1940 Magnet Yearbook

THE Gay NINETIES 95
smoking that chewing tobacco. 'Tain't
healthy! The girls run to pipes and seegars,
and the boys to Pittsburg Stogies.
__ ROMaNCE
Kissing is of course a very ticklish subject
(especially if the candidate has~'t
shaved for several days) and we admIre
the 'esprit de spree' with which this problem
was handled. We'll just quote. Edward
Safarian, "Silly unless courting". Mari?n
Quinn, "Kissing breeds germs". Al1Ita
Lehtonen, "I am disgusted by people who
neck to extremes". l\1ary Baird, "Cheep
(Oh yeah). Nice work if you can get it".
Sam;llY Lerner, "Best fun I've ever had!"
Paul Hammond - Censored by censor.
Voice of experience Jack Turner, "The
girls nowdays don't like it enough; but not
mine". l\!1arion Stamples, "\Voo \,,"OO!"
~1argaret Mitchell, "Never in public, in
priva.te optional". Others, "Never in
private". :'1ost people adhere to the
Greek philosophy of "Know thyself" and
"~othing in excess". Other factors depend
on time, place, who, etc. It is our duty to
remind you that since the war the government
authorities are censoring Post Office!
--
REFORMS
Keary didn't know this was a reform
school, but here goes. There is a landslide
in favour of a Wurlitzer in the auditorium
for dancing at n0011. Tt is felt that this
would be a pleasant diversion and would
also boost cafeteria sales. \Vho knows? Tt
might include dancing lessons. Boys and
airls want a mixed lunch-room and equal
b .
rights to use all doors. J\l11 vVoodhouse
demands that the postman remove his hat
on entering the school. \Ve have to. Student
government was well up in the polls.
__ PROBLEMS
Because of the numerous problems of the
"Great Unwashed" some will be answered
here.
Question-Mr. B. (Beta) wants to know
how to keep his girl-friend from the clutches
of Birman.
Answer-Get married!
Question-Miss Theta wishes to know if
boys kiss and tell.
Answer-If properly kissed they don't
dare tell!
Question-How do you kiss a girl goodnight?
Solution-The first step after securing
a date with the lit:t:le lady is to purloin the
family chariot, or failing this, obtain the
indulgence of a more fortunate friend who
is better equipped. Great care should be
taken in a case of this kind to get both of
you so involved that neither will breathe a
word.
Having paid the last instalment on the
tickets to the Jarvis dance, you are well on
the road to success. As for the dance itself,
we leave that to you. However, it is
advisable to pore over the Book of Knowledge
for some days beforehand (Dr.
Elliot's five-foot shelf is also recommended)
to provide yourself with suitable
topics - conversational 'hors-d'oeuvres' so
to speak. These should be withheld until
the small talk has died its unnatural death,
and after a pause of some minutes you propound
some amazing facts of the universe.
Your partner will be so captivated and
enthralled that she will be yours forever!
On the way home the conversation should
be of a sad romantic turn. Beethovan or
Schubert's romances are inspiring for their
pathos and touching harmony. Just as you
are saying good-night, ask her if she can
whistle the first three bars of the J arvis
song. There's your chance! Seize it! (if
she can't whistle, kiss her anyway).
REMARKS
The average age might be affected by the
fact that John Fraser Anderson wouldn't
(Continued on page 129.)