What's Inside? - The MOMpreneur

usiness
Coral Freedman, The Coralation Group
Permission-based resiliency
Each of us has times when things
don’t go the way we want them to
in business. We lose a key client, find out we
have a problem with production, or find a flaw
in our design that could potentially set us back
for months. Sometimes we have to deal with
much larger problems – the damages caused by
a fire or flood, for example, or even bankruptcy.
When big or small problems set us back, we
often find that our courage gets knocked out of
us. And for some, it’s not the problem we can’t
deal with, it’s our personal reaction to our own
feelings of sadness, overwhelm and fear that
causes us the most concern.
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine who had
been dealing with some career challenges told
me that she felt she might be in a bit of a funk.
“Well,” I said, “I guess if you are in a funk and
can recognize it then you have an opportunity
to decide whether it’s okay to be there for a
while or not. It’s when you don’t think you have
a choice that you have to worry. Would you like
me to check in with you in a few weeks”
Apparently, this response had a profound
impact on her.
She told me later that from my response,
she felt that she had permission to feel blue
about the situation she was dealing with. It was
suddenly okay to not be at her best all of the
time. That she wasn’t a failure just for having
these down feelings.
This made me wonder: Is resiliency – the
ability to bounce back after a challenge (and
hopefully to come back stronger) – really just
about giving yourself permission to live with
the low feelings until you choose otherwise
And what do you do if you’ve decided you’re
ready to bounce back, but you’re not sure
where to begin
Here are my suggestions:
1. Seek out people who’ve faced what
you’re facing and have gotten through it.
You are not the only person to lose a client
or go bankrupt. You want to surround
yourself with people who have thrived
after experiencing what you’re currently
going through. Talk to them about what
they did, how they felt, etc. Ask them what
they learned that they are now grateful for
about the experience. You are not alone.
2. Help someone who is less fortunate
than you are. By doing so, you focus on
what you have to be grateful for in your
life, rather than what you are missing. Yes,
you may be suffering a business crisis, but
you can be reminded that you have your
health, good friends, etc. by volunteering
to work with those who are less fortunate.
(A note here – choose a means of helping
people that will take your mind off of your
problems, not have you worry about your
ultimate fate. In the case of bankruptcy,
for instance, you might want to hold
premature babies in the hospital rather
than work with the homeless.)
3. Spend time with supportive
friends and mentors. Now is the
time to only give your attention to people
who are inspirational and supportive.
4. Fake it till you make it. I’m not
suggesting that you deny your feelings
to yourself. You may not be feeling 100
percent and you want to respect all of your
feelings. Rather, you want to continue to
do the things you normally do when you
are feeling positive and optimistic. If you
would normally go to a networking or
social event, then don’t skip it. If you have
a regular breakfast with a friend and don’t
feel like going, go anyway. Try and get
back to the routine you had before the
problem arose.
5. Remind yourself of why you first
got started in your business.
Think about what motivated you before
you were successful at all. This may be
enough to inspire you again. At the very
least, remind yourself that if you built it
once, you can build it again, only this time
your experience will make you faster and
you can avoid past mistakes.
6. Write a letter to yourself from
the future. Pretend it’s a year from
now and you are thriving. In the letter,
look back on the last year and tell yourself
what you learned from this experience
that allowed you to do even better. Tell
yourself what you’re grateful for about
the situation, and what steps you took to
get to this place. End by completing the
sentence, “If there was one thing I could
tell you to remember that would have
made this last year easier, it would be…”
7. Pay attention to your health.
This isn’t necessarily the time to start
training for a marathon. Now is the time
to practice extreme self care. Make sure
you get enough sleep. Give yourself time
to play and be creative. Do things that
make you feel good, whether you feel you
“deserve” them or not.
8. Breathe. Perform this exercise whenever
you start to get overwhelmed. Exhale as
much as you possibly can before inhaling
regularly, three times in a row. You will
feel better immediately.
When facing a tough business challenge,
most people think their only options are to give
up or to press ahead despite everything. I’d like
to believe that there’s a third option and that
you would do best to choose it. When faced
with a challenge that winds you for a moment,
you can give yourself permission to pause,
feel and float for a brief period of uncertainty
before moving forward in a way that allows you
to rebuild. And to me, this is what resiliency is
really about.
Coral Freedman is the founder of the Coralation Group, a coaching, training and consulting organization that guides business owners
to more success. She can be reached at coral@coralationgroup.com.
APRIL 2007 | 11