexis recalled. “I knew that my
mother wanted someone to be with her.”
Alexis was grateful for the tenderness and
concern that the Abiders showed to her
mother as she transitioned from this life.
In hindsight, Alexis wishes that she had
asked for the help of Abiders sooner and
encourages other families to call upon
the valuable and meaningful ministry that
Abiders bring.
Brenda Alexander, Chaplain at
Presbyterian Homes of Arden Hills,
sees great value in the Abiders Ministry.
18
FALL 2009