How To Enhance Your Life - Dean Amory
Techniques for enhancing the quality of your life
Techniques for enhancing the quality of your life
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<strong>How</strong> <strong>To</strong> <strong>Enhance</strong><br />
<strong>Your</strong> <strong>Life</strong><br />
Public Domain Information Compiled by <strong>Dean</strong> <strong>Amory</strong>
INDEX<br />
Love What You Do - A Key Ingredient for Success - Donald J. Trump<br />
Discover <strong>How</strong> <strong>To</strong> Reach Success, Happiness, Fame & Fortune! - Goldiemaz<br />
The Secrets Of Happiness - Jordan Cheng<br />
Doing Our Full Potential - Scott H Young<br />
Double <strong>Your</strong> Reading Rate - Scott H Young<br />
Twenty Unique Ways to Use the 80/20 Rule <strong>To</strong>day - Scott H Young<br />
The Critical Seven Rules to Understand People - Scott H Young<br />
Law of Attraction : Questions, Questions, Questions... - Aldian Prakoso<br />
Loving Relationships – Affirmations – Mastering the Art of <strong>Life</strong> - John Ryder<br />
The Three Levels of Thinking - The Power of Purpose - Peter S. Temes<br />
The Secret Of Happiness – Noah Weinberg<br />
10 Critical Success Clues for Success – Lesley Fieger<br />
10 Winning Traits for Success – Richard Gorham<br />
12 Elements for Success – Lesley Fieger<br />
<strong>How</strong> <strong>To</strong> Make <strong>Your</strong> Wildest Dreams A Reality – Craig Lock<br />
Ignite <strong>Your</strong> Success - Paul Frazer<br />
Seven Character Traits of Successful People – Chris Widener<br />
Seven Ideas for Success – Uravi Kumar<br />
7 Things You Can Do <strong>To</strong> Reach The Success You Truly Desire – BZ Riger Hull<br />
Being a Winner - Ten Tips for Success – Petra Rankin<br />
The Amazing Success Secret Anyone Can Start Using <strong>To</strong>day – Peter Murphy<br />
<strong>How</strong> <strong>To</strong> Begin <strong>Your</strong> Journey <strong>To</strong> Success – Dave Origano<br />
Effective Strategies for Stopping Procrastination – Garret Coan<br />
The Power of Mind Imagery - Joel S. Nelson<br />
What You Need <strong>To</strong> Do <strong>To</strong> Be Successful – Graham and Julie<br />
The Three-Step Formula <strong>To</strong> Success – <strong>Dean</strong> Phillips<br />
You Become What You Think About - http://www.inspiration4everyone.com<br />
<strong>How</strong> <strong>To</strong> Remove Obstacles For Personal Growth - Author Unknown<br />
<strong>How</strong> <strong>To</strong> Become Attractive - Thomas Leonard<br />
Motivating Interviewing - Author Unknown<br />
<strong>How</strong> <strong>To</strong> Live A Happy And Rewarding <strong>Life</strong> - Author Unknown<br />
The Five Rules Of Happiness - Burt Goldman<br />
<strong>To</strong>p Seven Strategies <strong>To</strong> Become The Best At What You Do - Lee Karjuki; <strong>Dean</strong> <strong>Amory</strong><br />
3
Sixty Small Ways <strong>To</strong> Improve <strong>Your</strong> <strong>Life</strong> In The Next 100 Days - Marelisa Fabrega<br />
Quotes - Various Authors<br />
What It Takes <strong>To</strong> <strong>Enhance</strong> <strong>Your</strong> <strong>Life</strong> - <strong>Dean</strong> <strong>Amory</strong><br />
Fifteen Ways <strong>To</strong> <strong>Enhance</strong> your <strong>Life</strong> Immediately - <strong>Dean</strong> <strong>Amory</strong><br />
Journey to Happiness - Organisational aid - <strong>Dean</strong> <strong>Amory</strong><br />
HOW TO USE THIS BOOK<br />
This is not a reading book that you can read in one evening. It's a kaleidoscope of opinions on<br />
how you can enhance your life. Hence, the best way to read this book is to read one chapter at the<br />
time and then bring into practice what you read before proceeding to the next chapter.<br />
The texts in this book are public domain publications. <strong>How</strong>ever, before citing an article in a<br />
commercial publication, it is advised to always check with the author.<br />
BON VOYAGE<br />
4
LOVE WHAT YOU DO - A KEY INGREDIENT FOR<br />
SUCCESS<br />
by Donald J. Trump, Chairman, Trump University<br />
There is an ingredient for success that is often overlooked, maybe because it sounds out of place in<br />
business lingo. But I know for a fact that it is absolutely necessary to achieve any kind of long<br />
lasting success, and I know this from experience. That ingredient is passion.<br />
Enthusiasm on a big scale equals passion. If you don’t have passion, everything you do will fizzle<br />
out, or be mediocre, at best. You have to love what you’re doing in order to make it in a big time<br />
way. People with passion never give up, because they’ll never have a reason to give up, no matter<br />
what their circumstances might be. It’s an intangible momentum that can make you indomitable.<br />
Another way to see this clearly is to realize that passion conquers fear. This is an important fact<br />
when considering achievement of any sort. Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Every great and<br />
commanding movement in the annals of the world is the triumph of enthusiasm. Nothing great was<br />
ever achieved without it.” I agree. Think about that statement and keep it close to you.<br />
Next, assess your interests. What do you love doing? What is your imagination presenting to you?<br />
Can you develop any of these interests into a viable source of income? Can you come up with a<br />
personal blueprint? Do you have a foundation in place, or in the works, for this blueprint? Ask<br />
yourself these questions, cover your bases, and then move forward. Without momentum, you will<br />
simply be daydreaming.<br />
Very often the dividing line between success and failure is a lack of passion. I’ve known people<br />
who have had fantastic ideas who can’t seem to get them off the ground because they approach<br />
everything passively. They think the idea will somehow get off the ground by itself, or that just<br />
coming up with the idea is enough. Let me tell you something—it’s not enough. It will never be<br />
enough. You have to put the idea into action. And if you don’t have the motivation or enthusiasm<br />
to do it yourself, it’s likely your great idea will sit on top of your desk or inside your head for a<br />
long time to come.<br />
The pursuit of happiness is a proactive endeavour. People need to cultivate interests and explore<br />
their own skills and talents to really find out what they love. But it doesn’t end there. People<br />
interested in happiness—and who isn’t?—must also discover or create outlets to enhance and<br />
sustain their passions.<br />
Happiness, as a function of loving what you do, is a complex phenomenon that encompasses<br />
temperament, talents, and deep-rooted personality traits. There’s a lot to sort out, but it’s more than<br />
worth the effort because you can’t fix problems you don’t understand. A good self-evaluation,<br />
undertaken through a formal assessment that’s based on validated, statistical sampling, can go a<br />
long way toward helping one learn just what it is that makes him/her happy, and finding a suitable<br />
career.<br />
Passion is a catalyst. Use it to your advantage and you can start achieving tremendous things.<br />
Whatever you do, don’t overlook or underestimate this important ingredient for success. It can take<br />
you to some amazing places!<br />
Hope to see you there.<br />
5
DISCOVER HOW TO REACH SUCCESS,<br />
HAPPINESS, FAME & FORTUNE<br />
by goldiemaz<br />
http://www.squidoo.com/roomatthetop<br />
The secrets to getting ahead in life and being successful are so simple that we often overlook them.<br />
Replacing a few bad habits with a few good ones can make a big difference.<br />
Try the following tips to get ahead in life<br />
Choose Good Companions<br />
Two are better than one, and you will find it both protection and incentive if you can secure a<br />
faithful friend; and in some respects better than two are the many; therefore you cannot do more<br />
wisely than seek out a wider companionship. Whilst instructed by the information of some, and<br />
strengthened by the firmer faith or larger experience of others, there are important themes on<br />
which you will learn to think with precision.<br />
Stop Procrastinating<br />
Mrs. Whitney says, in one of her books, that "the things which are crowded out of a life are the test<br />
of that life," and I believe that the saying is true in its widest sense. Examine our lives closely, and<br />
we shall find that we constantly delude ourselves with the idea that we would accomplish certain<br />
things if we had time, when, in truth, we have no real desire for those things. One person will say<br />
that reading is out of the question; another will bewail the impossibility of maintaining social<br />
relations; a third will avow that charitable or benevolent enterprises would delight her if she might<br />
engage in them and all the time these good people are comforting themselves with a fallacy. The<br />
things for which they do find time are the things they prefer.<br />
The things which are crowded out are the things they would not choose if life lay unemployed<br />
before them. Scores of wives and mothers are busied constantly with their family cares, but not<br />
one in every score loves music enough to steal time for practice. Hundreds of young men are<br />
forced by stress of circumstances to work hard for daily subsistence, but only one in a thousand,<br />
perhaps, conquers the difficulty of his position, and makes a name for himself. This one might not<br />
have found his way easier or its upward steps less tiresome, but he wanted to succeed, and so<br />
wanting, let nothing needful be crowded out.<br />
Keep <strong>Your</strong> Temper<br />
You will accomplish nothing by losing it. Many date their failure in business to some hasty and illconsidered<br />
statement made during a fit of temper. When things go awry, business is dull, and the<br />
prospect is dark ahead, it is very poor consolation to indulge in passionate and angry remarks to<br />
those around you. The frown on a person's face is a good indication of the state of the feelings<br />
within. The world judges us by our outward conduct and behaviour, and ill-nature and anger. Keep<br />
your temper.<br />
6
Energy and Courage<br />
Energy enables a man to force his way through irksome drudgery and dry details, and carries him<br />
onward and upward in every station in life. It accomplishes more than genius. Energy of will may<br />
be defined to be the very central power of character in a man - in a word, it is the Man himself.<br />
True hope is based on it - and it is hope that gives the real perfume to life. No blessing is equal to<br />
the possession of a stout heart Charles IX, of Sweden, was a firm believer in the power of will,<br />
even in a youth. Laying his hand on the head of his youngest son, when engaged upon a difficult<br />
task, he exclaimed. "He shall do it! he shall do it!"<br />
Nothing that is of real word can be achieved without courageous working. The timid and hesitating<br />
find everything impossible, chiefly because it seems so. The Scriptural injunction, "Whatsoever<br />
thy hand findeth to do, do it with all thy might", must be realized if you wish to succeed. It is<br />
pluck, tenacity, and determined perseverance which wins soldiers' battles, and, indeed, every<br />
battle. It is the one neck nearer that wins the race and shows the blood; it is the one march more<br />
that wins the campaign; the five minutes' more persistent courage that wins the fight. Though your<br />
force be less than another's, you equal and out-master your opponent if you continue it longer and<br />
concentrate it more. The reply of the Spartan father, who said to his son, when complaining that<br />
his sword was too short, "Add a step to it," is applicable to everything in life.<br />
The Strength Of Silence<br />
There is a mighty power in silence, and silence is frequently an evidence of power. There are many<br />
people so weak that they can not hold their tongues, or keep their mouths shut. One who offends<br />
not in word is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body. He who can control his tongue, can<br />
control his entire nature. Hence silence is a token of power, of reserved force. He who knows how<br />
to keep silence knows how to speak; and often his silence is more impressive than his speech.<br />
"Brilliant flashes of silence" is by no means a senseless expression. <strong>How</strong> often have we seen the<br />
babble of the foolish hushed by the silent glance of an earnest soul; how often the ribald jest or<br />
scurrilous word has died upon the lips when an indignant silence was the only reply it could evoke.<br />
That man or that woman who can stand silent amid reproaches and accusations and sneers and<br />
scons, shows a degree of strength and power which falls not to the lot of every one. The silent<br />
accomplish more than the noisy. The tail of the rattlesnake makes all the noise, but the head does<br />
all the execution.<br />
Idleness Not Happiness<br />
The most common error is that of looking for happiness somewhere outside of useful work. It has<br />
never yet been found when thus sought, and never will be while the world stands; and the sooner<br />
this truth is learned the better for everyone. If you doubt the proposition, glance around among<br />
your friends and acquaintances, and select those who appear to have the most enjoyment in life.<br />
Are they the idlers and pleasure-seekers, or the earnest workers? We know what your answer will<br />
be. Of all the miserable human beings it has been our fortune or misfortune to know, they were the<br />
most wretched who had retired from useful employment to enjoy themselves; while the slave at his<br />
enforced labour, or the hungry toiler for bread, were supremely happy in comparison.<br />
7
THE SECRETS OF HAPPINESS<br />
By Jordan -<br />
http://jordancheng.net/the-secrets-of-happiness/<br />
There are paradoxes surrounding wealth and happiness, which drive everyone to its pursuit. The<br />
reality is, there are sufficient evidences to show a significant disconnect between wealth and wellbeing.<br />
Based on the research findings, you will know that happiness can be elusive and yet<br />
attainable.<br />
The following are suggestions on how you can increase your happiness:<br />
Realize That Wealth Does Not Create Permanent Happiness.<br />
People adapt to changing circumstances—even to wealth or a disability. Thus wealth is like health:<br />
Its utter absence breeds misery, but having it (or any circumstance we long for) doesn’t guarantee<br />
happiness.<br />
“The mind of every man, in a longer or shorter time, returns to its natural and usual state of<br />
tranquillity. In prosperity, after a certain time, it falls back to that state; in adversity, after a<br />
certain time, it rises up to it.” (Adam Smith, The Theory of Moral Sentiments, 1759)<br />
Be <strong>Your</strong> Own Time Master.<br />
Happy people are master of time management, and hence often feel in control of their lives. It<br />
helps to set goals and break them into daily aims. Although we often overestimate how much we<br />
will accomplish in any given day (leaving us frustrated), we generally underestimate how much we<br />
can accomplish in a year, given just a little progress every day.<br />
Be Happy, Even Deliberately.<br />
We can deliberately put ourselves into a frame of mind by starting it with physical action. When<br />
you feel moody, look at the mirror and put on a bright smile to yourself. It ignites the energy of<br />
joyful emotion, which makes you feel better and trigger subsequent positive moods. When you<br />
meet people outside, your energy can be felt by people and brings forth mutually contagious effect.<br />
So put on a happy face. Talk like someone with high self-esteem, optimistic, and outgoing. Once<br />
you go through the motions, it can trigger the emotions. As Mary Kay said: “Fake it until you<br />
make it”<br />
Align Work with Passion.<br />
As mentioned in my previous post Experiencing Flow State, happy people often are in a<br />
psychological state called “in the zone” or “in the flow” – when one is completely absorbed in a<br />
task that challenges them yet without overwhelming them. Most of the expensive forms of leisure<br />
(such as sitting on a yacht) provide less flow experience than gardening, playing musical<br />
instruments, painting, keeping fish, socializing, or craft work.<br />
Be Physically Active.<br />
It has become a known fact the exercise not only promotes health and energy, it is also an antidote<br />
for mild depression and anxiety. Go for gym, jogging, swimming, yoga, aerobics, Pilates, and<br />
anything that works your body and gets you perspiring. Sound minds reside in sound bodies. Read<br />
8
my post “Why Do I Wake Up At 6 am Every Morning” on my experiences benefiting from daily<br />
morning run.<br />
Have Enough Rest.<br />
Happy people live active vigorous lives yet reserve time for renewing sleep and solitude. Many<br />
people suffer from sleep deficiency, with resulting fatigue, diminished alertness, and gloomy<br />
moods. If insomnia is the cause, try to restore balance in life, exercise regularly, have proper diet,<br />
get a massage, practice yoga and meditation.<br />
Give Priority to Close Relationships.<br />
Intimate friendships with those who care deeply about you can help you weather difficult times.<br />
Confiding is good for soul and body. Resolve to nurture your closest relationships: to not take<br />
those closest to you for granted, to display to them the sort of kindness that you display to others,<br />
to affirm them, to play together and share together.<br />
Focus Beyond Self.<br />
Reach out to those in need. Happiness increases helpfulness (those who feel good do good). As<br />
true as the saying “what goes around comes around”, doing good also makes one feel good. Being<br />
opened to the needs of surrounding people also help you avoid dwelling in your own misery.<br />
Be Grateful.<br />
People who keep a gratitude journal—who pause each day to reflect on some positive aspect of<br />
their lives (their health, friends, family, freedom, education, senses, natural surroundings, and so<br />
on.) experience heightened well-being.<br />
“I cried because I had no shoes,” states a Persian saying, “until I met a man who had no feet.”<br />
Learn Not <strong>To</strong> Compare.<br />
Most of the misery of people comes from comparing with others who are better or have more. This<br />
is the definite source of discontent and a perpetual sense of lack. It may continue to drive you to<br />
achieve more, but for the wrong reasons. It is like the rat on the treadmill, constantly chasing its<br />
tail until exhaustion. It puts a person on over-drive without any sense of fulfilment. If there is any<br />
happiness from achieving, it is often fleeting. When you stop comparing with others, you get<br />
started on the path of freedom.<br />
“Our poverty became a reality. Not because of our having less, but by our neighbours having<br />
more.” (Will Campbell, Brother to a Dragonfly, 1977)<br />
Nurture <strong>Your</strong> Spiritual Self.<br />
For many people, faith provides a support community, a reason to focus beyond self, and a sense<br />
of purpose and hope. Study after study finds that actively religious people are happier and that they<br />
cope better with crises.<br />
May you live a life of pure and permanent happiness!<br />
9
DOING OUR FULL POTENTIAL<br />
by Scott H Young<br />
http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2006/03/24/living-up-to-our-full-potential/<br />
An idea I am constantly referred to is that of “living up to our full potential.” I don’t agree with<br />
this concept. It might seem odd that someone who runs a personal development blog would<br />
disagree with the concept of living up to our full potential, an idea that is often used as the<br />
fundamental of personal development, so let me explain.<br />
I personally believe that the idea of “living up to our full potential” illustrates a flaw in our<br />
thinking about how we define “success”. Our full potential seems to imply that there is an arbitrary<br />
point of maximum achievement for each of us in this life time. I think this type of thinking can be<br />
inspiring, but also limit us in a way.<br />
Thinking about “living up to our full potential” can often inspire or push us to make<br />
improvements. In this sense, having a full potential to live up to is a good concept in order to get<br />
us to make the improvements we need to make to live a great life. <strong>How</strong>ever, I believe that the<br />
concept of “full potential” makes some inaccurate assumptions about success.<br />
In order to see what these inaccurate assumptions are, we need to define success. So what is<br />
success?<br />
I personally would consider success to be the measure of happiness, fulfilment and impact we have<br />
with our lives. Success is the sense that we are fulfilled with our contribution to the world and are<br />
doing our best. Think about it. Everything we do in life is pretty much to directly or indirectly<br />
influence these factors. We want to be happy and fulfilled in our life and our life’s purpose. Once<br />
we have that we want to increase the positive impact we can have on the world. That is how I<br />
would define success.<br />
So where does happiness and fulfilment come from? Happiness and fulfilment come from growth.<br />
When we feel we are growing, improving and experiencing life to the best of our abilities is when<br />
we are the most fulfilled and contented. Therefore I would say that the measure of success we have<br />
in life is the level of growth we are currently experiencing.<br />
So why does this conflict with the concept of “living up to our full potential”?<br />
I believe this conflict arises because this implies that the true measure of success is in achieving a<br />
certain point or position in the continuum of personal development. But based on our definition of<br />
success, the position is not really what creates success. Success instead is based on the rate of<br />
growth or velocity.<br />
So instead of our past concept of “living up to our full potential.” I would say it more accurately as<br />
“doing our full potential.” This may seem like semantics but the difference is crucial.<br />
Living up to our true potential, that is the arbitrary point of maximum achievement in our lives is<br />
daunting and rarely inspiring. <strong>How</strong> can one possibly live up to their “full” potential without the<br />
10
enefit of hindsight? Even if we are doing our best, we might make mistakes or incorrect<br />
decisions. This true potential implies that success, happiness and fulfilment, are linked to<br />
achieving our “full potential”. Seeing as this full potential is always just out of reach, extending<br />
this line of thinking says that we will not be happy or fulfilled unless we reach it. This is why I<br />
think this statement actually demotivates a lot of people.<br />
Doing our full potential implies that we are going to do our best to grow and improve ourselves.<br />
This statement puts the pressure on the present, not the impossibly huge context of our whole lives.<br />
In this sense, as long as we are doing the best we possibly can, we are successful. We can always<br />
do our best, regardless of a specific outcome.<br />
By focusing on doing our full potential we can experience maximum growth and improvement in<br />
our lives. From this improvement and growth we can achieve happiness and fulfilment. Knowing<br />
we are doing the best we can is enough to satisfy. From this context I would say that a recovering<br />
alcoholic doing his best to improve his life is more successful than someone who has settled into<br />
an average life.<br />
Our full potential in the course of our lives is often at the mercy of different factors we cannot<br />
control. If we were to suddenly die tomorrow, I wouldn’t say that where we our right now was our<br />
full potential. Furthermore, this full potential gets us to strive towards a point, rather than focusing<br />
on the growth and direction itself.<br />
This concept of success as being an arbitrary point is prevalent in the way we set goals. I often<br />
hear about people who say that they weren’t any happier after achieving their goals than they were<br />
before. These people would often go on to claim that the problem was with goal setting entirely.<br />
The fact is, the real problem is that they believed success (happiness and fulfilment) was linked<br />
with an arbitrary point, rather than the rate of their own growth. The reason you set goals is to<br />
increase your velocity, to increase the rate of your growth, not just to achieve a specific milestone,<br />
or position, in that development. It may seem odd that the purpose of goal setting isn’t just to<br />
achieve the goal, but rather to get us to push beyond our normal expectations, but it is very true.<br />
I believe that many people who like this expression already use it in the way I describe as doing<br />
instead of reaching a point. For those people I think you’ve already got the right idea. Focus on<br />
how you can do your best right in this moment. As long as you are doing that, you are successful.<br />
<strong>Life</strong> is a journey not a destination. Don’t focus on reaching an arbitrary point, whether that is our<br />
“full potential” or even your specific goals. Instead focus on whether you are doing your best to<br />
grow, improve and expand. Focus not on living up to your full potential but in doing your full<br />
potential in every moment of your life.<br />
11
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Bringing you positive ideas for self growth and success<br />
Miracles are your responsibility! By : John Di Lemme<br />
As you read this today, my goal is for you to take responsibility and realize that you have the<br />
innate ability to create miracles. So let’s get started!<br />
The 7 Most Important Subjects Never Taught In School By : Kevin Michael Kiley<br />
<strong>Life</strong> is actually very simple. The hard part is allowing it to be that way. This article briefly<br />
describes the 7 areas of our lives to which we should pay constant attention. Having ideals in these<br />
7 areas and learning to move toward those ideals in a regular and balanced way can provide a<br />
powerful sense of meaning and purpose. This article is meant to help people see this more simply<br />
and clearly and to prod them in that direction.<br />
12
DOUBLE YOUR READING RATE<br />
by Scott H Young<br />
Reading is an incredibly important skill to have. Just about any form of education will involve<br />
reading, sometimes almost exclusively. You can often make yourself an expert on an intellectual<br />
subject just by reading enough in that area. But despite the incredible importance of reading, most<br />
people are wildly inefficient at it. Sure: most people have enough reading skills to move around.<br />
But they are far from running.<br />
Over a year ago I picked up the book, Breakthrough Rapid Reading<br />
by Peter Kump, an expert in the area of speed-reading. From that<br />
purchase I took the time and energy to study other ways to improve my<br />
reading skill. When I did the initial test, I could read at 450 words per<br />
minute. A little above the average of around 300, but nothing<br />
spectacular. By using the techniques I’ll describe in this article I was<br />
able to increase that rate to around 900 words per minute in average<br />
situations, at least doubling of my reading rate.<br />
I believe there are six major keys to improving your reading skill. Like<br />
all skills, success only comes through practice, so just reading this<br />
article won’t be enough. But if you are interested in how you might be<br />
able to make dramatic improvements in both speed and comprehension,<br />
I’ve found these six points to be the best start.<br />
1) Remember, Reading is Not Linear<br />
<strong>How</strong> do you read a book? Likely from start to finish, never going back and never skipping any<br />
sections. This is probably one of the most inefficient ways to read. The beauty of text is that it is<br />
non-linear. You can skip down to read only my main bullet points, or read them in practically any<br />
order. Although the pattern of start to finish might be a simple one, it isn’t always the most<br />
effective.<br />
For most books I do read in a roughly start to finish fashion. But I frequently re-read passages that<br />
I want to get a greater understanding of and completely skim over passages that I feel are<br />
redundant or unnecessary. Good writers generally add anecdotes or metaphors to improve<br />
understanding of a concept which you can skim over top of if you already get their point.<br />
Similarly, bad writers often go short on explanation of complex details so re-reading can allow<br />
your brain the time to form the concepts.<br />
Not only is reading non-linear but it doesn’t have a set pace. Although I read some books at about<br />
900 words per minute, I slow down to 200 if the passage I am reading is particularly information<br />
dense or complicated. Similarly I can skim at over 1500 words per minute if I’m reading mostly<br />
fluff. Saying I can read at 900 wpm is like saying I can drive at 100 km/h. Speed reading isn’t just<br />
about faster but pacing yourself for the specific reading task you face.<br />
Most people read a book as if it were given to them as a speech. They listen to the author and<br />
follow along with what he is saying in a purely sequential manner. In order to reach faster rates of<br />
comprehension you have to learn to abandon this tactic. You can start this by not sub vocalizing.<br />
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2) Stop Sub vocalizing<br />
When you started to read you probably read out loud.<br />
<strong>Your</strong> elementary school teacher wanted you to read<br />
the book and say the words aloud. After you<br />
mastered this skill, you were told to simply say the<br />
words inside your head and read quietly. This is<br />
where most reading education and skill levels end.<br />
<strong>To</strong> move to a new level you need to stop sounding<br />
the words inside your head or sub vocalizing. Sub<br />
vocalizing takes time, more time than is necessary to<br />
comprehend the words you are reading. It is almost<br />
impossible to go much beyond 400 or 500 words<br />
while sub vocalizing. Instead you need to train<br />
yourself to read without hearing the words in your head.<br />
But for most people this has become such an ingrained reading habit that they don’t realize that<br />
sub vocalization is a distinct process to comprehension. If I read at around a thousand words per<br />
minute, there is no way I could hear the words in my head while trying to process them. Instead I<br />
simply see the word and my brain automatically constructs what has been written. I’ll understand a<br />
line of text that I looked over in a second, even though it may have taken at least five just to say<br />
the words in my head.<br />
Since most people currently can’t separate the sub vocalization from comprehension, they are<br />
locked in at a rate of about 400-500 words. Moving beyond that rate requires that you practice<br />
reading faster than you can actually read.<br />
Edit: I’ve done a follow-up to explain sub vocalization more as I think this post may have confused<br />
people a little. Check it out here: Speed Reading Follow-Up<br />
3) Practice Reading<br />
Practice reading doesn’t mean reading. Practice reading involves reading faster than you can<br />
actually read. Chances are you won’t comprehend much of what you are reading because your<br />
brain is so used to going at a slower rate and sub vocalizing. The point is simply to see the text<br />
faster than you can read so you can untie the habit of sounding the words as you comprehend them.<br />
You can start doing this by taking out a timer or a stop watch and simply viewing as much text in a<br />
book as possible in one minute. Use a book you haven’t read before to ensure your brain is actually<br />
practicing instead of relying on memory. Mark out where you started and stopped. Count the<br />
number of words per line (use a quick average) and then the number of lines you actually read in<br />
the book to compute your practice reading rate.<br />
Once you get used to practice reading at a high rate that you can’t comprehend, you should slowly<br />
be able to actually comprehend at a slightly slower rate but still faster than if you sub vocalized. I<br />
would often practice read at between 1500 and 1800 words per minute, and although I lacked<br />
comprehension skill, I could maintain it at about 900-1000, over double what I had done when I<br />
sub vocalized.<br />
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But how can you practice read faster than you can read? <strong>How</strong> do you follow the text but still go<br />
faster than you can read? The answer is another of speed reading tricks, using a pointer.<br />
4) Use a Pointer<br />
<strong>Your</strong> eyes don’t stay fixed in one spot when reading. Eye<br />
tracking movements have shown that your eyes actually quiver<br />
and move around considerably. And every movement away from<br />
your position in text requires a few milliseconds to readjust.<br />
These little readjustments in locating your place in a book add up<br />
to be very costly if you want to go faster.<br />
Use your index finger to mark where you are on the page at all<br />
times. It should follow along with the word you are currently<br />
reading, slowly scrolling across each line and then back down<br />
one. It may feel awkward at first and it may even temporarily<br />
slow your reading rate as you adjust, but using a pointer is<br />
critical if you want to improve your reading skill.<br />
Using a pointer is also crucial if you want to practice read. By<br />
moving your finger faster than you can actually read, your eyes<br />
get used to viewing text faster than your brain can process what is written down. This will break<br />
your sub vocalization attachment and can easily let you double your reading rate with sufficient<br />
practice.<br />
You should use your finger as a pointer all the time. When I first started with the habit I found it<br />
annoying to hold the book in a funny position so I could use my right hand to scroll the page. I<br />
thought it was silly and maybe even a waste of time. But now I find it hard to read without a<br />
pointer. Noticing how much it has helped me focus my reading efforts it is a priceless tool in<br />
reading.<br />
5) Eliminate Distractions<br />
As a university student living on campus I’ve noticed a few of my friends who “study” while<br />
watching television. Not surprisingly, these tend to be the same people who complain about how<br />
much studying they have to do. Reading can’t happen in an environment where external<br />
distractions are overwhelming.<br />
If you need a break, take a break. Taking a few minutes to watch a television show, listen to some<br />
music or just close your eyes can often improve your focus. But don’t multitask with your reading<br />
or you’ll lose any benefits speed reading can offer. Worse, because you have stopped sub<br />
vocalizing, you might even skim through several pages before you realize you haven’t<br />
comprehended anything that was written.<br />
Distractions will hamper regular reading but they will make speed reading impossible. Sub<br />
vocalization creates enough mental noise that it can hold your attention, but without that it can<br />
often be difficult to stick with what you are reading.<br />
External distractions may be a problem, but internal distractions are just as bad. They occur when<br />
in the midst of reading you start pondering that conversation you just had with a friend, the movie<br />
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you want to see or whether you should do your laundry. The way to remove internal distractions<br />
comes from clearly identifying a purpose and a motivation.<br />
6) Find <strong>Your</strong> Motivation<br />
If there was one piece of advice I would<br />
offer to improve your reading rate it would<br />
be simply to engross yourself in the<br />
material you are studying. If you can<br />
connect what you are reading to a deeply<br />
held motivation, and determine your<br />
specific purpose for reading you can<br />
maintain a very alert and focused state.<br />
Most people don’t do this. Instead they<br />
force themselves to study the book they<br />
know they should and end up having to<br />
refocus themselves every thirty seconds<br />
when their mind decides that this book is<br />
boring and would like to be somewhere<br />
else.<br />
First, find a general motivation. This is<br />
how what you are reading relates to your<br />
truly motivating goals and passions in life.<br />
When I read my psychology textbook I<br />
focus on the fact that many personal<br />
development principles come from an<br />
understanding of human psychology and<br />
that I may discover new ideas if I look carefully. When studying ancient Asian history I focused on<br />
the fact that studying a completely different culture could offer insights into how Western and<br />
Eastern value systems differed, giving me new thoughts on whether my values are as absolute as I<br />
once thought. I also focused on the fact that many great philosophers such as Buddha and<br />
Confucius lived during these times with a profound influence on the ideas of these nations.<br />
The general motivation should make you want to read the book. If you don’t genuinely want to<br />
read the book, come up with more reasons it is attached to your deepest interests or it is going to be<br />
a struggle to move through. You can find a general motivation for reading any book if you are<br />
creative enough, so don’t tell me you can’t figure out one.<br />
The second portion is to determine your specific motivation for reading. What are you specifically<br />
looking for when reading the book. New ideas? A practical solution to a problem? An<br />
understanding of a concept? A chance to flex your mental muscles? Figure out what you want to<br />
get out of each reading session so your mind is primed to intake that knowledge.<br />
If you are interested in improving your speed reading, I strongly suggest Breakthrough Rapid<br />
Reading by Peter Kump. The book goes from beginner concepts that I’ve detailed to even more<br />
advanced ones that I have yet to master (such as reading several lines at once and reading<br />
sentences backwards to save time on a pointer backstroke). Speed reading is definitely a<br />
worthwhile skill and at the very least your friends will be impressed.<br />
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TWENTY UNIQUE WAYS TO USE THE 80/20 RULE<br />
I’m sure most people are familiar with Pareto’s principle, developed by an Italian economist and<br />
most commonly known as the 80/20 Rule. While Pareto originally used the rule noticing that 80%<br />
of the wealth was owned by 20% of the population, the rule has applications in almost every area<br />
of life.<br />
There are many ways you can use this rule. Here’s twenty:<br />
1. Work Tasks - Write down all the broad categories of tasks you do at your job. You can make<br />
a little table that shows the amount of hours spent at each category (say, 1 hr for E-mail, 1 hr for<br />
contacting clients, etc.) and on another column write down a value estimate for what percentage<br />
you believe it contributes to your productivity. Eliminate, simplify or delegate low %’s and focus<br />
on high %’s.<br />
2. Food - Record your eating habits for a week. Calculate up the calories of the different items of<br />
food. I’ve done this before and I’ve found it surprising how some treats contribute a high<br />
percentage of your calorie pie for no nutritional value, when other vices consumed in smaller<br />
portions take up only a sliver but still offer a tasty treat.<br />
3. Daily Time Log - Do a time log on your activities for an entire day. Record the stop and start<br />
point for any activity. Then broadly shuffle the different activities into categories. Figure out what<br />
parts of your day aren’t contributing to either productivity, entertainment or personal happiness<br />
and cut them out.<br />
4. Reading - Look at the last few dozen books you’ve read. Rate them according to the amount of<br />
useful info or entertainment value. Look for trends and use that info to skim or skip future books to<br />
save time.<br />
5. Relationships - Look at your social circle and friends. Do a rough estimate of the amount of<br />
time and energy you invest in each relationship. Compare that to the amount of stress or<br />
satisfaction. You might find that certain relationships are toxic and others are valuable and should<br />
be invested in more.<br />
6. RSS Feeds - Look through your feed list. Write down the percentage of articles you enjoyed<br />
out of the last ten in the feed. Eliminate the lowest %’s. You may want to take into account article<br />
length or posting rate, but quality is probably the best measurement of all.<br />
7. E-Mail - Group the types of e-mails you answer into basic categories. Consider developing a<br />
template for the most common e-mail responses that contribute the least potential value for<br />
answering personally.<br />
8. Magazine Subscriptions - Same as RSS feeds. Go through all your subscriptions and give a<br />
percentage scale of what you perceive to be the value of the last several editions. Cancel<br />
subscriptions to the bottom and leave the top.<br />
9. Television Shows - Record your television watching habits for a week or two. After watching<br />
give a subjective rating of the television show. After your done, total up the amount spent on<br />
different shows or channels. If you have a special subscription service, cancel the channels that<br />
you don’t watch or have little value. Otherwise, consider eliminating live television entirely and<br />
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ecording the shows you feel are valuable to watch later. I’ve done this before and it can be a big<br />
time saver while still allowing you to enjoy some passive entertainment.<br />
10. Web Surfing - Record your web usage for a day or two. Write down the sites you visited or<br />
tools you used to get there (StumbleUpon, Digg, etc.) Figure out sites took up the most time and<br />
which had the least value. You’d be surprised how often they are the same thing.<br />
11. Spring Cleaning - Although it’s only a few weeks from summer, you can use this on any<br />
organization attempt. Go through your items and trash all the items that you haven’t used recently<br />
(except for important documents). Just because you have storage space, doesn’t mean it should be<br />
filled with garbage. Eliminate clutter and it becomes far easier to find and use the things you<br />
actually need.<br />
12. Clients/Customers - This one comes from Tim Ferriss, in the Four Hour Workweek. Figure<br />
out which customers contribute the most complaints and the least revenue. Notify them that things<br />
will need to change and set down some guidelines. Then fire the ones that don’t comply. Goes<br />
against the doctrine that the customer is always right, but some people just aren’t worth the trouble<br />
they cause.<br />
13. Hard Drive - Sort through your computer documents, comparing the last modified date for<br />
various major folders. Create a separate folder system where you can move these rarely used files.<br />
This will eliminate your computer clutter and make it far easier and faster to find the stuff you<br />
actually use.<br />
14. Desktop - Same thing as the hard-drive, but I do it every week or two. Just go through your<br />
desktop and delete any short-cuts or move documents that haven’t been used in the last two weeks.<br />
You don’t have to completely eliminate everything, but it will make your desktop a more efficient<br />
workspace.<br />
15. Applications - Go through all your computer applications. Figure out which ones are<br />
distracting and are either rarely used or contribute little value. Uninstall those. If this seems like<br />
too much work, a complete computer reformat can get rid of the trash.<br />
16. Home Appliances - Determine which appliances cause the most frustration, stress and break<br />
down the most. Once you’ve done this you have three options: learn to use the tool better to<br />
understand it and prevent stress, buy a new one or find a substitute that is less damage prone. Save<br />
yourself the headache and 80/20 your lawnmower.<br />
17. Budget - Calculate all your discretionary expenses (after taxes, food and necessities). Now<br />
compare the money value of each expense with the utility of the purchase. If you wanted to<br />
compare different entertainment items in your budget, you could value each expense on the<br />
pleasure it brought you. If you wanted to compare different investments or tools you could<br />
compare return rates or productivity gained.<br />
18. Blogging - Classify the types of posts you write into different categories. I’ve done this<br />
grouping by, post length, subject, format, style, images, etc. Multiply each by the amount of time<br />
to write each type of post. Then compare that data to your estimate of traffic gained from each.<br />
Use this as a guide for future writing.<br />
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19. Habits - Figure out which behaviours (or lack thereof) contribute the most to your life.<br />
exercise? Rising Early? Family Dinners? Use this as a basis for making new habits.<br />
20. Goals - It doesn’t matter whether you have them written down or just in your head. Look at all<br />
your goals and compare the resources required to accomplish each (time, money, energy, etc.) with<br />
the benefits gained. Benefits could be physical rewards, purposeful work or emotional quality.<br />
Pursue the goals with the highest value.<br />
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7 RULES TO UNDERSTAND PEOPLE<br />
By: Scott H. Young<br />
Clearly a rule can’t define something as complex as human behaviour. But despite this, I’ve found<br />
most people tend to make the same mistakes. Remembering these seven rules will help you avoid<br />
these mistakes.<br />
People Skills is About Being Nice, Friendly and Interesting. Duh!<br />
Most of the books I’ve read on dealing with people either make two claims:<br />
• Obvious stuff that most people already know: Things like be nice, be considerate, etc.<br />
• Bizarre and complex theories that may explain some behaviour, but is difficult to<br />
generalize.<br />
<strong>How</strong>ever, what most people need is information that can be applied generally, but isn’t always<br />
obvious and that helps to avoid people conflicts, social errors and emotional upsets.<br />
Here are the seven rules I’m talking about:<br />
Rule One: Never blame malice for what can easily be explained by conceit.<br />
People don’t care about you. This isn’t because people are mean or hurtful, but simply because<br />
they are mostly focused on themselves. Consider this hypothetical pie-chart showing the variety of<br />
thoughts a typical person has:<br />
In this example, 60% of thoughts are selfdirected.<br />
My goals. My problems. My feelings.<br />
Another 30% are directed towards relationships,<br />
but how they affect me. What does Julie think of<br />
me? <strong>How</strong> will boss evaluate my performance in<br />
the next review? Do my friends like me or see<br />
me as irritating?<br />
thinking.<br />
Only 10% in this model is time spent in<br />
empathy. Empathy is the rare event where one<br />
person actually feels the emotions, problems and<br />
perspective of another person. Instead of asking<br />
what Julie thinks of me, I ask what is Julie<br />
Within that 10%, most people then divide attention between hundreds of other people they know.<br />
As a result, you would occupy a fraction of a percentage in most peoples minds, and only a couple<br />
percentage points in a deeply bonded relationship. Even if you are in another persons thoughts, it is<br />
how your relationship affects them, not you.<br />
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What does this mean?<br />
1. Embarrassment doesn’t make a lot of sense. Since others are only focusing a small portion of<br />
there thoughts onto judging you, your self-judgement is overwhelmingly larger.<br />
2. People who appear to be mean or hurtful don’t usually do it intentionally. There are exceptions<br />
to this, but generally the hurt you feel is a side-effect, not the principle cause.<br />
3. Relationships are your job to maintain. Don’t wait to be invited to parties or for people to<br />
approach you.<br />
Rule Two: Few Social Behaviours are Explicit<br />
Basically this rule means that most the intentions behind our actions are hidden. If a person is<br />
feeling depressed or angry, usually the resulting behaviours distort their true feelings. If I feel you<br />
snubbed me, I might hold my tongue but ignore you later.<br />
The old joke is that women use words like, “fine,” and, “go ahead,” when they really feel the<br />
opposite. But I’ve noticed men do this too in polite situations, although often not in the same way.<br />
The application of this rule is that you need to focus on empathy, not just hearing a person.<br />
Demonstrate trust, build rapport and learn to probe a bit. By focusing on empathy you can usually<br />
break away these subversions and get to the heart of the issue faster.<br />
The other application of this rule is that most the time you feel something, nobody else knows<br />
about it. So don’t get angry when people aren’t responding to you. If you deceive your thoughts<br />
with your actions, don’t get angry when you fool people.<br />
Rule Three: Behaviour is Largely Dictated by Selfish Altruism<br />
<strong>To</strong> say everyone is completely selfish is a gross exaggeration. That ignores all the acts of kindness,<br />
sacrifice and love that make the world work. But I would argue that most (not all, but most)<br />
behaviour does work from the principles of selfish altruism.<br />
Selfish altruism is basically win/win. It is where helping you directly or indirectly helps me. There<br />
are a couple main categories where this applies:<br />
1. Transactions - If I purchase a car, both myself and the dealer benefit. I get a vehicle, which I<br />
want. The dealer gets money to improve his lifestyle. This is the predominant form of selfish<br />
altruism between people who don’t have emotional bonds.<br />
2. Familial - Blood is thicker than water. We are designed to protect people who share our genes.<br />
This can sometimes shift towards extremely close friends and loved ones.<br />
3. Status - Helping someone is a sign of power. Many species of primates will offer assistance as<br />
a sign of dominance. People act similarly, offering aid to boost their self-esteem and<br />
reputation.<br />
4. Implied Reciprocity - Many relationships are based on the idea that if I help you, one day you<br />
will help me as well.<br />
Occasionally behaviour falls outside this group. Nameless heroes dying for causes that don’t help<br />
their bloodline. Volunteers devoting their time towards humanitarian missions. But these are the<br />
minority, whereas most actions can be explained by some form of selfish altruism.<br />
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<strong>How</strong> do you apply this rule? You understand the motives of people and appeal to them as if they<br />
were selfish. Find ways to help people within these four categories. Don’t expect people to offer<br />
aid outside of selfish altruism, it isn’t impossible, but it isn’t likely.<br />
Rule Four: People Have Poor Memories<br />
Ever been told someone’s name at a party and then forgot it later? Another rule of human<br />
behaviour is that people have trouble remembering things. Especially information (as you’ll recall<br />
in rule one) that doesn’t apply to themselves. People are more likely to remember your similarities<br />
than your differences (unless they were emotionally incensed by them).<br />
Recently I even broke this rule. I made arrangements to talk to a person I hadn’t met before on the<br />
phone. Even with my normally foolproof system of calendars and to-do lists, a few spontaneous<br />
schedule changes caused me to miss the call. I quickly apologized and made a new arrangement.<br />
But the fact is most people don’t have organized GTD systems. People are forgetful by nature, so<br />
once again, don’t assume malice or disinterest if something is forgotten. The other side of this rule<br />
is that you can demonstrate reliability by having a good memory or system (if it doesn’t fail you).<br />
Rule Five: Everyone is Emotional<br />
Perhaps this is an exaggeration. But the core of the message is that people tend to have stronger<br />
feelings about something than they let on. People who regularly have outbursts of anger,<br />
depression or flamboyant enthusiasm are generally frowned upon in most cultures. This especially<br />
applies to men (for women trying to figure us out).<br />
The application of this rule is to not assume everything is fine just because someone isn’t having a<br />
nervous breakdown. We all have our individual problems, angst and upsets that are normally<br />
contained. You don’t need to call people out on their private deception, but being sensitive to those<br />
underlying currents gives you an advantage in trying to help.<br />
The alternate application of this rule is similar to rule two. People generally assume everything is<br />
fine unless you just had a blow-up.<br />
Rule Six: People are Lonely<br />
This is another broad generalization. But it is amazing how many people who seem to have it all,<br />
suffer from bouts of loneliness. As social animals, I believe people are especially sensitive to any<br />
threats to becoming ostracized. In Neanderthal times, exile meant death, so loneliness and the<br />
desire to be with other people is a strong one.<br />
The application of this rule is that loneliness is fairly common, so in that sense, you really aren’t<br />
alone. I used to be bothered when I felt alone or an outsider in a social group. Although I’m still<br />
human, I’ve found recognizing this feeling to be fairly common as a way to minimize it.<br />
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Rule Seven: Did I Mention People Are Self-Absorbed?<br />
This may sound like a reiteration of rule one, but I believe the applications extend beyond<br />
relationships and your emotional state. The fact that people tend to be too concerned about<br />
themselves to give you much attention, that people tend to be lonelier, more emotional and feel<br />
differently than they let on applies to how you view the world.<br />
If anything this perspective should make you more proactive and independent. Once I started really<br />
learning these rules, it made far more sense that I needed to take charge. By placing your<br />
individual happiness in the hands of another person (or people), you ignore all these rules and do<br />
so at your own peril.<br />
I like to take an optimistic, but realistic view of people. People who are generally try their best, but<br />
make mistakes and suffer from unintended self-absorption. In other words, they are basically like<br />
you.<br />
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LAW OF ATTRACTION : QUESTIONS ...<br />
By: Aldian Prakoso<br />
The Secret<br />
The Secret is a film that was produced by Prime Time Productions. It is actually a series of films<br />
that focus on the idea of “The Law Of Attraction”. The principle is that under the “Law of<br />
Attraction” the things that people feel and think attract real things in life. It stems from the cosmos<br />
to the personal relationships people form with people. The belief is that these things target<br />
physical, emotional, and professional aspects of every person’s life, whether they understand it or<br />
not.<br />
Ask : Know what you want and ask the universe for it.<br />
This is where you need to get clear on what it is you want to create and visualize what you want as<br />
being as 'real' as possible.<br />
Believe : Feel and behave as if the object of your desire is on its way.<br />
Focus your thoughts and your language on what it is you want to attract. You want to feel the<br />
feeling of really 'knowing' that what you desire is on its way to you, even if you have to trick<br />
yourself into believing it – do it.<br />
Receive : Be open to receiving it.<br />
Pay attention to your intuitive messages, synchronicities, signs from the Universe to help you<br />
along the way as assurance you are on the 'right' path. As you align yourself with the Universe and<br />
open yourself up to receiving, the very thing you are wanting to manifest will show up.<br />
What is it you want in order to have a truly magnificent life?<br />
What is it in your daily life that you could do, be, or have that would make a difference in the way<br />
you experience life? What would take your life to the next level? What do you need (or want) to<br />
experience life to the fullest?<br />
We look at ourselves as human beings; but we are also human havings and human doings. What do<br />
you want to have in your life to truly make it spectacular: True friends, a new relationship, great<br />
health, passion? What do you want to do to make your life fun and exciting: Fly an airplane, run a<br />
marathon, volunteer once a week at an animal shelter, write a book?<br />
What would you like to be to make a difference in the world or to yourself, or your family and<br />
friends: A great son, daughter, husband or wife? Would you like to be abundant, loving, forgiving?<br />
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Look at each aspect of your life and identify what you want or desire in the following areas.<br />
Relationships:<br />
What kind of relationships do you want to create with God, with your parents, children, friends,<br />
co-workers, wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, and most importantly, yourself? <strong>How</strong> do you<br />
attract the type of relationships that you want with the people in your life? <strong>How</strong> would your life<br />
change if your relationships were closer, more intimate, less judgmental, more trusting, and more<br />
loving?<br />
Healthy Body and <strong>Life</strong>style:<br />
What do you want your body to look like? <strong>How</strong> do you want to feel? What do you want to weigh?<br />
Do you want to live a healthy lifestyle? Do you want to live a long life? Do you have exercise<br />
goals? Do you want to have healthy eating habits?<br />
Finances and Abundance:<br />
Do you want to save more money? Do you want to reduce debt? Do you want to increase your<br />
income? Do you want to create other sources of income? Do you want to have a new house, car,<br />
piano, boat, or other things?<br />
Self-Improvement / Awareness:<br />
Do you want a better awareness of who you are; why you do the things you do; think, the thoughts,<br />
you think about; react in the way you do; judge yourself and others; are highly motivated in some<br />
things, but lethargic in others? Do you want to take classes, workshops, seminars? Do you want to<br />
finally get the degree, diploma, certificate, or credentials you have been thinking about? Do you<br />
want to read more books on subjects for which you have a passion?<br />
Hobbies / Entertainment / Fun:<br />
What hobbies do you have now that you want to become better at? What hobbies would you like to<br />
begin; gardening, chess, painting, reading, collecting (coins, stamps, comic books, cookbooks,<br />
etc)? What would you like to do for fun and entertainment: Attend a live performance featuring<br />
your favourite bands, fish, or travel? What would you like to learn to do for fun: Ballroom<br />
dancing, golf, tennis, play an instrument? What would you like to do just once in your life: Jump<br />
out of an airplane, talk in front of a large group? Do you want to travel and experience nature,<br />
different cultures and scenery?<br />
Passions / Purpose:<br />
What are your passions? What is your purpose in life? An easy way to identify this is to look at<br />
what you fantasize about or do in your spare time because you want to do it or love to do it. If you<br />
have a garden in your back yard and you really enjoy the hard work of maintaining a garden, then<br />
that is a passion of yours. If you play tennis, golf or bowl on the weekends, then that is a passion of<br />
yours. If you enjoy babysitting your granddaughter, or fixing things around the house, or finding<br />
new recipes to cook fun special meals, then that is a passion of yours.<br />
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Once we get past the belief that we can have only one passion or only one purpose in life, it is<br />
easier to see that we have many passions and the only work we have to do is to make time for<br />
them, be present while we arc doing them, and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! Our purpose in life is to live to<br />
our potential, experience love and life to the fullest, become aware of whom we are and be true to<br />
our soul. Whatever form that takes in your life is right for you.<br />
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109 East 36th St. Suite 4<br />
Between Park and Lex<br />
DrJRyder@aol.com<br />
http://www.johnryderphd.com/articles.php<br />
Starting at the top, where the star points toward the sky. This I refer to as the SPIRITUAL direction<br />
which represents the gift of UNITY. This is where the mystical nature of love resides, it is where<br />
you will discover whether there is a real bond between the two of you or not. Unity means that<br />
something makes both people feel that they rather be together than apart, they both believe that<br />
when they are together they are like "one". Unity is used to describe what happens when people<br />
bond and experience the world differently; they are no longer just two individuals but, have become<br />
a unit, a pair, a couple. Now they look at the world differently and the world sees them differently as<br />
well. This is a social archetype, a religious one, and a legal one when two people get married. We<br />
become aware of this notion of being a couple from childhood, hopefully growing up in a "family"<br />
ourselves. The concepts of love, family, marriage, romance, happiness exist throughout every aspect<br />
of our society, in every culture, across every nation and around the world. The images that these<br />
words create are similar regardless where one looks. So why is it so hard to find and build a<br />
successful partnership of love and happiness? There are many reasons that make it truly difficult but,<br />
no one can claim that it is impossible.<br />
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Anyone can find UNITY, love and happiness. It would help if you would have a map of how to get<br />
there. The STAR holds all the keys you need to find your way. The reason UNITY is at the top is<br />
that it is the "lifting" energy for a relationship. It may be true that what attracts two people together<br />
is often their physical appearance, some sort of instinctual drive gets engaged but, soon after getting<br />
"close" both individuals look at each other and begin to ask more serious questions: "Could I live the<br />
rest of my life with that person, do I really love them?" and that starts the mystical inquiry about<br />
becoming bonded to the other person. That is when UNITY becomes so important. The best thing<br />
two people can find is 'love at first sight' when both feel the excitement of attraction equally.<br />
One arm of the STAR refers to NURTURANCE. The meaning of this term is found in how each<br />
person takes care of the other with respect to their physical needs, emotional ones as well as the<br />
material and spiritual needs. Love awakens this urge for you to either be "maternal" or "paternal" as<br />
the case may toward your partner. The key word here is nurturing, sharing responsibilities and<br />
helping each other achieve more in life. True love creates a desire in both individuals to support<br />
each other through all walks of life. This does not necessarily have to be along traditional lines<br />
rather, it often requires that both people seek unique and special ways to make their partner happy,<br />
healthy, safe and prosperous. More than anything else if we become aware of our mate's potentials<br />
then it is up to us to help them strive for and reach those potentials. Nurturance refers to the<br />
direction we push and pull our love in. Everyone needs a push or a pull sometime, especially if it is<br />
from your partner.<br />
The next arm refers to the aspect of SHARING in the joys and pains of life from the level of the<br />
mind, body and spirit. This reflects both individual's ability and desire to look at the world through<br />
each others eyes, especially in terms of the past, present and future. The key word is shared vision.<br />
This is what makes each partner feel special and valuable to the other. It is one's interest in their<br />
opinion, their experience of life that helps you feel whole and satisfied. This aspect is expressed<br />
through our curiosity about how our partner sees, hears or feels something. It is not necessary that<br />
we share similar views but that both partners have a genuine interest in the other's experience.<br />
<strong>How</strong>ever, it is important that we share similar dreams and goals for the future. In this manner both<br />
partners participate in the construction of the world they live in and this allows for celebration of life<br />
and that makes the difficult moments pass by more easily.<br />
Then one leg of the star refers to COMPATIBILITY this aspect reveals how many ways two people<br />
fit together, first of all in body - how great is their sexual chemistry, then socially, intellectually,<br />
financially, emotionally, and spiritually. When two people have really great energy together, they<br />
rarely get bored or tired of each other, there is a constant stream of excitement between them.<br />
Compatibility refers to this sense of how well two people mix together, especially in making love,<br />
that is where we hopefully experience the exhilaration of that instinctual passion for life. Chemistry<br />
is physically manifested in love making, this is where the connection can be most concrete. There<br />
are many important factors. In general, the appetite and passion are either in synch or not. The<br />
questions are "how much sex" does each of you want - need, on a monthly basis; and secondly, does<br />
the passion match both partners. If there are big differences in these two aspects, then don't fool<br />
yourself thinking that you have great chemistry, it may not really be.<br />
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The other leg of the star refers to FULFILLMENT which represents the things we do for love's sake<br />
that promote a sense achievement within the relationship. In our everyday life we try to master the<br />
situation, we want to dominate to overcome but in a relationship it is more often a matter to make<br />
the other person happy to please them. The key word<br />
here is SURRENDER to your partner with the<br />
expectation that it will express your sense of love for<br />
them. It is not a matter of compromise, which has its<br />
place in the other aspects of the love star, here<br />
surrender refers to the complete giving in to the<br />
other's needs or desires for the sake of love. When<br />
one surrenders it is not always easy but it should be<br />
with joy, to fulfil the other partner's deepest needs.<br />
This aspect also represents each partner's confidence<br />
to rely on one another, to be comfortable depending<br />
on each other. With this aspect the relationship is<br />
assured the survival through all sorts of difficulties.<br />
All together, this represents the love star, and when<br />
each of these directions is satisfied among two people<br />
then they obviously share a tremendous partnership.<br />
If both agree that they fit together, that each aspect is<br />
present and fulfilled then they have the necessary ingredients to make their love work and enjoy a<br />
lasting relationship. These are rare. Even if one believes that they share every thing with their<br />
partner, this means that they have the potential to succeed. A great relationship requires a lot of work<br />
and time, something people these days are not always eager to invest enough of. Once these basic<br />
qualities are fulfilled then begins a life of passion, joy, adventure, excitement, tranquillity, love and<br />
family. Good luck!<br />
Counselling can help both partners better appreciate what you can be grateful<br />
for and be aware of what is missing. That information is vital to decide what to<br />
do, if possible, improve the relationship or if not, work to dissolve it amicably. I<br />
have helped many couples resolve their conflicts and find greater happiness. I<br />
have also given my support to the couples who determined that they cannot go<br />
on and must change their relationship. These are the most sensitive issues and<br />
difficult things we must deal with. I have the experience to help you better<br />
understand and deal with your relationship. Call my office to discuss your<br />
situation to see if you would like to have me help you work on it.<br />
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Affirmations<br />
I am grateful for discovering the best means to reach my dreams and goals.<br />
I realize that I am ready to enjoy life to the fullest and find peace of mind.<br />
When I focus my attention on positive possibilities I achieve the best solutions.<br />
I am glad to be finding ways to improve my physical and emotional well being.<br />
I am grateful that I was born with many gifts and talents for me to share.<br />
Each day I learn new ways to create and express my unique abilities.<br />
Every day I celebrate my growing confidence and determination to succeed!<br />
When I do worthy things I earn the respect of others and feel good.<br />
By utilizing my rational mind together with my intuition I make greater progress.<br />
As I express my gratitude, I can envision the goals I am achieving.<br />
Moving forward and upward everyday symbolizes the joy of my destiny.<br />
I take advantage of every opportunity to realize my true potentials.<br />
I am grateful to be inspired to achieve my ultimate goals in this life.<br />
It is great to feel the energy with a clear vision to see the path to my goals.<br />
My motivation and determination constantly push me to reach my goals.<br />
I am glad my mind has the ability to focus and concentrate on my purpose.<br />
It is amazing how powerful my mind is when I work deliberately on my future.<br />
I am confident that my life is automatically attracted to what is good for me.<br />
Everything I decide to do has an important reason and purpose.<br />
I value my time very highly and use every minute effectively.<br />
Love is the source of my strength and happiness.<br />
Whenever I smile my face lights up with positive energy!<br />
My questions always direct me to achieve the most in the long run.<br />
Each day I learn new ways to create and express my unique abilities.<br />
Everyday I take the time to exercise, rest, eat right and cleanse myself.<br />
I am glad to attract the most interesting, powerful and caring people into my life!<br />
I accept my challenges as great lessons to motivate me to reach my goals.<br />
I appreciate the outstanding qualities I was born with.<br />
I recognize that I am a unique and very special person!<br />
<strong>To</strong>day I observe my progress in fulfilling my plans and dreams!<br />
I am grateful to have been inspired to achieve my ultimate goals in this life.<br />
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Mastering the Art of <strong>Life</strong> and the Science of Success!<br />
I believe everyone is born with unique talents, gifts, a large variety of personal resources and a<br />
smaller number of limitations. Every person has dreams and expectations some of which come true,<br />
others never do. <strong>How</strong> fast and how far you progress in realizing all your potentials depends directly<br />
on what you do and how you do it.<br />
I have found that it is just as important to have what it takes to succeed as it is to have what it takes<br />
to cope with those temporary setbacks we all must endure. Most people are better at one of these<br />
than the other. Those who learn to master both these skills (achievement and adaptation) discover<br />
that life becomes easier to conquer and cope with.<br />
Throughout life, this becomes your quest for fulfilment and the art of living.<br />
We already know the proven steps others have used to succeed at the game of life. Whether you<br />
must overcome illnesses, bad habits, various personal obstacles or if you want to achieve greater<br />
happiness, wealth, creativity, wisdom and harmony in life, there are many things you can do to<br />
succeed. Increasing your awareness and understanding of yourself and life prepares you for the most<br />
amazing journey. Those individuals who recognize life as an opportunity to learn and experience the<br />
fantastic wonders of the world engage in this quest with passion. They discover the power of their<br />
mind to escape the primitive instinctual nature that dominates most people with fear or anger and<br />
allows them to transform these lower impulses into creative expression of their higher, spiritual<br />
nature. Anyone can experience fulfilment and happiness, it is not reserved for just some people, its<br />
for everyone.<br />
In the larger perspective, I see psychology as both the science and art of working with the mind,<br />
body, and spirit of the individual. I do my best to help each individual develop the skills and obtain<br />
the knowledge to adapt or achieve. Once you know the science of success, the specific steps you<br />
must take to reach your goals, then you must also develop the art of life, relying on your inner<br />
wisdom or intuition to help you adapt to life most effectively. These two skills together assure you<br />
the greatest fulfilment.<br />
Few problems ever go away by themselves although many people are willing to wait a long time<br />
thinking they might. I like to suggest that seeking professional help on a problem is intelligent, will<br />
get rid of it sooner, and let you get on with life. I enjoy working with people from every walk of life,<br />
from the very affluent and powerful to young students struggling. I have clients from nearly every<br />
corner of our world and found that the same problems cause stress to us all. Consequently, I have<br />
developed my own eclectic approach to teach you how to remove obstacles and promote positive<br />
growth.<br />
Some people may want to explore their lives and various issues or relationships in greater depth.<br />
This can be a very rewarding process. Certain people who wish to journey farther in the psychic<br />
sphere may choose to explore past lives or learn how to meditate and reach higher states of<br />
consciousness. I know of no limits on the insight and rewards that an individual can attain in the<br />
pursuit of knowledge.<br />
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THE THREE LEVELS OF THINKING<br />
THE POWER OF PURPOSE<br />
http://www.enotalone.com/article/5958.html<br />
by Peter S. Temes, PhD<br />
The Power of Purpose begins with a simple but remarkable statement: "The more you focus on<br />
helping others, the more you will succeed in reaching your own goals." Peter S. Temes builds on<br />
this fundamental insight to share a simple plan for living with the truest and most enduring kind of<br />
happiness.<br />
At the heart of The Power of Purpose are the "three levels of thinking." At the first level, we ask,<br />
Who am I? and What do I want? At the second level, we ask, Who do other people think I am?<br />
<strong>How</strong> do I look to them? But the real magic happens when we hit the third level, forgetting about<br />
ourselves and asking the questions that lend a powerful sense of purpose to our lives: <strong>How</strong> do<br />
others look to themselves? <strong>How</strong> can I help others become the people they want to be?<br />
<strong>To</strong> help us along the way, Temes, who teaches humanities at Columbia University, draws on the<br />
wisdom of great thinkers including Aristotle, Søren Kierkegaard, and Abraham Lincoln; the life<br />
lessons of great achievers ranging from Mother Teresa to Michael Jordan; and home truths he's<br />
gathered from his parents, his grandparents, and his three children. From all these sources and<br />
from his own life of great personal accomplishment, Temes identifies the essential knowledge that<br />
brings people happiness and success. He cites Aristotle's notion that happiness is not a<br />
psychological state but a moral one, resulting from doing good in the world. Temes also believes<br />
in the pivotal importance of trust and team-building in every area of life, from the family to the<br />
workplace to the street corner.<br />
The Power of Purpose is a map for finding the confidence and power, the opportunities and<br />
occasions, and — most important — the techniques and strategies for centring your relationships<br />
and work on helping others. It is a book with a point of view: the clearest path to your own success<br />
and happiness lies in helping others get to where they want to go.<br />
Make the leap from asking, "who am I, and what do I want?" to asking that most powerful<br />
question of all — "how do others see themselves, and how can I help them feel stronger and more<br />
successful?"<br />
Games are played in all kinds of places — sports stadiums, backyards, offices, classrooms,<br />
kitchens, and dining rooms. But games are won in only one place — in the mind of the winning<br />
player. That's why Michael Jordan was consistently better than the tallest player in the National<br />
Basketball Association every year he played — having better physical tools to work with was not<br />
enough to beat a player like Jordan, thinking at a higher level. That's why some salespeople<br />
consistently sell more — of the same stuff to the same people — than the rest of their colleagues.<br />
That's why David slew Goliath, and that's why your personal path for your success begins right<br />
between your ears.<br />
Here's the fact: how we think is the key to how we live. It's the key to your happiness, the key to<br />
your personal goodness, and the key to your success.<br />
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East Versus West in the Pursuit of Happiness<br />
One useful model of observation on how people think comes in the classic description of the<br />
difference between Eastern thinking and Western thinking. Begin with the observation that<br />
unhappiness is the product of unmet desires. Eastern thinking says, change your desires to match<br />
what you already have, and you will become happy. Western thinking says, change the world to fit<br />
your desires, and you will be happy. If you are unhappy because you live in a tiny house and want<br />
a bigger home, the traditional Eastern view would be to change your desire so that you want no<br />
more than you already have. The Western view would be to go out and build a bigger house, at<br />
almost any cost.<br />
There's some wisdom in this model, but the world we live in today is no longer easily divided<br />
between East and West; each tradition has drawn on the other for decades now, and the habits and<br />
patterns of thinking of each have blended together in important ways. And in my experience, the<br />
most successful people have always combined elements of both traditions in their thinking — they<br />
embrace the ambition and outward focus of the West as well as the patience and humility of the<br />
East.<br />
We all know people who are filled with the Western ambition to go out and change the world.<br />
Many succeed, at least now and then, by pushing against the forces of the world and reshaping<br />
them. But just about all of them also fail now and then — because they come face-to-face with<br />
people, ideas, or parts of the physical world that are simply too strong to be moved. And we all<br />
know people who are filled with Eastern patience and humility, ready to reshape their own desires<br />
to fill the world. At times, this approach to life is powerfully rewarding, with the ups and downs of<br />
the external world softened by a philosophical detachment from external things. But how many<br />
opportunities to make positive change in the world slip by, how many chances to have a real<br />
impact on the world are missed, because of this detachment?<br />
But imagine the man or woman who looks at the world and understands, this is when I should<br />
push, here is the opportunity to reshape the world in some small way, and knows too when to say,<br />
here is when I must step back, here is when my desire has to yield to patience. The real power lies<br />
in being able to see both visions — both the ambition of the West and the humility and patience of<br />
the East — and being able to employ each when it best suits the challenge at hand.<br />
Beyond East and West to the Three Levels of Thinking<br />
For the world we live in today, the best model of human thinking I've come across is built of three<br />
levels or stages,1 and it draws from the best of both the East and the West.<br />
At the first level, the most important question for understanding the world and taking action is<br />
<strong>How</strong> do I feel? or <strong>How</strong> do I look to myself? Picture a teenager waking up in the morning and<br />
saying to his parent, I'm not going to school because I don't feel well. Or the worker leaving a note<br />
on her desk right after lunch — Gone home, not feeling well. That's level one. <strong>How</strong> you feel about<br />
yourself is almost all you care about.<br />
One level higher, the teen turns to his parent and asks, Do I look as bad as I feel? Or the worker<br />
decides not just to leave work, but to go talk with a colleague and say, Wow, I'm not feeling well.<br />
In reply, the parent may say, You look fine to me. Or the colleague may say, You should sit down<br />
and let me have a look at you. This is the second level, where you progress from asking <strong>How</strong> do I<br />
feel? or <strong>How</strong> do I look to myself? to <strong>How</strong> do others feel about me? or <strong>How</strong> do I look to others?<br />
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This is a great leap forward — the individual is beginning to realize that other people are<br />
important, and that the ways other people see the world are important — but it's not remotely as<br />
powerful an outlook as the next level up, the third level.<br />
At the third level, the central question is not about how I feel, or about how others feel about me,<br />
but about how they feel about themselves. That might seem like a small step forward, but it can't<br />
be overestimated. Think about a sales situation — at the first level, the seller is focused on doing a<br />
good job on her own terms; at the second level, she's focused on making a good impression on the<br />
sales prospect. But at the third level, the salesperson herself might as well be invisible, because she<br />
has no interest in looking good, but only in helping the sales prospect look good in his own eyes,<br />
and reach his own goals.<br />
Or think about that teenager who doesn't want to go to school. The teen wakes up and says "I don't<br />
feel well" at level one. At level two, he's able to hear a parent say "you don't look sick to me." But<br />
at the third level, he's asking about how other people feel and discovers the best possible motive to<br />
get out of bed into the world: "other people are depending on me today." The motive to get up and<br />
out is not about what matters to me, but what matters to others.<br />
In this is some irony, and some magic. Once you focus on others in this way — as a friend, as a<br />
citizen, as a manager, as a colleague — you find that you yourself benefit as much or more than<br />
the others you're trying to help. Focusing on the sales prospect's needs instead of your own, you<br />
eventually reap the benefits of greater sales — more money, more respect, more confidence.<br />
Focusing on getting up out of bed because you understand that you can help others — and what a<br />
transforming positive feeling that statement carries with it: I can help others — you find that you<br />
become healthier and happier. You help yourself as much as you help others, because your life<br />
becomes infused with the purpose of doing good.<br />
My grandfather is a wonderful example of this effect. A self-educated man, he worked most of his<br />
life in jobs that did not satisfy his intellect or his desire to help others, but in his free time he was<br />
devoted to political causes that he thought could improve the lives of many. He was a socialist and<br />
an antiwar activist (though a veteran of World War II himself). Although some might argue that<br />
the specifics of his plan for improving the world were misguided, his personal sacrifices to help<br />
make positive change filled his life with a sense of purpose. I had the strong feeling that well into<br />
his late eighties, he continued to wake up in the morning and get out of bed in order to strike a<br />
blow against war, injustice, and poverty every day. That kept him healthy and engaged with the<br />
world while many others his age slipped out of touch. But my grandfather had a reason to live and<br />
to stay strong: he felt he was needed, and that he could help others.<br />
A woman I know in New Hampshire has a similar story to tell. She calls herself a community<br />
activist, having worked for years to get the local government in her town to provide more services<br />
for young families and their children. She's spearheaded drives to create a free day-care centre, to<br />
offer medical services for small children, and to give parents a safe and comfortable public place to<br />
bring their children when the long New England winter drags on. Sundays, she sets up out front of<br />
the local churches with her folding table, raising money and getting signatures on petitions.<br />
Weekdays, she sets up in front of schools and the one big food market in her small town. Everyone<br />
knows her, and she's got no shortage of critics as well as staunch friends — in small New England<br />
towns, there tend to be plenty of sceptics about providing public services, especially if they require<br />
tax dollars to be spent. But this energetic woman, a mother of two young children, says she loves<br />
her enemies. "Two things that motivate me," she says, "are helping the little boys and girls who<br />
need the basics and don't necessarily get them at home, and proving to those folks who don't think<br />
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we ought to do more that of course we ought to do more. And I say this: thank goodness for those<br />
fools who don't want to help! They keep me fighting. If I didn't have such good and proper<br />
enemies, how would I know I was on the right track?"<br />
She gets a good head of steam going as she talks. Clearly, this is a woman who sees her life as<br />
filled with important work. She is a hero in her own eyes — she's got to be strong to help the<br />
children in her area, and so she is strong. Cause and effect. Because she asks herself the<br />
fundamental level-three questions every day — <strong>How</strong> are others living? What do they think of as<br />
their greatest needs? — she's reaching ambitious goals, making an enormous contribution to the<br />
lives of others, and filling her life with high purpose.<br />
The Story of Ed and Fred: Tuning in to What Other People Care About Most<br />
We all want to be our own heroes, and hear our own stories. If you grasp this truth, you can use it<br />
to reach your own goals.<br />
A famous story about the advertising business offers another glimpse of the way the three levels of<br />
thinking work.<br />
Two advertising managers are arguing about the size of the type in an ad they're planning to run in<br />
a newspaper. One of them — call him Ed — wants to save money by using smaller size letters in<br />
the ad. Smaller letters mean a smaller, less expensive ad overall. The other — call him Fred —<br />
says, "You dope, you need big letters to catch people's attention. If we use smaller letters no one<br />
will stop and read the ad." Ed says, "Nonsense. If your message is the right message and you say it<br />
clearly, everyone will read the ad." Fred's not convinced. Ed proposes a wager: "I'll bet you a<br />
thousand dollars I can run an ad in tomorrow's paper that you'll need a magnifying glass to read,<br />
and no matter how hard you try, you won't be able to resist reading every last word." Fred smells<br />
easy money and takes the bet. The next day, the paper comes out and there on the back page is a<br />
block of tiny type. Fred laughs. "OK, pal," he says. "Pay up — I'm not reading it. I couldn't even if<br />
I wanted to — the type's too small." "Well, OK, if you really think you won't. But you should<br />
know what's in the ad. It's all about you. It's your life story." Try as he might, Fred could not resist,<br />
and before the day was over he'd gone out and bought a magnifying glass and read all about<br />
himself over and over again.<br />
Fred was stuck at the first level of thinking — he was in love with his own story, as most of us are.<br />
Ed understood that and used his insight to win the bet and to save money on advertising by writing<br />
ads that used insight into the three levels of thinking to save on space. If you have no insight, your<br />
voice has to be loud to be heard — and your ads need to be big. But if you have lots of insight,<br />
your voice can be quieter and more civil, and your ads can be smaller and less expensive.<br />
Ed was at the third level — he understood that other people didn't want to hear about the products<br />
he had to sell, or about him as a salesperson, but were consumed by their own concerns about<br />
themselves and their own personal struggles. He asked the right level-three questions — <strong>How</strong> do<br />
other people look to themselves? What do they care about most? Ed understood that if he could<br />
connect the sale of his products to those personal concerns, his ads would be more effective and<br />
he'd sell more.<br />
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The Story of Marty Edelston: <strong>How</strong> Second-Level Pride Hobbles the Critics of Successful People<br />
This is the story of a successful businessman with no shortage of critics. But his critics were at<br />
level one and level two. Marty was at level three. That's why the critics were working for Marty,<br />
instead of the other way around.<br />
I first heard the story of Ed and Fred from Marty Edelston, the founder of a company called<br />
Boardroom, Inc. Boardroom publishes the newsletter Bottom Line/Personal, a title that has at<br />
times had more than one million paid subscribers. I first went to work for Marty when I was<br />
nineteen, and the experience was tremendous. It was a glimpse into big-time publishing and also a<br />
fantastic exposure to a successful entrepreneur just hitting his stride as his company was reaching<br />
sales of about $35 million a year. Marty is something of a legend in the publishing business, an<br />
idiosyncratic man with an iron grip on all the details of his company, requiring personal approval<br />
of every word published in his newsletters and books and signing off directly on just about every<br />
dollar spent. Throughout the day, secretaries bring Marty healthy snacks of sliced fruit, which he<br />
generally eats in the middle of meetings, with his fingers.<br />
One of Marty's great talents is hiring bright and hungry people for key jobs. Many have publishing<br />
experience in more traditional firms and some are put off by Marty's highly personal approach and<br />
his total control of management at every level in the company.<br />
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The key to happiness is to appreciate<br />
what you have. Sounds simple. So why<br />
are so many people unhappy?<br />
by Rabbi Noah Weinberg<br />
THE SECRET TO HAPPINESS<br />
The first thing to understand is happiness is generated by you. Nobody and no thing can make you<br />
happy. There is a difference between happiness and a change in your mood. <strong>Your</strong> mood changes<br />
all the time and is situational.<br />
<strong>How</strong> do you make yourself happy? You have to get in touch with the real you. Without really<br />
knowing yourself at the deepest level, how can you know what makes you happy? If you have<br />
spent your life pleasing others and being less genuine because you fear what others think, then<br />
there is some work that needs to be done in the area of self-esteem.<br />
When you become real, everything tends to fall in line because you chose to only do what is in<br />
alignment with the real you. When you BE who you are, you DO what makes you happy, and you<br />
HAVE what you want in your life.<br />
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Another important ingredient to happiness is being in the moment. This is sometimes easier said<br />
than done. It takes practice. It’s easy to get lost in the thoughts about the past regrets, past guilt, or<br />
wishing things were right now they way they were then. At the same time, anxieties and fears<br />
about the future is no way to live either. All you really have and can feel happy about is this<br />
moment right now.<br />
Recognize that happiness is a choice you make. It is not an end result. It is part of the process. You<br />
don’t achieve happiness because of something. You simply are happy or you don’t. If you haven’t<br />
felt happy in awhile, ask yourself, “What am I thinking about?” Be honest.<br />
Accept others realities, even if it isn’t true for you. Recognize that it is their opinion. Having this<br />
high level of acceptance will make a huge difference in your level of happiness. No one and<br />
nothing else can choose how you feel.<br />
Discipline yourself to be happy. Do something to lift your spirits each day. You have to raise your<br />
own vibration.<br />
A young man once came to meet me in Jerusalem. He had an unusually happy disposition, so I<br />
asked him what's his secret. He told me:<br />
"When I was 11 years old, I received a gift of happiness from God.<br />
"I was riding my bicycle when a strong gust of wind blew me onto the ground into the path of an<br />
oncoming truck. The truck ran over me and cut off my leg.<br />
"As I lay there bleeding, I realized that I might have to live the rest of my life without a leg. <strong>How</strong><br />
depressing! But then I realized that being depressed won't get my leg back. So I decided right then<br />
and there not to waste my life despairing.<br />
"When my parents arrived at the hospital they were shocked and grieving. So I told them: 'I've<br />
already adapted. Now you also have to get used to this.'<br />
"Ever since then, I see my friends getting upset over little things: their bus came late, they got a<br />
bad grade on a test, somebody insulted them. But I just enjoy life."<br />
Sounds simple, doesn't it? So why are so many people unhappy?<br />
At age 11, this young man attained the clarity that it is a waste of energy to focus on what you are<br />
missing. And that the key to happiness is to take pleasure in what you have. Sounds simple, doesn't<br />
it? So why are so many people unhappy?<br />
Happiness Is A State Of Mind<br />
Western society commonly perceives happiness as the outcome of what you achieve and acquire.<br />
My whole life would improve if I had a new car...<br />
I just need a better job and then I can relax and be happy.<br />
If only I met the right girl...<br />
You get the car and what happens? For a whole week you're walking on air. Then you go right<br />
back to being unhappy. Sound familiar?<br />
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Judaism says: "Happiness is not a happening. Happiness is a state of mind. You can have<br />
everything in the world and still be miserable. Or you can have relatively little and feel unbounded<br />
joy.<br />
"Who is rich? The one who appreciates what he has." (Talmud - Pirkei Avot 4:1)<br />
Once you master the art of noticing, appreciating and consciously enjoying what you already have,<br />
then you will always be happy.<br />
(c) 2007 Victoria Wizell All Rights Reserved<br />
Appreciate What You Have – And Troubles Become Insignificant<br />
You are standing on the 70th floor of the Empire State Building, gazing at the cityscape. Suddenly<br />
a rather large man brusquely pushes past you, wrenches the window open and announces his<br />
intention to jump.<br />
You yell out: "Stop! Don't do it!"<br />
The six-foot-five figure perched by the window turns to you and menacingly says, "Try to stop me<br />
and I'll take you with me!"<br />
"Umm... No problem, sir. Have a safe trip. Any last words?"<br />
He says, "Let me tell you my troubles. My wife left me, my kids won't talk to me, I lost my job and<br />
my pet turtle died. So why should I go on living?"<br />
Suddenly you have a flash of inspiration.<br />
"Sir, close your eyes for a minute and imagine that you are blind. No colours, no sights of children<br />
playing, no fields of flowers, no sunset. Now imagine that suddenly there's a miracle. You open<br />
your eyes and your vision is restored! Are you going to jump - or will you stick around for a week<br />
to enjoy the sights?"<br />
"I'll stay for a week."<br />
"But what happened to all the troubles?"<br />
"Ah, I guess they're not so bad. I can see!"<br />
An eyeball is worth at least five million dollars. You have two of them? You're rich.<br />
If you really appreciate your eyesight, then the other miseries are nothing.<br />
Yet if you take it all for granted, then nothing in life will ever truly give you joy.<br />
Misconceptions On The Road <strong>To</strong> Happiness<br />
Misconception #1:<br />
"Once I know the tools for being happy, then it will work like magic."<br />
Don't expect the results to come automatically. It is possible to intellectually understand how to<br />
attain happiness, yet not put it into practice.<br />
In fact, many people might actually prefer to be comfortable and unhappy, rather than endure the<br />
discomfort of changing their habits.<br />
Just as learning any new skill requires effort, you have to be willing to invest serious effort to<br />
achieve real happiness.<br />
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Misconception #2:<br />
"If I become content and satisfied with what I have, I'll lose my motivation to achieve more."<br />
Happiness doesn't drain your energy. It adds more!<br />
Ask a happy person: "I have a boat. Do you want to go fishing?"<br />
He'll say: "Great! Let's go!"<br />
Now ask someone who is depressed: "C'mon, let's go fishing!"<br />
He says, "I'm tired. Maybe tomorrow. And anyway, it might rain..."<br />
Happy people are energetic and ambitious. There's never enough time to do everything they want<br />
to do.<br />
Misconception #3:<br />
Happiness is optional. If I want to be depressed, that's my own prerogative<br />
A beautiful Sunday afternoon. You're at the park having a picnic with your friends.<br />
Suddenly the air is pierced by one person complaining: "Who forgot the forks? It's too hot for<br />
volleyball. I want to go home already."><br />
You have an obligation to be happy when your mood is negatively affecting others. Don't spoil the<br />
fun.<br />
We all try to put on a happy face when we're at a party. But what about when we are at home, with<br />
our kids? Or when we trudge into the office on Monday morning?<br />
Like an open pit in the middle of the road, a sour puss is a public menace.<br />
Being happy is part of being considerate to the people around us.<br />
The Daily Pleasure Count<br />
<strong>To</strong> begin appreciating life, pinpoint some things you are extremely grateful for and count them<br />
every morning for one month, e.g.: your eyes, your hands, your children, your cat.<br />
Set a time each day to contemplate these pleasures. Feel gratitude for them. This exercise can<br />
change the mood of even the most miserable amongst us:<br />
The next time you visit your aunt (the one who loves to complain), tell her very respectfully:<br />
"Auntie, I came here to suffer with you today. But before we suffer, it is only fair that you also<br />
share with me five pleasures that you had today."<br />
"I had no pleasures."<br />
"Auntie, did you have coffee for breakfast?"<br />
"Yes."<br />
Don't let her off the hook with this perfunctory answer. Make her share the pleasure. "Was it<br />
sweet? Warm? Did the aroma linger? Did it give you energy?" (She'll comply because she wants<br />
her turn to complain...)<br />
"Okay, it was sweet and it was nice."<br />
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"Great Auntie! Now four more!"<br />
"I didn't have any more."<br />
"Did you wash your face? Was it pleasant? Warm? Refreshing?" Relive it with her. Then another<br />
one.<br />
After she describes five pleasures, her complaints won't be nearly as bad.<br />
<strong>To</strong> really work at this, sit down with your spouse (or roommate) every evening and discuss one<br />
pleasure that each of you had that day. At the very least, you'll have a happier spouse or roommate!<br />
Incorporate this into your family routine so that your children also learn to appreciate their daily<br />
pleasures.<br />
The One Hour Blessing Fest<br />
The next exercise is more sophisticated.<br />
Spend one hour writing down everything for which you are grateful.<br />
Most people fly through the first 15 minutes. The next 15 minutes the pen moves more slowly. The<br />
next 15 minutes get even tougher, but you can pull through if you include your eyebrows and<br />
socks...<br />
The last 15 minutes are excruciating.<br />
Once the list is compiled, add one new blessing each day.<br />
The power of this exercise is clear: You must be conscious of all your blessings, in order to<br />
appreciate whatever new blessings come your way.<br />
Prioritise <strong>Your</strong> Blessings<br />
<strong>To</strong> really hone your skills and become an expert at appreciation, prioritize your list.<br />
Which is more valuable - your hands or your feet?<br />
Eyes or ears?<br />
Sense of taste or your sense of touch?<br />
Comparing each pleasure forces you to qualify the various subtle aspects of each pleasure. And to<br />
quantify how much each respective pleasure gives you.<br />
Follow this course and work at it daily. <strong>Your</strong> gratitude will continue to grow, building a solid<br />
foundation for a lifetime of happiness.<br />
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TO BE HAPPY IS YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE<br />
The purpose of life is simply happiness. The feeling of happiness is what it feels like to be<br />
perfectly human. <strong>To</strong> be alive and human without believing or experiencing the problems, doubts<br />
and fears that we usually pay so much attention to.<br />
It is in our moments of happiness that we can access our full capabilities. When we doubt or fear<br />
we are limiting our capabilities.<br />
<strong>Life</strong>, energy or whatever term you wish to call it comes to us and flows through us continually. We<br />
are not the closed off, fixed beings that we think ourselves to be.<br />
We are, at the subatomic level, a continually changing, flowing of energy. Every time that you<br />
dust your house, you see parts of what was your skin yesterday. Now it has left you and begun to<br />
be recycled for another use. <strong>To</strong>morrow the particles that currently make up that hated wrinkle,<br />
will be dust around your house.<br />
Continually energy flows through you and is guided into form, by the information in;<br />
• your DNA,<br />
• your emotions,<br />
• your thoughts.<br />
This energy is limitless in potential. <strong>How</strong>ever the amount that you receive is limited by your<br />
openness. The energy comes into you through your own funnel. <strong>Your</strong> funnel is determined by<br />
your emotional state.<br />
If you make your funnel tight and narrow, meaning you are down or fearful, you will experience;<br />
• little energy,<br />
• little motivation,<br />
• little capability,<br />
• little happiness.<br />
If your funnel is wide and expansive, you will be happy. And you'll have all the energy,<br />
capabilities and motivation to fulfil your vision.<br />
It is in our most joyful moments that we are able to care about others.<br />
It is then that we have the energy, motivation and strength to turn our dreams into reality.<br />
The best thing we can do;<br />
• for ourselves<br />
• for others,<br />
• for the world is to be happy.<br />
Our joy spreads out to others and helps them to be happy.<br />
If you have a toothache, the aching tooth dominates your thoughts. In the same way, when you are<br />
unhappy, your misery dominates your thoughts. When you are happy, your mind is clear to think<br />
and care of others. So paradoxically, to be happy is the most altruistic and generous thing that you<br />
can do.<br />
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THE DEFINITION OF HAPPINESS TO LIVE BY<br />
A clear definition of happiness is very difficult to find for such a common term.<br />
When I have asked others for a definition of happiness the most general response is a feeling of<br />
contentment.<br />
As a result of this, many people, perhaps subconsciously, tend to be a little wary of happiness.<br />
Happiness seems to be a selfish goal. This definition brings to mind an image of happy people<br />
lying around all day.<br />
Therefore people sometimes think that they would cease to be productive members of society, that<br />
they would stop caring about others.<br />
In truth nothing could be further from the truth.<br />
You cannot help others, you cannot be truly productive and useful unless you are happy.<br />
And you cannot be truly happy, unless you are productive, useful and helping others.<br />
happiness covers three main elements.<br />
Feeling good - Pleasure or a feeling of peace or contentment.<br />
Thoughts - Looking back over your life and being generally satisfied with what has passed and<br />
what has yet to pass.<br />
Not feeling bad - Feeling bad obviously detracts from happiness.<br />
Obviously these elements are part of happiness. <strong>How</strong>ever I think that these definitions of happiness<br />
are missing the point.<br />
Here's why.<br />
Let’s use the ageing of our bodies as an analogy of how we create unhappiness.<br />
Ageing is a little like the rusting of a car. It is a gradual wearing down that leads to cellular<br />
degeneration, which we observe as ageing.<br />
Every year 99% of our cells are renewed. Every seven years we have a completely new body. If<br />
the new cells were exactly the same as the previous cells we would never age. <strong>How</strong>ever because<br />
the body is under continual attack the cells begin to mutate.<br />
The attacks come from:<br />
- Pollutants in the atmosphere.<br />
- Lack of nutrients in our food.<br />
- Inefficiencies in our bodily systems for example lack of exercise or illness.<br />
- Biochemical effects of emotions such as anger and anxiety.<br />
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As a result of these attacks the blueprint, or design, from which new cells are made becomes<br />
slightly distorted. So the new cells develop to be slightly different to the original design for the<br />
body.<br />
In effect then the new body is alien to the original DNA blueprint. So ageing occurs when the body<br />
begins to live according to a different design to that which is natural for it.<br />
In the short term, we become sick when something alien to us, such as a disease, invades our body.<br />
Many of the symptoms of a disease are the side effects of our body working to protect us.<br />
For example, we experience a temperature as our immune system mobilizes to attack the invader.<br />
The temperature is not caused by the disease, but by our body’s reaction to the disease.<br />
Happiness is the emotional aspect of health.<br />
We become unhappy when we take on something that is alien to us.<br />
When we say something, or act in a way, that is not really true to us we become unhappy. We<br />
experience unhappiness in a number of ways. Sometimes it is anger or frustration, other times it is<br />
anxiety.<br />
All are the emotional equivalent of a disease or illness.<br />
Our emotions are not caused by events that happen to us, but by our reaction to the events<br />
that happen to us.<br />
Our happiness and emotional health comes under attack whenever we think, speak or act<br />
something that is not really true to our natural design. Just as with our physical health, we are<br />
continually attacked by many ‘invading aliens’. These include;<br />
The pressure to conform to Society’s, groups and organizational rules.<br />
Expectations of ourselves, and others, to live up to certain standards.<br />
Fitting into pre-designed roles, which restrict, confine and limit our expression of our true<br />
individuality.<br />
My definition of happiness is a natural outcome of being yourself. It is having complete integrity.<br />
Everything that you think, matches with what you say, which matches with what you do.<br />
- Inside every Singer is a song that has to be sung.<br />
Inside every Poet is a poem that must be written.<br />
Inside every Painter is a painting that must be painted.<br />
Inside every Entrepreneur is an enterprise that must be started.<br />
Inside every Social Campaigner is an ill that must be righted.<br />
Inside every Administrator is an inefficiency that must be organized.<br />
Inside every One is something that must be created, fixed or improved.<br />
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THE THREE WAYS TO HAPPINESS<br />
I have read many books offering ways to happiness. These can be categorized in three main ways.<br />
Happiness By Description: The first of the ways to happiness<br />
The first way is what I call the Mystic or Poetic group. These are personal accounts of people who<br />
have reached a state of blissful happiness. They then try to explain what they have experienced...<br />
and how they have reached that stage.<br />
This leads to a poetic or mystical description that seems to its readers to be impossible or<br />
unrealistic to reach.<br />
The problem is that the gap between the reader and the author is so great that they cannot relate to<br />
one another's experience.<br />
The Author tries to describe how he or she reached this state. Their way to happiness. <strong>How</strong>ever<br />
what worked for the Author, is not what will necessarily work for the Reader.<br />
Happiness By Prescription: The second of the ways to happiness<br />
The second of the ways to happiness is what I call the theory or formula route.<br />
In this way someone or some group has a theory or formula that they believe leads to happiness for<br />
each of us.<br />
Every religion or philosophy is based on a theory or formula, of the best or only way to happiness.<br />
It may be happiness in another life or world... but none the less it is happiness.<br />
All of these believe that there are certain rules or behaviours that must be observed and kept before<br />
you can be happy.<br />
The major flaw with this, is that the theory or formula can be believed so deeply, that believers try<br />
to thrust their own beliefs onto others. The most destructive acts in our history have come about<br />
because of this theory or formula approach. Nazi Germany's attempt to impose an Aryan race was<br />
their formula for happiness.<br />
Many tribes, such as Native Americans and Aboriginals, have found their way of life taken away<br />
from them. All in the name of technological progress or civilization. Which is the invader's name<br />
for their formula to happiness.<br />
Happiness by Observation: The third of the ways to happiness<br />
The third of the ways to happiness is to study happy people and look for what is different from<br />
unhappy people. Then they say this is what makes people happy.<br />
This tends to be a lot by academics and other observers or researchers.<br />
The problem with this is that the personality traits and behaviours displayed by happy people, may<br />
be the result of happiness... not what has caused it. The fact of being happy may lead to that<br />
personality trait or behaviour.<br />
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We can also see this approach used in business. When a business, or an individual, is successful,<br />
they are analyzed and observed for clues to their success. Then hundreds of writers spew out<br />
articles, reports and books advocating some new fad.<br />
<strong>How</strong>ever what works for one business, worked because it fitted in with;<br />
- their strategy,<br />
- their employees,<br />
- their marketplace<br />
and all the other elements.<br />
Along come thousands of other businesses in entirely different situations copying someone else's<br />
tactics and then getting frustrated when they do not get the same results.<br />
There are no ways to happiness... And yet every route can be a path to happiness. Happiness is a<br />
choice in every instant.<br />
If you follow any of anyone else's ways to happiness, you will always be settling for less happiness<br />
than you could experience.<br />
Happiness is a unique experience that must be reached in a unique way. This doesn't mean that you<br />
can't learn from the experience of others. <strong>How</strong>ever when a choice has to be made between your<br />
path, your choice and that of another, always choose your way.<br />
<strong>To</strong> Be Or Not <strong>To</strong> Be Happy Is A Choice<br />
Being happy is really a choice we make, but it doesn't always seem to be that straightforward.<br />
In each of our lives there are two worlds. One leads to a happy life... and the other to a life of<br />
frustration, despair and misery.<br />
These two worlds are the inner world and the outer world. The inner world is made up of our<br />
thoughts, and feelings.<br />
The outer world is made of all the things that we can see, hear, touch, smell and taste. The outer<br />
world is the manifestation of your inner world. Everything in the outer world is only a symbol<br />
representing something in your inner world.<br />
So when we say that we want more money. What we really mean is that we want to create the<br />
feeling of being free to buy whatever we like, or to get rid of the feeling of worry connected to<br />
money?<br />
Ceci N’est Pas Une Pipe<br />
Think of your life as a film. The drama, excitement and stories unfurl before your eyes on the<br />
screen.<br />
Just as the drama, excitement and events in your life unfold in the outer world.<br />
The screen however is only where the projection from the projector or video or DVD is displayed.<br />
Just as everything in your life is created from your thoughts, feelings and beliefs.<br />
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If the wrong film were playing on the screen you would not start trying to make changes to the<br />
screen.<br />
It’s clear to you that the source of the film is not the screen. You would change the video or DVD.<br />
Yet in life we continually try to change the outer world. When we feel insecure we try to make<br />
more money, build new relationships or buy insurance to make ourselves feel safer.<br />
When we feel unhappy we try to buy new things, change things around or move to be around new<br />
things or new people.<br />
This rarely works for long because our feelings are created, not by things around us, but by<br />
thoughts... our perception of what is happening around us.<br />
Our feelings are from our inner world and things are from our outer world. The link is indirect...<br />
and so the outer world is an indirect, slow and complex way of changing how we feel.<br />
The solution to achieving a happy life as with many solutions is so simple that we cannot<br />
understand or believe it. We are always searching for the high tech, the complex and impressive<br />
solutions, but ignore the simple truth.<br />
Happiness comes from feelings, not from things we buy to make us happy. We have become so<br />
ingrained in seeking happiness indirectly that we do not always understand the difference between<br />
being happy for the short-term and long term.<br />
Don't Worry - Be Happy And Control <strong>Your</strong> Destiny<br />
Don't worry be happy. This sounds such a simplistic phrase, but there is great power and wisdom<br />
in it.<br />
Worry blocks our thinking, narrows our options and limits us. Being happy increases our creativity<br />
and problem solving skills. It increases our energy, motivation and our abilities.<br />
Don’t worry, be happy tells us to focus on what we want rather than what we don’t want. When we<br />
focus on what we want our actions take us nearer to our goals.<br />
When we focus on what we don’t want we move away from what we don’t want. But not<br />
necessarily in the direction that we want to go in. Out of the fire and into the frying pan.<br />
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HAPPY PEOPLE HAVE ALL THE LUCK<br />
Happy people get far less attention than unhappy people.<br />
There is a mountain of research on depression and the many other thousands of ways that<br />
Psychology has categorized our misery. Only recently has the focus begun to turn to happiness.<br />
There are a number of benefits to being joyful. Research indicates that happy people seem to;<br />
1. Have a stronger immune system and therefore better health<br />
2. Live longer.<br />
3. Be more creative.<br />
4. Be more co-operative.<br />
5. Be more productive.<br />
6. Be more successful in their careers.<br />
7. Be liked more.<br />
8. Be judged as more attractive.<br />
9. Be more successful in relationships.<br />
10. Be better equipped to cope with adverse situations.<br />
11. Have a higher self-esteem.<br />
12. Believe they have more control over their lives.<br />
13. Be more optimistic.<br />
Beyond these research findings there may be other unproven benefits to being happy. I believe that<br />
it is happiness that gives us the fuel and the ability to do whatever it is that we want to do.<br />
We can want to do something. But when we want, while we are feeling low or powerless we<br />
cannot achieve anything. Emotional pain is like physical pain in the sense that it keeps directing<br />
our attention onto the thing that causes us pain.<br />
We become like a car stuck in mud. The more that we think, the more that we act all only serves to<br />
dig ourselves into a deeper rut.<br />
The deeper into the rut we get, the more helpless we become.<br />
Happy people are able to stay above any dips in the road. From this point we are able to see<br />
alternative paths and options. This gives us the power and ability to change our reality.<br />
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HOW TO BE HAPPY NOW<br />
You can feel happiness, this very minute, if you so choose.<br />
When we talk of wanting to be happy, we are generally feeling sad or down.<br />
Whatever emotions or feelings you are experiencing at this moment in time is dependent on your<br />
thoughts. Every emotional state is created by a hormonal and biochemical mix. <strong>To</strong> be happy is<br />
merely a chemical mix. If you have a great deal of serotonin pumping around your system you will<br />
probably feel sleepy.<br />
So to be happy now requires you either to pay attention to something else or to perceive what you<br />
are paying attention to differently. Most people forget these options and try to go straight into<br />
changing their mood by changing the chemical status of their body.<br />
Perhaps they will take drugs, or maybe they will eat some chocolate or drink a coffee.<br />
If you want to change your mood instantly use this simple exercise.<br />
Notice exactly what you are thinking and paying attention to. If the feelings you have are not<br />
enjoyable you are perhaps worrying about something, frustrated, angry or sad.<br />
Draw a box in the air in front of you. Bring to mind all the things that you do not want and put<br />
them into the box.<br />
Now draw another box next to your first. Into this box put all the things that you do want.<br />
Most people have trouble with this. They generally start to say things like “ I want to not be so<br />
tired” or “I want to not have to worry about..” These are things that you don’t want. Reverse the<br />
things you don’t want. For example, “I am feeling healthy, strong and happy now” “I am excited<br />
about…”<br />
Now you have a clear choice of where to focus your attention between what you do want and what<br />
you don’t want.<br />
If you continue to focus all your energy and attention on what you do want you’ll soon find<br />
yourself with all the energy, motivation you need… and you’ll be happy now.<br />
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THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS<br />
Seeking happiness is not a luxury or a privilege. It is your attempt to give to the world.<br />
It is not self-indulgent or selfish. It is the noblest choice you can make.<br />
<strong>How</strong>ever it is a mistake.<br />
Here’s why.<br />
The very phrase, the pursuit of happiness is based on a misunderstanding of happiness.<br />
Happiness is not a thing that can be pursued, chased or won. It can only be chosen. And it can<br />
only be chosen by the individual who would experience it. There is nothing you can do, buy or say<br />
that will give lasting happiness to another.<br />
The best that you can do is demonstrate happiness through your own life. This shows others that<br />
genuine happiness can be chosen. And in their own time they may choose it also.<br />
The pursuit of happiness is based on an assumption that there is an ideal that we need to match up<br />
to before being happy.<br />
Because of this faulty assumption, many people chase after things and experiences they believe<br />
will make them happier.<br />
Yet in truth there are no entry requirements to be happy. You do not need;<br />
• any educational requirements,<br />
• any status or income levels,<br />
• anything other than the pure intention and choice to be happy.<br />
This is why all the world engages in the pursuit of happiness, yet few achieve more than fleeting<br />
glances at it.<br />
All the things that we want, whether it is a great fortune or saintliness. Are all motivated, at their<br />
source by one thing: The desire for happiness.<br />
Even those who shun happiness, such as ascetics, do so in the pursuit of happiness. Just a different<br />
definition of happiness... and a different timescale.<br />
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AUTHENTIC HAPPINESS OR TEMPORARY<br />
HAPPINESS?<br />
Authentic happiness is not what most people talk of, when they talk about being happy.<br />
True happiness is a state where you know that you will be happy tomorrow… next week… and<br />
next year.<br />
You know you will be happy if the sun shines tomorrow… or if it rains.<br />
Authentic happiness does not depend on anything happening… or not happening.<br />
Authentic happiness is a way of living that is in tune with your natural physical and emotional<br />
design. It is the buzz of being in control of your life and of sharing all that you are with the<br />
world. It is like the smooth hum of a luxury car running perfectly.<br />
Most people talk of happiness when they are not happy.<br />
When we are happy our mind is not on how we are feeling, but is absorbed in something exciting.<br />
In our moments of deepest happiness we are not even aware of thinking.<br />
We speak of happiness from a longing to be happy. Therefore happiness is spoken about in the<br />
way that someone drowning would clamour about for a lifeline.<br />
We speak of happiness when we are sick of misery.<br />
We speak of being happy when we are desperate to get rid of the pain of emptiness and frustration.<br />
This is why we grab at anything that seems to be easy for us to reach. We reach out to be happier<br />
from an emotional state that doesn’t believe anything more than temporary relief is possible.<br />
So we settle for a short-term fix.<br />
Our attempts at creating authentic happiness are like our attempts at being healthy.<br />
We all want to be healthy. But we never think about being healthy, until we experience ill health.<br />
We never concern ourselves with keeping our body in its best possible working order.<br />
But when we get sick or experience pain, we crave health. And from the desperation to avoid<br />
pain, we will take a painkiller.<br />
The pain killer doesn’t make us healthy. In fact many would argue that introducing the painkiller<br />
may lead to imbalances in the body…which may lead to further health problems. But it does take<br />
away our pain.<br />
When our pain is gone do we concern ourselves with ensuring our health is the best it can be?<br />
No.<br />
For most of us we forget about our health… until we get another reminder.<br />
We follow this same pattern for happiness… And this is why few reach authentic happiness.<br />
We forever chase the instant and easy cure rather than the effective and lasting solution.<br />
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We choose the thirty second sound bite over the deeper insight contained in the longer article.<br />
We choose another’s suggestions rather than making the effort to find our own solutions.<br />
We choose the comfort of conformity over the bravery of authenticity.<br />
At times we try to lessen our pain and emptiness... By;<br />
• drinking<br />
• taking drugs<br />
• keeping busy<br />
• shopping<br />
• or otherwise distracting ourselves, we are taking the emotional equivalent of a painkiller.<br />
That is not to say that painkillers do not have their place. Everything has a place in the world. But<br />
their place is not to create health.<br />
Authentic happiness can never be bought, given or copied. It can only be chosen.<br />
Choose <strong>To</strong> Be Happy And You Will Be<br />
The responsibility for being happy is up to you because no one or nothing<br />
else can be accountable for your actions. Being responsible for your attitude towards yourself and<br />
the world is the main ingredient for being happy.<br />
Almost everyone has heard the hit single ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ by Bobby McFerrin. The song<br />
has a very catchy way of conveying its message of being happy to everyone. Bobby McFerrin’s<br />
simple message surely made an impression on a lot of people by telling them not to worry.<br />
Living a happy, resilient and optimistic life is wonderful, and is also good for your health. Being<br />
happy actually protects you from the stresses of life. Stress is linked to top causes of death such as<br />
heart disease, cancer and stroke.<br />
One of the better things ever said is - ‘The only thing in life that will always remain the same is<br />
change’, and in our life we have the power to make the necessary changes if we want to. Even if<br />
we find ourselves in an unbearable situation we can always find solace in the knowledge that it too<br />
would change.<br />
Social networks or relationships are essential to happiness. People are<br />
different, accept people for whom or what they are, avoid clashes, constant arguments, and let go<br />
of all kinds of resentments. If arguments seem unavoidable still try and make an effort to<br />
understand the situation and you might just get along with people better.<br />
Happiness is actually found in everyone, increasing it is a way to make a life more wonderful and<br />
also healthier.<br />
<strong>To</strong> be happy is relatively easy; just decide to be a happy person. Abraham<br />
Lincoln observed that most people for most of the time can choose how happy or stressed, how<br />
relaxed or troubled, how bright or dull their outlook to be. The choice is simple really, choose to be<br />
happy.<br />
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There are several ways by which you can do this.<br />
Being grateful is a great attitude. We have so much to be thankful for. Thank the taxi driver for<br />
bringing you home safely, thank the cook for a wonderful dinner and thank the guy who cleans<br />
your clothes. Also thank the mailman for bringing you your mail, thank the policeman for making<br />
your community safe and thank God for being alive.<br />
News is stressful. Get less of it. Some people just can’t start their day<br />
without their daily dose of news. Try and think about it, 99% of the news we hear or read is bad<br />
news. Starting the day with bad news does not seem to be a sensible thing to do.<br />
A religious connection is also recommended. Being part of a religious group with its singing,<br />
sacraments, chanting, prayers and meditations foster inner peace.<br />
Manage your time. Time is invaluable and too important to waste. Time management can be<br />
viewed as a list of rules that involves scheduling, setting goals, planning, creating lists of things to<br />
do and prioritizing. These are the core basics of time management that should be understood to<br />
develop an efficient personal time management skill. These basic skills can be fine tuned further to<br />
include the finer points of each skill that can give you that extra reserve to make the results you<br />
desire.<br />
Laugh and laugh heartily everyday. Heard a good joke? Tell your friends or family about it. As<br />
they also say -’Laughter is the best medicine’.<br />
Express your feelings, affections, friendship and passion to people around you. They will most<br />
likely reciprocate your actions. Try not to keep pent up anger of frustrations, this is bad for your<br />
health. Instead find ways of expressing them in a way that will not cause more injury or hurt to<br />
anyone.<br />
Working hard brings tremendous personal satisfaction. It gives a feeling of<br />
being competent in finishing our tasks. Accomplishments are necessary for all of us; they give us a<br />
sense of value. Work on things that you feel worthy of your time.<br />
Learning is a joyful exercise. Try and learn something new everyday. Learning also makes us<br />
expand and broaden our horizons, and could also give us more opportunities in the future.<br />
Run, jog, walk and do other things that your body was made for. Feel alive.<br />
53
10 CRITICAL CLUES FOR SUCCESS<br />
I don't need to be a gypsy fortune teller to tell your fortune. I can tell with a 95% certainty whether<br />
or not a person is (or is going to be) successful.<br />
All I need is 20 minutes of conversation or a few email interactions and I know. It is easy to do.<br />
You can do it too. Yes! You can actually predict whether or not someone will have the success<br />
they say they want. Better yet, you can tell if you are going to be a success OR not.<br />
The best part about checking to see if you will be a success is that you don't have to 'beat around<br />
the bush' in a conversation to discover the clues, as you would normally have to do with another<br />
person. The worst part about checking in with yourself is that you will run up against an outright<br />
liar. Yes, you will attempt to deceive yourself. Now that you are forewarned about that, you can<br />
watch out for your attempts to obscure (or divert yourself from) the truth about yourself.<br />
So, if you want to predict the future of anyone, including yourself, here are the ten most critical<br />
clues that you will need to uncover and clarify:<br />
1- Attitude<br />
2- Intention<br />
3- Purpose<br />
4- Passion<br />
5- Plan<br />
6- Resolve<br />
7- Responsibility<br />
8- Words<br />
9- Actions<br />
10-Peers.<br />
Let's take a closer look at each.<br />
Attitude:<br />
There is a winner's attitude and there is a loser's attitude. Most people have a mix of the two.<br />
A winner's attitude is characterized by high self-esteem, a positive outlook on life, a general<br />
feeling of gratitude, a sense of great personal destiny, a willingness to learn and the will to do what<br />
is necessary.<br />
Losers have poor self-esteem, a negative (they say realistic) outlook on life, a general feeling of<br />
resentment about the trials and tribulations of life, a sense of impending negative fate, a<br />
stubbornness about what they 'know', and lousy will-power or self-discipline.<br />
Intention:<br />
As a general rule, things done with intent, produce intended results and things done without<br />
specific intent produce unintended results.<br />
It is my experience that most people think, say and do most things in life without any conscious<br />
and specific intent. I like to ask people (and especially myself) the following clarifying questions:<br />
54
What is your intent in holding that belief? What is your intent in thinking that way? What is your<br />
intent in doing what you do? Most can't answer. Winners can. More importantly, winners are<br />
always asking themselves, "what is my intended result for this chosen action, thought or way of<br />
being?".<br />
Purpose:<br />
This is so simple it is almost ludicrous... a life without a defined and stated purpose is a life of no<br />
purpose and no meaning.<br />
Winners have a purpose. Losers do not. Winners live a life of purpose and 'on purpose'. Losers live<br />
accidentally; victims of circumstance instead of creators of circumstance. The sooner you write<br />
down the succinct and true purpose of your life, the sooner you will discover success, happiness<br />
and personal fulfilment.<br />
Important caveat: your purpose does not have to be altruistic or measure up to anyone's standards<br />
except your own. It can be entirely selfish.<br />
Passion:<br />
Passion is that fuel that drives you. Passion is also what attracts to you the people and resources<br />
that you need to achieve your success.<br />
Passion is magnetic. Desire is the metaphysical equivalent of gravity. It draws to you the elements<br />
that you need to succeed. Passionate people attract followers and supporters. Winners are<br />
passionate! ! ! ! !<br />
Plan:<br />
You've heard before. You've read it many times. Every personal empowerment teacher says it...<br />
You must have specific and written goals and a step-by-step plan to enact those goals.<br />
Every business needs a business plan. <strong>Your</strong> life needs a plan. You must create it. As Ben Franklin<br />
pointed out, "Failing to plan is planning to fail." Winners have a game plan. Losers are spectators<br />
and armchair quarterbacks. Do you have written goals?<br />
Do you have a specific game plan?<br />
Resolve:<br />
It is persistence that creates winners. It takes resolve to reach the top.<br />
There will be obstacles in your path and impediments to your success. Losers allow themselves to<br />
be defeated by these barriers. Winners use them to build up strength and/or to learn a better way to<br />
do something. I see it all the time... people quit just before the finish line. They lose focus and<br />
direction.<br />
Winners persist. Losers desist.<br />
55
Responsibility:<br />
Ask yourself this question, "Why don't I have all the prosperity, happiness, success and fulfilment<br />
that I desire?"<br />
If you blame any condition, circumstance, event, person or external thing, then you are a loser.<br />
Winners accept responsibility. Losers assess blame.<br />
Step up to the plate and accept responsibility for your life and you will become the winner that you<br />
desire to be in your secret heartfelt moments. The wonderful part about accepting responsibility for<br />
your failures is that you also get to accept responsibility for your successes. You don't have to say<br />
that you were lucky or blessed or had the right breaks... you can say, "I did this."<br />
Words:<br />
The words you speak and the way you speak them tell a lot about you. They tell the world what<br />
you believe, what you think, where you have been, who you hang around with and where you are<br />
likely to end up.<br />
Below average people talk about other people; average people talk about events and<br />
circumstances. above average people (winners) talk about ideas and ideals (especially their own).<br />
Winners say what they mean and mean what they say. Losers say what they think will please<br />
others or repeat what they have been told.<br />
Actions:<br />
And yes, actions speak louder than words. The things you do are a reflection of your character.<br />
Most people tend to do what most others do, in some sort of wilful ignorance of the plain fact that<br />
most people live mediocre lives and never achieve the success they had idealized for themselves.<br />
Actions produces results.<br />
If you want uncommon results, you must undertake to act uncommonly on purpose, with intent,<br />
with responsibility, with persistence, with resolve, with passion and according to your plan.<br />
Do what you love. Do what you will.<br />
Peers:<br />
Birds of a feather do flock together.<br />
If you want to be a winner, hang out with winners. Create your own 'mastermind group'. Try to be<br />
involved with people who are smarter than you, more successful than you, have greater aspirations<br />
than you. If you can't do it in person, read their books or read their biographies or visit their<br />
websites.<br />
Losers like to hang around with other losers, not just because misery loves company, but because<br />
their self-esteem is not threatened by comparison to their peers. If you can find the way to love<br />
56
yourself enough to always have a high level of self-esteem, then you won't need to compare<br />
yourself to others.<br />
Winners believe in themselves. Losers believe in the world around them.<br />
So now you know my secret to be able to predict the future.<br />
All I need to know about a person is:<br />
1- Who they hang around with,<br />
2- What they do day-to-day,<br />
3- The way they speak and what they say,<br />
4- Whether or not they assume responsibility or assess blame,<br />
5- Whether or not they have the resolve (the stick-to-it-tive-ness) to overcome obstacles,<br />
6- If they have a plan to live by,<br />
7- A passion for life and their plans,<br />
8- A self-designed purpose to live for,<br />
9- If they act intentionally or in reaction, and,<br />
10- What their overall attitude is to life and their part in it.<br />
Now that you know, you don't need me, or some gypsy tea leaf reader, to predict your future.<br />
The GREAT good news is that, if you discover, through this self-analysis, that you do not have<br />
these 10 necessary characteristics of winners, you can change the way you are and the things you<br />
do. So there it is... your destiny is yours, by design or by default. It is up to you.<br />
© Leslie Fieger. All rights reserved worldwide.<br />
Leslie is the author of The DELFIN Knowledge System Trilogy: The Initiation, The Journey and<br />
The Quest plus many more success publications. He also the co-author of The End of the World<br />
with Hugh Jeffries and Alexandra's DragonFire with his daughter Ashley. Subscribe to his free and<br />
ad-free eZine at http://www.ProsperityParadigm.com or http://www.LeslieFieger.com.<br />
Reprinting and republishing of this article is granted only with the above credit included.<br />
Permission to reprint or republish does not waive any copyright.<br />
Richard Gorham is the founder and President of Leadership-<strong>To</strong>ols, Inc. His web site,<br />
http://www.leadership-tools.com is dedicated to providing free tools and resources for today's<br />
aspiring leaders. Offering high-quality tools in the areas of Business Planning, Leadership<br />
Development, Customer Service, Sales Management and Team Building.<br />
57
SUCCESS - TEN WINNING TRAITS!<br />
No surprise - winning traits are common among high achievers.<br />
Are you tired of schlepping to the beat of someone else's drum? Does the idea of being your own<br />
boss appeal to you?<br />
Are you entrepreneur material?<br />
There are ten common traits among winners and the most successful entrepreneurs.<br />
Ten Winning Traites!<br />
1. An Eye For Opportunity: Many entrepreneurs start by identifying a common need and using<br />
some basic elbow grease and imagination to deliver a solution.<br />
2. Independence: Even though most entrepreneurs know how to work within a framework for the<br />
sake of profits, they enjoy being their own boss.<br />
3. An Appetite For Hard Work: Most entrepreneurs start out working long, hard hours with little<br />
pay. They are driven by their vision so "hard work" to them is also just a matter of doing what<br />
they love and following their dream.<br />
4. Self-Confidence: Entrepreneurs must demonstrate the winning trait of self-confidence in order<br />
to cope with all the risks of operating their own business. They are empowered with the<br />
knowledge that each barrier is placed in front of them for the purpose finding a way to knock it<br />
down and move forward.<br />
5. Discipline: Successful entrepreneurs resist the temptation to do what is unimportant or the<br />
easiest but have the ability to think through to what is the most essential.<br />
6. Judgment: Successful entrepreneurs have the ability to think quickly and make a wise decision.<br />
They possess the common sense and good judgement of asking others opinions, but after<br />
gathering all available information, they make their own decision.<br />
7. Ability <strong>To</strong> Accept Change: Change occurs frequently when you own your own business. This<br />
is one of the most important traits as it provides freedom to the entrepreneur who thrives on<br />
change - they understand that change is opens the door to new opportunity and growth.<br />
8. Makes Stress Work For Them: On the roller coaster to business success the entrepreneur often<br />
copes by focusing on the end result and not so much the process of getting there. <strong>To</strong> be sure,<br />
this is one of the more difficult but necessary winning traits.<br />
9. Need <strong>To</strong> Achieve: Although they keep an "eye" on profits, this is often secondary to the drive<br />
toward personal success.<br />
10. Focus On Profits: Successful entrepreneurs always have the profit margin in sight. They know<br />
that their business success is measured by profits and their business survival is dependent on<br />
good cash flow.<br />
<strong>How</strong> many of our ten winning traits do you possess? Do you belong to this entrepreneurial profile<br />
or would you rather maintain a more regular 9 to 5 job, pick up your pay check every other week<br />
and leave the headaches to someone else? Most people, quite easily, choose the latter. They do<br />
NOT possess the winning traits of entrepreneurs.<br />
58
12 ELEMENTS OF SUCCESS<br />
There are twelve necessary elements involved in achieving success:<br />
1. Spend daily time in reflection, contemplation, meditation, stillness and silence. Ground<br />
yourself in self-awareness.<br />
Since all that exists arises out of the infinite, you should get intimate with the infinite so you can<br />
have what you want. Meditation connects you the greater aspects of your self and also to the<br />
divine.<br />
Learn to meditate and then develop the discipline to do it daily; make it a habit, like brushing your<br />
teeth.<br />
Contemplation of one's own internal self and of the external world will lead to wisdom.<br />
2. Gain control of your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies.<br />
Stop allowing your self to get yanked around by other people, by your culture, by events or<br />
circumstances. You are you. You own your self. Take control.<br />
Think what you want. Feel how you want. Believe what you decide is best for you.<br />
Create you own ideals. Define your own purpose. Then, live that purpose.<br />
3. Develop a strong self-image. Learn to love yourself.<br />
Get to know yourself. You are an exceptional individual. You are unique in the whole universe.<br />
You are special. You are sacred. Know who you are and then, love who you are.<br />
Self-love is not egocentrism; it is simply the acknowledgement of your sacredness.<br />
4. Think for yourself. Opt out of mass consciousness. Utilize your creative imagination.<br />
Look around you. If you want to be average, to be the norm, then think like everyone else. If you<br />
want more out of life, then learn to think for yourself.<br />
Don't allow your culture to become your cult. Program your self.<br />
5. Set your goals. Create your own game plan. WRITE IT DOWN.<br />
Write down your goals. Define them. Affirm them.<br />
If you fail to make a plan, then you might as well plan to fail.<br />
Let's take a look at some research two university studies about written goals. The results will<br />
astound you and, hopefully, convince you to begin now to write down your own goals.<br />
In 1984, a follow up study was done on the Harvard Business School graduating class of 1964. All<br />
members of the class stated that they had had, at graduation, clear goals to accomplish in life.<br />
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Only 5% of the 1964 class had taken the time to write down their goals. 95% of this group had<br />
achieved those written goals 20 years later.<br />
Of the 95% who did not bother to write down their goals in 1964, only 5% had achieved their<br />
expected goals.<br />
Even Harvard graduates only succeed when they plan to succeed and then commit their plans to<br />
writing.<br />
The Harvard study was preceded by an earlier study done by Yale University.<br />
This study found that only 3% of the 1953 graduating class had written goals.<br />
Twenty years later, in 1973, this 3% of the Yale graduates had accomplished more than the other<br />
97% combined.<br />
Set your ideals, clarify your goals and then write them down. Carry them with you. Refer to them<br />
often. Map your progress. Plan to succeed.<br />
6. Do what needs to be done. Develop self-discipline.<br />
Become your own disciple. Don't allow yourself to become distracted or to become too lazy to do<br />
what is necessary to achieve your goal.<br />
Develop the discipline to be what you need to be, do what you need to do in order to have what<br />
you want to have.<br />
7. Be of service. Think win/win. Find a way to create success or happiness for others.<br />
People succeed by giving others what they want. 'Find a need or want and then fill it' is an old<br />
truism of business. Examine your own ideals.<br />
Are there others who hold the same desires?<br />
Find a way to give others what is in tune with your shared ideals and you will prosper.<br />
8. Educate yourself, then use, apply what you know. Applied knowledge is power.<br />
Get wise. Apply what you learn to your life. Many people know the secrets of happiness and<br />
success but don't apply them and are confused by the lack of harmony in their lives.<br />
9. Be visionary. Think ahead. Use the past. Live in the moment.<br />
Create the future. Use your imagination. Become a visionary.<br />
Turn off your television and turn on your inner vision.<br />
Learn from others' successes. Learn from others' failures.<br />
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Everything you see was created in the past. Use the past but don't let it use you.<br />
Live fully in this present moment. Imagine your ideal future. Make it real.<br />
10. Use your time wisely. Live a balanced life. Be, do, have.<br />
Remember to take time to play.<br />
It encourages both halves of your brain to function so that your mind can inhabit and function in a<br />
bigger space. Plan, rehearse and then execute.<br />
Don't just spend all your time doing, without first being.<br />
Frenetic activity is the sign of those who choose to work hard instead of smart.<br />
It is those who spend as much time being and thinking as doing, those for whom 'work is play' that<br />
succeed.<br />
11. Speak your truth. Live your word. Say what you mean, mean what you say.<br />
Above average people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and below average<br />
people talk about other people.<br />
Talk about your truth, your ideals, what you desire to see manifest.<br />
Don't spend too much time talking about what is already manifest, what already exists. That just<br />
makes you average. Allow other people to live their lives. Don't waste your time talking about<br />
them.<br />
You may be advised not to talk about yourself. Don't listen. It is bad advice. Speak always, first<br />
and foremost, your own truth. Otherwise, you'll end up living somebody else's.<br />
12. Enjoy the journey. Be here now. Be in the present moment. Be a spiritual being.<br />
Happiness does not come tomorrow with the rising of the sun. It is only available now in each<br />
present moment.<br />
Slow down enough to enjoy this moment and each that follow will bring their own reward. Be<br />
grateful for all that you have right here, right now. You will end up having more to be grateful for<br />
in the next moment. Develop that attitude of gratitude.<br />
© Leslie Fieger. All rights reserved worldwide.<br />
Leslie is the author of The DELFIN Knowledge System Trilogy: The Initiation, The Journey and<br />
The Quest plus many more success publications. He also the co-author of The End of the World<br />
with Hugh Jeffries and Alexandra's DragonFire with his daughter Ashley. Subscribe to his free and<br />
ad-free eZine at http://www.ProsperityParadigm.com or http://www.LeslieFieger.com.<br />
61
HOW TO REALIZE YOUR WILDEST DREAMS<br />
According to Bill Gates there are 3 keys to success in any new venture:<br />
1) Being in the right place at the right time. (You could well be already there!)<br />
2) Have a vision of where the industry/business you're working in is going!<br />
3) Taking Massive and Immediate Action! (It is time to act!)<br />
"The future belongs to those who believe in the quality of their dreams." Was it Johann Wolfgang<br />
Von Goethe, the famous German poet and philosopher who said those wise words?<br />
Here are my 15 steps to fulfilling my wildest dreams...<br />
1. KNOW YOURSELF.<br />
Know and accept your weaknesses and faults (we all have them), but even more so your strengths,<br />
abilities and gifts. Build on your strengths and try to minimize or improve on your weaknesses. An<br />
honest, objective analysis of yourself is the first step in preparing you for success and realizing<br />
your dreams. Celebrate you for just being you, a unique creation.<br />
Aim for mental clarity about what you most want out of life. Think about it and write it down. If<br />
it's happiness, what do you mean by happiness: a sense of belonging, recognition, independence,<br />
love, money or security? If you don't know where you are and where you want to go with your life,<br />
how will you ever get there? Aim at nothing and you're sure to hit it.<br />
2. GET PASSIONATE.<br />
Don't apologize for getting passionate. What excites you the most? If you are not enthusiastic and<br />
excited about what you're doing, your path in life, you'll never get others to share your dream.<br />
Once you find your passion, you will have found your POWER, MEANING and PURPOSE in<br />
life.<br />
3. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PASSION.<br />
Always be aware. Negative people will poison your dream faster than anything else. Motto: "If<br />
you can't be positive, shut up!" Try and stay positive...even in the face of negativity.<br />
4. ACCEPT FROM THE START THAT YOU WON'T PLEASE EVERYONE.<br />
You're going to be misunderstood, misquoted, hurt some feelings, perhaps even lose some friends<br />
(for the time being). Motto: "What other people think of me is none of my business!" Repeat this<br />
statement to yourself, especially when you doubt or feel discouraged.<br />
5. ALWAYS BE YOURSELF.<br />
<strong>To</strong> thine own self be true. (Shakespeare's "Hamlet", act I.3.) This is supremely important, no<br />
matter what the world may think of you. The masses are conditioned to mediocrity and other<br />
people's success can make them not feel inferior for their own insignificant little lives.<br />
Accept yourself. Learn from others--but don't be intimidated by them, or pretend to be someone<br />
you're not; because... "We are most effective when we're being ourselves."<br />
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6. DON'T BE SCARED OF MAKING MISTAKES.<br />
The only real mistake is one from which you learn nothing. Motto: "Far better to try something and<br />
fail, than try nothing and succeed!"<br />
7. ACCEPT THAT IT WILL NEVER BE EASY.<br />
Realizing your dream may be the hardest, most uphill thing you'll ever do. A truth ... "You can't<br />
coast uphill."<br />
The key ingredient in success is never giving up. Keep on keeping on with your quest. It has been<br />
said that "success is 99% made up of failures".<br />
8. STAY HUMBLE.<br />
(no matter how successful you may be.) Don't ever think you've made it and arrived--there's<br />
always a lot ahead, more to do, higher mountains to climb. Motto: "The greatest way to do our<br />
thing has yet to be discovered!"<br />
9. DON'T UNDERESTIMATE YOURSELF.<br />
There is incredible power in yourself (in the form of the unique human mind), but far more so in<br />
the forces of the Universe. Make them work for you by living your life in harmony with these<br />
natural forces. Like positive energy attracts like.<br />
Enough "spiritual" thoughts! Back to the "real world" and you. Avoid developing an inferiority<br />
complex (Who am I, a 'nothing'?"). Don't be filled with feelings of self pity ("nobody likes me"),<br />
or think "I can't do it". These thoughts will steal your dream.<br />
10. HAVE FUN.<br />
Nothing is ever as bad as it seems--don't get too solemn, or serious or too downcast when things go<br />
wrong (as they surely will from time to time). Take a leaf from Thomas Edison's book: "I never<br />
did a day's work in my entire life: it was all FUN!"<br />
Laugh at life's funny moments... and there are plenty of them. "The secret of happiness is not in<br />
doing what one likes, but in liking what one does." -J.M. Barrie<br />
11. DEVELOP 'THE WILL TO LIVE'.<br />
There will be plenty of times when you'll face the death of your dream. When failures,<br />
disappointments, and criticisms come you need the will and faith to keep going. Remember: We<br />
learn far more from our failures than our successes, because failures show us what doesn't work.<br />
So, failure is just one step closer to ultimate success. Often the difference between failure and<br />
success is trying just one more time, picking yourself up off the canvas after being knocked down<br />
time and again.<br />
12. DEVELOP 'THE WILL TO HELP AND SERVE OTHERS'.<br />
Success on its own (i.e., for its own sake) will pollute and corrupt you--it's a dead end street unless<br />
you have meaning in your life. The years of struggle breed fortitude and character. The gold may<br />
be an inch away from the seam, where your fellow miners have given up. You need to succeed for<br />
a reason, a purpose, a cause that's bigger than you! and IF (a very big if) you've fulfilled all the<br />
above requirements...<br />
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13. ALWAYS BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR OPPORTUNITIES.<br />
They are all around you. There are no permanent problems--only solutions, possibilities and<br />
opportunities. The Chinese word for 'crisis' means 'danger' + 'opportunity'.<br />
14. DEVELOP THE 'WILL TO SUCCEED'<br />
If you truly believe in what you are doing, DEVELOP THE 'WILL TO SUCCEED with absolute<br />
commitment. It is not enough to just survive, aim at being the best you can possibly be! Keep your<br />
dream big, bold and even outrageous--don't water it down or settle for mediocrity... even if others<br />
think you are crazy! Trust in your judgment, your intuition and your creative mind to overcome<br />
any obstacles. "Be bold and mighty, unseen forces come to your aid."<br />
15. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM!<br />
Be patient. Don't be in too much of a hurry to achieve your goals and dreams. Be persistent and<br />
never quit. As the saying goes, 'Winners never quit and quitters never win.'<br />
Always remember, when you think you've exhausted all your possibilities, you really haven't--<br />
there's always another way, a better way...and even more importantly, there's always another day!<br />
<strong>Life</strong> is not a dress rehearsal, it's the main event. GO FOR THAT DREAM. It is within you and<br />
within your reach.<br />
About The Author<br />
Craig Lock has studied and written extensively on the subject of personal success and how to live<br />
your dreams. Craig is a writer, who believes in encouraging and helping others to strive for and<br />
accomplish their dreams. He truly believes people can overcome obstacles, rise to any occasion,<br />
and accomplish their entire dream with enough faith.<br />
Creative Writing Course: http://www.nzenterprise.com/writer/creative.html<br />
http://www.elkpublications.com/godzone.htm<br />
http://www.novelty-gift.com/<br />
Craig can be found accomplishing his dream at http://www.elkpublications.com/godzone.htm<br />
64
IGNITE YOUR SUCCESS WITH 21 ACTIONS<br />
Taking action is the strongest way to create success in your life. The following are the 21 Actions<br />
that you can take right now, to ignite the success in your life, business, career, relationships, or<br />
family. Take one or two of the actions that you are better at and practice them. Then, start working<br />
on some of the other actions. You will be surprised at the success that you will have when you start<br />
to take action.<br />
1 STOP the way you do things presently. <strong>To</strong> stop allows you the right to take inventory of what is<br />
happening in your life objectively and with clarity and then, when appropriate, to continue.<br />
2 DROP the assumptions that you make about other people and yourself. <strong>To</strong> drop your present<br />
way of doing things can mean starting anew or just altering the way you approach things. You<br />
start with as clean a slate as possible.<br />
3 EXPECT success. luck. fun. joy. love. what you truly desire. <strong>To</strong> expect creates sensitivity for<br />
the expected. <strong>To</strong> expect good things opens a world of opportunity.<br />
4 GIVE without expectation. without being requested. when you can and when you cannot.<br />
creatively and in new ways. <strong>To</strong> give is the gift of self-esteem. When one is truly comfortable<br />
with oneself, one gives effortlessly.<br />
5 BELIEVE the world is abundant. in yourself. <strong>To</strong> believe goes along with action. When you<br />
believe, your actions reflect the reality of your belief.<br />
6 THANK people who are generous to you, the world for what you have, yourself for what you<br />
contribute. <strong>To</strong> thank is to contemplate one's good fortune.<br />
7 VISUALIZE your goals. your challenges. your victories.? the path you are taking in life. <strong>To</strong><br />
visualize is to use all of your senses and to have experienced the act completely before it<br />
happens.<br />
8 ASK for what you want. others what they need. for help. <strong>To</strong> ask is not a selfish action. In an<br />
appropriate manner it is an act of progress, of clarification and of generosity.<br />
9 CREATE your world. new art, new projects, new thoughts, new writing, new music, new fun in<br />
your life and the lives of others. a safe place for others to exist. a fun environment for those<br />
you touch. <strong>To</strong> create is human and awe inspiring.<br />
10 LAUGH a lot. out loud. at yourself. <strong>To</strong> laugh is to always be selfless and to laugh at yourself<br />
as much as you laugh at humanity.<br />
11 DO Something. Anything. Doing will move you forward. Doing will get you out of your<br />
doldrums. <strong>To</strong> do something and, at times, anything can be the catalyst that keeps you going.<br />
Doing something means being active physically and mentally, not allowing yourself to become<br />
stagnant. The act of doing is the act of success.<br />
12 FORGIVE those who have wronged you. yourself. <strong>To</strong> forgive is to acknowledge and say<br />
everything is okay.<br />
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13 BE the success you want to be now. Play the part to make that the new norm. true to yourself.<br />
present in every moment for yourself and for those around you. <strong>To</strong> be in this sense is an<br />
action. It means you are actively present and in the role of yourself. Being means you are not<br />
lost in the past or in the future.<br />
14 LOVE those people around you. those who support you. your family. your friends. yourself. <strong>To</strong><br />
love is to open yourself up to those who are close to you and ultimately to everyone.<br />
15 FOCUS your efforts on your priorities, your goals, and your plans. <strong>To</strong> focus means your<br />
energies are not wasted or spread too thin.<br />
16 LEARN daily. <strong>To</strong> learn is to honour the capacity we all have within our minds. <strong>To</strong> learn<br />
exercises our muscle of thought.<br />
17 BALANCE your life for you, your family, your work, the world. <strong>To</strong> balance is to recognize<br />
your boundaries and to act in a way to not cross them.<br />
18 RELAX your body. your mind. <strong>To</strong> relax is the act of allowing our minds to catch up and<br />
organize themselves. <strong>To</strong> relax allows rest for our muscle of thought.<br />
19 EMBRACE your fear as a necessary part of success. change as the vehicle for new opportunity.<br />
new people as just that ? people. <strong>To</strong> embrace is a hug that is comforting yet confident.<br />
20 OBSERVE the world around you. the people around you. what you see, hear, taste, small, and<br />
feel. what your gut tells you. what your mind is thinking. the power of a relaxed, rested mind<br />
<strong>To</strong> observe is the willingness to be taught about your world and those people and things in it.<br />
<strong>To</strong> receive the 21st and most important Action to Ignite <strong>Your</strong> Success, please subscribe to Food for<br />
Thought, our newsletter that will make you stop and think.<br />
Go to http://www.mindscape.ca/subscription21.htm<br />
Paul has always researched and studied the fields of human performance and personal &<br />
professional development. As an engineer, Paul is extremely interested in how things work - the<br />
mind being one of the most fascinating. Paul has lived a life of opportunity and abundance, which<br />
has included living and working overseas in Africa and the Caribbean. He is a retired I.T.<br />
consultant and executive, a husband and father of 2 boys, and has conquered marathons, triathlons,<br />
and Mount Kilimanjaro. This wide background of experience has all supported his research. Paul<br />
lives a life of success by practicing the Mindscape Principles.<br />
For more information on Paul Frazer, his company Mindscape, his speaking programs, his book<br />
Stop, Drop & Re-Balance: A Self Renewal Manual or to contact him please call him at 613-264-<br />
3791 or visit his website at:<br />
http://www.mindscape.ca/<br />
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7 CHARACTER TRAITS OF SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE<br />
1. They are hard working. There is no such thing as easy money. Success takes hard work and<br />
people who are willing to do it.<br />
2. They are honest. Those who are successful long-term are the honest ones. Dishonest people may<br />
get the first sale, but honest people will get all the rest!<br />
3. They persevere. <strong>How</strong> many success stories will go untold because they never happened? And all<br />
because someone quit. Successful people outlast everybody else.<br />
4. They are friendly. Have you noticed that most successful people are friendly and people<br />
oriented? This endears them to others and enables them to lead others to accomplish the task.<br />
5. They are lifelong learners. Successful people are people who stretch themselves and grow<br />
continually, learning from all areas of life, including from their mistakes.<br />
6. They over-deliver. The old statement of under-promise and over-deliver became famous<br />
because it made a lot of people successful, including the richest man in the world - Bill Gates<br />
7. They seek solutions in the face of problems. Problems are opportunities to do the impossible,<br />
not just complain. Successful people are the ones who find solutions.<br />
About The Author:<br />
Chris Widener is a popular speaker and writer as well as the President of Made for Success, a<br />
company helping individuals and organizations turn their potential into performance, succeed in<br />
every area of their lives and achieve their dreams.<br />
<strong>To</strong> see Chris "live" at the upcoming Jim Rohn Weekend Event as he speaks on the subject of<br />
Secrets of Influence go to http://Chris-Widener.InspiresYOU.com/ or call 800-929-0434.<br />
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TOP SEVEN IDEAS FOR SUCCESS<br />
1. Any work activity, unless initiated at the earliest will not move ahead. Once you begin the work,<br />
you will appreciate its scope, likely problems etc. Procrastination and success are inversely related.<br />
2. Depending on the work, you have to work hard, in terms of extended work hours, physical<br />
labour or mental labour. Don't leave things as such citing exhaustion or some other trivial reason.<br />
3. Try to understand how you can source help from others in areas where you lack either time or<br />
expertise. Many a times networking help you to accomplish tasks within time frame, cost<br />
reduction, innovativeness etc.<br />
4. Work with real interest, then work is pleasure. If you cannot have interest, you are not doing<br />
justice for yourself or the employer, as the case may be. Understanding the task leads to innovative<br />
ideas which in turn generates interest. Compare and compete with colleagues and friends working<br />
with similar tasks, a sure way to work with zeal.<br />
5. Have patience till the time you feel, you have followed the above. Till then never loose patience,<br />
even if you have to start from the scratch, of course the boss should be willing to give you more<br />
time.<br />
6. Resist temptations that divert your valuable mental and physical resources, while on the task. In<br />
other words work with concentration. You can relax a while, but not get diverted to unrelated<br />
activity.<br />
7. Observe what others have done, their successes, failures, factors and reasons for the same and<br />
relate with your mode of operation. Filter the accessible best processes.<br />
The above provides just as a guide, and is not a generalized formula. It is out of observation and<br />
own experience, one can frame better rules and ideas for oneself.<br />
The author Holds a Masters degree in Agricultural Sciences and is cofounder of an organization<br />
involved in Nature conservation and sustainable development. The author can be reached at<br />
uravikumar@yahoo.com Visit http://www.geocities.com/uravikumar for more information on<br />
Kolleru lake.<br />
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7 THINGS YOU CAN DO TO REACH THE<br />
SUCCESS YOU TRULY DESIRE<br />
Ever have those days where no matter what you try life seems to be a series of one step forward<br />
and two steps back?<br />
Well today is the very best day to take charge of your life and develop strategies to achieve<br />
personal success. You will need to work hard and make a commitment to your personal success<br />
plan, but once you break the inertia you will find that small achievements will help you gain<br />
momentum, and each step forward will attract more success.<br />
1. Take a look at the one and only person responsible for your success- YOU. <strong>To</strong> be successful you<br />
must take complete responsibility for your actions. You can't pin your success or your<br />
shortcomings on anyone else.<br />
2. Develop and nurture a successful self- Start by smiling more, look to the positive side in<br />
everything. Don't list all the reasons why something is hard and you can't do it, find the reasons<br />
even if it is only one to start with of why you can do something. You must develop a successful<br />
persona to become a successful person.<br />
3. Make the decision today- Decide today that you will be successful. Praise yourself for past<br />
accomplishments, take stock of your strong qualities and work to nurture and improve those that<br />
are underdeveloped. You have a purpose and a mission you must sweep aside the negative clutter<br />
and define this purpose and begin today to fulfil yourself.<br />
4. Always begin with the positive- every morning you wake up, every time you speak with other<br />
people. Always stick with the positive. Associate with positive people. People who have also made<br />
the commitment to success. Avoid negative people at all costs. They will not only drag you down.<br />
Their negative actions and thoughts, their pessimism, whining, and complaining is a toxin and you<br />
need to steer clear of it.<br />
5. Visualize and write down how you desire to live successfully- think of the things that are<br />
meaningful to you. Things that give you pleasure, comfort, and fulfilment. Then being as specific<br />
as possible write down how you want to live. Don't listen to any of the negative, just concentrate.<br />
Write down every detail, where you live, what your house is like down to the decor. What you and<br />
your friends are passionate about, what kinds of community projects do you donate your time and<br />
money to. After writing everything down copy the most vivid and important things into a new<br />
journal. One you have chosen just for this. Make the journal come to life with drawings,<br />
photographs, magazine clippings, articles, and poetry. Images and words that will help your vision<br />
of a successful life crystallize in your mind. Look through this journal several times a week. Every<br />
day visualizing living that life. Make all of your actions in accordance with that successful life.<br />
6. Define what success means to you- Concentrate on what you are best at and what brings you<br />
satisfaction and fulfilment. Using your vision of how you want to live, write down and then read<br />
out loud what success means to you. Otherwise you won t know when you have achieved it.<br />
7. Study and make the commitment- Read books and magazines about people who are successful<br />
in your eyes, and ways to become more successful. Develop a daily methodical systematic<br />
approach to reaching your goals and take one step towards your success.<br />
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Keep your mind in the moment don't let it wonder to negative discourse. Focus your attention on<br />
your vision of success. With a resolute attitude you are well on your way.<br />
About The Author<br />
©BZ Riger-Hull. www.in-spiros.com For valuable free articles, assessments, & practical success<br />
tools mailto:A1@smartautoresponder.com Certified as a Success Coach, "Four Agreements"<br />
Facilitator, & Tele-Course leader We help you communicate powerfully, reduce stress,<br />
Strategically Attract success, & increase your financial well-being.<br />
bz@in-spiros.com<br />
70
BE A WINNER - TEN TIPS FOR SUCCESS<br />
Have you ever thought about how you want to live, and who you want to become? Everyone has<br />
different values and puts them in different order of priority, so what works for others may not be<br />
your own recipe for success.<br />
<strong>To</strong> remind yourself about what your life is all about, I recommend taking the time to write down<br />
ten principles that you consider most important. It is easy to get off-track at times, but if you keep<br />
your personal values in sight it is much easier live by them. (After all, what is the point in getting<br />
out of bed every day if not to live a life of value?).<br />
Selecting only ten principles is certainly difficult, but well worth doing. Mine are clearly visible<br />
from my computer where I work every day. Why don't you do the same?<br />
Petra's Ten Tips for Being a Winner<br />
Think big - dare to dream<br />
Give without expecting anything back<br />
Be persistent, even when it all looks too hard<br />
Speak positively about yourself and others<br />
Never stop learning<br />
Smile, even when no-one is looking<br />
Demand excellence from yourself<br />
Put people before projects<br />
Take responsibility for everything that happens to you<br />
Have integrity - always do what you say you will do<br />
(C) Copyright Petra Rankin 2005<br />
Petra Rankin used powerful techniques to beat her own long-term depression. She is now<br />
dedicated to teaching others how to be happier and lead more successful lives. Her first book Fast<br />
Track <strong>Your</strong> Success and Happiness is due to be launched in September 2005 and is currently<br />
available for download as a free e-book instead of paying $19.95. Limited time only!<br />
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THE AMAZING SUCCESS SECRET ANYONE CAN<br />
START USING TODAY<br />
<strong>How</strong>ever there is one success secret that costs nothing. And we can all use it today to get ahead<br />
more quickly. I am talking about cultivating exceptional people skills in a way that puts you ahead<br />
of the crowd, in a way that respects and honours the people you deal with in your life.<br />
Ironically when we neglect people skills the complex business and social infrastructure of our<br />
world can fall over in a moment. What do I mean?<br />
Have you ever walked into the store of a major nationwide retailer and walked through the<br />
multimillion dollar premises only to find nobody to serve you?<br />
Have you ever phoned your bank and got a busy signal or even worse got cut off despite their huge<br />
customer service focused advertising campaigns.<br />
<strong>How</strong> about in your workplace? Have you ever done a fantastic job, stayed late to get it done and<br />
felt taken for granted? The corporate slogan about caring for the welfare of the staff rings hollow<br />
after this happens more than once.<br />
On the other hand if you learn from the most successful individuals and companies you will find<br />
one trait in common -- excellent people skills.<br />
Here are three ways to become more successful by developing your people skills:<br />
1 Learn from people who manage to remain cheerful in the face of massive challenges and<br />
stress.<br />
A good friend of mine was on the verge of losing his business last year but you would never have<br />
guessed it. He was always smiling and confident things would get better. He somehow managed to<br />
still treat his staff well even when he was worried about running out of money.<br />
By listening to him and watching him cope with extreme financial pressure I learned a lot. His<br />
belief that everything would work out kept him smiling even while facing some very dark hours.<br />
You too need to become better under pressure. Anyone can cope well when things are going well.<br />
It is only when you shine under pressure that you prove to yourself and the world that you are<br />
destined for better things.<br />
2 Exceptional people skills happen at the margin.<br />
<strong>To</strong> go from average to good and from good to excellent is possible in a short time when you make<br />
incremental improvements each day.<br />
You do not need to change your personality or go on a two week course. Simply focus on listening<br />
skills, on non verbal communication and on building confidence.<br />
Read some good books, get advice from experts and apply what you learn. By making only very<br />
slight improvements where it matters most you will quickly develop exceptional people skills.<br />
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The very best performers in sport and in business are only marginally better than their closest<br />
competitors and these slight margins make all the difference between winning and losing.<br />
Aim to make marginal improvements in your ability to communicate with confidence and your<br />
results will improve dramatically. Now would be a great time to get started!<br />
3 Say what you mean and mean what you say<br />
Mark Twain famously commented that common sense is not that common and today sincerity and<br />
honesty are far from common either.<br />
You can stand out from the crowd by making a point of saying what you mean instead of saying<br />
what you think people want to hear. Insincerity is a game you can never win as you are always<br />
living in fear of getting caught out.<br />
If you follow through on what you say people will respect you for your integrity and you will be<br />
known and appreciated as someone who can be counted on.<br />
Be unusual -- hold yourself to a high standard of integrity and commit to saying what you mean<br />
and doing what you say you will.<br />
When you live like this each day other people develop confidence in you and in what you say. And<br />
success in the world gets a whole lot easier with a team of people who believe in you paving the<br />
road ahead.<br />
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10<br />
Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a<br />
limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm<br />
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HOW TO BEGIN YOUR JOURNEY TO SUCCESS<br />
Becoming successful requires a lifestyle change. It requires that you know where you are going,<br />
where you want to be, but most importantly, it requires that you know how you will get there!<br />
Before you begin your journey to success, ask yourself these questions...<br />
• What do I want in life?<br />
• What do I want from my business?<br />
• What is my objective?<br />
• What am I here for?<br />
• Where do I want my business to be in 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, 5 years?<br />
Once you have answered these questions write them down as if you have already accomplished<br />
your goal.<br />
Start in this manner.<br />
Figure out where you want your life to be 5 years from now. Don't hold back, this is the part where<br />
you figure out what your dreams are, what your ultimate goal is. <strong>To</strong> clearly understand this point<br />
we are going to use a real life story of how someone can accomplished his/her dreams.<br />
Let's take Adrian's 5 year dream for example, and let's help him figure out how he can accomplish<br />
his dreams.<br />
• Adrian was born in Brazil on September 14, 1973.<br />
• Adrian is 30 years old, he has never finished high school, and is now living in South Carolina,<br />
United States. He works at the Coca-Cola factory and makes $19,000 a year.<br />
• Adrian has always had big dreams, and wants something better for his life, he wants to have a<br />
6 figure income, and he knows that working at a factory is just not going to cut it.<br />
• He wants a big house ( $200,000 )<br />
• A swimming pool in his back yard. ( part of the house )<br />
• A brand new Cadillac Escalade ( $80,000 )<br />
• He wants to visit his home land ( $25,000 )<br />
• He wants to get married to his fiancée, and have a big wedding, they have been engaged for 3<br />
years and Adrian has not been able to afford a big wedding. ( $25,000 )<br />
Realistically speaking, there's no possible way that Adrian can afford to accomplish his dreams<br />
within 5 years, because in 5 years he will have only made $95,000.<br />
In order to achieve his goals he requires an additional $235,000, which would in turn require an<br />
additional 12 years working at the factory, not to mention his daily, and monthly expenses like<br />
Rent, Food, Bills, etc.<br />
Adrian, the optimist that he is doesn't allow the fact that he needs an additional $235,000 minimum<br />
to stop him from accomplishing his dreams. Adrian has a vision -- Let's fast forward for a second,<br />
shall we... The date is March 7th, 2008.<br />
Adrian just came back with his wife from vacation, where they were visiting Brazil for 1 full year.<br />
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As they arrive at their house, they see their Cadillac Escalade, and their 2007 BMW parked in their<br />
driveway. They are tired from the long flight and decide to go relax in their Jacuzzi found in their<br />
back yard. The Jacuzzi is just a few feet away from their swimming pool.<br />
As you have guessed it, Adrian no longer works at the Coca Cola factory, because if he did he<br />
wouldn't have over 1 Million dollars in his bank account.<br />
Most importantly, Adrian is happy to be alive and well as he now enjoys a luxurious lifestyle.<br />
Adrian has accomplished his goals and dreams, and is now living the life that he deserves, the life<br />
he has always wanted.<br />
<strong>Life</strong> is Good!<br />
Adrian knew that before he could accomplish his dreams, he had to have a clear vision of where he<br />
wanted to be, and who he wanted to become.<br />
Adrian knew that his job at the factory was not going to cut it, and was not going to provide the<br />
type of income that he deserved, therefore he began to research elsewhere.<br />
Adrian began researching the Internet in hopes of starting his own business.<br />
Since Adrian didn't have much time to design his own products, nor the resources to start up a<br />
company from scratch. He began researching for companies that could help him generate extra<br />
income.<br />
After failing over and over again, he stumbled upon a site that was going to help him create<br />
guaranteed monthly income. Since Adrian was new to the Internet he didn't know much marketing<br />
strategies, nor did he have any know how on where to begin. He than began to learn, follow, and<br />
apply the marketing strategies found in the company's marketing plan.<br />
Over the next few months Adrian began creating a healthy secondary income, and eventually he<br />
managed to quit his job at the Coca Cola factory and was on track to accomplishing his dreams.<br />
The dreams he always wanted for himself.<br />
Within 5 years, Adrian made over 10 times the amount of money he thought he needed to<br />
accomplish his dreams.<br />
Congratulations Adrian!<br />
<strong>How</strong> did he accomplish this?<br />
Adrian began learning everything he could about his company's marketing plan. When he realized<br />
that this company could realistically help him accomplish his dream, he began applying his newly<br />
acquired knowledge.<br />
Adrian had big dreams in mind, and therefore he had to go the extra mile in order to make sure<br />
they came true. He started designing a plan that was going to help him attain his long term dream.<br />
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The plan included short term goals, as well as daily goals to accomplish each and every day.<br />
The key to Adrian's success was learning and applying his newly acquired knowledge, as well as<br />
accomplishing his daily goals.<br />
Adrian's Plan:<br />
• Learn how to promote his business on the Internet<br />
• Learn how others have succeeded, and model after their success<br />
• *Apply what he learned *<br />
• Never Give Up!<br />
• Write a daily to do list<br />
• Design Short Term Goals<br />
• Design 1 Month Goals<br />
• Design 1 Year Goals<br />
• Design 2 Year Goals<br />
• Design 5 Year Goals<br />
• Accomplish what is found on his daily <strong>To</strong>-Do list<br />
• Accomplish his 1 Month Goals<br />
• Accomplish his 1 Year Goals<br />
• Accomplish his 2 Year Goals<br />
• Accomplish his 5 Year Goals<br />
• Accomplishing the above was the basis of how Adrian's dreams were accomplished.<br />
After Adrian accomplished each small step, he knew that he was one step closer to his long term<br />
dream.<br />
Adrian encountered a lot of obstacles along the way, and he never gave up. In the back of his mind<br />
he knew that one day he was going to have a big house, a brand new car, and would visit his<br />
homeland.<br />
Regardless of what obstacles Adrian faced along the way, HE NEVER GAVE UP!<br />
Adrian learned that the difference between those who make a 6 - 7 Figure income, and those who<br />
barely make a 5 Figure income, was that those who give up never succeed, and those who succeed<br />
never give up!<br />
What can you learn from Adrian?<br />
You decide!<br />
Dave Origano is a 24 year old entrepreneur that succeeded in the online world in merely 3 years.<br />
With the right mind setting he growed his wealth with millions. Want to own the techniques that<br />
he used to create these millions of dollars: http://www.TheMillionair<strong>Life</strong>.com<br />
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EFFECTIVE STRATEGIES FOR STOPPING<br />
PROCRASTINATION<br />
You will have the greatest success if you read the first newsletter and take some time to observe<br />
your own procrastination patterns. Once you have accomplished that, choose a few of the<br />
strategies outlined here. Keep working at it until you understand what you need to do to stop<br />
putting things off.<br />
Set Specific Goals<br />
The most effective goals are specific, measurable, and achievable. An example of a good goal is, "I<br />
will buy paint on Friday and paint the living room on Saturday." This is better than saying, "I am<br />
going to get the house ready to sell."<br />
Set Priorities<br />
Write down all the things that you need to do, and place them in order of importance. The most<br />
important tasks belong at the top of your list and the distractions go at the bottom. Start at the top<br />
of your list and work your way down.<br />
Organize <strong>Your</strong> Work<br />
Set up a system for yourself. Prepare a daily schedule and keep it within view during your working<br />
time. List the tasks for each day. Check things off as you complete them. When you are working<br />
on a project, lay out all of the needed supplies or materials before you begin.<br />
Divide and Conquer<br />
Sometimes a project is overwhelming if you think about all of the work that is involved. Do<br />
yourself a favour: Break the activity down into smaller steps and set progress goals for each of the<br />
steps. This is especially helpful when you are beginning a writing project, studying for a degree, or<br />
building a new set of skills. For example, if you need to write a report, make an outline before you<br />
start writing. If you have to clean your house, make your goal to do the first two rooms by 10:00,<br />
two more by noon, and two more by 2:00. Check tasks off your outline as you complete them.<br />
Make It a Game<br />
Turn the temptation to avoid working into a challenge. Use your imagination. For example, if you<br />
need to study the first five chapters of your history book, pretend that you are a substitute teacher<br />
and will need to lecture on the material tomorrow. Take notes and organize the information into an<br />
outline that you could speak from. Sometimes changing the frame around a situation makes it more<br />
interesting and less of a chore.<br />
Schedule a Small Amount of Time<br />
Tell yourself that you will only spend ten minutes on the task right now, just to get your feet wet.<br />
Work on the task for the ten minutes and then choose whether to continue for ten more minutes.<br />
Continue doing this until you decide to stop, or when you are finished with the task. If you stop<br />
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working on the task before it is finished, spend a few more minutes to plan a strategy for the next<br />
steps.<br />
When you are tempted to substitute a fun but unimportant activity (such as reading a magazine or<br />
watching the weather channel) for an important project (such as finishing pages of your report),<br />
make the substitute activity your reward for doing the important task. Do the high-priority job first<br />
and reward yourself with the fun activity.<br />
Ward Off Self-Defeating Thoughts<br />
Telling yourself that you are going to do a poor job or even fail can seriously undermine your<br />
ability to function. It is important to realize that your negative statements are not facts. Keep your<br />
focus on the present moment and the positive steps you can take toward accomplishing your goals.<br />
If these thoughts are based on a need for perfection or low self-esteem (described in the "Managing<br />
Perfectionism" newsletter), you may want to work on these issues.<br />
Make a Commitment<br />
Make a verbal and written commitment to completing the task or project. Write a contract and sign<br />
it. Tell someone about your plans and ask them to follow up with you.<br />
One trainer wanted to create a how-to workbook and market it to other training professionals.<br />
After weeks of procrastination, she decided to motivate herself by creating a deadline. She wrote<br />
an ad for the workbook and placed it in the professional publication that she knew her colleagues<br />
would be reading. When her telephone began to ring with orders for the workbook, she suddenly<br />
became very focused.<br />
Remind <strong>Your</strong>self<br />
Write notes to yourself and post them in conspicuous places. Leave them where you will see themon<br />
places like the outside of your briefcase, the bathroom mirror, refrigerator, television, your front<br />
door, and the dashboard of your car. The more often you remind yourself of what you plan to<br />
accomplish, the more likely it is that you will follow through with action.<br />
Reward <strong>Your</strong>self<br />
Reinforcement is a very effective way to motivate yourself. When you complete even the most<br />
minor task, be sure to acknowledge what you have done. This is especially important in the<br />
beginning when you are struggling with procrastination behaviours. After you have mastered these<br />
issues and have regained your peak productivity, don't forget to celebrate the completion of the big<br />
projects. You worked hard for it and shouldn't take it for granted.<br />
-----------------------<br />
Garrett Coan is a professional therapist, coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey<br />
office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic<br />
County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. Garrett also offers online and telephone coaching and<br />
counselling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through<br />
http://www.creativecounselors.com or at 201-303-4303.<br />
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THE POWER OF MIND-IMAGERY<br />
<strong>To</strong>day I feel inspired that I should speak more to the framework of a successful mindset. We've<br />
already discussed how to ignore negative thoughts and encourage positive thoughts by monitoring<br />
what we allow to dwell in our minds. We've also talked about the power of affirmations in<br />
changing our inner-talk to things we want in our lives. <strong>To</strong>day I think we should focus on how to<br />
use vivid imagery to obtain the things of our heart's desire. I call this "Mind-Imagery."<br />
Olympic champions and other high-performing athletes understand the power of the mind and the<br />
power of mind-imagery. They incorporate training for the mind as a part of their daily training<br />
regimen. Not only do they have strength-coaches and technique coaches, but they have mindcoaches<br />
as well.<br />
These athletes picture themselves making the throw, hurdle, move, stroke, etc. that brings them the<br />
Gold, and they truly believe that before they start a competition, they've already won it. In our last<br />
article, I spoke about Muhammed Ali and his use of affirmations. The reason athletes use mindimagery<br />
is because they know that what the mind believes, the body achieves.<br />
So if world-class athletes are using these techniques to succeed in their professions, why not us to<br />
succeed in ours? Let's talk about how we can use mind-imagery in our lives. It's important to note<br />
that the subconscious mind does not understand the difference between reality and imagination.<br />
What this really means is that we can show the subconscious mind pictures of what we want to be<br />
our reality and the subconscious mind will achieve it.<br />
If you are like me and millions of others, using mind-imagery may be hard for you. I've heard that<br />
the average person in the US watches more than six hours of television a day! Incredible isn't it?!<br />
But in light of that knowledge, it's not so incredible to see that many of us have lost our<br />
imaginative abilities. Granted, we may not have had many to start with, but with so many things to<br />
watch on TV and in the movie theatres, we no longer are required to use our imaginations at all.<br />
Because the pictures we show our mind are so important, it's no surprise to me that so many of us<br />
have trouble programming our minds for success. Only 4% of US citizens are truly financially free<br />
at retirement age! We have lost the ability to imagine ourselves achieving goals and being truly<br />
successful in the ways we desire.<br />
Because the subconscious mind uses pictures to manifest what we want, we need to learn to reprogram<br />
our minds by learning to use our imagination again.<br />
Let's start this by taking another look at the goals we have in our lives. We need to show the mind<br />
what it is that we want. What is it that we truly desire? Spend a few quiet moments meditating and<br />
imagining what those things would look like. If it is a dream home you desire, think about how the<br />
rooms are laid out and decorated. If it is a dream job, think about how your office will look, what<br />
you will wear, and the awards on your wall. Make a mental note of these images because we will<br />
be using them from now on.<br />
If you have affirmations, add pictures to them. If you have them memorized, add the<br />
corresponding pictures and hold them in your mind while you speak the affirmation. If your<br />
affirmations are written down somewhere, add pictures to the paper on which the affirmations are<br />
written.<br />
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For example, if you are affirming a million-dollar bank account and your dream home in the hills,<br />
find pictures of the home you would like to have, and find pictures of a bank vault full of cash and<br />
paste them onto the same sheet with your affirmations.<br />
"Chicken Soup for the Soul" co-creator Jack Canfield had some very important insight on how to<br />
supercharge the power of mind-imagery. He recommends that you use mind-imagery by imagining<br />
you are in a movie. In the quote below note how he recommends you see YOU IN the movie as<br />
opposed to WATCHING a movie OF YOU. He says, "If you're watching a movie of you, you see<br />
your whole body up on the screen. But when you're in the movie, you just see your own hands.<br />
You're looking out through your own face. You can't see your own face right now. We call this<br />
associated imagery versus disassociated imagery, which is more powerful to produce change. So<br />
whenever you visualize something you want, visualize it from inside of your body" (i.e. You In the<br />
movie) "what it would look like if you had it. Don't see yourself outside of your world. It's not as<br />
powerful."<br />
So, for the next two weeks, I want you to latch onto the images that go through your mind when<br />
you meditate and imagine how your goals would look when achieved. Then, continue twice a day<br />
with the affirmations, except for now I want those images you've selected to be included and to be<br />
a central part of your daily mind exercises. Make sure that you take Mr. Canfield's advice and see<br />
the images from inside your own body.<br />
I hope that your life already shows signs of powerful, positive change. I look forward to speaking<br />
with you again in a couple of weeks.<br />
<strong>To</strong> <strong>Your</strong> Success,<br />
Joel S. Nelson<br />
80
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO BE SUCCESSFUL<br />
What do you need to do to be successful? If you are searching the net you may feel that you need<br />
to sign up for the latest affiliate marketing programme. Or perhaps you need to be a member of the<br />
latest MLM scheme. On the other hand it may be that you need to follow the directions of the<br />
latest web marketing guru. Each of theses routes give you the opportunity of being successful but<br />
without courage, zeal and enthusiasm you will join the ranks of the 80% plus who fail.<br />
You need the courage to identify your dream. <strong>Your</strong> passion. You need the courage to stick with the<br />
process while you concretise your focus and then to stay the course when others are telling you<br />
that it is a stupid idea and will never work.<br />
<strong>To</strong> start your own business is difficult enough. It becomes virtually impossible when you select<br />
something that only looks good or looks interesting and you don't have passion for. <strong>To</strong> be<br />
successful you must identify your true calling in life. <strong>Your</strong> passion. Can you imagine what the<br />
result would be if you allowed your passion to be your focus in life? So. What is it that turns you<br />
on? What motivates you? What do you constantly talk to yourself and others about? What excites<br />
you?<br />
Once you have identified your focus, your calling, you now need zeal and enthusiasm to carry it<br />
through. <strong>To</strong> be successful. Zeal and enthusiasm is more than determination. It's about commitment,<br />
fun, enjoyment. Something you want to do because you believe in it. A natural way to reach your<br />
aim and objective in life. A belief that means you are willing to live with your dream 24 hours a<br />
day, seven days a week.<br />
You need to see life the way a sportsperson does. Can you commit to working day in day out with<br />
the sole purpose of working towards your dream? Can you keep going when nothing appears to be<br />
happening? Can you hold onto the slightest increase in your ability as a sign of success? Are you<br />
dedicated to continually improving your personal best? Can you believe in yourself and your<br />
passion enough to rethink the formula when the business reaches crisis point? Can you step back<br />
and honestly analyse your actions when you have just lost a potential sale or the time you spent on<br />
a marketing campaign was wasted? Can you be a totally focussed individual?<br />
<strong>How</strong>ever, zeal and enthusiasm alone are useless. It's like driving a car at full speed without<br />
knowing the destination. Alone they will not bring you success, but coupled with an aim and<br />
objective, a focus, a passion, a desire to constantly improve and courage then, like the<br />
sportsperson, the world is your oyster.<br />
When you do something you love doing, time is immaterial and happiness and personal growth<br />
naturally follow. You work because you want to and enjoy it. You are fulfilling your passion and<br />
boy it shows. People buy your enthusiasm, your excitement. They can see the excitement in your<br />
eyes; they can read it in your writings.<br />
• Look at your business and materials:<br />
• Do they show excitement, passion?<br />
• Would you buy from you, your site, if you were a customer?<br />
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The secret to success in life is simple:<br />
If you have the power of determination in your thoughts, every task is possible.<br />
Those who are successful in their chosen field have an extraordinary degree of self confidence.<br />
They know they are living their passion. The only thing on their minds is to be the best. <strong>To</strong> give<br />
their best at every opportunity. They know that the key to success is their mental toughness.<br />
What about you? There are no shortcuts. You can only be successful because you have a passion<br />
and the zeal and enthusiasm to work hard and conquer your inappropriate habits. The talent to<br />
focus and refocus your activities. The courage to stand out from the crowd. It's not the money that<br />
drives people to success it's the game, it's wanting to be the best. Do you have what it takes? Can<br />
you do what you need to do to be successful?<br />
Graham and Julie<br />
www.desktop-meditation.com<br />
<strong>To</strong> see more of our work please go to: www.desktop-meditation.com<br />
graham@desktop-meditation.com<br />
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THE 3-STEP FORMULA TO SUCCESS<br />
Believe it or not, there is a special 3-step formula that makes people successful.<br />
Unfortunately, you can't buy the formula. But if you could, it would be hotter than reality<br />
television shows!<br />
So, what is this amazing 3-step formula I'm talking about?<br />
Okay. Here it is:<br />
1. Have a goal.<br />
2. Do what you love.<br />
3. Have relentless desire and determination.<br />
That's it. That's the formula.<br />
Now don't be fooled by the simplicity of the formula. After all, if it were easy, everyone would be<br />
successful and we all know that's not the case.<br />
<strong>How</strong>ever, the formula is definitely viable for anyone whom religiously follows the steps.<br />
Let's start with the first part of the formula:<br />
(1.) Have a goal.<br />
Every ounce of human progress--our inventions big and small, our medical and scientific<br />
discoveries, our engineering achievements, our business successes--were first visualized before<br />
they became realities. High-tech satellites orbit the earth because scientists made it their goal to<br />
conquer space.<br />
So, what is a goal?<br />
A goal is an objective, a purpose. A goal is more than just a dream, it's a dream acted upon. A goal<br />
is more than just sitting back and "wishing you could." A goal is a clear-as- glass, "This is what<br />
I'm working toward."<br />
Nothing happens, no steps forward are taken, until a goal is established. Without goals, individuals<br />
just wander aimlessly through life under-achieving. They stumble and bumble along, not having a<br />
clue where they're going. So, as a result, they never get anywhere.<br />
Goals are as essential to success as air is to life. No one ever stumbles into success, without having<br />
a clear-cut goal. (Winning the lottery doesn't count). Develop a clear picture of where you want to<br />
go.<br />
Write your goals down and review them every single day. Formulate a game plan. Ask yourself<br />
where you want to be a month from now--a year from now--3 years, 5 years, 10 years.<br />
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Tape a picture of your goal on your bathroom mirror and on your refrigerator--whether it's a new<br />
house, a new car, whatever.<br />
Make visualizing and thinking about your goals a daily exercise. Because it is only by constantly<br />
visualizing your goals will they become a reality.<br />
And don't worry about setbacks, detours or little bumps in the road or big bumps either for that<br />
matter. Setbacks happen to everyone. That's life. Forget about it. Make the necessary adjustments<br />
and keep going.<br />
Up next is the second part of the formula:<br />
(2.) Do what you love.<br />
There's an old saying, "Do what you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life!"<br />
Do you understand what that means? It means if you work at doing something you truly love and<br />
enjoy, it won't really seem like work at all.<br />
Speaking from personal experience, I'm here to tell you that is absolutely the truth. Let me give<br />
you an example of what I'm talking about.<br />
A few years ago, I made it my goal to have a successful business on the Internet, even though I had<br />
no computer experience and knew absolutely nothing about the Internet.<br />
At that time, I didn't even own a computer. All I had was my WebTV and a boatload of<br />
determination.<br />
Well, my friends, to make a long story short, I'm happy to say that I've achieved that goal. And<br />
now I get to stay home all day, everyday and play on my computer, writing articles like this one<br />
and publishing my "Let's Make Money Newsletter."<br />
So, how did I do it?<br />
I went to the library and taught myself how to use a computer. I read book after book on how the<br />
Internet works and I taught myself basic HTML (very basic).<br />
Anyway, the bottom line is, I'm now doing what I love. Most mornings I get up at six o'clock,<br />
because I can't wait to get started. And most nights, I don't get offline until about eight or nine<br />
o'clock.<br />
Now by my calculations, those are 14 or 15 hour work days. But it doesn't seem like work to me,<br />
because I'm doing what I love. Those 14 or 15 hour days fly right by--and that's the whole point!<br />
"Do what you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life!"<br />
If you hate your job, find a way to do what you love so that you can quit. You may even have to<br />
work another part-time job or something to get to that point. But if you really and truly want it<br />
badly enough, you'll do whatever it takes.<br />
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Finally, we come to the third and last part of the formula:<br />
(3.) Relentless desire and determination.<br />
It is also the main reason why most people don't succeed. They don't have relentless desire and<br />
determination. I want you to commit the following words to memory:<br />
"Any success you achieve will be in direct proportion to your desire and determination. The more<br />
desire and determination you have, the greater will be your success."<br />
Here's another example to illustrate my point:<br />
Most people think it's Kobe Bryant's amazing talent that sets him apart from the other players in<br />
the NBA. And make no mistake, his talent does play a significant role in his success. But what<br />
really makes Kobe Bryant special is his "relentless desire and determination." He just wants to win<br />
more than everybody else.<br />
It's no secret that Kobe practices longer and harder than just about anyone else in the NBA, with<br />
the possible exception of Karl Malone. He also works out like a demon.<br />
But that's exactly what it takes. You have to be as maniacal about success as Kobe Bryant is. I'll<br />
repeat something I said earlier in this article:<br />
"Any success you achieve will be in direct proportion to your desire and determination. The more<br />
desire and determination you have, the greater will be your success."<br />
Now after reading this article, I'm sure many of you are wondering where and how to get started.<br />
The very first thing I recommend is a complete re- programming of your mind. Because before you<br />
can start walking down that road to success, you first have to get your mind right.<br />
In that regard, there are two books I consider absolute MUST reads, if you are at all serious about<br />
being successful in whatever it is you choose to do.<br />
The books are, "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill and "The Magic of Thinking Big" by Dr.<br />
David Schwartz.<br />
<strong>Your</strong> local bookstore or library should have both books, since they're all-time classics. If not, try<br />
Amazon.com. But whatever you do, make the investment in yourself and get those books!<br />
Another thing, if you're married or living with someone and you suddenly announce to your spouse<br />
or lover that you want to eventually quit your job and "do what you love." Don't expect a whole lot<br />
of support or kisses and hugs.<br />
Unfortunately, most people are conditioned to the "9 to 5, retire at 65," way of thinking.<br />
So, if you expect support and encouragement from your family and friends, you're probably going<br />
to be disappointed. That's just the way it is. Most likely, you'll probably hear a bunch of negativity.<br />
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That's the point when you have to stay strong and focused. Because chances are, you're going to be<br />
in this alone. That's why the mind re-programming is so important. It'll help you stay focused and<br />
positive. And if by chance you do happen to have family and friends who do support you, so much<br />
the better!<br />
Anyway, that's it. That's "The Amazing 3-Step Formula <strong>To</strong> Success!" You'll notice not once in this<br />
entire article did I mention anything about making more money. Why? Because "if you do what<br />
you love, the money will follow!"<br />
In closing, if you want to be successful, you must NEVER give up. You must NEVER quit.<br />
NEVER! No matter what!<br />
About The Author<br />
<strong>Dean</strong> Phillips is an Internet marketing expert, writer, publisher and entrepreneur. Questions?<br />
Comments? <strong>Dean</strong> can be reached at mailto: dean@lets-make-money.net<br />
Make Money Online! Internet marketing expert, <strong>Dean</strong> Phillips will help you make money online,<br />
starting today...Guaranteed! For details just visit my website.<br />
Website: http://www.lets-make-money.net<br />
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YOU BECOME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT<br />
http://www.inspiration4everyone.com/success/you_become_what_you_think.html<br />
1) Dream big; creative visualization (think about your dreams) mental rehearsal; and<br />
imagine yourself at 10 times today’s earnings.<br />
2) Do what you love to do; become better and better; commitment is starting point;<br />
commitment to excellence; and become the best at what you do.<br />
3) Focus on your strength - they’re unique; introspection - what are they; and ask people you<br />
respect what should I do.?<br />
4) See yourself as self-employed; be the president of your company; work for yourself; treat your<br />
company like you own it; and remember “if it’s to be, it’s up to me.”<br />
5) Never consider failure; life has ups and downs; learn from setbacks; and wisdom plus reflection.<br />
6) Clear sense of direction; clear sense of goals; work on them everyday; decide what you want;<br />
and what price you will pay.<br />
7) Develop workaholic mentality; 12 hours a day; 8 hours to survive; over 8 for investment; and<br />
try harder.<br />
8) Get around right people; positive, goal oriented and successful people; associate with winners.<br />
9) Be teachable; open to new information; do not be impressed with your own<br />
intelligence; be ready to learn; take in new information; and ask questions, and advice from people<br />
who knows.<br />
10) Be prepared to climb from peak to peak; valley between each (ebb and flow); up and down -<br />
always; and roll with it.<br />
11) Develop resilience; bounce back; and remember all peak performances bounce no matter how<br />
hard they hit.<br />
12) Unlock your creativity; do 10% better; demand your strengths; and stretch your originally and<br />
speed.<br />
13) Focus on continuous personal development; with books, tapes, seminars, reading, studying,<br />
listening, practicing, and developing your mind.<br />
14) Be an unshakable optimist; look for the good in every situation; confident expectations no<br />
matter how bad; expect to be rich; expect to be successful; you get what you expect, not what you<br />
want; and stay away from negative people.<br />
15) Dedicate yourself to serving others; people who give are the happiest and have the most;<br />
people who take have the bare minimum; top performers lose themselves in other peoples reward;<br />
and put value on your service.<br />
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16) Develop a reputation for speed and dependability; develop a sense of urgency - do it now; get<br />
on with the job; and act fast on opportunities.<br />
17) Be impeccably honest to yourself and others; honesty, truth, integrity and absolute trust in the<br />
foundation of our system; and always deliver on your commitment.<br />
18) Concentrate on one thing at a time; set priorities; concentrate on top task 100%; concentrate<br />
100% of your energy on one single task; what is the most valuable use of your time right now; do<br />
it 100% and then go on.<br />
19) Be decisive; make decisions quickly; think and act; characteristic of genius is to make<br />
decisions quickly; remember a bad decision is better than no decision at all.<br />
20) Back your plans and goals with persistence and determination; stick to it longer than anybody<br />
else; your measure of belief is yourself; persistence is a habit; and never quit.<br />
21) Self mastery; self control; self discipline; develop capacity to force yourself to do what you<br />
know you must do - when you should do it - whether you like it or not; and master key to riches.<br />
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HOW TO REMOVE OBSTACLES TO PERSONAL<br />
GROWTH<br />
Do you know how to calculate the amount of fear holding you back in life? Take a pen and a piece<br />
of paper. On top of the page, write down your current age, for instance "34 years old." At the<br />
bottom, indicate how old you intend to grow before you die. "Death at 80" is a reasonable target.<br />
Now comes the mathematical part of the exercise. Draw a straight line connecting your current age<br />
with your death. That line represents the number of days that you have left on earth. In our<br />
example, the difference between 80 and 34 leaves you with 46 years, that is, almost 17.000 days.<br />
The last part of the game consists of deciding how you are going to use those 17.000 days.<br />
Now, draw a vertical line on your page, which divides your future in two areas. On the left side of<br />
the line, you can write down safe and commonplace goals. On the right side, difficult and<br />
disruptive ambitions. The rules of the exercise allow you to list as many activities as you wish,<br />
provided that you don't run out of time to live.<br />
Boring projects are easy to name and quantify. They include, amongst others, looking for better<br />
jobs, cleaning the house and going on holidays. Don’t forget mundane tasks such as working five<br />
days a week, watching television, walking the dog, washing your car once per month and shopping<br />
for new clothes. When your remaining term of 46 years is up, you are dead.<br />
You only need to worry about the opposite side of the line if you have unused time, which is<br />
unlikely. The truth is that most people will allocate their complete lifespan to left-side tasks.<br />
What about the right side of the line? Does anyone actually write down adventurous, risky goals?<br />
Are there people foolish enough to risk total failure in order to pursue their dreams? Is it not better<br />
to stick to attainable objectives? This is the type of activities that usually come up under the label<br />
"difficult and disruptive:"<br />
1. Live in Paris for a year (500 days, including preparation and removals)<br />
2. Start up and grow a global business (3000 days)<br />
3. Write twenty great books (3000 days)<br />
4. Save and invest until you are able to live from dividends (6000 days)<br />
5. Learn to cook according to good nutrition principles (300 days)<br />
6. Lose weight and acquire habits that allow you to stay in good shape (500 days)<br />
One could argue that this game is useless, since it has no winner and no loser. Since the same<br />
individual appears on both sides of the line, what is the point? What is the purpose of the exercise?<br />
The answer is that, paradoxically, the subjects on each side of the line are different persons.<br />
One of them is boring, the other fearless. One of them is aimless, the other determined. One of<br />
them is predictable, the other exciting. The lesson is that, one day, the 46 years will be consumed<br />
all the same. At the end, results will be trivial or spectacular, meaningless or irreplaceable.<br />
If you don't like the outcome of your calculations, take a blank piece of paper, draw a new vertical<br />
line, and start the exercise again. After a few times, you will get quite good at it. At one point, you<br />
will begin to fear boring activities more than risky ones. If you are already there, congratulations,<br />
now you know how to win the game.<br />
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The Art of Obstacle Removal<br />
One of the best ways to go faster is to remove the things that slow you down. This "obstacle<br />
removal" is an integral part of many agile methods including Scrum and Lean. Sometimes it is<br />
obvious where an obstacle is. There are a few small things that can be done easily to go faster. But<br />
to get going really fast, we need to have a deeper understanding of obstacles... and the Art of<br />
Obstacle Removal.<br />
What are Obstacles?<br />
An obstacle is any behaviour, physical arrangement, procedure or checkpoint that makes getting<br />
work done slower without adding any actual contribution to the work. Activities that do add value<br />
to our work may be slowed down by obstacles, but are not obstacles in and of themselves.<br />
Obstacles and Waste<br />
Obstacles are the causes of waste in a process. There are many types of waste, and for every type<br />
of waste there are many possible sources (obstacles).<br />
Types of Obstacles<br />
Personal<br />
Personal obstacles are related to us as individuals. There are several levels at which these<br />
obstacles can show up.<br />
Outside factors in our lives such as illness or family obligations can become obstacles to our work<br />
at hand. These obstacles are hard to remove or avoid. Even if we would want to avoid an obstacle<br />
such as illness, it is hard to do anything about it in an immediate sense. <strong>How</strong>ever, as part of our<br />
commitment to the group we are working with, we should consider doing things to generally<br />
improve our health. Good sleep, healthy and moderate eating, exercise and avoidance of illnesscausing<br />
things and circumstances are all possible commitments we can make to the group.<br />
Likewise, we can make sure our personal affairs are in order so that unexpected events have the<br />
least impact possible. This topic is vast and there are many good sources of information.<br />
Physical Environment<br />
Obstacles in the physical environment can consist of barriers to movement or communication, or a<br />
lack of adequate physical resources. Sometimes these obstacles are easy to see because their<br />
effects are immediate. For example, if a team room lacks a whiteboard for diagrams, keeping<br />
notes, etc., then the team may not be able to communicate as effectively.<br />
Other physical obstacles are not so obvious. The effects of physical environment can be subtle and<br />
not well-understood. Poor ergonomics take weeks, months or years for their effects to be felt... but<br />
it is inevitable. A too-small team room can lead to a feeling of being cooped up and desperation to<br />
get out... and eventually to resentment. Again this can take weeks or months.<br />
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Knowledge<br />
A lack of knowledge or the inability to access information are obstacles. A team composed of<br />
junior people who don't have diverse experience and who don't have a good knowledge of the<br />
work they are doing will have trouble working effectively. There may be barriers preventing the<br />
team from learning. Common barriers include over-work leading to a lack of time or mental<br />
energy for learning. With junior people in particular, there is a lot of pressure to be productive and<br />
that can often be at the expense of a solid foundation of learning.<br />
Other times, knowledge-related barriers can be more immediate. If a critical piece of information<br />
is delayed or lost this can have a large impact on an Agile team that is working in short cycles. The<br />
team may be temporarily halted while they wait for information. Building effective information<br />
flow is critical to a team's performance.<br />
Organizational<br />
Bureaucratic procedures, organizational mis-alignment, conflicting goals, and inefficient<br />
organizational structures can all be significant obstacles.<br />
One of the best sources of information about this is the two books by Jim Collins: "Good to Great"<br />
(Review) and "Built to Last" (Review).<br />
Cultural<br />
Sometimes the beliefs we have about how to work can become obstacles to working more<br />
effectively. These beliefs are often in place because they have been part of what we think makes us<br />
successful. Cultural assumptions can come from our families, our communities, our religious<br />
affiliation and our national identity.<br />
In organizational culture, one thing I constantly see is a public espoused value of teamwork, but a<br />
conflicting behaviour of individual performance reviews and ranking. This is cultural. It is also a<br />
barrier to the effective functioning of an Agile team. For corporate environments I highly<br />
recommend the Corporate Culture Survival Guide by Edgar Schein.<br />
Dis-Unity<br />
Dis-unity is one of the most subtle and common forms of obstacle. Competition, legal and cultural<br />
assumption of the goodness of "opposition" and habits of interaction including gossip and<br />
backbiting all combine to make united action and thought very difficult.<br />
This is an extremely deep topic. There are many tools and techniques available to assist with team<br />
building. If you are interested in this topic, I highly recommend reading "The Prosperity of<br />
Humankind".<br />
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Eliminate Waste<br />
Waste is the result of activities or environmental conditions that prevent a team from reaching its<br />
goal. The opposite of waste is something that adds value (more, faster or higher quality) to the<br />
desired result.<br />
The whole notion of eliminating waste comes from lean manufacturing. More recently, Mary and<br />
<strong>To</strong>m Poppendieck applied this idea to software in their book "Lean Software Development: An<br />
Agile <strong>To</strong>olkit for Software Development Managers". In this (excellent) book, the authors list the<br />
wastes of manufacturing and the wastes of software.<br />
Here I have summarized and generalized these types of wastes so that they apply in any situation:<br />
The Seven Wastes<br />
1. waiting - caused by delays, unreadiness, or simple procrastination<br />
2. partially done work or inventory - caused by sub-optimal workflow<br />
3. extra processing or processes - caused by poor organization or bureaucracy<br />
4. defects and rework - caused by insufficient skill, tools, inspection or filtering<br />
5. movement of people or work - caused by physical separation<br />
6. overproduction or extra features - caused by working towards speculative goals<br />
7. task switching - caused by multiple commitments<br />
As wastes are eliminated or reduced, a team will function faster and with higher quality. <strong>How</strong>ever,<br />
not all waste can be eliminated. Sometimes waste is legislated, sometimes waste is an unavoidable<br />
by-product of work, sometimes mistakes are made, and sometimes it takes a great deal of effort to<br />
eliminate a waste.<br />
In order to eliminate waste, first waste has to be detected and identified, then the underlying causes<br />
of the waste have to be identified, and finally changes to the work environment need to be made to<br />
both eliminate the cause of the waste and the waste itself. Many agile work practices help with this<br />
process.<br />
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Value stream mapping is one particular tool that can be used by a team or organization to identify<br />
wasteful activities. The team describes the amount of time that work takes to go through each<br />
activity in their overall work process. Next, the team determines if each activity adds value or does<br />
not add value to the end goal. All activities are subject to speed improvements, and activities that<br />
do not add value are subject to elimination.<br />
In order to determine the causes of waste, special attention should be paid to incentives and<br />
motivations. Wasteful behaviour often exists because there is some incentive for people to do it.<br />
Sometimes these incentives are explicit, but sometimes they are the side-effects of other things<br />
going on in the team's environment. Changing the incentives can be an effective way of reducing<br />
waste.<br />
By eliminating waste, the team will find it has reduced frustrations, and enabled greater<br />
productivity and creativity. The team will also increase its speed and delivery of value, and at the<br />
same time reduce defects.<br />
Removing Obstacles<br />
The ability to identify obstacles and understand why they are causing problems is only the first<br />
step in removing obstacles. In Agile Work, the person primarily responsible for identifying and<br />
removing obstacles is the Process Facilitator. The Process Facilitator has several approaches<br />
available for the removal of obstacles. A process facilitator has similar responsibilities to a change<br />
agent.<br />
Direct<br />
Deal with the obstacle directly without involving other people. This can be as simple as getting up<br />
and moving an obstacle impairing vision, or as nuanced as running interviews and workshops<br />
throughout an organization to gradually change a cultural obstacle.<br />
Command and Control<br />
Identify the obstacle and give precise instructions for its removal to a person who will directly<br />
perform the removal. This can sometimes work if removing an obstacle takes a great deal of time,<br />
effort or specialized skills that you yourself do not possess. <strong>How</strong>ever, the overall approach of<br />
"command and control" is not recommended for Agile environments since it is disempowering.<br />
Influence<br />
Identify the obstacle and suggest means to deal with it to a person who has the authority or<br />
influence to get others to deal with it. This indirect method of obstacle removal can be slow and<br />
frustrating. <strong>How</strong>ever it usually has better long-term effects than command and control.<br />
Support<br />
Offer to assist and encourage the removal of obstacles that have been identified by other people. In<br />
many respects this is a very effective method. It can assist with team-building and learning by<br />
example. People are usually grateful for assistance.<br />
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Coaching<br />
Train others on the art of obstacle removal including obstacle identification, types of obstacles and<br />
strategies for dealing with obstacles. Observe people's attempts to remove obstacles and give them<br />
feedback on their actions.<br />
Creating a Culture of Obstacle Removal<br />
Encourage and measure obstacle removal at all organizational levels until it becomes habitual. In<br />
many ways this is the essence of the lean organization.<br />
Strategies for Dealing with Obstacles<br />
Diagrams are a great way of communicating the essence of a concept. Feel free to share the<br />
following diagrams with anyone (but of course keep the copyright notice on them).<br />
Remove<br />
Remove the obstacle altogether. This method of dealing with an obstacle is usually the most<br />
immediately effective, but is also one of the most difficult methods.<br />
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The best way to actually remove an obstacle is to get at the root cause of the obstacle and change<br />
that. This type of change results in the longest-lasting and most stable elimination of an obstacle.<br />
Move Aside<br />
Take the obstacle and put it in a place or situation where it is no longer in the path of the team.<br />
In a team's physical environment, this may be as simple as changing the tools that the team is<br />
using. For example, if the team is all in a room together, move computer monitors that are<br />
blocking team member's views of each other. If there is a useless checkpoint that work results have<br />
to go through, get management to eliminate it.<br />
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Shield<br />
Build a shield or barrier to hide the obstacle so that it's effects no longer touch your team.<br />
If a team is distracted by noisy neighbours, put up a sound barrier. If a team is unable to see their<br />
computers due to late afternoon sunlight, put up window shades. If a manager is bothering the<br />
team with meetings or tasks unrelated to the work of the team, then put yourself between the team<br />
and the manager (or get someone in upper management to do that).<br />
Shielding is excellent for immediate relief, but remember that the obstacle is still there and may<br />
become a problem again if the shield cannot be maintained.<br />
Transform<br />
Change the structure or form of the obstacle so that it no longer affects effectiveness.<br />
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In general, this method requires a great deal of creativity and open-mindedness. This is one that<br />
works particularly well on people who are obstacles: convert them into friends of the team!<br />
For example if the team needs approval of an expert who is not part of the team, this can cause<br />
extra work preparing documentation for this person and long delays while the expert revises the<br />
documents. If the expert becomes part of the team, then they are well-informed of the work being<br />
done and can give approval with very little overhead.<br />
If done well, this can be a very long-lasting method of dealing with an obstacle. Make sure that the<br />
transformation is true and that it takes hold... and beware that the obstacle doesn't revert back to its<br />
old nature.<br />
Counteract<br />
Find an activity that negates the effects of the obstacle by boosting effectiveness in another area.<br />
As a coach or Process Facilitator, this is what we spend our time in early in a team's adoption of<br />
Agile Work: we get them to work in the same room, use iterations and adaptive planning, we focus<br />
them on delivering work valued by the stakeholders as defined by the Product Owner. All these<br />
things are enhancing the team's ability to get work done without actually directly dealing with any<br />
obstacles.<br />
Watch out for barriers avoided this way to come back and bite you later on.<br />
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HOW TO BECOME ATTRACTIVE<br />
<strong>How</strong> attractive are you to your clients and customers? Are you attracting all the people you want<br />
to your business? <strong>How</strong> do you attract abundance in your life – in work, in friendships, in<br />
relationships? One of the best ways to attract others is to become attractive yourself.<br />
The late Thomas Leonard developed 28 Principles of Attraction that will help attract clients and<br />
customers to you. Here are the 28 Principles, from Thomas Leonard’s book, The Portable Coach,<br />
© 1998. <strong>How</strong> can you apply these in your life?<br />
1. Become Incredibly Selfish. Without You, there is nothing and attraction isn’t possible.<br />
2. Unhook <strong>Your</strong>self from the Future. Attraction works in the present, not in the future.<br />
3. Over respond to Every Event. By over responding rather than overreacting, you evolve,<br />
which is very attractive.<br />
4. Build a Super reserve in Every Area. Having enough is not nearly enough for You to<br />
be irresistibly attractive.<br />
5. Add Value Just for the Joy of It. When you add value because you enjoy it, people are<br />
naturally attracted to You.<br />
6. Affect Others Profoundly. The more you touch others, the more attractive you’ll<br />
become.<br />
7. Market <strong>Your</strong> Talents Shamelessly. If you’re embarrassed about what you do, you<br />
won’t be very attractive.<br />
8. Become Irresistibly Attractive to <strong>Your</strong>self. <strong>How</strong> can you attract others if you don’t feel<br />
irresistibly attracted to yourself?<br />
9. Get a Fulfilling <strong>Life</strong>, not just an Impressive <strong>Life</strong>style. A great life is attractive; a<br />
lifestyle is usually seductive.<br />
10. Promise Little, Deliver Everything. When you consistently deliver more than was<br />
expected, new customers are drawn to you.<br />
11. Create a Vacuum that Pulls You Forward. Being pulled forward is attractive; pushing<br />
yourself forward isn’t.<br />
12. Eliminate Delay. Time is expensive; using too much is very unattractive.<br />
13. Get <strong>Your</strong> Personal Needs Met, Once and for All. If you have unmet needs, you’ll<br />
attract others in the same position.<br />
14. Thrive on the Details. Subtleties, details, and nuances are more attractive than the<br />
obvious.<br />
15. <strong>To</strong>lerate Nothing. When you put up with something, it costs you; unnecessary costs are<br />
unattractive.<br />
16. Show Others <strong>How</strong> to Please You. Don’t make them guess.<br />
17. Endorse <strong>Your</strong> Worst Weakness. When you can accept and honour the worst part of<br />
yourself, you’re more accepting of others.<br />
18. Sensitize <strong>Your</strong>self. The more you feel, the more you’ll notice and respond to the many<br />
opportunities in the present.<br />
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19. Perfect <strong>Your</strong> Environment. The Attraction operating system is a sophisticated system<br />
and it requires a first-class environment.<br />
20. Develop More Character than You Need. Integrity is not enough to become irresistibly<br />
attractive.<br />
21. See <strong>How</strong> Perfect the Present Really Is. Especially when clearly it is not.<br />
22. Become an Unconditionally Constructive Person. High levels of respect are very<br />
attractive.<br />
23. Orient <strong>Your</strong>self Around <strong>Your</strong> Values. When you spend your days doing what fulfils<br />
you, You are attractive.<br />
24. Simplify Everything. Abandoning nonessentials leaves more room for Attraction.<br />
25. Master <strong>Your</strong> Craft. The easiest way to become successful? Become the best at what<br />
you do.<br />
26. Recognize and Tell the Truth. The truth is the most attractive thing of all, but it<br />
requires skills and awareness.<br />
27. Have a Vision. When you can see what’s coming, you don’t need to create a future.<br />
28. Be Real, Be Human. When you are human, You are attractive.<br />
On the surface, these points may seem obvious – but they are not easy to master and make them a<br />
part of your life. Each requires a lot of thought, action, and a strong commitment to yourself!<br />
Leonard said that one could make a big difference by mastering just 5 of the Principles. Which<br />
ones would You choose?<br />
Interested in learning more about the Principles of Attraction and how these can make a difference<br />
in your life? Send an e-mail to: info@infiniteperspectives.com with the word “Attraction” in the<br />
subject line.<br />
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MOTIVATING INTERVIEWING.<br />
EXCERPT OF A STUDY ON THE EFFECTIVENESS OF MOTIVATING<br />
INTERVIEWING.<br />
Research question<br />
Motivating interviewing has only been applied with persons who have an alcohol or drug problem.<br />
Probably it has already been applied to other target groups, but I couldn’t find any literature on it.<br />
Motivating interviewing describes an interview style, this would be applicable in the<br />
different settings. Inside the psychogeriatry you often see ‘revolving door patients’. The<br />
motivating interviewing should be an extra support to the other therapies in the<br />
healing. This process accelerates because the client is going to think more about what he wants to<br />
achieve. This will make him intrinsically motivated. This process will not only be acted by myself,<br />
but through the whole team. The continuity is hereby important.<br />
Target<br />
I focused on psycho geriatric clients who suffer from a reactive depression. This means along<br />
Cuyvers (2001) that a depression is caused by events from outside.<br />
As people age, physical and mental changes occur. They retire, they move home or<br />
they get institutionalised. This often happens without their approval. These are<br />
extremely confrontational experiences for the elderly. It gives a reaction with this<br />
person. Everyone reacts in his own way. Godderis, Van de Ven en Wills (1992)<br />
notice several forms of coping.<br />
Regression is a fall back on the primitive dependency feelings. The elderly will demand attention<br />
and grumble.<br />
Depressive position characterizes introversion, brooding, self pity,...<br />
Denying of the physical and/ or psychic decline.<br />
Acceptation advances when there is an accordance between the ideal about oneself and the reality<br />
of getting older.<br />
Motivation<br />
There are three forms of motivation according to Dhert (2002) and Van Laere (2008).<br />
1. The first one is intrinsic motivation, the goal of the activity lies in the activity itself.<br />
2. Next we have the extrinsic motivation, the person expects that the activity leads to positive<br />
consequences.<br />
3. The last form is the internalized motivation, it advances when a person wants to meet the rules<br />
and expectations of the environment. This is often present with the clients.<br />
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Motivation also has three components. The first on is readiness, the person knows what he wants<br />
and is able to make priorities. The second component is willingness, this is the degree to which<br />
someone wants change. The last one is ability, otherwise said the degree of faith that the client has<br />
in the change. (Miller & Rollnick, 2005)<br />
Motivating interviewing<br />
Motivating interviewing is an interview style. It is a client centred and directive method.<br />
It ‘s goal is to increase intrinsic motivation so that change occurs by exploring<br />
ambivalence and by solving this. (Miller & Rollnick, 2005)<br />
The general principles that are concerned are: the construction of a relationship of<br />
trust, the developing of discrepancy , the movement with the resistance and the<br />
support of the personal effectiveness. (Schippers, 2000)<br />
Inside the motivating interviewing are two marked phases. The first phase is the<br />
building of motivation to change. We do this by: asking open questions, listening<br />
reflectively, affirming the client, synthesizing and provoking language of change.<br />
The provoking of language of change can be among asking the miracle question (how would it be,<br />
if all your problems were gone?) or by looking back at the past, before the problem began.<br />
We also need to work on trust by looking back at earlier successes, underlining the<br />
strong sides and appliances, giving information and advice.<br />
When the client starts to get more notion of himself and his priorities (wishes), he can go to the<br />
next phase, which is amplify the involvement with change.<br />
The situation will be synthesized again so we can decide what has to be done, this is<br />
called recapitulation. We also have to ask open questions so the wishes and plans of<br />
the client will be provoked. The last thing we do, is give information and advice (when the client<br />
asks and gives permission). (Miller & Rollnick, 2005)<br />
Motivating interviewing is a paradoxical concept because the professional helper asks the client to<br />
go with him for a conversation. This is often an obligation. In this way it isn’t easy to get the client<br />
intrinsically motivated. That is why it is important to involve the whole team in the motivating<br />
interviewing. This will give the client the experience that everyone has the same attitude and he<br />
will develop faster.<br />
Change and resistance<br />
The model of Prochaska & Diclemente shows how a person will develop during his<br />
process of change. It has several phases. In the pre-contemplation phase the client has no intention<br />
to change something about his behaviour. He will display a lot of denial and resistance.<br />
When he passes over to the consideration phase, he starts to doubt his problem, but he places it<br />
outside himself.<br />
Thereafter he advances to the decision phase. He proceeds to change his behaviour,<br />
but he is looking for a strategy for change.<br />
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Hereafter he arrives in the action phase. In this phase he will literally change his<br />
behaviour and will decide in which way this happens.<br />
In the consolidation phase the behaviour will be made sustainable.<br />
The last phase is the decline. In this phase people backslide into their old pattern<br />
whereby they will go through the process again. (Schoofs, 2008)<br />
When there is resistance, we need to be alert so we will react correctly. This is made possible by a<br />
simple reflection, a strong reflection (reflect an exaggerated form of what the client says) or a two<br />
sided reflection (report the ambivalence). We can also change the focus, express otherwise (see<br />
information in a new light) and accentuate freedom of choice and self control whit the client.<br />
(Miller & Rollnick, 2005)<br />
Focus points<br />
These include certain elements which one must take into consideration.<br />
Restricted disease awareness and dementia result in the client not always<br />
understanding what one means. With these people a step by step approach is<br />
recommended so that not too much resistance develops .<br />
Transmission and contra transmission must be taken into consideration so that a good relationship<br />
can develop.<br />
Medication results in unpleasant complications, the client must be understood if he<br />
experiences problems.<br />
Basic attitude must be integrated so that the client can experience the motivating<br />
interviewing more quickly and so that it ‘s easier to apply. Thus it is the task of the<br />
colleges to apply motivating interviewing continually.<br />
Practical study<br />
I start with the client by taking an assessment, URICA (University Rhode Island<br />
Change Assessment). It measures the intrinsic willingness to change. By this test one can also<br />
deduce in which phase the client finds them self according to the phase model of Prochaska and<br />
Diclemente. As a result of this assessment I gain a better understanding of the client and their<br />
problem.<br />
After this I conduct various other sessions so that I can achieve intrinsic motivation<br />
step by step. The sessions are conducted with material so that the client is more easily able to<br />
speak about their problems and feelings. The sessions are insightfully organized and are therefore<br />
very demanding for the client. After this a discussion occurs so that one can go deeper into the<br />
matters raised by the client.<br />
I conduct six sessions in total, each session has a different goal. I work around the<br />
cultivation of trust, round coping or how someone deals with the events, round the<br />
creation of language change by formulating wishes and round situations where the<br />
client is little or much influenced. I lead the client on a journey of self discovery and<br />
confront him with himself by getting others to write down his characteristics. After four sessions a<br />
retest of the URICA follows to see if there is a marked evolution and to see what problems they are<br />
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now experiencing. After this I make a weekend plan with the client and ask the client to assess the<br />
therapy.<br />
It is also important to inform the team of the method being used. In this way the basic attitude can<br />
be adopted and the client will understand and accept the intervention.<br />
The execution of the practical was not simple. I had only one client that could complete the<br />
sessions because of prematurely resign.<br />
A client told me that she would change if she was younger. These people had already<br />
experienced so much change, that they were not willing to experience even more<br />
disruption. They attached much importance to the adaptation of the environment.<br />
Only in the correct environment could they fully develop and feel better about them self. I also<br />
noted that there were secondary pathologies, these made the intervention no easier. The continuity<br />
of motivating interviewing is still useful with these target group.<br />
It is also handy to make adaptations during the sessions and to give extra confirmation at the client.<br />
The willingness for participation at the therapy is remarkable different for each one.<br />
They have different reasons.<br />
Clients in the action phase can be motivated easier by concrete tasks and are capable to formulate<br />
their own wishes.<br />
Conclusion<br />
<strong>To</strong> go back to my research question I can conclude that motivating interviewing gives the client<br />
more insight into them self and their ideas. The client knows what he wants, but this is not always<br />
easy to achieve. The older clients will only change if their environment changes. Then and only<br />
then can they fully develop and participate with full enthusiasm.<br />
The goal of the therapies must be clear to motivate people.<br />
There are therefore an accumulation of factors, that insure that the client is intrinsically motivated<br />
to participate.<br />
I have experienced that motivating interviewing is an uplifting interview style. Though it must be<br />
said it is not self–evident because you must be aware of the different signals and your own reaction<br />
to the signals.<br />
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This material is copyrighted 1997 by Journey of Hearts A Healing<br />
Place in Cyberspace.<br />
Everybody is invited however to share this information with others who may<br />
benefit, but should share from the heart only and not for profit.<br />
<strong>How</strong> to live a Happy and Rewarding <strong>Life</strong><br />
Watch Butterflies or Birds.<br />
Be grateful for good health.<br />
Don't interrupt.<br />
Don't tailgate.<br />
Keep it simple.<br />
Enjoy good company.<br />
Keep your promises.<br />
Listen to your children.<br />
Be a good loser.<br />
Be a better winner.<br />
Be romantic.<br />
Take a nap on Sunday afternoon.<br />
Never deprive someone of hope.<br />
Be thankful for every meal.<br />
Never be afraid to say, "I'm Sorry."<br />
Improve your performance by improving your attitude.<br />
Wave at children on the school bus.<br />
Leave everything a little better than when you found it.<br />
Leave the toilet seat in the down position.<br />
Take time to smell the roses.<br />
Be kinder than necessary.<br />
Wear outrageous underwear on a job interview, or to work!<br />
Take good care of those you love.<br />
Make it a habit to do nice things for people who never find out.<br />
Judge your success by the degree that you enjoy peace and good health.<br />
Don't expect that money will bring you happiness<br />
Enjoy a glass of good wine.<br />
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Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity,<br />
they think of you.<br />
Never refuse home made cookies.<br />
Remember other people's birthdays.<br />
Sing in the shower.<br />
Resist gossip.<br />
Don't nag.<br />
Say "THANK YOU" a lot.<br />
Take care of your reputation; it is your most valuable asset.<br />
Take your dog to obedience school.<br />
Slow dance.<br />
Don't rain on other people's parade.<br />
Don't postpone joy.<br />
Whistle.<br />
Call your mother.<br />
Do more than what is expected of you.<br />
Be someone's hero.<br />
Count your blessings...daily.<br />
Enjoy a sunrise, sunset.<br />
Author Unknown - Last updated January 19, 1998<br />
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THE FIVE RULES OF HAPPINESS<br />
(by Burt Goldman )<br />
What is it that makes a person happy?<br />
It is important to realize, that what makes you happy might depress another person. There are<br />
people who feel unhappy when they should be happy. Often because of guilt, a feeling they do not<br />
deserve what they have, or because of fear that they will lose what they have. Possessions are a<br />
poor measure of happiness. Possessions are subjective and relative to the individual and the<br />
individual’s viewpoint.<br />
It is better therefore to use a philosophy. For example the philosophy to enjoy the things<br />
you like, avoid or change the things you do not like, and accept what<br />
you cannot avoid or change by the skilful use of your viewpoint. The use of this<br />
philosophy, as embodied in the five rules, will allow you to test many problem areas in your life<br />
and find solutions. With this philosophy, you will be well on your way on your pursuit of<br />
happiness.<br />
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1. Pursuit of Happiness - Rule Number One:<br />
If You Like a Thing, Enjoy It.<br />
Now that seems outrageously simple. At first you might say, “That’s ridiculous, of course if I like<br />
something, I’m going to enjoy it.” But when you stop to think about it you’ll probably agree that<br />
there are many things in life that we like but don’t enjoy. The reasons we don’t enjoy things we<br />
like are (a) guilt, and (b) fear. You will not enjoy something you like if you feel guilty after having<br />
done the thing, or if you are fearful of the consequences of doing it.<br />
2. Pursuit of Happiness - Rule Number Two:<br />
If You Don’t Like a Thing, Avoid It.<br />
The second rule seems simple enough, but reflect for a moment on how many people are involved<br />
with things they do not like — a job, a person, a vehicle, a type of food, any one of a thousand<br />
things — and for some reason they don’t avoid those things. “Well, I can’t avoid it. I have to work<br />
there because I need the money.” Or, “I have to be involved with this person for many valid<br />
reasons.” <strong>How</strong> many justifications can you think of for not avoiding the things you do not like to<br />
do?<br />
3. Pursuit of Happiness - Rule Number Three:<br />
If You Don’t Like a Thing, and You Cannot Avoid It, Change It.<br />
Here again, the answer is simple: change it. But just as in avoidance we rationalize that we need<br />
something about it — the money, the time, the security — something is holding you to that<br />
particular thing if you don’t like it, cannot avoid it, won’t change it, but are still involved with it.<br />
4. Pursuit of Happiness - Rule Number Four:<br />
If You Don’t Like a Thing, Cannot Avoid It, and Cannot or will Not Change It,<br />
Accept It.<br />
Acceptance — now there is a catch. <strong>How</strong> can you accept something you don’t like? <strong>How</strong> in the<br />
world do you accept something that is 'unacceptable'? <strong>How</strong> do you accept a situation that you’re<br />
not happy with? <strong>How</strong> do you accept a person that you’re not happy with?<br />
Well, you really don’t have to accept anything; you can, of course, be unhappy. If you don’t like it,<br />
won’t change it, cannot avoid it, and will not accept it, I guarantee that you will be unhappy.<br />
There are, however, five rules to the secret of happiness, and within the fifth lies the key.<br />
5. Rule Number Five:<br />
You Accept a Thing By Changing <strong>Your</strong> Attitude <strong>To</strong>wards It.<br />
You are the result of your viewpoints and attitudes. Everything is relative to the person<br />
experiencing it. There are no absolutes — nothing is good, nothing bad, except as it relates to you.<br />
Nor is life good or bad. <strong>Life</strong> simply is. You change those things you wish by changing your<br />
viewpoint about them. <strong>How</strong> easy! - <strong>How</strong> difficult!<br />
<strong>Your</strong> attitudes and viewpoints are all part of your mind and once you develop the power of self<br />
mind control you will be the master of your own attitudes and viewpoints. The Power of Self Mind<br />
Control will show you how to go to the meditative level and using these five rules, you’ll find<br />
yourself on the right path on the pursuit of happiness. You’ll realize why people are unhappy.<br />
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Eventually it will become automatic, and you’ll find happiness a predominant state of mind. Once<br />
you realize the ease of acquiring this emotion, you develop an entirely new scale of highs and<br />
lows.<br />
Unremitting happiness, of course, is not a possible or desirable state. According to the principle of<br />
rhythm, there is always an inflow and outflow, an ebb tide and a flood tide. You’ll always have<br />
highs and lows — there’s no way to avoid that. <strong>How</strong>ever, your highs will be higher and your lows<br />
will be higher. You’ll then find that what is a happy state for you might be a state of depression for<br />
someone unaware of the Five Rules of Happiness.<br />
____________________<br />
The above article is a beautiful chapter from Burt Goldman's book, "The Power of Self Mind<br />
Control." You can learn more about his latest book at http://www.SelfMindControl.com Burt<br />
Goldman has also been a Silva Mind instructor teaching techniques to make the rest of your life<br />
the best of your life. <strong>To</strong> learn about Silva seminars near you just visit<br />
http://www.silvaultramindsystem.com<br />
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TOP SEVEN STRATEGIES TO BECOME THE BEST<br />
AT WHAT YOU DO<br />
By lee kariuki / adapted by <strong>Dean</strong> <strong>Amory</strong><br />
<strong>To</strong>day in life we are constantly faced with challenges: “do this, do that, try this, try that …”<br />
Believe me, the road to success and happiness is not to follow everything that everyone tells you to<br />
do!<br />
First thing you should do, is take back control of your own life. You are an individual person, with<br />
a unique identity. <strong>Your</strong> Road to success and happiness is the road that You will build, not the ones<br />
others built for you. Here are 7 important tips that I use on a consistent basis that have never failed<br />
me and I know they won't fail you either if you follow them with a precision!<br />
1. FIND OUT WHAT YOU LIKE TO DO!<br />
We have heard this repeated over and over and over: <strong>Life</strong> is beautiful! <strong>Life</strong> is abundance! <strong>Life</strong> is<br />
happiness! So why would you spend an extra minute, if not a lifetime, doing what you dread?<br />
Strike a balance, my friend! <strong>Your</strong> job may not be ideal, but for the time being, it supplies you with<br />
an income. So, for now: Do this job while you work on what you really love doing! I have come to<br />
believe that you can make a decent income in whatever you like to. But of course, you need to start<br />
with the beginning and find out what it is you would really love to do! So for you to find happiness<br />
enriched with longevity, my first tip is that you should absolutely find what it is that you love to do<br />
passionately.<br />
2. PERFECT YOUR PASSION<br />
Once you found your passion, make it your passion! Stop wasting time and energy: focus on<br />
becoming always better in your chosen field. Read what you need to read! The world’s best<br />
specialists are at your disposal. You will be amazed at the abundance of resources out there: The<br />
library, the internet, magazines, seminaries, courses, … the list is endless. Use this wealth of<br />
information! Do your homework! And once you got started: find people with the same passion,<br />
talk about your passion, live your passion! <strong>Your</strong> zeal and desire for perfection will draw attention<br />
to you and soon you will discover opportunities to enhance your life by offering you the possibility<br />
to spend most of your time doing things you love to do.<br />
3. BE CONSISTENT<br />
I can not over emphasize this! I am amazed at how correct my predictions about the outcome of<br />
soccer games are! Believe me: it is no coincidence that the team that keeps taking shots at the<br />
goalkeeper most of the time also wins the game. No matter what the weather is, keep on doing<br />
what brings love and happiness to your heart! You may fail at times, but take failure only for what<br />
it is: a lesson! No sportsman ever beat a record at his first try. It takes intelligence, time, energy,<br />
commitment and confidence to keep studying and experimenting until you become as good as you<br />
want to be!<br />
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4. MONEY SHOULD NOT BE YOUR ONLY DRIVING FORCE<br />
There are things that we do simply because we want to get paid! Nothing wrong with that, but if<br />
money is the only reason why you are doing what you do, then the chance it making you happy<br />
and bringing you lasting success is very small. Let the perfection flow and the money will come! I<br />
PROMISE you!<br />
5. MONITOR YOUR THOUGHTS<br />
Focus on the end result! Regardless of the path, the destination is of the only thing that should<br />
matter!<br />
Don’t allow negativity into your life, keep your goal in mind, make it your true intention and don't<br />
worry to much about the path!<br />
6. ELIMINATE FEAR<br />
Don't let fear be the reason you do things you have no intention to do! Instead let fear be your<br />
driving force!<br />
7. HAVE FUN!<br />
Whatever you do, make sure<br />
you are enjoying it to the<br />
fullest! Don’t waste your time<br />
doing things you don’t enjoy;<br />
don’t waste your time making<br />
things that you do not enjoy<br />
yourself; don’t waste your<br />
time offering services you<br />
don’t believe in. You cannot<br />
sincerely hope to become<br />
happy by doing things that you<br />
don’t feel good about, can<br />
you? You cannot possibly<br />
hope to become successful in a<br />
field that you don’t even like<br />
and enjoy yourself, can you ?<br />
http://www.the-reflexions.com<br />
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60 SMALL WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE IN THE<br />
NEXT 100 DAYS<br />
By: Marelisa Fabrega<br />
Marelisa Fabrega holds a Bachelor of Science in Business Administration from Georgetown University<br />
in Washington, D.C., as well as a Juris Doctor from the Georgetown University Law Centre. She lives in<br />
the Republic of Panama. Marelisa blogs about creativity, productivity, and getting the most out of life<br />
over at Abundance Blog at Marelisa Online. She's the author of the eBooks "<strong>How</strong> to Live <strong>Your</strong> Best<br />
<strong>Life</strong> - The Essential Guide for Creating and Achieving <strong>Your</strong> <strong>Life</strong> List", and "Make It Happen! A<br />
Workbook for Overcoming Procrastination and Getting the Right Things Done".<br />
____________________________________________________________________________________<br />
Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to make drastic changes in order to notice an improvement in<br />
the quality of your life. At the same time, you don’t need to wait a long time in order to see the<br />
measurable results that come from taking positive action. All you have to do is take small steps, and take<br />
them consistently, for a period of 100 days.<br />
Below you’ll find 60 small ways to improve all areas of your life in the next 100 days.<br />
Home<br />
1. Create a “100 Days to Conquer Clutter Calendar” by pencilling in one group of items you plan to<br />
declutter every day, for the next 100 days. Here’s an example:<br />
Day 1: Declutter Magazines<br />
Day 2: Declutter DVD’s<br />
Day 3: Declutter books<br />
Day 4: Declutter kitchen appliances<br />
2. Live by the mantra: a place for everything and everything in its place. For the next 100 days follow<br />
these four rules to keep your house in order:<br />
1/ If you take it out, put it back.<br />
2/ If you open it, close it.<br />
3/ If you throw it down, pick it up.<br />
4/ If you take it off, hang it up.<br />
3. Walk around your home and identify 100 things you’ve been tolerating; fix one each day. Here are<br />
some examples:<br />
• A burnt light bulb that needs to be changed.<br />
• A button that’s missing on your favourite shirt.<br />
• The fact that every time you open your top kitchen cabinet all of the plastic food containers fall<br />
out.<br />
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Happiness<br />
4. Follow the advice proffered by positive psychologists and write down 5 to 10 things that you’re<br />
grateful for, every day.<br />
5. Make a list of 20 small things that you enjoy doing, and make sure that you do at least one of these<br />
things every day for the next 100 days. <strong>Your</strong> list can include things such as the following:<br />
• Eating your lunch outside.<br />
• Calling your best friend to chat.<br />
• Taking the time to sit down and read a novel by your favourite author for a few minutes.<br />
6. Keep a log of your mental chatter, both positive and negative, for ten days. Be as specific as possible:<br />
• <strong>How</strong> many times do you beat yourself up during the day?<br />
• Do you have feelings of inadequacy?<br />
• Are you constantly thinking critical thoughts of others?<br />
• <strong>How</strong> many positive thoughts do you have during the day?<br />
Also, make a note of the emotions that accompany these thoughts. Then, for the next 90 days, begin<br />
changing your emotions for the better by modifying your mental chatter.<br />
7. For the next 100 days, have a good laugh at least once a day: get one of those calendars that has a<br />
different joke for every day of the year, or stop by a web site that features your favourite cartoons.<br />
Learning/Personal Development<br />
8. Choose a book that requires effort and concentration and read a little of it every day, so that you read<br />
it from cover to cover in 100 days.<br />
9. Make it a point to learn at least one new thing each day: the name of a flower that grows in your<br />
garden, the capital of a far-off country, or the name of a piece of classical music you hear playing in<br />
your favourite clothing boutique as you shop. If it’s time for bed and you can’t identify anything you’ve<br />
learned that day, take out your dictionary and learn a new word.<br />
10. Stop complaining for the next 100 days. A couple of years back, Will Bowen gave a purple rubber<br />
bracelet to each person in his congregation to remind them to stop complaining. “Negative talk produces<br />
negative thoughts; negative thoughts produce negative results”, says Bowen. For the next 100 days,<br />
whenever you catch yourself complaining about anything, stop yourself.<br />
11. Set your alarm a minute earlier every day for the next 100 days. Then make sure that you get out of<br />
bed as soon as your alarm rings, open the windows to let in some sunlight, and do some light stretching.<br />
In 100 days you’ll be waking up an hour and forty minutes earlier than you’re waking up now.<br />
12. For the next 100 days, keep Morning Pages, which is a tool suggested by Julia Cameron. Morning<br />
Pages are simply three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the<br />
morning.<br />
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13. For the next 100 days make it a point to feed your mind with the thoughts, words, and images that<br />
are most consistent with who you want to be, what you want to have, and what you want to achieve.<br />
Finances<br />
14. Create a spending plan (also known as a budget). Track every cent that you spend for the next 100<br />
days to make sure that you’re sticking to your spending plan.<br />
15. Scour the internet for frugality tips, choose ten of the tips that you find, and apply them for the next<br />
100 days. Here are some possibilities:<br />
• Go to the grocery store with cash and a calculator instead of using your debit card.<br />
• Take inventory before going to the grocery store to avoid buying repeat items.<br />
• Scale back the cable.<br />
• Ask yourself if you really need a landline telephone.<br />
• Consolidate errands into one trip to save on gas.<br />
• Keep track of how much money you save over the next 100 days by applying these tips.<br />
16. For the next 100 days, pay for everything with paper money and keep any change that you receive.<br />
Then, put all of your change in a jar and see how much money you can accumulate in 100 days.<br />
17. Don’t buy anything that you don’t absolutely need for 100 days. Use any money you save by doing<br />
this to do one of the following:<br />
• Pay down your debt, if you have any.<br />
• Put it toward your six month emergency fund.<br />
• Start setting aside money to invest.<br />
8. Set an hour aside every day for the next 100 days to devote to creating one source of passive income.<br />
Time Management<br />
19. For the next 100 days, take a notebook with you everywhere in order to keep your mind decluttered.<br />
Record everything, so that it’s safely stored in one place—out of your head—where you can decide what<br />
to do with it later. Include things such as the following:<br />
• Ideas for writing assignments.<br />
• Appointment dates.<br />
• <strong>To</strong> Do list items<br />
20. Track how you spend your time for 5 days. Use the information that you gather in order to create a<br />
time budget: the percentage of your time that you want to devote to each activity that you engage in on a<br />
regular basis. This can include things such as:<br />
• Transportation<br />
• Housework<br />
• Leisure<br />
• Income-Generating Activities<br />
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Make sure that you stick to your time budget for the remaining 95 days.<br />
21. Identify one low-priority activity which you can stop doing for the next 100 days, and devote that<br />
time to a high priority task instead.<br />
22. Identify five ways in which you regularly waste time, and limit the time that you’re going to spend<br />
on these activities each day, for the next 100 days. Here are three examples:<br />
• Watch no more than half-an-hour of television a day.<br />
• Spend no more than half-an-hour each day on social media sites, such as Facebook, Twitter, and<br />
Stumbleupon.<br />
• Spend no more than twenty minutes a day playing video games.<br />
23. For the next 100 days, stop multi-tasking; do one thing at a time without distractions.<br />
24. For the next 100 days, plan your day the night before.<br />
25. For the next 100 days, do the most important thing on your <strong>To</strong>-Do list first, before you do anything<br />
else.<br />
26. For the next 14 weeks, conduct a review of each week. During your weekly review, answer the<br />
following:<br />
• What did you accomplish?<br />
• What went wrong?<br />
• What went right?<br />
27. For the next 100 days, spend a few minutes at the end of each day organizing your desk, filing<br />
papers, and making sure that your work area is clean and orderly, so that you can walk in to a neat desk<br />
the next day.<br />
28. Make a list of all of the commitments and social obligations that you have in the next 100 days.<br />
Then, take out a red pen and cross out anything that does not truly bring you joy or help move you along<br />
the path to achieving your main life goals.<br />
29. For the next 100 days, every time that you switch to a new activity throughout the day stop and ask<br />
yourself, “Is this the best use of my time at this moment?”<br />
Health<br />
30. Losing a pound of fat requires burning 3500 calories. If you reduce your caloric intake by 175<br />
calories a day for the next 100 days, you’ll have lost 5 pounds in the next 100 days.<br />
31. For the next 100 days, eat five servings of vegetables every day.<br />
32. For the next 100 days, eat three servings of fruit of every day.<br />
33. Choose one food that constantly sabotages your efforts to eat healthier—whether it’s the decadent<br />
cheesecake from the bakery around the corner, deep-dish pizza, or your favourite potato chips—and go<br />
cold turkey for the next 100 days.<br />
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34. For the next 100 days, eat from a smaller plate to help control portion size.<br />
35. For the next 100 days, buy 100% natural juices instead of the kind with added sugar and<br />
preservatives.<br />
36. For the next 100 days, instead of carbonated drinks, drink water.<br />
37. Create a list of 10 healthy, easy to fix breakfast meals.<br />
38. Create a list of 20 healthy, easy to fix meals which can be eaten for lunch or dinner.<br />
39. Create a list of 10 healthy, easy to fix snacks.<br />
40. Use your lists of healthy breakfast meals, lunches, dinners, and snacks in order to plan out your<br />
meals for the week ahead of time. Do this for the next 14 weeks.<br />
41. For the next 100 days, keep a food log. This will help you to identify where you’re deviating from<br />
your planned menu, and where you’re consuming extra calories.<br />
42. For the next 100 days, get at least twenty minutes of daily exercise.<br />
43. Wear a pedometer and walk 10,000 steps, every day, for the next 100 days. Every step you take<br />
during the day counts toward the 10,000 steps:<br />
• When you walk to your car.<br />
• When you walk from your desk to the bathroom.<br />
• When you walk over to talk to a co-worker, and so on.<br />
44. Set up a weight chart and post it up in your bathroom. Every week for the next 14 weeks, keep track<br />
of the following:<br />
• <strong>Your</strong> weight.<br />
• <strong>Your</strong> percentage of body fat.<br />
• <strong>Your</strong> waist circumference.<br />
45. For the next 100 days, set your watch to beep once an hour, or set up a computer reminder, to make<br />
sure that you drink water on a regular basis throughout the day.<br />
46. For the next 100 days, make it a daily ritual to mediate, breath, or visualize every day in order to<br />
calm your mind.<br />
<strong>Your</strong> Relationship<br />
47. For the next 100 days, actively look for something positive in your partner every day, and write it<br />
down.<br />
48. Create a scrapbook of all the things you and your partner do together during the next 100 days. At<br />
the end of the 100 days, give your partner the list you created of positive things you observed about<br />
them each day, as well as the scrapbook you created.<br />
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49. Identify 3 actions that you’re going to take each day, for the next 100 days, in order to strengthen<br />
your relationship. These can include the following:<br />
• Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” to your significant other every morning.<br />
• Hug your significant other as soon as you see each other after work.<br />
• Go for a twenty minute walk together every day after dinner; hold hands.<br />
Social<br />
50. Connect with someone new every day for the next 100 days, whether it’s by greeting a neighbour<br />
you’ve never spoken to before, following someone new on Twitter, leaving a comment on a blog you’ve<br />
never commented on before, and so on.<br />
51. For the next 100 days, make it a point to associate with people you admire, respect and want to be<br />
like.<br />
52. For the next 100 days, when someone does or says something that upsets you, take a minute to think<br />
over your response instead of answering right away.<br />
53. For the next 100 days, don’t even think of passing judgment until you’ve heard both sides of the<br />
story.<br />
54. For the next 100 days do one kind deed for someone every day, however small, even if it’s just<br />
sending a silent blessing their way.<br />
55. For the next 100 days, make it a point to give praise and approval to those who deserve it.<br />
56. For the next 100 days, practice active listening. When someone is talking to you, remain focused on<br />
what they’re saying, instead of rehearsing in your head what you’re going to say next. Paraphrase what<br />
you think you heard them say to make sure that you haven’t misinterpreted them, and encourage them to<br />
elaborate on any points you’re still not clear about.<br />
57. Practice empathy for the next 100 days. If you disagree with someone, try to see the world from their<br />
perspective; put yourself in their shoes. Be curious about the other person, about their beliefs and their<br />
life experience, and about the thinking process that they followed to reach their conclusions.<br />
58. For the next 100 days, stay in your own life and don’t compare yourself to anyone else.<br />
59. For the next 100 days, place the best possible interpretation on the actions of others.<br />
60. For the next 100 days, keep reminding yourself that everyone is doing the best that they can.<br />
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SOME QUOTES<br />
• Character cannot be developed in peace and quiet. Only through experience of trial and<br />
• suffering can the soul be strengthened; vision cleared; ambition inspired, and success<br />
• achieved.- Helen Keller<br />
• Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.-<br />
• Ralph Waldo Emerson<br />
• Genius is seldom recognized for what<br />
it is: a great capacity for hard work.-<br />
Henry Ford,<br />
• 1863 – 1947<br />
• Happiness is a choice that requires<br />
effort at times.- Anonymous<br />
• Hard work beats talent when talent<br />
doesn't work hard.- Tim Notke<br />
• <strong>How</strong> you spend your time is more<br />
important than how you spend your<br />
money. Money<br />
• mistakes can be corrected, but time is<br />
gone forever.- David Norris<br />
• I count him braver who overcomes his<br />
desires than him who overcomes his<br />
enemies, for<br />
• the hardest victory is victory over<br />
self.- Aristotle<br />
• I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small<br />
• tasks as if they were great and noble.- Helen Keller<br />
• If there is anything I would like to be remembered for it is that I helped people<br />
• understand that leadership is helping other people grow and succeed. <strong>To</strong> repeat myself,<br />
• leadership is not just about you. It's about them.- Jack Welch<br />
• If you have the will to win, you have achieved half your success; if you don't, you have<br />
• achieved half your failure.- David Ambrose<br />
• If you take too long in deciding what to do with your life, you’ll find you’ve done it.-<br />
• George B. Shaw.<br />
• Most look up and admire the stars. A champion climbs a mountain and grabs one.-<br />
• Unknown<br />
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• Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.-<br />
• Barbara Johnson<br />
• Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living, the other helps you<br />
• make a life.- Sandra Carey<br />
• One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off<br />
• living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon - instead of<br />
• enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.- Dale Carnegie<br />
• Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.- T.S.<br />
• Eliot<br />
• Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like<br />
• work.- Thomas Edison<br />
• Reputation is what people think you are. Character is who you really are. Take care of<br />
• your character and your reputation will take care of itself.- (On an American plaque)<br />
• Success is a journey, not a destination.- Ralph Arbitelle<br />
• Success is your dreams with work clothes on… - unknown<br />
• Successful and unsuccessful people do not vary greatly in their abilities. They vary in<br />
• their desires to reach their potential.- John Maxwell<br />
• The middle of every successful project looks like a disaster.- Rosabeth Moss Cantor<br />
• The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.- Richard Bach<br />
• The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.- Franklin D.<br />
• Roosevelt<br />
• The purpose of life is a life of purpose - Robert Byrne<br />
• Outstanding leaders appeal to the hearts of their followers - not their minds.- Unknown<br />
• The secret of success is to do the common things uncommonly well.- John D. Rockefeller<br />
• The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have<br />
• much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.- Roosevelt<br />
• <strong>To</strong> laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of<br />
• children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;<br />
• to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a<br />
• healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has<br />
• breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.- Ralph Waldo Emerson<br />
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• Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never<br />
• grow.- Ronald E. Osborn<br />
• We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.- Martin Luther<br />
• King, Jr.<br />
• Yesterday is a cancelled check; <strong>To</strong>morrow is a promissory note; <strong>To</strong>day is the only cash<br />
• you have, so spend it wisely.- Kim Lyons<br />
• You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.- Beverly Sills<br />
• Truth fears no trial.- Proverb<br />
• If you aren't making any mistakes, it's a sure sign you're playing it too safe.- John Maxwell<br />
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WHAT IT TAKES TO ENHANCE YOUR LIFE<br />
Happiness, Good Health, Wealth, Success, ... are wishes. Wishing for the<br />
sky won't improve the quality of your life and well-being. If wishes were<br />
horses, beggars might ride ...<br />
Neither will "wanting to succeed", "wanting to quit smoking", "wanting to<br />
lose weight" or "wanting to become more social, assertive, ..." be of much<br />
help to you. These are intentions.<br />
What it takes to be successful at enhancing your life is: GRASP IT!<br />
GRASP stands for: a Goal, a Reason, Action, a Strategy and Perseverance.<br />
Now, let's look into these elements in some more detail:<br />
GOAL<br />
Some of us may find it difficult to identify their dream, while others have so many dreams that their main<br />
problem is to prioritise among them. In either case, it is important to remember that most dreams will<br />
remain just that: dreams. Unless we prioritise and then transform our most urgent or important objective<br />
into a smart goal..<br />
SMART, meaning: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Rewarding and Time bound or Traceable.<br />
Now, write this goal down as a positive and concrete statement.<br />
For example: I will lose 10 kilos by the end of this year and will lose 2 kilos per month.<br />
Hint: It may be a good idea to paste your goal in visible, prominent areas around you to be regularly<br />
reminded of it.<br />
REASON<br />
Motivation is very important. The path to success is almost never a smooth one. If you are not prepared<br />
for setbacks, you may discover that your goal suddenly seems a lot less important when the going gets<br />
though.<br />
Motivation is what sparked the fire in the first place. It's the reason why you selected this goal and want to<br />
achieve it.<br />
But along the way, the intensity and direction of your motivation will vary. Maybe you started your path<br />
with one important reason in mind, but discover after some time that this is not the real reason why you<br />
want to achieve this specific goal. That is o.k. as long as your reasons fuel the enthusiasm and courage that<br />
you need to learn from failure and continue toward the fulfilment of your goal.<br />
Hint: A visualization board to help you visualize yourself enjoying the benefits which you will experience<br />
once you have accomplished your goal, may prove very helpful to get you through difficult moments.<br />
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ACTION<br />
So, you have a great goal. But how exactly are you going to reach it?<br />
First thing to do is to break down your goal into manageable sub-goals. Not only will these stepping stones<br />
help you to keep things in the right perspective (- compare "half a kilo to go this month" to "still 8 kilos to<br />
go" -), but they will also make it easier to draw concrete daily action plans and to review and evaluate your<br />
progress on a regular basis. As long as you keep sight of your goal, this allows for some flexibility along<br />
the road.<br />
Hint: Once your preparations are done, don't delay: Act Right Now! And once you got started, don't stop.<br />
STRATEGY<br />
Many roads lead to Rome. Depending on your personal experiences and preferences, your strengths and<br />
weaknesses and on your actual life situation, you will have to pick a trajectory, a means of transportation,<br />
the time you want to invest in your journey, the stopping places and the mileage you want to cover each<br />
month, week and day.<br />
But don't be too hard on yourself: even the best horse will stumble from time to time. Yet, it will get back<br />
on its feet and keep going. It is likely that your initial action strategy will require some adjustment along<br />
the road. Maybe you under-estimated the time or effort needed to execute your action plan. Or changes in<br />
your life situation force you to reconsider your schedule. This implies that it may take you a little longer to<br />
achieve your goal. But, hey! You know why you changed your action plan! The important thing here is to<br />
always be honest with yourself. But, if necessary, it's even much better to adjust your goal than to throw<br />
the towel and give up.<br />
Hint: Regular reviews are important. They allow you to evaluate your progress, to adapt your daily action<br />
plan and to celebrate your victories!<br />
PERSEVERANCE<br />
You started on this path toward the accomplishment of your dream in the firm believe that you can realize<br />
your goal. <strong>Your</strong> goal is a SMART goal. You have the motivation and the right strategy to overcome any<br />
obstacles that you might encounter along the way.<br />
If you ever felt that you were a victim, by taking things into your own hands you have proven that you are<br />
determined to be the protagonist in your own life.<br />
It is not because the road is long and windy that it also should be dull and hard and lonely. Finding positive<br />
role models may be a great idea: Become inspired by people who accomplished something important.<br />
Read about them, watch positive movies. Surround yourself with positive, supportive people who care<br />
about you.<br />
Hint: Share your goal with the people around you. Tell them about it and, if possible, find others that share<br />
the same goals and form a small group in which members support each other and hold each other<br />
accountable. Or find a mentor to support you.<br />
Copyright: <strong>Dean</strong> <strong>Amory</strong>, 2014<br />
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15 WAYS TO ENHANCE YOUR LIFE<br />
IMMEDIATELY<br />
<strong>Dean</strong> <strong>Amory</strong><br />
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1. ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY
2. DECIDE TO BE HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL<br />
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3. DEFINE HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS<br />
Elephants cannot fly: Know yourself<br />
You cannot be the best at everything: Pick your targets<br />
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4. BE PASSIONATE<br />
Conviction, devotion,<br />
Develop a winner’s mentality<br />
Always go the extra mile<br />
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5. DARE TO CHANGE<br />
Keep your Goals firm, but your choice of roads flexible<br />
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6. BE POSITIVE<br />
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7. PLAN YOUR HAPPINESS AND SUCCESS<br />
Plan on the short time and on the long time<br />
Where are you now? Where will you be 1 year from now? And in 5 years?<br />
Write your goals down and read them every day<br />
Plan what can be planned, even if you know you will have to adapt the plan<br />
afterward<br />
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8. BE CONFIDENT<br />
Don’t hide your expertise<br />
A few hours of study is all it takes to know more about a subject than most.<br />
Be happy. Be a success.<br />
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9. LIVE TODAY<br />
No one can go back and make a brand new start.<br />
Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.<br />
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10. COMMIT YOURSELF<br />
Never give up<br />
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11. STUDY<br />
Model happy and successful people<br />
Take a coach<br />
Move in circles of happy and successful people<br />
Read about your subject<br />
Talk about it<br />
Study<br />
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12. ACT! ACT! ACT!
13. SEE FAILURE AS AN OPPORTUNITY<br />
When you fall, get up: you just learned something.<br />
You are better now !<br />
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14. SEE INVESTED TIME AND ENERGY<br />
AS AN INVESTMENT
15. APPLY THE FIVE RULES OF HAPPINESS<br />
1. The grass is NOT greener anywhere else. <strong>Life</strong> is what you make it.<br />
Avoid the 'if only...' syndrome at all costs.<br />
2. Keep a close watch on attitudes.<br />
3. Give yourself away to others if you really want to be happy.<br />
4. Appreciate others around you, what you have and all creation.<br />
It's amazing how many blessings we have when we begin to count them.<br />
5. Put yourself wholeheartedly into whatever needs doing.<br />
SOURCE: http://jmm.aaa.net.au/index.htm<br />
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