7/13 Tribune copy 1 (Page 1) - Southbridge Evening News

PUTNAM VILLAGER
Friday, December 30, 2011
• A13
T’was the last night of Hanukkah
and all through the house
All the creatures were stirring, yes
even the mouse
The children each waited with baited
breath just to see
Exactly what their last present of
Hanukkah would be
Long gone were the years of eight
gifts times four kids
Thirty-two gifts for Hanukkah long ago hit
the skids
Dollar Store gifts didn’t cut it any more
It’s now cell phones, laptops, electronics
galore
When you add up the numbers, your head
starts to spin
So it began seven years ago when I refused to
give in
I looked at each child, said, “What do you
need?”
Each one looked back at me, quite quizzically
indeed
“What do we need? Really, nothing, we guess.”
Then it’s time to reduce our footprint, our
stress
“Now that I know that you don’t need a thing,
What, into this house, do you each suggest we
should bring?”
That year Dad deployed to Iraq and Gitmo
Getting them “things” couldn’t change that,
you know
They were sad, they were worried, their hearts
were broken
We tried not to dwell on the feelings unspoken
Perhaps they thought pets would bring them
some solace
There’s no other explanation for what now
was upon us
Along came two kittens, two guinea pigs, a
hamster, a rat
My mother was horrified, “Oh my God! Why’d
you get that?!”
THE NEW
NORMAL
LAURA
FISHER
ANDERSEN
Trust Your
Everything we need
I’d had the same thought, initially
that is
It belonged to our oldest (avid Harry
Potter fan), it’s his
At some point we added two cockatiels
as well
Then came my worries of the mess
and the smell
In only two days, the hamster was
gone
What now to get the boy who looked so forlorn?
Not just the hamster, the birds croaked too!
Quickly reduced was the lot of our zoo
Hamster boy bailed on the pets thankfully,
“A Nintendo DS is what it will be for me!”
Off to the store I trudged once more
Yet another electronic I brought through the
door
So began their understanding they are very
blessed
To have what they “need” disregarding the
rest
They have two parents who love them like
mad
There really is nothing else in life to be had
It was 2004 when our oldest was 13 and our
youngest was 6 that I decided enough was
enough.
While our youngest probably would have
been satisfied with trinkets of one sort or
another, I was already overwhelmed by the
amount of stuff we were amassing in our
home. Truly, how much does any one child
need? How much is too much? What do you
do when there is literally no more room to
put anything? You stop buying what you
don’t need.
The basics, such as T-shirts, underwear
and socks, are not “gifts” in my opinion.
They are necessities. If they are needed, I
will pick them up. If you would like a particular
color or style, you will go with me to
get them. Once we get beyond the necessities,
now what do you want? Even now, in
2011, each was hard-pressed to provide us Though we value the lessons learned in
with a list of things they wanted from balancing the responsibilities of academics,
which we could choose what to get them. My activities and employment, our primary
contribution to our family does not come focus has always been on what we feel is our
with a paycheck, so we have to work within children’s most important job and that is
our means.
education, whether achieved through the
It makes me happy that even our children homeschooling we did for several years, or
know there comes a point in time when you through traditional education. Given the
look around and realize you are fortunate to cost of higher learning, it was important
have everything you need, especially when that our children do as well as each could in
there are so many who don’t, without getting
school in the hopes of that paying off in the
into the reasons why. It makes me end. The few thousand dollars a year each
happy to know they’ve received a clear message
might earn through part-time employment
from us, which is that just because you would be nothing compared to potentially
want it, doesn’t mean you will get it. One of saving on the cost of college. If that cost
the things we’ve done with them since they could be defrayed by scholarships for their
were very young is to make them (and keep academic achievements, the tradeoff would
them) aware of what things cost, including be worthwhile.
our mortgage, electric, oil, cable, internet, Dad and I rarely get each other gifts. We
cell phones, car insurance, gasoline, etc., as have what we need – a roof over our heads,
well as what our income is so that as they clothes on our backs, food in our stomachs,
grew up and asked for things such as iPods, four healthy children and each other. This
laptops, iPhones, etc., they would understand
year, though, we received an enormous gift,
that they would have to choose from one we hoped would pan out – our second
their wish list. With a limited amount of son was awarded four years tuition at the
disposable income for each child, would University of Connecticut. He is also applying
they want one gift from their list, or perhaps
to the United States Coast Guard
a couple of items of lesser cost each? Academy, and if accepted there as well, he
Teaching them fiscal responsibility has will have a very tough decision to make. The
been an ongoing process.
Coast Guard is free. He will have to cover
Our oldest began working at 16 and managed
room and board at UConn. That will require
to save $14,000 before heading to school more work on his part. That’s not a bad
in NYC two years ago. That money is now thing.
gone, but, having paid for half of his associate’s
Regardless of what he chooses, it goes
degree from application to graduation without saying that we are incredibly proud
(tuition, books, everything), he has a far of him. Receiving these awards supports
greater appreciation of the value of a dollar. our belief that hard work and focus will typically
Our second son quickly realized the value
bring good things to those willing to
of a dollar when we took his gas card away! exercise it. That’s a valuable lesson for
Dashing here and there with, to and for his everyone.
friends quickly subsided, or he asked his
friends to contribute to the gas tank of the Laura Fisher Andersen is a resident of
car his parents own and insure for him. Putnam. She writes a bi-weekly column for
Now that he has recently gotten a couple of the Villager Newspapers. She may be reached
part-time jobs, he has a better idea of how at laurawriter65@gmail.com.
many hours he has to work in order to pay
for his own insurance. I can only hope that
gives him a better appreciation of the fact
that we don’t require him to pay for it.
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