Jacksonville's Carla Harris - St. Augustine Catholic

your marriage matters
he’s frugal she’s a spender what should they do?
he’s frugal
she’s a spender
what should they do?
Larry and Elaine have been married for
just more than a year. They are both
working full time and have no children.
Larry is an accountant and Elaine manages
a retail store. They have very different styles
of financial management, an issue that has become
a regular source of argument and irritation
in an otherwise happy relationship.
I’m getting really concerned about our
financial situation. I know we’re both only 26,
but we do need to think about our future. We’re
both hoping to be blessed with
Elaine seems to think we children and that’s a huge financial
can just live paycheck responsibility. Not only do we have
to paycheck and worry to consider what it costs to raise
about the future when it them, but there’s also college. We
comes. That’s what her also need to be financially independent
in our retirement. I realize it’s a
parents always did, and
now they’re paying for it sacrifice, but it’s prudent to be saving
with financial hardship. 25 percent of our monthly income.
Elaine seems to think we can just live paycheck to paycheck and
worry about the future when it comes. That’s what her parents
always did, and now they’re paying for it with financial hardship.
This is causing a lot of tension in our marriage.
r o m a n c e
Hide a note or surprise in your spouse’s suitcase
before a business trip. It’s like sending a little bit of
yourself along.
Bring home a small souvenir when you travel.
Your spouse will know you were thinking about them.
12 St. Augustine Catholic February 2006
I honestly don’t understand
why Larry is so upset.
We’re only 26, we have great
jobs and this is the time we
should be able to enjoy our
lives a little. We’ll have to
settle down soon enough and
I don’t see why we shouldn’t
splurge a little now. My parents
always believed in living
in the moment – one day at
a time. After all, you don’t
We’re only 26,
we have great
jobs and this
is the time we
should be able
to enjoy our
lives a little.
really know what the future will bring. I agree with
Larry that this is causing a lot of trouble between
us; I feel as if we argue about it all the time.
Although Larry and Elaine should
avail themselves of financial planning
seminars, budgeting guidelines
and other information to
address the practicalities of
their divergent attitudes
toward money, their fundamental
need is to tackle the
underlying philosophy about
finances and stewardship.
This can be addressed
spiritually, and I would suggest
that Larry and Elaine
consider Benedictine spirituality
and its focus on moderation,
stewardship and stability.
Stewardship is the godly use
of our resources
– including our
time and money.
Both of these
things, like all our
material possessions,
are on
loan from
t i m e
Volunteer Together.
Volunteering as a couple provides an opportunity to
share the joys and blessings of being and working
together for a common goal.
Good Marriage Tip:
First thing after rising in the morning, say to your
spouse, “I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.”
Now live it – because actions speak louder than words!
our Creator. It is our responsibility to manage
them well and care for them, without
developing an unhealthy sense of ownership
over them. It is also our responsibility
to use our resources to feed the
Larry and Elaine
should ask themselves
whether the homeless, as Jesus asked us to do.
hungry, clothe the naked and shelter
their purchases Larry and Elaine should ask themselves
whether their purchases and
and material
possessions are material possessions are things they
things they need need or fulfillments of excessive desires.
Is Elaine’s spending preventing
or fulfillments of
excessive desires. them from giving to the poor and
supporting their parish? Is Larry’s
desire to save prompted by a desire to prudently plan
so that they will have enough to raise a family and not
be a burden to their children, or is he hoping to live lavishly
later in life?
This couple will benefit from prayerfully considering
their responsibilities as stewards of God’s creation, discussing
with each other how they will manage their finances in
order to do so, and then living a Christian witness of charity
and moderation. If they focus on their common goals in this
regard, their arguments should cease and their relationship
will improve. – Cheval Breggins
m o n e y
As a couple, you should have ongoing family
meetings to discuss the philosophy, direction and
evaluation of your financial plan. Yearly at least,
quarterly at best. One financial chat early in your marriage
won’t cut it. Not only do our circumstances change
in life, but so do we.
parentin
parenting journey
how can I make
my children care?
teaching sensitivity to others
On New Year’s Day, we welcome the new
year and review the old. Once again, we watch
images of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita devastating
our country. Last August, the necessity of providing
the corporal works of mercy was evident – we had to give
concrete aid to our neighbors in their basic need. People were
stranded and surrounded by water, yet thirsting. They were
homeless, without food, without work. This generation of American
children and adolescents began to understand the distinction
between needs and wants in a solid and material way. How can
we help them continue in this understanding?
“You shall open your hand to your brother ... ” (Deut. 15:11)
Encourage children when they desire to show mercy toward
others. For example, soon after Hurricane Katrina, 6-year-old
Lauren Barrett received permission from her mother to have
a lemonade stand and send the profits to the Red Cross. Her
efforts were publicized on her local TV station in Kentucky. Other
children were doing the same in other states. Sunkist Growers,
a huge farm cooperative, set up a matching fund program. The
participating farmers donated supplies for more stands. Children
can understand that their efforts provide necessities to
other families: food, water, shelter and clothing.
“ I have learned, in whatever state I am, to be
content.” (Phil 4:11)
“Do as I say, not as I do” just doesn’t work with
children and adolescents. They are keen observers
and note whether we “walk the talk.” Even
adults can have trouble explaining some of their
purchases. Are we content with the blessings
in our lives? Do we stop to treasure those
possessions which have a value measured
by sentiment rather than dollars – an old baby
photo, a quilt made generations ago? In my
kitchen, I have a 60-year-old ceramic outlet
cover from my grandma’s house. Its only value is
the memory it sparks. Help your children define
the things they treasure, not just what’s plugged in
the world of advertising.
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give
you the desires of your heart.” (Ps 37:4)
Games and balls, pools and dolls can bring
laughter and joy. Or they can sit unused or discarded
after a week of ownership. Help your children determine
which items are “desires of the heart” and which
seem special because they were intriguing on a commercial
or at a friend’s house. If purchases are based
on envy, then happiness will not follow. Someone else
will always have more. As St. Teresa of Avila said,
“Comparing is the death of the spiritual life.”
– Dr. Cathleen McGreal
St. Augustine Catholic February 2006 13