Bar Supplement 2006 - The Gauntlet

GAUNTLET DRINKING SUPPLEMENT SEPTEMBER 07.06 B3
GITTIN’ URE DRINK ON
Hit the sauce before it hits
Hey Turds,
Rookie here, ready to tell you how it
is. Congrats if you’ve just graduated
high school, but what do you want
A Purple Heart
Too bad, here’s a diploma—I hear they can
be used as a pretty decent makeshift umbrella.
If you’ve already been here for a couple years
or been piddling about traveling or working
or some crap, good for you too. In any case,
school is about to begin and you’ll no doubt
be looking for a good waterin’ hole or twelve
to drown in after doing either really well or
really badly on any of the hundreds of quizzes,
assignments, papers and exams you’re about
to encounter. Hell, hopping into a pint glass
can even help celebrate a birthday, encourage
socialization, lead to intimate—but sloppy—
moments with members of the opposite sex
or even just help pass the time.
After four years of intensive research, I
believe I am qualified to take you on a journey
to the places where your only responsibility
is leaving an empty glass and a decent tip. At
each bar, you will notice footprints heading
inside. Sometimes there will be two sets of
footprints coming out, other times there will
be one set of footprints coming out. At times
when you see only one set of footprints coming
out, you had to carry my drunk ass.
Although choosing locations to have my
drunk ass carried out of wasn’t easy, my
mysterious mind mustered many. In the years
gone by, Gauntlet drinking supplements have
tried to cover everything, or focussed on a
specific drunken mission. This one—despite
my inability to do so—will be of the focussed
nature. While last year’s Pubs vs. Clubs and
2004’s thing about wings were enticing subjects,
I decided to steer this supplement in a
direction no man has ever been (at least since
2001): The Pub Crawl.
I’m not talking about those pub ‘crawls’
involving a pricey ticket and busses to shuttle
hundreds of drunks all over the city. For this
supplement we brought it back to the good
old days of 2001, when the Gauntlet was
embarking on the now retired Ralph Klein
Pub Crawl. Venture onwards and you will
find four quick and easy routes to literally
crawl with just a few friends and have the time
of your life.
However, before sending you on your way
I must remind you of the terrible repercussions
of whisking alcohol through the stomach
and intestinal walls. While waking up beside
a troll or feeling like shit the day following a
bender may seem severe enough punishment
for your indulgence, thank your lucky stars
that’s as bad as you’ve had it. Not knowing your
limits—or knowing but consistently pushing
them anyway—can result in a night’s stay in
the hospital as they pump your stomach after
diagnosing you with alcohol poisoning, a hefty
fine (see page 9) or even a night’s stay in prison
when the cops see you doing something daft.
Worse yet, alcohol causes a ridiculous number
of deaths due to over-consumption and
drunk driving. Finally, there are some crazy
long-term, alcohol-related health problems
you don’t want to deal with. So leave your
wheels at home and if a friend or bartender
is telling you to slow down, don’t be a hater,
drink more later.
That said, hopefully the following pages
inspire you to get out there and have a dozen
drinks. If not, I’ve probably already done it
for you anyway. Cheers!
Sean Nyilassy
2006 Drinking Supplement Editor
you
Are you
Content
Cover: Cover, dumbass
3: You’re lookin’ at her
4-5: Kensington pub crawl
The drinking team
Writers: Ændrew Rininsland, Emily Senger, Chris Beauchamp, Jon Roe, Kyle Francis
Photographers: Chris Tait, Ryan May, Ændrew Rininsland, Ben Hoffman, Dan Pagan
Drinking Support: Kenzie Love, Katherine Fletcher, Dale Miller, Ben Li, Laura Gerhardt, Jamie
Abernethy, Garth Paulson
Copyright 2006 Gauntlet Publications Society
7-9: C-Train Madness
11, 14: First St pub crawl
12-13: Seventeenth Ave
pub crawl