Concerned United Birthparents CUB - MA ~ Pg 243-342 - triadoption

NON-FF3FIT ORG . 

U.S. FOSTAGE 

A N K i IOWA 

PERXI- NO. 8

- 

Dear friends, 

PRES IDENT' S COMMENTS 

In CUB's Dover office, our staff of younfr mothers and I sit amonp 

some of the "Donahue" mail that Gail, our National Secretary, has 

been unable to parcel out to volunteers; among the literature and 

gifts you order; among the penpals for which you request private 

matches, your requests for search referrals, your membership 

registrations, and, CUB'S Reunion Card Registry which now houses 

the birth statistics of almost 12,000 hopefuls. 

In an earlier issue of the Communicator we shared the joyful news 

of having made three matches. Last week, staff member April made 

the fourth - a happily tearful birthmother in North Carolina and 

her 36-~ear-old daughter in Louisiana. A possible fifth match 

awaits the confirmation of the parties involved, 

This fourth match made our day and the obvious involvement of 

our young mothers prompted me to write a few brief words about 

each to acquaint you with them, as they are with you by working 

daily at CUB. My introduction of them is elsewhere in this issue. 

Reaction from the last "Donahue" show has been, not surprisingly, 

mixed. Some prospective adoptive parents have written to learn 

the names of agencies which don't exploit birthparents; some others 

have written to chide us for airing sensationalist, isolated cases, 

or so they assume. Some social workers want to know more about 

our program and agree their profession is overdue for beinp accountable. 

Still others blame us for be-smudging the "good name" of social 

work. Birthparents, however, continue to write in the thousands 

"Me, too. I was also exploited. " Nearly as consistent 

are adoptees, who now better understand the dynamics which compelled 

their surrender and who want to help heal their birthparents by 

searching and joining CUB in its efforts to humanize adoption. 

To all CUB members who are willing to grow strong with us, a 

special welcome. 

Ways to promote your personal growth and CUB's are in every pape 

of this and all issues of the CUB Communicator. Happy springtime : 

Special love, 

_____ 

______________- -- ...................................................... 

Tlle Communicator is the monthly newsletter of CONCERNED UNITED BI RTHPARENTSJ INC 

send submissions to editor Carole Anderson (address on back cover) by the 

of the month preceding publication, First name and state will be used unless YOU specify 

that full name and/or address is to be used. 

1981 concerned United Birthparents, Inc. All rights

.. ...' . ., 

PEN PA REQUESTS WOULD YOU LIKE A PEN 

PAL? k F so, THESE FOLKS ARE LOOKING FOR You 

Gail A. Cathey, 3634 Plaza Park, Garland, TX 75042. 

Another adoptee searching for birthparents. 

Gloria Grundtner, 1216 Ross Avenue, St. Paul, MN 

55106. Would like a birthparent. 

Janet Stone, 5006 Johnstown Rd., New Albany, OH 43054. 

Male or female age 35 - 45. Someone who is currently 

searching. 

Rebecca Theresa Moreno, 43-235 Silk Tree Lane, Palm 

Desert, CA 92260. I am not good at writing but with 

the Lord's helo I will try. 

My adoptive mother told me what my name at birth was, 

my birthmother's name, and ruy legal (not birth) father's 

name, and two weeks later I found all my birth 

relatives. Why did my adoptive mother let her insecurities 

so control her that she kept this information 

from me for 29 years? I thought that only characters 

in soap operas could keep such secrets for so long! 

My adoptive aunt and cousin actually knew my birthmother. 

It was through information I received from 

this cousin that I completed my search. 

Oh, the letters I wrote, and the disheartening responses 

I received. One was the very tactless refusal 

. 

from the Division of Vital Statistics in Buffalo, NY, 

/ 

for the contents of my original birth record. Even 

iuth Udwary , Mbmrow Rd. , Sand Lake, NY 12153. Some- though I know everything now, I would still need a 

I one in the Albany, Troy or Schenectady area. court order to break through "the provisions - of Pub- 

E. Jeanette Farmer, P.O. Box 531, Mary Esther, FL lic Health Law, Section 4158." ltis so absurd to 

32569. keep records sealed after an adoptee has reached legal 

age. 

Charmaine Johnson, P.O. Box 774, Custer, SD 57730. 

When I was a little girl I used to have a picture in 

Beth Pronger, 1717 Greenwood, Evanston, IL 60201. my mind of a huge black vault with an armed guard 

SoUIeone single, my age, with 

protecting the adoption records inside. Of coursse 

seeking male child. 

this vision stemmed from what my adoptive mother had 

Diane Sue Dasher, 15038 Flaming Creek, San Antonio, told me. The idea of adoption can be a very confus- 

TX 78217. 

ing thing for a child. 

Rosemary Standish, P.O. Box 1511, Estes Park, CO Since becoming a member of CUB, I have been able to 

80517. I am 59 years of age, but any age as a pen read the heart rending letters from birthmothers in 

~ a l is fine. 

reference to living with horrible grief and questions 

C 

all their lives about the child they had sur;endered 

Carol Snake, 1601 Annis, Mattoon, IL 61938. A Chris- but never stopped loving, ~ h ~ sletters e are what 

tian, preferably a Baptist but any again Chris- finally instilled the gumption in me to pursue a 

tian is okay. 

search. 

Joan Arnette, R #I, Cameron, WI 54822. I would like 

to correspond with other birthmothers who lived at 

the Marillac Home in Farmington, Michigan. I was 

there from December of 1964 to April 25, 1965. 

Patricia Ann Potts, 1222 - 25th Street, Gulfport, MS 

39501. I would like to hear from anyone who might 

know the whereabouts of my birthmother, whose name 1 

believe was Janis Loeffler and who gave birth to me 

2/14/35 at St. Ann's Hospital, which is no longer in 

existence. 

1 HOPE AND HAPPINESS 

A contribution has been received from Gloria Fichtner 

Hertrampf to extend birthday wishes to her daughter, 

born February 17, 1962 in Davenport, Iowa. 

I 

I 

Lynne Poss sent a donation in honor of her son's 16th 

birthday January 21. 

Carol and Russ Gustavson have sent a donation in 

thankfulness for Gary's very warm reception from his 

birth family. 

Genevieve Connelly Petty of Kingston, Massachusetts, 

has made a donation in honor of her son, Christopher 

John, whose 15th birthday was February 12, 1981. 

ADOPTEE SEARCHES BUT MOTHER HAS DIED 

I can't tell you how much the CUD newsletter has 

meant to me. I have tried to tell of my search and I 

hope that someone will write to me. This has been so 

upsetting and confusing for me. 

I found both heartbreak and joy in my search. My 

birthmother was murdered in 1959, so I will never 

know her. But, I was overjoyed to find I have a full 

brother, 3 half-sisters, an 83 year old grandmother, 

an aunt, and scads of cousins and nieces and nephews. 

Everyone is so excited and thankful that I found 

them, but they have each asked me why I waited so 

long to search. 

As for my birthfather, my brother has been searching 

for him for the past 10 years with no luck. I was 

thrilled to find that my brother had also searched 

for me--I really feel wanted. My brother is actually 

moving here. 

I just can't express my feelings--elation, confusion, 

devastation, etc. We are all having a reunion in 

June--can I wait that long? In comparing my childhood 

to that of my newly found siblings, I realize 

that adoption can be good as it also can be detrimental. 

My birthmother made a great sacrifice when 

she handed me over to my adoptive parents. I would 

have liked to both have thanked her and also to have 

acknowledged her courage for making her decision. 

At least now my adoptive parents feel secure in my 

love for them. My adoptive mother is very happy and 

excited about my finding everyone. She remembers my 

mother and says she thinks she would have come forward 

to me if she had lived. My adoptive mother also 

now realizes that I needed to "know". 

I would like for someone with similar experiences to 

write to me, I'm afraid I still need some help in

. 

all this. ' With love and thanks, 

were too young. We did truly care for each other 

Deby Raiford, 1501 Girvin Road, Jacksonville, and have been married for 22 years now, and have 

- FL 32225 seven other children, who are all hoking forward to 

knowing their older brother. I have been putting 

.......................................... 

personal ads in the newspaper in the personal column 

REUNION 

since our son turned 18 but haven't had any response 

to the ads. 

Thank you to Gail Hanssen. My birthmother and I were 

reunited this past August because you were able to 

Peggy, MI 

match our files together. My name is Bill Tyndall .......................................... 

and my birthmother is JoAnn Hamrick. I was born in 

1955 in Cleveland, and we now live in Youngstown, SEARCHER FINDS DEAD ENDS 

Ohio, just blocks away from each other, and have been I have run into dead ends and problems of finding no 

this close for a few years. Hard to believe, isn't records exist. When my baby was born, I was too 

it? 

young and dumb and had no one to turn to so I be- 

~verything is working out real well between us. It's lieved the baby's aunt (the father's sister) when 

hard to put into words all the emotions I was feeling she told me that letting her adopt my baby was the 

at the time of our first meeting--love, excitement, only thing to do. She told me that when I married 

anticipation, curiosity, jubilation, all rolled into and had a home she would let me have my baby back. 

one. Wow! Another tremendous thing is that I have I moved to Texas later and 4 months after I moved I 

two sisters with the same father and mother, so they got a letter from another woman saying that my baby 

are my full sisters. 

had been turned in to the welfare office. I don't 

understand why she did this as we had been writing 

The one aspect of all this is that I was not able to each other at least once a week. It was then 1944 

share my excitement with my adoptive family. MY ad- and I was 16 years old. I wenh there and the aunt 

optive parents are very kind and loving people, and was gone and no one seemed to know where they went. 

I understand their feelings. After I told them that The welfare office admitted they had my baby. She 

JoAnn and 1 were meeting, they were surprised, which was two years old and I was sixteen. I checked with 

is only natural. I told them whatever they wanted the police and they told me I could do nothing but 

to know about it, I would gladly tell them. Well, ask the welfare office. They said that they had her 

we haven't discussed it since. When I said my birth in a foster home with good people and there was 

mother and I wanted to be friends, they didn't say nothing I could do about it. They wouldn't tell me 

much at all. I believe they feel threatened, even where the foster home was or anything else. 

though I tried to explain to them that they should 

not, as I would always love them for themselves and Searching has been very frustrating. There are no 

as a family. We haven't talked about it since, al- records of a second adoption, but the county had the 

though we get along very well as we always have and records of the adoption by the aunt. There are no 

always will. 

school or other records in her adopted name, I do 

not understand why the welfare office, a legal agent 

Joa, Betty (one of my sisters), and Norm (JoAnn's can do this. They must have given my baby to somehusband) 

see me, my wife Karen, and our daughter one and given her a new name, yet there is no record 

Allison every couple of weeks or so. We get along of it. 

well, and we always have a pleasant time when we 

visit each other. Cathy (my other sister) lives in I feel for people who adopt children because they 

. Florida. can't have some of their own, because 1've never had 

another, but how do they know why this child was 

I just want you to know that I am very thankful to given up? They must know that a woman wouldn't give 

you ail), and to CUB for what you have done. her child if there was any other way. If they were 

Bill Tyndall, OH really caring and loving people they would tell a 

child he or she was adopted and all the details so 

.......................................... 

the child could find the birthparents. 

IF AT FIRST,, ,KEEP TRYING 

I wrote to Lansing, Michigan, last September to request 

consent to release of information forms from 

them and didn't get a reply. I finally called them, 

and they were very apologetic, saying my request 

must have been lost or misplaced. This is just to 

let others know so they can be sure to ask again a 

- 

second time, then send the information registered to 

be sure they acknowledge it. I think this is very 

important, as it seems the state has a habit of mis- 

. 

placing things, or taking years in getting information 

to us. 

My husband and I are the birthparents of a son. We 

were forbidden to marry because my parents felt we 

I'm sure there are more adoptees like you, Patricia, 

and more birthmothers like me out there who are 

finding dead ends. I pray to God that something can 

be done so this can't happen to others. 

Jean, TX 

GROWING 

The year I have belonged to CUB has been very valuable 

to me, and I hove looked forward to every issue 

of the Communicator. You have made me feel I am not 

alone in my pain, After being a birthmother for 20 

- - 

years, you have also made me do a lot of thinking-- 

some of it painful but necessary--and a lot of grow- 

3

ing. I have gone through my own hell, but it has 

helped me to see that others feel as I do and some 

have had experiences so much worse. I was blessed 

by some very compassionate people along the way. 

Just before I joined CUB I had written to the agency 

in an effort to get information about Patrick. It 

had been unanswered. Under the influence of CUB, I 

followed it up last February with a tougher letter, 

and included a Consent to Disclose Identity. A few 

weeks later I got a phone call from the director of 

Catholic Charities in Montana. We had a pleasant 

visit. He had talked to Patrick's adoptive mother a 

few days earlier and had obtained a bit of information. 

It was non-identifying and really, for the 

most part, trivial. It would take other birthparents 

to fully appreciate the value of this "trivia." He 

later followed up with a letter, which was a good 

thing, because while we were talking I was shaking so 

hard that my notes were totally illegible. He told 

patrick's adoptive mother and he said that she had 

agreed with him that Patrick should be told that the 

document exists...I feel every hope and faith that 

Patrick will use it when he is ready .... 

Anne, OR 

ANOTHER AGENCY RESPONDS WITH UNDERSTAND1 NG 

It has been over a year and a half since I joined 

CUB. I thought I would write at this time and tell 

you where I am with gathering my information. 

I am happy to say that the Florence Crittenton Home 

in Peoria, Illinois, has sent my medical records. I 

have also received my records and my daughter's hospital 

records from the hospital. They sent the 

nurses' notes, the certificate of birth, and her footprints. 

I was very happy since I wasn't sure I would 

get anything. 

The last contact I made was with the caseworker who 

handled everything. She had me write a letter to be 

placed in my daughter's file to update the information 

011 me. 

I would like to thank CUB for being there. It was CUB 

that opened my eyes to the fact that I did not have to 

hide my birthparenthood from the world and that I 

1 could get information if I tried hard enough. 

1 

Sue, IL 

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM NEEDING INPUTJ THIS IS 

FOR YOU, OR, IF YOU SEE A PROBLEM THAT YOU 

CAN HELP WITH2 WRITE TO CAROLE AT THE ADDRESS 

ON THE BACK OR TO HQ, 

I would like information about Lutheran Social Services 

of Indiana. Are there any letters from birthmothers 

who are bitter about L.S.S.'s attitudes? I would like 

to hear from those who've had dealings with these people, 

in the past and recently. 

Sara, CA 

I went back to my agency a month ago, Our Lady of 

Providence Children's Center, Holyoke, MA, and 

signed a waiver of confidentiality. They could not 

help me end would give only non-identifying.information. 

My son was surrendered through them 11 years 

ago. Have other CUB members dealt with them? If so, 

what was their outcome? 

. . 

I 

Nancy, MA 

----------------.-------------------------- 

MI NOR SEARCHES 

Yam a birthmother. I surrendered my daughter 15 

years ago. At age 24, 1.*was not pressured by family 

to do so but was pressured personally, financially, 

and emotionally. I was not even allowed to see her 

at the time of her birth. I have spent the past 15 

years in a huge nightmare, all the time wondering 

about her and how she was, if in fact she was even a- 

live. 

On September 4, 1980, while visiting a friend who is 

both a birthmother and an adoptive parent, I first 

learned that there was a movement to reunite adoptees 

and their birthparents. We did some research...I kept 

plugging away at my search for 82 very emotional days. 

I found my daughter and her school but have not had a 

reunion. We had an interview, strictly confidential, 

with her school principal. In this interview we conveyed 

that we were concerned with her welfare and 

wished no change of her atmosphere, only needed to 

know that she is alright, and to let her know that she 

has always loved by her birthmother if she was ready 

for this information. 

This interview helped to educate the principal and 

indirectly the school counselors about birthmotherhood 

and they now know that I am available. The principal 

appreciated very much being taken into my confidence. 

He was very open with me, saying that his primary concern 

was with his student, secondly with her adoptive 

parents, who were, in a real sense, his clients. He 

was glad to cooperate and said I could correspond with 

him. He said that he would do nothing on his own 

without first letting me know. 

From my experience, I know first hand that it is very 

important to have along with you a secure, unemotionally 

related individual, knowledgeable on the subject, 

to help with the interview .... 

It is my comfort to now know that there is someone who 

has her welfare and concerns in mind on a daily basis 

and that I can have communication at hand at any given 

time . 

Marilee, CA 

I have been a CUB member for 3 years and have come a 

long way in my search and dealing with all my feelings. 

I haven't completely dealt with all my feel- - 

ings but I know I am going to make it. I've just recently 

located by son, who is now 14. Even though 

he is three states away, just the idea of knowing I 

can call him or go see him IF I choose is wonderful. 

To know he is alive and the wondering where he is can 

I

I 

. 

stop for me. It's hard to believe. God does answer 

prayers for adoptees and birthparents. My fears are 

- still real, not knowing 'how receptive the adoptive 

parents will be toward me, how my birthchild will 

feel toward me. I have fears they could move or 

maybe they have never told him he was adopted. How 

does one deal with this? The problems are not over 

just because I have located my birthchild. The knowledge 

that one's child is alive and well brings much 

joy. Ipaced for hours when I found out the news. 

I plan on contacting my agency and requesting a contact 

with the adoptive family but it seems they have 

had no contact with them since the finalization so 

what do I tell them--that I know the address, or do" 

I wait for the adoptive parents to contact the agency 

again, which may be never? How does one deal with 

this? 

The great weight has lifted; knowing my child's 

whereabouts is something very special indeed. I 

have lain awake many nights wondering what he looks 

like, whether he is happy, whether he has a good home 

and whether he thinks of me sometimes. I am hopeful 

that when there is a reunion we can be friends, and 

he'won't hate me for what I have had to do. Then all 

my hopes and dreams will have a final ending for the 

pain of wondering will be over. 

Loretta, TX 

OUT OF THE CLOSET 

I am a new member to CUB'S ranks. I am Jan Clarke. 

I have recently "gone public" as a birthparent and 

would like to share with you some of the enlightening 

experiences I have had. 

I first spoke to the Dade Legislators to help open 

records here, and you should have seen their faces! 

I had everyone's attention. It surprises some people 

to hear a middle-class, educated woman admit that she 

is a birthmother. We all know, all too well, the bad 

reputation we have. The response from these people 

was either very warm or surprised. They are now just 

a little more enlightened about birthparents. 

I have discovered birthparents who are a professor's 

wife and a Senator's aide. I spoke today to a woman 

who was very wann and understanding. In general, 

the feedback is very good. Times have changed and 

we no longer have to hide behind our last initial. 

Society is more accepting. 

Yes, it's scary at first, but as I speak out I begin 

to feel better and better about myself. I am proud 

to have a 17 year old daughter and any moral indiscretion 

of 18 years ago is just an 18 year old issue. 

In that home for unwed mothers, I was Janice A. I am 

now Jan Clarke and am ready to face the world. So 

when you are ready too, bear in m.ind that we need to 

be heard from and are so much more effective when we 

are public. 

Jan Clarke, FL 

. . 

TER)? WE'D, LIKE .TO. DEVELOP A POLICY STATE- 

MENT .THAT ..IS. REPRESENTATIVE OF MEMBERS 

FEELINGS ON THIS ISSUE1 

NEVER GIVE UP 

I couldn't wait to send this to you. When I read it, 

the tears wouldn't stop. For whatever it's worth, 

maybe I've helped our cause in some small way. If 

one agency can respond like this, with a formulated 

policy that is so promising, perhaps others will soon 

follow. This proves that you should never give up 

trying to promote change. I kept trying, and I got 

some results. I am really most happy. 

(June has been reunited with her son and kept in contact 

with her agency, sharing with them the fact of 

the reunion and what it meant. The agency responded 

very positively and sent her a personal letter as 

well as a copy of the revised policies of the agency 

regarding contact between members of the adoption 

triangle. Agencies, as well as individuals, are capable 

of growth--especially if they have help.) 

June, IL 

IMAGE, REALITY, AND MI NOR SEARCHES 

In writing, speaking, and formulating policy, individuals 

and organizations in the reform movement are 

continually concerned with presenting a positive image 

of power. Much of the work of adoption reform must be 

done in the legislatures and courts--the realm of politicians--and 

it is a fact of life that politics in 

our time has become a game of images. If we are to 

achieve our goals, we often have no choice but to play 

this game. 

However, I feel it is important to remember that our 

primary purpose is to seek the truth about adoption 

and its influence on our lives, and to let that truth 

be known, even when it contradicts the image we wish 

to present. Most of what is rotten in the present 

adoption system is the result of secrecy and of blind 

belief in an ideology that is at odds with human experience. 

It is a system that clings to the image of 

what sealed-record adoption was envisioned to be by 

its creators--a total and adequate substitute for the 

blood-related family--and refuses to see the pain, 

inadequacy, and failure of this system in actual 

lives. We who are trying to reform adoption must be 

careful not to replace this old, blind ideology with 

a new one, but to avoid all ideology and theory except 

that which has been proven to respond to real 

human needs. 

As birthmothers we have gone through an experience 

where we were made to feel ashamed, guilty, and unsure 

of our own judgement and worth. In our confusion, 

many of us turned to social workers and other professionals 

for guidance and approval, and in doing what 

they said was "the right thing," went against our inner 

feelings and lost our children. We bought their 

image of the good, unselfish single mother, who paid 

for her sin by giving up her child. We bought their 

- image of a new life, of amnesia after the surrender. 

We didn't know then, as we painfully do now, that all

images are hollow, worthless phantoms if they do not 

reflect reality and truth in all its facets. It is 

wise to remember this.when the question of "image" 

arises now in our dealings with agencies, the press, 

and adoptive parent groups. 

Are we still, in our anxiety about the "birthmother 

image," seeking from those "all-powerful" social 

workers affirmation of our respectability, our worth, 

when we should find this affirmation in ourselves and 

each other? Are we too concerned about countering 

the old, negative, all-bad whore stereotype of birthmothers 

with an equally incomplete "good" stereotype 

because we are afraid that the whole truth of our 

lives, anger and bitterness as well as love and 

faith, bad ladies and suicides as well as happy 

housewives, is not acceptable to those in authority? 

Are we cutting off parts of ourselves in order to 

fit into someone else's mold? 

Even within the adoptee movement the whole truth, our 

truth, is sometimes not accepted and we are forced 

back into the closet, at least partially. The issue 

we are supposed to avoid and silence, so as not to 

upset adoptive parents or give fuel to the opponents 

of 'open records, is the search for minor children. 

The fact that many of us have made such a search, 

with no disastrous results, is not even open,to discuss 

ion, 

I now find itbironic that as a member of an organization 

dedicated to the pursuit of absolute truth for 

adult adoptees (not CUB, but an adoptee search group) 

I was encouraged to lie about the fact that I had 

found my young son. This organization needed my support 

and their acceptance of me was bought at the 

price of my silence, the denial of a significant part 

of my life. I now regret participation in that charade. 

.. . 

When the adoptee movement first started, it was radical 

to even suggest that adult adoptees had the right 

to search. There were, and still are, good reasons 

why national adoptee and birthparent organizations 

cannot become directly involved in aiding minor 

searches. As a mother who has searched for a minor, 

I can understand and respect this position, and the 

many sincere individuals who support it. (But) I 

would like ... a willingness for open dialogue with 

mothers who have found minors, and an unbiased examination 

of the results of minor searches. 

As things stand now, the subject of minor searches is 

sometimes treated like the subject of sex in some unenlightened 

homes--"try not to do it, but if you must 

do it at least don't talk about it." In place of 

mature discussion of the real pitfalls and advantages 

of searching for minors we are often given "thou shalt 

nots" and scare stories, and told that if any of us 

contact our minor children, we will selfishly destroy 

both the adoption reform movement and the child's 

life. These sernlons are most harmful to birthmothers 

not because they prevent minor searches (they don't), 

but because they reinforce already existing feelings 

of guilt, worthlessness, passivity, and the destructive 

quality of our need to see our own children. We 

are encouraged to hate ourselves, fear our needs, 

mistrust our judgement and self-control, and to lie 

if we are searching or have seen ocr underage children. 

.. . 

If the truth is reallyimportant to all members of 

the adoption reform movement, these attitudes of 

fear, condemnation, and suppression~must change, I 

feel very strongly that what we mothers really are, 

all the things we are and have done, is good enough 

and speaks strongly for adoption reform. We don't 

need any image, as long as the whole truth is presented. 

I also believe there will be no more harm, 

either to individuals or the the adoption reform 

movement, from minor searches than from adult: searches, 

and that in some cases it is preferable, even 

vital, to contact a child before 18. 

My feelings are based on actual cases of minor 

search, and if what I observe in the future changes, 

I hope I will have the humility to change my views 

in accordance with what is happening in the real 

world. At this point none of us have all the answers 

for ourselves or for the movement in general. We can 

only watch, wait, do what we velieve is best, and try 

to remain open to each other and to what the future 

will bring. If we can regard our organizational policies 

as guidelines, not as dogma, and respect our 

differences even as we seek our common goal, I believe 

we will eventually change the adoption world. 

Mary Anne Cohen, NJ 

MINOR CONTACT--ALISON SENT A FULL-PAGE NEWS- 

PAPER ARTICLE ALONG WITH HER LETTER, AND THE 

ARTICLE IS POSITIVE AND SENSITIVE, 

I would like CUB Communicator readers to share in my 

joy about the contact I've had with my 14 year old 

daughter Holly. 

I was 18 when I surrendered my baby. I always felt I 

had done the right thing by giving her up, although I 

never stopped worrying and thinking about .her, and 

wondering how and where she was. Two months after I 

signed the surrender papers I had tried to get her 

back, but the agency said the court would never permit 

the return of a child to her mother after she had 

been in an adoptive home for any length of time. 

For over 13 years I lived with my decision, never 

dreaming I could ever find out anything about her. 

I never had any other children, by choice; any other 

child would have been a replacement for Holly. In 

March 1980 I found several books about adoption and 

spent a weekend immersed in them. It was a catharsis 

for me to realize that adoptees often feel unloved 

because they were given away by their mothers. Just 

as mind boggling for me was the fact that natural 

parents and adoptees could search for and find each 

other in spite of the walls erected by courts and 

agencies. I started my search that weekend and attended 

CUB and ALMA meetings to better understand 

not only my own feelings, but also the concerns of 

everyone involved in the adoption circle. 

I was unbelievably lucky in my search. By October I 

had my daughter's amended name, her parents' names, 

and their address at the time of the adoption in '66, 

The agency told me that the family had moved overseas 

when Holly was one year old, so I fully expected the 

next step of locating the family to take at least 

several months. Instead, less than one month later, 

-

-I knew the family's address and phone number, and which 

'high school Holly attended. I was prepared to wair until 

she was 18 to contact her, but I felt strongly that 

-it would be wrong for me to wait. I felt that enough 

of me was in Holly; that if she knew she was adopted 

she would have a natural, healthy curiosity about me 

and would benefit by knowing about me and the reasons 

for her adoption. I weighed all the pros and cons; I 

counseled with birthparents, adoptees, adoptive parents 

and friends; finally I decided to contact her directly 

at a time when she would be at home alone. On 

December 6th, I' called Holly. 

After making sure she could talk openly, I read from a 

prepared statement because I felt I couldn't leave 

anything to chance during this most important conversation. 

After giving her my name, address and phone 

number, I told her that I thought she was someone I 

had been looking for and explained why. After a 

shocked pause on her end, she said, "Oh, are you my 

mother? I was just talking about you the other day. '1 

We talked for 69 minutes (I just got my phone bill-- 

it was the best call I ever made). I told her why she 

was surrendered, that I loved her, and that I contacted 

her directly because I wanted her to make her own 

choices and decisions in the future about the course 

of ouk relationship. She said she'd always known she 

was adopted; that she had planned to search for me 

when she turned 18 and that her adoptive parents were 

going to help her search; and that several of her 

friendsrwere adoptees and they were all planning to 

search when they turned 18. 

Since then, Holly and I have exchanged pictures and. 

letters. I was able to send her a Christmas card, 

which was a delight. Her adoptive mother helped her 

put together six pictures--Holly in 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 

5th, 8th, and 5th grades. It was as if I could see her 

grow up! I have received a long letter from Holly's 

adoptive mother. She believes that Holly and I should 

have a relationship, but feels that time and a low 

profile on my part will help develop that relationship. 

I have no idea what will happen in the future, but I 

hope to get to know my daughter better by continuing 

our correspondence and calling her from time to time. 

In addition, ,I will continue to correspond with her 

adoptive parents and include them as much as possible. 

I think this is important because Holly is only 14, and 

is still living at home. 

I truly believe that we cannot ignore what can and does 

1 happen when a minor is contacted. There is no research 

on the aftereffects of contacting a minor child. The 

I 

handful of people who I know who have done this have 

not been met with a negative reaction, and their children's 

lives have - not been ruined. Times are changing. 

The adopted children of today are growing up in a different 

climate than that of the adult adoptees I know. 

In a period of transition such as this, one must experiment. 

Use common sense, your gut feel, and your 

heart--but do what is right for you and your child. I 

took a big chance by contacting her directly, but I 

felt very strongly that it was the right thing to do 

for Holly and me. It was, as it turned out. 

Many CUB members were helpful to me throughout this 9 

month odyssey : from Sandy Musser, the first birthmother 

I ever spoke to back in March, to all the friends 

I've made in New Jersey, New York, Georgia, Maryland 

and other states. These people were part of the 

large network which gave me understanding and encouragement 

all along the way, even though many people 

did not personally agree with my decision to contact 

Holly directly at age 14. 

No one can say what is right or wrong for someone 

else, Things worked out well for Holly and me. I 

wish all of you, the same happiness and success. 

Alison Ward, NJ 

GOOD PRESS THE FOLLOWING APPEARED IN THE 

Spurred by your request, I'm letting you know that my 

outcome has been happy and going strong for years 

now. 

In 1977 I wrote that I was pregnant and terrified of 

the decision I'd have to make as an unmarried mother. 

hose who responded to my letter) wrote to me and 

helped me keep my feet on the ground and in contact 

with the reality of options and possibilities. 

Some letters urged me to give up the child for adoption; 

these came from adoption counselors, social 

workers, adoptive parents. Other letters encouraged 

me by saying that single motherhood was feasible, 

that is could work for me and that the adjustments of 

one's life in becoming a parent were worth far more.., 

Taking the ball into my own hands, I wrote to Concerned 

United Birthparents ... That group's response to 

I 

my problems was heartening, overwhelming, and in addition 

helped me turn the necessary page in my life. 

My daughter was born in spring, 1978, and I took her 

home with me for good. She and I have weathered the 

problems, one by one, and are still strong and happy 

as ever that we're together. When I think now that my 

decision was made with the help of advice from othere 

who gave me courage and lifted my hopes, I'm grateful. 

My daughter is now 2% ... she's the single most important 

little person in my life, and I am gra.teful for 

the he'lp of all who helped me keep her in my life.. .. 

THANKS TO THE MASS. CUB BRANCH FOR SENDING THIS NEWS 

Sue Daggett sent the following quote from Sir James 

Barrie's The Little White Bird: 

THIS WORLD, ARE DEAD YOUNG MOTHERS, RETURNED I 

TO SEE HOW THEIR CHILDREN FARE, THERE IS NO 

OTHER INDUCEMENT GREAT ENOUGH TO BRING 'THE 

DEPARTED BACK 8 11 

We may be dead only on paper, but like those dead 

young mothers we, too, need to know how our beloved 

children fare, and often overcome tremendous obstacles 

in order to find them and learn of their welfare. 

BACK ISSUES OF THE COMMUNICATOR ARE AVAILABLE @ 7 5 ea. ~ 

I 

I

THE EDITOR'S CORNER 

One indiuidual may not be able to change the world for 

everyone, but each caring person can make a world of 

difference for someone. If each one of us had the 

courage to reach out and do what we could, we could 

change countless lives. 

How can we help? That depends on each of us, and on 

our interests and abilities. We can all write letters 

in support of access to records, changes in the way 

adoptions are handled, and the safeguarding of rights 

for those who may be coerced or pressured to surrender 

when there are newsletter articles requesting support 

for proposed legislation on these topics. Every one 

of us can respond to these requests and it is important 

that we do so. Even if the state proposing legislative 

changes s thousands of miles away from you, 

keep in mind that every time any state humanizes its 

laws the chances of passing such laws in other states 

are increasedas well. Whenever a law is changed, so 

are the lives of thousands of people who will be affected 

by it. 

~ecornin~ a pen pal for one of the new members whose 

request is listed in the Communicator is another way 

of helping. Pen pals can provide a wonderful means of 

sharing feelings, increasing understanding, and learning 

to cope with adoption-related problems. We all 

need to hear other points of view, and all of us have 

experiences we need to share too. 

Another opportunity for one-to-one assistance is with 

the CUB Sister Program. Through this program, you 

could aid the people who've contacted CUB for help in 

making their choices or in meeting their needs so they 

can stay together. To volunteer for this program, 

contact Charleen Justice, CUB Sister Program Coordinator, 

at the address on the back cover. 

I 

social work departments in colleges and universities, 

women's clinics, Planned Parenthood, medical clinics, . 

junior .high andhigh school .counselors, Y;W.C.A, Is-- 

anyone in a position to be in contact -with' young parents-to-be 

or to influence them. If you are willing . 

to speak with groups, you cou1.d volunteer to do so. 

If you do not yet feel ready to talk with individuals 

or groups you might want to consider donating some 

CUB literature and a newsletter subscription to them. 

Every time you talk of your experiences and your knowledge 

of birthparenthood, you open someone's eyes and 

provide a perspective no one else can give. Your openness 

can affect people you will never know. If 

knowing of your experience makes your neighbor's view 

of adoption change, she may aid her niece in keep5ng--;. 

her baby years from now. You will never know how man?' 

lives you have touched. 

Whether your contribution to change is a donation of 

stamps to the CUB Sister Program or writing letters or 

talking to groups, you can help to foster changes that 

will make ell the difference in the world to someone. 

Carole Anderson, Iowa 

LEG I SLATIVE REPORT 

NEW JERSEY--Bi11#2015--11.,.an original birth certificate,'sealed 

pursuant to this section, shall at any 

time by opened as a matter of right, to the birth parent 

whose rights were terminated-or to the adult adoptee 

upon application to the office of the state registrar...upon 

application to the clerk of court, (court 

adoption) records shall be open to inspection by any 

party to the particular proceeding who is an adult at 

the time application is made for inspection ... the 

rights of access to records established by this act 

shall have retroactive effect, and shall.not be limi- 

If you enjoy teenagers and babies, and if you have an ted by reason of prior law or assurances of confidenextra 

bedroom in your home, you could volunteer to be tiality - not required - by - this act. 11 

a foster parent for a young mother and her child, en- 

This bill was introduced by Assemblyman Albert Burabling 

a family to remain together rather than being 

stein, chairman of the Model Adoption Legislation Adseparated. 

Most agencies that offer foster care servisory 

Panel for HEW in 1979, whose recommendations 

vices pay foster parents for their expenses. You 

could contact state or private agencies in your area 

included allowing adoptees age 18 and over to have 

access to their own unamended birth records. The bill 

to ask about this type of foster parenting. If the 

has been referred to the New Jersey Assembly Committee 

agencies in your area do not allow mothers and babies 

to stay together in the same foster home, this will 

on Institutions, Health and Welfare. New Jersey residents 

should write to their own assemblymen to urge 

provide you with an opportunity to educate the agency. 

their support of Bill 2015. Others of us can lend our 

If they do encourage this service, you could apply to 

support by writing to: 

become a foster parent for a young family. 

New Jersey Assembly Committee 

on Institutions, Health and Welfare, Assemblyman 

I£ you feel ready to discuss your experiences with ad- George J. Otlawski, 'chairman, 717 convery ~lbd. 

option, you might want to consider talking with the Perth Amboy, NJ 08861. 

lkgislators in your state about possible changes in 

MISSOURI--Senate Bill 177--"After attaining the age of 

your state's laws. You can monitor proposed bills in 

21, an adopted person may apply to the court to examine 

your state and let Pat Palmer, CUB'S legislative rethe 

court record of the adoption proceedings to deterporter, 

know details of pending legislation and the 

mine the natural parents, and the court shall order 

names and addresses of key legislators to whom CUB 

the record open for inspection upon written applicamembers 

can write. 

tion. 'I 

A very important possibility to consider is making appointments 

to talk with directors of agencies in your 

area. If each CUB member could change the attitudes 

of just one agency, countless families would be spared 

the trauma of separation, Others you might want to 

talk with are people in Legal Aid or Legal services, 

Letters of support may be sent to Senator Norman Merrell, 

Senate Post Office, State Capitol, Jefferson 

City, MO 65101. Missouri residents should also contact 

their own state senators. 

WASHINGTON--House Bill 84--Called "The Adoption Rights 

,

....:.... ... .... 

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/ \ . . . . . ,. . . . . . s .. ,. 

I . . . . . 

. . . : , '. 

, . . ., .. 

. .. ... .. . . . . . .'('I 

. 

. . ... 

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. . . . . . 

. . . . . 

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. . 

Bill," the main provisions of H.B. 84 would permit an 

adopted adult, 21 years of age or older, to locate 

birthparents through the use of court records. A 

confidential intermediary would actually make the 

search and initial contact with the birthparent. The 

bill provides that the birthparent must give consent 

before being contacted by the adopted adult. 

This legislation is sponsored by State Representative 

Rod Chandler, an adoptive parent, who wrote the following 

in a letter to a Washington CUB member; "I 

feel that when they become adults, if they choose, it 

is their right to know their origin. John and Amy 

will not love me and their mother any less because 

they know who bore them. They know they are adopted 

now. But, at least, that great curiosity could be 

satisfied and they would need no longer wonder. Finally, 

I have met a number of adopted adults who have 

met their birthparents. In every case, the adoptive 

parents and birth parents have found a delightful 

friendship which could only come of this unique relationship. 

I would urge your support of H.B. 84 and 

welcome your comments and suggestions. I' 

Representative Chandler's address is: 214 House Office 

Building, Olympia, WA 98504. Washington residents 

should also express their views on H.B. 84 to 

their own state representatives. 

CONNECTICUT--Bill #6443--This bill seeks to correct 

an injustice - in the legislation - 

on adoption passed in 

1977, which gives the adult adoptee (or parents of a 

minor) the right to obtain specific non-identifying 

information about his/her birthparents. This would 

include medical and genetic histories, as well as 

relevant social information. Birthparents do not 

have the right to see this very personal information 

about themselves, yet these records have been made 

available to others. Bill /I6443 will be beneficial 

to birthparents as well as to adoptees and adoptive 

parents who could be assured of receiving accurate 

and updated health information. 

For more information on this legislation, contact Donna 

L. Mocarsky, Connecticut CUB Coordinator, P.O. Box 

526, Rocky Hill, CT 06007. 

I want to thank all of you who have sent me legislative 

information. Please remember there is a time gap 

of up 

. 

to six weeks between the time I receive your information 

and the time it goes out to our members in 

the next Communicator, so it is important that you 

send me the information as soon as possible. I would 

appreciate receiving more details about the legislation 

groups are working on in Louisiana, Wisconsin, 

and Minnesota. And I want to urge - all CUB members to 

get involved and join in the efforts to humanize adoption 

by expressing your views on the bills presented 

in the Communicator to the appropriate persons. We 

need everyone's help! 

~atricia Palmer, Legislative 

Reporter (address on back) 

Rep. Joseph Niehaus is at it again! This time he has 

submitted a bill (H,F. 105) which would require family 

planning services receiving public money to notify 

the parents or guardians of minors before advising them. 

on abortion, sterilization or contraceptive use. I am: 

particularly concerned about the "contraceptive use". 

part of it. Many teens would rather take their chances:. 

on getting pregnant than tell their parents they need ! 

advice on contraceptives. This would result in more '; 

abortions, adoptions, and teensbecoming parents when 

they aren' t ready to support a family. please write 

to Representative James Swanson, Rm. 226, State Office 

building, Mpls., MN 55155, He is the chairman of the 

House Health and Welfare Committee. The Senate Com- 

I 

panion Bill is S.F. 349. 

.......................................... 

MUTUAL HELPFULNESS : BI RTHPARENT PROBLEMS 

AN ADOPTIVE PARENT RESPONDS TO SARA, WHOSE 

LETTER APPEARED IN THE 2/81 NEWSLETTER: 

As an adoptive parent, I would like to address some of 

the questions posed by Sara in the February newsletter. 

hly husband and I feel fortunate in that our private 

agency is sending messages from us to our daughter's 

birthmother. I write nearly every month and send 

photos. 

'I 'I 

To date, L has not sent any letters to us or to 

Christina. We hope that she will choose to communicate 

with us, if she has any questions or concerns in the 

future. 

I trust our agency, but I sometimes wish that I could 

write directly to "L.'I 

I have her address, but I continue 

to communicate via the agency, not wanting to 

invade her privacy. 

As you mentioned, Sara, adoptive parents do have unanswered 

questions. If I were to meet HLII , as I hope to 

do in the near future, I don't know where I'd start. 

I feel luckier than some, in that I have a copy of 

Christina's original birth certificate; her mother's 

name, address, birthday, high school and phone number, 

and photo. But with knowing this much, I very much 

would like to get acquainted with "L1' and be able to 

share Christina with her. I have many questions about 

Christina's birth family, her birthfather, ctc. 

I encourage you to write to the agency, and I pray that 

you will obtain results. I know that our family would 

be delighted to give our daughter a message, tangible 

proof of her mother's love. 

Best wishes to you, Sara! 

Anne Calvert, Davenport, ;A 

I am writing about what to do about a doctor's 1nalpr:lctice, 

so that other women won't be treated as I was. 

Three years ago I was very unknowledgable. I had my 

first pap test done by a gynecologist. I told hcr my 

periods were very irregular and I had had the last one 

about five months before. She didn't say anything. 

She said that I had a yeast infection and that was 

probably the reason my period was late. Since she wa:; 

a doctor I believed her and went away with the medic;^t 

ion she prescribed. 

About a month later I called her and she told me to

make another appointment. 1 was 5 months pregnant by 

then and still didn't know it, After she examined me 

again she prescribed more medicine and again stated 

my problem was a vaginal infection. T accepted her 

diagnosis. 

A few days later while exercising, I began to feel 

cramping and went to the emergency room at a nearby 

hospital to be checied. There they told me I was about 

3 months pregnant. I couldn't believe it. After all, 

I was seeing a gynecologist and that was supposed to be 

her specialty. 

Frightened, I went to an abortion clinic and the doctor 

there said I was at least 5 months and he could not 

perform the abortion, so I should see specialists at 

the university about a saline. By this time I was so 

petrified I didn't know which way was straight. 

I had ultrasound done at the university, and it showed 

I was 6% months pregnant. I went to our Catholic Social 

Services agency, where they made all the arrangements 

and told me not to worry about anything. Two 

months later I had a beautiful baby son. I looked at 

my baby and held him, and it just about killed me tg 

give him away to a total stranger. ~ver~thing happened 

so fast. 

I confronted my original doctor with all the evidence 

that I had been pregnant under her care, but she just 

laughed and said, "Go ahead and sue, if you want this 

Nazi in Germany and had been active in Hitler's Nazi 

youth groups.. The other twin hadbeen'raised as a 

Jew and had emigrated to israel. Despite such oppo- - 

site environments, the twins discovered that their 

personalities and interests were very similar. 

Women twins' examinations revealed that both had the 

beginning of an identical heart problem. Another set 

of twins were found to have a rare thyroid problem 

not known to be hereditary. Tastes, interests, the 

names they gave their children were often the same. 

Personality and intelligence seemed to have little to 

do with environment. While an environment that lacks 

stimulation can retard the intelligence and personality, 

any environment that provides sufficient stimulation, 

no matter how diverse, will result in the 

person's developing according to the dictates of his 

genes. Such personality features as how often each 

twin laughed and what years they had trouble in school 

were constant. On intelligence tests, they scored 

within 4 points of each other. 

The research is not yet completed and will not be published 

until further study has been completed. This 

study is one that will be discontinued if President 

~eagan's 

though, preliminary 

proposed budget 

results 

cuts 

seem 

are 

to 

accepted. 

confirm what 

For 

many 

now, 

have long thought--heredity matters far more than 

previously suggested, while environment has less influence 

on development. 

I' 

publicized. Besides I have insurance, you know. 

.......................................... 

I want to make sure no other girl gets in the bind I 

did by seeing this incompetent doctor--what should I 

do? 

Bridget, WI 

One response to Bridget's letter follows: 

Gather all your evidence (medical records, paid bills) 

and make copies and send a letter of complaint to the 

AMA, the state licensing agency, and any other professional 

society the doctor might belong to (American 

Society 0.B.-Gyn. or whatever). You will probably 

accomplish more this way than by trying to sue. It's 

1 nearly impossible to get a doctor for malpractice. 

I 

Gail Hanssen, MA 

I 

I 

I 

PERSONAL1 TY MOSTLY HERED I TARY 

NBc-TV's Magazine, on March 6 featured research done 

with identical twins who were separated at birth and 

raised in different environments. The studies are being 

conducted in Minnesota and preliminary results are 

very interesting. The twins are tested extensively on 

medical, dental, and psychological examinations. 

One set of male twins who did not meet until they were 

39 discovered that both had first wives named Linda, 

second wives named Betty, they had both named their 

sons'James Allen, had each named their childhood dog 

Toy. The similarities extended to activities as well. 

Each had worked as a deputy sheriff and their hobby 

was carpentry. 

Another set of male twins had been separated since 

very early childhood, One twin had been raised as a 

UNLIKELY COINCIDENCE REUNITES PIOTHER & SON 

An Australian woman who had surrendered her infant son 

10 years earlier has been reunited through a curious 

coincidence: he is the adopted son of the.man she 

plans to marry. 

The woman, Ms. Shirley Rider, gave birth to her son 

at a home for unwed mothers in Adelaide. In a newspaper 

interview she said that she has never recovered 

from the trauma of surrendering her baby for adoption. 

She had always hoped they might meet one day. 

She was introduced by a mutual friend to the boy's 

adoptive father 11 months ago. After they discussed 

their lives she began to suspect that Shane was her 

son. Adoption officials confirmed the relationship, 

but Ms. Rider said she had had no question. "We are 

so much alike. To me there is no question. 'I The 

boy's adoptive parents are divorced. 

Shane, told of the discovery over the family dinner 

table last week, said he was confused by the news. 

"But I can handle it," he said. "I feel good." 

THE BONDING ISSUE 

Mary Ewins had suggested that w e adopt as our motto 

the following statement: THE BOND BETWEEN A MOTHER 

AND HER BABY, WHICH BEGINS IN UTERO, IS UNBREAKABLE. 

I did a little research into the subject' to see what 

scientific data we could get to back up what we all 

know intuitively to be true.

I remembered an artic1.e T, h4d read in Mothering magazinc, 

Fall 1979, entitled "A Letter in Response to 

I 'Death and the Midwifet" by Diane White. Diane, a 

I 

-midwife, wrote sf a young woman whom she met attending 

1 childbirth clasees. The woman asked Diane if she would 

attend her birth ae a birth coach beceuse she was un- 

I married. She further disclosed that she planned to 

give her baby up for adoption. 

I' 

As we talked together over the ne;iL two weeks, I 

1 learned a great deal about this young woman, who understood 

herself very well. She had decided to bring her 

son home, to care for him and caress him, knowing that 

I 

I 

she would ultimately give him up for adoption, because 

as she expressed it, "I couldn't say good-bye to a 

stranger." On the day she did sign the adoption papers 

she cried tears of overwhelming grief ... Over the 

next two weeks she ate and slept poorly, caring little 

for her appearance; these are sizns 1 have seen used to 

describe people in deep mourning ... I began to wonder if 

a single mother who chooses to give her baby up for adoption 

experiences grief and mourning not unlike a 

mother experiencing a newborn's death. 11 

This midwife's sensitivity can be attested to by each 

and every one of us, I am sure. She is quite correct, 

our grief and mourning run deep, and perhaps in one 

sense are even more difficult than that of the tnother 

who experiences the death of her baby. Yes, we can 

take some comfort in knowing that out babies are alive 

and we1.l (at least we can hope) but unlike the poor 

grieving mother, we must suffer very quietly, usually 

in total secret. We have no consoling friends who come 

and visit and sit with us and hold our hands and bemoan 

our loss with us. We are told to forget, it's for the 

best. What right do we have to feel sorry for ourselves? 

Further research uncovered the following - quote from 

Maternal-Inf ant Bonding, by Marshall H, ~lauss and John 

11 

H. Kennel: Using the degree of mourning as a measure 

- 

of affect ional bonding, they (the researchers ) noted 

that affectional ties were present after birth even before 

tactile contact had been made. In each of the 20 

mothere whose infant had died, clearly identifiable 

mourning was observed. The mothers grieved whether the 

infant lived for an hour or twelve days, whether he 

weighed 3000 grams or a nonviable 580 grams, and whether 

the pregnancy was planned or unplanned. The presence 

of mourning in all mothers implied that significant affectionate 

bonding had been established by the time of 

of soon after the birth of the child. " This is evidenced 

by the grieving done after a miscarriage. 

... Yes, ladies, as if any of ua ever needed confirmation. 

..the confirmation is there. Kennel and Klaus are 

the highest regarded authorities on the subject of marernal-infant 

bonding and they confirm what we have all 

known all along: we are not crazy. The love we feel 

for our babies is real. We are permanently bonded to 

these creatures who once we carried within us. It 

I' 

would make more sense for authorities" on the subject 

to tell the mothers whose babies die to forget that to 

tell us. Their loss, as unfortunate as it is, is over 

and done. Nothing can bring back a dead baby. But 

our babies are not dead. Why then should we ever forget 

them? 

Marsha Riben, NJ 

MEET THE STUDENTS/STAFF OF C,'U 9 ,'s "B ,'E T~' 

ON YOUNG PARENTS PROGRAM 

APRIL became pregnant at fourteen years old. By 15, 

she was living on her own with her infant daughter, 

Bobby Jean. Now two years old, Bobby Jean is the 

spitting image of her father, who remains a good friend 

to both mother and daughter. April's own mother is now 

highly supportive of April, as well as of other young 

parents. Recently Lee called upon her when a young mother 

and her newborn, with no place to go after the hospital, 

were faced with separate foster homes. April's 

mother took them both in****.k 

Attractive, dark-haired BONNIE just turned 18. As her 

counselor at my second job in an alternative high program 

where Bonnie was a student, I've known Bonnie the 

1.ongest. Bonnie has had an up and down adolescence including 

a brief stay in a Youth Detention Center. It 

was shortly after her release that Bonnie became pregnant 

with Michael, now a healthy, robust two-month-old. 

Although Bonnie and Michael's father no longer date, he 

and his family care regularly for Michael. 

A young woman of great potential, Bonnie is now embarking 

in the adult world with her own apartment, motherhood, 

and to tie it all successfully together, new skill 

development in the business profession learned at CUB's 

training site. 

*-k**Jr 

EHIl.4, 18, is now pregnant with her second child, Her 

first, Matthew, is an active two year old. Health complications 

have led to extensive absence in our program 

and make it difficult to assess Emma's ability. Hopefully 

this will change and she'll soon be on her way to 

good health and someday a happy work-life too. 

**+

adoptive parent's desire to exercise control over how 

% 

a child learns he is adopted is a good enough reason 

for altering the birthplace on his birth certificate. We got our son when he was four days old. His birth- 

The justices stressed that right does not apply to the mother had lived with us five months before he was born - 

adoptive parents of foreign-born children, however. on February 4, 1955. 

Justice Morris Pashman, writing for the majority, said 

it is not "necessary for parents to demonstrate unique 

circumstances that might cause emotional problems for 

the child" in order to have the place of birth fnlsified 

on the birth certificate. He added that an adoptive 

parent's mere wish to avoid having an outsider 

learn of the child's background and tell the child 

was "good cause" for ordering the change. "Changing 

the birthplace on the birth certificate is one means 

of preventing this ," he said. 

New Jersey law permits falsifying the place of birth 

in all adoptions except those of foreign-born children. 

An adoptive father had brought the case to the 

New Jersey Supreme Court because the adoptive father, . 

identified only as "L.C.", planned to tell his adopt' 

ted daughter of her adoption some day" but wanted to 

wait until- he felt she was "emotionally ready. " The 

adoption took place in 1977 when the child was 2 years 

old. The adoptive father feared that if some outsider 

saw the birth certificate he might tell the child at 

an "inopportune time, thus risking emotional trauma 

and permanent psychological harm" to her. The father 

also stated that his daughter might be the victim of 

prejudice from school officials or classmates. 

The court agreed these were all valid concerns and 

constituted "good cause" for changing the birthplace, 

but they determined the law prevented the change for 

other reasons dealing with the government's need to 

know if somebody was born in a foreign country. The 

facts contained in a birth record were necessary to 

determine a person's right to vote, hold office, or 

in some cases to be a state employee. Under current 

law, a foreign-born child does not become an American 

citizen as soon as he is adopted by American parents. 

The child, or his parents, must wait two years before 

applying for citizenship. But even after the child 

becomes a naturalized citizen, his birthplace is never 

changed on the birth certificate. 

ANNUAL MEMBERS' MEET1 NG FOR CUB ANNOUNCED 

CUB'S annual meeting will be held on Sunday, May 24, 

at 2:00 p.m. The meeting is open to all paid members 

of CUB. Members who are present will vote on additions 

to CUB'S Board and on replacing or returning 

Board members whose terms are expiring. If you are 

interested in attending, the meeting will be held at 

5 Park Street, Boston, MA, and members are encouraged 

to attend. 

1981 NATIONAL 

LETTER FROM AN ADOPTIVE 

MOTHER 

She wrote to US later requesting a picture, but at the 

time we did not care to correspond with her, afraid I 

guess, so we did not respond to her. After all these 

years we feel he has n right to know her. 

I feel sure she would want this also. I hope if she 

reads this letter she will contact me. 

Aline Evans, Longview, TX 

NOTICE: TRY AGAIN, PLEASE 

Will the woman from Vermont looking for D. Tanner, PLEASE 

call me again. 

The Other D. Tanner, Ashtabula, OH 

ADULT ADOPTEES SOUGHT FOR SURVEY 

Ella Yerger, a master's degree candidate in social work 

at Catholic University in Washington DC, is seeking adult 

adoptees to complete questionnaires as part of a study 

she's doing. The study focuses on factors that differentiate 

those adoptees who search from those who do not 

search for their origins. Participants should be at 

least 18 years old; both males and females and searchers 

and non-searchers are needed. 

If you wish to participate, you can contact Ms. Yerger 

at 1104 Eastbourne Place, Silver Spring MD 20904 with 

your name and address for mailing the questionnaire. 

HAVE YOU READ ORPHAN? I 

Orphan Voyage is the story of Jean Paton's search for her 

birthmother. At the same time she was making this search 

she was setting up interviews and conducting research on 

the lives of other adoptees, who answered ads she placed 

in the Michigan newspapers. 

The book includes an in-depth picture of adoption without 

apologies, pretenses or avoidances. It includes contacts 

with adoptees from 18 to 80 and with adoptive parents. 

She traces the history of adoption as well as the feelings 

of adoptees. Jean signed the book with her own 

birth name, Ruthena, and the last names of her birthparents, 

Hill and Kittson, symbolic of how she found herself. 

Orphan Voyage can be ordered by calling (303) 856-3937. 

This is a Colorado telephone number, as Cedaredge, CO, is 

the headquarters of the adoptee group Orphan Voyage. 

ADOPT I ON CONFERENCE 

The Conference was announced in the March newsletter, but few details were available then. The 

fliers are not yet done, so I could not include one in this newsletter. However, since the May 

newsletter will probably arrive too late for many people to receive it in time to register for 

the conference , the details I do have are that the registration fee will be $60. People may 

register the evening of May 28 or wait until May 29. Workshops, etc. will be held on May 29, 

30, and 31. Cost of staying at the hotel will be in the $40'~ or low $50'~ per day, and the 

cost of meals is included. The conference site is Breech Academy, which is oh.ned and operated 

by TNA. I'm told it's "gorgeous." If you would like to attend, write to: Kansas City Adult 

Adoptees' Organization , Box 15225, Kansas City, MO 64106 to receive a conference registration 

form. Refer to your July, 1980 newsletter for a listing of last year's conference topics to get 

a better idea of what to expect. Hope to see you there1

USING OUR NAME WITH NO OKAY 

- We recently learned that a man who calls himself Dave, 

Jeff, Tony, and several other names, has been using our 

pen pal listing to find adoptees and birthparents who may 

be searching, then calls them and offers to do searches 

for a price, He has also, in some instances, used the 

names of CUB leaders, saying that they had suggested he 

call to offer his services. 

While it is not CUB'S policy to advise anyone against 

searching, on their own or with the use of a detective or 

other helper, we do want to make it clear to members that 

we are not referring memberst names to any person who 

wishes to do searches for a price. If you are contacted 

by such a person, PLEASE BE AWARE THAT CUB HAS NOT AUTH- 

ORIZED THIS PERSON TO USE OUR NAME IN ANY WAY, NOR CAN 

WE VOUCH FOR THIS PERSON. 

Mickey Carty, Ohio Rep., wrote to tell us that this person's 

ethics were terrible, that he had used her name in 

contacting members even though she had given no such authorization 

and did not approve of his methods. He was 

with an "organization" called Northeast Research (NEO) and 

had an address in the Cleveland area but is now'going 

through Lucy Pare in New Jersey. Reportedly, some folks 

have been pleased with his results, but many have been upset 

by his methods and his charges. CUB has no connection 

with this man, nor with anyone who contacts.members like 

this. 

.......................................... 

ADOPTEE SEARCHES, 

WITH MI XED RESULTS 

I chanced upon an old Better Homes and Gardens article 

mentioning your organization. I was lucky enough to find 

Carole Anderson in a nearby city (Ed, note: an adoption 

agency referred her to me). She provided me with much education 

on the adoption situation and much support dealing 

with my feelings as an adult adoptee. I received several 

issues of the Communicator and was overwhelmed by the ex- 

D O N A T I N G ? 

pressions of loss and heartache you, the birthparents, 

live with. Your love for your children gave me the hope, 

and the courage, to search for my birthmother. Within a 

short time 1 found her, and we plan to meet in April. 

She isn't like most of you; she does not feel your sense 

of loss. She gave up my four half-sieters later on. She 

couldn't remember my father's name. She has had a very 

difficult life ever since she was a young child, 

Though disillusioning and disappointing, I do not regret 

my find: I no longer feel as though I came from outer 

space. My - life with her would have been a horror story. 

I thank her for giving me up--I wish it would have 

been out of love. During my search, I located one 

of my half-sisters living nearby and have now met 

with her--our meeting was wonderful and we felt 

instant love. I have also been invited to visit 

my birth grandmother, my birthmother's foster parents, 

and-others who were happy about my search. 

I am writing to thank all of you for your heartaches 

and tears. I thank you birthparents who surrendered 

your children out of love and for holding 

them dear forever. Someday they may find out how 

lucky they are. I am starting a search and support 

group in Iowa City so I, too, can help them find 

you. 

Ruth Cornick, born Star Sienna Howe 

DO WE HAVE ANY ARTISTS - WILLING TO HELP? 

We would like an artist to help us by designing a 

cover for our Informed Choice booklet. We do not 

want to use the CUB bears because they have no meaning 

to the folks who will be using our booklet, and 

we do not want the cover to be completely plain. 

We have some ideas, but need someone with talent. 

If you have artistic skills, can you voiunteer? If 

so, write to Carole at the address on the back. 

,-------------------------------------------------- 

YOUR DONATION CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE by allowing CUB to develop and provide the information and materials we 

need to educate adoption professionals, the general public and those involved in adoption. 

- Package of 20 foldover notes imprinted with CUB logo, - 

Vinyl bumper sticker: "Birthparents Care... 

$5.00 donation. Forever. $1.00 donation. 

- Our booklet "Understanding the Birthparent, I' $3.00 

- 

- 

- 

donat ion. 

Yellow T-shirt with CUB logo and words "Birthparents 

Care...Forever" $6.00 donation. 

I Would Have Searched Forever, by Sandra Kay Musser. 

A book revealing one birthmother's true story. $7.00. 

- Birthmark, by journalist and birthmother Lorraine Dusky. 

Having made a commitment to surrender her child, 

Lorraine remains steadfast in her decision throughout 

her pregnancy. Like many other birthparents, it is 

only later that the enormity of her loss descends upon 

her, $7.00 donation. 

- 

Engraved Contribution Card honoring a beloved 

on a special occasion; to be mailed now or 

saved for the future. Specify occasion and 

the name of the honoree. If you would like this 

listed in the "Hope & Happinesst' column of the 

newsletter, be sure to specify how you would 

like it to appear and whether to use full names. 

Minimum separate donation of $5.00. 

Lost and Found, by Betty Jean Lifton, a noted 

adoptee author's synopeis of the adoption experience. 

Includes many examples. $10.00. 

- neath by Adoption, author and feminist, Joss 

Shawyer, minces no words as she lays bare the 

"The Social Worker's Role in Adoption," article by exploitation heaped upon young, single, or trou- 

Carole Anderson examining the feelings of birthmothers bled mothers. Taken from cases in New Zealand, 

at.surrender and the role of the social worker. $1.00. it proves the universality of the attitudes and 

biases ve. see in our own country. A dynamic 

- "The Birthparent's Right to Know," by ~e% Campbell, 

must-have accounting. $7.00 donation. 

CUB President. Reprint from the Summer 1979 issue of 

Public Welfare magazine. $1.00 donation. [CHECKS PAYABLE TO: CUB DEVELOPMENT FUND/

S E R V I C E S 

- 

MEETINGS: Meetings are held wherever there is a Branch. Sometimes Branches hold small group meetings in 

outlying areas. Occ&sionally Representatives hold meetings. Check back cover for the person nearest you 

to inquire. Or, consider being a Representative yourself! .) 

PEY? PALS: If you would like to correspond with a birthparent, adoptive parent, or adoptee our pen pal service 

can provide this opportunity. Write to HQ, and be sure to state whether it is okay to list your request 

in the newsletter or you prefer a private match. Read the pen pal listings and respond to others too. 

NEWSLETTERS: Funds permitting, we issue 12 Communicators per year. The newsletter provides your chance to 

shhre, SO contribute your thoughts by writing to Carole or to HQ. Specify whether to use full nameladdress. 

PROBLEM-SOLVING HELP: CUB members act as your consultants through the Birthparent Problems section of the 

newsletter. .If you'll shareyour problem, we'll print it and responses from others. 

REUNION REGISTRY: If you joined prior to 1981, and if you've sent birth statistics, you are in our Registry 

and will be notified if your adoption counterpart also registers. Others: to join now, complete a 

search referral coupon (available through HQ) and send a one-time-only fee of $5.00 to cover our costs. We 

are participants in the International Soundex Registry. 

SEARCH REFERRAL: If you feel you have worked through all your conflicts and are ready to search, we'll be 

happy to refer you to a search group. Write to HQ. 

BIRTHPARENT ADVOCACY: Confronting your adoption agency or court of jurisdiction for justice? We offer a 

manual, A Helping Hand, written by Gail Hanssen. The manual is a collection of sample letters and court 

petitions, so will be helpful in getting you started when you feel ready. Free to each paid member. 

CUB SISTER PROGRAM: Know someone who is experiencing an unplanned pregnancy? Or want to lend the kind of 

help only a person who's been there can give? Contact Charlene Justice (back cover) for more information. 

FAMILY ADVOCACY: Young, single parents need help after the decision to remain together haa been made, so 

they can stay together. These new parents need CUB Sisters too. Contact Charlene Justice (see back cover). 

LEGISWITION: Send our Legislative Reporter Patricia Palmer (see back cover) copies of proposed changes in 

your state's laws, including as much specific information as possible and the names and addresses of where 

to write. We'll ask members to rally to help with our letters! 

LIAISON SERVICE FOR MEMBERS: Often, members know the name and address of their adoption counterpart and ask 

us to act as a liaison. While we cannot assume any responsibility for the outcome, CUB does have experienced, 

caring liaisons who act in this capacity. Send HQ a brief letter and we'll match you with a liaison 

with whom you can negotiatemethod of contact, preferred subsequent communication, and payment of expenses, 

if any are incurred. 

LIAISON SERVICE FOR PROFESSIONALS: As above. However, purchase of services will be required. 

IN-SERVICE TRAINING SESSION FACILITATORS: Over time, we have developed and facilitated countless professional 

growth sessions for adoption and mental health practitioners. Purchase of services will be required. 

SPEAKERS' BUREAU: CUB leaders have spoken to colleges of social work, maternal and child health students, 

sociology students, and other related fields. A speaker's fee is required. Please make arrangements 

through your local CUB leaders (back cover) or contact HQ. 

CONSULTANT SERVICES FOR PROFESSIONALS: On the CUB staff are experienced, educated and aware persons who can 

ably evaluate and make suggestions on your materials and programs. Send HQ a brief description of your needs. 

Purchase of services will be required. 

RESOURCE FOR RESEARCH SCIENTISTS: Sometimes we participate in serious research projects. We'd be happy to 

consider yours, if you'll send details to HQ. 

MEDIA RESOURCE: CUB has responded to countless inquiries from publications, television and radio stations, 

thus spreading the word about CUB. If you are a journalist or producer, contact HQ and we'll put you in 

touch with someone nearby. 

4 

4 

J O I N I N G ? 

VOTING MEMBERS: Birthparents only. 

newsletter. 

Entitled to all services, voting privileges, 1 year subscription to the 

AUXILIARY MEMBERS : Non-birthparen ts who support our goals, professionals interested in increasing their understanding. 

Entitled to all services, invited to critique, 1 year subscription to the newsletter. 

. 

All members receive one free copy of our pamphlet "The Birthparent Perspective," with mre information on CUB, 

- 

adoptions past and future, teen pregnancies and sex education. Each member is also entitled to one copy of 

- 

our manual, "The Helping Hand." Extra copies are available'@ 50C each through HQ. Back issues of the newsletter 

are also available through HQ, @ 75C each. Dues are $15.00 per year for all members, with lifetime ,. 

dues of $150.00 also available. Foreigners add $5.00 to cover the cost of additional postal costs. All 

checks should be made payable to CUB, Inc. If you live within 100 miles of a branch, send your dues to your 

branch. All others should mail dues to HQ. Your newsletter address label shows the date your membership is 

to be renewed.

CUB's officer8 are choeen by CUB'S Board of Directors from among its own membership. In even-numbered years nominations 

for the Board are accepted from any member. At the annual meeting that year a nominating ckittee ie chosen from among 

the attendeee. The nominating committee aelecte a elate from among the nomination8 submitted, and offere it to the remaining 

attendees, who then vote ite approval or request an alternate elate. 

Lee H. Campbell Sandra X. Musser Carole Anderson Gail M. Hanssen Susan Daggett 

President Vice President, Vice President, National Secretary National Treaeurer 

Branch Administration 

Public Education 

37 E. Walnut Avenue 1141 Independence 

REPRESENTATIVES 

JOB DESCRIPTION: Educator of CUB and birthparenthood JOB DESCRIPTION: Educator of CUB and birthparenthaod and 

within 100 mile radius of area. Does not handln money or provider of support services for birthparcnte within 100 

keep books. 

mile radiue of area. 

Branch. 

SPECIAL NOTE TO MEMBERS: If you live within 100 miles of a 

SPECIAL NOTE TO MEMBERS: Do NOT eend renewal or dues to Branch, DO send it your renewal or dues, as they keep half 

Representatives. Send directly to HQ. to meet needs in your area. 

CALIFORNIA 

PENNSYLVANIA 

Westminsrer area: 

Philadelphia area: 

Jana Vee Shedlock Cheryl E. Kirker Sandee Tuccio 

7571 Weorminster Avenue 6808 Ridge Avenue 

CALIFORNIA 

CALIFORNIA 

Randi Benson 

Janet Scarpati 

P.O. Box 726 

CONNECTICUT 

Rocky Hill area: 

Donna Mocarsky 

Pittsburgh area: 

118 B Malcolm Avenue 

Pittsburgh, PA 15212 

Eileen B. Sammarone 

2 Sterner Ln. 

P.O. Box 396 

(Southern NJ 6 

southeastern PA) 

Brenda Rodriguez 

Joanne A. Howard 

3374 Aztec Rd., Apt. 35C 

Doraville, GA 30340 

Gail A. Smith 

1101 Grant Place 

OTHER LEADERS 

atri ci a Palmer 

egislative Reporter 6 

Claudia Smith Neweletter Distributor Charleen JUS ti ce 

213 S.W. Flynn Drive CUB Sister Program Coordinator 

Ankeny, IA 50021 

Valentine Sutton/Liz Eagle 

Carol Gus tavson 

Project Coordinators 

12709 Proepect Knolls Drive Liaison Service Coordinator Agency Questionnaire 

Bowie, MD 20715 

Wri te to any of the CUB leaders, offi cers, or board mew 

Robin Lee Ryant bcrs at the addresses listed. If there is no address 

Star Rt. 2, Box 233 Milwaukee, WI 53211 listed, write to the person at iip--messages are forwarded. 

CaraLa Anderson Donald DiCuiseeppe Sandra Muaeer Phyllis Silverman 

Lee Campbell Carol F. Gustavson Charleen Juetice Mary Jo Hillera plus Drench 

Suasn Daggett Gail M. Hanesen Dobby Lyman Patricia Patti - Coordinators 

NATIONAL HEADQUARTERS: CUB, INC,, P,O, BOX 573, MILFORD, MA 01757 (617) 473-2863

. . . 

+ ' . 

A pot pourri of things to share ... . . 

Have you made your plans yet to attend the American Adoption Congress' Third Annual 

Conference to be held this month? I do hope you'll be able to go. Last year I went to the 

Second Annual with a bad case of burn-out. 1 returned home rejuvenated; my energy still 

surging today! Others who attended also received a very healing dose of whatever medicine 

they required. Gail Hanssen, our National Secretary, will be our representative this year. 

Please be sure to introduce yourself to her - she's the very special, diminutive, bespeckled one! 

At the site of our B.E.T. On Young Parents' Prograln, our young mothers and I are 

beginning to operate our newly donated typesetting machine. Because the majority of the 

Communicator is put together by our Iowan editor, Carole Anderson, only a few pages of our 

newsletter will reflect our efforts. Mostly, we'll be doing special projects, like our 

Choices, Chances, and Changes is our informed-choice pamphlet for those whose parenthood 

is in jeopardy. For years, we've been trying to pull this together. Carole Anderson performed 

the final herculean task that made it happen. As soon as it comes back from the printer, 

we'll post notice of it's availability in our "Donating" column. No doubt, you'll want a few 

copies; not only for your local pregnancy counselling centers, but for yourself, as it will help 

clarify what was going on "back then" with you. 

Computerization is another task, albeit administrative, on the drawing board. With 24,000 

pieces of information on hand (and more coming in), together with the threat of losing our 

"Bet'' program in October due to federal cutbacks, it behooves us to look at alternatives to our 

"by-hand" system. 

Computerization would also allow us to expand our reunion file- a growing vision of mine. 

Recently we made two more matches, (a 63 year old birthmom and her 40-ish son; and a 42 

year old birthmom and her 22 year old daughter). This was the third in quick succession. We 

seem to be on a streak! As we file the mounds of recent registrants, we should discover still 

more. Encourage your adoption-related friends to take advantage of our current, low, 

one-time-only fee of $5.00 and send us their information - maybe their missing counterparts are 

among our 13,000+. 

As you can see, your love and financial support has enabled us to do quite a bit of work 

in our four brief years (our fifth anniversary comes in July!), Now, there are two upcoming 

issues in which we could use your farsightedness. 

If there's anyone you'd like to see nominated to our Board of Directors, please let us know 

by May 10 1981. And, after looking over "C.U.B's 18 Services", if you'd like to make suggestions 

for improvement, please advise by June 1st. Please address nominations and suggestions 

to: C.U.B's Dover Office, 595 Central Ave. Dover, N.H. 03820. Please do NOT put anything 

else in the envelope. 

Till next month-- 

A Brief Word About The C.U.B. Communicator 

Submissions are always welcome! Please submit each topic on a separate page and mail to 

Carole Anderson at address on back cover. 

Send address changes early. It takes about 5 - 6 weeks after it is typed before your newsletter 

reaches you, and third class mail is not forwarded, 

Back issues of the Communicator are available at $1.00 each. through Headquarters. 

@ U.S.A. C.U.B Inc, All rights reserved.

ADOPTEE' S SEARCH DIARY 

>ly article began when my search tias at a very 

high peak. The following paragraph was written 

on February 18th: 

I found her this week! I've been looking 

passive1 y since last summer, actively 

since my thirty-third birthday December 

29th. I' ve been VERY lucky--everything 

clicked just right and quickly. My 

search has been the exception, I guess; 

I mean a find in less than 6 months? Everybody 

else searches for years and I've 

found her after only 7 weeks of concerted 

effort. These last two weeks have seemed 

an eternity. We were so close and then so 

far from a find, and then in an instant we 

had her full name and a11 the particulars. 

My wife's been a major part of this search. 

She's been the strong shoulder I've needed 

at times ... also the pusher when I've been 

re1 uctant . 

AS I write this we are awaiting the "fallout" 

from my intermediary's initial contact. 

We are high, we are anxious, we are 

depressed, we are worried, we are confused. 

Above all I'm lost and I am found. 

Two weeks later, Narch 2nd, I sat down again 

but only two lines got written. They read: 

~t a ll felt that way 10 days or so ago. 

I've come down from the high many times. 

=It that point I had heard nothing from my 

birthmother. She knew that a second contact 

would soon be made, based upon my intermediary's 

letter. The second contact would include 

a letter from me, an older snapshot of 

just me and 3 brief letter from my intermediary 

explaining that telephone contact would 

be made one week hence. The first letter had 

included information about me, a picture of 

me, my wife, and two children, a lengthy 

reassuring message from my intermediary, who 

is also a birthmother, and the promise of 

sending Lost and Found in a separate package. 

AND THEN RELIGION AND THE LAW GOT INVOLVED. .. 

Everything came to a roaring halt. bIy birthmother 

contacted a priest who said in effect 

to leave this in the past--let sleeping dogs 

lie. Odd advice from a clergyman, or anyone 

for that matter, especially since I had initiated 

cont:act. I-le also recommended an attorney 

be contacted. He was and shortly 

thereafter my intermediary was contacted by, 

l~im, The second letter was already en route 

so his request that we cease and desist in 

our efforts was moot. The following letter 

arrived a week later: 

Your letter to Mrs. 

has 

been referred to me for answer. Mrs. 

is not interested in having 

you pursue this matter any further. 

Personal and health problems are part of 

her reason; however, she feels strongly 

that after thirty-four (sic) years the 

matter should be at rest. The undersigned 

(attorney) had a telephone conversation 

with (intermediary's name) 0'7 

March 3, 1981, who advised that the discussion 

would be related to you. I trust 

that you will abide by Mrs. ' s 

decision. 

SLAM went the door, and finally on March 11 

I wrote the following: 

The emotions have changed and the tone of 

my search and find has taken on dark, sad, 

bitter and definitely disappointing characteristics. 

I'm lost again, as it were. 

"Shen wants to stay in the past, or so 

"she's" been advised by her priest. "She" 

has gone to an attorney. He's informed 

me of her intent that this is "water over 

the dam" and it should stay there. I JUST 

CAN'T BELIEVE ANY OF THIS IS HAPPENING 

THIS WAY. I JUST CAN' T BELIEVE IT. I 

hadn't really ever felt as if I had been 

rejected at birth but now I do and now 

it's happening a second time. I really 

think I was rejected the first time and 

I'll always feel that way until I know the 

real reason now. Let sleeping dogs lie. 

How I was thrilled to find out that I 

didnl t come from a file cabinet, and now 

that file cabinet is beckoning me back 

like a magnet. But I can't go back, and 

she can't let this stay "in the past. I# 

For now I've sent her a birthday card and 

I'm living with disappointment and rejection. 

It's very sad. Sorry, CUB parents, 

they all don't want to be found. 

Which brings me to now. I'm still disappointed, 

my bitterness comes and goes. And 

my anger, we11 that's here to stay, I thinl~. 

I'm determined not to let sleeping dogs lie. 

I'll continue to quietly try and get information. 

I've got siblings and 1'11 try LO 

find them. More than ever I want to talk 

;it11 her but she's not enlightened like you 

birthparents are. She's got to have some 

time and I'm willing to wait; maybe in six

I 

1 . 

months she'll realize that she may be able to had forced me to sign only because it was 

leave this in the past but I can't. 

the best thing to do for my baby, but in 

Maybe she'll also find that I'm no threat. 

talking to Mom she stated that she did not 

I'm feeling indifferent to her and to her 

want to have to finance raising her. I did 

feelings now, though I was very concerned 

have money then in the f0.m of an inheritance 

before. 1t's my feelings and needs that are 

that I could have received in order to help 

nore important to me now. For the moment 

raise my child. Part of it has since gone 

. 

into the house 

I'm in a 

I now live in. 

holding pattern, living my life 

I'd give anyever 

aware of a woman who gave me birth and 

thing to have my dau.ghter instead of the 

house. My parents live in a house that is 

who doesn't wish to pursue this matter any 

completely paid for and they have thr-ee more 

further. I do and I will ... in time. 

homes they rent out. I get so made and hurt 

George Mitchell, IA to think that they thought more of their 

................................... money than they did their own granddaughter. 

ON PARENTS 

I. love my parents. I always have and always 

will. But I have to say that I do resent 

them for forcing me to surrender my 

firstborn--my daughter. That will always be 

between us. I was sent from Ohio to New 

Jersey to an unwed mothers' home. Everything 

said and done was under the name of 

Christianity. As we've all heard, "It ' s 

best for the chil'd to have two parents that 

I 

can give her everything' she needs. I' I 

was 18 at the time. I still had a year of 

school left and no money ... or so I thought. 

The only time, I saw my parents was before 

Thanlcsgiving when I prayed they would take 

me back home and let me keep my baby. But 

when they left I know there went my last 

hope. 

My parents and I talk freely about Stephanie 

and sometimes it hurts so bad that I have to 

leave the room or hang up the phone. No 

matter what, I love my parents, but I cannot 

help feeling that material things kept my 

daughter and myself apart. 

I now have three more children whom I dearly 

love. Sometimes I want to hurt my parents 

by not letting them ever see the children 

again, but that too would hurt the little 

ones and I could never do that. So now, my 

parents listen to me talk of my work with 

CUB and of my search for Stephanie, which 

they are against. I hope they are listening 

with an open mind. I think now they are only 

beginning to realize the pain I have been 

suffering for the past seven years. 

Darla Burrier, OH 

When my daughter was born December 31, 1973 

CUB Rep in Ohio 

my mom flew in the next day. I made her 

walk down to the nursery to see her grandchild, 

thinking that now maybe seeing the PEN PALS 

baby, she would change her mind about forc- Joanne Deering, 11823 NE 144th P1, Kirkland, 

- 

ir~g me to give her up. Again, no response. WA 937733. Would like to hear from anyone in 

011 the day I left the hospital, I had my 

baby with me for a long time just before 

the St. Louis, NO area so that I may learn 

more of my daughter's home town of Des Peres. 

leaving. I had been allowed to hold and feed My daughter will be 15 in July and I have 

her. I can clearly remember her looking into just found her. Also, can I help anyone with 

my eyes and my wishing she would never forget a search in the Seattle area? 

me. - The fourth day o? her little innocent 

,Carla Silsbee, 1312 Williamsburg Dr., Cham- 

Life it was time for me to sign the papers as 

paign, IL 61820. I am a 32 year old birthilly 

nloni had plane tickets to leave the next 

mother who would like to correspond with 

day. I told my caseworker and my mom that I 

another birthmother that stayed at the Foxdid 

not want to sign the surrender papers. 

hill Home in Batavia, IL. I was there from 

Ncitl~er listened to my pleas. I was not giv- 

May, 1969 to September, 1969. 

cn a choice in the matter, although I was 

told about foster care, they said it would IZp2y1 Elltius, 14.605-56th Dr. NE, Marysvillc, 

just cost more money to have to fly back to WA 98270. One who surrendered about 15 years 

L- 

New Jersey to sign the papers later. 

1111ti.l recently, I thouglit that my parents 

ago, 111 3 U' s , preferably a born-again Christian.

I 

a 

,Nicole L. Poirier, 12409 Largo Dr., Apt. 

173, Savannah, GA 31406. 1 would like a 

penpal of mixed parentage, around the age 

of 30. I am a mulatto adoptee, originally 

from Massacl~usetts. I am presently searching 

for my mother. 

Jane Anne Mankis, 4029 Monticello Ulvd., 

Cleveland Hts.. OH 44121. . 

C. Linda Hotalinn, 2819 Winton Street, 

~hiladelphia, PA-19145. I wish to correspond 

with another young birthmother or 

birthfather. Also, anyone who like me was 

foster child or spent time in homes and 

institutions. 

Helen E. Maginley, Box 260-D, RD #1, Gouldsboro, 

PA 18424. I would like to hear from 

anyone who also had a baby at Springer Mem. 

and ~ater4i.t~ Hospital, ~ v e l ~ St., n Johnson 

City, NY. My baby girl, Cherial Lee, was 

born October 26, 1950. Would especially 

like to hear from someone who had luck in 

finding their surrendered child. Maybe 

Peggy D. of Hempstead, L.I. will also read 

this and contact me. The hospital has been 

closed for a number of years. If I can 

help someone, write me, I have had seven 

other children since I married, but I have 

not forgotten. 

.Gale Burlingame, Route 2, Tox 312-A, Gains- 

*-- -----.-- ---- 

ville, FL wishes to correspond with anyone 

who was in the Florence Crittenon Home in 

Savannah, Georgia. I was there in 1969. 

1 Also will correspond with any birthmother. 

---.- 2.- 9320 S.W. 170th St., Miami, FL 

Robie 

33157. I am interested in communicating - 

with anyone who has been involved in an adoption 

diruption either before finalization or 

afterward--triad member, social worker, relative 

of those involved. Confidentiality 

given. Material is for future publication. 

HOPE AND HAPPINESS 

Maureen Douglass wishes a happy birthday to 

her daughter, Marianne Denver, born March 

5, 1957. Hope we may share it one day 

r my daughter Alicia, who was born on 

ril 6, 1974, with hopes that someday I may 

e her again. The late songwriter Jim 

roce said it best: If I could save time in 

a bottle, the first thing that I'd like to 

do, Is to save everyday ti11 eternity passes 

away just to spend them w ith you.. .. 

Mary, Portland, Oregon 

Happy birthday to my daughter Rona Guysia 

Hope on her twelfth birthday April 12. You 

are always in my thoughts and prayers. Gale 

Hope Burlingame, Gainesville, Florida 

Joanne Deering has sent a contribution in honor 

of her daughter Mary's birthday July 12, 

1966. 

................................... 

ANOTHER PEN PAL REQUEST (HOW DID I GET 

SO DISORGANIZED?) 

Patrick W. McCabe, 353 Weymouth, Cambria, CA 

93428& I will be 60 this September and I'm 

looking for my sister Mary, who was adopted 

by a Mr. and Mrs. Charles Wilson about 54 

years ago in Spokane, Washington. The Wilsons 

had a home at that time at 203 Pear1 St., 

Rochester, NY and probably later in N.Y.C. or 

vicinity. They also had a son a few years 

older than Mary who went to Creighton University. 

Mary would now be 58 years old and it 

is believed her birthday is in December. I 

would appreciate help in locating her. 

HAPPY ENDING FOR ADOPTEE' S SEARCH 

The year 1980 ended beautifully. 

birthmother! 

4 

I found my 

She was located December 2, less than a month 

after the search began. I was able to meet 

with her December 11 through 18, thanks to my 

wonderful, supportive husband, who let me fly 

to Minnesota for the week. 

It was so wonderful to meet MY mother. I was 

able to meet my brother and sisters, and they 

were all very sweet and loving. It was amazing 

to see people who looked like me. 

I learned about CUB on the Phil Donahue Show, 

and before that I never realized that it was 

possible to locate my birthmother. Please 

try to get as much exposure as you can so 

others will see you and know there is hope. 

I want to thank you for being so helpful and 

for just being there. Thanks for referring 

me to Leaf in Minnesota, Sharon Ivers. Sharon 

was SO wonderful, worked so hard and found my 

mother so quickly, even though I had given her 

the wrong last name, She was great! I wish 

a11 adoptees could be as fortunate as I have 

been. 

Susan Sibilio, CA

GIVING HER DAUGHTER THE SUPPORT 

SHE HADN'T HAD TO KEEP HER OWN 

CHID 

I lost a daughter to adoption but raised 

my other four children. In 1972, my oldest 

daughter came to me telling me she 

was expecting. We gave her all the support 

we could and she kept her son, who 

was born June 29, 1973. She didn't marry 

so we brought: him home. I think of all 

the girls who don't get this support and 

how much it meant to my daughter. 

In. December, 1976 my daughter died in a 

tragic car accident. Her son has lived 

with us all his life. We are now adopting 

him but it is an open adoption and his 

father can visit because I know the hurt 

involved in closed adoption. I am still 

searching for my surrendered daughter and 

hoping I'll soon get a reply from the 

Adoption Consultant here in California. 

I wish I could have kept my daughter but 

it wasn't to be, but I wouldn't have been 

without the rest of my children. They 

are all with me searching for their sister. 

NUTUAL HELPFULNESS : 

Dorothy, CA 

BI RTHPARENT 

To Sylvia P., AK, whose letter appeared in 

the February newsletter: 

Sylvia, it sounds like the adoptive father 

is threatened; but, since the adoptive 

mother was open to your call there sounds 

like there is hope. With patience and a 

"soft-sell" approach you will probably 

succeed. Have 

. 

you considered using an intermediary 

to call the adoptive mother? 

If you have the address, a letter from the 

intermediary may be helpful. My best to 

you. 

Diane Robie, adoptive parent, FL 

Please print my letter in the next issue 

nf the Communicator. 

I recently wrote my agency, the Jewish 

Childrens' Bureau of Chicago, to release 

all protective secrecy of my file from 

19G7, when I was there as an unwed mother. 

1 3-150 asked for non-identifying information 

about the adoptive parents, that they 

5 

know of me, copies of anything written about 

me, and which court finalized the adoption. 

I did include personal, sincere feelings for 

the whole situation. 

Needless to say, I was rather disappointed 

with the reply. They sent me a case summary 

prepared by a caseworker that described my 

time with them. The rest of the letter 

I I 

stated that the adoption was finalized and 

we do not maintain contact with adoptive parents 

and their adopted children after the 

adoption is completed. We cannot give you 

any current information because we do not 

have any. We will keep your letter in the 

event that your daughter contacts us in search 

of you. We would get in touch with you. We 

will honor your request to make information 

available to the adoptive parents if they 

should contact us. I' 

The part that disturbs me is their having no 

contact with the adoptive parents. And why 

are they not willing to tell me which court 

finalized the adoption? 

Pam F, Green Bay, WI 

MI LFORD REVIS ITED--SUMMER, 

by Ann Sadler 

2. 

She sits across the desk 

looking powerful 

and ready; 

she has been here before 

many times, 

a messenger from the past 

bearing sealed information. 

Her face lights up. 

Aletta, she says, 

Aletta was your name. 

2. 

I carry this new knowledge-- 

a stranger - that I should know, 

to the town square, 

where the woman who raised me, 

that I call mother 

strolled me and talked to me 

on many restless afternoons 

when she was a lonely, young 

mother 

and where she wore her burden like a martyr 

because I was special. 

Aletta, I whisper. 

The ducks in the pond 

do not remember.

3. 

I go to the beach 

where I played as a young child. 

Night is approaching 

and teenagers 

are drinking and chasing their dreams 

down the beach. 

You were just a teenager 

when you carefully chose 

not Mary or Anne, but Aletta, 

to. be the name 

of that which you could not 

hold onto. 

I open my arms 

and should Aletta 

at the ocean, 

scream Aletta 

at all of the living 

that separates you and me. 

Mother 

my voice goes out to you-- 

a homing bird 

that will keep searching. 

I am your 

October morning 

daughter 

my spirit lives 

in the forest 

writes poems 

by water 

in autumn. 

And I too, am a woman 

who has had hard choices. 

4. 

The womb-like waves 

pitch inward. 

There is a gleeful magic 

inside of each living crest, 

and a calm 

that I've known only 

once before. 

For this moment 

we are again 

connected. 

YOUR FACE 

(FOR THE WOMAN WHO GAVE 

BIRTH TO ME) 

I am curious 

about your hair 

* the color of 

your eyes. 

Have you dreamt 

a face 

by Ann Sadler 

for me? 

A face 

the shape of a nose 

the way of a smile 

the image that is reborn 

when we remember a certain time 

or touch. 

I have been daydreaming your face 

for as long as I can remember. 

My luxury 

is that it changes 

according to the way 

1~fee1 the word mother; 

as a child 

it was a monster face. 

As a woman 

I often see it as wise 

and determined; 

tense at times, softer at others. 

I imagine that your eyes 

have'seen much and cried much 

arid have delighted 

in the settings of many suns. 

And, somehow I know 

that the way my daughters and I see the world 

is the way you, too, have seen it. 

They have told me your religion, 

which te.!ls me nothing. 

And they have told me that you fear 

what I might think of you; 

that you'll be too fat 

or too much to blame. 

I have written the letters 

traveled the miles 

and you have been found. 

As you decide, 

know that my face 

is a woman's face 

and is wrinkled 

too. 

GOOD NENS FOR THIS FATHER AND HIS CHILD 

Robert Terrazas, 29, an attorney whose former 

girlfriend surrendered their infant son, fought 

a successful legal battle for custody of his 

son. The legal battles lasted two years and 

cost $45,000 before a Tennesee court granted his 

right to raise his child. Terrazas had never @ 

seen his son before his court victory, and his 

first meeting with his child took place soon after 

in the presence of the boy's adoptive parents. 

The boy's adoptive parents had been aware of the 

father's lawsuit and knew that he had not surrendered 

his son and was able to care for him. 

Terrazas credited the adoptive couple with helping 

to ease the tension of the first meeting.

I 

He was also quoted as saying, "They were 

excellent parents. He's very well cared 

for ... he's loved an awful lot by an awful 

lot of people ... I had - no idea what he'd 

look like. He's very good looking--a 

healthy baby ... I had plans made for him a 

long time ago. I want to watch him grow, 

develop and mature as a man.... 11 

ABOUT BI RTHFATHERS 

To the new member who wrote that she is 

having difficulty dealing with her feelings 

about her child's birthfather and in deciding 

whether or not to contact him with regard 

to her having located their son: 

articles about this topic appeared in the 

~e~tember/October 1980 issue and thefNovember/December 

1980 issue of the Communicator. 

You can order these issues by sending $1.00 

for each to Headquarters. Be sure to specify 

which issue(s) you want. 

REUN I ON 

REMEMBER ELLYN (MITZI KOSS I SKI ' s DESCR IP- 

TION OF HER LONG SEARCH FOR HER BIRTtMOTHER 

AND HER BIRT~OTHER'S DELIGHT AT BEING 

FOUND (NOV,/DEC, so)? HAPPILY, SHE HAS 

WRITTEN TO TELL US OF THEIR JOYFUL REUNION 

I wanted to drop you a letter to let you all 

know that I can now share something with 

some people I have come to know as "the 

bestH--all of you at CUB! 

On February 21, I was minding my own business 

and scrubbing bathroom walls. My husband 

and my (new-found) brother Charlie had 

just gone to do some errands and I had some 

time to myself to do things that have needed 

to be done. The phone rang and when I answered 

it, I heard my mother's voice telling 

rile that they were in Indiana and they were 

on their way to Chicago and then Wisconsin. 

I told her I was really glad to hear her 

voice--1 had been going through withdrawal 

symptoms waiting to hear from them and to 

know when they were coming ... 

She and Jesse left Alaska on January 3rd to 

~noke their rounds in the lower 48 and I 

guess I lcnew that i.t was going to happen but 

yet I was afraid to adrr~it that: I would, indeed, 

come to know my mother and dad (stepclod, 

if you must). I called Mimi, and the 

first thing I could think of to say was, 

"She's real, Mimi, she's real!'' Of course, 

she always was real. I guess maybe to 

those of us who are adopted and do search, 

sometimes we don't realize that our moms 

1 I 

and dads are real. " Normally I hate scrubbing 

bathroom walls, but this time I did it 

with a new, numb and totally out of touch 

vigor. 

Can you imagine the fun I had telling my 

daughter who was coming and what a pure 

delight it was, for the first time in my 

life, to be giving some thought to what I 

would fix for this first dinner with my 

mother? I just had a ball. As it turned 

out, I found that I could only cope with 

ham, potato salad, and rolls but we all 

wound up in the kitchen snacking anyway. 

I was pacing the floor and driving everyone 

completely nuts, My very best friend Penny 

was coming with her husband Bob because 

she and Bob had lived through the nerves, 

frustration, joy and near-death feelings 

- 

more times than I could possibly count. We 

wanted pictures of the occasion and I wanted 

to share the occasion with those dearest to 

me. So they came and readied the camera 

while I watched the road and paced. Before 

too long, I noticed a car that went past, 

slowly, about four times. Finally this 

I I mystery car" turned in our driveway. I 

saw somebody get out of the car and start up 

the walk, then turn back to the car. I just 

froze and then ran out and grabbed her before 

she got away. She had only come partway 

because she had seen the macrame hanging 

tablellight she and Jesse had made us for 

Christmas so she knew they were in the right 

place and was going to tell Jesse. I literally 

attacked the poor lady on the sidewalk 

and we hugged for the first time. It 

was cold out and I didn't have a coat on, 

but all I felt was WARMTH! Then I hugged 

Jesse too. This is the wonderful husband 

who got my call first in Alaska, and who 

had shared all of this part of herlour life 

with mother all along. He is really a true 

and loving and understanding husband. 

At any rate, we came in the house and my 

husband Herb, who is not great about hugging, 

couldn't even help himself on this 

occasi.on. Mom wallced over to him and put 

her arms around him and he reached around 

and gave her a big one too. The girls, 

Melanie and Sarah, got their hugs and I saw 

a very special grandpa pick up our Sarah and

give her a terrific grandpa hug she had 

waited for so long. I can't tell you how 

my heart was filled at that moment. We 

spent the rest of the evening in our kitchen, 

the heart of a home, talking and 

laughing and remembering and hearing about 

all sorts of crazy moments in the life of 

my family. Even though I hadn't always 

been able to share these years with them, 

I felt as though I had. I felt like Mom 

had always been there and I quickly learned 

that, in spite of being kept apart, SHE 

HAD ! 

I think the best part of my day came when 

we all finally gave up around 1 a.m. and 

decided that bed looked pretty good. My 

mom and I said good night to each other 

with a hug and a kiss and an I love you or 

two. It was a moment I had wanted and 

cried for and longed for so many, many 

nights. 

We settled down and the phone rang again 

and it was Kathy (my sister from ~klahoma). 

They were still up down there many miles 

away, celebrating our good fortune in Wisconsin. 

She and her husband and sons 

couldn't be with -us, but they were sure 

there in spirit--in more ways than one, I 

think. I have never been surrounded with 

so much love, so much hope and so much joy 

in such a special way in my entire life. 

On Sunday we all G piled into the car,and 

made the two hour trip to Illinois to meet 

the most special man and woman in my life, 

my Grandpa and Grandma Taylor. I know you 

remember that he was my first contact with 

my birthfamily. If I get going on Grandma 

and Grandpa, this will turn into a book! 

We ate lunch with them and in addition to 

meeting my grandparents, we met some of my 

aunts and we also met my Uncle Jimmy. Are 

they a terrific bunch of family I've got! 

A lot crazy, a lot loving and I can't even 

begin to tell you. 

On Monday Noln and Jess and Charlie left. 

When I got home from work that night, there 

were such terrific smells in our house to 

come home to. I came into a kitchen which 

had been touched with so much love and joy, 

and my nose detected a big difference, as 

did my heart. There was Herb, sitting at 

I1 

the table, with a note that was to their 

I 

I special son--HerbH and in it Mom had told 

him that she wanted to do something special 

i 

for him. All she could think of to do was 

to greet him when he came home from work with 

good smells in the kitchen. Well, they sure 

did. And Melanie was wild with joy when she 

saw that Grandma had made her favorite food-- 

spaghetti. Our home was very quiet in comparison 

to what the weekend had been, but we 

had some time to digest what all had happened 

to us. . 

I look forward to next weekend when Mom and 

Jesse come back and possibly Uncle Jimmy will 

be stopping with them. But what I look forward 

to most is that my adoptive parents and 

I1 

the oldest of my two growing-up" brothers 

and his wife may come in to spend some time 

with all of us on Saturday afternoon. Before, 

when I anticipated this reunion, I had balked 

when my adoptive mom had said something about: 

I1 

telling stories and sharing pictures, " but 

somehow after meeting my mother and. seeing 

that she's just like any other human being-- 

she crochets and has some arthritis like millions 

of other moms in the world, I just knew 

that we would only be richer by these two 

spectacular sets of parents coming to know 

each other. Adoptees have to come to realize 

that birthmoms have hopes, dreams, joys, ups, 

downs, in-betweens, words of wisdom,, touches 

of love and aches and pains just like anyone 

else. There has always been such a mystique 

around birthparents and adoptive parents and 

yet, when all is said and done, they have so 

much in common--they love their kids! It is 

so simple and yet it is made so complex by so 

many others that it all gets needlessly messed 

up in the works. 

I've been giving a lot of thought as I look 

back over my search and the years it's taken 

to complete it, what I had to do and say to 

get to this point. I have mostly been 

thinking about what so many said about the 

negative points of birth/adoptive families and 

their children coming together. I have tried 

to Eind something--even one small particle-- 

of negative in this entire part of my life. 

There just isn't any. I have witnessed more 

love, more faith, more healing, more caring, 

more joining of forces, more EVERYTHING positive 

in one short weekend than most people are 

blessed with in a lifetime. My reunion has 

been so complete and open that I can scarcely 

believe it. Everybody has told me in so many 

ways and on so many occasions how much it has 

meant to them to have me find them, that in 

many ways this has brought the entire family 

completely together again. Well, I find mysel 

thinking how much it has given my life for t h ~

to accept and love me so beautifully, I 

think it is a case of what a family is 

really all about ... eachadding something 

special to the life of the other. 

I, my husband, my children and all who 

know me are richly blessed. I feel stronger, 

fuller, more complete and very, very loved 

by TWO of the BEST FAMILIES IN THE WORLD. 

I love you all at CUB and I pray for those 

still in search that their lives will be 

touched as mine has. I couldn't possibly 

put into words what I feel so deep down 

inside. 

~ i t z Kossiski, i 

WI 

TRAGIC CONTRAST TO MITZI'S JOY 

SCrJlETIMES THOSE OF US WHO SPEND YEARS TRYING 

TO FIND OUR SURRENDERED CHILDREN THINK THAT 

ALL BIRTHPARENTS FEEL AS WE DO, THE FOLLOW- 

ING ARTICLE REM'INDS US THAT SOME ADOPTEES 

WILL FIND BIRTHPARENTS WHO DO NOT FEEL AS WE 

DO, PLEASE WRITE TO THE JUDGE IN THIS CASE, 

AS THIS IS SURELY THE MOST EXTREME EXAMPLE 

OF 'GOOD CAUSE" FOR OPENING AN ADOPTION 

RECORD TO THE ADOPTEE, RATHER THAN HAVING 

A JUDGE ACT AS AN INTERMEDIARY IN A DECISION 

THAT SHOULD NOT BE HIS TO MAKE, WHAT GIVES 

HIM A RIGHT TO DENY THIS ADOPTEE HIS RECORDS 

AND CONDEMN HIM TO CERTAIN DEATH? 

Kansas City, Mo., Juvenile Division Judge 

Gene Martin refused to give an adoptee his 

birthmother's name even though the adoptee 

has myelocytic leukemia, a fatal disease 

that doctors said could possibly be cured 

by a bone marrow transplant from a medically 

matched donor, preferably a brother or sister. 

W 

James George was born at a Kansas City maternity 

home and surrendered for adoption by 

his unmarried mother shortly after birth. 

He began a court battle with Missouri law 8 

months ago. 

In the past several weeks, Judge Martin contacted 

George's birthmother. He informed 

George that his mother refused to help. 

"The letter came to the judge and he opened 

I I 

it and handed it to our lawyer, George's 

, wife Marilyn was quoted as saying. 

"It was very short. She said it was a very 

difficult letter to write but she couldn't 

do anything. Her husband, her parents, everybody--or 

almost everybody-.-knew about it. 

9 . 

But the half-sister doesn't know she has a 

brother and the mother refuses to tell her. 

So that's where we stand. 11 

In the article, no mention was made of any 

attempt to contact the birthfather or determine 

if any efforts have been made to 

locate him. The article sent to me included 

a picture of James George with his 

sons Mark, 1, and Adam, 3. PLEASE write to 

the judge. Mr. George is SO thin. 

INFORMED CHOICE: 

HOW YOU CAN HELP 

We are now awaiting comments and suggestions 

from CUB'S board members on a draft of our 

informed choice booklet. As soon as their 

comments are received, a final version of 

the booklet will be typeset and printed, 

ready for distribution. The booklet will, 

we think, be about the same size as Understanding 

the Birthparent, since we felt 

that size would be convenient to display 

and to give out to people who are now experiencing 

an unplanned pregnancy. 

In order to provide the booklet to as many 

people as possible, we plan to ask agencies, 

clinics, counseling services, and others 

who are in a position to influence young 

parents to use the booklet with their 

clients. To do this, we need your help. 

While we know of some agencies that want to 

order and use the booklet, we need to know 

of others. Please take a few minutes of 

your time to sit down with your telephone 

book and look up some addresses. Send the 

names and addresses of pregnancy counseling 

services, women's clinics, adoption 

agencies, planned parenthood clinics, and 

Legal - Aid or Legal 

- 

Services in your community. 

We are developing a flier about 

the informed choice booklet, titled CHOICES, 

CHANCES, CHANGES: A Guide to Making an Informed 

Choice about Your Untimely Pregnancy 

and we will send the flier to agencies suggested 

by our members. The flier will 

offer one free copy of the booklet to any 

agency that may be interested in using the 

booklet to aid its clients. We need your 

help to do this, so please send your local 

agencies' names and addresses as soon as 

possible. Your list should be sent to HQ, 

and should be marked ATTN: CCC. Thank you! - 

CON1 NG SOON : I NFORMATI ON PACKETS TO

BE SENT TO AGENCIES 

Especially for those of you who've asked what 

you can do to help spread the word and inform 

agencies about the longterm effects of birthparenthood, 

we are developing an information 

packet. The packet would include a letter of 

explanation and intrchluction, CUB books and 

pamphlets, articles, and notification of a 

one-year subscription to the Communicator. 

The packets will be offered as soon as CHOICES, 

CHANCES, CHANGES is printed. Those who would 

like to help enlighten an agency could donate 

an information packet and guest membership to 

the agency or clinic they choose. The accompanying 

letter to the agency could state your 

name if you wish, or would simply state that a 

member had donated it--as you choose. Cost of 

the information packets has not yet been determined 

since CHOICES, CHANCES, CHANGES has 

not yet been printed. Be thinking of who you 

b73uld like to receive an information packet. 

Your agency? A local counseling service? A 

college or university social work department? 

Someone you know? 

one day and never came back, like Eton 

Patz did, would you ask that your wife 

just forget? Would you want her to? 

Of course not! Why then should she forget 

this child? Because she didn't live 

with this child as long? Do you love 

your older child better than your younger 

one because you have known him or her 

longer? 

It's hard, I know it's hard. But remember, 

it's not easy for us, the wives and 

mothers, either and that's why we need 

your support. We get enough condemnation 

from everyone else. From you, our 

husbands, all we need to hear is, "Whatever 

is best for you, honey. I I 

You know, this search thing is like a 

snowball rolling down hill--you really 

can't stop it and it keeps getting bigger 

and bigger. Your wife, if she is 

already subscribing to the Communicator, 

I I '1 

already involved in the movement, is 

going to do what she has to do no matter 

what. Like the teenager who asks her 

father's permission to marry: her mind 

is made up and she's got to do it with or 

TO HUSBANDS 

without his consent. Don't force your 

It must be hard for so many of you to accept wife to sneak behind your back like some 

this untidy bit of the past that has returned confused teenager. Give her your blessto 

haunt your beautiful lives. But try to rem- ings and your help. She will repay your 

ember that this "thing" that happened DID hap- kindness with much love. 

pen. That is a reality that no amount of ignoring 

will erase. We all would have preferred 

Help her; it will enhance your relationthat 

it hadn't happened, but it did. 

ship, not hurt it. This "thing" has already 

happened. It cannot hurt you now. 

~on'take it out on your wife; she has suf- It can only bring you and your wife closfered 

enough. Surrendering a child is diffi- er together by sharing it, or tear you 

cult enough, telling you about it was difficult, apart by not. 

but your non-acceptance or lack of understanding 

could be overwhelming. You say it's done with, 


over with, forget it. But it is not simply an Marsha also sent a note saying that a new 

isolated act that can ever be over with. There magazine about parenting, Family Journal, 

is a live, we hope, child out there somewhere. has two good articles on adoption, prin- 

A real flesh and blood person, with her flesh ted in Vol. 1, No. 2 and in Vol. 1, No. 3 

and blood--your wife's. An article on birthmotherhood by - Marsha 

Maybe she is a weak, sentimental fool, but will appear in the July issue. You can 

would you have loved and married her if she obtain a subscription or single copy by 

weren't? 1sn't every quality about her that writing to: Family Journal, RD 2, Box 

you love her so much for, just what all of this 

165, Putney, VT 05346. 

is about? If she could turn her back and walk --________________----------- 

away from this child of hers, how could she be 

capable of loving you or herself or anyone? 

MINOR SEARCH 

If you are a father as well as her husband, I joined CUR in May of 1980. I started 

think about your children. If someof~e st016 one 

to write for information in September. 

of them, or if one of then1 went off to school 

didn't have the nerve before that time. 

I

Through these months, there have been a lot 

of sad times along with happy times while I 

was waiting for my information. Now I am 

writing to tell you all that I have found 

my daughter! She will be 12 on September 

14th. 

Initially I had no intention of starting my 

search until my daughter was older, but 

soon I had to know more. Knowing the nonidentifying 

information was not enough; I 

had to know it all. 

I have a great aunt (my grandmother's sister) 

to thank for all the help she has given 

me. She has lived in Arizona for the 

past 4 years and my daughter's family has 

lived there for the past 2. My aunt has 

always wondered why she decided to move out 

there, since the rest of the family lives 

here in Illinois. Can this be the reason? 

Was someone directing her? 

I located my little girl on February 21st. 

sly aunt told me not to contact the adoptive 

parents, that I should be happy in knowing 

where my daughter and her adoptive parents 

are. But last week my aunt called my 

daughter's adoptive mother and spoke with 

her. Next week, my aunt will be going to 

see our special family. My daughter's adoptive 

mother seems very open and understanding, 

and I am hurting for her. This 

must be a hard time for them, just as it is 

for me. They must be wonderful people, as 

they are so accepting. 

Thanks to all of you for the letters and 

articles that have appeared in the newsletters. 

You'll never know how much they have 

helped me through these months, I'll write 

more later to let all of you know how this 

progresses. 

LEG I S LAT I VE REPORT 

Pennsylvania--House Bill 548, introduced by 

Rpp. Stephen Freind: The main objective of 

this bill is to seal off the original birth 

certificate in Vital Statistics. At present, 

an adopted adult can ascertain the 

identification of his birthparents simply 

by requesting his original birth certificate 

from Vital Statistics. The purpose of 

this bill is to "resolve the conflicting 

i ~ t s t of s the adopted person's desire to 

and the parents' right to privacy. " HB 548 

requires the consent of BOTH birthparents 

before the adoptee may obtain his original 

birth certificate. To protest this proposed 

change in Pennsylvania law, write: 

Committee on Judiciary, House of Representatives, 

Harrisburg, PA 17120. 

MAINE--LD 951, "An Act Relating to Limited 

Access to Adoption ~ecords": Submitted by 

CUB and Orphan Voyage of Maine, this is one 

of the better bills now being considered and 

would permit access in the absence of a written 

non-consent form. Anyone who surrendered 

or was adopted in Maine should write immediately 

in support of LD 951 to the Judiciary 

Committee, State House, Augusta, ME 04333. 

NATIONAL LEGISLATION--11 . R . 36, introduced by 

Rep. MottT, to express the sense of the House 

of Representatives that the Secretary of 

Health and Human Services should not approve 

any portion of the Model State Adoption Act 

and Procedures which: 

1. confers upon all biological fathers 

of children born out of wedlock, 

without distinction, the right to 

beto adoption of the child upon mere 

proof of paternity; 

2. sets less stringent standards for the 

placement of children by unlicensed 

intermediaries than by licensed 

child-placing agencies ; 

3. gives parents the right to revoke relinquishments 

which have not been obtained 

through fraud, duress or undue 

influence; 

4. requires automatic opening at the request 

of an adult adoptee of confidential 

birth records, court records, 

and adoption agency records; 

5. requires agencies to notify adult 

adoptees that a birth parents desires 

to meet the adoptee even if the adoptee 

has not expressed a desire to 

meet with his birth parent; and 

6, allows birth parents to have access 

to the adoption records of their relinquished 

children without the permission 

of both the adult adoptee and 

the adoptive parents. 

CUB members are asked to write to their congressmen 

in opposition to this bill. 

Patricia Palmer, IA 

Legislative Reporter for CUB 

know the identity of his natural parents ................................... -

NEW JERSEY BILL ST1 LL 114 COMMITTEE 

A major open records bill which was introduced 

by Assemblyman Albert Burstein in 

September 1980 is still in committee and 

will probably come up for discussion in 

May. Public hearings are not planned. 

Bill 2051 supplenlents the NJ State Adoption 

Act to i.ncorporate as part of the Act the 

recommendations of the federal Model Adoption 

Panel with regard to the safekeeping, 

maintenance and confidentiality of adoption 

records and birth certificate information 

maintained by the courts, approved 

adoption agencies and state and local registrars 

of vital statistics. 

Adultadoptees would have access to their 

original birth certificates, as would the 

birthparents whose rights were terminated. 

A birthparent or adult adoptee desiring 

contact could return to the agency, which 

11 

would then be required to make a reasonable 

effort" to notify the other party of 

the request for contact. This bill would 

be retroactive. One of the biggest arguments 

this bill's opponents use is that 

the privacy and confidentiality of birthparents 

must not be violated, even by 

their adult children. The only way to dispel 

this myth is for birthparents in NJ (or 

those who surrendered in NJ) to break the 

silence and speak up in favor of open records. 

Flashes of activity are not as effective 

as continued pressure on your assemblyman 

via phone calls, letters and personal visits. 

Most legislators have never met a 

birthparent, especially one who would welcome 

contact from her child. Many assemblymen 

have heard of adoptee groups, but 

most have not heard of CUB. 

Find out the names of your assemblymen. 

Send them letters describing your own situation 

and ask them to support Bill 2051 

when it comes up for a vote. Offer to meet 

with them to discuss the matter in greater 

detail and follow up with them each month 

so they arc reminded of your support: and 

commitment. Let them know that 93% of 

birthparents polled are i.n favor of open 

records for adult adoptees. 

Ironically, a legislative aicle to a key NJ 

assemblymi111 is a bir tl11110 ther wl.10 searched 

for and 113s cont:act with her daughter. Althoug1.i 

she cannot b open about her birth- 

parent status, she will be helpful by monitoring 

Bill 2051's progress. Dirthparents 

can lobby effectively on this issue in New 

Jersey. Don't let our opponents cite 

silence as evidence of our opposition to 

open records. Speak up! 

Alison Ward, NJ 

NEVADA REG I STRY 

If you would like your name included in the 

registry Nevada now maintains for adult 

adoptees and birthparents who want to know 

each other, write to: Adoption Registry, 

Nevada State Welfare Division, 251 Jeanell 

Drive, Carson City, NV 89710. Both the 

birthparent and the adult adoptee must 

register before identifying information is 

released, as there is no provision for noti, 

fying a party who has not registered. 

ADVOCATE F I LE 

We would like to .begin an ''Advocate File" 

which would consist of non-birthparents 

who might write letters, testify, etc., 

upon whom we could call for support. 

Lee would like those who are willing to be 

included to write to HQ, Attn: Advocate 

File. Do you know of anyone? Are you such 

a person? 

'C 

NOW u THE TIME 

By N , Poirier 

Who am I? 

Half black, half whi te-- 

Where do I belong? 

I understand, mama, really I do, 

Why you didn't keep me. 

The time wasn't right, and 

People weren't ready. 

Your choice was best, 

Best for both of us. 

But the times have changed, 

People have changed. 

Now's the time for our love. 

The .future is ours to share. 

Find me, mama, please. 

I'm looking for you. 

NOW'S the time!

DONATING? 

.Your donation can make a difference by allowing CUB to develop and provide the infomation and materials 

we need to educate adoption professionals, the general public, and those involved in adoption. The 

following are FREE with donations to C.U.B. Please indicate your choice of materials and send together 

with your donation to: C.U.B. Box 573, Milford, Ma. 01757. 

Gifts 

C 

Vinyl bumper sticker: "Birthparents care.. .forever1'. $1.00 

Engraved Contribution Card honoring a beloved on a special occasion; to be mailed now or saved for 

the future. Specify occasion (birthday? reunion?) and the name of the honoree. If you would like this 

listed in the "Hope and Happiness" column in the Communicator, be sure to specify how you would like it 

to appear and whether to use full names. Minimum separate donation of $5.00- 

[7 Package of 20 Foldover Notes imprinted with the C.U.B. logo, $5.00 donation. 

D Yellow T-shirts with C.U.B. logo and words, "Birthparents Care.. .Forever". $5.00. 

Literature 

Z Birthmark, by birthmother and journalist, Lorraine Dusky. In love with a married man and committed 

to her career, Lorraine, at first, wanted an abortion she couldn't get. Thankful now, Lorraine describes the 

power of in-womb bonding. $8.00 

Cl "The Birthparent's Right to Know", by Lee Campbell, C.U.B. President. 

of "Public Welfare" magazine. $1.00 

Reprint from the 1979 issue 

Death by Adoption. Joss Shawyer has written a no-holds-barred account of the tactics used by society 

to swindle women out of their children. $7.00 

Helping Hand, compiled by Gail M. Hanssen, C.U.B. National Secretary. A how-to work with agencies 

and courts to document your experience (a necessary step for healing), obtain other information, and 

Release "Protection". Sample letters and petition. $3.00 

I Would Have Searched Forever, by Sandra Kay Musser, C.U.B. Vice President and Branch Administrator. 

A book revealing one birthmother's true story. $7.00 

Lost and Found by Betty Jean Lifton, a n0tc.d adoptee/author's synopsis of the adoption experience. 

'C! My Family, genealogically designed "scrapbook" for non-adoption persons. $5.95 

'0 My Family, genealogically designed "scrapbook" for adoptees, $5.95 

'0 My Family, genealogically designed "scrapbook" for birthparents, to complete now to preserve their 

surrendered child's heritage. $5.95 

C Orphan Voyage, Mother of the adoption reform movement. Jean Paton , writes this historical account 

of it s beginnings. $9.00 

5 "The Social Worker's Role in Adoption", article by Carole Anderson, CUB Vice President and newletter 

editor, examines the feelings of birthmothers at surrender and the role of the social worker. $1.00 

C! Our booklet. Understanding the Birthparent. 24 birthparents convey a vivid insider's view of surrendering 

children. $3.00 

* To purchase My Family books, send your order separately to: My Family Books, P.O. Box 23641, 

L' Enfant Plaza Station, Washington. D.C. 20024. 

JOINING? 

Voting Members; Birthparents only. Entitled to all services. voting privileges. one-!/ear subscription to the 

newsletter. Annual dues $15.00: Lifetime Dues !?i150.00. 

Auxiliary Members: Non-birthparents who support our goals. professionals interested in increasing their 

understanding. Entitled to all services. invited to critique. one-year subscription to the newsletter. An11ua1 

dues $15.00: Lifetime Dues $150.00. 

FOREIGNERS: Add$5.00 to cover additional postal costs. 

Free to each member, one copy of our pamphlrit. "The Birtl-lpilrenl Perspective", with more information 011 

CUB, adoptions past and future, teen pregnancies and sex education: and to voting members, one copy of 

our "Helping Hand", a tool for working with agencies and the courts. (see also "Ilonating?").

CUB'S B 8 Services 

B.E.T. ON YOUNG PARENTS PROGRAM: Pilot program in CUB'S Dover, New Hampshire office offers 

business education and training to pregnant teens and young parents. 

BIRTHPARENT ADVOCACY: Confronting your adoption agenb or court of jurisdiction for justice? We offer 

our manual, A Helping Hand, a collection of sarnple letters and court petition. A very helpful document, it 

is free to each paid CUB member. Others, send $3.00 to CUB headquarters. 

CONSULTANT SERVICES FOR PROFESSIONALS: On the CUB staff are experienced, educated and aware 

persons who can ably evaluate and make suggestions on your materials and programs. Send headquarters a 

brief description of your needs. Purchase of services will be required. 

CUB SISTER PROGRAM: Are you young, single, troubled, and pregnant? Know someone who is? Or, do you 

want to lend to someone who is pregnant the kind of help only one who has been-there can? Contact our 

CUB Sister Coordinator (Address back page) for more information. 

FAMILY ADVOCACY: Exploitation by some over-zealous adoption professionals continues upon vulnerable 

young, single, or troubled pregnant women and their partners. CUB will help those who are contesting surrenders 

taken under fraud and duress. 

IN-SERVICE TRAINING FACILITATORS: Over time, we have developed and facilitated countless professional 

growth sessions for adoption and mental health practitioners. Purchase of services is required. Contact headquarters 

. 

LEGISLATION: Our monthly newsletter, the Cornrnunicator,keeps you abreast of adoption legislation under 

consideration in most states around the country. Send our Legislative Reporter (address back page) copies of 

proposed changes in your local law. CUB members will rally to help. 

LIAISON SERVICES FOR MEMBERS: Oftentimes members know the name and address of their adoption 

counterpart (obtained as personal ventures - CUB is not a search group) and ask us to act as liaison. While 

we cannot assume any responsibility for the outcome, CUB does have experienced, caring liaisons who will 

help in this capacity. Send headquarters a brief letter and we'll forward it to a liaison with whom you can 

negotiate method of contact, preferred subsequent communication, and payment of expenses, if any. 

LIAISON SERVICES FOR PROFESSIONALS: As above. However, Purchase of Services will be required. 

MEDIA RESOURCE: By responding to inquiries from media, countless publications, television and radio stations, 

CUB has been able to educate the public about the trauma of birthparenthood. If you are a journalist 

or producer, contact headquarters and we'll put you in touch with the people and information you need to 

put together an informative piece. 

MEETINGS: Meetings are held wherever there is a CUB branch. (Check back page for one near you.) Sometimes 

branches hold small-group meetings in outlying areas. Occasionally, Representatives hold meetings, too. 

NEWSLETTERS: Funds permitting, we issue 12 newsletters a year. Our subscribers report it to be the best 

in the adoption reform movement! 

PENPALS: Paid CUB members are entitled to be matched with someone with whom they might wish to communicate 

on a more personal basis. Complete the coupon within our introductory newsletter, or send headquarters 

a brief note. 

REUNION REGISTRY: Many thousands of family members separated by adoption or divorce or similar have 

registered their birth statistics with us in the hope their counterpart also registers. We've been fortunate to 

match up many persons in our registry. To join, send to headquarters your one-time-only registration fee of 

$5.00. 

RESEARCH: Underway is research on birthparenthood. We would consider other serious research projects. 

Send details to headquarters. 

SEARCH REFERRAL: If you feel you have worked through all your conflicts and are ready to search, we'll 

be happy to refer you to a search group. Free to CUB members. Others, please send a donation so this 

service can continue for other non-members. 

SPEAKER'S BUREAU: CUB leaders have spoken to colleges of social work, maternal and child health 

students, sociology students, and other related fields. A speaker's fee is required.Please make arrangements 

through your local CUB leader (see back page) or headquarters. 

v 

SUPPORT' EMOTIONAL: With the exception of search methods, no subject is taboo at CUB nicelings Or in 

the newsletter. if you feel birthparenthood has left its [nark in terms of frigidity, infertility, substance abuse, 

child abuse, you-name-it, let's talk about it. Looking for ideas on how-to contact, come-out-of- the-closet, 

approach adoption professionals? We are here to help you grow in understanding yourself and in reconciling 

wilh your past and your child.

C.U.B. 

O F F I C E R S 

Lee H. Campbell Carole Anderson Sandra K. Musser Gail M. Hanssen Susan Daggett 

President VlcG President, Vice President, National Secretary National Treasurer 

Public Education Branch Administration 

1141 Independence 

Waterloo, IA. 50703 

37 E. Walnut Avenue 

Merchantville, N.J. 08109 

c.u.B. 

L E A D E R S 

Patricia Palmer Charleen Justice Carol Gustavson 

Legislative Reporter CUB Sister Coordinator Liaison Committee Chairperson 

and newsletter distributor Stonybrook 21243 c10 HQ 

213 SW Flynn Drive Deptford, New Jersey 08096 

Ankeny, \A. 50021 

C.U.B. Representatives C. U. B. Branches 

to media coverage; to adhere to CUB goals and philosophy; to make a 

two year curr~mitment to the position. The position has been created for 

qualified individuals who do not yet have a core group to form a branch. 

vices for birthparents. 

QUALIFICATIONS: As stated under Representatives. Also 

five area members - three of whom are willing to 

assume two year positions of Coordinator, Secretary, 

Alaska 

Jana Vee Shedlock Claudia Smith Carol-Kay Thompson Sandee Tuccio 

7105 Shooreson Circle P.O. Box 154 P.O. Box 65 

7571 Westminster Ave P.O. Box 424 

Anchorage,AK. 99504 LaPiace, LA. 70068 Amherst, OH. 44001 

Randee Benson Carolyn Piekielniak Donna Mocarsky Martha McCann 

P.O. Box 15398 2009 Center Sp. Rd. 148 E. Hillcrest Ave 

San Diego, CA. 921 15 Hlltons Lane 

No. Berwick, ME. 03906 Edgefield, S.C. 29824 Rocky Hill, CT. 06067 Dayton, OH. 45405 

Melanie Williams Robin Lee Ryant Barbara McGee 

1209 Belcamp Street 8257 Greenleaf Circle 1188 Malcolm Avenue 

Rio Linda, CA. 956 Pittsburg, PA. 15212 

Joyce Villanueva 

9195 E. LeHigh Ave. 

also serving VT,R.I.,ME. 

320 Vandalia Street Patricia Murphy 

P.O. Box 396 Plano, TX. 75074 

Brenda Rodriguez 

1304 Poco Dr. 

Minneapolis, MN. 55433 

Houston, TX. 77042 

Joan Arnette 

Doravilie, GA. 30340 New York, N.Y. 10040 Cameron, W I. 54822 

P.O. Box 115 

12709 Prospect Knolls 

Haddon Hgts, N.J. Bowie, Md. 20715 

Carol Bugni 

North Carolina 

Stacy S. Miller Mimi Notestein 

Box 5202 4916 Brentwood Road 2977 N. Bartlett #36 

Boise, ID. 83705 

Illinois 

Gail A. Smith 

Darla Burrier 

1101 Grant Place 26 Laurel Dr. 

Urbana, 11. 61801 

NATIONAL HEADQUARTERS: C.U.B., Inc. p.0. Box 573, Milford, MA. 01757 [603] 749-3744

~ 

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P R E S I D E N T S 

COMME.NTS 

Dear Friends, 

Things are tapering off somewhat with most of the "Donahue" mail now attended to. I'm typesetting a revised version of 

our introductory newsletter to better define the services we offer, The problem is finding the space and words to express all 

that we do. I'm also spending considerable time with CUB'S new hard-working friend, Nancy Lemay, who is helping to design a 

computer program which will enable all our programs to function in an even more organized and energized fashion. "CUB University" 

continues to be an incredibly rich learning environment for me. I know from your letters that many of you are also 

availing yourself of the learning opportunities CUB provides. Great! 

From your letters, and the rumors that come my way, I've also learned that many are curious about my personal life. I 

do not talk much about me in this, column (I would rather save the space for YOU) but this month I will make an exception- 

My husband of 15 years, our two sons, Scott, 14, and Todd, 11, and I have known Michael (now 18'/2 ) and his parents for 

. 

over two and one-half years. Initially, we saw quite a bit of each other. Last year, though, Michael's visits were limited to a 

few days in April and August and a few hours in June at a special cookout I hosted. Attending the cookout were Michael and 

his parents; Tom (Michael's birthfather), his wife and their two daughters; my husband and our two sons. "Y.M.O.", Tom's 

wife dubbed the occasion - a "Yours, Mine, and Ours" party. 

Michael met his birthfather two years ago. Michael's parents are very fond of Tom 

. 

and his family, and this dyad sees a 

great deal of each other. Family parties at Michael's often include Tom's family. 

My perception of Michael's parents' feelings about me is that they are not fond of me. They are, however, politely friendly. 

I was comfortable, for example, asking them to babysit Scott and Todd while my husband and I attended a funeral in January. 

They invited us to dinner and we looked at wallpaper samples for their new condon~inium. It was a pleasant visit. 

In addition to this get-together, Michael visited us for a few days in April this year. Michael's phone calls and visits are 

full of affection and fun. This visit he was much at home. A few friends picked up Michael to attend a concert at the nearby 

I 

university. Michael's girlfriend joined us overnite. And hedropped his dirty laundry in the hamper, like my other kids. All 

in all, a fairly normal relationship, but I still feel the tug and emptiness when he leaves. 

1 We are each involved in our own lives. Michael's been accepted at a college in his honietown and will remain at home ior 

at least another year. He has an active social life and is developing (full beard and all) into an interesting person. As for me, 

you know that I'm very busy administrating CUB and teaching business skills to young parents. In addition I am counsellor and 

1 

coordinator of an glternatlve high school program. I graduated last December wlth a Master's Degree in Education and am entertaining 

fantasies of obtaining my Doctorate, although I don't know how to fit it in my schedule which, of course, also includes 

being an attentive wife and mother. 

I 

There has been much happiness for me these past few years, but if you are a sensitive and.perceptive person, you may be able 

to read between the lines of the outline of my life right now and see that post-reunion experiences can also contain some 

elements of the rejection we have long been famlliar with. 

Post-reunion is the only facet of my life I wish I could have previewed. Having a glimpse into others' might have helped 

but I didn't know anyone who had yet travelled to the other side of the "Big Whoosh" (the first few months after reunion). 

There might be some value for those of you in the pre-reunion and Big Whoosh stages to flesh out the skeletal overview I 

shared of my own experience with imaginings of the various landscapes your own might cover. Don't stop with me. Be in touch 

with others who are now well in the post-reunion stages, too. 

Just as you would not retrace any of the liberating steps you've mastered in your own life (joining CUB, coming out of the 

closet, searching, locating, contacting), so do all of us who are now post-reunion cherish the emancipation this phase brings. 

But, like all of life, there can be some sorrow entwined with the joy, and it is helpful to be aware. 

Next month I'll bring you news about our birthparent research (Aug. 1980 Communicator) and the vidotaping we've done on 

birthparenthood. 

I 

I 

I hope these early Summer days are warming your life. 

In special kinship, 

t 

P.S. News flash! We've just effected another match in our reunion files! A 56 year old birthmother wlth her 38 year old 

claughter, who had become lost in foster care and never been adopted--now she has a family!! 

NCFA Modifies Goal 

William Pierce, of the National Committee for Adoption, has notified CUB that one of their goals originally stated as "rejuvenate 

adoption as the option of choice for young. single or troubled parenls, rather than one amoung many choices" (March Communicator) 

has been revised to: "rejuvenate adoption as an option of choice for young, single or troubled parents." 

Change of Address - The Communicator is mailed by special Bulk-Rate. It will not be forwarded. Be sure to notify HQ promptly 

Gf your change of address. 

Membership Expiration- Your mailing label on the front page of your Communicator contains the month and year of your membership 

expiration. Be sure to renew timely to ensure uninterrupted receipt of your Communicators.

PEN PAL 'REQUESTS 

Maxilee Mqson, 3220 Watt Avenue, A-29, Sacramento, CA 

. I recently 1ocated.my daughter, though X have 

not yet effected a reunion, an I am helping others who 

are searching. 

John Kevin McGuire, 22 ~aryanne Ave., Leesburg, VA 

One who is having difficulty discussing with 

the adoptive parents the possibilities of searchihg 

for birthparents. 

Joyce Berner, 142 21st Street, Otsego, MI 49078. Any 

birthmother who was at the Florence Crittenton Home in 

Jackson, MI between July 1961 and November 1961. 

Cheryl France, 1630 S. 6th Street, #d1904, Minneapolis 

MN 55654. An Afro-American female who was in situation 

. -~ 

similar to mine, who may or may not have begun to 

search. 

Della Anderson, 3261 - 49th Ave. N.. St. Petersbw 

FL 3371h. 

aria Leon, 4228 Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90029. 

Anyone who lives in the L.A. area if possible,if not 

anyone near my own age. 

*. 

Barbara E. Hutchisson, Suite 305 ,650 So. Pierce St., 

New Orleans. LA 70119. 

Diane Benson, 9241 SE Alder St., Portland, OR 97216. 

Would prefer someone 30 - 40 years old whose child is 

approximately 10 years old. 

- 

Val Rhoden, R.R. 1, Box 202, Redfield, S. Dakota 57469 

An older person tamlllar wrth the World War LI era. 

Elin McDonald, 9 McFarlen Rd,, RFD 5, Carver, MA 02330 

- 

A person who can share in unwinding 16 years of my experience 

so that I can move ahead. 

Jean A d 7 I 

am not particular as to type of pen pal. I would like 

to be able to write to someone in order to discuss 

what I am feeling. 

-- 522 W. 40th Street, Indianapolis, - 

Elayne Rivers, 

IN 

46208. 

- Elizabeth A. Schmidt. P ,OLb 497; S m u OK 7,!&~1. 

Louise Nickerson, 301 William Rd., Golden Meadpw,-L& 

70357. 

Gale Hope .Burlingame, - Route 2, Box 312-A. Gainesville. 

32601. I am a b~rthmother and an adoptive parent - 

'of an ofder child as I have not been able to conceive 

any children since the birth of my daughter. Would 

like to correspond with anyone in similar situation. 

Would also like to correspond with anyone who was living 

in the Ft. Myers, FL area 1967 - 1970. I know 

what the name of my - adopted child's birthmother was at 

that time and this is where she was living. Would like 

to find information or her whereabouts. 

Rita Phillips, P.O. Box 882, Robbinsville, NC 28771. 

Morcy Stern, 3862 Beechwood Blvd., Pgh, PA 15217. 

'someone in my area who couici aid me in my searchy-or 

someone who was in a home for unwed mothers like 

Florence Cl-it tendon. 

Jan Faulkner, Rt. 1 , Box 4680, Grantville, PA 17028 

m~rthmothcr who has tried to find her child, adopted 

through an agency. 

Christine Foimtain,'4134 NW-79 Ave., BID, Miami, FL 

- 3316- would llke t~ communicate with a woman who 

has been reunited with her child. 

Kathy A Myers, 24272 C.R. 26 E., Elkhart, IN 46517. 

A male born Oct. 3, 1963 in Chicago, - - IL, or anyone 

who was at the ~00th Memorial Hospital. during ihat 

year. 

Willie Mae Johnson, 28 Vee St., NW, Washington, D.C. 

nnnr\? 

Carrie Emma Black, 79488 Territorial Rd.. Lorane. OR 

,97451. I would like to have a pen pal who has had 

about the same experience as I have--forced to surrender 

their baby in the 1920's to 30's and still 

hoping to find them. 

Mauren Scott, Rt. 4, Box 155, Ava, Missouri, 65608. 

Virginia Caine (Ginger), 2032 Florida Avenue, Savannah, 

GA 31404. Someone who likes to write. 

Vonna R. Binkley, 104 Miller Circle, El Paso, TX 

79915. I would like to hear from someone who surrendered 

their child through the Children's Home Society 

of Santa Barbara, CA and who maybe stayed at the Trudy 

Harrod home for unwed mothers. I was there 4/67 to 

8/67. 

Susan Rosenbaum, 3422 N. Leavitt, Chicano, IL 60618. 

Born 2-21-41 Middletown, Delaware, Newcastle Maternity 

Home. Would like to hear from birthmother, adoptee, 

adoptive parent. Need information on home, doctor, 

etc. 

Michael R. Holden, Box 14, 13A-8, Boise, ID 83707. I 

have run into a problem. Would like someone in the 

Somerville, MA area to help. Is there anyone who went 

to the Somerville High School during 1945 - 58 who 

would know anything about Carolina E. Kane--whether 

she's single or married or anything that would help me 

in finding her. 

Donna Allen, 6533 Tholozan, St. Louis, MO 63109. I 

would like a pen pal from the St. Louis area who was 

at the catholic charities home, Villa Marie, in late 

- 1966 or early 1967. 

,Patricia (Trish) Hill, 1012 Village Place, Fort Worth, 

TX 76112. I am trying to find any birthmother who 

stayed in and/or dklicered and relinquished her baby 

in the home of a nurse named Orene Peeples in Jacksonville, 

FL, around 1946-47. Her address at the time 

was 315 West 16th Street. As you might remember from 

the article "No Records to Open" in January '81, I 

have no recorded evidence of my birthmother or where 

to turn. My only hope is people who might remember 

something. 

Jarlos Cook. 753 South Bend Avsnue, South Bend, -.-- IN 

%46617. Searching mother. 

- Sandra Hunt, 48 Stephen St. #12. Kin~ston, Ontario,- 

-- Canada K7K-2C3. Good sense of humor. Like sports. 

Susan Elaine Blanchard, Fernwoods 1, Park Boulevard, 

Miami, FL 33172. 

Kaye Renae Clippinger, 2894 Crottlestown Rd.. Cham-- 

bersburg, PA 17201.

CLARIFICATION 

In the April Communicator we alerted members 

that we had been informed private investigators 

were using our pen pal column 

to obtain clients. Mickey Carty, one of 

our Ohio leaders, revealed an unfortunate 

experience she had with someone she knew as 

"Jeff", who, she thought, was connected in 

some way with REO. We shared this, also 

acknowledging others said the opposite, that 

a "Jeff" affiliated with Lucy Pare was very 

helpful to some birthparents. 

In the hazy world of underground investigations, 

with contacts here and there, with CUB 

only receiving second hand information from 

both sides, each with different opinions on 

suitability of tactics, it is hard to know 

which detective is really who, whether they 

are reliable or unscrupulous, and who is in 

contact with whom. The "bad" Jeff ~ i c k & ~ 

knows may not be the "good" Jeff affiliated 

with Lucy. It can be said the preponderance 

of rumors indicate someone named Jeff is 

reasonable and very successful. 

The purpose of our April commentary was to 

alert pen pals to the possibility of being 

contacted and to be aware of the good and bad 

possibilities such contacts might involve, 

and that whether an investigator is good or 

bad, CUB does not evaluate or make recommenda 

tions about or to them. 

GOOD NEWS TO SHARE 

Lee Campbell 

I must share my news. From a place of no 

hope to one filled with optimism, I have arrived. 

My daughter is found! ! "Jeff" called me on 

April 16, and I went a little berserk, I 

guess. After 17 years of worrying and wondering 

about her, I have a place to start. 

The grass is greener, the sky bluer, and I'm 

about to burst. 

I was touched by the humor and concern of my 

searcher. Jeff came from nowhere when I had 

no l~ope' of breaking through that New York 

state bureaucracy. 

My two daughters 

. - here sat at the table in . 

tears. A good friend, an adoptee, was here 

too. I called everyone I could think of-- 

you know the feeling. 

I have her name, address, and phone number 

and I'm waiting for a reply from her adoptive 

parents. Whatever happens, I KNOW now 

where she is. I don't look for her in every 

crowd anymore. There is so much more peace 

in my life. 

Jan, FL 


Happy birthday to Richard, born June 19, 

1964, LIJH, NY. Love forever, Susan. 

A contribution has been received honoring 

her son Jeff's fifteenth birthday on June 

8, 1981, from Libbi Campbell, MA. 

"On June 25, 1981, my son Robert Johnson 

Jr. will be 16 years old. With every passing 

year since his birth, I've celebrated 

his birthday in spirit, hoping with all my 

heart that he feels all the love pouring 

Only one thing is crystal clear: the intent out to him from me. How I ache to hold 

of the pen pal colmn is not to provide det- him and tell him that he is so dearly 

ectives with clients. If a detective contact s loved. Happy birthday, my precious son!" 

you, you must weigh for yourself whether to A donation has been received from Diana, CA. 

engage his/her services. You must be aware 

that it can be wonderful or exploitive. 

A contribution has been sent honoring her 

son William Dean Anderson (amended to TLW) 

on his fourteenth birthday June 8, from 

Carole Anderson, IA. 

A contribution was sent on the occasion of 

her daughter, April Lee Joy's 15th birthday 

- April 28, 1981, with wishes for love and 

happiness from Barbara Rafoth and April's 

Grandpa Ben. 

A donation was sent to honor her uncle, 

born "Baby Boy Haskell" approximately 40 

years ago in Laramie, Wyoming, and who does 

not know that he has 7 brothers and sisters 

who would love to find him, from Melody 

Rightmire, CA. 

"WHAT WILL 

THAT I HAVE SAVED FOR YOU?" 

DO WITH THE PART OF ME 

(from a 

poem by Ellie Maldonado, a birthmother) 

by Mary Anne Cohen 

Although I have talked with many adoptees 

and birthmothers who have been rejected 

when they made contact, I have seen little

on this subject in print, and what has The one positive thing that came out of this 

been written is usually written in hind- experience is that I have finally met a social 

sight, months or years later, when the worker I like--she was kind, tactful, and showed 

initial rejection has either turned a- respect, although the adoptive parents had put 

round and become a reunion, or has been her in a very difficult situation, as a mediator 

accepted as a hard fact, and dealt with. between them and me, because they lacked the 

guts to deal with me directly. She gave a lot 

I am writing now out of the pain and 

of information about Michael that the adoptive 

rage of a rejection still fresh--I can 

mother had told her, including his height--he is 

not yet live with it, nor do I foresee a 

as tall as I am now--and the fact that he is a 

happy outcome in future years. To me, 

real genius--this summer he will be enrolled in 

the future is a gray, formless place, 

a special program for the gifted at a major uniwhere 

I do not dwell--it has no meaning. 

versity, doing college-level work. Those folks 

Possibilities of hope are as unreal to 

got a real prize--it's too bad they can't show a 

me as fairy tales--hopelessness reigns 

little gratitude to the factory for turning out 

now, and that is all I see. I have not 

such prime merchandise! 

ruled out the possibilities of change, 

but I cannot live with hopes that may be My feelings on learning all this, and the fact 

false, that mav ., never be realized. that the adoptive parents do not now want to 

have any contact with me, are very painful. I 

Last month I sent a letter to my son's 

am not sorry I sent the letter, because now I 

adoptive parents, soon after his 13th 

know the truth of their attitude towards me, but 

birthday. It was, even the adoptive 

I do feel I had been deluding myself a little, 

mother admitted, an articulate and 

and had been caught up in the fantasy that my 

beautiful letter. However, it was not 

contact might work out as well as several others 

received in the spirit in which it was 

in our group where the adoptive parents were more 

sent. The adoptive parents' first reacreceptive. 

I had thought I was totally prepared 

tion was to freak out, call the agency, 

for rejection, but had recently begun to feel 

and raise hell. My first response from 

more hopeful, and the reality of that phone call 

them was a very vague registered letter 

was like a physical blow. I have been sick with 

from the agency, requesting that I call. 

a cold, which I am sure was emotionally caused, 

I did, and was informed by a very kind 

all week, and have been dragging around like a 

and understanding social worker what had 

zombie. In some ways I feel as if I had lost my 

happened. She had managed to calm the 

child again. How many times can you lose someadoptive 

parents down somewhat--their 

one, and still live? 

first reaction was to threaten a lawsuit 

--and had promised them she would speak Of course I know it is not the end, but in some 

to me, to learn my intentions. The maj- ways, I wish it were. I wish it were definite, 

or concerns of the adoptive parents were: over, final as death. I do still intend to conhow 

did I find them, and did I intend to tact Michael when he is older, but I fear that 

contact Michael directly now. 

In my letter, I had stated repeatedly 

that I had no intention of any contact to 

>lichael until he was older, that I had 

already known for five years where he was, 

but apparently that didn't sink in, so I 

told the social worker to reassure them 

that they need not fear me, that I would 

not jump 

- 

out of the bushes at Michael or 

I.iarrass them. I also told the social 

worker to wish the adoptive mother a happy 

rnott1e1-Is day, as she sounded more sympa- 

~l.ietic towards me than the adoptive father 

(:vcn though I was told that she couldn't 

1.1nderstand why I wou3.d "do tiiis" when I 

/lave three other children. As if kids 

were objects--why worry i.E someone stole 

your tv, if you got 3 new ones? 

by that time, his adoptive parents will have 

. 

poisoned his mind against me, or that someone wit 

his intellect will have no interest in a weird 

woman from the past, that he will feel, as his 

birthfather does, that our connection is "only 

biological" and that emotions are destructive or 

frivolous. Or, he may feel differently--but I 

cannot know, now, and I am so tired of living 

with fantasies and conjectures of what might be. 

I have written this in the hopes that it may help 

other mothers who are or will be facing the same 

thing--closed doors and minds, more nightmarcs-- 

instead of the realization of dreams. Ely emotions 

now are not pretty, or constructive. I am 

jealous of my sisters who have had better luclc, 

even as I rejoice for them, and my anger at the 

adoptive parents is spilling out on everyone, 

even my other children, who now seem less perfect

than the description I have been given of 

my lost son. The shroud of darkness that 

surrounded me during my first pregnancy 

and surrender seems to have returned, and 

it blights everything I see. 

The social worker has told me that the 

adoptive mother would consider sending me 

a picture of Michael, but the adoptive 

father is opposed. She said she would get 

back to me about this. I am not holding 

my breath. I am meeting with the social 

worker next week, to thank her for her 

kindness mostly, but beyond that I have no 

plans to do anything further with this 

situation for quite a while. 

I want to thank everyone in CUB who has 

offered encouragement, prayers, and good 

thoughts for me. Your love continues to 

sustain me. There is much we can do to 

help each other, but where adoptive parents 

are involved, prayers and good 

thoughts are not enough. For some of us, 

there is no happy ending. This is a reality 

that must be faced. 


MUTUAL HELPFULNESS : B I RTHPARENT 

I am seeking information about Catholic 

Charities of Davenport, Iowa.,, which is no 

longer in operation. Are there any other 

birthmothers who are bitter about their 

treatment at the time of surrender, or later 

if they returned to the agency for 

help? I was 17 when my child was surrendered 

in 1966. The social worker knew I 

wanted to keep her desperately, yet she 

sat there the day my parents threatened 

me into signing papers, screaming that 

- - - - 

they could have me committed if I didn't 

sign and then they could take her from me 

anyway. I keep wondering how they could 

have wanted my baby so badly that they 

wouldn't offer an option or even advise me 

of my legal rights. I was honestly led to 

believe that I had none. Several months 

ago I returned to the agency. It has been 

closed but the records are kept at St. Vincents 

now. I asked that my file be updated 

and that a waiver of confidentiality be entered 

but I was told that my file could not 

be located without the adoptive parents' 

name because they were filed in the adoptive 

parents' file with no cross reference 

system., I am appalled at their total lack 

of concern for my needs and the possible needs 

of my daughter. They act as though I've never 

existed now that they got what they wanted-- 

my daughter. 

Vicki Adams, Davenport, IA 

(Ed. Note: Vicki also sent a copy of a letter 

she wrote to a local newspaper, which they edited 

quite a lot but which was printed. It 

is a lovely letter, and hopefully helped to 

open some minds.) 

................................... 

I am writing in response to Sara's letter, 

which appeared in the April Communicator concerning 

Lutheran Social Service of Indiana. 

LSS of Kansas handled my son's adoption in 

1965. About a year following surrender, I 

wrote to them requesting information of my son 

and did get a reply that he was healthy and 

happy. I don't know why, but I did not continue 

to write them. After joining CUB I had 

the courage to write them almost 2 years ago. 

I feel that they have been very cooperative; 

they have written the adoptive parents concerning 

my wish for information of my son and my 

availability to them and have sent me some 

background info on them. To date, they have 

received no response. I have copies of the 

surrender papers and social history done by 

"my" caseworker. I have written letters to my 

son and his adoptive parents to be put on file 

and this past week they told me my son's 

first name. I did have to write 3 times before 

I received a reply. I feel that I had to 

I I prove" to them my sincerity. 

Jon (it's great to be able to use his name) 

won't be 18 for another year and a half and I 

plan to wait until then before I begin to actively 

search, but I do think LSS will be 

helpful in that endeavor. 

Perhaps Sara could contact the LSS in Wichita 

(1855 North Hillside, Wichita, KS 67214) to 

receive the same help which I've received. 

I would be happy to help in any way I could 

too. 

Lynne Poss, MO 

................................... 

I am a new member in CUB, thank heavens I 

found you. First, I must thank Carolyn from 

Kansas for sharing her feelings in her letter 

in the March, 1981 Communicator--my first 

issue. I couldn't have said it better. I, 

too, feel an emptiness that cannot be filled 

by my two boys and loving husband. I have 

denied my feelings Eor my daughter so long

and so well that it is hard for me to love 

completely and trustingly the ones close to 

me. I seem to guard and protect this empty 

part of my heart, even though it hurts. 

It's time I open that door for my birthchild 

and risk the hurt or the love to be gained. 

In August, 1963, I surrendered my newborn 

daughter through a home in Vermont. Since 

then I have married and now have two sons. 

But I miss my daughter terribly. Not a day 

goes by that I don't wonder in some way 

about her. Often I think back with hurt to 

the time when I gave birth to her and am 

overcome with both guilt and longing. 

I have bided my time, trying not to cause 

ripples in the sea of tranquility that appears 

to surround me. Quietly I have written 

to the Home giving permission for the 

files to be open if my birthdaughter requests 

it and giving my current name and 

address. This August she will turn 18. Between 

now and then I must ready my family 

and friends to accept the revelation of my 

birthparenthood. My husband and parents 

know, but not my sons. I must also deal 

with the wounds to my heart and mind that 

the years of guilt, doubt and secrecy have 

wrought. 

Where do I go from here? How do L tell my 

sons and relatives? I would like to be open 

but after so many years of protecting myself 

and my parents how do I do it? How do I 

begin a search in Vermont for an adult adoptee? 

I need help and advice. 

My support goes to all of you who share in 

the experience of birthparenthood. 

plus 50 years? Fortunately my wife, who 

has an eye for these things, picked out 

Mom in an instant ... same beady little eyes 

(actually "deep set" is probably a better 

term), cheekbones and smile. 

We had brought a suitcase full of pictures 

to catch up on 39 years and it was a delightful 

weekend. It's amazing how much we 

had in common as to personality traits that 

couldn't be accounted for by how I was 

raised! Heredity determines a lot more than 

just appearance, I'm now positive. Even our,. 

children had talents and traits that could 

not be accounted for until I knew my birth 

family. 

In reading the letters in the Communicator, 

a constant thread of concern about how the 

child was raised runs through the thoughts 

of the various writers. This was very much 

in evidence in my mother, and the fact that 

I was not bitter about the adoption was a 

great.load off her mind. Actually my parents 

(who had passed away during the past 

two years) were without a doubt the finest 

parents a child could want. From my earlies 

memories I knew that I was adopted and that 

I was loved and wanted. In searching for 

my mother I only wanted her to know that everything 

turned out better than she could 

ever have hoped and to see if there was some 

family medical history that her grandchildrei 

should know about. As it seems to be developing, 

we will be able to build a good relationship 

based on something that many natura 

families seem to be missing after the kids 

v 

grow up ... love. 

The Cradle Society, where I was adopted from 

Sue, Maine was in a rather odd position. Mom and I 

were actually talking by phone and writing 

letters to the same woman, who said she was 

UPDATE ON CUB MATCH 

forbidden by law from even acknowledging the 

I thought you might be interested to hear existence of the other. Something is wrong 

from one half of the match referred to in the when both parties are seeking each other 

February issue of the Communicator. Mom had and are denied access to uertinent records. 

already called when you got through to me on 

the 10th of December and my wife and I flew 

down to Arkansas for a face to face meeting 

the following weekend. Very pleasant with a 

high degree of not knowing what to expect ... 

what to wear (not too fancy or too casual).. 

.how to act (like a son, or an executive, or 

an adult; all of the above; none of the a- 

In recounting the events to people, I've bee: 

asked for your address more than a few times 

It appears that there is a real need for a 

forum and/or sympathetic shoulder in this 

matter. Keep up the good work. You sure 

have made my mom and I happy, not to mention 

a lot of people in our expanded families. 

Best wishes in your work. 

bove?). Finally decided to act like myself 

for better or worse. Seemed to do the trick Jim Miller, 

as we hit it off just fine. At the airport Adoptee half of a successful match by 

1 didn't know what to look for ... my daughter CUB. 

*

KNOW MY SON'S NAME 

LOIS DEGARIMORE WON A TROPHY FOR THE 

FOLLOWING SPEECH AND WANTED TO SHARE 

IT AND HER GOOD NEWS WITH ALL OF US, 

I know my son's name. It is David Clyde 

Parker. This is his picture. He is attending 

college in Ohio, and we write to each . 

other. He is an intelligent and delightful 

person, and I am very, very proud of him. 

These may seem like commonplace things to 

know about one's son, but for me they are 

not. You see, my son was born prior to my 

marriage to his father, and was relinquished 

for adoption as an infant. 

Now it isn't usual for a woman to stand before 

a group and announce that she has had a 

child out of wedlock and given him up for 

adoption. And here I am, standing here, admitting 

THAT, with almost missionary zeal-- 

and you may be wondering why. 

Why is because I believe it is time that an 

inhumane law should be changed, and it will 

only be changed if society can be made to 

see that it NEEDS to be changed. 

The law in question is that which denies 

adult adoptees and their birthparents access 

to their birth and adoption records, 

for their entire lives. 

Yes, I found my son, but notwith the blessings 

of any law. I began my search on 

avid's 18th birthday, starting with only 

the non-identifying information legally provided 

to me by the adoption agency. 

It wasn't easy to put together those clues. 

It required a tremendous amount of work, and 

a tremendous amount of good luck. The point 

here is that it shouldn't require all that 

work and all that luck. I believe it is my 

right to know my son. I love him. I am his 

mother. 

Sometimes birthmothers are called "real" 

mothers. And sometimes adoptive mothers are 

called "real" mothers. And sometimes one or 

the other of us is called the "REAL, real 

mother. I I 

What this expresses, however, is not a relationship, 

but merely a value judgment. Now 

I am not suggesting that value judgments be 

abolished. Surely we need values. And 

there are valid questions of right and wrong 

involved in premarital sex, premarital pregnancy, 

and taking responsibility for the 

raising of children. 

But realize, please, that this doesn't 

change the facts of the situation, it merely 

says something about it. When I signed 

I I 

those papers" I ceased being David's CUS- 

TODIAL mother, but I didn't cease being his 

mother . 

Instead I became 

11 

one of his mothers. I I 

So the truth of the matter is, we are BOTH 

real. I am David's real birthmother, and 

Martha Ann Parker is David's real adoptive 

mother. And, I might add, she is a lovely 

person. 

I searched for my son because I believe it 

is wrong that I be deprived of his love, 

and that he be deprived of my love, for the 

rest of both our lives, simply because at 

the start of his life it seemed to be in 

his best interests to be raised by someone 

other than me. 

It is a myth that birthmothers forget and 

make "new lives. I I Like you, we have only 

one life, and grief at our loss is very 

much a part of it. You can sign away custody 

of a child, but you can't sign away 

your love. 

It is easy to think that no one who has not 

lived through this experience can understand 

our grief. But I don't believe that 

is quite correct. I believe that any one 

of you can understand how we feel. You 

need only look at your own child, and it is 

very easy to see the grief you would feel 

if you never say THAT child again. 

. - 

I think the difficulty is that it is hard 

to believe that WE feel that way, "else how 

could we have done that?" Surely we must 

be somehow different from all other mothers. 

Surely no "real" mother could do that. 

Well, I'm real, and I'm a mother, and I did 

that. 

And, yes, it hurt. For over seventeen years 

I didn' t tell my own mother either the sex 

of my child, or the date of his birth. And 

she never saw the baby picture I carried 

all of those years. Because it was just too 

painful to talk about. 

I didn't hear his first word, or see his 

first step, or ANY of that. And for over 

eighteen years I didn't know where he was, 

or how he was, or even if he was alive. 

In the last year before I searched, when I

I 

! was finally able to talk about it, I told Lois Maxine Degarimore, Downey, CA 

I many people that I had relinquished a child Birthmother of David Clyde Parker, nee Mark 

for adoption. And many asked me, incredu- Howard DeGarimore 

- 

lously, "But you know where he IS, don't 

YOU? 

!I CONFERENCE ANNOUNCEMENT 

No, I'm sorry, it doesn't work like that. Southeast Region American Adoption Congress 

announces its third annual conference to be 

Those eighteen years were hard, and harder 

held September 25, 26, 27, 1981 at Holiday 

than they really had to be, I think. But I 

Inn, North Jacksonville, Florida (intercannot 

accept that, because I did it all for 

state 95 at Airport Rd. exit). Conference 

a reason. And that reason, of course, was 

registration fee of $30 includes the cost 

so that David would grow up in a stable home. 

of the Saturday evening banquet. Rooms are 

And I believe he has. The Parkers are lovely 

$27 (single), $32.60 (double), plus 6% tax. 

people. They named him David because it 

Free 24 hour transportation is provided bemeans 

"beloved," and I believe he was. 

tween the motel and airport. The host group 

However, now that he is a legal adult--and is Orphan Voyage of Jacksonville. Other 

11 

the time for protecting" him is past--I no "groups included in the conference include 

longer believe that any purpose can be served CUB of Tampa, North Carolina ~dG~tees Toin 

keeping us apart. I think it is RIGHT gether, Orphan Voyage of Florida, and TRIAD 

that I should know that he likes art and of South Carolina. For more information 

baseball and cherry pie. And that right write to Southeast Region American Adoption 

comes--not really from the fact that I gave Congress, 9180 Kings Colony Road, Jacksonbirth 

to him, and it has nothing at all to ville, FL 32217. 

do with my innocence, or lack of it, in 

either conceiving him or deciding to relin- NEWSPAPER CLI PPI NGS 

quish him. It comes from the fact that 

Pat Cantrell sent a clipping from her local 

David, himself, has chosen to share this 

paper concerning a Miami adoptive couple 

information with me. 

who spent two years trying 

- 

to get rid of the 

The laws which perpetuate all this unneces- adopted son thky considered a trouble-maker. 

questions. After several questions ending 

I I 

Tom and Sally Daft were told to contribute 

in Did you ever consider abortion?" his next I I 

I I 

reasonable" financial support until the 

question was Do you like cherry pie?"-- fo 1- 

boy is permanently placed. The fifteen year 

lowed by "I just thought I would give you an 

old boy was assigned temporarily to a county 

easy one to answer. I I group home. He could be adopted again, 

sary grief were undoubtedly well intentioned. 

They were meant to save us all from trauma. 

To protect me, and to protect my son. 

The adoptive father, Tom Daft, was quoted 

I I 

as saying, We've been actively trying to 

get rid of him for two years," before Judge 

Adele Segall Faske issued an order to can- 

But protect us from WHAT? From our mutual 

cel the adoption. 

LOVE? You should read the delightful let- 

I I 

ters David writes. He really has a sense of In a situation such as this, no one ever 

humor, that boy. He was so sweet in his sec- wins, 11 the judge said. here's a lot of 

ond letter, when he asked all those "hard" forgiving to do. A lot of rebuilding to do. 11 

You should feel my pleasure as I look at his placed in a foster home or assigned permapicture, 

there on my desk. 

I I 

nently to the group home under the unadop- 

Where is all that trauma? This is pure detion" 

order by the judge. 

light. 

A lengthy article was sent concerning the 

Laws are made by men, and they can be changed murder of an infant, Hildred Thomas Gasaway, 

by men. And any law which keeps this count- by Lillie Mae Caldwell. The article stated 

ry's five million adoptees and their ten million 

birthparents from knowing each other for 

I I 

that neither private nor public placement 

agencies require a police clearance of prosall 

their lifetimes, is a law that can, and pective foster and adoptive parents. And 

SHOULD be changed. 

only the District police and the D.C. Child 

We all need all the love we can get. 

Protective Services Agency have access to a

city government registry that lists child abusers, 

under present laws of confidentiality. It 

Five children were placed in the home of Lillie 

Mae Gasaway or Lillie Mae Caldwell or Mae Caldwell, 

depending on which of the five agencies 

she was dealing with. 

Of particular concern to the judge in the case 

was the fact that the infant had been placed in 

Caldwell's home after police had investigated a 

brutality complaint against her and one of the 

children had been removed from her home. More 

ustartling was the fact that a fifth child was 

obtained by Caldwell from yet another agency 

after she had been indicted by a grand jury in 

the murder of Hildred Thomas Gasaway. 

Judge Fred B. Ugast, who presided at the Caldwell 

murder trial last month, sternly called 

upon city officials after the trial to investigate 

procedures for placing children in adop- 

- tYork, .-. NY 10002. 

tive and foster homes. 

Dear Abby's ~others' Day column featured 

a letter from a birthmother who expressed 

her continuing love for her child and 

asked adoptive mothers to please send 

updates about children to the placing 

agencies to be forwarded to birthmothers 

so they will know something about their 

7 - 

children, Abby thought it was a wouderful 

suggestion. Some papers carrying her 

column also carried a letter from an adoptive 

mother expressing gratitude to her 

adopted child's birthmother and saying 

she prays daily for the birthmother's 

well being and good fortune. Abby encouraged 

adoptive mothers to send updates 

to agencies. Those wishing to Abby to 

let her know birthmothers appreciate her 

understanding may write her in care of 

\The New York Post, 210 South Street, New 

SURROGATE MOTHERS 

I 

The infant ha'd been placed in Ms. ~aldwell's 

I 

I had the pleasure of representing CUB on 

home pending adoption. 

I 

a recent television show that featured 

I 

Elizabeth Kane, the surrogate mother fro; 

Another clipping concerned efforts to separate 

Dentucky. It was a very interesting show 

mothers and infants when mothers are in prison. 

to say the least. 

I In Tallahassee, the Senate Corrections, Probation 

and Parole Committee voted to approve a The audience was made up of men and wobill 

that would force mothers who have children men from different walks of life; some 

I 

I while in prison to either surrender their newly were from agencies, some from religious 

I born infants for adoption or turn them over to groups, adoptees, adoptive parents, and 

relatives. 

birthparents. 

I 

Current law allows mothers who have their babies The co-host took a poll of the audience 

in prison to keep them for a specified period before the show to see if anyone agreed 

I of time if a circuit court judge approves. with what Mrs. Kane had done. There was 

not one person, man or woman, who approved 

of her being a surrogate mother, and they 

all had different reasons. 

Several social organizations and social workers 

asked lawmakers to leave the law as it is, saying 

it is important not only to the mothers, 

but to the children themselves, that they be 

together during the first critical months of a 

child's life. Bud Bell, representing the National 

Association of Social Workers, said similar 

programs have been working successfully in 

New York for 80 years, in Sweden for 100 years, 

and in England for 60 years. He also said, 

"California has an excellent program to keep 

lriothers and their children together and not one 

5ingle destructive thing has ever happened to 

any infant in that program. I I 

~espite the support of those who tried to prevent 

the destruction of families, the committee 

I I 

rlecided that babies have no place in prison. I I 

lle bill was sponsored by Florida state senator 

Gcorge irkp pat rick. 

I found Mrs. Kane to be a very well educated, 

together lady. After talking to 

her I realized she has feelings for her 

child, even though she states clearly on 

camera that she has never thought of him 

as her child. 

I asked her if she wouldn't like to see a 

picture of her child, and her comment was 

that she felt she couldn't handle it at 

this time. So what does that tell you? 

She does care, even though she says she 

doesnl t. 

She also said that she would welcome him 

with open arms if he comes to see her when 

her turns 18, or whenever he is allowed

to meet her. I feel she is just like all of acceptance of me because I didn't biew myus 

birthmothers, no different except that self as being of any value to anyone. I've 

she choose to give her child up from the lways had a problem with being afraid of. 

very beginning and most of us had no choice. being rejected so I never would let myself 

really love or be loved. Thank God I'm 

If she had so much compassion as she states 

having victories and I pray you will too. 

for the childless couple (~d. note: the 

couple already had an adopted child but they 

Susan Anglin, OK 

wanted a child that was related to them--or 

one of them), then why did she ask for mon- 

ey? I feel that the women who choose to be 

surrogate mothers will regret it in later 

years of their lives. I feel it will also 

be very hard on the child when it finds out 

about its mother freely giving it up without 

any regret. Surrogate mothering is truly 

going to be a very complicated'matter. 

Julie Bissey, NJ 

ADOPTEE SHARES HAPPY CONTACT 

On my thirtieth birthday I knew I had to 

begin my search for my birthmother. I had 

run from this long enough. Unrealistically, 

I'd always thought that it should be she who 

should find me and not me her. Now I know 

that it's easier for an adoptee to search 

than a birthmother. After I read an article 

about Lee Campbell I became a CUB member. I 

received names organizations to help me in 

my search and also some wonderful pen pals 

who gave me great encouragement. I thank 

the Lord for all of your help and for the 

sympathetic judge who released my original 

birth certificate to me. This gave me a 

place to begin my search and that is exactly 

where I found her. 

ON SURROGATE MOTHER1 NG 

Having read about Dr. Levin in the CUB 

Communicator i n February and having seen 

the Donahue show in question, I would like 

to share my personal feelings on this most 

delicate subject. 

I feel that whether they are doing it for 

humanitarian reasons or for monetary gain, 

the women whoare "used" are greatly misled 

and are fooling themselves. Every one of 

us is a personal testimony to the fact that 

no one has the foresight to know how she 

will feel ten, fifteen or twenty years in 

the future. They may be very convinced at 

the time that they can "handle" the situation 

and then find years later that it is 

unbearable. 

I think the whole thing is a farce--with the 

masks being the clincher. The poor baby, to 

see his new parents for the very first time 

in masks! And all to protect anonymity. 

The part that bothers me,the most is the 

contract in which the surrogate mother agrees 

to pay all legal costs should she refuse 

to surrender. Talk about digging your 

own grave! 

1 almost feel guilty because it took me so As for a policy on the issue I am torn. On 

long to begin my search and when I finally 

got serious I found her in just a little 

the one hand I feel very strongly that these 

are misguided women who very well may regret 

over a year. I know how long some have had their decision. And who are we to stand in 

to search and the barriers they come up judgment on-fhem? They are still birthagainst. 

mothers who carry a child for nine months 

. 

and then surrender, the same as any of us, 

A fewweeks ago I talked to my birthmother on 

BUT, I just hate the ugly publicity surthe 

phone. It was one of the hardest things 

rounding them and hope that no one associ- 

1've ever done--knowing that I would probabates 

them with us. I think they are victims 

ly turn her world upside down, and for awhile 

and being used, but they are also making 

I did. But she has been living with this 

public spectacles of themselves. I fear 

secret for 32 years and is just now able to 

thzt the general public, watching one of 

talk of it openly. She expressed her relief 

these surrogate mothers on national tv might 

to me and I can share in the same relief for 

draw the conclusion that ALL women who surthis 

leg of my journey is over. We plan on 

render children are so cold hearted. 

meeting in the near future and are corresponding 

frequently. I know the Lord worked I would be in favor of supporting test tube 

all of this out because I am special to Him, babies. I personally am against adoption 

and for a long time I ran from him and His in any shape or form, including so-called

I I open adoption. " The only case for adoption 

is in the event of a true orphan. This is 

the only time that adoption truly serves the 

needs of the child. 

Dr. Levin cites long waiting lists for adoptions. 

Well, this is true and this is sad. 

But I can' t help remembering something I 

once read in the Communicator (Ed. note: 

May, 1980) that said it is a shame people 

lose arms and legs and eyes, too. But do 

we ask that someone give them theirs? Yes, 

. it is very unfortunate that there are barren 

couples who long for a child to love, but 

perhaps the hard cold fact is that that is 

what God has meant for them. It is also interesting 

to note that the couple involved 

in this particular story already had a child 

they had adopted but wanted one "related by 

blood. " I truly believe that we must look 

to science for the answer. They are very 

close now to creating a test tube baby. I 

would gladly support their efforts in this 

vein, however that seems to some. Adoptees 

already feel that they were "hatched" and 

not born, so what would be the harm? 


LEG I S LAT I VE REPORT 

Ohio--HB 463: As it stands, anyone adopted 

in Ohio before January 1, 1964, may see his 

original birth certificate and documents at 

Vital Statistics in Columbus. This new bill 

will open records for those whose records 

are sealed by this 1964 cutoff. Letters of 

support should be sent to: Rep. William 

Healy, State House, Columbus, OH 43215. 

Again, those opposing this bill are pitting 

I II 

the birthparents right to privacy" against 

the adopteels right to know, so letters of 

support are greatly needed. 

North Carolina--kZB 341: North Carolina members 

see this bill as a small step in the 

right direction. The bill provides for a 

registry system to facilitate adoptee-birthparent 

contact. Both would have to register 

l before any - action can be taken. Letters of 

support are needed and should be sent to: 

Rep. George Miller, Chairman, House Judiciary 

Committee, N.C. General Assembly, State Legislative 

Bldg., Raleigh, NC 27611. 

Florida--SB 383 and HB 295: These identical 

bills authorize the release of otherwise confidential 

information to the adult (18) adoptee, 

the adoptive parent, or the birthparent 

upon request. Letters of support shouLd be 

11 

sent to: Sen.Childers, Chairman, Health 

and ~ehabilitative Services Committee, 318 

Senate Office Bldg., Tallahassee, FL 32301 

and to: Rep. Beverly B. Burnsed, Chairman, 

House Health and Rehabilitative Services 

Committee, 428 House Office Bldg., 

Tallahassee, FL 32301. 

Louisiana--HB 754: This bill establishes 

an adoptee-birthparent reunion registry. 

The Adoptees' Birthrights Committee of 

Louisiana does not support this legislation 

and stated, I I We are convinced that it will 

only put more restrictions on adult adoptees 

and birthparents than before. Depending 

on how this bill is interpreted, it 

could be deemed a criminal offense to obtain 

information other than through this 

state operated registry. This registry 

will be subject to yearly renewal with a 

renewal fee attached. A minimum age of 25 

years has been set which would deny younger 

adoptees the privilege of obtaining medical 

information in the case of an emergency, 

unless the adoptee goes through the expense 

of petitioning the courts. We would be 

right back where we started from as no compelling 

reason for opening the records has 

been defined by the state of Louisiana!" 

Those who oppose opening records in Louisiana 

state that they are seeking to help the 

birthparent retain confidentiality and 

. 

prevent additional abortions in the state. 

Adoptees' Birthrights Committee needs the 

help of birthparents who have surrendered 

children in Louisiana. Please write to 

your own state representative and senator 

and to: Rep. Mary Landrieu, 348 Baronne 

St., Suite 602, New Orleans, LA 70112. 

- 

Pennsylvania--SB 701: This bill was developed 

through Adoption Forum efforts, with 

CUB input. It will expand the information 

available on request to adult adoptees: 

original birth certificate, certificate of 

live birth, and the order of adoption. 

This will make searching easier and will 

shore up the access to the original birth 

certificate, which has been under some 

judicial attack in the past few years as 

11 ' 

~nconsistent" with sealed records provisions 

of the adoption law. SB 701 also 

gives birthparents something. The original 

birth certificate and certificate of live 

birth will be available on request. Letters 

of support may be sent to: Senate Pud~lic 

liealth and Welfare Co~nmittee, State Senate, 

Harrisburg, PA 17120.

U. S. Congress--S.989: This bill provides 

for an adoptee-birthparent reunifj.cation 

information clearinghouse at the national 

level. Both parties must apply in order 

for the national computerized adoption i- 

dentification center to locate the other 

party. The bill was introduced on April 

10, 1981, and referred to the Senate Labor 

and Human Resources Committee, Subcommittee 

on Aging, Family and Human Services. 

Patricia Palmer 

CUB Legislative Reporter 

SOURCE OF HELP FOR THOSE WHO ARE 

NOW PREGNANT 

Carol Gustavson sent the following newspaper 

clipping: 

"Dear Helen and Sue: This is for 'Miserable 

Oregon Girl' and others who are deserted, 

pregnant and desperate. 

I I 

There's a place in Summertown, Tenn., 

called 'The Farm. ' It's a large collective 

settlement of about 1,200 humble and good 

folk, where young women (older ones too) 

can go to have their babies delivered by 

natural childbirth, free. 

"If they don't want to keep their babies, 

the children will be raised at The Farm. 

If the women ever change their minds, they 

can have their babies back. 

"You can read about The Farm in the July 

1979 parents' Magazine and in many of the 

Mother Earth News issues. I've met some 

Farm folk and they're wonderful people, 

Nearly half their population is children-- 

who receive great, loving care there. Incidentally, 

they have many trained midwives, 

several doctors on call, and an ambulance 

ready for emergency runs to the 

hospital, 15 minutes away. 

"The address: The Farm, 156 Drakes Lane, 

Summertown, Tenn., 38483. S.E. 11 

MEDIA ADDRESS 

Those who wish to comment on NBC News Maga- 

zine's May segment on negative reunions may 

write to: Mary Beth Polson, Producer, NBC 

News Magazine, 30 Rockefeller Plaza, New 

York, NY 10021. 

One of the people interviewed on the show 

was adoptive parent Jenny Parker (see Sept/ 

Oct 1980 communicator), who voiced her be- 

lief that reunion is unfair to adoptive parents. 

A Texas woman described an unpleasant contact 

with her birth family, while another woman 

discussed her birthmother's refusal to open 

the door to her. 

A birthmother and her husband expressed horror 

at having been found and contacted by 

her surrendered son. She had been raped by 

a black man, and was visibly upset and tearful 

as she explained that she had thought the * 

baby was her husband's until the birth of a 

mixed race child. She seemed unable to 

think of her adult son as a person, instead 

appearing to see him only as a symbol of 

the trauma of her rape. 

The reporters on the show said that many 

reunions are happy for all parties concerned 

but that negative experiences also occur. 

FEELINGS ABOUT MY CHILD 

Things will never be right now that you are 

gone, Life will always remind me of what 

might have been, What I could have made sure 

of. I will never be sure now, I will torment 

myself and doubt that things are fine. 

I am afraid for you, not knowing what it's 

like for you. Hoping and wishing is not 

real, you are real. You will sing, and cry 

and laugh. And I will dream some more. If 

I could turn back time, I would know now 

what to do. But now the world is ahead for 

you, you deserve its beauty, it is for you to 

be pleased with, to admire and enjoy. 


Name withheld by request 

The brief article about "~eff" that appeared 

in the 4/81 Communicator stirred controversy 

and confusion. I received letters from several 

birthmothers who had been helped - by - Jeff 

. 

and were irate at any suggestion of impropriety 

by him as they were very satisfied with 

not only his results but also with his conduct 

and concern during their searches. The # 

article was vague about Lucy Pare's role, but 

Lucy has served as a go-between solely because 

of her desire to help other birthmothers find 

the peace and joy of locating their children. 

For the second month in a row, I have run out 

of space and don't have room for the column I 

wrote, but I didn't want to leave out any of 

the news that's included in this issue. Talk 

with you next month!

DONATING? 

L 

Your donation can make a difference by allowing CUB to develop and provide the infomatfon and materials 




Gifts 

O Vinyl bumper sticker: "Birthparents care.. .foreverH. $1.00 

0 Engraved Contribution Card honoring a beloved on a special occasion; to be mailed now or saved for 


listed in the "Hope and Happiness" column in the Communicator, be sure to specify how you would like it 

to appear and whether to use full names. Minimum separate donation of $5.00- 

0 Package of 20 Foldover Notes imprinted with,the,C.U.B. logo, $5.00 donation. 

Yellow T-shirts with C.U.B. logo and words, "Birthparents Care.. .Foreverp'. $5.00. 

Literature 

0 Birthmark, by birthmother and journalist, Lorraine Dusky. In love with a married man and committed 

to her career, Lorraine, at first, wanted an abortion she couldn't get. Thankful now, Lorraine describes the 

power of in-womb bonding. $8.00 

"The Birthparent's Right to Know", by Lee Campbell, C.U.B. President. Reprint from the 1979 issue 

of "PubIic Welfare" magazine. $1.00 

0 Death by Adoption. Joss Shawyer has written a no-holds-barred account of the tactics used by society 

to swindle women out of their children, $7.00 

Helping Hand, compiled by Gail M. Hanssen, C.U.B. National Secretary. A how-to work with agencies 

and courts to document your experience (a necessary step for healing), obtain other information, and 

Release "Protection". Sample letters and petition. $3.00 

0 1 Would Have Searched Forever, by Sandra Kay Musser, C.U.B. Vice President and Branch Administrator. 

A book revealing one birthmother's true story. $7.00 

17 Lost and Found by Betty Jean Lifton, a noted adoptee/author9s synopsis of the adoption experience. $5.00 

'0 My Family, genealogically designed "scrapbook" for non-adoption persons. $5.95 

'0 My Family, genealogically designed "scrapbook" for adoptees, $5.95 

'0 My Family, genealogically designed "scrapbook" for birthparents, to complete now to preserve their 


0 Orphan Voyage; Mother of the adoption reform movement, Jean Paton , writes this historical account 


"The Social Worker's Role in Adoption", article by Carole Anderson, CUB Vice President and newletter 


Our booklet, Understanding the Birthparent. 24 birthparents convey a vivid insider's view of surrendering 


' To purchase My Family books, send your order separately to: My Family Books, P.O. Box 23641, 

L'Enfant Plaza Station, Washington, D. C. 20024. 

JOINING? 

Voting Members; Birthparents only. Entitled to all services, voting privileges, one-year subscription to the 

newsletter. Annual dues $15.00; Lifetime Dues $150.00. 

Auxiliary Members: Non-birthparents who support our goals, professionals interested in increasing their 

understanding Entitled to all services, invited to critique, one-year subscription to the newsletter. Annual 

dues $15.00; Lifetime Dues $150.00. 

FOREIGNERS: Add$5.00 to cover additional postal costs. 

Free to each member, one copy of our pamphlet, "The Birthparent Perspective", with more information on 

CUB, adoptions past and future, teen pregnancies and sex education; and to voting members. one copy of 

our "fdelping Hand", a tool for working with agencies and tlie courts, (see also "Donating?").

CUB'S 18 Services 

B.E.T. ON YOUNG PARENTS PROGRAM: Pilot 'program in CUB'S Dover, New Hampshire office offers 

business education and training to pregnant teens and young parents. 

BIRTHPARENT ADVOCACY: Confronting your adoption agency or court of jurisdiction for justice? We offer 

our manual, A Helping Hand,, a collection of sample letters and court petition. A very helpful document, it 

is free to eGh paid CUB member. Others, send $3.00 to CUB headquarters. 

CONSULTANT SERVICES FOR PROFESSIONALS: On the CUB staff are experienced, educated and aware 

persons who can ably evaluate and make suggestions on your materials and programs. Send headquarters a 

brief description of your needs. Purchase of services will be required. 


want to lend to someone who is pregnant the kind of help only one who has been-there can? Contact our 

CUB Sister Coordinator (Address back page) for more information. 


young, single, or troubled pregnant women and their partners. CUB will help those who are contesting surrenders 

taken under fraud and duress. 


growth sessions for adoption and mental health practitioners. Purchase of services is required. Contact headquarters 

. 

LEGISLATION: Our monthly newsletter, the Comrnunicator,keeps you abreast of adoption legislation under 

consideration in most states around the country. Send our Legislative Reporter (address back page) copies of 

proposed changes in your local law. CUB members will rally to help. 

LIAISON SERVICES FOR MEMBERS: Oftentimes members know the name and address of' their adoption 

counterpart (obtained as personal ventures - CUB is not a search group) and ask us to act as liaison. While 

we cannot assume any responsibility for the outcome, CUB does have experienced, caring liaisons who will 

help in this capacity. Send headquarters a brief letter and we'll forward it to a. liaison with whom you can 

negotiate method of contact, preferred subsequent communication, and payment of expenses, If any. 

LIAISON SERVICES FOR PROFESSIONALS: As above. However, Purchase of Services will be required. 

MEDIA RESOURCE: By responding to inquiries from media, countless publications, television and radio stations, 

CUB has been able to educate the public about the trauma of birthparenthood. If you are a journalist 

or producer, contact headquarters and we'll put you in touch with the people and information you need to 

put together an informative piece. 

MEETINGS: Meetings are held wherever there is a CUB branch. (Check back page for one near you.) Sometimes 

branches hold small-group meetings in outlying areas. Occasionally, Representatives hold meetings, too. 

NEWSLETTERS: Funds permitting, we issue 12 newsletters a year. Our subscribers report it to be the best 

in the adoption reform movement! 

PENPALS: Paid CUB members are entitled to be matched with someone with whom they might wish to communicate 

on a more personal basis. Complete the coupon within our introductory newsletter, or send headquarters 

a brief note. 

REUNION REGISTRY: Many thousands of family members separated by adoption or divorce or similar have 

registered their birth statistics with us in the hope their counterpart also registers, We've been fortunate to 

match up many persons in our registry. To join, send to headquarters your one-time-only registration fee of 

RESEARCH: Underway is research on birthparenthood. We would consider other serious research projects. 

Send details to headquarters. 

SEARCH REFERRAL: If you feel you have worked through ail your conflicts and are ready to search, we'll 

be happy to refer you to a search group. Free to CUB members. Others, please send a donation so this 

service can continue for other non-members. 


students, sociology students, and other related fields. A speaker's fee is required.Please make arrangements 

through your local CUB leader (see back page) or headquarters. 

SUPPORT' EMOTIONAL: With the exception of search methods, no subject is taboo at CUB meetings or in 

the newsletter. If you feel birthparenthood has left its mark in terms of frigidity, infertility, substance abuse, 

child abuse, you-name-it, let's talk about it. Looking for ideas on how-to contact, CO~~-OU~-O~- the-closet, 

approach adoption professionals? We are here to help you grow in understanding yourself and in reconciling 

with Your past and your child.

C.U.Q. OFFICERS 

Lee H. Campbell Carole Anderson Sandra K. Musser Gail M. Hanssen Susan Daggett 

Preskknt VkG President, Vico President, National Socrotary National Treasurer 


1141 Independence 37 E. Walnut Avenue 

Waterloo. IA. 50703 Merchantville. N.J. Of3109 

I 

mile 

c.u.B. 

LEADERS 

Patricia Palmer Charleen Justice Carol -- Gustavson - 

Legislathre Reporter CUB Sister Coordi~tor Liaison Committee Chairperson 

nwnlekter dbWbrPm Stonybrook 212-D c10 HQ 

213 SW Flynn Drive Deptford, New Jwsy 0809S 

Ankeny, IA. SXl21 

C. U. B. Branches 

C.U.B. Repmsmtathres 

radius of area. Does not handle rnaney or keep books. 

hood within 100 mile radius of area and provider of ser 

QUALIFICATIONS: Energetic, articulate, resourceful; willing to solicit vices for birthparents. 

to media coverage; to adhere to CUB goals and philosophy; to make a QUALlFiCATIONS : As stated under Representatives. Also 

two year cummitment to the position. The position has been created for five area members - three of whom are willing to 

'1 

qualified individuals who do not vet have a core orouo to form a 

- - - hranch~ -.-.- - -. 

sume two year positions of Coordinator, Secretary. 

- - r 

Ahdca LwManr Ohio 

JaM Vee Shedlock Claudia Smith Carol-Kay Thompson Sandee Tuccio 

P.O. Box 154 P.O. Box 65 71 Westminster Ave P.O. Box 424 

7105 Shooreson Circle 

Androrage,AK. 99504 LA. ~~ Amherst. OH. 44001 

- 

-I#-'- 

n- ..r 

VB. m. a . . 

. 

Donna Mocarsky Martha McCann 

.V- ""A I.,.- 

benrer ap. Rd. 148 E. Hillcrest Ave 

Saul Diego, CA. 92115 

Hjltons Lane 

Edgefield, S.C. 29824 Rocky Hill, CT. 06067 Dayton, OH. 45405 

No. Benuick, ME. 03 

WHornia MCnnesota Pennsylvania 

M h i e Williams Robin Lee Ryant Sandra - Musser 

Barbara McGee 

1209 Belcamp Street Star Rt. 2, Box 233 6808 Ridge Avenue 8257 Greenleaf Circle 2396 Highland Ave. 

Rio Linda, CA. 95673 Hibbing, MN. 55746 Philadelphia. PA. 19128 

C - - 

. - - - 

I 

- 

I 

I 

Joyce Villanueva Cheryl E. Kirker 

I 

Chris Frank 

9195 E. LeHigh ~ lfD 320 Vandalia Street 2800 W. Chestnut Ave Patricia Murphy 

Las Vegas, NEV. 89106 Altoona, PA. 16603 P.O. Box 396 

Denver, CO. 80237 

Cambridge, MA. 02138 

Wide New Mampshlm Virginia Minmta 

I 

Plano, TX. 75074 

Brenda Rodriguez Susan Daggett Susan Fuller Pamela Bolduc Janice Hargus 

455 Branan Field Road P.O. Box 64 1304 Poco Dr. Box 33222 Box 

.. 42587 - - -- . 

Middleburg, FL. 32068 Merrimack, N.H. 03054 Richmc md, VA. 23235 11 Minneapolis, MN. 55433 Houston, J X. 77042 

Joan Arnette 

P.O. Box 115 

Texas 

Washington. D.C.IMd. 

Carol ~ean ~etola 

12709 Prospect Knolls 

ew York, N.Y. 10040 Cameron, Wl. !j4822 Haddon Hgts, N.J. Bowie, Md. 20715 

Norttr CarOihPa 

St- S. Miller Mimi Notestein 

1 Box 5202 14916 Brentwood Road 12977 N. Bartlett 

Boise, ID. 83705 Durham NC 27713 Milwaukee, WI. 53211 

Illinoh 

Gail A. Smith 

Ohk 

Darla Burrier 

1101 Grant Place 26 Laurol Dr. 

YOU? 

Urbana, ll. 61801 

- 

Pataskala, OH. 43062 

\ease 

NATIONAL HEADQUARTERS: C.U .B., Inc. P.O. BOX 573, Milford, MA. 01757 [603] 743-3744

PRESIDENT'S 

COMMENTS 

My dear friends, 

If you are raising kids then you are familiar with the surprise that goes along with their growth. Suddenly, their pants 

are "floods", their toes have popped through their shoe tips, or you wake up one day and realize you are looking up when 

you wish them "Good Morning". That's what it's been like for me and CUB. As we celebrate our fifth anniversary, I think 

back to our beginnings and gasp, "Wow, how did that happen?!" 

I 

, 

Last Saturday is an example. I went to the office for a little catch-up work. As I opened the door, a generous shaft of 

bright sunlight poured through the upper window and between the panels of white muslin cafe curtains in the lower 

section, and it spotlighted the red potted geraniums lining the floor. It was a pretty sight and I stood for a moment, just 

enjoying it. The walnut work tables gleamed. The mounds of 'work tipon. them', had been neatly stacked by our young 

mothers. It was obviously a friendly place where people worked, learned and had. fun. Behind me, in the hallway, was the 

crib which is always ready for babies when babysitting situations fall through. I felt good in a non-specific way, taking this 

all in. Then I noticed the six, deep, metal file cabinets which hold our Membership Registration Cards. Suddenly, I 

remembered a tiny battered green one, our beginning. 

Who could have guessed five years ago that our need - yours and mine - to be in touch could create an energy and a 

team capable of offering a wide variety of services to over 35,000 people.That we could have 36 branches and 2500 paid 

members. That we would be on national television and in countless publications. That we would produce educational 

materials ourselves. Not I. Though I had a vague sense we were going somewhere right from the start, the unfoiding took 

place too fast and in too many different directions to map it all out beforehand. 

Like each of us, I was engrossed in my own unfolding, as well. Though I had Michael's name in 1976, 1 was still very 

much closeted and fearful. I didn't dare dream he and his girlfriend would drive over to invite us to join them for a day on 

the beach, like he did this past weekend. And, his high school graduation ceremony was something I fantasized i might 

have to sneak into; we were invited. 

So much has happened since CUB and I began. Sometimes a part of me wonders what it will be like at the end of the 

next five years but a wiser part of me counters with a laugh and shrug. A crystal ball would have scared the hell out of 

me five years ago and I suspect peeking into one today would do the same. 

We sometimes get letters expressing gratitude for the work we do. A recent one said: "The purpose of this ietter is to 

give you all a big pat on the back. I have been a member of CUB since its beginning and am absolutely overwhelmed with 

the growth and progress this group has shown ... You have been making strides, giant ones, for me and ail the reluctant 

birthmothers who need your help. Thanks again, and God bless you. Keep up the wonderful work. - JB MI." 

And, often we get letters like the following: "My daughter is now almost 17 and although I wished to begin the 

search many, many years ago, i never knew where to start and, more important, I felt it might be damaging to her, should 

I succeed. Just by accident, I turned on the TV and It was just as if God was answering a prayer. All those years I was 

feeling I was the only one going through this hell inside, and there i sat relating to your and other's speaking. I tried to 

write you after that segment. However, even though i have come to talk easily about the adoption, to put it down on paper 

was very painful. My putting it off eventually ended up by me misplacing the address. One day I began to tear the house 

apart in search of the address, but with no success. I went to the TV as Donahue was on at that time. I wanted to 

get his address in order that I might write to him for yours. To my amazement, the first face I saw was yours, and again a 

prayer was answered. Not being a watcher of Donahue for many months, it just had to be more than coincidence. So there 

is no doubt in my mind or heart that my direction is the right one. - FS NY." 

I would like to remind the author of the first letter that she, and all members of CUB, are people to whom I feel 

gratitude. Your support has enabled me to meet many personal challenges in my life; it has provided an incredible learning 

environment for those who have chosen to explore, and it has brought 35,000 special people a measure of comfort and 

hope. 

Like the author of the second letter, there is no doubt in my own mind or heart that the direction our network is 

going, wherever it may end up, is the right one. So, to ail of you I raise my cup and say: "Cheers! Happy Anniversary 

and New Beginnings!" 

Lee H. &ampbell, M.Ed. 

President 

. ABOUT THE COMMUNICATOR 

Submissions to the newsletter are welcome. Send to Carole Anderson at address on back cover and specify whether full 

name is to be used. Only your first name and state will be listed unless specified otherwise. 

Change of Address - The Communicator Is mailed by special bulk rate and will not be forwarded. Be sure to notify hq 

promptly of your change of address. Six weeks notice is required. 

Membership Explratlon - Your mailing label on the front page of your Communicator contains the month and year of your 

membership expiration. Be sure to renew on time for uninterrupted receipt of your Communicators. 

01981 by Concerned United Birthparents, Inc. All Rights Reserved

EDITOR'S CORNER 

In celebration of CUB'S fifth anniversary 

the Communicator is eight pages bigger than 

usual this month. I hope you will enjoy it! 

I very much enjoyed attending part of the 

third American Adoption Congress in May. I 

felt I knew many of the people there through 

letters and telephone calls, yet I'd never 

seen most of the faces. The first few hours 

there were spent running around reading name 

tags and yelling, "Aha! You're ...." I did 

recognize Karen Wickham from a picture she 

had previously sent, and I knew a few others 

by sight. Now, I'm happy to say, I know 

quite a few more. It was great meeting all 

of you, and I only wish 1'd been able to be 

there for the entire conference so I could 

have spent more time with you. Living in 

Iowa, as I do, I don't often have the chance 

to meet with an entire group of birthmothers 

and adoptees, and I feel my determination 

has been renewed. 

Many of you wrote in response to Lee's request 

to send your opinions on surrogate 

mothering. A few of those responses are included 

in this issue. Some of those who 

responded insisted that surrogate mothering 

is completely different than adoption, while 

others feel that in years to come surrogates 

will feel just like birthmothers. 

Ply own feelings about surrogates are very 

mixed. I find the idea of deliberately creating 

a child with the intention of severing 

him from his mother revolting. Knowing 

adoptees and having heard them speak of the 

pain and confusion of being adopted, I have 

difficulty approving of a system that knowingly 

creates people who will suffer such 

pain, solely in order to give infertile 

couples the pleasure of raising them. Unlike 

most agreements between consenting 

adults, this one affects another party for 

life. 

Even though I find surrogate mothering morally 

repugnant, I do at least see it as more 

honest than adoption. I see it as akin to 

the difference between rape and prostitution, 

in the sense that in one the system steals a 

child from its mother and in the other the 

system buys it. In adoption, mothers who 

conceived unintentionally but love their 

children and want to raise them are told 

that surrender is essential for their chi.1dren's 

happi.ness. They arc told that their 

need to nurture and their love are selfish 

and that raising their own babies would be 

detrimental to the children. Adoption pretends 

to benefit children, and in a few 

cases it may. Generally, though, the only 

people who benefit are the adoptors. Surrogate 

mothering does not disguise its intentions 

behind the facade of "best for the 

child. " Instead, it openly admits that it 

is intended to provide the childless with 

babies. In surrogate mothering, babies are 

acknowledged as products for those'who order 

and buy them. I find that offensive, yes, 

but more honest than adoption, which is very 

often the same thing. 

- 

There are other differences besides that of 

honesty /dishonesty. Money is a difference. 

Agencies, attorneys or doctors profitted by 

placing our children with adoptive parents, 

but we did not sell our own children or 

receive any compensation for allowing others 

to adopt them. I believe that women have 

a right 

- 

to their own bodies and would not 

want to interfere with their right to make 

a choice, but I find the exchange of money 

. 

appalling. 

Another difference is in the area of consent. 

We did not volunteer to provide children for 

the childless. We became pregnant with no 

such thought (usually, in fact, with no 

thought) in mind and were then pressured to 

surrender for the children's sake or denied 

the resources we needed to raise them. Our 

youth, lack of money, or single state gave 

others the opportunity to exploit us and 

our children. Surrogates are not forced by 

their circumstances to surrender their 

children. They are older, have other children, 

and generally are financially secure. 

They do volunteer for this, even if we find 

their reasons incomprehensible. They are 

not being exploited in the way we were. 

How can surrogates agree to this? I can 

think of several reasons, none of which is 

really adequate to explain it. Women are 

conditioned to be self-sacrificing, to put 

others' needs before their own, to care . 

about others' suffering. Surrogates may think 

of the wonder and joy their children have 

. 

brought to their own lives and feel sorry for 

those who cannot have children. Infertility 

is sad, and I wish everyone who wanted 

children could prnduce them, and social 

workers would then stop trying to take away 

other people's babies to supply them. Per- 

2 

v

haps some surrogates, or even most, agree to through. space. The players are all women, 

this because>,of their desire to help such mothers--nurturers. and protectors of life-- 

people. I can't believe that money is the and their children, our hope and link 

primary motivation, especially since many of between future and past. In the golden 

the surrogates do not want or ask for money. evening light of late spring, these women 

Maybe they feel that nine months out of life weave a circle of celebration and caring 

is worth giving to make others happy, 

around a new mother and her child, sharing 

The nine months of morning sickness and back- gifts, sharing the ancient secrets of 

aches, however, is the smallest part of the. nursing and mothering that have enabled 

sacrifice these women are making, and I don't life to go on in spite of centures of 

think they fully realize that. Most people hatred,, ward, and the madness men have made. 

believe in the myths of adoption: the myth 

that birthmothers lose nine months and noth- Several women are gathered here. Two who 

. ing more; the myth that after surrender we have lost their own firstborn children to 

forget and the pain dies away; the myth that 

creating life andgiving birth are only phys- and raised other children; an older woman, 

- ical processes, rather than emotional and full of wisdom and peace, who has never 

spiritual; the myth that our children carry given birth but is a true mother to the 

with them only our genes, and not our hearts children she has raised; and her twelve year 

and souls; the myth that we can live a new old adopted daughter, playing with the 

life without lifelong effects for us and our babies and feeling the mysteries of her own 

families. Like the rest of our society, approaching womanhood. They all watch anthese 

women believe in the adoption myths, xiously as the new mother, abandoned by her 

and therefore believe that the'loss of a family and her man, frightened, but growing 

child is only a temporary interruption in a in pride and strength, puts her week-old 

woman's life. How many surrogates have had 

baby to the breast for the first time. 

the chance to learn from us that the loss 

of one's child is an on-going pain that 

The air is silent, waiting, filled only 

haunts us throughout life and creates probwith 

the soft sounds of the nursing baby, 

lems in our families? As long as. our society 

trying to bring back the milk that was 

views adoption as it presently does, I think 

supposed to dry up, go unused, as the baby 

surrogate mothering will be accepted too. 

was supposed to have gone into a stranger's 

I think that surrogates are being exploited, 

barren arms. This is the first sacrament, 

that Dr. Levin and others are taking advan- the source of all that is holy; ancient 

tage of their ignorance of what losing one's ritual of mother's body nourishing her newchild 

will be like in years to come, but I born child. We who have come together to 

guess I see it as less exploitive of these watch, help and surround mother and baby 

women than the usual infant adoption is of with encouragement and love, are humbled by 

birthmothers. Someday, though, they will the profound beauty of this moment. 

be suffering as we are, and maybe more since 

they will have to deal with having received The next morning, we all share in the exmoney. 

And if they do come to us, how can 

citement of words that have meant joy, that 

we condemn anyone for being ignorant of what for centuries have meant life itself--"ffer 

adoption does? 

milk has come in. " Mother and child are 

together and safe, a new nursing couple, a 

Carole Anderson, IA 

fragile new family, beginning their life 

. 

.............................. together. "Her milk has come in--Rejoice!" 

-----------------me----------- 

. 

A CIRCLE OF NOTHERS 

This true story has a special meaning 

for those of us in the adoption movement, 

because it was made possible by 

The scene is timeless, primal; it could the cooperation of adoptive mothers 

have happened at any time in the history of and birthmothers, and by the resources 

l~umanity, from the first flickering fire in of the CUB Sister Program and Origins 

the first inhabited caves to the unimaginable mothers. The women in the scene just 

glow of alien stars on future travellers described are myself; Carol Gustavson,

I 

an adoptive mother; and Marsha Riben, 

birthmother and La Leche League 

leader. Our involvement in this 

story has brought us special satisfaction 

because Kathy, the 17 year 

old mother whom we helped, is herself 

an adoptee, who hopes to search. 

This brave and gentle young woman 

felt very strongly from the start of 

her pregnancy that she would like to 

raise her child, but she had been 

sent to live with people who were arranging 

a private adoption, and she 

did not 'know of any other alternatives. 

An adoptive mother, knowing 

of her situation, took the time and 

trouble to provide her with some CUB 

literature, and the phone number of 

CUB Sister Coordinator Charleen Justice, 

who gave Kathy other possibilities 

to explore. The concern of 

this adoptive mother put in motion a 

series of events that lead to Kathy's 

choice, one week after giving birth, 

to keep her son, who was still in 

the hospital because of jaundice. 

At this point Kathy called Charleen, 

with whom she had been in touch 

earlier, and Charlene gave her my 

number. Within several hours after 

Kathy's first call to me, Carol Gustavson 

had been contacted, and had 

agreed to give Kathy and her son 

temporary shelter, and our Origins 

mothers came through with enough 

baby clothes and equipment to please 

any new mother, as well as financial 

help for emergency needs. 

Mother and baby are now doing well, 

and have relocated to a more permanent 

home with another of our members. 

It is especially encouraging, 

in light of recent disputes over 

search methods and other issues, to 

see that when there is a real need 

we can all work together efficiently 

and lovingly, and accomplish great 

things. 

Personally, I am gratified to have 

been ableto do for another young 

mother what nobody would do for me 

and my Son, to have spayed them my 

fate and my continuing pain. ALSO, 

Kathy is an adoptee, and I feel I 

have done for her what I would hope 

others would do for my child, if he 

were alone and in need. I'm sure 

mothers of daughters will feel an 

even greater identification with 

this situation. 

I hope everyone who reads this will 

offer their help to the CUB Sister 

Program, even if all you can offer is . 

some kind words. Believe me, you 

can make a difference. Our efforts 

and our love can give other young . 

mothers the choice we never had. 

Sisterhood is,powerful! 


AN OPEN LETTER TO fly SON'S ADOPTIVE 

MOTHER 

Dear other mother, 

I I 

I found out our'' son's name today. At 

least I can hear the news on television 

and read the paper in peace, knowing it's 

not my son. 

Where do I go from here? I'm not too sure. 

Things would have been so easy had you 

given me the information I asked for through 

your lawyer, A few pictures, a letter, 

whatever. Since you chose not to, all I 

can do is find you myself now. This .could 

have been avoided had you heeded my cry for 

help. 

Sure, it will take time and money--two 

- 

resources I don't have much of. With four 

other children to contend with it won't be 

easy. Still, I have to do this since you 

don't seem to care. 

Maybe in June when your son takes his rite 

of manhood, you could grow a little too. 

Don't fear me. I'm not evil, just a normal 

mother. Please think of this famous quote: 

If you love something set it free; if it 

comes back it's yours, if it doesn't it 

never was. 

Tina A., California 

--j---,-------,,---------------

v 

* 

MI NOR CONTACTS BI RTHMOTHER. 

me to see if 1 was real or not. Our conver- 

Part of my story i s in the March issue, but sation made me feel very good about myself 

I have more news. 

and T hope and pray with his parents' help 

After searching for and finding my birthson and understanding and with his acceptance 

who is 14, I became very confused but ob- of me, I will be able to help him understand 

sessed with the idea of what 1 planned to about his birth and I especially want him to 

do next. After much thought I decided to feel good about himself now that his knowgo 

to his home town and make contact with ledge of me is a real part of his life. He 

his adoptive parents. They were warm, kind knows now I have always loved him and cared 

people and they received me very well. about his happiness. 

They had promised to tell him about me when 

Loretta Chambers, Odessa, TX 

they felt he was ready. At our meeting I 

.............................. 

received a school picture of him. They .............................. 

also brought with them baby pictures for me 

to see. ~t's hard to explain how I felt 

A GREAT PAIN 

seeing those pictures as he was growing. 

It was a very emotional time for me. They After great pain, a formal feeling comes-- 

promised to write and let me know when they The nerves sit ceremonious, like tombs-- 

would tell him about me. We parted knowing The stiff heart questions was it He, that 

each other a little better. I did not see bore, 

my birthson at that time, but I accepted And yesterday, or centuries before? 

knowing he was alive, well, and happy. 

The feet, mechanical, go round-- 

After three months and several letters to Of ground, or air, or ought-- 

them I received a very nice letter, a 

A wooden way, 

school yearbook, and two 5 x 7 baby photos Regardless grown, 

of him. They could not keep their promise A quartz contentment, like a stone-- 

of telling him about me at that time. 

Little did I know what was going on in my 

This is the Hour of Lead, 

son's head. Something in him brought him 

Remembered, if outlived, 

to the point of searching out information 

As freezing persons recollect the snow 

in his adoptive parent's dresser drawers. 

First--chill--then stupor--then letting go-- 

He found photos and letters from me. His 

by Emily Dickinson 

adoptive mother found him holding a picture 

of me. After a lengthy discussion 

Mary Anne Cohen sent this poem to me along 

about me, he told his mother he wanted to with the following note: 

talk with me, Which is what we did. He Carole--This poem describes exactly how I 

was shy, quiet and very scared. I also was felt after signing the surrender papers, and 

surprised, scared and could hardly talk but many times since. Emily Dickinson has a way 

we survived. He wanted me to write him of cutting to the bone of intense emotion. 

right away and I asked him if I could send 

him a birthday card since his birthday was I don't know what she was describing in her 

only a few weeks away. You don't know how 

own life in this poem, but the feelings are 

much that meant, to be able after 14 years 

familiar to most women who have given up a 

to send him a first birthday card to him! 

child. Your poem reminded me of the feelings 

He said he would be at camp on his birthin 

this poem. Perhaps you could use them 

day but that he would write me while he was together sometime. 

there. I asked if someday he would like .............................. 

to meet me and his half brother, and he said 

he would like that very much. He also asked A thought to keep in mind the next time somefor 

more pictures of me and my family. Well one thinks you're crazy for admitting you're 

I was on cloud nine and I didn't want to a birthmother: TODAY IS OAK IS YESTERcome 

down! But I know now it's real. My 

birthson wanted to hear my voice and talk to DAY'S NUT THAT STOOD ITS GROUND 

___________________----------

SEEK AND FIND 

MUTUAL HELPFULNESS 

"There is nothing love cannot face, there is Problem solving assistance. If you 

no limit to its faith, its hope, and its en- would like input on a problem, or if 

durance" -- I Corinthians you have helpful advice for someone 

else whose problem has appeared here, 

I want to say that at the very start of this 

write to Carole at the address on the 

story, I have had my faith restored in human 

back cover, Answers that do not apnature. 

Thank you lovingly to Mary Anne 

pear in this column are forwarded to 

Cohen, Lucy Pare, Carol Gustavson, Florence 

the person who asked for help. 

Ross,, Lee Campbell, and the anonymous Mr. L, 

1 who through their selfless dedication in- I have ordered some books and booklets from 

1 

spired me not only to find my beloved first CUB for myself, but does anyone have sug- 

I born son, but also to bring him home with my gestions of what to do about the problems 

I family to live. and feelings of birth grandparents? My 

My overt search began July, 1980, and culminated 

April 4, 1981, when I drove over to 

Tampa to pick Scott up and bring him home. 

I promised when I held my beautiful firstborn 

son in the hospital I would find him. When 

1 I located Scott, aged 14 now, he was des- 

I 

cribed to me by the adoptive parents as having 

been a problem child since 1 year of 

I 

age and in and out of psychiatrists' offices 

and placed in a full care facility for problem 

children from ages 11 - 13--out on week- 

, ends only--and finally committed to a psychiatric 

unit in January 1981. I could not 

and did not accept this fate for my son. I 

asked the adoptive parents up front to give 

me a chance. 

mother has been feeling a tremendous amount - 

of guilt, crying, saying how sorry she is, 

blaming herself for what happened. What 

can I do.to help her overcome her guilt feel-. 

ings? She is suffering too. 

Gale, FL 

I found my son 2 days ago, after 16% long 

years of thinking about him and loving him. 

I walked up to him in front of his house 

and used the excuse of trying to find a 

certain address, as a means of speaking to 

him. I did not tell him who I was. 1 felt 

so weak and shaky I could hardly speak at 

all. 

It took about 2% months to work it through I am deliriously happy, and yet a terrible 

with the adoptive parents. Scott Iias been anxiety has come over me, just tring to 

with us now for three weeks. Our relation- think about how to actually meet him. His 

ship is loving and natural. There have was a private adoption, so there isn't an 

been minor problems and there will be more agency involved to initiate contact. I am 

to come. But this is life for all of us, our not sure I would want that anyway. 

earthly existence. 

I feel I should go to his adoptive parents 

Though Scott was born out of time and space, in person and tell them of my concern and 

Fate has returned him to me. caring. I want to assure them that I am 

happily married with other children and I 

Birthparents, you have an obligation to your 

know. I can never replace them in the life 

children to find them, to incorporate the 

of my son. 

truth and love which is rightfully theirs 

into their lives, to work to expose the old I would really like to hear from someone who 

system. The bond is never broken and the has successfully gone through a meeting with 

key is positive thinking. the adoptive parents. I wish to thank CUB 

My life is now dedicated to helping all who 

for giving me the confidence and the strength 

have lived through this immoral travesty 

to search. 

and I appeal to my brothers and sisters to 

Sandy, OK 

reach out, to search, to seek and find. 

Special thanks and love to my wonderful hus- 

To Paulette of ~al.ifornia, whose letter was 

band Doug. 

Mary Draughon, 1009 Idlewild 

in the January, 1981, newsletter: 

~r., Lt 12, alla ah as see, FL Your attorney is breaking the law, as he 

32301 (904) 877-4439 must know perfectly well himself. By Cali-

fornia law, if you sign a consent form, as 

you must do to make the adoption legal, 

eith a doctor, lawyer, or anyone else who 

legaily can handle an adoption, you have 

the right to know thename of the adopting 

paren'ts. If he refuses to tell you, write 

to the California State Adoption Bureau, 

' 

Social services ~epartment, 744 P Street, 

Sacramento, CA 95814. Or report him to the 

California State Bar Association. Personally, 

I would do both. 

Nancy, CA 

final or anything to do with the birth rec-. 

ord. I have still not been able to figure 

that out. Really it's just my word against 

nobody that I even gave birth to a daughter 

that June 19 years ago. 

I have tried to get a copy of the birth 

certificate through the courthouse and I 

might as well forget it. That's when I 

turned to the agency for help and received 

no thing. 

Lois, IN 

Here's a problem that I've never seen. 

printed in your paper. I'm an adoptive parent, 

and I'm sorry to say that the adoption 

worked out badly. 

I would actually welcome contact from my 

daughter's birthmother. She was born on 

June 26, 1968 in St. Petersburg,'Florida. 

Has this ever happened to anyone else? 

Joy, TN 

I am writing to you concerning the letter 

that was signed from Sara, CA, in the April 

issue. 

I, too, am a birthmother who went.through 

Lutheran Social Services in Ft. Wayne, 19 

years ago. 

I have been searching for sometime and last 

fall made a trip to the agency to see what 

I could learn since my daughter had turned 

18. I should have saved my time and energy 

as I found nothing. I was told I could 

write a letter and they would put it in her 

file and at some point in time if she came 

searching they would give her the letter. 

At this point af,ter talking with a young 

social worker that I don't think really understood 

just how I felt, I walked out of 

their office very upset. 

My folks were very religious and thought at 

the time I was pregnant that Lutheran Social 

Services was the answer. They lived in Ohio 

and I was sent to Indiana--it was just a 

pick in the phone book, I think. As I look 

back on things now, 19 years later, I know I 

was rushed through a lot of things that I 

didn't know anything about. I never received 

any kind of papers, when the adoption was 

As a small group of Concerned United Birthparents 

here in the Raleigh-Durham-Chapel 

Hill, NC area, we have found growth of our 

group extremely slow. We are finally promoting 

ourselves and getting a little local 

coverage but there are some birthparents we 

know in this aTea who decline to join us. 

We know more are out there but we can't seem 

to get a response. Does it take much time? 

Or is it because we live in the South, 

where women have been conditioned to be 

pleasing for others? Are our sisters too 

hurt to deal with their pain? Are other 

groups experiencing such slow growth? 

Also, I want to commend the efforts of our 

representative Stacy Miller, who has given 

so much of herself so admirably to help the 

cause of CUB and to help us personally. 

Robin Wilson, NC 

I am an adoptee who has been searching for 

either of my birthparents for six frustrating 

years now. Finally I have talked to a 

woman from the state in which I was born, 

and she explained that she is almost certain 

that she can help me get my birthmother's 

name. 

After all these years of searching, I can 

finally see the light at the end of the 

tunnel. Surprisingly, I have hesitated to 

give her the go ahead. These past six 

years I have been so wrapped up in my emotions 

about the search that I have never 

thought much about my birthmother's feelings 

all of these years. Now that my 

search is coming to an end and my birthmother 

is becoming a reality and not just 

a fantasy, I feel it is my responsibility to 

learn as much as I can about birthparents 

before I make my final step.

I 

I would greatly appreciate an actual birthmother's 

advice on a question that I feel 

only a birthmother can answer. 

I am terribly concerned about the initial 

contact made to my birthmother. I could 

contact her myself or contact could be made 

for me by the woman who is helping me with 

my search. Which way would a phone contact 

be easier on my birthmother? I lcnow that it 

will be a shock to her, but does a third 

party acting as an intermediary actually 

lessen the shock? How would she feel about 

this uninvolved party, and not talking directly 

to her daughter at first after a11 

rent physician. Also, request a copy of the 

surrender papers from the agency or court. 

(Ed. note: See The Helping Hand for guidance 

in writing letters) 

-__--____-____--_-_----------- 

C______-_______-_-_----------- 


Vicki McCall has made a contribution in the 

name of her son Michael Allan Flindt, born 

July 2, 1969, and to the day his father and 

I can meet and know him. 

Mimi Notestein of Milwaukee, WI, has made a 

contribution in honor of her son ~emi's 

these years of separation? 11th birthday May 15, 1981. 

I would like to hear from someone soon. 

Terry, OH 

A donation was made by Joanne Deering in 

honor of her daughter ~ary's birthday July . 

12, 1966. 

8 

I wanted to pass along a problem I have encountered 

which concerns trying to get a 

copy of my birthchild's hospital records at 

the time of his birth. If any CUB members 

are interested in trying to obtain these 

records, perhaps my problem can be avoided 

by them. 

When I requested my records and those of my 

son, I was told that my records could be 

sent but since my son was now of age he 

would have to sign a Release of Information 

form before his records could be sent to me. 

Obviously, I cannot meet that requirement 

now. Had I asked for my son's records while 

he was still a minor, they would have been 

available to me. So I would suggest that if 

hospital records are wanted, ask for them 

BEFORE the child comes of age. 

I would be interested to know if anyone else 

has had this problem and if and how it was 

solved. My search has been ongoing for 

about a year now and, of course, I have met 

obstacles, but I hope to eventually overcome 

them all. The CUB Communicator has been invaluable 

for providing support. Thanks to 

all. I wish for everyone, me included, a 

successful. search. 

Martha, WI 

A note from Gail Hanssen regarding records 

for those, like Lois, IN, who have no tangible 

records or proof of their experience: 

She can try to get her records directly from 

the hospital or on the request of her cur- 

TO MY DAUGHTER ON MOTHER'S 

DAY 

Twenty-one years ago, 

You and I spent Mother's Day together. . - 

Of course you don't remember, 

For you were only half-formed in my womb. 

I weep today as I remember that day's tears, 

Knowing that the next Mother's Day 

You would cling to another woman's breast. 

And how vivid is my memory 

Of the few agonizing moments 

I stood and studied your tiny face 

Through the nursery window. 

How I wanted to hold you then! 

How I long to hold you now! 

And, looking back, how I despise my cowardice 

When society, by virtue of its virtue, 

Declared that I, 

For being rejected by your father, 

Was unworthy of mothering you! 

If I loved you, they said, 

I would let you go. 

Oh, how I loved you! 

So I succumbed, 

Too weak to fight the current. 

Firstborn chi1 d--on1 y daughter-- 

Have you any Mother's Day love for me? 

Or did your instinctive love, 

Unable to understand, 

Unable to forgive, 

Withdraw from me forever 

Even as the ink was drying 

On that cold, heartless document 

I trembled to sign so many years ago? 

Jo Anne Swanson

RUBY LEE. PI ESTER I N PEOPLE MAGAZ I NE 

For those who missed it, try your local library 

to see if you can read the May 18, 1981 

People magazine, An article on Edna Gladney's 

executive director is featured in the 

"In Her Own Words" section. Titled "For 

Ruby Lee Piester, the First and Last Word on 

Adoption is 'confidential,'I' 

the article 

liberally quotes Ms. Piester's views on adoption. 

According to the article, Ms. Piester and 

her husband discovered that .they were unable 

to have children. She then decided that instead 

of adopting a child she would spend 

. her-life working, in adoption. She is quoted 

as saying, "I decided I could help more peo- 

' ple by working. I I 

.The entire article is heavily biased toward 

I1 

the view that secrecy is a must" in any adoption. 

The article is filled with phrases 

like "the disproportionate ratio of couples 

seeking to adopt" the "discouragingly small 

number of babies.- available. " It refers to 

I I 

the parents .of these babies as unwed mothers, 

" "biol'ogical 1 .parents," and girls She 

says s'ecrecy is necessary .... to prevent mothers 

from haying abortics, as she est.imates that 

50 percent of those who come to 

I I 

lad^;^ now would do so. 

11 

Ms. Piester asserts that there is a crisis , 

11 

in adoption" because, there simply aren't 

enough to meet the demand. I' (Since her idea 

of a crisis is mothers raising their own 

children rather than surrendering them, it 

becomes clear in the article that supplying 

infertile couples with babies is regarded as 

more important than the welfare of children 

and their families) 

i,f caring for one's own child is negative! 

1tts.a sad commentary on values to hope 

that "the number of adoptable babies will 

become more in line with' the number of 

good homes available to put them in. 11 

It seems not to bother her that those babies'already 

have parents. 

It seems especially appropriate that one 

of the single, pregnant women pictured in 

the article is wearing a blouse emblazoned 

with the word,CONVICT. 

Write to People and demand that they offer 

the opportunity for those interested in 

preserving and aiding natural families, and 

in openness and honesty for the adoptions 

that are needed, to express those views. 

CONMENTS ON P I ESTER 

I would like to comment on an article appearing 

in a recent People magazine on 

Ruby Lee Piester. Mrs. Piester is a 65 year 

old woman who has been the executive director 

for the past 18 years of the country's 

largest combined maternity center, and adoption 

agency in Fort.Worth, Texas--the Edna 

Gladney Home. 

Mrs. Piester is anti-open adoption and open 

records. Her total lack of sensitivity to 

birthmothers' feelings is appalling. Her 

Victorian terms in referring to birthmothers 

and their children, such as "unwed mother, I I 

"illegitimate child" and trying to hide 

"their mistake" are similar, in my opinion, 

to using crass slang to describe people of 

different ethnic backgrounds than one's own. 

She objects to the Model Act, which would 

Ms. Piester is described as a firm believer allow the birthfather veto power over 

in adoption whose "commitment led her to be- adoption after the birth of the child, for 

come a founding mother of the National Com- she fears birthparents would become anxious 

mittee for Adoption," which the article sees to keep their baby once it is born, and 

as "the nation's first full-time,. lobby and this practice can make things difficult for 

clearinghouse for adoption issues," though a mother (counseled by Gladney?) favoring 

unfortunately, many of us feel that they are adoption. She seems to think birthmothers 

only willing to look at one side of adoption, can surrender their own flesh and blood, 

that of infertile couples wanting to adopt their children to adoption as one would surhealthy 

infants, and not at adoption's effects 

on birthparents or adoptees . She regards 

render their pet's kittens or puppies for 

adoption (~d. note: people are encouraged 

natural fathers' rights as "a disturbing fea- to choose the homes their pets go to so 

ture" of the Model State Adoption Act because that they are assured of their welfare-- 

I I our experience is that some previously disin- are children less important?)..,with a 

terested fathers, or their mothers, become detached sentimentality and no negative ramanxious 

to keep a baby once it is born. I' As ifications from it in the ensuing years. 

300

I 

Her statement showsa cold approach to the 

feelings of a birthmother. 

/ She is mncerned for the adoptive parents if 

! 

I the Act is passed, for she feels they would 

be fearful that the birthparents would return 

at a later date and try'to take the 

child away. This depicts birthmothers as 

wild-eyed depraved individuals out of a 20's 

movie, who have little concern for anyone 

else's feelings. I have never heard of one 

birthmother whose intentions were to "take 

the child away from their adoptive parents. 

We would all like to establish some sort of 

relationship with the children we surrendered 

for. adoption ... but take them away? 

When a couple adopts a child born to another 

woman, they must keep one important thought 

in mind, and that is the bond that exists 

between the child and the birthparents. 

That bond can never be altered or destroyed. 

' II 

expexience ~g her adult birthchild turning 

up on her doo~step, 1tts n~ wonder the 

poor woman was so distraught, for she had 

been educated in the old way of thinking 

and still clung to that archaic way of 

thinking. 

Mrs. Piester feels that, at present, 

there is a crisis in adoption, for so many 

women are choosing to keep their children. 

This statement alone shows that she feels 

birthmothers have no right to keep their 

babies, and their feelings should be given 

little or no regard in the choice. In 

other words, birthmothers are baby machines 

producing children for other people! I 

personally applaud contemporary women who 

have chosen to raise their children. Their 

babies are where they belong ... with their 

mothers. Who is to say that because a 

child is raised in an environment without 

the "proper" credentials officiating the 

Mrs. Piester feels it is the birthmothers 

who demand confidentiality in adoption prooccasion 

that this child has no right to 

stay with its mother? 

ceedings. This shows how antiquated her belief 

system is. Twelve, eighteen, twenty- 

Of course, when we surrendered our babies 

five, thirty years ago we all wanted,confifor 

adoption we all wanted the best for. 

dentiality, and that was because we were all 

our children, for we had been programmed to 

numb robots with society's moral stigma 

believe that we were not the best because 

hanging over our heads like a dark cloud. 

we did not have a piece of paper declaring 

Society dictated that we were wrong for what 

we were married to the birthfather, therewe 

did ... having children minus a legal piece 

fore our babies would not have the best 

of paper declaring our babies "legitimate. 

with us, and adoption was the only avenue 

I I 

Our thoughts were controlled by everyone but 

open to us. I'm glad a11 of this has 

ourselves. Mrs. Piester feels that if the 

changed ! 

Model Act right-to-know clause were passed, I would like to hear comments and opinions 

it would force more birthmothers to opt for from those who have read the magazine aranortion 

rather than adoption. She states ticle. If you oppose Mrs. Piester's bithe 

"girls" would have a hard time picking ased article, I urge you to write the ediup 

the pieces of their lives, marrying, and tor of People. 

having more children (in wedlock), for then 

Diana Langlume 

everyone would know about their past. In my 

P.O. Box 2074 Station A 

opinion, surrendering our babies for adoption 

Burlingame, CA 94010 

would have been a lot less painful had we 

known to whom and where our children were 

.............................. 

going. It would have obliterated that tragic 

sense of loss we've all felt these long, 

lonely years, turning personal fantasy into 

___________________---------- 

THE SURROGATE WHO REFUSED TO SURRENDER 

Nisi Bhimani, also known as Lucy Thrane, read 

about surrogate mothering and was moved to 

Her paragraph on adoptees searching for their aid the plight of childless couples by volbirthmothers 

said the hunt and find was bene- unteering to become an unpaid surrogate. She 

ficial (in essence) in a negative way, for is a divorced mother who thought she could 

once the birthmother was found, the adoptee bear a child and surrender it. After she 

absolutely did not identify with her birthrr~other 

but wit11 her adoptive parents. She 

was artificially inseminated with the sperm 

of a New York man, James Noyes, she discovsays 

one adoptee found her 60 year old birth- ered that she could not bear to part with her 

mother, and the woman was distraught by the child. She informed the Noyes couple of her 

34

- 

I 

decision months before the child's birth, the address given above. There is no charge 

Mr. Noyes and his wife filed suit, asking for a copy, but only one is given per reques- 

'that she be forbidden to name the child tor. 

when it was born and asking that the baby FEDERAL LEGISLATION--S.989: As reported in 

be taken from her immediately. Blood tests the June Communicator, Sen. Levin of Michigan 

were ordered. After the birth of her son, has introduced a bill in the U.S. Senate, 

court action continued. Eventually, how- S.989, which would establish a national reever, 

the Noyes couple dropped their suit, union registry for birthparents, adoptees and 

following release of the information that relatives of birthparents. The registry 

Mrs. Noyes was unable to conceive or bear would be administered under contract to the 

a child due to the fact that she had been U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services. 

a male who had had a sex change operation. S.989 will be heard by the U.S. Senate Labor 

Mr. Noyes explained that "the extraordinary and H~~~ R~~~~~~~~ cornittee, but hearing 

~ublicity would not allow his child to lead dates have not yet been set. pat Murphy of 

a normal life. 

Massachusetts has provided the following list 

Judge Robert M. Olson said he probably of the members of this committee and wrote, 

11 

would have dismissed the case on the grounds It is very important that members in states 

that California law states !'the donor of se- who have a Senator on this Committee write to 

men provided to a licensed physician for use the senator, urging himher to vote in 

in the artifician insemination of a woman of Senate 989. The senators should also be 

other than his wife1' is not the father. asked to co-sponsor the bill and to set up 

hearing dates for the bill. Members of 

.............................. this committee are: 

LEG I SLAT I VE REPORT 

Orrin Hatch (R-~tah), Chairman 

Jeremiah Denton (R-Ala. ) 

FEDERAL--H.R. 311: From Virginia Rader of 

Thomas Eagleton (D-MO.) 

Washington, D.C., I recently received the 

John P. East (R-N.c.) 

- following in regard to this legislation: Paula Hawkins (R-Fla. ) 

"I have sent a copy (of H.R. 311) to Lee Gordon Humphrey (R-N.H.) 

Campbell, with a note expressing my alarm 

Edward M. Kennedy (D-Mass.) 

at this piece of legislation,..I'think it 

Howard Metzenbaum (D-0hio) 

would be appropriate if it is mentioned in Don Nickles (R-0kla.) 

your next Legislative Report that each per- Claiborne Pel1 (D-R.I.) 

son request a copy of H.R. 311, cited as the Dan Quayle (R-1nd. ) 

"Family Protection Act. I I After reviewing, Jennings Randolph (D-W .Va.) 

s/he can write their opinion to their Sena- Donald W. Riegle, Jr . (D-~ich.) 

tors and Representative, as well as to the 

Robert T. Stafford (R-~t.1 

sponsors of 311, Mr. George Hansen, U.S. 

Lowell P . Weicker , Jr . (R-~onn.) 

House of Representatives, Washington, D.C. 

Harrison A. Williams, Jr. (D-N.J.) 

20015, and Senator Roger Jepsen, U.S., Senate, 

* 

Washington, D.C. 20010.. ..Please note especi- Senators Denton (chairman), Eagleton, Humphally 

pages 42 - 43 (additional personal ex- rey, Metzenbaum, and Weicker make up the 

emption deduction for childbirth or adoption); subcommittee on Aging, Family and Human Ser- 

62 - 63 (~arental notification requirement vices, which must hear the bill before it 

for contraceptives or abortion for unmarried can go to the full committee. The address 

minors; .... It is not enough to assume this for all senators is: U.S. Senate, Washingbill 

will not get out of committees .... Its ton, D.C. 20010. (~d. note: If your state 

title is catchy enough, and many people don't does not have a senator on this committee, 

know about it; others don't know how to get a write to your senator requesting that he 

copy of it; and many people really do believe talk with his colleagues who are on the 

'let the government run things,' and do not committee to express your feelings on the 

keep themselves informed, thus, leaving a 

bill. Senators often respond to such relarge 

path for self-righteousness to walk all quests by writing to the other senators, 

over us all. 'The Price of Freedom is Eter- saying that their constituents have expressed 

nal Vigilance. I II You can obtain a copy of interest .... 1 

the bill by writing to your own representative 

or to Representative George Hansen, at 

From the MASSACHUSETTS CUB Newsletter: 

reform bills in Mass., Maine and New Hamp- 

I .. 

I

I 

shire have all died in committee. But, for 

New ~am~shire this year marks the start of 

legislative efforts .... In the previous newsletter 

(and March Communicator insert) members 

were asked to oppose Mass. House 5749. 

Our efforts have had no positive results. 

H.5749 is still alive, although it has been 

considerably rewritten and now appears to 

be a compromise between opposing views. In 

its present form H.5749 would (section 2) 

permit the release of non-identifying information 

to adoptive parents at placement, and 

directly to adoptees at age 18 or over upon 

their request; and (section 3) set up some 

regulations for Probate Courts in responding 

to requests by adoptees for information on 

theiradoption. These regulations would include 

that the Probate Court must notify the 

D.S.S. or agency, and that no information 

could be released without evidence of "compelling 

need" on the part of the person 

seeking information. Although this is not 

very positive, it can be seen as a first 

step toward more access to information. 11 

Also from the Massachusetts CUB Newsletter: 

"Another bill we must oppose is House 229, 

An Act to Recodify the Laws of the Commonwealth 

Relating to Records of Birth, Death, 

Marriage and Divorce Records or Reports, II 

submitted by the Mass. Dept. of Public 

Health. This bill would close access to 

records of birth and marriage in Mass.... 

Passage of H.229 would hurt not only our interests, 

but all citizens who wish to research 

their genealogy or who do historical 

research. Please write to your state representatives, 

urging them to vote against 

House 229." 


CONFERENCE NOTES 

On May 28 Carole Anderson and I drove to 

Kansas City, Kansas, to attend the Friday 

sessions of the American Adoption Congress' 

Third National Conference. Getting together 

with others in the open records movement 

was a tremendously invigorating experience, 

and it was especially nice to meet so many 

people we have communicated with or read 

about in various movement newsletters. 

The conference opened with remarks from 

Tom Allington, Conference Chairman, and Jay 

Swearingen, Consultant. Jay enumerated the 

requirements he feels the American Adoption 

Congress must meet if it is to serve as a 

viable umbrella organization for the many 

and varied adoptee and birthparent. organizations 

across the country: better organization, 

concise policies and goals, visibility, 

access, a news organ (he gave the 

Communicator as an example for the AAC), 

legislative reform and a national registry. 

Emma Vilardi then talked about the International 

Soundex Reunion Registry, and Dr. 

Joe Davis spoke on "The Physician and The 

Adoptee in Search: Friend or Foe?" He 

advocated "friend, " but his lack of understanding 

of the birthparent and surrender 

brought an outburst from some CUB members. 

After lunch Gail Hanssen, CUB national 

Secretary, spoke on "Who's in the Back of 

the Bus?" (You guessed it--birthparents! 

But we don't have to stay there!) B.J. 

Lifton followed with "Dorothy, Son of Sam, 

and The Wizard of Qz. I I 

Later in the afternoon there were two 

workshop periods, with six sessions to 

choose from each time. I participated in 

the workshop "Search Aftermath and Adjustment," 

a panel presentation which also included 

an adoptee, and a birthmother and 

her birthdaughter (the searcher). The 

panel was moderated by Pat Sanders of 

California. 

Although the general sessions and the workshops 

were both interesting and informative, 

Carole and I agreed that the part of 

the conference we liked best was getting to 

talk in£ ormally with so many others in the 

movement. We were especially delighted to 

meet and get - to spend - some time with Gail 

Hanssen, with whom we have both corresponded 

and have had numerous telephone conversations 

regarding CUB business and personal 

matters too. For both of us, seeing Jean 

Paton again was also very special. It was 

a special privilege and pleasure to visit 

at length with B.J. Lifton (B.J.'~ excellent 

new search novel for'teens, I'm Still 

Me, was available at the conference, as 

well as her two other adoption books). We 

met many birthparents who enriched our 

lives with their stories, we listened eagerly 

to the adoptees' feelings about their 

experiences, and we felt that special 

closeness and understanding which exists 

among those who have been separated from 

family members by adoption. 

Patricia Palmer, IA

THE BACK OF THE BUS 

Following is most of the text of a speech 

by Gail Hanssen, CUB Secretary, who represented 

CUB at the third American Adoption 

Congress in Kansas City. 

This year,' something different happened (in Massachusetfs): 

an additional piece of legislation was 

introduced...not by CUB members or Orphan Voyage 

members or conservative adoptive parents or other 

Massachusetts residents...but by a fellow who 

travelled from Washington, D.C. to introduce legislation 

designed to undo much of the work that'has 

been accomplished in recent years. The bill--to 

preserve and protect the absolute confidentiality 

and peace of mind of the adoptive family--would 

make it illegal in Massachusetts for any agency to 

act as an intermediary for any of the parties of 

adoption. It would also virtually eliminate any 

transfer of information--whether medically vital or 

I I merely" socially and psychologically important-- 

between birth and adoptive families; and effectively 

outlaw any form of open adoption, including the 

placement of older and hard to place children who 

need to remain in contact with former foster families, 

siblings placed in other adoptive homes, or 

extended birth families. 

Many people were appalled at not only the content 

of this proposed bill, but also by its tone and the 

underlying assumptions behind it: that any contact 

between birth and adoptive families is harmful or 

disruptive; that individuals and families are not 

capable of choosing or being given an opportunity 

to decide what is best for themselves; that any law 

can guarantee the peace of mind or security of any 

individual or family. 

But perhaps more disturbing, even, than the proposal 

itself was the way in which it was greeted by 

those who felt their lives would be restricted or 

harmed. Rather than joining forces to oppose such 

a change in the law, and working together to enlist 

the help of agencies whose professional discretion 

would be curtailed, adoption related people began 

to look around and among themselves for a source of 

blame. And among those Eirst on the list were 

birthparents, particularly birthparents who had 

searched, and found, and perhaps contacted the agency 

requesting their service as an intermediary, or 

perhaps the adoptive parents directly, or perhaps 

the adoptee him/herself. And who among adoption 

related people was ready, willing and almost eager 

to absorb that blame? BIRTHPARENTS! 

The logic of blaming birthparents for a proposal 

that would prohibit agency intermediaries (thereby 

INCREASING the lielihood of direct contact) escapes 

me. But I am really more interested and concerned 

with our willingness to accept any blame that is 

hea~ed uDon us; . particularly . - that which comes from 

within the adoption reform movement. The exaggerated 

sense of guilt that we carry and perpetuate 

within ourselves is sometimes mirrored by our counterparts 

within the movement: adoptees who cannot 

or will not tell their parents they are searching, 

because it will hurt them; adoptive parents who 

feel that an adoptee's search is a reflection of a 

failure in upbringing, much the way delinquency 

used to be viewed. Why do we feel this way7 Why 

do we make ourselves feel guilty and worthless and 

ungrateful, or inadequate7 Why do we allow others 

to evoke those emotions within us7 How does that 

happen? How can others--relative strangers--make 

us feel so BAD? Dr. Ellis, author of Reason and 

Emotion in Psychotherapy askes the question this 

way: 

Why do highly intelligent hunran beings, 

including those with considerable psychological 

insight, desperately hold on to 

their irrational ideas about themselves and 

others? Why do they illogically and intensely 

continue to blame themselves (thus 

creating anxiety, guilt and depression) and 

unforgi vingly blame others (thus creating 

grandiosity , h ostility and resentment) even 

when they get such poor results from these 

two kinds of blaming? 

And the answer: 

Because men actively and energetically keep 

verbally reindoctrinating themselves with 

early acquired "hogwash." 

In other words, we do it to ourselves! We do it by 

the things we say to ourselves--the irrational 

thoughts we think--the illogical emotions that we 

upset ourselves with, and we do it over and over until 

it becomes second nature, so that whenever there 

is blame to be placed, we are right there to say, 

"Oh, yes, it's my fault...It's me who's wrong (or 

bad, or ungrateful) ." 

Every human being is subject to these same kinds of 

illogical thinking. Man is uniquely suggestible and 

uniquely rational. Our developed brain gives us the 

opportunity to talk ourselves into--and out of--many 

difficulties. As Dr. Ellis suggests: 

13 

Emotion does not exist without thought, including 

remembrances of past experience~. 

Thus sustained negative emotions are the resul 

t of stupidity , ignorance and disturbance, 

and could be eliminated by knowledge and 

straight thinking. 

Those of us living adoption are perhaps more susceptible 

than most to illogical thinking, because we 

have been traumatized in a special way. We have 

been taught - to hide the truth from ourselves and 

others. We have suffered greatly in order to please 

or pacify others; we have all been dealt a Eate 

which taught us in part to be grateful for what we 

HAVE, and not look for more. We have learned these 

lessons well; too well, in fact, and that is the origin 

of our problems of self worth now. 

Tl~ose who taught us those "truthst'--let sleeping 

dogs lie, be grateful for what you've got, how can 

you hurt us after all we've done, what will the 

neighbors think, this will kill your grandmother--

I 

1 

I 

I 

I 

I 

I 

I 

I 

are not going to "unteach" us. We've got to take 

hold of ourselves, draw on a little assertiveness, 

a little rational thinking, and teach ourselves how 

to live our own lives as we see fit. Guilt and 

self blame lead you to bow down to some arbitrary 

external authority, and make you less self sufficient 

and self confident. Guilt leads to self sacrifice 

for and dependence of others, which is the 

antithesis of true mental health. Guilt leads to 

focus on past delinquencies rather than on present 

and future constructive behavior. Guilt leads to 

anxiety and prevents clear thinking about anything. 

Guilt puts you on the BACK OF THE BUS--and only YOU 

can decide when to get off. 

We know what the source of our problem is. Maybe 

our adoption experience, and probably a hundred other, 

much smaller happenings irrelevant to adoption 

or the situation in which you find yourself angry, 

upset, guilty. But what are you telling yourself to 

create and sustain your emotional difficulties? If 

you can see how you are doing this to yourself, then 

eradication of those irrational feelings.becomes 

possible and quite feasible. 

I would like to point out for you some of the irra- 

* tional ideas that Dr. Ellis presents in Reason and 

Psqchotherapq that you may be using to limit yourself 

and your growth within the adoption experience. 

These ideas are common to most all people, and there 

are others that I will not mention today. The list 

was not made to refer to adoption related people 

alone; but some of these irrational ideas occur over 

and over again among the letters and phone calls and 

conversations we at CUB have with birthparents and 

others. 

Irrational Idea #1: It is a dire necessity for me 

to be loved or approved by virtually everyone. 

thinks this new restrictive legislation is my fault, 

because I contacted my son's adoptive parents. It 

makes me really feel bad. I' 

Such thinking is irrational because you are allowing 

others' thoughts to control your feelings. Other 

people can actually do little harm to you other than 

physically assault you, or deprive you of money or 

food, and that is highly unlikely. Most onslaughts 

are psychological, and have little or no power to 

harm you unle'ss you believe they are harmful. You 

make others' words or gestures harmful by your attitudes 

and reactions. If you say to yourself, "They 

are right--it's my fault--I've caused so many people 

problems now because of my own selfishness," then 

you are upsetting yourself and giving control of 

yourself to others. Why should you accept such illogical 

reasoning? Why should you accept "blame" 

(which is counterproductive anyway) and offer your 

self respect and happiness in payment? How will you 

feel instead if you say to yourself, "They are mistaken 

about my part in all this?'' 

The third irrational idea I'd like to bring to your 

attention is: It is easier to avoid certain life 

difficulties and self responsibilities. 

For instance, when you say to your parents, "I'm 

going to the library to study this afternoon," when 

you are really going to an ALMA meeting, or Orphan 

Voyage meeting, or CUB meeting. Or when you don't 

tell your wife you've decided to search for your 

birthchild, borne by another woman; or when you 

don't tell your children what you've been so upset 

about lately. 

Remember that avoidance is only a temporary solution. 

Your immediate pleasure or relief may result in 

later problems. A life of avoidance is rarely satisfying. 

Self confidence comes only through doing. 

In other words, I can't tell my neighbor about my 

birthparenthood, because they will think I am awful. 

Irrational Idea /I4 for adoption related people is: 

past history is an all important determiner of 

They won't let their kids play with my kids anymore, one' s present behavior. 

. . 

and they will probably shun me, and I will be miserable. 

Not so! Just because as a child - you were subservi- 

Why is this irrational thinking? Because, first of 

all, it is virtually impossible to be loved or approved 

by everyone, all the time. Individuals have 

their own prejudices, which you may not be able to 

overcome. If you spend all your time trying to win 

people over, you will have no time for anything else 

in life. You will constantly worry HOW MUCH do 

they love me? Do they STILL approve of me? You 

will be so insecure you will drive others away. You 

must recognize that your PREFERENCE to be laved or 

approved is just that--a preference; nor a dire 

need. Not being loved or approved is annoying or 

frustrating, but if your neighbor never spoke to you 

again, it would NOT be horrible or catastrophic, and 

certainly would not make you awful. 

The second irrational idea we need to think about 

is: Human unhappiness is externally caused, and 

people have little or no ability to control their 

sorrows or disturbances. 

In other words, "It hurts me that the search group 

ent to your parents' wishes and unable to stand up 

for your rights doesn't mean that now, as an adult, 

you cannot assert yourself. The same applies for 

any adult you may deal with. If you are using the 

past as an excuse not to change the present, you are 

only cheating yourself. If you rely on past solutions 

to problems, you may miss better present alternatives. 

Remember, today is tomorrow's past. 

Work on today. 

The last irrational idea for us today is that: One 

should become quite upset over other people's problems 

and disturbances. 

For instance, "My mother just cannot handle my 

search for my birthmother. It makes her so upset 

I' 

and that makes me upset, or, "My in-laws think it's 

awful that I tell people that I am a birthparent. 

They are so worried and afraid that someone will see 

the bumper sticker on my car. And I don't know what 

to do about it. I' 

The first thing you must remember is that these 

. -

"others" are upsetting themselves by their own irrational 

thinking, and by putting your actions in 

control of their behavior. THEY are doing it--not 

you. Your getting upset in reaction to their upset 

does not help them or you, and it doesn't change 

anything. Worrying about what others do sidetracks 

us from tackling our own problems. Calmly see what, 

if anything,, you can do to help. But remember, you 

are in charge of yourself and your feelings. 

Finally, I think more than any other people, perhaps, 

adoption related people could use the support 

and guidelines of an assertive bill of rights, which 

was sent to me through CUB sometime ago. All of' 

us have, at one time or another, put ourselves on 

the back of the bus as a result of our adoption status, 

or allowed ourselves to be put there. Each of 

us needs to decide who is kee~ing us there. and how 

we like the ride. Are we getting anywhere? If not. 

when are we going to get off? In makiqg these decisions, 

you might want to replace some of the illogical 

statements you've been making to yourself with 

these. 

ASSERTIVE BILL OF RIGHTS 

I have the right to judge my own behavior, 

thoughts, and emotions, and to take responsibility 

for their initiation and consequences 

upon myself. 

I have the right to offer no reasons or excuses 

for justifying my behavior. 

I have the right to change my mind. 

I have the right to make mistakes--and be 

responsible for them. 

I have the right to say, "I don't know." 

I have the right to be independent of the 

good will of others before coping with 

them. 

I have the right to say, "I don't understand 

. " 

I have the right to say, "I don't care. I1 

I have the right to be treated with respect. 

I have the right to have and express my own 

feelings and opinions. 

I have ffls right to be listened to and 

taken seriously. 

I have the right to set my own priorities. 

I have the right to say "no" without feeling 

guilty. 

I have the right to ask for what I want. 

I have the right to choose not to assert 

myself. 

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE THE L'NITIATIVE IN 

DOING THE BEST I CAN TO GET NIZAT I NEED. 

l'ili.s is \ghat we are a11 about this wcekcnd in Kansas 

City. We arc all taking the initiative in doing 

the best we can to get what we need. We can hopefully 

provide the strong, supportive and accepting 

atmosphere in which our individual experiences are 

validated by others who have shared the same seat 

on the bus, and respected by those who have not. 

We can energize ourselves and each other anew, and 

work collectively and individually to see that the 

back seat on the bus is empty. 

FOR HEIDI--CONTINUANCE 

Gail Hanssen, MA 

I was young and alone and penniless and frightened, 

And you were even younger and more helpless than I. 

They bound my breasts so I could give you no milk 

And my hands were bound too-- 

I could give you nothing 

Unless I gave you away. 

The earth has spun many times since then. 

My heart has beat with you every minute of each day. 

There has been a life for me, a husband, a home. 

And the prayer that the life I gave to you 

Has been a full and joyful one. 

For you are my only child--I could never bring forth 

another life. 

You alone will live beyond me. 

I want to know you. 

I want to give you roots, and wings. 

Roselyn McQuown Vaccaro, VA 

ADOPTEE FINDS B I RTHMOTHER AFTER 39-Y R SEARCH 

You published the letter my husband wrote to you (Ed. 

note: Feb. '81 communicator). I have searched on 

and off for over 39 years, but now my search is over. 

She was waiting for me. I found my mother, and two 

brothers, nieces and nephews, sister-in-law's--oh, 

what a glorious feeling, and it happened so fast. 

I was accepted, with open arms, because my brothers 

always felt they had a sister somewhere. My mother 

is 87 and living in a nursing home. 1 fell on my 

knees, hugged her, kissed her, and held her for a 

day. Oh! Wliat joy, and happiness. So please tell 

'I 

all, Don't ever give up searching, because she's 

waiting for you. Thank you. 

Arlene Kleppel, OH

1 

PEN PAL REQUESTS Martha Meyer, 3356 S.E. 16th) Portland, OR 97202. 

Anyone is fine. I would especially like to hear 

Virginia Fisher, 197 Appleton St., (15, Lowell, MA from adopted people, I l m an 

01852. 62 year old birthmother searching for her 

daughter in Florida. Seeks someone of sane age Cynthia Giglione, Rt. 1, Box 30-A, Elizabethton, TN 

and situation. 

37643. Anyone who has personal experience with the 

V.O.A. Maternity Home in Shreveport, LA. 

Nancy Benjamin, 48 Telford Ave., Streatham SWZ, 

London, England. Birthmother who surrendered in Sarah Stover, Rt. 2, Box 543, Guntersville, AL 35976 

California. Surrendered daughter who is now age A female pen pal who surrendered a child for adop- 

14. Has made contact with agency. Writes poetry. tion and is still searching for her child. As 

Seeks someone who surrendered in California or close to my area as possible. 

with similar interests. 

Connie (Hesselbein) Ashley, 234 West Dudley St., 

Niki French, 10225, Bissonnet, i11151, Houston, TX Maumee, OH 43537. I would like to hear from anyone 

77036. I have a 13 year old birthson who was nd- who surrendered a daughter in 1966 and a son in 1968 

opted out through the Arizona Children's Home in through Children's Services in Cleveland. I am 

Tucson, AZ. He has an 11 year old sister also searching for my son who was placed in a family who 

adopted through the Arizona Children's Home. I later adopted the above mentioned children. Also 

stayed at the Brewster Home in Tucson for awhile. would like to hear from anyone who was in the Flo 

I am married to the birthfather and we have no Crittenton Home in Cleveland. 

other children. I am especially interested in Melody Rightmire, P.O. Box 399, Kings Beach, CA 

corresponding with a birthmother from Tucson, but 95719. I would like to correspond with a California 

would love to hear from anyone from anywhere. birthparent who can give me some hints on completing 

Kathleen M. Looper, 1708 Willow, nay City, TX 77414 a Search through the Los Angenes County agency I by 

I would really like two penpals, one who has been mail. 

there already and one who is going through it now. Elaine Thomas, 5474 Alnwick Dr., St. Louis, El0 63129 

Rose Keaton, P.O. Box 2614, Ruidoso, ml 88345. Would be nice to have an adoptee around 50 who has 

not found birthmother or a birthmother who has not 

Millie J. McClure, 704 Chicago St,, Belvidere, IL found adoptee. 

61008. If possible, someone who has a halfbrother 

that they're trying to find. 

Frances Jane Gay, Rt. 3 Bx 284, Bartlesville, OK 

74003. 

Bernadette Stempel Eubank, Rt. 2, Box 399-B, Keystone 

Heights, FL 32656. Anyone who may be able Jean HcLaughlin, 2005 Vine St., West Des Moines, IA 

to help with how to contact or who lives close to 50265. Has anyone been unable to have other child- 

Gainsville, Palat ta, ~acksonville area. 

ren by birth, then adopted children? 

Rosemary Biddinger, Box 515, shelby, Montana 59474. phyllis Lewis, 893 Date, Yuma, A2 85364. Others 

Someone 30 years old or older. 

whose child is grown and who are unsure if child 

knows of adoption and how to proceed without causing 

Catherine L. Brozovich, 2518% - 8th Ave., Rock Is- child problems, 

land, IL 61201. Someone who has searched for and 

found their birthchild, or someone who married the Nanette Evans, 206 S. Woodrow, ~attle Creek, El1 

birthfather sometime after their child was surren- 49015. Someone who surrendered her baby at a Young 

dered. Anyone who wants to talk. 

age and is now married with other children, if possible. 

Vernie J. Clark, Rt. 2, Box 348A, Kinston, AL 36453 

Catherine Martinage, R.R. 1, Box 13, Old Town, ME 

~ebra ~ubes ter, 1730 omb bard Ave., Oshkosh, WI 54901,04468. A birthmother, preferrably, but I will write 

One who, like myself, is searching for his her to anyone interested in writing to me. 

birthparents. 

Carol A. Christensen, 159 Converse Drive, Lapeer, 

Gladys Morena Steele, 42050 Merced Ave., P.O. 897, MI 48446. 

Coalinga, CA 93210. 

Deanna Elkins, 14605 56 Dr. NE, Marysville, WA 78270 

Wary E. Brandon, Route 1, Box 270-F, Kingston, TN Prefer born again Christian birthparent around my 

37763. Someone who may be able to help me find my age (36). ~lso interested in others who surrendered 

surrendered son and try to understand and has exper- to Nebraska Children's Society in Omaha. 

ienced almost the same thing but has been reunited. Mitchell, Box 266, Baldwin Place, NY 10505. We are 

Joy V. HcCabe, 5 David Circle, Woburn, blA 01801. I interested in meeting our birthson, born 9-19-63 in 

found my daughter recently and would like to get in st, John's Hospital, Santa Monica, California. 

touch with another birthparent or an adoptee or ad- 

optive parent who lives in the Poughkeepsie, NY 

area. >iy daughter will be 18 October 12. 

Anna K, Holmberg, 3525 Jonathan Cir., Augusta, GA 

30906. Someone who has completed a search for a 

minor child. 

Susan Kenward Clu, Box 264, Witts Springs, AR 72686 

A woman who has lost her child or a child who needs 

someone to listen. . 

Nancy Pucka, 721 Woodward Ave., Apt #2, McKees Rocks 

PA 15136, A birthmother who surrendered a son to 

Catholic Charities in Wash, D.C., in 64. Ely daughter 

is sharing her adoptive home with another adoptee.

MOTHER 

to the United States to be sold to American 

Mother, 

couples who want to adopt them was the sub- 

Do you ever wonder 

ject of another article. Some of the in- 

What's become of your little girl? 

fants were kidnapped to make them "available" 

She's grown up now 

to American consumers for prices up to 

And wants to know you 

$10,000 per "adoption. " One thousand stolen 

~f only she could find you. 

children were recovered at the San Ysidro 

port of entry last year, indicating the mag- 

Did you cry when they came to get her? nitude of the problem. State laws are usu- 

Those strangers who were to be her parents? ally written in vague enough terms that 

But you, Mother, are her flesh and blood. the baby sales are difficult or impossible 

Perhaps loved her like no other? to.prosecute. - Clearly, these tt adoptions" 

- 

Mother, 

are arranged not for the "best interest of 

Do you feel guilty 

the child" but for the profit of the brokers 

For having given me away? 

and the emotional wants of the infertile 

You should not, I'm alright. 

couples who buy the children. 

There should be no sorrow or pain. 

A newspaper clipping from a Des Moines, IA, 

You know you could find her 

If you tried. 

And she will welcome you, 

Her arms open wide. 

I love you. 

NEWS CLIPPINGS 

Jane, OH 

Anna, CA, sent quite a stack of news clips 

to me. California CUB members Kathy Sly, 

Sandee Tuccio-Flick, Bonnie Endo, and Mary 

Jo Rillera were featured in a feature article 

that was written by an adoptive parent 

journalist. The article also quotes Reuben 

Pannor, one of the authors of The Adoption 

Triangle. Later clippings show letters 

written by adoptive parents in response to 

the article. Not surprisingly, many voiced 

the usual fears about contact and accused 

birthparents of being selfish, immature, and 

irresponsible. They described adoptive 

parents as providers of stable homes and say 

they do not want to share a child with his 

or her birthparents. 

Another clipping concerned a paternity suit 

filed on behalf of a 15 year old mother of 

two children. The father of the children is 

21 14 year old boy who is in ninth grade 

lasses with the children's mother. The 

mother is seeking to have paternity esta- 

- blished so that child support will become a 

possibility when the father is older. The 

children are living with their mother and 

1 parents. It's good to scc grandparents 

Contraband children brougllt from Mexico to 

paper showed an 88-year old adoptee who had 

finally found her mother. Of course her 

mother had long been dead, but the adoptee 

was able to place flowers on her grave. 

Her children and grandchildren helped her 

search for her mother, and found out much 

about her. The woman said her search and 

finding had been a very emotional experience 

for her but she felt much better to know who 

she was and to know that her mother was a 

good woman who was well thought of in her 

community. Her mother had later married but 

had no other children. The woman is st;-11 

trying to discover who her father was and 

learn about him. Apparently the need to 

know can last forever. 

SURROGATE MOTHERS 

A few months ago, we asked members to 

write their feelings about surrogate 

mothers. We certainly had a response 

to the request! Many of you wrote 

long letters on the subject and expressed 

a wide variety of views. In 

this issue, we'll share some of those 

letters. 

I feel very strongly regarding the surrogate 

mother issue. CUB is going to need to stand 

by to support these ladies as they are someday 

going to feel no differently concerning 

their children than any of us do. It is an 

amputation no matter how altruistic their 

intentions were for doing it. 

When Ms. Kane appeared on "Donahue" she 

sundied it up perfectly when she said somethin 

to the effect that if she had allowed herself 

to s2e the baby one more rime she would not

have been able to surrender. Right then and 

there I thought, "Honey, you are going to 

need CUB in a matter of time. 11 

Dr. Levin states that all surrogates must be 

married and have other children. A woman 

could have 10 other children and they will 

still not ever replace the one she has lost. 

I surrendered my daughter for humanitarian 

reasons rather than accept a fat fee for a 

private adoption. That does not make the 

hurt any less. 

So far I have not seen any "form of adoption" 

that brings happiness for everyone invo 

lved . 

Lois., TX 

I am absolutely nauseated by the method of 

surrogate baby selling. I won't even use 

the word mothering. 

The idea or concept in and of itself sounds 

acceptable, but I have one burning question. 

If these so-called "stable, happily married 

women" are so interested in helping out. 

11 

infertile couples for humanitarian" reasons, 

why are they so anxious to accept a 

fat fee? 

We in CUB who made the ultimate sacrifice 

not only did not receive a penny, but we are 

regarded by a so-called moral society as deficient, 

inadequate, and would ruin our 

children's lives just by our mere presence. 

These g------ b------ are just given a lot 

of money, support from the community, etc. 

They're even on the talk shows! I truly 

hope that they have to pay ten times the 

grief they are causing their innocent 

children by doing this, and I truly hope 

that these kids grow up to hate these 

so-called mothers and that the kids force 

I I 

these humanitarians'' to pay them some of 

the fee they received for "giving" them 

birth. 

Candace, IL 

Please, let's take a stand against surrogate 

motherhood. I'm very afraid that many adoptive 

parents will point to E. Kane and say, 

"There! See? It's no big deal to give 

birth! She gave her baby away and isn't 

having an emotional breakdown or making 

trouble for the adoptive parents. I I 

E. Kane even asked the adoptivemother-to-be 

to give her permission to see the boy she 

had conceived and carried for 9 months!. 

Her situation is so different from what most 

of us birthparents went through. She has 

not had to experience the pain we have. 

Why is this Dr. Levin so hot on adoption? 

Is he a "baby bgoker?" Is he making a lot 

of money? Is he in thick with adoptive parents? 

And what about that little boy? ~on't bother 

to tell me he won't have some heavy questions 

in his life! 

~on't forget, if E. Kane had refused to sign 

those papers, they said they would have sued 

her. Now how's that for "understanding, generous, 

caring adoptive parents?" 

This whole thing stinks. 

Sara, CA 

Our group could agree on only two points 

regarding surrogate mothers: 

1. a woman has the right to her own 

body. 

2. every child should be protected 

against closed r'ecords and has a 

right to knowledge of his or her 

birthmother, whether surrogate 

mother or other . 

Personally, I feel that this is a situation 

of "taking advantage of.. . . " Any time someone 

"takes advantage of ..." it is also a 

situation of exploitation to some extent, no 

matter how slight. As a birthmother, I have 

a bad taste in my mouth, if not an abhorrence 

of such situations. 

Robin, NC 

I could not even watch the review of it on 

television. I feel I was psychologically 

induced by my doctor's pretentious attitude 

into surrendering my child to his office 

assistant/close friendlnurse. 

Women, and men, have done foolish things, 

but this whole inhuman, degrading thing of 

being an incubator for someone else to have 

a baby is mind blowing. 

I believe God gave us the power to bring another 

human being into the world, the miracle

of birth is divine, and this little infant 

has the potential to become an Einstein, a 

great artist, or great mind. Most of all, 

to think, rationalize, reason, wonder about 

his beginning and his purpose in life. What 

kind of em~tionally complex difficulties 

will he have to deal with, knowing that Abraham 

Lincoln stopped the selling of human 

beings during his presidency, and yet here 

over a hundred years later he was bought and 

sold before his birth--before even his concep 

t ion. 

This is a human being that is exchanged for 

money. It is illegal in most states, and I 

pray with the most earnest fervor that it 

will be in all states. 

It was not during the early months of pregnancy 

that I felt a loving bond with my baby. 

At first I felt nothing. In about the 

fourth month feelings of love began, and 

they have continued to grow ever since. I 

miss being separated from my child even 

though I have three others. 

God sometimes has a way of showing His 

wrath when he is displeased. How would a 

surrogate feel if her other children die in 

a house fire or tornado or wreck? 

I don't feel that this is another form of 

adoption. .I know people don't want to wait 

5 years for a child, but to have a baby for 

someone else simply does not sit well. When 

I was married and had a miscarriage, and was 

told my chances were not good for conceiving 

I was willing to wait rather than to have another 

woman carry a baby and then give it to 

me for adoption. Ir reminds me too much of 

the child I carried for 9 months. I cannot 

see any woman agreeing to carry a child and 

then give it to strangers, even though it 

may be legal. Children are not meant to be 

produced like assembly line products and 

then sold. I feel very strongly on this. 

Phyllis, CT 

I saw the Donahue show with Elizabeth Kane 

and am grateful to share my views on surrogate 

parenting. 

I. I have the greatest admiration for 

this lovely lady, who has truly gone 

the extra mile in giving. I hope the 

19 

parents of this little boy will always 

be grateful to her and that they will 

share that gratitude with him as he 

gets older. 

2. My personal belief is that we are 

living in an age of advanced technology 

for a reason, and that is that we 

use it to better our lives or benefit 

the lives of others. Think of the 

operations that have prolonged people's 

lives, separated Siamese twins, medical 

miracles unheard of in earlier days. 

Surrogate parenting is just such a 

miracle for a woman who cannot have a 

child, considering the barbaric adoption 

laws, abortion on demand, and 

mothers keeping their children. Surrogate 

parenting is wonderful, as is artificial 

insemination, if these gifts are 

used in a righteous purpose. 

3. However, I disagree about the fee. 

When I had my daughter 16 years ago, my 

medical bills and the bills at the Florence 

Crittenton Home were paid by me 

and my mother. She should have her 

hospital bill paid as well as her obstetrician's 

fee, but I don't think 

it's right that the adoptive parents 

should give it to her when they might 

otherwise be able to spend that money 

to raise or educate that child. 

Susan 

I think that being a surrogate mother would 

be a great act of love.. I agree that you 

should be given psychological testing to 

find out your true feelings and if your true 

feelings of wanting to give so much of yourself 

is out of love and sympathy for those 

who are infertile, then it is a good thing. 

Something to take into consideration, though, 

is the feelings of others of your family. 

Since Ms. ~ane's parents were upset at what 

she did maybe the arrangement should have 

been to have pictures and periodic reports on 

the child's well-being. I think any adoption 

should be OPEN, considerate, and humane to 

all parties involved. 

An adoptive mother ' s viewpoint: 

Vickie, OR 

CUB does not need to develop an official

I 

policy on this. Each CUB member can have 

herlhis own opinion. 

One of CUB'S big complaints is everyone else 

'telling birthmothers what is best to do, 

Especially social workers who have not been 

birthparents. CUB should butt out from deciding 

what these surrogate mothers should 

do. As it happens, most surrogate mothers 

have had biological children, are making 

this decision with much consideration. They 

are entering into this well aware of each 

party's rights. The birthfather has every 

amount of legal right to custody after birth 

as the mother. 

Unlike adoption of newborn infants regularly 

the child is not being deprived of a blood 

relative totally. Being a CUB birthparent 

does not give you a right to publish a group 

position on this issue, and CUB'S main interests 

will be diluted if CUB gets involved 

with side issues of adoption, any more than 

it does on issues like abortion, loss of 

custody in child abuselneglect, etc. 

This is not just an opinion. 

STRONG opinion. 

This is a 

I happen to have an acquaintance who loves 

being pregnant, is'a super strong-willed type 

person who does what she sets out to, and 

has openly said she'd like to surrogate mother 

if a time comes in her life when it would 

be suitable. This is not for me--I can do 

with normal channels of adopting. 

I feel it is quite important that some effort 

be made by society to determine the effects 

and problems of this. Many articles regarding 

the birth of Elizabeth Kane's child have been 

printed. How will the adopted child feel when 

all the publicity states that the "father 

wanted a child related by blood?" It makes 

the.previously adopted child less important 

than a child born and adopted because he 

was related to one of the parents by blood. 

How are a surrogate mother's children to 

feel? Children are very sensitive people. 

If a mother gives away a child's brother or 

ister, why should a child not have doubts 

as to whether or not their mother is to 

keep them or. give them away? How is a 

child to feel secure when they are expected 

to understand that their mother is having a 

baby, giving it away, but it should in no 

way affect their emotional stability? That 

is not a realistic approach to any debatable 

program. 

Dr. Levin states that his mothers are 

tested psychologically. How do you test 

someone on something like feelings in 20 

years, or on what may happen when these 

children are older? These are facts of the 

program, yet not feelings at the present 

time. A surrogate mother may think she 

understands all the problems, physically 

and emotionally, involved in an adoption 

and think that none of it will affect her. 

Noone but a birthmother who has lived for 

many years will all of the problems can 

understand. She is not merely a mother of 

"humanitarian concerns" as Dr. Levin 

states, but of a living person who will 

grow and develop, who will eventually 

want answers about his being, answers to 

his identity. 

Bobby L 

All of this theory sounds quite noble and 

makes a surrogate mother rather like a subject 

for a heroine's story, In the end it 

I I 

I was really glad to see the subject of surbreaks 

down to a complex unit of people in 

rogate mothers" in the newsletter and here 

an adoption. In the end these birthmothers 

is my comment: Down the road these mothers 

will face the same realities we all do. I 

are going to be walking in the same path that 

feel it has one problem we do not. This 

birthmothers find so hard to travel, and will 

child was conceived for the purpose of 

be facing the same closed minds of others. 

leaving its birthmother, and has slightly 

less dignity - . than an ado~tion because he is 

I firmly believe most are doing this for the not wanted on his own merit as a human bemoney 

and only the money. Less money, fewer ing, but as part of the father's flesh. 

surrogate mothers. 

I personally voice my opinion against sur- 

Wyona, WC7 

rogate motherhood, at least until there is 

proof that these mothers do not suffer the 

same problems that other birthparents have, 

that the previously adopted children do not 

suffer, and that children of the surrogate 

mother do not suffer. If they can prove 

that, I would be delighted to reconsider 

all opinions I have formed. ... 

Susan F

CldB's 18 Services 

X' 

B.E.T. ON YOUNG PARENTS PROGRA!,!: Wrot program in CUB'S Dover, New Hampshire office offers 

bunlnaos uducatlon and lralnlng to pregna?: reens and young parents. 

RIRTHPARENT ADVOCACY: Confrontinc !cei adoption agency or court of jurisdiction for justice? We offer 

our manual, A I-iolpinn Hand, a colicctlo- 3: si;nple letters and court petition. A very helpful document, It 

13 Ire0 to eecli ()aid CUB member. 0thc.r. secd 53.00 to CUB headquarters. 

CONSULTANr SERVICES FOR PROFESSIONALS: On the CUB staff are experienced, educated and aware 

poroorls v,ho can ably cvoluate ,wlG rake r.igp~:ions On your materials and programs. Send headquarters a 

brlof dotlcriptlon of your needs. Pua,:nase sr s~r.rices will be required. 

CUB SISTER PROGRAM: Are you yc.JnS. ,~;?g:s, troubled, and pregnant? Know someone who is? Or, do you 

v~snl to lond to someone who is prqna-;t 232 kind of help only one who has been there can? Contact our 

CUB Sister Coordinator (Address Szk. 9qe: f:r more information. 

FAMILY ADVOCACY: Exploitatiori ;?y sme r~er-zealous adoption professionals continues upon vulnerable 

young, single, or troubled pregnan: vione- iTcz :heir partners. CUB will help those who are contesting surrenders 

lakon under fraud and dure5.s. 

IN-SERVICE TRAINING FACILITATORS: G-i.s? time. vie have developed and facilitated countless professional 

growth scsslons for adcption and rr:ent;l >:&iit. oractitioners. Purchase of services is required. Contact headquarters 

. 

LEGISLATION: Our monthly newzktt~r. :'e Ccmmunlcator,keeps you abreast of adoption legislation under 

consldcration in most states around :?;? Xl,rtr). Send our Legislaiive Reporter (address back page) copies of 

proposed changes in your local lave. Cut -er;g-,ers will rally to help. 

LIAISON SERVICES FOR MEMBERS: Oi:sr members know the name and address of their adoption 

counterpart (obtained as personal *vrr:l:uiS$ - CU3 is not a search group) and ask us to act as liaison. While 

we cannot assume any responsibili;y for r:-s rutcome, CUB does have experienced, caring liaisons who will 

holp in this capacity. Send headqurri~rs 2 ?.riff letter and we'll f~rward it to a liaison with whom you can 

negotiate method of contact, prefer:?~ sc-~;~c~zn: 

- -- 

communication, and payment of expenses, if any. 

LIAISON SERVICES FOR PROFESSIONALS: A.3 

above. However, Purchase of Services will be required. 

MEDIA RESOURCE: By respondir.; t.2 i-c- r:?z from media, countless publications, television and radio stations, 

CUB has been able to edccz:c t'.~ z,r.ir. about the trauma of birthparenthood. If you are a journalist 

or producer, contact headquarters zc.2 :.r you in touch wiih the people and information you need to 

put tcgctllc?r an inforrnalive piece. 

MEETINGS: tvlcctlngs are held v,:e-e:c;' 

times branctlcs hold small-group -?em p : ~ - 

j a CUB branch. !Check back page for one near you.) Some- 

:l-:'ylns areas. Occisi~nally, Representatives hold meetings, too. 

'---- 

NEWSLETTERS: Furids permitti-.; ti? $.I-+ '2 ?e.r~sletters a year. Our subscribers report it to be the best 

irl lht? ad0r)llOn rcf0rm moV€!rnCn!i s?.:,. -:.:-.%: .- 

?re aj/ailable at S1.cO each from headquarters, 

PENPALS: Paid ClJB n.wrlibers a!e ?-::.-:?: -::; matched with sczsone with whom they might wish to comrntrrilca!t~ 

:~rn a rnorc personal bar,: 5.~: +:? :re coupon within sur introductory newsletter, or send headquirrlers 

a brial notu. 

REUNION REGISTRY: Many Ihoi!.z-.:s :: 'i-;.i members separated by adoption or divorce or similar have 

rc!cjistercd thoir hirtti !jIalistics Vi1.r .,r, :- 'ice their countersart also registers. We've been fortunate to 

rnolct1 up rnilny pcrsorie In our re-,,s!r! 't ::.-. send to headquarters your one-time-only registration fee of 

$5.00. 

RESEARCH: Uririorway Is roscar:. 7.1 :.v:.?'erlthood. We vfou!a consider other serious research projects. 

Sonri cl!?lnllr; lo lioorlq~rartors. 

SEAHCH REFERRAL: II yoti fee: !:; r,.'r vl:c%ed through your conflicts and are ready to search, we'll 

IN tii.t[)py to rolor yoir lo a war:- : Free to CUB members. Others, please send a donation so this 

!]orvict! cil~i c:ontin~ro for olliar rif~r,-.-~c:r-.ta~.: 

SPEAKER'S UUREAU: CUl3 Ifiti,:f:-: r.2~4 ::.:ken to colleges of social v~ork, maternal and child health 

ol~ctf!tr~t!i. :;oc;iolf.)(ly :iltrtl(!rlla, an!: -.'rr:v -5 :+e~.: !!elds. A speaker's foe is required.Please make arrangements 

tllrou()l~ your. loc~ll (.;iJ[.] loildor 5 ? :.;;r.: .>r headquarters. 

SUPPORT Wit11 !:r! t:rc.e:' :r .if search melhods, no subject is taboo at CUB meetings or in 

1 0 ? w : I ! If yo11 loo1 blrltip;ir~ri::!~ct:: -$?;a, !eft its rnark in terms of frigidity, Infertility, substance abuse, 

: ( ! , i o - I lot'rj :ant 3 . i? Looking for ideas on how-to contact, come-out-of- the-closet, 

~lOOr0;~cll :IcJ~ollon prolos:~lurlc.tls? Irlc. art *f-rr. :o help YOU grovf in understanding yourself and in reconciling 

will1 your l~ast atitl vour clllltl

C.U.B. 

O F F I C E R S 

Lee H. Campbell Carole Anderson Sandra K. Musser Gail M. Hanssen 

Susan Daggett 

President VlcG President, Vice President, National Secretary National Treasurer 


1141 Independence Box 156 

Waterloo, IA. 50703 Oakl~n, N.J. 08107 

C.U.B. 

L E A D E R S 

Patricia Palmer Charleen Justice Carol Gustavson 

Legislative Reporter CUB Sister Coordinator Liaison Commjttee Chairperson 

and newsletter distributor, Stonybrook 212-0 c10 HQ 

213 SW Flynn Drive Deptford, New Jersey 08096 

Ankeny, \A. 50021 

C. U. B. Branches 

to media coverage; to adhere to CUB goals and philosophy; to make a 

two Year cunlmifment to the position. The position has been created for 

ONS: As stated under Representatives. Also 

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7105 Shooreson Circle P.O. Box 154 7571 Westminster Ave P.O. Box 424 

South Carolina 

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an Diego, CA. 92115 

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P.O. Box 115 

12709 Prospecl Knolls 

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fvlimi Notestein 

nise, ID. 83705 

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NATIONAL HEADQUARTERS: C.U.B., Inc. P.O. BOX 573, Milford, MA. 01757 (6031 749-3744 

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a 

RIGHT TO SEARCH BALLOT 

Please read this ballot but don't answer it until after gou've read this issue o.f the newsletter. 

Tl~e ballot is printed on this page so it will be easy or you to clip and send and 

so that e l have gour address label designating whether you are a voting or an auxiliary 

member, so if you want to send a Xerox copy because you don't want to cut up your newsletter 

be sure to copy the label too. Please vote on this important matter--your feelings count.! 

.:Is you'll see later in this issue, ORIGINS has requested that CUB issue a statement support- 

# .~ng Lucy Pare in her efforts to help searchers, using the services of a researcher in her 

cfforts to find missing family members. CUB'S Board explored the request and some Board 

meri~bers questioned whether this would conf 1j.ci wit; CUB'S policies regarding search. C1,early 

we support the right to search, but to what e:-.cent o we support searchers, especially those 

who may be legally challenged? To clarify ou:. pol- y on the degree of suppo-rt CUB should 

estend to searchers and researchers who are challenged legally, we need to have voting member:~ 

(birthparents) register their votes on the following issues. While auxiliary members 

(non-birthparents) are not voting members, we would appreciate your views, which will be 

0 

c7iven serious consideration during the vote tallying. 

Gefore voting, a few terms used in the ballot must be defined. In question 1, I I adoption- 

related person" means anyone related by blood and separated by adoption, and adoptive parents. 

In questions 2 and 5, "searcher" means any adoption-related person who is looking for a miss- 

1 I 

ing family member. In questions 3, 4., and 5, a rese3rcher1' means a peer support group, a 

peer, a detective, a genealogist, 01: anyone else (such as a relative or fri-end) who aids an 

adoption-related person in a search for a missing family membe~:. 

1. Do you feel CUB'S policy should support the unconditional right of an): adopt:i.on-related 

'person to choose whether to search for another? 

- a. Yes, as written above. 

- b. YES, but there should be restrictii,n.s (check as many as apply): - search should 

be only after adoptee has reached majority; only birthparents can scarch; - only 

adoptees can search; - only adoptive parents can search; - other 

- c. 0 , CUB should not support the unconditional right to search. 

. 7 If a searcher is legal1.y challenged, do you feel CUB should openly support that person 

by issuing an official statement? 

! 

- a . Yes, give official support without restrict-ion. 

! -, 5. Yes, give oEfi.cia1 support with the following restrictions (c11eck as many as apply): 

, Llnless the person admits s/he performed a clearly illegal act of sigi~ificance, 

such as -- misrepresentation of self; - bribing a public official; - other 

- c. Yes, but only if searcher is a CUB member or circumstances involve CUB directly 

(such as a CU13 meeting being 

- 

recorded with hiclden tape recorders). 

d. No CUB shouldn' t ~rlalce n s tatenlent one way or tlie otl~er. 

- 

3. If &searcher is legally challenged, do you feel CUB should openly support that person by 

issuing an official statenlent? 

- a. Yes, give official support witi~ot~t restriction. 

- b. Yes, give offi.cia1 support with the hllccl~ing restrictions (cl~eclc as many as apply): 

Unless the person admits s/he performed a clearly illegal act of significance, 

I such as - rnisreprcsentation of self; - bribing a public official; - o ther 

I - c. Yes, but ollly if the researcl2er was a CUD referral or CUB is involvecl directly. 

d. No, CUB shouldn't make a statement one way or the other. 

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I . 

- 

4. Silould CUB support the right of a searcher to pay a researcher's fee? 

--- a. Yes, a searcher has the right to make individui~l contracts without rcstric tion. 

I 

I -- b. No, a searcher who pays anyone for search help sllou1J not receive ClJ13 support. 

I , 5. If a searcher and/or researcher is legally challe~~ged (G meets triter i3 es1:;1bl.is1.1cd by 

this vote), sllo~ilct 

I 

CUB extend ma tesi.al support? 

I - a . Yes, CUE should provide n~~iter ia1 support on a case-\>y-casc? Lbasis (by : con11ni.tr~ce) 

- b. CUB sllould limit help to notices in the newsletter. 

c. CUB sllould not extend any kind of help. 

, - 

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>MIL YOUR BALLOT TO CUB'S DOVEli O C 

595 CENTIIAL AVENUE, DOVEli, NEW I-WIPSIIIliE 03820.

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Dear Er iends , 

PRES I DENT ' S COMMENTS 

This combined Holiday issue is coming to you a little late. We wanted to pack it 

full of the kinds of material you like to read, enough to keep you thinking hard and 

growing strong into the New Year. 

Origins' members have asked us to issue an official statement of support for our 

mutual friend, Lucy Pare, as she stands bravely in the midst of the New Jersey Attorney 

General's investigation into the practice of researchers charging fees for search services 

(~ctober'81 ~ommunicator). It's a type of request that may well be echoed by 

others in the future as the inevitable challenge by the opposition becomes amplified. 

I went to CUB'S Board of Directors with Origins' request and the question was 

raised by a few as to whether or not it conflicted with our policy which states that 

search is a member's personal venture, and with our,program which limits search help 

to referrals, our penpal column, and our Reunion Registry. Other Board members felt 

support for legally challenged people fell solidly within our guidelines. Clarification 

of existing policy and programs is resolved, according to our By-laws, by CUB's 

voting membership (birthparents). 

To provide information upon which you can intelligently base your decision, two 

Origins members state their case and some Directors' viewpoints are also included. 

Birthparents, YOU decide: what shall our response be? While Auxiliary Members (nonbirthparents) 

do not technically enjoy voting privj-leges, your opinion does matter and 

we hope you'll express it. 

Changing the subject altogether, may I take this opportunity to remind you once 

more about our Christmas cards. We printed enough of these really, REALLY beautiful 

cards to make 500 packets. Surely you'll want to order some--both to help CUB's work 

(Hallmark doesn't need your financial help the way we do) and to save yourself time 

and trouble selecting something appropriate. 

Turning now to something personal ... October 14 marked a very special anniversary 

for me: it was three years ago that Michael and I said "Hello Again" to each other. 

As a college freshman, he had to write a paper for school about an event he considered 

I I 

a turning point" in his life. Good sport that he is, he consented to allow me to 

print his view of our reunion in the Communicator. After all the talking I've done, 

I'm really proud to give him some space! 

Before you get into this important issue, please accept my warm wishes on behalf 

of all the CUB Staff and CUB Leaders that you and each member of your family enjoy a 

Holiday Season which shines with all the special love, caring and understanding possible. 

You'll be in our hearts. 

With faith in the new year, 

@ 

b 

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ABOUT THE COMMUNICATOR 

Submissions to the newsletter are welcome. Send to Carole Anderson at address on back cover and specify whether full 

name is to be used. Only your first name and state will be listed unless specified otherwise. 

Change of Address - The Communicator is mailed by special bulk rate and will not be forwarded. Be sure to notify hq 

promptly of your change of address. Six weeks notice is required. 

Membership Expiration - Your mailing label on the front page of your Communicator contains the month and year of your 

rnembership expiration. Be sure to renew on time for uninterrupted receipt of your Communicators. 

!:)I981 

* 

by Concerned Unlted Blrthparents, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 

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IN THIS ISSUE,, , 

Right to Searcll Ba.llot. ...................... i Gall ,iansse r: ...................... i5 

ti oresident's Comments...... ..............,.... 2 !'liekey Carty ...................... 15 

:'~rning Point: A Reunion... ..................? Roy Hansse~~. .....................-15 

I'm Angr!r Too....... ......................... 3 C.irol Gustavson ................... 16 

I%'t?'=e hbr Welcome fiere........ ............... 4 .?a@ 3aggett ....................... 1C 

Thanks s Encou=agemen t from Adoptee ~VclenLbers, .4 Carole Anderson ................... 17 

9 I!trlp wanted.. .........................:. .....5 Mary Jo Rillera ...................: 

7 

Rh Disease ................................... 5 Tris-b Patti.. .....................16 

p!~ss.'. li'rite Letters....... .................. 5 Ch'x-leen Justic =..................I8 

Pen Pal Requests ............................. 5 Lee CanlpbelJ ...................... 19 

4 C'krl s t!nzs Hope & Happiness. ..................6 Petty Furfiess Does It k~diX1.. ...............lo 

T!ia~tk.s to Pen Pal Columr~.. ...................6 Solstice Full Moon Poem... .................. 20 

i d Iir~ipfulness.. .........................6 Hope & Ilepginess ............................ 2G 

- 

,A::: to Share.. ..............................,9 Letter L'rom a Minor ddoptee .................. 1 

Aargb! ...................................... 10 Pitfall of Search: The Relationship Between 

Eackg~ound, Board Opinions, Etc. on the 

Searcher & Spouse ...................... 2i 

Right to Search Ballot: Por Michael of Someday ...................... 23 

Mary Anne Cohen........... ........ 11 For Michael ................................. 23 

Marsha Riben,..... ................ 12 The Editor's Corner ......................... 23 

Origins ........................... 13 My ~amily Books. ............................ 24 

Harold Cassidy. ................... 14 CUB'S 18 Services ........................... 25 

15 Danating/Joining ............................ 26 

Sandy Musser........ ............., 

-7. 

3 

TURNING POINT: A REUNION front door for our "special" guests just as I walked 

OVEii THE YEARSJ LEE CAMPBELL HAS SHARED HER into the ra. 

SIDE OF HER REUNION STORY WITH TELEVISION Our eves mt. Our arms extended into a gripping hand- 

AND RADIO AUDIENCES AND IN COUNTLESS NEWS- shake .:cc I saie to k, "Hello... again." 

PAPERS AND MAGAZINE ARTICLES AROUND THE 

COUNTRYl FOR THE FIRST TIME, MICHAEL) NOW For tkez first tiw in my llfe I hew w b I was. My 

1, TELLS WHAT IT WAS LIKE FOR HIM WHEN HE ihC=jr was established and a void was sealed in my 

MET L.EE THREE YEARS AGO, soul. That windy, grey afternoon in W o k ctanged 

my life forever. 

1 was inpatiently waiting in my bedroan, with the 

Wtles blasting in my ears, when my adoptive rother 

Michaei 

yelled outside the door, "They're here!" 

------I---------------------------- 

Unlike mst children, an adoptee never has the op 

po~tunlty to know wb, what, or where he/she care 1 ' M ANGRY TOO 

frm. Like zll adoptees I never met my birthpar- FOLLOWING ARE EXCERPS FROM AN ARTICLE EXPRESe?ts, 

unt~l 

r-ee cmpk11 cam into my l~fe--again. SING ANGER AND FRUSTRATION WITH BIRTHMOTHERS 

he reunion (as far as I was concerned) began in WHO FAIL TO AID OTKER BIRTHMOTHERS 

Februaq, 1978, when I was 15. I received a pbne .... Regarding legislation, it is interesting that ouch 

call frrsn a warryl (whw 'E later discovered was k.?) of the legislation I have been asked to support has no 

t&ix~ a "teenage interest poll." The WCIEUI asked provision for the birthmother beyond leaving a letter 

biv' I stood on the subject of refomtion of adoP- in the file at the agency. Although there are states 

i n . I minted out that I had no idea what in which adult adopters and adoptive parents can get 

"ref~mt;.onM was ta)ungp~ace buttbtimsadop- i.nformation about the birthmather, there is no state 

ted and isterested in learning mre about the new where the birthmother has the same right. The final 

adoption imvmnt . 

insult came just recencl:~ when I was told by a large 

adopt-- gccup that tnev :sncot refer birthmothers tc, 

iefcte ws scl-ed awkward good 1j-p:. , W~~TWI 

CUB r: :nt cow due :c thsc "business in New Jersey 

~ald s k would. give me, at a later date, the in- 

." 

It is .::ost ironic when you consider that CUB provides 

fon~ntion I desired--the nan-e of a search group. 

no search assistaccc et a11 .... 

2v2 phone all and the "mystery m" were soon 

forgetter:. 1'm angry ... because on a one-to-one level, CUB members 

Qtie afternoon several mnths later, as I was working 

do not tend to want to "get involved." They do not 

seem to be interested in establishing the kind of help- 

3s 2 courtesy clerk at a local family-ohn~? grocery 

ing network (For search) that the adoptee groups have. 

stare, a wcnun asked if I would carry two hgs of 

~ ~ to her car. - Not ~ being an l Unus~l rquest In every state there arc legal means for obtaining inon 

a bt swr day, I agreed I hnuld. 

formation of one kind or another. ..to deny that search- 

After I placed the bags in the tnlnk of her car, she 

ing is a part of the motivation of most CUB birthmothers 

is absurd. 

hand& rw a business card with the address of an 

aaol;tee search group. I~WY I asked who sb was, s .... With the exception of a few adoptive parents and a 

slrnply replied, "Oh, you wouldn t kmxJ IW fran a very few adoptees we stand alone. Perhaps we all sufbole 

in the wall." Little did I I \.m5 talu~ fer from the "playing the agency game" syndrome and 

face to face with nry birthther: are still afraid to question anything. I don't know 

a, the first weekend in Cctobr my parents accepted those answers. I do know that we have to stand together 

and "walk like we talk." 

an invitation to ~llcct Lee, her huski~~d, and their 

If anger can become a 

means for breaking out of our Eear then anger is a 

~.,Io sons, scott and lbdd, to "put an end to Lee's 

positive thing. 

search to cwntact m. " After four burs of tsau- 

~et's answer each other's letters, 

~ t i anversation, c 

my parents reversed their in1.- 

make local phone calls and "get involved." Those of US 

tial mtlve and agrd with Lee to present a "soft" 

who hove located have an obligation to help the others. 

a id you know, for instance, that a large city 

introduction of her to 

... has a 

me. 

"birth index" that can be used to find the smended 

~1mt Sunciay night, my pXentS a d I bd a low1 c.m>- rlume? This is not only legal, but a public record. 

tlonally draining conversation and, needless to say, Why don' t we sl~arc that information? Can you imagillc 

1 aqr& to meet Lee, hur ll~sbJld, and W brotkrs the fruotration of a birthmother wllo knows-that exists 

tk- follainc_l saturday, Cctobur 1.4, 1978. 

but can't get a CUB ~ne~iiber from that areil to assist? 

As the Gtnpbcll'S deck Volvo pulled the drive- 1 owe a grcot de~l 

my I felt IW heart racing. My pxents opcnd the 

ro my 

local CUB group CL>r providing

me with a grent deal of help and support. It breaks my 

heart when I hear of one member of our group who has written 

to CUB members inanother state for help and hasn't 

even received so much as s short note in response, She is 

a good CUD member who is always available for others. 

tiaven't we been hurt, exploited and disappointed enough by 

all the others out there? Why do we ignore each other? 

.... I know that: I am not alone in' feeling this way. We 

must meet the needs of members.. ..We must not "sell out" by 

forgetting or by sheer laziness. We are no longer vulnerable 

unwed teens and are now in a position to really do 

something positive in terms of supporting legislation that 

will really be there to support the best interest of birth- 

mothers. We don't have to drag our heels and ride in on 

someone else's bandwagon. We do not have to be in the 

closet. We do not have to be afraid. We may have to be 

angry. 

Marcy, PA 

Kc4 about it, CUB members? Have you reached out to help 

others? Answered pen pal requests, sent responses to 

those who wrote to you? Have you been willing to aid in 

research? What are you doing for other birthmothers? If 

we don't help each other, nobody else will help us either. 

WE'RE NOT WELCOME HERE 

PAM HASEGAAAJ NtJt ALMA COORDINATORJ WROTE TO 

BIRTHMOTHERS OF MINORS RECENTLY, DESPITE THE 

HELP BIRTHMOTHERS HAVE ALWAYS OFFERED) INCLUDING 

A WILLINGNESS TO TESTIFY IN COURT AT ALMA'S RE- 

QUEST) VOLUNTEERING TO ANSWER ALMA'S MAIL, EVEN 

BEING INTERVIEWED BY MEDIA, ALMA HAS RFJECTED 

US, AS THE FOLLOWING EXCERPTS FROM PAM S LETTER 

SHOW: 

As you know, there has always been a strong ALMA policy 

against natural parents searching for their minor children. 

A M has not offered search help to those natural 

parents but has fostered dialog on issues of adoption and 

open records where we share concerns. The support of many 

natural mothers in the struggle toward open records for 

adult adoptees has been significant, and we are grateful 

for that. 

Because some natural mothers (who may belong to support 

groups whose policies vary from ~lma's) have found and 

made contact with their minor children and/or their adoptive 

families, and because this policy is not in agreement: 

with ALMA policy, it is necessary to ask every natural 

mother of an underage child to refrain from attendance at 

local ALMA meetings .... , 

A BIRTHMOTHER ACTIVE IN CUB, ORIGINS) AND ALMA 

SENT THE FOLLOWING RESPONSE TO PAM'S LETTER: 

Had I known 6 years ago when I first joined ALMA that it 

would all end with the letter I received today, I could 

have saved myself a lot of time, money, and emotional anguish 

by never joining. 

It seems that you have made a choice, that an abstract policy 

is more important than personal friendship. 

You need no longer be troubled by any of us mothers, who 

wouldn't wait 18 years possibly to find our children in 

foster homes, mental institutions, or dead by that time. 

Wany of you have expressed to me the feeling that you wish 

or hope your birthmother is like me. However, from your 

actions and comments I think that a mother like me, 

strong willed, vocal, and passionate, would not be to your 

liking, as I would intrude and not be content just to play 

whatever role you assigned to me. 

I 

w i l l continue to support open records. 

1 will be there as witness to my own son, Michael, that I 

am willing to publicly acknowledge him, that I am not 

ashamed of him, and that he should never be ashamed of 

himself or where he came from. 

Ptary Anne Cohen, NJ 

THANKS AND ENCOURAGEMENT FROM ADOPTEE MEMBERS 

Thanks to the Phil Donahue show I found CUB and a search 

group. special thanks go to Susan, Maureen, Linda, and 

Prisilla, who helped me with the hard times and gave me , 

hope. My searcl~ was only a few months of working days 

and nights sometimes. On 7/2/81 I found out both of my 

birthparents had died, and on the same day I found my 

aunt, now 73 years old. She told me that I had two 

brothers. Raised as nn only child, I always wanted a 

brother and now I have two. The search even went faster 

and on .7/24/81 I found my brother Dennis and his super 

wife and three children in Malden, MA, and on the very 8 

next day I met them all and found out my other brother 

is out of the state in the Service. My adoptive mother 

whom I will always love thinks it is great that I have 

found my brothers and family. Thanks also for the pen 

pal letters that were sent to me that kept me going. 

Remember, you never know what is at the end of the search 

until you really try and don't give up. 

I have been a member of CUB for a year now and I always 

look forward to every issue of the newsletter. I read 

every word as soon as I get it. I keep all my newsletters 

and my mother and mothe'r-in-law have read some. 

I am a 24 year old adoptee. I have known my birthmother 

for four years now. I was born in Germany in 1957 and 

adopted by an American military family right away. My 

birthmother surrendered three children. My brother and 

I were adopted by the same family and raised together, but 

our older' sister was adopted by' dthers. I am the youngest 

at 24, my brother is 27 and my sister is 28. 

When I was a child growing up I knew I had a sister and 

wished we could be together, My brother and I had a hard 

and unusual childhood. Our sister, though, never went 

without and always got what she wanted in her home. In 

much of my childhood my adoptive mother was not around so 

in a way I was still looking for a mother at the age of 

20 when I found my birthmother. 

I started in January of 1977 after I read the story of 

Florence Fisher. I had no trouble in getting the information, 

as the burgemiester sent me all he knew about my 

birthmother. She lives in Pennsylvania now but was visiting 

in Germany when I started writing letters. I will 

always realize and never forget that she could have turned 

her back on.me and never wanted to see me but she didn't. 

She wrote me my first letter while she was in Germany. 

I got it in May of 1966 and we met at the Phoenix, Arizona 

airport in August of 1977. My husband's parents were with 

me and they took movie film of our meeting. My brother 

was there also, 

I know. my birthmother and I have feelings for each other. 

We are both very emotional and cry about everything. Because 

she has n German background a lot of people don't 

understand her but as time goes on it is easier for me to 

understand her. She has been in this country since 1962 

and does not understand a lot of things. She tried to 

find us'kids years ago but did not know how to go about 

it or what to do, so she could not find us. I feel that 

if she had found us she could have gotten us back since 

we were being abused and mistreated by our adoptive mother. 

I feel I am not here to decide whether she has "paid her 

dues" or not. All I can do is try to understand what happened 

and know the truth, Because I am a woman too it is 

easier to feel and understand about her. I guess I am trying 

to say that it could have happened to uo also and it 

does happen to many of us who thought it wouldn't. I love 

her very much and will never regret finding her. I know 

my birthmother has suffered greatly and she loves us kids 

very much, She knows what she missed with us growing up 

all those years and not being together. She realizes a 

lot of things. She knowo who raised us, and who went 

through the good times and the bad. She does not want 

to move in and take over, but she does want to be a 

friend to us and try to make up for the lost years. I 

am able to talk to my adoptive father about it and he

knows I love him very much and this has in no way harmed 

our relationship. In fact I feel it has made it better. 

I have two daughters of my own and I would die if I 

never saw them again. My adoptive mother died when I 

was 17 but I hadn't seen her since I was in 15, in court. 

Last Nay I found my sister. She is the only child in her 

adoptive family and has been raised very differently than 

our brother and I. We went through a lot of things as 

children growing up that have affected the rest of our 

lives. Hy sister had also been looking for our birthmather 

when I found her. We have not met yet but we call 

and write each other. I am very excited about meeting 

her. My sister feels different about this than I do. 

She was judgmental of our birthmother before she even met 

her. I truly hope that our difference in upbringing does 

not put n block between us. After all, we are sisters. 

I feel that one day my sister will change her feelings 

about this. 

I found my birthmother on my own and joined CUB just in 

the iast year, and have been able to understand a lot 

more people through it. Keep up the good work, CUB, and 

I hope you get bigger as time goes on. I'd like to hear 

from others. 

Schurkamp, P.O. Box 1452, Cottonwood, Arizona 86326. 

HELP WANTED 

Often we receive letters and phone calls from 

people who really want to help move our work 

ahead, and are eager to discover ways to do this. 

From time to time, We'll print a column of "help 

wanteds" and if something appears that interests 

you, please get in touch with Lee Campbell at 

CUB'S Dover Office, 595 Central Avenue, Dover, NH 

03820. 

Needed: Person who understands the world of automation 

and computerization to head a new committee to 

expiore methods best suited to CUB'S needs. Send 

ietter of introduction to CUB'S Dover Office, or 

phone (603) 749-3744 for more information. 

Needed: Persons to sit on a committee to explore the world 

of automation and computerization and help the 

committee head. Good learning experience. Send 

letter of introduction to CUB's Dover Office, or 

phone (603) 749-3744 for more information. 

Needed: Person to coordinate penpal and personal services 

for birthmothers whose parental rights were involuntarily 

terminated. Person whose rights were 

court terminated is preferred. Send letter of 

introduction to CUB's Dover Office, or phone (603) 

749-3744 for more information. 

Needed: Persons to work with Lee in identifying corporations 

and foundations who might be interested in 

funding CUB's work and in exploring other ways to 

raise money. Involves time at the library and/or 

behind a typewriter. Send letter oE introduction 

to CUB'S Dover Office, or phone (603) 749-3744 

for more information. 

RH DISEASE 

Recently I discussed with Charleen ~ustice (CUB Sister 

Coordinator) a problem we share: our blood has the Rh negative 

factor and the children we lost to adoption are Rh positive. 

At the time our children were born in the middle 

19601s, the Rh vaccine (RhoGAM) was not yet developed. We 

were not protected from developing an immunity to the Rh 

factor that could cause sickness or death in the next Rh 

positive babies we conceive. Charleen has had severe problems 

because of her Rh factor, but luckily was able to deliver 

a son prematurely six months ago. Unlike Charleen, 

who now has a son, I have no other children but the daughter 

I surrendered. I want another child more than anything. 

Unless I meet and develop a "meaningful rela tionship'' 

with an RJI-tsegative man who will go along wich my motherhood 

plans--instead of conceiving a child with the Rh-positive 

man I love--I risk becoming sensitized and killing or severely 

damaging niy next child. For 15 years, since my 

daughter was born, I have practiced birth control and assumed 

that when the right person and the right moment came 

along 1 would !lave little or no trouble conceiving and bearing 

a healthy child. I never even considered my Rh factor 

as a potential problem. I am unstlre how I would hold up if 

I lost one or more children through miscarriage or being 

stillborn because of the Rh factor, after losing my first 

child to adoption. 

I know there must be many other birthmothers who share 

in this Rh problem. Please contact me if you are Rh negative 

and surrendered your firstborn who is Rh-positive so 

we can pool our experiences and hopefully help others in 

this same situation. 

Alison Ward, 58 West Franklin Street, Bound Brook, NJ 08805 

....................................... 

PLEASE WRITE LETTERS 

The October, 1981 issue of Ms. magazine contained 

four letters from birthmothers in its 

letters to the editor column. One of those 

lezters contained the addresses of CUB and 

ORIGINS. CUB needs support from other women 

(and men) besides each other, so seeing our 

name and our cause in print in such an influential 

publication is gratifying. This is 

an opportunity for us to express our thanks 

to MS. for airing, however briefly, our plight 

in their pages. Just as important, it is our 

chance to ask for more space about birthmothers. 

Please write, both to thank them for 

printing those letters and to ask that they 

print articles about us. The address is: 

Ms. Foundation for Education and Communication, 

Inc., 119 West 40th Street, New York, 

NY 10018. 

PEN PAL REQUESTS 

Barbara Ann Lewis (~erbin), Rt. 2, Box 13 8-24, Immokalee, 

Florida 33934. (813) 657-6526. Hy daughter 

Brenda Ann Herbin was born in Children's Hospital in 

BuLf~lo, hY, 3/14/55 and was surrendered to the Childrm's 

Aid Society in Buffalo, NY. Needless to say, I 

wasr.'t in my right mind. I know this was not handled 

properly as I should have been given some type of 

counseling, but I didn't. I have been trying to locate 

Brenda (nickname ~uttons) for the past several 

years but to no avail. I have many pictures of when 

she was a baby. My mother also has been trying to find 

Brenda all these years. I would appreciate any help in 

finding her. 

Thelma Dix, P. 0. Box 253, Silver City, NM 88051. Preferably 

an older birthparent, maybe like me with no 

other children, or possibly even with children. 

Rita Foster, 30 Center Street, No. Walpole, NH 03609. 

Anyone living in or around the Springfield, OR area 

who may be able to help me locate the high school my 

daughter attends. 

Ruth Crisman, P.O. Box 450251, Atlanta, GA 30345. 1 

was born 3/29/56 and adopted through the Child Service 

and Family Counseling Center in Atlanta. My birthmother 

was approximately 25 years at my birth and came 

from a musically inclined ~ami.1~. She was separated 

at the time and had other children. My birthfather 

w3s an army man, possibly stationed at Ft. McPhearson 

iq Atlanta, and explained to have been quite attractive. 

Anyone who would help me in my search, I will be sincerely 

grateful.

. 

Norma F. Samsel, Rt. 11, Box 9O,.Holston Drive, Morristown. 

TN 37814. I need help in locating my son, born 

3/16/62 at the Willows in ~gnsas City, MO. After two 

years of searching I feel like I've reached a "dead 

end." Would like to hear from someone who surrender-gd 

a child through the Willows, and has had some measure of 

success in searching. Note: I was encouraged by the 

Willows to use an alias and went by the name "Sally Foster" 

during my stay there; however, all legal documents 

were in my maiden name, Norma F. Kiser. 

Mary E. Young, 12048 Lower Valley Pike, Medway, OH 

45341. Someone near my age and interested in crafts of 

all kinds. 

Joyce A; Williams, Freiestr. 44, Zurich 8032, Schweiz. 

Another who is or has become a musician or opera singer. 

Also happy for a pen pal of general interests and education. 

Need to hear from birthmothers. 

Jane Sullivan, 17 Foran Rd., Apt. 11, Milford, CT 06460. 

I would like to hear from anyone who was in the Catholic 

Charities home "Marilac Manor" in Worcester, MA between 

11/15/61 and 2/14/62. 

Mary Tryba, Rt. #3,. Box 313, Mauston, WI 53948. Wish to 

correspond with birthmothers who gave birth and surrendered 

in Wisconsin. I am a birthmother who has found 

and met. Willing to help others. 

Judy Key-Dominquez, 16 Ryan Avenue, Mill Valley, CA 

94941. I am requesting a search buddy in the Melrose 

Park, Illinois area. My daughter was born at Gottlieb 

Memorial Hospital on 5/5/68. 

Elaine Wasserman, 6020 N. Hubert Avenue, Tampa, FL 33614. 

I would like to write to a birthmother who found her 

child, corresponded, but never had a reunion. My daughter 

has dropped me after writing a year and a half. I also 

have information on her adopted brother, who was born in 

Philadelphia, PA, 12/7/57 and placed by the Children's 

Aid Society. 

Juanita K, Currie, 1645 5th PI. NW, Birmingham, AL 35215. 

I'd like to hear from other birthmothers. I only know one 

and she can't get involved for fear of someone finding out 

she's a birthmother. 

Gloria Veillon, P.O. Box 3932, Lafayette, LA 70502. I 

would like contact from any birthmothers who were "guests" 

(inmates) at St. ~nn's Home for Unwed Mothe1.i in Shreveport, 

LA, at any time. I have had contact from several 

searching adoptees whose mothers were at St. Ann's. 

Terry Weinberg, 6507 Marson ji747, Mayfield Hts., OH 44124. 

27 year old adoptee who has been searching for 6 frustrating 

years. I was born 4/7/54 at St. Mary's Hospital, 

Anderson, SC. Anyone having any information on a woman 

surrendering a baby girl between April and May, 1954 in 

Anderson, please contact me. 

Geraldine M. Peacl~, 266 Brookwood Dr., Victor, NY 14564. 

Would appreciate help in searching for my daughter, born 

3/6/62. Also would like to hear from anyone who surrendered 

a child through Monroe County Social Services, 

Rochester, NY at about that time. 

Kathryn Phillips, 153 Susan Drive, Lansing, HI 48906. 

Someone living in California, who is a birthparent in an 

active search for her child. 

Shirley Lewis Irvine, 9005 Strong Drive, Huntsville, AL 

35802. Birthmother who is close to my age, who is 

searching or has found a son. It seems to me that more 

' female adoptees search than males--1 feel searching for 

a son is somehow harder. 

Clare C. Anderson, 3105 ~odie St., Metairie, LA 70002. 

Prefer mature person, but as long as pal is adult age 

that would be fine. 

~\lic~ Lynch, c/o p.0. Box 16035, Ashcville, NC 28806. L 

need to hear from J. Schmidt, LL; Jan, EL, and anyone 

who has used a detective in her search. Would you recommend 

it7 I would appreciate your advice. 

Rosalie Woods, Rt, 1, Box 327-B, Sparta, MO 65753. 

Paula Slavins, 1111 E. 39th Street, #206, Davenport, 

IA 52807. Would like to correspond with another adoptee 

searching, possibly in the Chicago area where I 

was born 11/28/35. I am deaf and would appreciate any 

help. 

Alice Keefer Andries, Rt. 2, Box 70 Sunnyvale, TX 75182. 

Adoptees who were placed for adoption by a doctor like 

Dr. Wilbur Bourland, an O.B. doctor who placed by child. 

Kaye (Wolfe) Clippinger, 2894 Crottlestown Rd., Chambersburg, 

PA 17201. Interested in hearing from J. Schmidt, 

IL, about a detective who might help me find my two 

daughters. Also she may call me collect at (717) 263- 

9280. 

CHR.ISTMAS HOPE 8 HAPPINESS 

"All my love to my firstborn, my birthdaughter, my only 

daughter, born 12/23/70 in Jacksonville, FL. There has 

never been a day I haven't thought about and prayed for 

you, wondered how and where you are. I shall always 

love you, and will never stop.trying to find you. Praying 

you're trying to find me, 

Linda, IA" 

THANKS TO PEN PAL COLUMN 

I happily report that I am much closer to the 

end of my search for my son now because of a 

pen pal request published in your newsletter. 

I now have a search buddy in the right area. 

She is an adoptee born in the same hospital as 

my surrendered son, but ten years earlier. 

She,grew up in the same neighborhood in which 

I live and we know a11 the same people, though 

we now live many miles apart. I was able to 

help her find her birthmother and now she is 

helping me to find my son. 

How can I thank you for bringing the two of us 

together? God bless you, CUB. 

MUTUAL HELPFULNESS 

6 

Kathy Meyers 

HAVE A PROBLEM FOR WHICH YOU'D LIKE INPUT AND 

ADVICE FROM OTHERS? OR, DO YOU HAVE HELPFUL 

INSIGHTS OR DEAS FOR SOMEONE ELSE WHOSE LETTER 

APPEARS HERE+ WRITE To CAROLE AT THE ADDRESS 

ON BACK COVER, ANSWERS MAY BE PRINTED HERE OR 

FORWARDED TO THE PERSON WHO WROTE (INCLUDE A 

STAMPED ENVELOPE IF YOU WANT YOUR LETTER FOR- 

WARDED 1 

To the woman who reported still being attracted to her 

child's birthfather (~eptember 1981 ~ommunicator ) : 

Don't feel dumb! If you're a long time Communicator 

reader, refer to my letter in the 9/80 issue on the same , 

submect, or send for a back issue. I know your feelings 

because they were mine. I've one theory about this I'll 

share: I call it "virgin guilt. " I think that as a 

carefully raised, strict Congregationalist, former Rain- . 

bow girl (I was Fidelity, to those who were in Rainbow), 

I had a very deep feeling about virginity. I thought it 

was for my husband--read that as the man I love more 

than anyone else in the world, forever, till death us do 

part, the love to end all loves, the one true'romance of 

the century. I did not think'this consciously, - but I 

- 

believe it was there, down in the mists of my mind. So 

when losirlg my virginity re~ulted in pregnancy, I ration-

alized, subconsciously I'm sure, that i't was this 

man (rotten soul he turned out to be) that I loved 

more than anyone, etc. etc. etc. And I never entirely 

lost that feeling. Today, I see him as just 

a man, weak as any human, not a devil and not my 

''god. " 

It was awful seeing him again and feeling that old 

rush of all-constiming passion, but give it time. 

You don't have to ''turn off" your feelings; just 

recognize them for what they most likely are: 

flashback and virgin guilt. Hang in there! 

Another response to the same birthmother: 

Sue Daggett, NH 

Unlike the person who wrote, I don't feel dumb; I 

feel confused by my feelings for my son's birthfather 

. 

He didn't desert me, parents stepped in and you 

all know what happens then. No one asked us what 

we wanted, which was to get married as we loved 

each other. We had been sweethearts since our early 

teens. 

I can honestly say that although I am happily married 

and have a husband I love very much, I never 

quit loving my son's birthfather. 

We did not speak to or see each other for 14 years 

after the birth of our son. When we finally did, 

it seemed as if no time had passed at all, the' 

years just melted away. Yes, we are still very 

much attracted to each other, in fact it has taken 

a great deal of restraint not to have an affair. 

The reason all this is so confusing is because he 

loves his wife, I love my husband, and we love 

each other too. 

I also want to say I don't know how I would have 

made it without his encouragement and support in 

our search for our son. 

I keep hoping these are just "left-over" feelings 

from an unresolved relationship. At the present 

1 am trying to put some distance on it, as at all 

costs I don't want anything to jeopardize my marriage. 

I am, however, plagued by my thoughts and 

dreams of him. How could I possibly love him when 

I love my husband? I don't know, but I do. 

Has anyone, or does anyone, have these type of 

feelings for the birthfather? If so, how did they 

resolve it? What happened? 

Anonymous by request 

And yet another reply to the same mother: 

I am so glad you wrote, as I thought I was the only 

one struggling with feelings like that in spite of 

a happy marriage. I talked with another CUB mother 

who said she felt the same way, in fact she even 

had an affair with her child's birthfather, but 

now that she has been reunited with her daughter 

she doesn't have passionate feelings for the 

birthfather anymore. Maybe what we are really 

looking for is a way of being connected with our 

children. When we can't be, we look to their fathers 

instead as a way of feeling we are back in time 

to before we lost our children. I'm hoping that 

when my child and I are reunited those feelings 

will go away. For now, though, it's a lonely feeling 

and a guilty one. At least it's a relief to 

know others are in the same boat, arid it's not' just 

me. 

Linda, MA 

To the birthmother who received no support from her 

husband (September 1981 Communicator): 

My husband offered me no support whatsoever, only a 

cold shoulder and bitterness. I desperately needed 

my "best friend.'' What happened to the kind, understanding, 

compassionate man I had married? The more 

involved in CUB I became, and the closer I came in 

my search, the worse he got, the crueler the comments, 

anything to stop my search. He refused to 

read any literature which might help him understand. 

It goes without saying this put a terrible 

strain on our marriage. 

He couldn't understand why I couldn't just use a 

little "mind control," to forget, to "put it behind 

me." He claimed I had no right to search for my 

s ,n, and most of all what would people say if they 

'I 

=:new? " 

In desperation and pain, I turned elsewhere for 

support. Everyone in CUB that I talked to offered 

love, understanding, and support. I also turned 

to my son's birthfather, whose comforting words and 

support I'will always be grateful for. 

Apparently, from talking with other birthmothers, 

this is very common. I fail to understand why it 

should be such a threat to them. How in the world 

could our. love for our children threaten our love 

for our husbands? Why can't they understand how 

much courage it is taking for us to come out? We 

are still so vulnerable to the hurt and pain from 

others, why can't they find it in their hearts to 

help us just a little? Would they love us more if 

we could forget their children?--no! 

This was such a crisis in my life and he simply 

wz--nlt there. For some strange reason, which I do 

n: understand either, after I made contact, he did 

a: about face. Whatever his fears were, apparently 

they didn't materialize. I hope my happiness at 

finding my son changed his mind. I don't know. 

Today, 13 months later, we can talk about my son. 

Although he is still a little uneasy, gone is the 

bitterness. I finally have back the man I married. 

So, no it is not easy. You have to be prepared for 

negative reactions from family and friends and husbands. 

In my case, most have eventually come 

around. 

Husbands, if you are reading this: your wife is 

vulnerable at this point in her life. Don't drive 

a wedge in your marriage by forcing her to seek 

support from others, It can only bring you closer 

if you face this together. Try to understand, she 

can't stop once she's started, this is probably the 

second most difficult period of her life, the first 

being the loss of her child. In God's name, if you 

love her, help her. 

Sharon Clark, Odessa, TX 

The following letter raises several issues. Do you

I 

I 

I 

have any insights to offer? 

I am a recent member of CUB and have been reading 

the monthly newsletter from cover to cover. I 

have been hiding in the closet for nearly 25 years. 

My family could not accept me and her birth, and 

continually told me throughout my pregnancy that 

my child would have a better life with a mother 

and father to love her. I'm sure the "stigma" was 

very much a part of my family's attitude and feelings. 

Until I joined CUB I had never thought I could ever 

search for my daughter with any success, but after 

receiving my first issue I made an appointment with 

the agency that I had dealt with. 

, My husband and I took a couple of days off and went 

there at my appointed time. Meanwhile, the social 

worker had visited the adoptive parents (even though 

my daughter is 25) and learned much about my child. 

They said they had talked openly about her adoption 

and wanted two months to decide how and when to talk 

I with her as she was now living out of state and was 

I to be married shortly. 

I 

The soclal worker was very understanding and kind, 

and corresponded throughout these next two long 

months of my waiting, and since then too. 

Two months later the adoptive parents did contact 

the agency to say my daughter had been told of my 

inquiry but had told them "she did not need any further 

information at this time" but to tell me "not 

to feel remorse over having given her up for adoption" 

as "she is very close to her adoptive parents 

and their extended families. I t 

My social worker writes for me to be "patient" and 

that time is an important factor, each case being 

unique in itself, and that she does not feel that 

the door is "completely closed nor the chapter concluded." 

She said one recent child and parent reunion 

in which she was involved took two years from 

first contact. 

Perhaps I'm an overly anxious birthmother and must 

learn to put the time factor in perspective, but I 

would like feedback from other CUB mothers as to 

what they would feel I should do now. I'm waiting 

and praying she will want to meet me and talk with 

me someday after the initial shock wears off, and 

being close to her adoptive parents that she will 

need time, as she may feel by meeting with me it 

would hurt them. 1'm only guessing. 

I would like to know how some birthparents find out 

the names of the adoptive parents and their child. 

I have yet to tell my other two children about my 

daughter and know I must do this. I still arn finding 

it incredibly difficult to talk about this part 

of my life except to my husband. I hope belonging 

to CUB and learning of other concerns that folks 

like me have gone through, I'll be able to talk 

more openly with my close friends and pastor. 

The work you are doing certainly is "important 

stuff. I I 

Phyllis, NH 

her situation: 

I am a 35 year old adoptee with two children of my 

own. I was born 5/29/46 in Washington, D.C. I have 

been registered with ALMA for five years, and at one 

time belonged to Adoptees in Search and to Yesterday's 

Children. Today I am joining CUB, and would 

like to share some of my thoughts in a letter, with 

the hope that someone in your group might want to 

comment . 

One of the hardest things for me about pursuing the 

Search is a disturbing, persistent feeling that 

surely, with the passage of 35 years, my birthmother 

never thinks about me any more. Oh, I can imagine 

that from.time to time in her life occasions have 

arisen to provoke recollections, such as when doctors 

have needed information on past pregnancies, or 

upon overhearing conversations about unwed motherhood 

in other people's families, or perhaps even on 

the date'of my birthday each year. But not much 

more often than that. 

Exen though this grim fantasy tends to be repudiated 

by the existence of a group like CUB, still I 

find myself thinking: "Okay, I can understand a 

younger mother's anguish about the child she relinquished 

recently, wondering about the welfare of a 

vulnerable baby or young child. But my own mother 

must be past 50, she knows I am an edult, and after 

so many years, why would it necessarily affect her? 

After all, the urgency of most of life's crises-- 

lost loves, deaths in the family, etc.--tend to fade 

with time. 

. 

Every once in awhile, though, I'll read about a re-- 

union between an adoptee my age and a birthmother, 

and 1'11 feel some hope. But this last thought 

keeps running through my mind: with all the media 

publicity in the past few years about adoptees ' 

searching (tv, radio, newspapers, magazines), and 

now the coverage of birthparentst concerns as well, 

it scarcely seems possible.. that the subject can have 

escaped the attention of any but the illiterate. 

since I prefer' to imagine that my mother is intelligent 

and aware, then my assumption is that she has 

indeed heard about organizations such as ALMA but 

has chosen not to contact them. Therefore, my theory 

continues, she has chosen not to find out whether 

her child is one of the searchers, which in turn 

indicates that she does not wish for contact herself. 

I am describing my reasoning melodramatically and 

oversimplifying, but the point is this: it is very 

difficult for me to understand why my mother has 

not attempted to contact me if it is true that a 

birthmother never forgets. I am filled with arnbivalence, 

in fact, about whether I should even continue 

to search. More than anything in the world I 

would Like to find her, to know who I am and who I , 

came from, but perhaps this would be intrusive to 

some birthmothers. 

1 would be most grateful for a response from someone 

in your group who might shed some light on the 

birthmother's point of view. 

Laura F1, DE 

An adoptee writes to ask us for our perspective on Sweet is a grief well ended. --Aeschylus

JOY TO SHARE 

SINCE. I 'VE CORRESPONDED WITH JOAN AND SHE' s 

HELPED ME OUT, I AM ESPECIALLY HAPPY TO SHARE 

HER NEWS WITH ALL OF YOU, 

Each time I read in the Communicator of a reunion between 

a birthmother .and her child, I have tears of joy 

and envy in my eyes for that mom and all the happiness 

she must experience. Well, now I know exactly how all 

all those other women felt because I have recently 

found my daughter and I'd like to shout it from the 

rooftops or send birth announcements or SOMETHING! 

When my daughter, Lisa was born I had already made my 

II decision" to place her for adoption. Actually my 

parents had made the decision for me, and I wasn't 

emotionally strong enough at the time to stand up to 

them. I treasured the five days we had together in 

the hospital because I knew I might very well never 

see her again and it broke my heart to think about it. 

I was more or less in a state of limbo regarding my 

birthparenthood until Lisa was about ten or eleven 

years old, at which time I found myself coming face to 

face with all those feelings, all the raw pain and'resentment 

that I thought I'd buried deep inside. Even 

the fact that I was now married (to someone other than 

the birthfather) and had had three more children.could 

not take away the ache I felt at the loss of my firstborn. 

As well as being a birthmother, I am also an'adoptee, 

and in November of 1974, at the age of 28, I undertook 

and completed a successful search for my own birthmother. 

1 had wanted to find her for years but, 'not 

knowing how to go about searching, I ran into a brick 

wall any time I made an effort,. In May of that year I 

joined an adoptee group that gave me the incentive and 

support and search techniques that I needed and within 

48 hours of learning my original name, my birthmother 

and I were on the phone together, crying and talking 

all st the same time. Findingher was the turning 

point in my ambivalence toward my status as a birthparent. 

I saw firsthand her pain at not knowing how 

or even if I had survived, and I saw how much it meant 

to her to be found, and the great peace of mind that 

it brought. She told me how she agonized at the decision 

to place me for adoption (she, also, had been 

forced by her parents into something she did not want 

to do) and how painful my birthday and Christmas always 

were for her. She hoped that the placement worked 

well but the pain of loss never left her. Talking with 

her made me realize how very close to the surface my 

own feelings had really been--they weren't buried, just 

waiting to be awakened. 

1 had more or less made an agreement with myself that I 

wouldn't contact my agency until Lisa was 18 because I 

didn't want to cause any possible problems within her 

adoptive family, but things don't always work out the 

way we plan. On the morning of Lisa's 15th birthday I 

't1appened to watch the Phil Donahue Show and that program 

featured Lee (our beloved President) and a reunion 

bctween a mother and daughter who had been separated 

.Lor 24 years. Well, let me tell you, watching that 

reunion really brought everything to the surface; all 

the unshed tears, all the rage because I had let my 

parents railroad me into something so life-shattering, 

a11 the frustration of knowing my child might be lost 

co me forever, It all came out, not just that day but 

for weeks afterward. So I sat down one evening and 

wrote a letter to my agency asking for an update on 

Lisa and her adoptive family, stressing that I had no 

wish to cause any trouble but that I needed this information 

for my own peace of mind and well-being. I directed 

my letter to the head of the Ad~ptionlMaternit~ 

Department because I knew the woman personally. Lisa 

and I were both adopted through the same agency, and 

when I was 12 or so, my adoptive parents took me to 

see this very special social worker for counseling 

because I was having a few teenage problems that they 

didn't know how to deal with. She replied to my 

query with a very honest and forthright letter giving 

me mucy more than the update I had requested, but 

what she told me was the catalist that set the wheels 

in motion for Lisa's and my impending reunion. Instead 

of the usual non-identifying information she 

gave a fairly detailed history of Lisa (now named 

Cindy) and her adoption-related problems, which included 

running away starting at age 10, psychiatric 

hospitalization and counseling at age 12, total family 

disruption and more running away--all related to her 

need to know, which no one would deal with honestly 

because of her age. My social worker saw and recognized 

Cindy's aching, burning need to know her origins 

and stepped in to try and help before the problems 

went too far and perhaps irreversible harm had been 

done. She assigned one of her caseworkers 'to Cindy's 

adoptive family, and that great lady spent many hours 

on the phone with the adoptive parents trying to gently 

persuade them to tell Cindy that her birthmother 

had been in touch and wanted to help. 

In August of this year they finally decided that the 

only way for Cindy to resolve her identity crises and 

all the problems they spawned was to meet and talk 

with me, so they told her that the agency had their 

permission to give her all the information she wanted 

including my name and address. 

I received a beautifully loving letter from Cindy on 

September 26th and we are working on finalizing our 

plans to meet in Chicago. She lives in Arkansas and 

I live in Wisconsin, but Chicago is home to both of 

us and that's where our reunion will be. I hope she 

doesn't mind if I cry all over her when I first see 

her because I'm sure I will, but in her letter she 

sounded like she'll probably do the same thing--what 

pair we're going to be! 

I never could have gotten to this point if it hadn't 

been for you, CUB, and all the support I received from 

your Communicators. Just knowing that others were 

feeling the same way I was gave me a lot of comfort, 

and reading about all those great reunions gave me the 

push I needed to strike out in search of my daughter 

and bring her back into my arms once again. Best of 

all, though, is the feeling of peace I now have that 

comes with knowing my demons have been driven our forever. 

I am extremely proud to be a CUB Representative 

and I hope to get some meetings going in my area very 

soon. Thank you all for just being there. I had to 

write and share my happiness with you and will send in 

another letter after my 16 year old Cindy and I have 

had our long-awaited reunion. 

Joan Arnette, WI 

The heavier cross; the heartier prayer. 

The bruised herbs most fragrant are. 

If wind and sky were always fair 

The sailor would not watch the star. 

And David's Psalm had ne'er been sung 

If grief his heart had never wrung. 

a

I 

I 

I 

A A R G H 

children were all sold to foreign couples for 

adoption, at costs of from $10,000 to $15,000 

LIKE LUCY 

t 

N THE PEANUTS CARTOON, WE ARE per child. 

SOMETIMES OFTEN) CONFRONTED WITH THINGS 

THAT MAKE US FEEL LIKE SCREAMING' HERE Typically, there are no plans to try to return 

ARE TWO 

any of the children to their families. 

An August, 1981 news clip from the New York 

- 

Times revealed that a multimillion dollar adoption 

ring had been uncovered in Bogota, Colombia. 

A Bogota lawyer was jailed on charges of smuggling 

abroad approximately 500 to 600 babies and 

young children from Colombia and perhaps 100 in 

Peru and an additional hundred in Ecuador. 

In addition to the lawyer, the illegal adoption 

network was reputed to have included three juvenile 

court judges, six notaries, officials of the 

government's family welfare agency, several secretaries 

and housewives, a Colombian consul in 

Spain, and the nurses from two maternity clinics. 

The chief person so far arrensted in the Ecuador 

cases is the president of the national children's 

court. 

The adoption ring came to light through the efforts 

of a farmer whose two children were kidnapped 

by Roberto Vasquex Morales, the ~ogota 

lawyer who has since been arrested. He lured 

the children into his car with the aid of caramels, 

then dressed them in new clothes and drove 

them off to Bogota, leaving their discarded 

clothing - by - the side of the road. A relative of 

the children's father managed to locate them in 

one of the five hostels the lawyer maintained to 

keep children and pregnant women. Vasquex then 

returned the two children and paid the relative 

$600 not to talk about the kidnapping. The 

children's father, however, cooperated with authorities 

in investigating. 

In addition to kidnapping children, another method 

Mr. Vasquez used to obtain babies for ~doption 

was through the maternity clinic nurses. The 

nurses told mothers that their children had been 

born dead and then passed the infants along to 

the lawyer. In other families, he offered to 

buy children from their impoverished parents. 

One of the women who is expected to testify in 

the case is a 19 year old woman who went to the 

Colombian Family Welfare Institute for help with 

her unwed pregnancy. An agency person sent her 

to Mr. Vasquez. When the woman decided she 

wanted to keep her baby, one of Mr. Vasquez's 

aides took her son by force and she has not seen 

him since. 

Included in the 10,000 pages of evidence in the 

case is the information that Mr. Vasquez has 

made $7 million since resigning his post at the 

Government family welfare agency four years ago 

to set up his adoption business. The babies and 

............................................ 

*dr-k** 

Family Weekly, a popular Sunday supplement, carried 

a story about Arty Elgart. Arty is a 38 

year old auto supply dealer who, with his wife, 

wanted to adopt a child. Eventually they succeeded 

in obtaining a baby through a Texas maternity 

home (later discovering that his wife 

was pregnant at the time). Arty, though, has 

made a cause out of trying to help other couples 

who want to adopt. He formed an organization 

called the Golden Cradle, and has arranged 50 

adoptions. "I'm just a professional human being. 

I care," says Arty. Arty accepts no fees 

from the couples he gives babies to, asking 

only that they give him an 8 x 10 photo of "each 

family he helps create." He finds housing for 

pregnant "girls" with people who are on his waiting 

list for babies, though that "girl's" baby 

will be placed with another couple on the list 

so that mothers won't know who has their children. 

When the mother delivers her child, Arty 

calls the lucky couple who will be allowed to 

raise .the baby saying, "Hi, this is the stork. 

I have a present for you. 'I 

Arty wants to raise $60,000 for a combined home 

for unwed mothers and adoption center. In the 

article, Arty was quoted as saying that his 

list of would-be adopters is closed, but he urged 

any pregnant "girl" to call him collect at (215) 

289-BABY. 

The title of the article was He's Adopted a Cause 

and a smiling Arty is pictured before a background 

of those 8 x 10's he asked for. 

Anybody want to take a guess at the kind of pressure 

put on those mothers, with months of living 

with people who are waiting to get someone's 

baby? 

The address of Family Weekly is 641 Lexington 

Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10022. 

Remember, Christmas will soon be here. If you would like to order CUB literature, 

gift subscriptions (especially to your agency), or other CUB items as gifts, you 

need to act soon. In addition to the items included on our Donating/Joining page, 

we now have the classic book, The Adoption Trianqle, available in paperback form 

for only $5.00. Betty Jean Lifton's novel for teenagers, which shows a teenage 

adoptee searching and being reunited with her birthmother, I'm Still Me is available 

in hardback for $9.00. See the Donating/Joining page for details. Remember, 

too, that Information Packets (which include a variety of CUB materials and a 

one year gift subscription to the newsletter) are $25.00 each--be sure to state 

whether or not you would like your name listed on the introductory letter we send 

to the recipient. - 

If you haven't ordered your Lee Hamilton Christmas cards from CUB yet, you'll 

need to RUSH your order to CUB'S Dover Office, 595 Central Avenue, Dover, NH 03820 

along with $6.00 for each package of 20 cards and envelopes.

BACKGROUND, 

BOARD OPINIONS, ETC, ON THE "RIGHT TO SEARCH" BALLOTING 

There's so much to be said that I can't 

fit it all in on these few pages. What 

I can do, though, is to remind you all to 

read your October, 1981 newsletters for 

the background on this concerning Lucy 

Pare, the birthmother who is being investigated 

by a grand jury in New Jersey for 

helping adoptees and birthmothers in 

their searches. The letters and statements 

that are included here will provide 

you with additional information, insights 

and ideas both about Lucy's situation in 

particular and about searching in general 

so that you can make up your mind how you 

want to vote on this important issue. 

CUB is not some anonymous entity out 

"there" somewhere--CUB is you and me. 

Your opinion and those of other CUB members 

determine CUB'S future direction and 

the actions we will be taking. Please 

vote. Your opinion matters! 

Mary Anne Cohen, a CUB member and co-founder of 

ORIGINS, wrote to CUB'S Board 02 Directors on 

behalf of Origins to request that CUB issue a 

formal statement in support of Lucy. Her statement 

follows: 

It is very difficult and demoralizing to have to 

write a defense of a position that should be self 

evident and in no need of defense: the position 

of open, wholehearted support for Luce.Pare.by 

all groups and individuals in the adoption reform 

movement, for whom Lucy has risked much, and 

asked nothing for herself but thanks and kind 

words. I hope that once you read this, and fully 

understand the situation, you will be as pround 

to stand by Lucy as we are, since full and open 

support of Lucy's case is in no way contrary to 

CUB policies and beliefs. 

There seems to be some confusion concerning two 

issues in this case: CUB'S status as a non-search 

organization, and the charging of fees for search 

11el.p by Lucy's researcher. Some people seem to 

feel that open association with Lucy's case will 

compromise CUB'S stand on these issues. Based on 

CUB'S policies, as stated in the Communicator, 

we feel there is no conflict here, and that open 

support of Lucy and Origins would be merely a 

continuation of existing arrangements, not a departure 

or compromise of beliefs. 

CUB is not and never has been a search group, but 

in tlie past six months there have. appeared in the 

Communicator several announcements that CUB would 

make search referrals to other individuals and 

organizations who did openly provide search assistance. 

These referrals were included as a service 

to CUB members who had, on their own, decided to 

search, and they were made to many groups, including 

Origins, Triadoption, and Adoption Consultants, 

alt of whom charge fees for search assistance, 

usually several hundred dollars. 

CUB'S referrals to Origins and to Lucy were not 

covert--they were made openly within CUB'S stated 

policies, as were referrals to Triadoption and 

others offering similar services. Therefor, for 

CUB to support Lucy now in no way implicates CUB 

in anything it did not openly espouse before the 

deception, nor does it violate CUB'S policy of 

not being a search group. 

Neither CUB, nor its officers, ever engaged in 

search for anyone--they merely referred people 

to Origins or Triadoption, two groups that 

fully support CUB and its goals, differing only 

in 'the fact that we offer search assistance. 

All the founders of Origins, including Lucy, are 

long-standing CUB members, and we have always 

encouraged all our members to join and support 

CUB. From the beginning, CUB and Origins have 

had an open, supportive, mutually helpful relationship. 

Why should the recent deception and 

ensuing legal case cause a shift to estrangement, 

or to a covert relationship? This would 

make both CUB and Origins look bad, both to the 

attorney general's office and to our adversaries 

who want to keep adoptions closed. 

The actions of the Peros, who posed as birthparents 

to facilitate the deception, violated the 

rights and sensibilities of-bothCUB and Origins, 

infringing on CUB'S functions as a support group 

and on Origins' functions as a search group, as 

well as causing great personal suffering to Lucy 

and her family. CUB and Origins have both been 

publicly injured by the Peros and N.B.C., and we 

should present a united front against them just 

as publicly, It should also be noted that by 

stopping the activities of Lucy and "Jack" our 

opponents have effectively halted all searching 

in New Jersey, and that the mothers of adult 

adoptees, adoptees, and adoptive parents who are 

sc?portive of search have lost just as much as 

ha-:e birthmothers of minors. As someone once 

se-d, we must all hang together and fight, or we 

will all be hanged separately. 

As to the question of fees, although Lucy took 

nothing for the help she offered and in fact incurred 

very large phone and postage expenses 

that cost her much more than she could really 

afford, her contact "Jack" did charge a fee, and 

some people find this offensive. We fail to see 

how "Jack's" fees were any more wrong or unjustified 

than the similar fees charged by Triadoption, 

Adoption Consultants, or any other genealogical 

researcher who does not work as a free 

volunteer. Some of us (myself included) were 

blessed with the opportunity to find our children 

without paying a fee, However, I know that I 

would have gladly paid anything to find my son 

and could never condemn or feel superior to any 

birthmother who did use "hired help." It is very 

hypocritical for a birthn~other to openly support 

the right to search on the one hand, and on the 

other to assume that any mother who pays for

search assistance is in some way less honorable 

than one who gets her information for free. 

"Jack" put himself in great danger in order to 

help others and we do not feel that his fee for 

the risk, trouble, time and expense he put into 

so many searches was unjustified or exploitive. 

I could go on for pages exploring the many political 

and legal reasons why it makes good sense 

for CUB to support Lucy, but as I stated to Retty 

Furness, the real1 issues here are not legal, 

but moral, and I feel very strongly that everyone 

who believes in the right to search, and the 

need for change in adoption legislation, is morally 

obligated to come out strongly in support of 

that courageous birthmother, Lucy Pare. 

I cannot be objective about Lucy becapse she is 

one of my best friends, and we have shared many 

laughs and tears in our efforts for adoption reform 

and in our friendship. Lucy, like me, 

found her son several years ago, and could easily 

have left the movement after completing her 

own search, as so many have done. Because she 

cared so deeply about the pain of those who had 

not yet found their lost ones, she did what nobody 

else had the guts to do: became the contact 

for an honest and reliable search source for 

those who choose to use it. I cannot emphasise 

too strongly that she took this risk not for herself, 

not for profit or glory, but for all 

birthparents and adoptees still in search. Lucy 

was there for others who needed her help. Now 

that she needs yours, it would be very cruel to 

turn away. 

We in Origins are very proud to be in the vanguard 

of the adoption reform movement. No laws 

have been broken, but if this should be disproved 

we are proud of our act of civil disobedience 

in refusing to be tied by cruel, unjust 

laws. We have acted in accordance with our beliefs, 

and in the great tradition of the civil 

rights movement, the peace movement, and, as Lucy 

said, the underground railway that led slaves to 

freedom. We have nothing to hide, or to be 

ashamed of, nor would CUB need to be ashamed of 

association with our case. 

We ask those who support us to do so openly, and 

those who honestly oppose us to do so with equal 

openness. We consider offers of covert or secret 

support an insult to our integrity, as we are not 

ashamed of ourselves or our actions, and do not 

need the support of any group whose name cannot 

be associated openly with ours. We, especially 

Lucy, are on the "hot seat" now, and we have no 

time or patience for lengthy debate, or fcr 

calming other people's fears. We ask of you only 

the amount of courage and dedication we ask of 

ourselves, no more and no less. 

What we most need from CUB is support and space 

in the Communicator, advertisement and contribution 

to the legal fund, and most importantly the 

unqualified love, encouragement, and moral support 

you can send Lucy's way. We would like positive 

statements to the media from any of you who 

are interviewed about our case, and, of course, 

positive, supportive statements to the authorities 

from any of you who are questioned or subpoenaed. 

Yes, we do need money for our legal expenses, 

but money without open support and acknowledgement 

of sisterhood with Lucy and our 

cause means nothing. We would like a statement 

from CUB supporting Lucy's efforts, and the right 

to search, made officially in the Communicator. 

We realize that such a statement would also reaffirm 

CUBts position as a suppo?t rather than a 

search group. Supporting our search efforts and 

our case would in no way implicate CUB in any 

search activities, but would show our solidarity 

as groups working in different ways for the same 

objectives. 

If you believe in open records, the right to 

search, and the unbreakable tie between mother 

and child,'dontt be afraid to say so. If you 

believe the present adoption laws are punitive 

and unjust, stand behind Lucy in her courageous 

challenge of those laws. And pray for Lucy and 

for Jack too. They have made the happiness of 

reunion, 

* * * 9 < * 

Marsha Riben, another CUB member and co-founder 

of Origins, also wrote a lengthy letter. Excerpts 

follow: 

... I am aware that you are currently deciding the 

question of whether or not to back Origins and 

Lucy Paye;both publicly and privately. I wish 

to share with you my feelings. 

First in regard' to minor searches in general, the 

best possible argument in favor of them are four 

children,,three of whom would still be institutionalized 

had it not been for the perseverence of 

their birthmothers to leave no stone unturned in 

their quest for them, and one who still remains in 

foster carc despite her birth mother'.^ fervent 

wishes. I speak of Julie Welsh, whose son, when 

she found him, had been abandoned two years prior 

by his adbptive father and stepmother after having 

suffered abuse. Julie now has legal custody. 

Kimberly, Jeff's sister who also suffered abuse 

and was either removed from her adoptive home or 

I I 

given away" and remains in foster care. Mary 

Draughon, whose son was institutionalized by his, 

adoptive parents for hyperactivity, now has her 

son living with her and her family. Jean Nicely, 

whose son was found in a mental hospital and was 

described as a vegetable, now has her son at home 

with her, and he is now classified as a trainable 

adult . 

Those are just four cases that I know of personally. 

How many others are there: How many other 

children suffer needlessly because no one seems 

to want them, when in fact their birthmothers 

long for them? How many "waiting children" have 

loving, caring, and able birthmothers who have no 

idea that their children are not, in fact, in the 

"better homes than they could provide" that were 

promised them? 

I don't need any statistics; these four cases are 

12

enough for me. As a parent, I could not and 

would not sit back and wait for my child to turn 

18, not knowing if she were dead or alive, institutionalized 

or in foster care. When agencies - 

lie or tell us nothing, we have no recourse but 

to take matters into our own hands. We gave them 

up out of love, need I remind you. 

There is no law against searching at any age. And 

bear in mind that I am saying searching, not contacting, 

We must protect our right to search to 

alleviate our fears, to learn whether our children 

have received everything that was promised us, 

and to somehow (if possible) make ourselves discreetly 

available to them, should they have a 

pressing need to know us, before 18. The four 

above mentioned cases may be the extremes. But 

what about all the "normal" adolescent adoptees 

who are using drugs, dropping out of school; sexually 

permissive, rebellious, etc. because of a 

burning need to know who they are? Who will 

speak for them? Ask Carol Gustavson, adoptive 

mother of a troubled youth, and try to recall 

Jean paton's article (~ept./~ct. 1980 Communica- 

tor) called "The Magic Age of Eighteen" in which 

she states that 18 is probably the worst time to 

make contact. 

... How can we publicly say we have always loved 

our childre0 but we just forget about them for 

I8 years? 

I also wish to address the issue of money changing 

hands, which seems to be a sticky issue, and 

perhaps THE issue. My only comment about this is 

to again state that it is the system which is 

wrong and has forced us to use whatever means we 

must to obtain this information. Don't condemn 

us for what we've done, channel your energies in- 

stead against the system which has forced us to 

do it. Don't be holier than thou if you happen 

to have been lucky enough to be given your information 

for free or found it accidently, or 

stole it, or knew someone. Does that make you 

better? Are we going to start making distinctions 

like she's a better birthmother than I because she 

was older or younger at the time of surrender, or 

I was married and you weren't, or you kept your 

kid longer than I did, or who surrendered one or 

more than one child? We are all in this together. 

... The enemy is all around us like sharks, just 

waiting. Do we throw one another to the.sharks to 

save ourselves? Or do we all stick together? 

The State Attorney General has told Harold Cassidy, 

Lucy's attorney, that the entire open records 

case in New Jersey hinges on the birthmothers. We 

nrust show them that we are united, NOW. Show them 

them that birthmothers don't want "protection" and 

anonymity from our children. That's the issue ... 

... not whether they are minors or not. Not whether 

we have paid money or not. There is strength 

in numbers. If we start to plinter among ourselves, 

we'll all be shark food for the enemy who 

is just sitting around waiting and laughing themselves 

sick right now about our internal disputes. 

Iie have also learned that the attorney for ALEW, 

who is fighting their class action suit for open 

records, has asked for the support of CUB and Origins 

on behalf of birthmothers, even though they 

have banned us from meetings. 

Trust your leader and Zounder, Lee Campbell. 

Trust Harold Cassidy. They know what they are 

doing and have all of our best interests at heart. 

Harold does not believe Lucy's actions were illegal, 

but he believes very strongly that if Lucy has 

broken any law, it is an illegal law to begin with. 

He should know because his field of specialty is 

constitutional law. Stick with us and behind us 

both publicly and privately. It's very important 

not just to us, but to you. We will help the 

cause of open records, not hurt it.... 

If you turn your back on Lucy and Origins, saying 

that you are embarrassed by us, it will be much 

like what our mothers did to so many of us to put 

us in this situation in the first place. We were 

a public embarrassment to them, and so to save 

face they shipped us away to homes under anonymous 

names and had us lose our children because of it. 

Don't repeat the same crime .... 

On October 6, Origins held a press conference. 

Happily it was well attended by the media and as 

a result of it there were many articles in eastern 

papers concerning the punitive aspects of adoption. 

Origins' introduction to the press was: 

You may have wondered where most of the 5 million 

adoptees .in the U.S. came from. They di.dnl t come 

from adoption agencies--or from doctors or lawyers 

who arrange private adoptions--or from women 

who had abortions--and they didn't come from 

women who didn't love their children or who didn't 

want a better life for them. For the most part, 

they came from young, single, pregnant, scared 

women--just like we were years ago. 

(Mew Jersey) Criminal Justice Director Stier 

stated recently that he has no sympathy for anyone 

w is exploiting those of us who lost children to 

adoption. We agree with Mr. Stier: we don't have 

any sympathy for anyone who exploits birthmothers 

either. But, if there is to be an investigation 

into who exploits us, it isn't someone who helps 

bring mother and child together. Rather, they 

should investigate the adoption agencies, social 

workers, and the lawyers and doctors who arrange 

adoptions--those who were not honest with us about 

the lies of adoption. 

Origins1 official statement: 

We have chosen to be here in Princeton on this day 

and at this time because we believe a Grand Jury 

investigation is about to commence here in the 

Criminal Justice buil.ding as a result of an investigation 

by the attorney general's office. Origins 

believes this investigation to be misconceived 

and illadvised. We believe that the attorney 

general's office might make better use of their 

resources to investigate the inequities of the adoption 

system and to question whether the system

eally serves to solve any problem or simply creates 

new ones. The Attorney General's office 

seems only to care that a law may have been broken, 

not about why it may have been broken. We 

hope to explain why at this conference. 

Adoption was originally created to find families 

for homeless orphans. It has changed over the 

years to meet the demands of childless married 

couples who can afford to pay thousands of dollars 

for healthy infants. Origins believes 

that both private and public funds that are currently 

being spent to separate mothers and children 

should be spent instead in trying to find 

ways to protect and preserve this most precious 

unit--a mother and her child. 

Origins is a nationwide organization for women 

who have lost children to adoption. We were 

founded in order to recognize the unique emotional 

needs of birthmothers and to help them deal 

with their continuing guilt, anguish and concern 

for their lost children. 

We surrendered our children not because they were 

unwanted or unloved, but because adoption was pre 

II 

sented to us as the only loving, mature" option 

a single mother could take. Contrary to popular 

belief, the majority of birthmothers are neither 

"bag ladies or princesses" as many adoptees fantasize 

and the media would oftimes have you believe. 

We are the lady next door with all the 

kids, the executive, or your child's first grade 

teacher. We did not abuse or abandon our children. 

We gave up our children as an act of love, 

believing that we could not provide an adequate 

home for them at that time and because we were 

pressured by family, social workers, clergy, and 

society's mores. 

Those of us who have continued to love and have 

concern for our lost children are tired of being 

presented as women living in shadows who desire 

protection and anonymity. We are all here today 

to show the world that we care more about the 

welfare of our children than our own protection 

and personal safety. Those of us who care likewise 

resent being presented as selfish threats to 

our children and their families if we wish to 

seek them. 

While contact by the birthmother can be upsetting 

to adoptive parents, if such contacts are both 

made and received in a spirit of forgiveness, 

love and sensitivity they can present an opportunity 

for growth for all parties involved. Adoptive 

parents who are willing to communicate with 

birthmothers can further cement the loving connections 

they have established with their children 

by presenting them with the precious gift of 

knowledge of their heritage. Nothing can destroy 

a family built of trust, honesty and love. 

Birthparents recognize the adoptive parents as 

the "real" parents in every sense of the word. 

We are not seeking to regain custody of our 

children. To our knowledge, there has never been 

a reported case of a missing child in which a 

birthparent was even suspected, as has been suggested 

by numerous media reports such as the 

recent NBC News coverage of this case. 

Birthparents who institute the search process are 

not intruding into the lives of their children 

and their families for selfish needs, but rather 

are making themselves available to alleviate the 

adoptees' inevitable fear of rejuction. We do 

It 

not regard our children as property" to be 

stolen, fought over or owned. Nothing would be 

more tragic than birthmothers and adoptive parents 

at war with one another, when in fact we 

share the most precious bond--love and concern 

for the same child. 

There are bad laws and goo6 laws. In a free society, 

laws are what the people make them. Origins 

believes that the laws surrounding adoption 

and sealed records'are based on fear and ignorance. 

Xt is important to understand why people 

might choose to break baa Laws in order to decide 

how and why the laws should be changed. As long 

asthere are sealed records, adoptees and birthparents 

will use alternative methods to search 

for one another. 

We believe it is unconscionable to deny any 

child access to his origins, and to any mother 

the right to confirm the well being of her surrendered 

child. 

We admire and support courageous people like Lucy 

Pare for acting out of morzi conviction. For us 

to face the injustices of zdoption takes courage 

and causes pain to ourselvss, but it is the only 

way to heal the wounds adoption has caused. 

Harold Cassidy, attorney f~r Lucy and Origins, 

presented this statement : 

There is a need for us in society to learn to know 

the women who have come to call themselves "birthparents." 

They are women wbo know that a child is 

a part of his mother forever. They are women who 

know that separation can ncJ2r sever the bond between 

them. They know whit it means to love a 

child and to place the child's welfare above all 

else in life. They know Lts pain of wanting what 

is best for the child they love, while society 

tells them that what is be^: is that they never 

see that child again. They know the ultimate act 

of love. They know the uit-bate sacrifice. They 

know the neverending grief of being continually 

denied what every portion of their souls demands: 

the knowledge that their cklldren are well. 

We, as a society, have perpetrated the cruelest 

deception. What we have teiieved to be altruistic 

has been, in reality, iestructive. We have 

sought to create without a ~ 7 understanding of how 

much we destroy in the process. 

Birthparents now know thac separating a mother 

and her child is not in the best interests of 

either of them. Their enoxous sacrifice was 

based on society's misconce~tions. The adoptees' 

sense of rejection is the zsst painful irony of 

all: what was done out of iove is mistaken for a 

lack of it.

For us to truly learn what a birthparent is, is to 

learn that we, as a society, are hypocritical. We 

urge surrender, then later rebuke it. We make 

laws that we purport to be for the welfare of our 

children, then ignore or suppress their pleas to 

satisfy the most fundamental and compelling need 

they have: to know their mothers. 

What we must understand is that we have held imprisoned 

an important part of these women. They 

must be made whole again. This task will not be 

difficult when we understand who they are. 

The? are our mothers. 

They are our sisters. 

They are our daughters. 

We have made them a sacrificed minority. We must 

have the courage to learn to know them and the 

pain that has been inflicted upon them. When we 

achieve this, we shall know that they act out of 

love, and we needn't fear them. 

I' 

between saying: I support your absolute right to 

search," and, "I support your search no matter 

what means you use or what laws you may break in 

doing so. 1' 

To my mind this is the crux of the difference of 

opinion among those who wish to publicly support 

Lucy at this time, and those who are reluctant to 

do so without knowing all the facts. I believe 

that CUB can and should make the first statement. 

I, for one, cannot make the second statement and 

do not believe CUB should either. We have struggled 

to change inhumane laws, and work around 

them, and prove ourselves to be respectable people 

who care for our children--all of them. I do 

not believe we will accomplish much if we openly 

and blatantly support illegal acts. In matters 

of adoption search, this might be considered a 

matter of civil disobedience--that path is yours 

to take if you choose. But please be aware of 

the implications involved in making all-encompassing 

statements without concern for the details. 

When CUB Board members were informed that the ques- Mickey Carty, CUB Northeast Regional Coordinator, 

tion of whether or not CUB could support searchers expresses her view: 

and researchers who are challenged would be voted 

If I have learned anything from being a member of 

on by CUB'S membership, the Board members were of- 

CUB, it is the unification of its membership, the 

fered the opportunity to share their thoughts and 

feelings with you in this issue before you vote. 

First, Sandy Musser, CUB Vice President for Branch 

Administration and founder of Adoption Triangle 

,~ini tries, shares her thoughts : 

There is a national movement in our country today 

for adoptees' rights. We're told that their adoption 

records are sealed to protect the rights of 

the birthparent. 

It should be evident by now that the majority of 

birthparents do not want protection by the fact 

that they are willing to lay their lives on the 

line to know something about those whom they were 

forced to surrender. 

Like it or not, searches will continue. They will 

continue because the punishment of never knowing 

anything about your child does not fit the crime. 

Even the scriptures ask the question, "Can a woman 

forget the child of her womb?" The answer, of 

course, is no--and it is because she never forgets 

that she goes in search of truth, knowing that 

only the truth concerning her birthchild will set 

her free. 

The drive to discover the truth about origins is a 

basic human need that will never be squelched. It 

will never be squelched because the force behind 

this drive is the force called love. Love is the 

only freedom in the world because it so lifts the 

spirit that the laws of humanity do not alter its 

course. 

solidity of belonging to an organization that offers 

support to those who have lost their children 

to adoption.' Regardless of which level of growth 

I am'dealing with in my birthparent experience, 

there is always someone within CUB to share those 

feelings with and to say "1 care. I' Without CUB, I 

may never have gained the courage to reach within 

myself and work through the emotional experience 

of being a birthparent. 

But CUB also advocates another important aspect.., 

to humanize adoption and its policies. If this is 

true, then CUB has to clarify and update its present 

search policies. By advocating searching, 

CUE will not jeopardize its present goals as a 

su~port group, but rather acknowledge with growth 

comes change. I feel the Luce Pare entrapment is 

our opportunity to prove our solidity as a group. 

What Lucy has done as an intermediary to a researcher 

bears no judgment from any of us. "Judge 

not that ye be not judged. For with what judgment 

ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure 

ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." 

Matthew 7: 1 and 2. Other than withholding the 

name of the researcher, Lucy has done nothing illegal. 

I would do the same if I were in her shoes. 

And is searching illegal anyway? 

I think it is absurd that other adoption related 

organizations will offer search assistance and 

support to birthparents , when CUB, the "mother" 

birthparent organization, remains with its head 

in the sand. Let's update our policies and unite 

as one. Let's give Lucy the support she deserves 

and take a step forward in this adoption game! 

9; .L #,%->k* 

Gail Hanssen, CUB National Secretary, wrote: 

* 

Gail Hanssen's husband Roy E. fianssen, who repre- 

It seems to me that there is a world of difference sents spouses of birtl~parents, itemized his views.

Those that pertained to the issue of support for 

searchers and/or researchers who are challenged 

are : 

I do not think CUB should be involved with the 

legal problems incurred by members who are engaged 

in searches, for the following reasons: 

A. CUB'S stated position is that search is 

a personal venture. Any risk has to be 

borne by the individuals who choose to get 

involved. 

B. These people were aware of CUB'S position 

on searching and chose to proceed. 

C. CUB should not administer a "defense 

fund." It would give the impression that 

CUB is secretlv involved. 

I 

D. There have been no indictments as of 

this time. 

1 In summary, CUB should take a very conservative 

I 

approach. There is and will be plenty of time 

I to act after we see if anything really comes of 

all this. As always, an individual member has 

the right to state views in the newsletter and 

ask for help, and perhaps Lucy should do this. 

I 

Carol Gustavson, adoptive parent and CUB'S 

Liaison Commit tee Chairperson (who contacts 

adoptive families at the xequest of birthmothers 

who have located their children), has actively 

supported Lucy by being interviewed on tv and 

by newspapers regarding Lucy and the right to 

search. She wrote: 

Where is the law that says birthparents are never 

to know the well being of their children? 

Where is the law that says birthparents have no 

right to find out if the promises made to them 

were kept, in the placement of their children? 

As we in New Jersey continue to struggle with the 

aftermath of the N.B.C. presentation, our continued 

communication with the news media is showing 

a touch of sympathy towards our efforts. A small 

seed has been planted and we are trying to nourish 

it in the best possible way. We are stating 

facts, personal experiences and everything that 

goes into the realistic approach in bringing 

honest coverage. 

There are the continued painful experiences also, 

such as the one I went through last week, when 

Nary Anne Cohen and I were going to speak on adoption 

as part of a research project for a local 

high school health class. This was a dream come 

true for me, because as my children were growing 

I often had to scoop up groups of children to explain 

adoption to them. Society really does not 

cover this special area of life to the extent 

where there is true understanding. Because of my 

stand for birthparents and the fact that my face 

has been on tv and in some newspapers, supporting 

the right to search, a group of women contacted 

the school and demanded to sit in on our presentation 

and to be allowed "equal time", assuming 

Mary Anne and I would only present our personal 

feelings on adoption, when in fact we had made 

every'effort to present the many feelings involved 

and shared up to date books and mzterials with 

i It is very wearing on all of us in New Jersey 

1 who arc attempting to stand strong in the face the two young men who were giving the report. 

of the N.B.C. presentation, and aftermath. The The group of 

who protested turned out to be 

video tape is only part of the issues we are the ~doptive Mothers' Club in my area, of which I 

dealing with on a day to day course of life. 

was a member up until last Tuesday. - Not one of 

CUB members must be made aware of what important 

facts were left out of the taped tv series--the 

entrapment by those who took it upon themselves 

to act ns crirni.na1 inves tigatrors--N . i3, C. and the 

Peros--under the guise of investigative reporting. 

Recently 60 Minutes devoted their whole 

program to thc abuses of investigative reporting. 

All of us in New Jersey feel N.B.C. and the Peros 

are guilty of that abuse. 

A11 CUB ~nembers should ask themselves how they 

would feel if their pri-dacy were invaded by hidden 

micrnphones, while they were sharing some of 

the most personal parts of their lives with 

trusted individuals, and attempting to enfold a 

newcomer with empathetic feelings, only to find 

out later it was a ploy in a scheme to entrap. 

tIow con anyone who viewed the video tape say it 

*$as an honest presentation w11cn it was implied 

over and over again that birthparents snatch 

children from play grounds, :Is an adoptive mother 

I am outraged wit11 that type of sensat:ionalism, 

because to my knowledge there has not been 

a single reported case of such a happening. Are 

CUB members satisfied to let that kind of reporting 

go unchallenged? 

Where is the law that says search is illegal? 

the members cared enough to call me personally to 

let me know of their concerns. When I trj s c l to 

call members to find out what was going on, one 

hung up on me; another shared briefly and in her 

slzar ing said, "It wouldn't have bothered me so 

much if you and the adoptee were speaking to the 

class, but no birthmother has the right to stand 

with the adoptive family. " The pain of this re- 

mark was excruciating to me. A small touch of 

the constant pain you all live with as a rejection 

of the reality that you are real and human. 

A third adoptive mother shared at length with me. 

Tbe opportunity to speak before the class was 

taken away from us. 

The opportunity to stand for Lucy is upon each 

and every one of you. Nothing will prev ent me 

from supporting her in every way possible. She 

is guilty of nothing but continued caring about 

her son and your lost children, and you, and the 

belief that all families are forever--enfolding 

adoptive families. 

Sue Daggett, CUB National Treasurer and h'll Rep, 

called me to read this brief statement (though 

our conversation afterwards will no doubt make 

quite an impression on her next month's tele-

~ 

I 

1 

I 

I 

' 

phone bill, as we also shared lots of other news 

and feelings) : 

I am not a particularly religious person in an 

orthodox sense, but Biblical history tells us that 

Peter denied even knowing Jesus three times before 

the crucifixion. Then, "he went out and wept bitterly. 

" He believed, but he denied. 

If now, after three active years with CUB and adoption 

reform, I denied my support of a person who 

has worked in a practical way to promote openness 

and honesty in adoption, I would have to weep bitterly. 

Carole Anderson, CUB Vice President for Public Education 

and Newsletter Editor, wrote: 

If a reporter called me to say that a member of 

Orphan Voyage or ALMA or any other group was being 

queried about searching and then asked for my opinion, 

I wouldn't even hesitate before stating 

that I believe people who have been separated by 

adoption have the right to search for their families. 

I would explain the overwhelming need to 

search. I would say that regardless of who has 

been granted the legal privilege of raising a 

child, no person should ever be regarded as property 

and treated as property. I would say that 

adoption cannot remove physical and genetic relationships 

even though it grants social relationships 

by stripping birthparents of legal rights. 

My support for the challenged searcher would be 

unconditional since I believe the right to search 

is an absolute right. 

Since that would be my response for anyone else 

whose right to search was challenged, I cannot offer 

less to Lucy. I am not moved by arguments 

that the researcher Lucy paid may have done something 

illegal. I don't know if the researcher did 

or not, but I know Lucy didn't. When I hire a 

plumber I assume the work he does is consistent 

with city codes. When I hire a lawyer I assume 

that the work he does on my behalf is legal. I 

pay for many kinds of service, and I assume the 

people providing those services are acting within 

the law in delivering them. So did Lucy, and why 

not? 

This country's system of justice is supposed to 

be based on the concept that people are innocent 

unless they are proven otherwise. Lucy paid for a 

service and received it. There is no reason to 

believe that LUCY'S researcher broke any laws in 

securing the information he provided, nor is there 

any reason to believe that Lucy's paying for his 

serv ices was illegal. There is no reason to believe 

search is illegal. 

This case was brought to the pub1ic"s attention 

through such clandestine means as hidden tape 

recorders and the violation of people's privacy. 

\Je all know that the Peros, Betty Furness, and 

others who have attacked Lucy are not really concerned 

about whether the methods Lucy's researcher 

used are legal or not. They are upset with the 

fact that people do search. They are unhappy that 

adoptees search, but at least then they feel that 

if they "do their job right ,I' their adoptee won' t 

search, Birthparents, though, are completely 

outside of their control, so they become downright 

hysterical at the thought that any birthparent 

would search. It threatens their' most basic 

and treasured illusions: that adoption is 

the same as, or better than, birth; that adoptive 

parents are an adoptee's only parents; that adoptive 

parents forever own the child they adopt; 

that adoption benefits all parties and does not 

need to be changed. 

They don't want to face the fact that adoption is 

too often an exploitive system that gives adopters 

happiness at the eternal cost of the birthparents 

who will always love their child; that while raising 

a child is important, so is birth; that flesh 

and blood ties continue to exist no matter how 

strong the adoptive ties may be; that adoptees 

have two sets of parents. It is understandable 

that the.Peros do not want to understand and grow, 

because growth is painful. They don't want their 

limited, possessive view to expand to include anyone 

but themselves. I don't believe, though, that 

our need and our children's should go unmet in 

order to spare some possessive people the need to 

grow. 

Lucy is a heroine in every sense. She has given 

her time, money, heart and soul in her efforts to 

free searching adoptees and birthmothers from the 

agonies of continued unsuccessful searches. She 

remembers what it was like to wonder whether her 

son was alive or dead. She has known countless 

adoptees who have felt incomplete without knowledge 

.of their birthparents and their birthfamilies' 

hisgory. 

I was fortunate enough to find my son on my own, 

but I 'feel that I, and everyone else in the movement, 

owe Lucy a debt of gratitude. She has put 

her personal freedom on the line for the things 

we all believe in. Her courage is an example to 

all of us, because she has aided others even 

though she has long known that there were some 

narrow, limited people like the Peros who would 

stoop to anything to stop her from bringing truth 

to life. There are too many people who find 

their missing loved ones and then disappear from 

view, giving nothing to those who are still suffering. 

Lucy is not one of those. 

- 

I support the absolute right to search, and I 

hope you will too. I also hope that each of you 

will contribute to the Right to Search fund that 

has been established on Lucy's behalf. I believe 

that if we refuse to support Lucy we'll all lose, 

and we'll deserve to. 

***** 

Mary Jo Rillera, President of Triadoption Library 

and a CUB Soard member who is both an adoptee and 

a birthmother, called to give me this view for 

the newsletter: 

Rather than to defend our right to search and to 

know, we must take a positive, progressive stand. 

This is a great opportunity to reach out, to edu-

cate large portions of our society. This case, 

if we support it fully with out votes, our money, 

and our prayers, can make a giant difference in 

the future. And isn't that just exactly what 

this movement is supposed to do? 

This is an opportunity for each of us to take an 

active part in changing the world, in changing 

adoption, in af fecbing the consciousness of millions 

of people. 

Lucy is not only a symbol of our struggle, she is 

a working single mother and a vulnerable, feeling 

human being just like the rest of us. She cries, 

she gets scared, she longed to know her surrendered 

child was alive and well, she suffered the 

same frustration and anguish we all did. Lucy 

cared enough to help others. Now let's care enough 

to help her, to help ourselves, and to help 

those thousands who will come down this path after 

us. 

CUB represents many things, but itstitle alone 

should indicate our direction. Concerned--about 

more than just ourselves. United--we stand, divided, 

you know the rest. Birthparents--though 

we come from every walk of life, every ethnic, 

racial, religious, and economic background we 

have one experience in common. On that thread we 

are woven together. Like all minorities that 

have suffered from prejudice, manipulation, and 

limitation we cannot expect others to change their 

attitudes and actions toward us simply because we 

are right. We must give them the tools to change 

behavior and the information to change their 

concepts . 

Let's have vision about what the future could be. 

Let's look at ways to use this case to our best 

advantage. Wishing it had never happened will 

not make it go away, so instead let's use our time 

and energy to see that it will not happen again. 

If we confront it now, then threats that search is 

wrong or illegal will no longer loom causing fear 

and doubt in both searchers and those who help 

people search. 

I hope the membership of CUB is strong. I feel we 

can create a successful support network in this 

area of legal confrontation just as we have in the 

emotional arenas. I believe this can make CUB 

stronger, more unified, and even more well known. 

Public support of Lucy, public attack of the actions 

of N.B.C. and the Peros lets millions know 

we believe in our cause and are willing to stand 

behind it. 

"There are really only two ways to approach life -- 

as a victim or as a gallant fighter -- and you must 

decide if you want to act or react, deal your own 

cards, or play with a stacked deck. And if you 

don't decide which way to play with life, it always 

plays with you." --rferle Shain 

Trish Patti, a non-birthparent CUB Board member, 

wrote : 

I feel great personal sympathy and moral support 

for Lucy Pare in her legal'troubles. I have read 

moving pleas for a statement from CUB in her defense 

from her supporters. CUB has always supported 

the right to search'but has jrearly declined 

to become active in this venture, skating clearly 

that "search is a personal venture." I presume 

that Lucy knew CUB'S policy as well as her personal 

legal liabilities in this area prior to hkr engagement 

in search. It is my understanding that 

she was not alone in her search activities yet her 

researcher has not been made known nor is this 

person publicly supporting her in this legal struggle. 

It is also my understanding that we have not 

been informed of the methods used in the search so 

we don't really know what it is we are being asked 

to support or if in fact a law was broken. All 

things considered, I feel it would be unwise for 

CUB to support Lucy in this case, if it in fact 

does become a case, without more knowledge. I 

feel that the elusive "Jack" has a far greater 

moral obligation to do so. . 

>'r**** 

Charleen Justice, who is our CUB Sister Coordinator 

as well as a Board member, expressed these 

thoughts : 

I have always felt that CUB should be firm about 

being a support organization and have nothing to 

do with searches. I have even been somewhat uncomfortable 

about making referrals for fear of 

some insecure person or persons accusing CUB of 

searching for'minors for its members, 

I have been misunderstood by these people many 

times. I wrote a letter to the editor of a Philadelphia 

newspaper expressing my personal objections 

to Gurrogate mothers, and was accused of 

being "anti-adoption and irresponsible, " I spoke 

to a group of adoptive parents and the next day I 

received a call at work from one of the adoptive 

mothers telling me that she had no idea that CUB 

members were so "radical." I am far from radical, 

as many of you know. No matter what we do it 

will be exaggerated like the story about the 

birthmother who "accosted" the "little child" on 

the street when the truth was that the "little 

child" was 18 and the adoptive parents had refused 

to tell her that her birthmother had made 

contact with them. 

I am sure that CUB will be accused by some of 

snatching teenage adoptees from their happy homes 

if we support Lucy Pare. Who cares? They have 

been accusing us anyhow! 

Even though I feel that we should support Lucy I 

was worried about CUB. But CUB i s the members. 

We have all lost a great deal and we can never get 

our children back, but we can stick together and 

help one another regain some of the dignity that 

was taken with our babies. 

support minor searches. I would not have been 

le to go on after my second child was stillborn 

I had not found my firstborn last year when he 

was 15. Knowing has changed my life. I feel that 

I have a right to know if my own flesh and blood 

is alive and well. Some of you may not agree, but

whether or not you agree with minor searches is 

not the issue in supporting Lucy Pare. She is a 

birthmother who needs our help because she helped 

birthmothers. 

I saved Lee's statement until last because as our 

President and founder I thought she deserved to 

have the last word. And it's a moving and inspiring 

last word, too--as usual. 

I have some fairly strong feelings about lending 

official CUB support to searchers and researchers 

who are' legally challenged. Simply put, I feel 

we should, indeed, support these people as much 

as possible. 

While there are no laws prohibiting search, with 

the exception of tampering with the so-called 

"sealed" record (which is also questionable), 

challenges by the opposition are likely. They 

feel it is wrong for mothers to exercise their 

fundamental right to know how their children are, 

if parenting rights are terminated, and they would 

have others condemn it, too. If we fail to issue 

statements of support for searchers and researchers, 

the inference can be drawn by other that, 

deep down, we agree the practice of search is 

wrong. 

In the unlikely event the courts determine someday 

that it is illegal for birthparents and adoptees 

to search for each other, an appeal on constitutional 

grounds would be appropriate. At that 

point, I would personally view subsequent searches 

as cases of civil disobedience. 

I am unconcerned about implications of wrong-doing, 

should others perceive our support in a negative 

way, since they are likely to be people who 

would misconstrue CUB'S efforts regardless of our 

position. When I gave CUB its name, it was not my 

intention that we hold our name in higher regard 

than our people's needs. And even though I want 

others to respect our work, I don't want others' 

respect at the cost of our own. 

CUB cannot, as an organization, devote our limited 

personpower and expertise to genealogical research 

and locating missing persons without also limiting ; appeared on the TODAY show was quite difour 

other important projects and programs. We. ferent than Betty's letter would lead one 

can, however, openly endorse search as a healthy, to expect. 

positive practice and we can support those people 

Tile interviews with Lee, Harold, and the 

who choose to search as well as the people and 

ALMA officers were not used at all. Very 

groups who help them. 

interesting, .when we remember that Betty's 

The practice of search is being legally challenged 1 . defense of her objectivity was that she 

I hope your vote will be for CUB to greet that 

challenge with the strength and dignity befitting 

our national organization. 

Reprinted £ran Originst newsletter, this quote 

£ran Confucius: 

TO SEE RIGHT AND NOT DO IT IS WANT OF 

COURAGE 1 

BETTY FURNESS DOES IT AGAIN 

ADOPTEE ELIZABETH WARD WROTE TO BETTY FUR- 

NESS TO EXPRESS HER. FEELINGS ABOUT BETTY'S 

BIASED REPORTING IN THE 'LUCY" SERIES,. 

BETTY FURNESSj AN ADOPTIVE GRANDMOTHER, 

WROTE THE FOLLOWING LETTER) INSISTING THAT 

SHE WAS BEING FAIR: 

Dear Ms. Ward, 

I'm distressed that you feel I took a position 

against--or for--any organization or 

individuals. I believe I took - no positions 

except about "Jack" or "Jeff" who may be in 

volved in illegal actions in obtaining and 

selling information from sealed records. 

I know that this is an issue where emotions 

and feelings are very strong, and I made 

every effort to allow the parties concerned 

(to) speak for themselves. 

We are planning a follow-up series, locally 

and one report on TODAY, and have interviewed 

the CUB National President and the 

attorney (Harold Cassidy) for CUB. I have 

also interviewed officers and members of 

ALMA. I'm sure you agree that they will 

serve well as the spokespersons you requested. 

I hope you will watch the TODAY report, 

presently scheduled for October 22, and 

that you will agree that I am making every 

effort to present every point of view. I 

am sincerely interested in making it clear 

that this in (sic) not a simplistic issue, 

but one with many facets that deserve considera 

tion. 

Sincerely, 

Betty Furness 

Despite what Ms. Furness wrote in her letter, 

and despite the fact that Lee Campbell 

and Harold Cassidy travelled to New 

York to be interviewed, the report that 

had interviewed them. Apparently, she 

didn't like what they said. Unbiased? 

The TODAY show gave air time to Bill 

Pierce, National Committee for Adoption 

(as the alternative for young, single, 

or troubled parents) and to Ruby Piester, 

director of Edna Gladney Home in Texas, 

the largest adoption agency in the country. 

See your July 1981 and March 1981 . 

newsletters for more information on Ruby 

and Edna Gladney.

As in her "Lucy series," Ms. Furness emphasized 

adoptive parents' fears about 

the possibility of children being snatched 

from play grounds even though she is well 

aware that this has never happened. The 

show pictured many shots of babies in 

cribs and children in play grounds, which 

could mislead the ignorant public into 

believing these vulnerable children are 

being kidnapped by their mothers (we know, 

of course, that many have been "kidnapped" 

by social workers). 

On the positive side, every birthmother 

interviewed on the show is shown with her 

full name and with her face brilliantly 

lighted. Mary Anne Cohen, Alison Ward, 

and Sandy Musser were all proud to speak 

the truth open'ly. 

In contrast, both Mr. and Mrs. Pero were 

seen only in darkness and shadows, presumably 

because they were ashamed of their 

participation in the deception of victimized 

birthmothers. Another adoptive 

interviewed on the show had been found by 

her "childfs" birthmother, yet she was 

unwilling to allow anyone else to see her 

face on the show, perhaps because she 

realized how she sounded. Ms. Furness's 

interview did not make it clear that this 

woman's "child" was an adult. 

The show revealed a sorry ignorance of 

adoption on the part of those who should 

know better. Ms. Piester fed the fears 

of adoptive parents by saying that honesty 

(by opening records) would make adoption 

"foster care." 

Several young women who are now pregnant 

and living at the Edna Gladney home were 

shown on the report--or rather, their 

swollen bellies were. Viewers watched 

one mother's baby kicking while she nervously 

wrung her hands and spoke of her 

love for her child, saying all the things 

the social workers taught her about how 

adoption would be best for her child. I 

bled for those young mothers, and the way 

they were being used. 

If Ms. Furness thinks this show "took no 

position," I'd hate to see what she'd do 

when she was taking a position. Ms. Furness 

is an adoptive grandmother, and apparently 

has bought the "standard line" 

about adoption so thoroughly that she is 

not even aware of the depth of her prejudices. 

Let's make her aware of them! 

Write a letter protesting this biased reporting 

to Grant Tinker, the president of 

N.B.C., and send copies to the TODAY show 

and Betty Furness. The address is: 

NBC-TV, 30 Rockefeller Plaza, New York, NY 10021 

Mary Jo Rillera suggests that in addition 

to sending our letters to Grant Tinker, 

Betty Furness, and the TODAY show, we 

consider sending copies to the other major 

television networks as well. If they 

realize that this "subject is one in which 

people are very much interested, and also 

are shown that there are plenty of people 

who are unhappy with the sensationalism 

exhibited in Ms. Furness's coverage of 

the subject, they may be inspired to examine 

adoption and search from a more objective 

viewpoint than N.B.C. has demonstrated. 

SOLSTICE FULL MOON POEM 

December 21, 1980 

--For Michael, as always 

White winter arms, carry the year. down 

Snow seeping dreams away--I lift. 

My voice, your name, candle 

to solstice moon-- 

There are questions 

of time 

of fear 

of speaking 

of leaving 

of loving too much, 

Too late-- 

Knowing 

Our. lives spin out separate threads, 

moons treaks 

Shadow of old trees 

This night 

Dancing 

on new snow, 

This night, longest lightest holy, 

Burns for you, unknown 

First Fire, my candle 

Mother's love. 

Marv Anne Cohen 

With love and best wishes for all your December 

holidays, to all lost mothers and children, with 

specia1,love to Lee, Carole, Carol G.., and Sandy 

for all they have done. 


A donation was sent by Jeanne M. Mayer, OR, who 

wrote, "This is in remembrance of the birth of my 

first son, Kevin, on November 14, 1966. Several 

months ago I met his wonderful adoptive parents. 

Now I'm looking forward to the day 'I will also be 

able to meet Kevin. In the meantime I wish him a 

happy fifteenth birthday .I1 

Another contribution was received, with this message, 

"Special thoughts for a happy summer to my 

first son Patrick Joseph Thaden, born January 31, 

1970, in Seattle, WA, .from your loving mother, 

Alanna Thaden Hartzell . 'I 

Dorothy Dunlap, CA, sent a contribution to share 

the joy of learning her daughter's amended name 

on August 17, 1981.

A donation was received with the following note, PITFALL OF SEARCH: THE RELATIONSHIP BEm 

"In honor of M. L. Meyers who gave me life. Don't 

TWEEN SEARCHER AND SPOUSE 

be afraid--just register! Love, P. G. Meyers, MSv 

In honor of their*daughterls birthday, a contribution 

was sent by Lyn and Jeff A., who wrote, "Honoring 

Mary Elizabeth, born 11-14-66 in Jackson, NS. 

Until we meet again, happy 15th birthday, we love 

you, your birthparents. " 

"Happy birthday to my only- child, James Edwin, 

born October 11, 1958 in Minneapolis, MN. May he 

someday know how very much I have always loved 

him, and that my one wish in life is to be'a part 

of his life again. I hopeand pray that somewhere 

in his heart he will 'one day share my wish. 

Barbara Kay Dressel, Minneapolis,MNW 

LETTER FROM A MINOR ADOPTEE 

THOUGH SHE'S NOT A MEMBER OF CUB OR ORIGINS 

SUE GUSTAVSON SUBMITTED A STATFMENT FOR THE 

.ORIGINS PRESS CONFERENCE, SHE S A VERY 

WISE YOUNG WOMAN OF 122 AND AN ADOPTEE 

My name is Sue Gustavson. I'm 12 years old and an 

adoptee. I have met many birthparents who have a 

very deep love for their children that they placed 

for adoption. I understand their need to search 

for their children to find if they are alive and 

healthy. I, too, have needs to find my birthmother 

and I don't feel there should be any age limit for 

finding out a part of yourself and your heritage 

and that sealed adoption records should be open. 

I, myself, am searching for information about my 

birth family and my parents are supporting and 

helping me in the best ways they can to accomplish 

this. My parents and 1 all love each other very 

much and I am very thankful that they understand 

why I want to fulfill my needs. It's not that I'm 

unhappy with my family and want to search. I AM 

happy with the life I lead now with them, but I 

need to know certain things that are important to 

me such as my medical background and most of all 

out of curiosity. Both of my brothers have 

searched for and found their birthmothers and they 

are all happy. This didn't seem to do any damage 

to anyone and in my point of view it probably did 

them some good just to know who brought them into 

this world. I feel that there shoul.dn' t be any 

type of law preventing me from knowing the biological 

side of me. 

I wish that my birthmother would search for me, 

and I hope that she shares the same feelings as I 

do. If she is searching for me now, I wonder who 

will find the other first. Either.way is suitable 

for me. 

EVERY MAN HAS HIS SECRET SORROWS WHICH THE 

WORLD KNOWS NOT, OFTEfl TIMES WE CALL A MAN 

COLD, WHEN HE IS REALLY SAD' --Longfell ow 

THE FOLLOWING IS EXCERPTED FROM THE 

SOUTHNEST MISSOURI ADULT ADOPTEES NEWS- 

LETTER, IT WAS WRI.TTEN BY SALLY FILE, 

OPERATION IDENTITY, NEW MEXICO ABOUT" 

ADOPTEES AND THEIR SPOUSES, BIRTHPAR- 

ENTSj THOUGHJ WILL SEE THEIR OWN SPOUSE 

PROBLEMS ECHOED HERE, 

I' 

Telling me you want to search for a woman who 

disappeared when you were born is like announcing 

you're going to jump off a bridge into deep 

water with your hands tied behind your back and 

you want me to come along," said one husband. 

During a search, the relationship between an 

ad~ptee and his or her spouse undergoes an emotional 

upheaval. The adoptee is changing and 

will never be the person he or she was before 

the search began. It takes time to assimilate 

the emotions s/he is going through. he is 

shocked when the anger s/he has repressed since 

childhood bursts forth during this search. 

needs loving care and understanding--at a time 

when s/he isn't lovable. S/he is struggling to 

absorb a new self image, and that image keeps 

changing. S/he needs emotional support and no 

one can get near enough to help. he is distant, 

preoccupied and so obsessed with the 

search, s/he might as well be living in the 

attic.. 

he 

Of this period, one husband complained to his 

wife, "Things ceased at home. You were so involved 

with these people, you totally dropped 

everything else. You got farther and farther 

away' from home. You disappeared. You were 

working night and day to find these people and 

when you found them, you had a whole new family, 

and you didn't have time for the.old one. 'I His 

wife said, "That must have been awful. I' 

Ye thought a minute and said, "Well, it was 

lonesome. A lot of times it was like living 

alone. -You know the first part of our married 

life you were preoccupied with your adoptive 

parents so I thought there was a possibility you 

would start all over again and be that involved 

with your birth parents. I I 

If a spouse has lost his mother there may be a 

jealousy over the adoptee finding a new mother. 

Or there may be added joy in sharing this new 

mother. 

Betty Jean Lifton speaks of the stages of search, 

"At the tl-rreshold, when one is just beginning and 

can think of nothing else; in the state of limbo, 

when all leads seem futile or when the terror of 

what is on the other side of the veil is immobilizing. 

And the stage when an adoptee trembles on 

the brink of what we call reunion. One's spirits 

alternately soar and dive as one makes progress 

and then hits a dead end, as one feels positive 

about what one is doing and then is overwhelmed 

with guilt, as one believes that everything is 

possible and then is overcome with frustration,

UP AND DOWN on this emotional roller coaster-- 

ELATED/DEPRESSED, COURAGEOUS/FEARFUL, MATURE/ 

CHILDLIKE, CONFIDENT/HOPELESS. A drunken ride. 

Some jump off, but most try to hold on until it 

arrives at its predestined last stop, which was 

also its starting point. I' 

One husband told his adoptee wife, "The closer 

you got to finding your mother, the more I worried 

about how you'd handle a rejection after the rejection 

you'd felt all your life. There's something 

about an adoptee that needs protecting and I 

felt hurt and frustrated when I couldn't protect 

you. I was frightened for you. I was frightened 

for me. And I was frightened for the woman you 

were looking for. In fact there were times I was 

more worried about her than I was about you. We 

didn't know if she had (other) children, and if 

she did, if they knew about this. I was afraid 

this was something she'd kept quiet about and I 

didn't want to mess it up. 

"I worried that you might dig up something that 

could rattle your cage more than being adopted. 

You could feel rejected more than ever. What happens 

to you, in a sense happens to me. I had visions 

of things that could go wrong. Knowing we 

could hurt this woman made me very uneasy. How 

could we live with the knowledge we'd upset someone's 

life. 

"The way you went about it was extremely important. 

Remember how you worked for two weeks on 

the letteryou were going to send her so if somebody 

found it they wouldn't know what you were after? 

I think we were both afraid of the same 

things and in our anxiety we snarled and snapped 

at each other constantly. We were both up tight. 

1t's hard to live with an adoption secret all your 

life, How could we be anything but uptight when 

we were so close to finding out why it all happened? 

"biy big fear was what would happen between you and 

me if you found something that disturbed you even 

more than the unknown we'd always lived with. II 

Sometimes a spouse resents this birthmother who 

once. (seemed to have) rdjected his mate. 

Sometimes he resents the search that's turned his 

life upside down, made his meals late and caused 

his favorite shirt to be in the dirty clothes 

when he wants to wear it. This search that's 

turned his wife's attention to a stranger. 

In her book Lost and Found, Betty Jean Lifton says, 

. 

"I was fortunate in that my husband had empathy 

for my need to know my origins and shared every 

stage of the search with me. However, I have 

heard of husbands and wives who feel threatened by 

their mate's self-absorption, their disappearing 

alone into a territory where they cannot follow. 

The phantom parent can assume the dimensions of a 

rival since he or she id draining off so much of 

the adoptee's emotions. II 

Some marriage partners identify with their in-laws 

and believe the adoptee is being ungrateful to 

them. Others not close to their own families, may 

try to belittle the quest. A few get tired of the 

subject upstaging them for so long and take lovers 

as a way of reasserting their own needs. 

Adoptees who get support from their spouses find 

that their marriages are strengthened. It is liberating 

to be able to express their dreams and 

fears without guilt. The spouse becomes a protector, 

who goes to battle for the adoptee, righting 

past wrongs. As one husband said, "How can I not 

be involved? 1'm in the fallout area. 11 

Ms. Lifton says, "It is often the wife who awakens 

the adoptee husband to his need to know the heritage 

of their children. She is amazed that he has 

so little curiosity on the subject, and 'finds herself 

stirring him up whenever she gets the chance. 

She may do the necessary research wl~ile he is at 

work, and even attend adoptee meetings for him. 

II 

I-lowever, some women may begin to regret the quest 

once their husbands become obsessed with it. They 

had not suspected the depth of emotions that would 

be released, and the endless preoccupation with 

it--that it would cause their husbands to relive 

It's expected the adoptive family may feel. threatthe 

repressed childhood pain and fury. At times 

ened and may not understand their child's decision 

it seems they have been dropped for another woman-- 

to search. The adoptee's natural instinct is to 

a woman they resent for failing their husbands 

protect them from hurt. But it's a surprise to 

twice, as babies and now--a woman whose mystery is 

find the adoPtee's 

threatened too' 

too deep to compete with, and whose influence they 

A spouse may fear, however unreasonable it sounds, 

will have to wait out.ll 

that the adoptee will be so taken with the new 

family, s/he1l1 forsake the old. To the adoptee With the reunion the intensity of the search gradthe 

idea is ridiculous. To the spouse it may be a ually subsides and the c ouple who leaped off the 

frightening possibility. Once the adoptee finds bridge together surfaces. They look to one another 

the birth family, the emotion is overwhelming. - 

he wants to tell the world of this marvelous 

for reassurance and swim toward shore. 

Sally File, Operation Identity, 13101 Blackstone, 

happening. Talks of nothing else. The spouse is NEJ Albuquerque, NM 87111. 

apt to feel cast aside and as rejected as the adoptee 

once felt. 

......................................... . 

As one spouse complained to his wife, "It's like 

you temporarily moved away and you check in now 

and then to see if you have any mail. 'I AT $1 EACH FROM HEADQUARTERS, PLEASE SPEC- 

"I was transported," said the adoptee. IFY THE MONTH AND YEAR OF EACH ISSUE YOU 

I I So it seemed," said the spouse. 

BACK ISSUES OF THE NElIJSLETTER ARE AVAILABLE 

WOULD LIKE TO ORDER,

I 

I 

FOR MICHAEL OF SOMEDAY 

I'm looking for a 

Sonteda y 

when you and I can be together 

I~cfore God, 

I)f?f.'ore all 

, who have yearned for you with me, 

before all 

who have taken you 

from me, 

r think of it as heaven 

in this world 

or the next 

to hold you with my smile, 

to kiss you with my joy, 

to touch you with my heart 

once again 

and 

forevermore. 

But I'm hiding from a 

Someday 

because I could not bear it 

if you turned away, 

then I could not reach you, 

or 

if 1 reached you 

and it hurt you to know me, 

then that would hurt me too, 

then I would feel 

alone, 

and if you could not forgive 

me (as I cannot forgive myself), 

for letti YOU 90 

even though 

I could not/would not believe 

that you don't need me, 

then what would happen 

to the part of me that I 

have saved for you? 

Maybe I'd die, 

or worse, I'd survive 

as I did before I found you, 

but I didn't know I'd 

be paralized.. .until the fear 

has lifted. 

FOR MICHAEL 

You were new and small, 

strong and fine, 

a chi1 d of the universe, 

a child of mine, 

always loved, my first born son, 

you have bloodlines before you, 

generations to come. 


The holiday season is here once again. For me, and I'm 

sure for many of you, it is the most painful time of the 

year and the hardest to get through because'holidays are 

traditionally occasions for families to gather together 

and reaffirm their love and unity. For those who cannot 

share holiday joy with those they most love, the season 

seems to drag endlessly, day after depressing day. 

We are constantly aware of the place that is not set at 

the festive table, the gifts that are not wrapped and 

waiting under the tree, the laughter we will not hear 

when presents are opened, the hugs we cannot give, the 

many family traditions that are not shared by every family 

member. It can be a schizophrenic time of feeling 

overwhelmed by the frief of our loss while we try to 

maintain 

. . a cheerful exterior :for the sakes of our loved 

ones who are with us, because even as we grieve for our 

lost children, we treasure our other children and want 

to make the season special for them. 

We look back and discover that, somehow, we have survived 

another long year of separation. We look forward 

too. Will this be the year we are made whole again, or 

will it be another agonizing,year of marking time, of 

worried waiting, of spinning dreams and fearing nightmares? 

Will this be the year you find your child? Will 

it be the year I talk with mine? 

As we look both'backward and forward in our own lives, we 

also look at what has happened for CUB in the last year, 

and what we would like to see in the year ahead, Where 

do we want CUB to go? What can we do to accomplish that? 

Many of us resolve to channel the time and money we would 

have spent on our lost children, if they were with us, 

into CUB projects to aid other birthmothers or to help 

prevent vulnerable families from being separated. We resolve 

to \;rite letters to legislators, magazines, television 

stetions, and pen pals. We resolve to take copies 

of Choices, Chances, Changes to clinics, schools, libraries, 

doctors' offices, and agencies in our communities 

to encourage giving today's young mothers the chance we 

didn't have. We resolve to do whatever we can to change 

our world and make it a better place for all families. 

We resolve to live with truth in our lives, and to show 

others the truth about adoption. 

This has been the biggest issue of the Communicator yet, 

because we have much to consider. There are major challenges 

ahead, and we need the commitment of each CUB member 

in order to meet them. When I see the progress we 

have made and the public's growing understanding of us 

and our children, I have faith that we will meet the 

challenges of the future, through our combined efforts. 

Before I run out of space, I want to wish you happy holidays, 

with the hope that we may all someday be able to 

share our love with every member of our families. 

23 

Carole Anderson, Editor, IA

MY FAMILY-THE ROOTS OF MY MY FAMILY-THE ROOTS OF MY MY FAMILY-YOUR BIRTH FAMILY 

LIFE-A PERSONAL RECORD, is de- LIFE-A PERSONAL RECORD FOR -THE ROOTS OF YOUR LIFE-A 

signed to enable individuals to scribe their THE ADOPTEE, was adapted for those PERSONAL RECORD, is desrgned to 

family's genealogy, to bring about closer individuals whose family network includes enable birthparents to share the gellealogy 

relationships with their extended family mem- the adoption experience. The genealogy of and personal history of the adoptee's family 

bers, and to document the ancestral back- his adoptive family and his family of origin of origin, thlis assuring for their child the 

ground. may be scribed in one book, thus recording recording of his birth history and heritage. 

the coniinuity of his life. 

MYFAMILY-THEROOTS OF MYLIFE-A PERSONAL RECORD, the first of three MYFAMILY 

books, is now in its second printing. It has been well received by genealogical societies, researchers, and 

individuals who wish to record family histories. The author has spent many years creating a book that 

enables an individual to easily register the accomplishments of those who make up his family and nis 

ancestors. Each MY FAMILY book is carefully designed according to genealogical specificaticlns. The 

finest quality paper and binding is used to ensure permanency, and the books open flat for easy recording. 

Foster parents, social workers. family.therapists, counselors, and others in the helping professions will find 

the MY FAMILY books invaluable aids in providing a child with continuity in his life. When young people 

have a knowledge of and a common interest in their parent's background, their search for identity in th~s 

ever-changing world will lead them to a brighter future. 

llllll---ll.lllllllFIICICIII-IIIIII-III-lllnl-= 

Book 1: My Family--The Roots of My Life copies at $5.95 each = $ -.. 

Book 2: My Family-A Personal Record for the Adoptee copies at $5.95 each = $ 

Book 3: My Family-Your Birth Family copies at $5.95 each = $ - 

Total Amount Enclosed . . . , . . . . , . . . . . $ 

NAME - - -- -- 

ADDRESS -- - - .- . - - 

cln - - - STATE ZIP - --.- 

/ "-.- 

MAIL ORDER TO: CONCERNED UNI'TED BIRTHPARENTS, INC. '. 

MY FAMILY BOOKS 

- 

P.O. Box 23641. L'Enfant Plaza Station 

- Washington, D.C. 20024 

Pr~ce includes handling and postage Enclose order form wtth check or money order payablc to C(>nc.crt~rd I !n~ttd 

1 Family Books. Please do not send cash C.0.T) ilrde1.s cannot be acccpt~?d. Allov: 4 weeks for del~vcry 

Birflll~wrt,~~ts. 

lnc..- M y

CUB'S 18 SERVICES 

B.E.T. ON YOUNG PARENTS PROGRAM: ~ilo't program in CUB'S Dover, New Hampshire office offers business 

education and training to pregnant teens and young parents. 

BIRTHPARENT ADVOCACY: Confronting your adoption agency or court of jurisdiction for justice? We offer 

our manual, A Helping Hand, a collection of sample letters and court petition. A very helpful 

document, it is free to each paid CUB member. Others, send $3.00 to Headquarters. 

CONSULTANT SERVICES FOR PROFESSIONALS: On the CUB staff are experienced, educated and aware persons 

who can ably evaluate and make suggestions on your materials and programs. Send Headquarters a brief 

description of your needs. Purchase of service will be required. 


want to lend to someone who is pregnant the kind of help only one who has been there can give? Contact 

our CUB Sister Coordinator (address on back page) for more information. 


young, single, or troubled pregnant women and their partners. CUB will help those who are contesting 

surrenders taken under fraud and duress. Contact Linda Scrivens at Headquarters. 


growth sessions for adoption and mental health practitioners, Purchase of service is required. Contact 

Headquarters. 

LEGISLATION: Our monthly newsletter, the Communicator, keeps you abreast of adoption legislation under 

consideration in most states around the country. Send our Legislative Reporter Pat Palmer (whose 

address is on the back cover) copies of proposed changes in your local law. CUB members will help! 

LIAISON SERVICES FOR MEMBERS: Often members know the name and address of their adoption counterpart 

(obtained as a personal venture, since CUB is not a search group) and ask us to act as liaison. While 

we cannot assume any responsibility for the outcome, CUB does have experienced, caring liaisons who 

will help in this capacity. Send Headquarters a brief letter and we'll forward it to a liaison with 

whom you can negotiate method of contact, preferred subsequent communication, and payment of expenses, 

if any. 

LIAISON SERVICES FOR PROFESSIONALS: As above. However, purchase of services will be required. 

MEDIA RESOURCE; By responding to inquiries from media, countless publications, television and radio 

stations, CUB has been able to educate the public about the trauma of birthparenthood. If you are a 

journdlist or producer, contact headquarters and we'll put you in touch with the people an! information 

you need to put together an informative piece. 

MEETINGS: Meetings are held wherever there is a CUB branch. Sometimes branches hold small group 

meetings in outlying areas. Occasionally, representatives hold meetings too. See back cover. 

NEWSLETTERS: Funds (and energy) permitting, we issue 12 newsletters per year. Our subscribers report 

it to be the best in the adoption reform movement! Back issues are $1.00 from Headquarters. 

PEN PALS: Paid CUB members are entitled to be matched with someone with whom they might wish to 

communicate on a more personal basis. Complete the coupon within our introductory newsletter, or 

send a brief note to Headquarters (to be matched privately) or to Carole Anderson (if you would 

like your request printed in the newsletter). 

REUNION REGISTRY: Many thousands of family members separated by adoption or divorce or similar situations 

have registered their birth statistics with us in the hope their counterpart also registers. 

We've been fortunate to match up many in our registry. To join, send to Headquarters your one-tine 

only registration fee of $5.00. 

RESEARCH: Research on birthparenthood is underway. We will consider other serious research projects. 

Send details to Headquarters so that we can determine whether we could participate in yours. 

SEARCH REFERRAL: If you feel you have worked through your conflicts and are ready to search, we 

will be happy to refer you to a search group. Free to CUB members. Others,,please send a donation 

so this service can continue for other non-members. 


students, sociology students, and other related fields. A speaker's fee is required. Please make 

arrangements through your local CUD leader (see back cover) or Headquarters. 

SUPPORT FOR ADOPTION RELATED DIFFICULTIES: With the exception of search methods, no subject is 

taboo at CUB meetings or in the newsletter. If you feel birthparenthood has left its mark in terms 

of frigidity, infertility, substance abuse, child abuse, you-name-it, let's talk about it. Looking 

for ideas on how to contact, come out of the closet, approach adoption professionals? We are here 

to help you grow in understanding yourself and in reconciling with your past and your child. 

I 

I 

RIGHT TO SEARCH FUND FOR SUPPORTING LUCE PARE 

I PLEASE MAKE CHECK OR MONEY ORDER PAYABLE TO RIGHT TO SEARCH FUND AND MAIL TO: 

I 

I 

I 

I 

I 

I RIGHT TO SEARCH FUND, P.O. BOX 1, BOUND BROOK, NJ 08805. Send your donation now! I 

I 

I 

I 

I - 

I 

I // Yes! I want to stand behind Lucy and the Right to Search for separated family I 

I 

I members. Endlosed is my contribution of $ 

I 

I 

I 

I 

Your name 

Mailing address 

City, state, zip 

I 

I 

I - 

I 

I 

I 

I 

I 

I 

I 

I 

I 

I 

I 

I

DONATING? 

Your donation can make a difference by allowing CUB to develop and provide the infomation and materials 




Gifts 

1-13 Vinyl bumper sticker: "Birthparents care.. .foreverw. aN.00 

I2 Engraved Contribution Card honoring a beloved on a special occasion; to be mailed now or saved for 


listed in the "Hope and Happiness" column in the Communicator, be sure to specify how you would lilte it 

to appear and whether to use full names. Minimtlm separate donation of $5.00- 

n .- Package of 20 Foldover Notes imprinted with the C.U.B. logo, $5.00 donation. 

Ci Yellow T-shirts with C.U.B. logo and words, "Birthparents Care.. .Foreverw $6 .fK' 

Literature 

i3 Birthmark, by birthmother and journalist, Lorraine Dusky. In love with a married man and committed 

to her career, Lorraine, at first. wanted an abortion she couldn't get. Thankful now, Lorraine describes the 

power of in-womb bonding. $ I Would Have Searched Forever, by Sandra Kay Musser, C.U.B. Vice President and Branch Administrator. 

A book revealing one birthmother's true story. $8. 00 

(-1 m-.. Lost and Found by Betty Jean Lifton. a noted adoptee/author's synopsis of the adoption experience. $5.00 

' rl 

:-I My Family, genealogically designed "scrapboolr" for non-adoption persons. $5.95 

'5 My Family, genealogically designed "scrapbook" for adoptees. $5.95 

'Z My Family, genealogically designed "scrapbooit" for birthparents, to complete now to preserve their 


,--. 

.., Orphan Voyage, Mother of the adoption reform movement. Jean Paton . writes this historical account 


' ' 

L_- "The Social Worker's Role in Adoption", article by Carole Anderson, CUB Vice Pre'sident and newlettcr 


,-.-. 

i..~ 

Our booklet, Understanding the Birthparent. 24 birthparents convey a vivid insider's view of surrenclering 


' To purchase My Fanlily books. send your order separately to: My Family Books, P.O. Box 23641. 

I 

I..'Enfant Plaza Station, Washington. D.C. 20024. 

J O I N I N G ? 

Voting Members; Birthparents only, Entitled to all services, voting privileges, one-year subscription to the 

riewsletter. - .4nnual dues $15.00: Lifetime Dues $150.00. 

Auxiliary Members: Non-birthparetits who support our goals, professionals interested in increasing their 

tinderstailding. Enlitled to all services: invited to critique, one-year subscription to the newsletter. Annual 

clues $15.00; Lifetime Dues $150.00. 

1-OREIGNERS: Add$5.00 to cover additional postal costs. 

Free to each member. one copy of our pamphlet. "The Birthparent Perspective", with more information on 

CUR, adoptions past and future, teen pregnancies ilnd sex education: and to voting members, one copy of 

our "Helping liand", a tool for working with agencies and the courts, (see also "Donating?").

NATIONAL HEADQUARTERS: CUB, INC. r P .ROX 573, MILFORD, MA 01757 (603) 749-3744 

CUB OFFICERS 

Lee H. Campbell Carole Anderson Sandra K. Musser , Gail M. Hwssen Susan Daggett 

President Vice President, Vice President, National Secretary National Treasurer 

C/O HQ Public Education Branch Administration c/o HQ address below 

1141 Independence Box 156 

.- Waterloo, IA 50703 Oaklyn, NJ 08107 

CUB LEADERS 


Legislative Reporter 

and Newsletter Distributor 

213 S.W. Flynn Drive 

Ankeny, IA 50021 

Carol Gustavson 

Liaison Committee Chairperson 

c/o HQ 

Linda Scrivens 

Family Advocacy 

c/o HQ 

Charleen Justice 

CUB Sister Coordinator 

Stonybrook 212-D 

Deptford, NJ 08096 

BOARD MEMBERS 

Carole Anderson 

Pamela Bolduc 

Lee Campbell 

Mickey Carty 

Susan Daggett 

Donald DiGuisseppe 

Carol Gustavson 

Gail Hanssen 

Roy Hanssen 

Charleen Justice 

Bobby Lyman 

Patricia Murphy 

Sandra Murphy 


Patricia Patti 

Mary Jo Rillera 

Kathy Sawyer 

Dr. Phyllis Silv erman 

Sandee Tuccio 

REPRESENTATIVES, 

JOB DESCRIPTION: Educator of CUB and birthparenthood within 100 

mile radius of area. Does not handle money or keep books. 

QUALIFICATIONS: Energetic, articulate, resourceful; willing to 

solicit to media coverage; to adhere to CUB goals & philosophy; 

to make a 2 year commitment to the positio~~. This was created 

for individuals who do not yet have a core group to form a branch. 

BRANCHES 

JOB DESCRIPTION: Educator of CUB and birthparenthood 

within 100 mile radius of area and provider of services 

for birthparents. 

QUALIFICATIONS: As stated under Representatives. Also 

five area membc?rs, three of whom are willing to as- 

sume 2 year positions of Coordinator, Secretary, and 

Treasurer. Must sign a Petition for Branchhood. 

IOWA . . 

ALASKA Vicki Adams NORTH CAROLINA 

CALIFORNIA WASHINGTON, D.C./MD/VA 

Jana Vee Shedlock 4510 N. Linwood Stacy S. Miller Kathy Sly Carol Jean Setola 

7105 Shooreson Circle Davenport, IA 52804 4916 Brentwood Road 

7571 Westminster Ave. 12709 Prospect Knolls 

Bowie, MD 20715 

Jnchorage, AK 99504 . LOUISIANA - Durham, NC 27713 Westminster, CA 92683 

FLORIDA 

CALIFORNIA Claudia Smith OHIO 

Randee Benson P.O. Box 154 Darla Burrier 

Barbara McGee 

8257 Greenleaf Circle 

p.0. Box 15398 LaPlace, LA 70068 26 Laurel Dr. 

REG I ONAL COORDINATORS 

San Diego, CA 92115 wm Pataskala, OH 43062 . Tampa, FL 33615 

- 

CALIFORNIA Carol Hooper OHIO 

MASSACHUSETTS REGIONI: MA, CT, NH, RI, VT, ME, 

Quebec 1 New Brunswick 

Melanie Williams RFD 2 Carol-Kay Thompson also serving VT, RI, ME Patricia Murphy 

1209 Belcamp Street Hilton's Lane P.0. BOX 65 

Libbi Campbell 

P. 0. Box 396 CUB 

Ei0 Li No. Berwick, ME 03906 Amherst, OH 44001 

nda, CA 95673 

- Cambridge, MA 02138 Iiarvard Square Station 

COLORADO MICHIGAN SOUTH CAROLINA 

- Box 369 

Joyce Villanueva Debbie Bryan Carolyn Piekielniak MIMiESOTA Cambridge, MA 02144 

p.0. Box 22904 1201 So. Hanover St. 2009 Center Sp. Rd. 

Pamela Bolduc 

- 

Hastings, MI 49058 Box 33222 REGION 11: NJ, OH, PA, VA, WV, 

Denver, CO 80222 

Edgefield, SC 29824 

- - - 

Minneapolis, MN 55433 DE, DC, NY, MD 

CONNECTICUT MICHIGAN PENNSYLVANIA Ms. Mickey Carty 

Donna Mocarsky Mary Scholten Sandy Musser NEW JERSEY 2707 S. G Street 

Julie Bissey Richmond, 

Box 526 ,633 E. 

IN 47374 

11th Street Box 156 

P.O. Box 115 

Rocky Hill, CT 06067 Holland, MI 49423 Oaklyn, NJ 08107 

REGION 111: NC, SC, TN, FL, AL, 

- Haddon Hghts, NJ 08035 * 

DELAWARE MIMYESOTA PENNSYLVANIA GA; ~6, LA, AR 

OHIO 

Sandy Cox Robin Lee Ryant Chris Frank 

MS. ..Sandy Musser 

15 N. Stuyvesant Dr. star ~ t, 2, 233 2800 W. Chestnut Av 

Carol Colon Box 156 

Wilmington, DE 19809 Hibbing, MN 55746 Altoona, PA 16603 P.O. BOX 424 Oaklyn, NJ 08107 

Perrysburg, OH 43551 

FLORIDA NEVADA VIRGINIA REGION IV: MN, KY, IN, MI, IL, 

Br--da Rodriguez Cheryl E. Kirker Susan Fuller OHIO MO, IA, WI 

455 Branan Field Road 320 vandalin street 1304 Poco Dr. Martha McCann Ms. Pamela Bolduc 

Richmond, VA 23235 

148 E. Hillcrest Ave. BOX 33222 

Dayton, OH 45405 

Minneapolis, MN 55433 

GEORGIA 

NEW HAMPSHIRE 

WISCONSIN 

PENNSYLVANIA 

Joann Howard Susan Daggett Joan Arnette REGION V: TX, NM, OK, CO, NE, WY, 

Vickie Heid 

3374 Aztec Rd, Apt 35C pa 0. 64 R. #1 

KS, SD, HD, Saskatchewan 

2396 liighlmd hve. 

Doraville, GA 30340 Merrimack, 03054 Cameron, WI 54822 

Ms. Kathy Sawyer 

- Allison Park, PA 15101 CUB 

IDirHO NEW YORK WISCONSIN Box 1527 

Carol Bugni Janet Scarpati Mimi Notestein 

Kathy Sawyer Plano, TX 75074 

Box 5202 25 Nagle Ave. 2977 N. Bartlett #36 - 

Box 1527 

Boise, ID 83705 New York, NY 10040 Milwaukee, WI 53211 REGION VI: CAI AZ, NV, ID, MT, WA, 

Plmo, TX 75075 OH, U'T, 111, AK, Albertil, Bri-tish 

ILLINOIS NEW YORK Columbia, Guam 

Gail Smith 

Eileen Smrnnrone 

Janice flargus 

Sandee Tuccio 

1504 Harrington Dr. 2 Stemmer Lane Box 42587 9893 Continental Drive 

.Champaignl IL 61820 surfern, NY 10901 

- Houston, TX 77042 Huntington Beach, CA 92646 

MEMBERS; 

WOULD-BE LEADERS: Write to your area's Regional Coordinntor at address above. 

If you live within 100 miles of a Branch, do send it your dues; tl~ey use half to meet area needs. 

* 

Others, send to HQ.

Concerned United Birthparents CUB - MA ~ Pg 243-342 - triadoption

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