News & Views for Southern Sailors - Southwinds Magazine

NO BONES ABOUT IT
I have written you a couple of times over the years. Once,
about being stopped by a blacked-out Customs vessel, and
another time about a Lee County, revenue-collecting,
“speed trap.” This one happened quite a few years ago, but
serves to illustrate the mental capacity of some state
employees. While working on Hurricane Andrew recovery,
my boss and I decided to take a Sunday off and rented an
outboard boat out of Key Largo.
We didn’t have a cooler, so we “borrowed” a yellow
Igloo water cooler from the truck of one of our foremen who
went by the nickname “Bones.” Filling it with ice, beer and
sandwiches, we sent off for an idyllic day on Florida Bay.
Unfortunately, the weather was a little cool, so we
motored over and anchored in the lee of a small island in
Everglades National Park. We were sitting back in the sun
and out of the wind, when a Florida Marine Patrol boat
approached us (back when the Florida state marine patrol
was patrolling the waters before the FWC took over). He
was clearly out of his jurisdiction in the national park,
but we decided to humor him.
First it was lifejackets, then, horn, then smoke signals,
then throwable flotation device, which was inside the locker
of the center console. “I’m going to write you a ticket for
an inaccessible device,” he declared. We were anchored in
two feet of water!
I pointed out that he had single-handedly crossed three
miles of a choppy Florida Bay wearing a heavy belt loaded
with hardware, gun, handcuffs, radio etc. without a PFD in
sight on him, or in his boat. (I later found that this
was against his agency’s policy, which requires agents to
wear PFDs at all times on the water.) He then backed off
from his threats and was about to leave when he noticed
the name “BONES” stenciled on the water cooler.
“What are you doing with bones out here” he
demanded. No explanation suited him. Not until we had
unloaded the beer, ice, etc., did he back off and leave.
He has probably been promoted to colonel today, or
whatever ranks they have in the new agency.
Ken Clark
S/V Viva Yo
FISHERMEN’S VILLAGE
YACHT BASIN
Upper Charlotte Harbor, Punta Gorda, Florida
CALL FOR REDUCED WINTER RATES
(941) 575-3000
www.fishville.com
• 111 Slip Marina
• 33 Shops & 5 Restaurants
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• Dinghy & Courtesy Docks
Ken,
Hopefully, he has learned and matured and become a respectful
and thoughtful officer. But it seems some go the other way and
harden their attitudes even more. You never know. This was even
before the TV program Bones was on the air—a program, by the
way, that gave SOUTHWINDS its 15 minutes of national fame.
Or at least a few minutes towards that 15 minutes (see “From the
Helm” June 2011).
Thanks for a most enjoyable letter. No offense meant to the
good officers out there.
Editor
E-mail letters to:
editor@southwindsmagazine.com
News & Views for Southern Sailors SOUTHWINDS November 2011 11