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The Cranbrook Chronicle
FEATURE
From the stands
by Dugald Holloway and Tom Mahony
And Pigs Will Fly…
In recent times, reports of illegal
drug use, cheating and scandalous
behaviour in the sporting arena have
been prevalent, regularly making
headlines. This week, FTS takes a
look at some of the ‘best’ excuses
that athletes have given having tested
positive to a drug test. Outrageous,
absurd and utterly embarrassing
would be an accurate description of
some of the responses.
Dieter Baumann
Excuse: ‘They spiked my toothpaste.’
Baumann, a German athlete best known
for winning gold in the five thousand metre
race at the 1992 summer Olympics in Spain.
Seven years later he was found guilty of
using nandrolone, a steroid. His explanation
Someone spiked his toothpaste. As far-fetched
as it may seem, this excuse was actually
plausible and held for several weeks before he
was ultimately convicted.
Justin Gatlin
Excuse: ‘The masseur had it in for me and
rubbed testosterone cream into my legs.’
American sprinter, World and Olympic 100m
champion Justin Gatlin, failed his drug test
in 2006. His drug of choice was testosterone.
Gatlin was indignant and blamed it on his
masseur, Christopher Whetstine, who had
apparently rubbed a banned cream into his
buttocks without his knowledge. The backing
of his coach, Trevor Graham, notoriously
associated with doping, did little to help Justin
who was punished with a four-year ban.
Tyler Hamilton
Excuse: ‘An unborn twin lives inside me.’
The most farfetched excuse in this article and
most likely in the history of sport was put
Justin Gatlin
forward by Hamilton, an American cyclist in
2004. After testing positive to blood doping, in
a test that revealed someone else’s blood cells
within his body, he suggested that an unborn
twin resided within him. Whilst a ‘vanishing
foetus’ absorbing into the other foetus in the
womb isn’t unheard of in the medical world,
in this case, it was quite the tall tale. In 2011,
Hamilton finally admitted to doping and
also revealed much about his partner, Lance
Armstrong’s, drug habits.
Petr Korda
Excuse: ‘Too much veal parm.’
In 1998, Czech tennis player Korda
unexpectedly won the Australian Open,
however not so surprisingly six months later, he
tested positive to steroids. His excuse He just
loved veal and the calves he had been eating
were fattened with nandrolone. Unfortunately
for Korda, to have nandrolone levels that high
in his body he would have had to eat 40 calves a
day for 20 years.
The next excuse has nothing to do with this
athlete’s on-field performance…
LaShawn Merritt
Excuse: I wanted to perform better off the
track.’
Olympic gold medallist, American 400m
sprinter Merritt tested positive to the drug
dehydroepiandrosterone, which is found in an
over-the-counter penile enhancement ‘drug’
known as ‘ExtenZe’. Apparently, on the way
home from a night out with his girlfriend he
unknowingly picked up this drug in a product
he bought from a convenience store. The
product had previously intrigued him when an
advertisement for it had turned up in his spam
email box. Perhaps his response should have
been more along the lines of, ‘apologies, I was
trying to win more races,’-not so embarrassing.
In the end he was dealt a 21-month ban.
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Email: publications@cranbrook.nsw.edu.au
Portal Address: portal.cranbrook.nsw.edu.au
Chronicle team
The Fine Print Editors: Tom Gibson, Matthew Theophile
For the Lads Editors: Alexander Bogaty, Eddie Najm
Silver Lining Editors: James Broe, Jack Jahn
From the Stands Editors: Dugald Holloway, Tom Mahony
Focus Editors: Ben Grossberg, Max McGrath
Publication Editors: Ms Nisbet, Ms Duke, Ms Snowden
Layout Artists: Ms Brooks, Ms Hodgson
All material must be submitted in electronic form. The deadline is Tuesday 9.00am
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