A Parent’s Role in Career Choices

The sheer variety in career options available to today’s youth is mind-boggling!
From sound engineering to writing, cryptology to design; from maths-based
careers to one based on the life sciences – we have covered all this and more
in past issues of the magazine, and will be bringing you many more! But this very
choice can be bewildering to parents who have grown up with more restricted
options, leaving both them and their children to confront a maze of decisions,
dilemmas and simply, lack of sufficient information.
ParentEdge spoke to Dr. Vikram Ramakrishnan, the CEO and
Founder of the Pathways Program (http://pathwaysprogram.in),
to ask him to light the way ahead and advice parents on how to
guide their children in their career choices.
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The Pathways Program is an education
services enterprise that provides career
guidance and skill development programmes
to high school and college students.
More than 5000 students are enrolled
in The Pathways Program across schools
in Hyderabad, Chennai, Coimbatore and
Bangalore. Pathways also contributes a
regular bimonthly column – Road Map – to
the Education Plus supplement of The Hindu.
Dr. Ramakrishnan believes that career
guidance is not just about helping a student
choose between science and commerce or
the right college. It should actually help
students understand what working involves,
analyse their interests and strengths, and
then choose a career that is right for them.
When high-schools students are deciding
which area of study to pursue at the
undergraduate level, who or what
influences this decision – peers, parents,
or teachers?
Parents continue to be the key influencers
of this decision. If not parents, it could
be other members of the larger family like
uncles/aunts or in some cases, friends of
parents. Peers are next. Teachers actually
play a minimal role.
What role do parents play in influencing
their children’s choice of career today?
Most parents have a plan in mind for
their children. The roles played could
be proactive, where the parent acts as a
facilitator and helps the child understand
the options available, or reactive where
not much time and thought is given to the
decision. Ideally, parents should discuss
this in depth with their children, and
the specifics of the situation should be
addressed. Let me explain the two roles by
talking about two situations and the types
of interchange that can occur:
facts. On probing, it is clear that the son’s
sudden interest in medicine was influenced
by a television serial (Grey’s Anatomy).
But unfortunately what is shown in these
serials is not the real picture of healthcare.
The father wants his son’s decision to be
based on an informed view of a career in
medicine and not by the glamour of what’s
shown on television. Hence, he arranges
a six-week programme for his son, where
the latter shadows doctors and tries to
understand the ‘real world’ of medicine. In
this case, the parents are helping the child
understand specifics of the career so he can
make an informed decision.
Example 2 – reactive/bad conversation:
Father – Son, do engineering.
Son – I am not interested in engineering.
Father – What do you want to do?
Son – I don’t know ….
Father – Then do engineering!
In today’s world, the roles parents play
have to expand and more time should
be devoted to career-choice discussions.
There is a pressing need to increase ‘good
conversations’!
In your opinion, to what extent should
a parent influence a child’s choice of
career?
Parents have to play a major role as the
role of school teachers in our country is
minimal, unlike in the west where schools
have a counsellor who assists considerably
in the process. Since this is not a
straightforward decision to make, getting
it right is important. It is the parent’s
duty to present all the variables to their
children, have a frank discussion about
their financial assets and investments, and
explore and understand the child’s interest
and strengths. Sufficient time should be
invested in structured discussions.
Example 1 – proactive/good conversation:
A parent who is running a flourishing
business may not immediately warm up
to the idea of his son doing medicine.
However, instead of dissuading the son,
the father seeks to ensure that he makes a
fully informed decision based on the right
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Are parents more accepting of children’s
interest and choices, especially when
they are not mainstream?
Parents today have definitely become
more accepting of children’s choices.
The definition of mainstream itself has
broadened! Even until just 15 years ago,
children could choose only between
engineering, medicine or commerce, but
now the definition of mainstream includes
Hotel Management, Human Resources
Management, Business Management, and
Languages – making a career as a translator
is well accepted. Parents see that there
are more options and also realise that they
may not be as informed as their children
about these choices – hence, they are
more willing to consider their children’s
decisions. Of course, there is still some
resistance to more unusual choices – if the
child says he wants to become an actor for
instance – as these still fall outside what
is defined as mainstream and parents are
concerned about the success of the child.
I think as long as parents see a ‘credible
plan of action’ they will be more accepting
of different choices.
Do you see a difference in the way
parents approach career choices in
metros vs. tier-2 towns?
In metros, parents (and children) have
access to a wider variety of people in
different careers. Hence, their awareness
levels are higher than those from smaller
towns and they, therefore, tend to be more
open. However, the approach to selecting
a career is not significantly different – in
both regions, there is an overwhelming
importance placed on the selection of the
course and college, and less on the actual
career the child is going to pursue.
Could you name a few factors that
influence a parent’s choice? Do you find
these reasonable?
• Familiarity with the choice, their
experience or a friend’s/family
member’s experience: For example,
a family of doctors may not resist too
much if their child wants to become
a chartered accountant, as they may
be aware of many successful chartered
accountants.
• Successful role models: If parents are
not familiar with the child’s choice,
they will look for successful role
models in that field.
• The parents’ own unfulfilled dreams:
For example, compelling their child
into a career in sports; or if their
own choice of career has made them
unhappy, this will prompt them to
discourage the child from choosing
the same.
Finances are not seen as an influencer,
but more as a constraint; and there
are numerous ways to overcome these
constraints. For example, an expensive
professional degree need not be the only
path to become an Investment Banker or
a Brand Manager – there could be other
paths. In many cases, once the child
is clear on what he wants to do, he can
identify different ways to get there!
Dr. Ramakrishnan recommends
three areas students and parents
should pay attention to when
investigating various career
options:
Interest: Check if interest
actually matches with what your
child intends to do – for example
in the case of medicine, is he
really interested in interacting
with people and helping them?
Skills: Does he have the
required skills, or the
opportunity to develop these
skills? What is required to be
successful as a doctor is different
from what is required to get
a medical college seat. For the
latter, you need to secure high
grades and score well in an
entrance test. But to become
a great surgeon, for example,
you need excellent hand-eye
coordination and fine motor
skills, the ability to work well
under pressure, empathy, and
good communication skills.
Lifestyle: Does his vision of
the lifestyle he envisages actually
match the career choice? For
example, if you become a
management consultant, you may
have to travel a lot and be away
from your family for a large part
of the week. Is this something
that he is prepared to do? So
your child may need to reconcile
his expectations to reality.
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R Sridhar, an innovation coach
based in Mumbai (and an expert
on the ParentEdge panel),
recently conducted a workshop
called ‘I WISH’ with students
of Grade 9. The workshop
facilitated a discussion on career
choices by helping students
understand their top five talents,
and then using these to explore
career options. His reflections
are captured below:
“Parents should play the role
of a facilitator. They need to
acknowledge that today’s
children could know much
more than they do. ‘I am the
parent and older, so I am
right’ is no longer valid! As a
facilitator, the parent should
first listen, without judging if
the child is right or wrong.
Children see the parents’
role as very important in the
decision-making process. So
we should avoid forcing them
into the dilemma of reconciling
their wishes with their parents’.
“Parents should understand
that the child is at a crossroads.
They don’t want to rebel, they
want a resolution. If they are
shown a reasonable way, which
stems from understanding, they
are willing to listen.”
What advice would you give parents on
being good facilitators in this process?
• Realise it is an important decision, and
be proactive and not reactive.
• Invest time and approach the
discussion in a structured manner. Do
not let it happen like the ‘flavour of
the day’; rather, get into specifics.
• Start the discussion early – in Grade 9,
as in our country the child has to make
a choice of subjects after Grade 10.
• Keep the channels of communication
open. Be accepting so that the child
can share hopes, fears and dreams with
you. This will help children be open
about their choices rather than simply
make statements which they think
their parents want to hear.
• Seek professional help to facilitate
the process better and do your best to
make children understand the ‘world of
work’.
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Learnings from a
Parent’s Journey:
Sudha Kumar, with a
daughter in Grade 11
Reassure your children that it’s fine to be
unsure: Some children are sure about what
they want to do while others are not. At this
stage, children can become anxious, especially
if their peers have clarity and they themselves
don’t. As parents, we need to assure them that
they still have time to make up their minds,
and it is more important to focus on doing well
at school at this stage.
Be open about the choices your children
make: The idea is to help your children explore
options. So, as wild as their choice may seem
to you, do not dismiss it offhand. Keep an
open mind and try and understand why they
are thinking about a particular area. A few
discussions can lend clarity to both the child
and you. She may either outgrow the idea or
identify new areas to explore; alternately she
may convince you on its merits!
Take outside help: As I knew next to nothing
about my child’s area of interest, I spoke to a
few people and set up a couple of meetings for
my daughter. This helped to give her a realistic
picture of what she could expect from her career.
Think of ways to ascertain interest: Many
children do not have the exposure to really
decide whether they are passionate about a
subject while they are in high school. So they
often simply pick subjects they do well in. No
harm in that, but it may also be good to explore
further by organising internships with friends/
family or asking the child to do a summer project
by choosing a topic from the area of interest.
Do your own research: One of the challenges
that parents face today is a lack of understanding
of the choices available. As your child approaches
high school, become well-informed yourself by
talking to people and reading a lot. Assimilate
what is before you so that when the time comes
you can actually facilitate the process.
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