Issue 933 - 19th March 1998 - University of Surrey's Student Union

Issue 933 - Weekly Thursday 19th March 1998 

Budget praise: can 

Labour do no wrong 

MattPannell 

Editor 

Tuesday’s budget statement by the 

Chancellor of the Exchequer, Gordon 

Brown, was yesterday greeted with almost 

universal praise. Commentators and newspapers 

from across the political spectrum 

greeted the package, calling it “fair and 

ambitious”. The Chancellor had no measures 

aimed specifically at students, though 

a so-called ‘University Challenge’ package 

of £50 million is to be introduced, enabling 

Universities to bid for grants, designed to 

‘turn scientific discoveries into commercially 

viable projects’. 

According to Conservative leader William 

Hague, who had the first chance to voice his 

criticism of the budget, “Under this Labour 

government, after the taxes that have taken 

place over the last ten months, the typical 

family is £798 worse off in a year. Nothing 

the Chancellor has done today remotely 

compensates for the price people have paid 

over the last 10 months for a Labour government.” 

He went on to claim credit for 

the economic conditions which had enabled 

a balanced budget to emerge in the first 

place: “This government were lucky when 

they started; they inherited the fastest 

growth of any major European economy, 

they inherited unemployment falling fast.... 

It was the Chancellor’s duty to preserve a 

golden economic legacy, and step by step, 

he has been dismantling it.” 

Yesterday’s newspapers did not share his 

scepticism, however, with the Sun claiming 

that the measures would “hit all the right 

targets”, and the Independent adding that 

the budget “will change lives for the better.” 

The Mirror suggested that Mr Brown had 

“Managed to give to the poor, without taking 

from the rich....No budget in memory 

has done more for the low-paid and poor.” 

The Guardian claimed that the Chancellor 

had shown hints of both “Red Gordon and 

Flash Gordon”, and even the Daily Mail 

praised Mr Brown for his ‘Purity and Zeal.’ 

Liberal Democrat leader Paddy Ashdown 

was broadly positive, though Mr Brown, he 

said, had been “too timid” with his extra 

public spending. The inflation forecast of 

3% would effectively chop £750million 

from public spending, “cancelling out the 

new money for Education and Health.” 

The budget’s main proposals include: Tax 

relief for low income families, with the aim 

of encouraging work. 

The changes which will affect students most 

directly (students not generally being worried 

about tax on their £50,000 savings 

accounts) are: 

nBeer: Up only 1p per pint. So don’t let 

them blame Gordon when they raise the 

beer prices in Chancellors next year. 

nPetrol: Up 23p per gallon 

nDiesel: Up 29p per gallon 

n£500 million extra on public transport 

(mostly going on the London underground) 

nCigarettes up 21p per packet 

One area of worry for commentators 

seemed to be the danger that interest rates 

would have to rise in order to restrict an 

overheating economy. This could in turn 

increase the strength of sterling, already 

high on the international currency 

exchanges. Good news for British tourists 

abroad (and LIS students on placement) this 

could hit exporters, as prices of manufactured 

goods in the UK effectively rise for 

those purchasing from overseas. William 

Hague immediately pounced on this: “For 

industry, he [the Chancellor] has created the 

worst of all worlds, higher tax and higher 

interest rates... businesses are being crucified 

by the exchange rate!” 

Chancellor Gordon Brown with his budget on Monday 

Protect your antiques on 

the mean streets of Surrey 

John Dear 

When we hear the word,”crime”, various 

images startle our brains. Murders. Rapes. 

Indecent assaults. Muggings. Drug addicts 

taking their crack, smack and other things 

that rhyme with “ack”. There simply can’t 

be any crimes worse than these ,can there 

Or can there A recent fax from Guildford 

police gave us wind of a new terror. Yes, the 

streets of our beloved Guildford are being 

soiled by a different sort of crime. Quickly, 

turn off the lights and hide under a duvet, 

before you are caught by the menace of 

phoney antique dealers! 

These criminals in waistcoats often call 

unannounced on householders and offer to 

value family furniture. Once inside a house, 

they use highly persuasive jargon to trick 

owners into parting with their heirlooms for 

insultingly small sums of money. The “dealer” 

may convince the owner that their furniture 

is riddled with woodworm to make the 

crapulent offer seem more reasonable . 

According to the fax, Detective Sergeant 

Danny Symington’s view is that people 

wishing to sell antiques should do so 

through a recognised dealer and they should 

not let strangers into their houses. Sound 

advice from a man who clearly deserves a 

promotion. 

DS Symington doesn’t stop there. For 

example, consider this scenario. Time is 

tight, and you rush off in your Volvo estate 

(or Sherman tank) to drop the kids off at 

school. You jump out and walk little Simone 

and Norbert into the playground . When you 

return to your car, something is wrong. Oh 

no! Your brand new Gucci handbag containing 

that rare photograph of Leon Trotsky 

has been stolen! Dummkopf! You forgot to 

lock the car! What can be done to rectify 

this problem Symington has the answer, 

“Even if they are leaving the car for only a 

few moments, we advise drivers that the 

doors are locked, and valuables are kept out 

of sight.” The advice merely points out that 

Guildford is a relatively safe area of the 

country. So, in the immortal words of 

Crimewatch, sleep tight and don’t have 

nightmares. 

News 1 n Features 3 n Letters 4 n Music 6 n Entertainments Guide 7 . 

Cinema and Arts 8 n Union News 9 n Notices & Personals 9 n Sport 12 .

2 News Thursday 19th March 1998 n 

James Buller’s 

News in Brief 

Vatican Apologises To Jews 

After more than 50 years the Jewish community 

has received an apology from the 

Vatican, for failing to oppose the holocaust 

in World War 2. The Pope during the war 

years, Pius the Twelfth is said to have had 

Nazi leanings. Although he is not criticised 

(the Vatican claims the Christian church 

saved thousands of Jewish lives), it does 

seem to acknowledge that more could have 

been done. This is the latest act by John 

Paul II, who has spent his 20 year papacy 

striving to improve Jewish relations. 

From Hair To Infinity...and beyond! 

4.5 Million people are to pay $50 each to 

send a sample of their hair into outer space. 

The 1lb package of hair, CD ROMS (and a 

drive) will be blasted towards a far away 

solar system in 2001. The hope is that any 

alien race that found the probe could find 

out about us (and even potentially clone 

the donors) from the DNA stored in their 

follicles. (Lets hope they’re nice to them!) 

Alton Towers Falls Into Oblivion 

The newest ride at the Midlands theme park 

has just been unveiled. Called “Oblivion”, 

the 160 second, £12 million ride takes riders 

the equivalent of 16 storeys up. Then it 

Is That A Contraceptive In Your Pocket or... 

Technology has finally done it-electronic 

contraception (and no it isn’t electric shock 

therapy!). The Chinese pager size device 

transmits pulses, which in one hour kill all 

of a mans sperm, making him infertile for 

teeters on the brink for a few seconds, 

before starting a sheer vertical drop subjecting 

them to more G Force than astronauts 

upon take off. 

Blunkett clobbers Oxbridge colleges 

Education Minisrter David Blunkett hoped 

to bring an end to the row over funding for 

Oxford and Cambridge Universities on 

Tuesday. Oxbridge staff had been fighting 

to preserve their unique funding system, 

which brings in over £2000 per student 

more than the average amount spent on 

other Universities. The money will be 

phased out from 1999 onwards, though the 

Universities will be able to bid for extra 

money set aside for preserving ‘excellent’ 

teaching practices, and for the upkeep of 

historic buildings. - MJP 

up to a month. Normal service resumes 

within two months however with no long 

term ill effects, according to the Chinese 

inventor. 

He’s a suit, but not as we know it 

New Union Manager gets his grilling 

A fortnight ago, the 

appointment of 

Dennis Frost as 

General Manager of 

the Students’ Union 

was announced. Our 

interview reveals 

some welcome 

radical tendencies.... 

Andy Goodacre 

Features Editor 

Name: Dennis Frost 

Age: 45 

Family:Partner, Christine and 

baby daughter Sophie, 7 

months. 

What job were you doing before 

this one and why did you 

choose to become Union 

General Manager 

I was senior staff writer for 

three years on Classic 

Motorcycle magazine, an internationally 

read magazine 

about… Classic Motorcycles, 

having learned journalism from 

scratch. Before that I had 

worked in three other student 

unions, both as General 

Manager and in other posts. I 

took the Surrey job at a time 

when there was a number of 

vacant student union General 

Manager jobs. I had very much 

enjoyed working with students 

and student politics before, and 

was glad to get back into it. 

What does the Union General 

Manager do 

Two things. The first is the 

more typical managerial role, 

being in charge of all the staff 

through a hierarchical system, 

being responsible for the operations 

of the Union, ensuring all 

the bars and catering facilities 

are running OK, and making 

sure that the Union provides as 

good a service to its students as 

it can. 

What was the first album you 

ever bought 

The first single I ever bought 

was Lazy Sunday by the Small 

Faces. I think the first album I 

bought was Sgt Pepper’s, 

although it may have been 

Revolver. I can definitely 

remember buying Sgt. Pepper’s 

though, and I still think it is the 

best album they made. 

Where did you go on your last 

holiday 

I didn’t go on holiday last summer, 

with the baby being born, 

but in 1996 I went to Spétses, 

one of the Greek Islands. 

What car do you drive 

An Austin Metro. I drive a boring 

car but an exciting motorbike. 

What motorbike do you ride 

A Velocetts classic motorcycle. 

for 2s 6d, the amount it would 

cost to buy as scrap, but I had it 

valued last year at £900. 

Name the best TV programme 

you watched last week. 

Late Review, Thursday, BBC2 

11:20pm. I also enjoyed the 

BBC2 series ‘Having It All’ 

about parenting. 

You can change two things in 

the whole world. What are 

they 

I’d like to see the Serbs and 

Croats sort out their differences. 

And the Northern 

Ireland problem. 

‘Who would you most like to 

have a one-2-one with’ 

Mo Mowlam. She is so honest 

and frank, and a breath of fresh 

air. I imagine some of the protagonists 

in Northern Ireland 

must think so too. I’d to ask 

her just how close they were to 

a peaceful settlement. 

To which country in the world 

would you least like to go 

East Timor, in the Indonesian 

sub-continent. It is so 

oppressed at the moment, I 

think I’d find it too upsetting. 

Should USA attack Iraq 

No. They should let the UN 

take the lead. Although I think 

Saddam Hussein is a psychopath, 

I think the Iraqi people 

will have to overthrow him. 

What do you most fear 

The breakdown of the open 

civilisation which we are at 

present lucky enough to experience. 

For each of the following pairs, 

say which one you prefer...... 

Chris Evans / Zöe Ball 

Zöe Ball, without a doubt. 

Times / Guardian 

Guardian 

Dale Winton / Anthea Turner 

Give three words, which you 

think best describe yourself. Neither of them. 

Enthusiastic, welcoming… 

open… friendly, something like 

that. 

Approachable Yes, that’ll do. 

Anthea 

Turner is so inane. She doesn’t 

help the women’s liberation 

argument at all. 

Trevor McDonald / Michael 

Buerk 

Michael Buerk I suppose. But 

both of them are a bit lame. I 

prefer John Snow. 

McDonalds / Burger King 

Again, neither. When the first 

McDonalds opened in Britain 

in Woolwich High Street in 

1972, I was outside picketing 

them. I don’t like either of 

them. 

Socialism / New Labour 

Socialism 

Cooker / Microwave 

Cooker, although that’s a difficult 

one. 

BBC2 / Radio 4 

Radio 4. I was brought up 

without a television, and I do 

think Radio 4 is very good. 

Titanic / The Full Monty 

The Full Monty 

Tesco / Sainsbury’s 

Sainsbury’s 

This Morning with Richard and 

Judy / Oprah Winfrey 

This Morning with Richard and 

Judy 

John Major / John Redwood 

John Major 

Chelsea FC / Battersea Dogs 

Home 

Oh, Battersea Dogs Home definitely 

– I hate football. 

Mohammed Al-Fayed / Queen 

Elizabeth II 

Queen Elizabeth II. I’m no 

great monarchist, but I do think 

she is professional in what she 

does. And Mohammed Al- 

Fayed is a bloody loose cannon. 

Bitter / Lager 

Bitter 

CDs / Vinyl 

Vinyl 

Public Transport / Walking 

Walking probably, although I 

am much in favour of public 

transport. 

NHS / BUPA 

NHS. 

What is the best bargain you 

ever bought 

When I was 16, I bought a station 

clock for 2s 6d. It was sold 

Dennis Frost, Students’ Union General Manager as from last week

n Thursday 19th March 1998 

Talent tension mounts 

H 

ands are shaking, songs are being 

written and practised and talent is 

rapidly emerging. The standard of 

the entrants to this years talent competition 

so far has been really amazing. So many 

people come out of the woodwork to shine 

‘Dave’ in action on Tuesday night. The band will appear in Sunday’s final. 

on the stage once a year. Seriously, though, 

a big thank you to everyone who has entered 

this year, and best of luck to all those who 

go through to the final. 

The final will be an all day event, on 

Sunday, 22nd March, starting at 1 PM in the 

Main Union. It will be a great day, full of 

music and debauchery, as it’s also Beer Fest 

that day. Entry is free all day, so you can 

come and hear the best of the bands, whilst 

enjoying some marvellous ale. I can assure 

you that it’s well worth coming to hear the 

finalists - it’s going to be a tough decision 

on who goes through, but whoever it is, it’ll 

be a fantastic show. Prizes include £150, a 

gig at “The Star” pub in town, HMV vouchers, 

Firkin Beer vouchers and hopefully 

some free tickets to this years Guildford 

Festival. 

The format of the day will be: finalists play 

1 PM - depends on how many items go 

through to the final...followed 

by an evening extravaganza of 

the winners of the talent competition 

supporting our main 

feature, Rootjoose. Come 

along for a taste of the BEST 

entertainment of the year, 

brought to you by UnPlugged. 

Harriet Simms 

Cannabis debate 

kicks off on campus 

On Sunday the 28th of September 1997, a 

national newspaper printed a front page 

headline that read ‘The time is right to 

decriminalise cannabis’. Blimey, thought I, 

this is a bit bold coming from one of the 

country’s quality newspapers. As I started 

reading the article, I couldn’t help but think 

that the editor of the Independent on 

Sunday had taken leave of her senses 

decideding she no longer wanted her job. I 

imagined that she was clearing out her desk 

at that very moment. The Sun said, the next 

day, ‘The Independent on Sunday has gone 

to pot’, and backed Home Secretary, Jack 

Straw’s hard line stance on the issue. I reckoned 

that the campaign would last two, perhaps 

three weeks. How wrong can one be 

Almost six months on and the Independent 

on Sunday’s campaign continues to gain 

support from politicians, police officers, 

doctors, celebrities and readers. 

The forthcoming Student Council Meeting 

where a debate is going to be held on the 

cannabis issue. Whether you believe that 

anyone found in possession of a small 

amount of cannabis should be shot, or that 

it should be an ingredient of school dinners, 

or somewhere in between, I urge all of you 

to attend as we have invited some excellent 

speakers to address the meeting. These 

include Greg Poulter, the deputy director of 

the drugs agency ‘Release’. 

News & Notices 3 

Oh no, it’s 

the Silly Spot! 

W 

e are shocked and disgusted by 

some of the things we have seen 

at recent silly nights. In the past 

few weeks, us vestal virgins have seen 

cheese coming not with bread, but with helmets. 

I like a bit of Cheddar and it’s my 

sheep that likes the mould. Now, we hear 

that in week 10 there is going to be a BAD 

TASTE silly party, with no jelly or ice 

cream, but sick and deprived individuals. 

Apparently they will not just be wearing 

hideous items of clothing, but will dress up 

in a vulgar manner. Why do we want to see 

people dressed as necrophiliacs We want 

nice young men with tank tops on and young 

ladies with pretty bows in their hair, who 

love kittens and flowers. 

If you are thinking of taking part in this diseased 

night, just to get cheap doubles & a 

mixer (for £1), then you will have no morals 

what so ever and will never reach enlightenment. 

Blah Blah Blah.......De Dah. 

Rise up oppressed virgins! Reject alcohol, 

make a stance against vulgarity, but if you 

don’t know about certain sexual practices; 

ask! 

Love from the vestal virgins & their pet 

SHEEP 

STOP PRESS: Are you the next Quentin Tarantino If you will be in Guildford in June and want to help produce a film, see notices (p10)

4 Letters/Editorial 

Dear Editor, 

Congratulations on all of the coverage that 

you have given to the struggle over fees. 

However, this being the Surrey student’s 

newspaper you should surely be publishing 

stories that interest the Surrey University 

students. I was in the Union on the 

Wednesday “no-fees strike day”. Despite 

the best efforts to publicise the event there 

were very few people present. It only 

Your Letters 

Another U-turn on student finance 

Letter of the week - 

4 cinema tickets await author 

Dear Editor, 

Back in the depths of time, I remember at 

NUS campaign against the privatisation of 

student loans, which I think had support 

from a certain mainstream political party. 

With the campaign now having turned 

towards the more severe threat of tuition 

fees, it has gone unnoticed that the same 

party has now privatised a third of the student 

loans debt. Control has been given to 

NatWest, who will receive a subsidy of 

£60m per annum to run the loan book. In 

theory the terms of the loan agreement will 

remain the same, although it would be nice 

I’m sick of fees debate, writes ‘fascist’ 

Middle East issues: some ‘objective’ comment 

to have some confirmation of this from the 

Student Loans Company or the 

Government. 

Also, I would like to add another slant to the 

recent discussion our witty rogue publication 

the Naked Truth. It would appear that 

2 sabatical candidates at Sheffield Halam 

Uni have taken the idea one step further: 

they have been barred from elections after 

they bared all on their posters. Mr Hogg, 

21, who was standing for president was pictured 

naked with a bag of strategicallyplaced 

chips with the slogan: “The whole 

Hogg, the man who gives you the Naked 

Truth!” 

Richard Hiscoke 

became busy once the evening began. In 

order to qualify for the cheaper £1 for a double 

drinks you had to sign the petition stating 

that you were against fees. Such great 

confidence in the Surrey student’s opinion! 

When I said that I wished to have a stamp 

but didn’t want to sign the petition, I was 

informed that I was in fact a Fascist bastard. 

Richard Saulet 

Dear Editor, 

I have been reading in the last few weeks in 

our newspaper several articles expressing 

systematically pro-Iraqi and Anti-American 

views. It is about time that someone sheds 

a somewhat more balanced light on the 

issue, in particular what regards the State of 

Israel. 

I cannot understand how people dare compare 

countries like Israel and Iraq. Israel 

might not always have complied with all 

UN resolutions, like many other countries, 

but it has never been threatening its neighbours 

with chemical and bacteriological 

weapons. It is not led by a brutal dictator 

totally disinterested in the faith of his people. 

His stubbornness regarding the UN 

inspections prevents the UN from lifting the 

embargo. Only he can put an end to the 

population’s sufferings. So let’s stop blaming 

the outside world and play Saddam’s 

game! Israel is the only democracy in the 

region. The essence of democracy is pluralism 

and democratic elections. The new 

elected government might have different 

and maybe criticiseable views on the implementation 

of the peace process but I am convinced 

the peace will eventually prevail. 

Israel cannot afford losing one war and is 

therefore extremely cautious in its dealings. 

As to the current Iraqi crisis let’s not fool 

ourselves...without the US military threat 

the latest agreement between Kofi Anan and 

Saddam would never have been signed. 

I think that one should objectively analyse a 

situation before forming his opinion. I am 

not a blind supporter of the USA but have to 

recognise that their role has been determinant 

even if there are obvious economic 

interests at stake. As to the Israeli- 

Palestinian issue, if two opposite personalities 

like Rabin and Arafat have the courage 

to meet and negotiate we have good reasons 

to be optimistic but at the same time patient. 

One could also argue that the current conflict 

has its source in the fact that the Arab 

countries refused the UN partition plan of 

Palestine in 1948, not Israel. Lets however 

look into the future since there are many 

people of good will on both sides who are 

striving for peace! 

Name & URN supplied 

Thursday 19th March 1998 n 

Pornography complaint was ‘naive’ 

Dear Editor, 

Interesting points made in the letter in Bare 

Facts issue 931 (‘Ban Pornography Within 

the University). Personally I am not offended 

by pornography, in many ways I am in 

favour of it. I am also an exponent of freedom 

of expression and I would argue that 

we need to liberalise the obscenity laws in 

this country. I remember in my first year we 

had pictures of men without their shirts on 

in our KUB and the women, I would 

assume, would ask for these to be banned 

around campus as they portray men as 

objects of desire. Would you also ask for 

fashion publications to be removed from the 

university as they objectify women (in a 

passive way) and often contain sexual 

images 

Your main argument is that as some women 

are offended by something then it should not 

be banned. What about the women that are 

pro-pornography and are trying to produce 

an alternative pornography with pro-women 

ideals Or is your argument that pornography 

is bad if it is exploiting women In 

which case you would not object to pornography 

in which women are seen as dominant, 

or even Gay and Lesbian pornography, 

and therefore that should be allowed to be 

openly displayed around campus. 

At the simplest level I would object to your 

Pornography: why not concentrate on real issues 

Dear Editor, 

In response to the ‘ban pornography’ letter 

in BareFacts 931, I feel that it is just another 

example of pedanticness and stupidity in 

the cause of political corectness. Do people 

have nothing better or more important to 

worry about that what is on somebody’s calendar 

Okay, with all due respect to the 

young ladies involved, they didn’t say quite 

how ‘pornographic’ these pictures were 

(and most people will agree there has to be 

a limit), but I can see nothing offensive with 

seeing a naked or semi-naked person (be it 

female or male). After all, everyone has a 

bodty and we all know what one looks like. 

People seem to spend too much time, work, 

and money sorting out such issues as above, 

as if they are frightened to tackle real and 

important issues. I am a hundred percent in 

favour of equality in all respects (sex, race, 

Three cheers for the strippers 

Dear Editor, 

I have just read last weeks Bare Facts 

(Thursday 12 March) and there appears to 

be somewhat of an uproar regarding 

pornography on the university campus. 

Unfortunately I am not aware of the full 

facts as I was unavoidably away from campus 

during the period that all the commotion 

appears to have occurred. The reasons were 

of course purely personal but I can confirm 

that they involve a dog, two pigs and a 

rather happy horse. No more need be said, 

but I can confirm that the result is now ‘riding’ 

high in the Danish Porn Chart. Moving 

on swiftly, it seems a little strange that 

women (possibly the more trendy left ones 

with the title Ms) are horrified by pornography. 

If this is so I can only assume that double 

standards exist somewhere. Why do I 

say this Trust me, if you were at last weeks 

FNO you to would understand. As a young 

gentleman (ish), I was somewhat shocked 

by the goings on that took place. Enjoying a 

quiet pint at around 11.30 p.m. near to 

argument, as offence is no reason to censor 

anything. I suspect there are people who are 

offended by the fact that women wear short 

skirts and skimpy tops when going out. By 

the logic of your argument because people 

are offended the women should cover themselves 

up, especially as they only wear the 

clothes because they have been taught by 

men that men find them attractive when 

they dress in this way. 

You also imply in your letter that there is a 

causal link between pornography and 

assaults on women. There is some evidence 

to prove this, but there is also evidence that 

pornography has a cathartic effect and does 

in fact stop some people from attacking 

women. Attacks on women are due to 

power imbalances in society, so why not 

stand by your convictions and ban relationships 

on campus as they will always be 

unequal until society is equal and therefore 

they will be exploitative. 

You say it is for the sake of all students that 

pornography should be banned, what gives 

you the right to dictate your opinions as if 

they are held by everyone How would you 

feel if your freedom to complain was 

removed because someone found your 

views offensive 

As I said, I agree with a lot of the sentiment, 

but I do believe that your tactics are nieve. 

Nick Turner 

age, ability etc) but in order to achieve this 

we need to concentrate real discrimination 

in the workplace and community. I don’t 

think that a few silly pictures match up to 

the major problems faced by many people 

on a daily basis. 

I have only briefly described my views on 

this subject and by no means agree with 

pornography. I respect women every bit as 

much as I respect men, and this Mr H is 

clearly living in a different century. I just 

wish people would use a little common 

sense and realise that they are not going to 

like everything everybody else does, in 

which case ignore it and get on with your 

own life! 

Robert Nicholson 

Harry’s Bar I was disturbed to notice a middle 

aged man removing his clothing in front 

of a ‘young lady’. This continued, and as it 

did a crowd began to build, the majority of 

whom were female. The behaviour was to 

say the least degrading to all of those 

involved. What was worse was that I was 

forcibly ejected from my seat by two rabid 

females, who were egging this degrading 

scene on with shouts of “Get your tackle 

out”, as well as numerous other comments 

of a similar ‘vein’. What can be said I can 

only assume the man involved will be suitably 

reprimanded, and all those ladies 

involved will: 

(a) Give a big cheer. 

(b) Tell those ‘women’ who have obviously 

had a sense of humour by-pass to ‘do one’. 

(c) ‘Keep it up’, because it did provide quite 

a giggle. 

P.S. Copies of the photos are available, and 

bulk discounts can negotiated. 

Name & URN supplied


Advertisement 5

6 Music Thursday 19th March 1998 n 

SINGLES 

CAFFEINE - You Spin Me Round (Like A 

Record Baby) (Fluffy Freako) 

Wow is this good, easily the best cover version 

since they were invented. 9/10 F.F. 

ARAB STRAP - Here We Go (Chemikal 

Underground) 

Uncomplicated, late night melancholia of 

‘Here We Go’ is breathtaking whilst the ramblings 

of ‘Trippy’ are involved but amusing. 

Either way it’s a relaxing experience - like a 

chilled out Whipping Boy. 8/10 D.J. 

IAN BROWN - Corpses (Polydor) 

This single is a lot darker than this last one 

with low guitars and lyrics. Sounds a bit like 

the Auteurs did a couple of years back. 8/10 

I.P. 

FELINE - Sun In My Eyes (Chrysalis) 

One of the few bands in which the lead singer 

is also the bassist. The vocals are dark but 

sweet, making the group sound a bit 

Republica-esque, only better. Definitely a 

group to look out for. 8/10 E.C. 

THE HIGH LLAMAS - The Sun Beats 

Down (V2) 

Meandering, bubbling, Reggie Perrin organ 

blended with even dreamier vocals and topped 

with melancholic strings. Are the ’Llamas 

touched with genius 8/10 D.J. 

THE STALKER - Blast (Fierce) 

Orlando Voorn has finally given me hope in 

the American dance styles. This second part to 

the EP ‘Blast’ easily buries the first, and 

breaks the US mould. Two first class stormers 

that no respected DJ should have to do without, 

complete with booming basslines, and 

fantastic samples. Rinsin’! 8/10 M.B. 

PRINCE BUSTER - Whine and Grine 

(Island) 

It’s the one from the Levi’s ad and as such is 

desperately uncool to like, but it’s clever marketing 

picking up on a fashion for ska that 

makes it so very now, although it’s from 1967. 

Makes absolutely no sense to me, but that’s its 

charm. Splendid dub version too. 7/10 H.B. 

JUNKIE XL - Saturday Teenage Kick 

(Roadrunner) 

Another single that suits its title. This is good 

dance stuff for a small gathering (not a party, 

honest) and the lyrics are rather fun. For example:- 

‘All obsessed with the taste of flesh’ and 

‘Do you know that bad girls go to hell You 

must take strength’ are good examples. A 

whole section out of the song ‘100’ is entirely 

given over to lyrics like this. Great fun! 7/10 

G.T. 

LIBIDO - Revolving (Fire) 

A laid back guitar tune featuring smooth repetitive 

riffs and a delicate male vocal. There is a 

northern tinge to this although it is easily superior 

to Oasis et al. A fair tune but not a great 

one. 7/10 A.T. 

DAWN OF THE REPLICANTS - Hogwash 

Farm (EastWest) 

“It’s all hogwash... nothing but hogwash”... 

Only joking, that’s just an example of the 

lyrics from ‘Hogwash Farm’. I like this but it 

is perhaps, a little too long for full appreciation. 

I could accuse this band of repeating too 

many lyrics but at least the ideas are good 

when they do have new lyrics. The drone of 

repetition does produce an interesting hypnotic 

effect in itself. The band have a very raw quality 

to parts of their music but this isn’t a bad 

thing. In essence, both band and music get progressively 

more weird. 7/10 G.T. 

TRANSISTER Look Who’s Perfect Now 

(Virgin) 

Indescript, random and slack. You’ll hear it, 

hum along, forget about it but still hum along 

next time and remember those Molko-esque 

vocals being sweetly bitchy. 7/10 H.B. 

LYNDEN DAVID HALL - Do I Qualify 

(Cooltempo) 

Apart from this being recorded in my hometown, 

this is a solid single. The Def Squad 

remix is something to look out for. Hard fat 

beats. But as always there is something lacking 

to make this a badass track. 7/10 I.U. 

BLONDE REDHEAD - Limited 

Conversation (Touch and Go). 

When listening to this I get the weird feeling 

that it’s something I’ve heard before. Well if 

your a mass Bagpuss and Placebo fan then it 

probably would, as the lyrics sound like 

Placebo’s ‘Swallow’, while the music sounds 

like the magical, mystical mouse organ. So 

“Heave Charlie mouse, heave!” 5/10 D.N. 

STATE OF MIND - This Is It (Ministry of 

Sound) 

In a similar vein to previous releases on this 

label, more standard garage fare. Complete 

with an all-star remixer line-up from the likes 

of Nu-birth, M&S - not too much bootie shaking 

goin’ on here. 5/10 I.U. 

PORTISHEAD - Only You (Go Beat) 

OK, so this is Portishead, a band who have 

become pretty huge and then seemed to disappear. 

It’s a bit of a pity that they bothered to 

come back really as the mixture of scratching 

Beth’s weedy voice and at times music that 

deserves to be in a Bond movie gets a bit 

tedious after a few mixes. 4/10 D.N. 

THE SMILES - Say Something (A&M) 

This is the debut, limited-edition single from 

recently signed band ‘The Smiles’, overrated, 

uninspiring, standard indie pop. The more I 

listened to it, the more I hated it. Well produced 

by Hugh Jones of Dodgy and Bluetones 

fame, but this can’t hide the song’s lack of a 

tune. 4/10 N.W. 

DAVID HOLMES My Mate Paul (Go Beat) 

Are all the DJs from this genre now starting to 

sound the same. Is there a certain code book 

saying that there’s a certain fashionable sample/style 

which needs to planted in every single 

tune released. There must be, as this single 

is basically the catchy bit out of ‘Rude Boy 

Rock’ by Lionrock mixed with one hell of a 

simple, crappy sample repeated over and over. 

4/10 K.M. 

WAMDUE PROJECT - Where Do We Go 

(Eruption) 

Gentle Trip-Hop break beats skid along, going 

nowhere, as a soulful voice yearns, presumably, 

for the end of the song. 3/10 D.J. 

SUNHOUSE - Monkey Dead 

(Independiente) 

The tracks are slow mellow and monotonous, 

they all seem to run together into a depressing 

puddle and end up sounding like a very dull 

version of REM. 2/10 E.C. 

SINGLE OF THE WEEK 

BACKYARD 

BABIES - 

Look At You 

(Coalition) 

A mighty slice 

of in-your-face 

raunchy rock- 

’n’roll, think 

Guns’N’Roses 

without the 

bloated egos, 

mixing with 

The Ramones 

and the New 

York Dolls, 

topped with a 

slice of The 

Wildhearts. 

Great. 9/10 

R.W. 

ALBUMS 

ALBUM OF THE WEEK 

THE BLUETONES - Return To The Last Chance Saloon (Superior 

Quality) 

When reviewing the first single which was released from this album, 

‘Solomon Bites The Worm’ I thought it was brilliant. The album is even better. 

The best track by far on this album is ‘If...’ (which is being released in 

April) Other tracks which also stand out as being especially good are 

‘Sleazy Bed Show’, ‘4-Day Weekend’ an of course ‘Solomon Bites The 

Worm’. There isn’t a poor track though on the album. As said on the press 

release “‘Return To The Last Chance Saloon’ is an album about and for 

anybody who has ever loved, or been in, a band” and it’s true. If you have 

liked anything that The Bluetones have done before go out and buy this 

album. 9/10 G.D. 

UNITED DJ’S OF AMERICA - San 

Francisco / Chicago (Frisco Disco) 

House isn’t normally my favourite 

thing but here, the American vibes are 

pure, groovy and funky. They are mellow 

tunes which go well in the background 

or as the centre of sound. In fact 

this is the best collection of house I’ve 

heard in a long time. Line up of D.J’s: 

Q, Mateo and Matos, Peter Funk and 

Southern Comfort. A brilliant CD from 

the god old US of A. 9/10 C.H 

URUSEI YATSURA - Slain By (Che) 

Looking at the cover, you cannot be 

sure what to expect. the CD starts off in 

the same way, the first two songs are 

completely different leaving you not 

sure whether to dance, tap your feet or 

just lose it. Thankfully the album settles 

into a blend of class indie guitar music 

with a bit of jazz thrown in. Never one 

for the rule books, Urusei Yatsura have 

come up with something that could be 

considered pure class, but will probably 

be underrated. 8/10 F.F. 

V/A- Brassic Beats Vol. 3 (Skint) 

This 12 track compilation from the 

coolest contemporary dance label 

around. This supplies us with tracks 

from Fatboy Slim, Bentley Rhythm Ace 

and the hotly tipped Lo-Fidelity 

Allstars. All the tracks are of a high 

standard, full on party music, big beats 

going off everywhere. New exclusive 

tracks are from Space Raiders, Req, 

Indian Rope Man, Cut La Roc and 

Hardnox, which can all be described as 

faultless, if you are in the right mood. If 

you want cool uplifting tunes coming 

from your CD player you can’t go 

wrong with buying this. 8/10 N.W. 

COSMOSIS - Synergy (Transient) 

This second album by the cosmic guys 

is the follow up to the critically 

acclaimed ‘Cosmology’, which was 

championed by DJs worldwide. Superb, 

energetic, full on, peak of the night guitar 

driven psychedelic trance with 

Cosmosis blasting out of your speakers, 

control of your mind is out of the question! 

8/10 G.C. 

STEVE STOLL - Blunted Boy 

Wonder (Nova Mute) 

Logical progression from his last 

album, less industrial, Mr Stoll seems 

to draw more from current Detroit and 

global influences. Nice range of styles 

displayed on the tracks, from dreamy 

sequences to electro and grinding, and 

slightly acidic techno tunes. The whole 

album is nicely constructed and subtle 

but still remaining firmly rooted in 

techno clubland. 8/10 C.H. 

V/A - Boogie Nights 2 (EMI) 

‘Boogie Nights 2’ follows up on the 

phenomenal success of ‘Boogie Nights 

- The Soundtrack’, and features music 

taken directly from the film but which 

was not included in the first CD. 

Having caused a sensation on dancefloors 

up and down the land with ELO 

and Livin’ Thing, ‘Boogie Nights 2’ 

looks set to do the same thing with K C 

& the Sunshine Band and Hot 

Chocolates ‘You Sexy Thing’. This CD 

sure is “a wide load” 8/10 G.C. 

V/A - The Ultimate Drum & Bass: 

Part 1 and 2 (Massive) 

Some serious drum n bass. Excellent 

collection. An essential must for all 

DnB lovers. You just can’t go wrong. 

Both parts of the album contain 54 

tracks. I had to pace myself when listening 

to these to ten tracks a day. Look 

out for ‘X-clusive’, ‘Renegade and 

Keith Ray’ and of course, ‘Drum & 

Bass’. 7/10 I.U. 

THE BOOM - Movin’ Out 

(Slowdime) 

A mixture of punk, blues, R&B and 

jazz, featuring a saxophone-led, trombone 

accompanied and trumpet filled 

sections with a big-band swing feel. 

The guitar work provides the blues 

dynamic backed up with the thick and 

smooth bass lines, while beat-heavy and 

soulful drumming top it all off... quite 

good if you’re into this sort of thing. 

7/10 G.C. 

SUBSTANCE - Spectrum (Ruff 

Neck) 

The album is a good reflection of DJ 

Dazees style. There is a strong Bristol 

influence and the jungle is unrefined. 

Wobbly beats are an essential feature 

and the funky vibes make it groovier. 

Very entertaining stuff. 7/10 C.H. 

BLUR - Bustin’ And Dronin’ (Food) 

This double CD was initially intended 

for the Japanese market. The first CD is 

DUST JUNKIES - Done And Dusted (Polydor) 

The only band to even come close to filling the Union on a Sunday night finally 

come through with their debut album. Starting off with ‘Nothing Personal’, the 

whole album is centred around a hip hop vibe with rasping rap lyrics about nothing 

in particular. All the singles are here but unless you have them you won’t recognise 

which tracks they are. There are no fillers and no mindnumbing solos, especially 

impressive when it is obvious that the guitarist is very good. Think Black Grape 

with a harder edge and you’re getting close. Original and funky. 9/10 A.T. 

nine remixes of songs from the ‘Blur’ 

album, which is arguably their finest 

album to date. There are three mixes of 

‘Death Of A Party’, and two, the best 

mixes on the album, of ‘On Your Own’. 

Thurston Moore’s noisy deconstruction 

of ‘Essex Dogs’ is also interesting, the 

rest is frankly bobbins. The second CD 

however is much more like it, six songs 

recorded live in John Peel’s garden. 

This is blur at their best, frenetic and 

taut and quite simply rockin’. Probably 

one for completists only, but that second 

CD is damn good. 6/10 R.W. 

SQUIRREL NUT ZIPPERS - Hot 

(Mammoth) 

This band certainly have one great asset 

- their name. It is worth buying this just 

because of this (it’s the name of a brand 

of sweet in America). The packaging 

also has a lot of promises including 

interactive tracks on the CD ROM. The 

interactive part is fun and well presented. 

It gives you loads of video clips and 

interviews and the opportunity to 

scrawl on the band logo. Everything 

would be fine if I was into 40’s music, 

but I’m not. The music is stepping 

straight out of the forties undiluted. 

Have this group got a time machine 

The members of the band are also 

diverse and come from many unseemly 

walks of life such as a biomedical engineer 

and a former Democratic party 

member. This is catchy stuff but only 

buy if you like that sort of thing. 6/10 

G.T. 

RICHARD DAVIES - Telegraph 

(Blue Rose) 

I hate to say this, but this is the worst 

album which I have reviewed this year. 

Having said this, there is nothing really 

wrong with any of the tracks, it is probably 

just a matter of taste. It was a 

struggle to be able to actually listen to 

the whole album. I wouldn’t really recommend 

this album to any one, I don’t 

think that I will be listening to this 

again. 3/10 G.D. 

REGULATOR WATTS - Regulator 

Watts (Slowdime) 

The first half the singer screams down 

the microphone and tunes are non-existent. 

The second half is just sparse guitars 

with the odd bit of drums. Both 

halfs are crap. 2/10 I.P. 

This weeks music bought to you by - 

Daniel Jones, Frank Fraulo, 

Mathew Beal, Honey Butcher, 

Christian Hunter, Ikaraam Ullah, 

Ian Purvey, Denise Nicholson, 

Gabriel-Oliver Chamero, 

Emma Clarke, Kevin Marston, 

Nick Walsh, Georgina Tarrant, 

Andrew Thomas, Gemma Decent, 

Rob Winder

n Thursday 19th Marh 1998 

Entertainments Guide 7 

Friday 

20th 

Saturday 

21st 

Sunday 

22nd 

Monday 

23rd 

Tuesday 

24th 

Wednesday 

25th 

Thursday 

26th 

Friday 

27th 

Saturday 

28th 

Hurah, it’s the end of 

term. Good luck with the 

dissertations, exams, 

and postgrad research 

projects. 

19.30 FILM:The Client 

18.00 The Simpsons 

21.00 Blackadder II 

21.30 Never Mind the 

Buzzcocks 

18:00 TFI Friday 

21.00 Dalziel & Pascoe 

22.35 FILM: My Cousin 

Vinny 

21.00 It’ll Be Alright on the 

Night 8 

22.00 FILM: Rob Roy 

21.00 FILM: Postcards from 

the Edge 

22.00 The Clive James 

Show 

21.00 Father Ted 

21.00 Robin Hood: Men In 

Tights 

10.30 Can’t Cook Won’t 

Cook 

22.40 On Side 


18.00 The Monkees 

21.00 Witness 


Cook 

22.20 The Oscars 

23.15 Seinfeld 

23.40 The Larry Sanders 

Show 

23.00 The Jack Docherty 

Show 


Cook 

21.00 E.R. 

22.00 First On Four 

22.30 Friends 


Cook 

18.15 Third Rock From the 

Sun 

23.30 The Jack Docherty 

Show 


Cook 


21.00 Blackadder II 

21.30 Never Mind the 

Buzzcocks 

18:00 TFI Friday 

Union Club opening hours 

Every weekday: 

7pm-midnight Pizza + 

Helyn Rose Bar Breakfast 8:30-11am 

Helyn Rose Bar Lunch 12-2pm 

Hari’s Bar (drink & snacks) 11am-7pm 

Chancellor’s lunch 12-2pm 

Chancellor’s afternoon tea 2:30-5pm 

GIG GUIDE 

It is always advisable to confirm with the 

venue before travelling. 

Athletico - London Camden 

Underworld (0171 482 1932) 

Ferry ‘Cross The Mersey - Guildford 

Civic Hall (01483 444555) 

The Hybirds, The Smiles, Sol - 

Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) 

Athletico - London Blue Note 

Beekeepers - London Camden Barfly 

(0171 482 4808) 

Finley Quaye - London Shepherds Bush 

Empire (0171 287 1331) 

Snug, Carrie, Headcopter - Reading 

Alleycat (0118 956 1116) 

“Jackpot” - London Subterania (0181 

960 4590) 

IN 

YOUR 

UNION 

Rootjoose, “Talent Show 

Winner” - Guildford, Surrey 

University 

Dust Junkys - Portsmouth 

Wedgewood Rooms (01705 863911) 

Rinse (Drum and Bass Night) - 


A - Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms 

(01705 863911) 

Riser, Punkin Instigators, Optics - 


Finitribe - London Blue Note 

Matchbox 20 - London LA2 (0171 434 

9592) 

Obsidian, Release, Amoeba - Reading 

Alleycat (0118 956 1116) 

Warm Jets - Portsmouth Wedgewood 

Rooms (01705 863911) 

Wilson, Poor Rich Ones - London 

Kings Cross Water Rats (0171 837 7269) 

PICK 

OF THE 

WEEK 

Lo Fidelity Allstars, Space 

Raiders - Reading Alleycat 

(0118 956 1116) 

A - London Kings College 

Arab Strap - London ULU 

Athletico Strip - London Islington Hope and 

Anchor (0171 354 1312) 

Kangaroo Moon - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 

1116) 

Dust Junkys - London Garage (0171 607 

1818) 

Mercedes - London Kentish Town Bull And 

Gate 

Asian Dub Foundation - Portsmouth 

Wedgewood Rooms (01705 863911) 

Bluetones, Mover - Guildford Civic Hall 

(01483 444555) 

Morcheeba - London Shepherds Bush Empire 

(0171 287 1331) 

Pocket Devils - London 100 Club (0171 636 

0933) 

Tribute To Nothing, dBH, Lockdown - 


Warm Jets - London ULU 

Bluetones, Regular Fries - London 

Shepherds Bush Empire (0171 287 1331) 

Fluke - London Holloway Rocket 

Fu Manchu - London Garage (0171 607 1818) 

“Jackpot” - London Subterania (0181 960 

4590) 

Semi Junction, Waif, Jerc - Reading Alleycat 

(0118 956 1116) 

My Life Story, Drugstore, Inter, Twister - 

Farnham Maltings (01252 726234) 

Cineline - (01483) 578017 

Fri/Sat (20th/21st ) 

The Man in the Iron Mask 

12:45, 15:55, 18:55, 22:00 

Gattaca 

13:50, 16:30, 19:10, 21:50 

As Good as it Gets 

12:25, 15:25, 18:30, 21:40 

Titanic 

12:15, 12:55, 16:20, 17:00, 20:30, 

21:10 

Good Will Hunting 

12:35, 15:30, 18:30, 21:30 

The Butcher Boy 

12:50, 18:45 

Amistad 

21:20 

Fallen 

14:00, 16:45, 19:30, 22:20 

Kiss the Girls 

13:00, 16:15, 19:20, 22:10 

Flubber 

12:45, 14:55, 17:05 (sat only) 

Fairytale (Sat only) 

13:00, 15:10 

Paws 

11:45 (sat only) 

Sun 22nd - Thurs 26th 

The Man in the Iron Mask 

12:45, 15:55, 18:55, 22:00 

Gattaca 

14:30, 18:20, 22:50 (Sun) 

12:50, 15:30, 18:20, 20:50 

(Mon-Thurs) 

As Good as it Gets 

12:30, 17:00, 20:10 

Titanic 

14:00, 15:20, 19:00, 19:25 (Sun) 

13:15, 14:00, 15:20, 19:00, 19:25 

Good Will Hunting 

12:10, 14:55, 17:40, 20:30 

The Butcher Boy 

17:30 (Sun) 

11:55, 17:30 (NB Not Wed) 

Amistad 

20:00 (Sun) 

14:15, 20:00 (NB Not Wed) 

Fallen 

14:20, 17:40, 20:30 

Kiss the Girls 

18:10, 20:40 (Sun) 

12:30, 15:15, 18:10, 20:40 

(Mon - Thurs) 

Flubber 

12:00, 14:05, 16:10 (Sun only) 

Fairytale 

12:30, 14:50 (Sun only) 

Paws 

12:15 (Sun only) 

Sunday 22nd - Bullitt, 

Event Horizon 

Monday 23rd -Chasing 

Amy, The Devil’s Advocate

8 Arts Thursday 19th March 1998 n 

THE LEVELLERS 

Guildford Civic Hall, Friday 13 March 1998. Review - Ian Purvey 

he last time I saw the 

Levellers was back in 

T1993 and it was the first 

gig I went to so therefore it 

seemed amazing. Now five 

years on I’ve seen them again, 

in a large cavernous venue 

which unusually sounded 

damn good, whereas similar 

venues I find tend to sound 

rather flat. They started their 

set with ‘The Game’, which 

was not what I’d of expected 

considering its off the 1991 

album ‘Levelling The Land’, 

with this first song a mosh 

started down the front 

when they got the Levellers band had hardly left the stage. 

However all night the proper logo lights projecting onto it. The encore started with a couple 

mosh tended to be small and As this tour is not actually an 

of slow songs before get- 

only consisting of 30 or 40 album tour they played a lot of ting onto ‘Carry Me’ (recently 

people , which was bad news their old stuff, around half of re-released as a B-side of Dog 

for the crowd surfers as they the ‘Levelling The Land’ Train, not played tonight) and 

frequently got dropped, with a album, and playing classics ‘Dirty Davey’. That was the 

further couple of hundred like, ‘Hope Street’, ‘15 Years’, end of the first encore. They 

pogoing politely. The crowd ‘Battle Of The Beanfield’, and soon came on for a second 

really is quite a big mix with ‘Liberty Song’ (the last song encore in which they played 

your 30+s and you under 16s in the main set), in which ‘Just The One’, followed by 

all enjoying the same band. On somebody managed to get up ‘The Devil Went Down To 

stage the band jump around a on stage before being rushed Georgia’, which was a great 

lot and give it some energy off the side by security. The end to the evening, only the 

rather than just standing on the main set finished way to early Levellers could cover a country 

spot for 40 minutes banging (before half ten) for there not 

music song and give it 

out the tunes like some bands. to be an encore and indeed such energy. 

The backdrop was quite nice there was so quickly that the 

URUSEI YATSURA 

With Magoo and Six By Seven. Hanover Grand, 12 March 1998. Review and Photo Andrew Thomas. 

ith an early start Magoo were playing 

to a half empty venue at 7pm. 

WMagoo’s take on punky pop was 

appreciated by the crowd and expectations 

were raised as to what to expect from the next 

band on. 

6 by 7 are an experimental noise group that 

like to base entire songs on one note or chord. 

The vocals were shouted or screamed and just 

added to the earache. The crowd attempted to 

appreciate the sounds but you could see the 

relief when 6 by 7 left at half past 8. 

At 9m Urusei Yatsura took the stage. Playing 

much of the new album and throwing in a few 

old favourites the capacity crowd pogoed like 

crazy! With a top 40 single finally under their 

belts (‘Hello Tiger’, which exploded in at 40!) 

Urusei Yatsura are slowly moderating their 

noise and concentrating on the tunes. This still 

left room, however, for the gloriously shouty, 

‘Kewpies Like Watermelon’. With much of 

the new material showing great potential they 

can expect to see their next single climb the 

dizzy heights of at least 38! 

M 

THE BETA BAND 

Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms, 9 March 1998. Review - Nick Walsh 

any people will not have heard of The 

Beta Band. They are out of all the ‘hotly 

tipped’ bands who had their asses kissed 

by the popular music press, the band which showed 

the most promise. They have had two e.p’s 

released. The first ‘Champion Versions’ produced 

by Verve guitarist Nick McCabe, that impressed the 

world with its stoned acoustic guitar plus strung 

out beats. The second record the ‘Patty Patty e.p.’ 

released last week, got single of the week in the 

NME, and was more of the same sonic magic. 

Before the gig, I didn’t know just what to expect, 

getting all the sounds which are going off on record 

and being able to recreate them all live is no easy 

thing. So I went into the gig with a very open 

mind. The DJ warming up for the night was one of 

the bands mates, playing classic tunes from the 

likes of Dr. John, N.W.A. and Led Zeppelin. The 

advantage of having a DJ starting, is it gets you in 

the mood for the band on next and in this case giving 

a insight into the bands tastes, showing, that 

they are aware of classic music, but not ruled by it. 

The venue, a small and cosy room, packed out with 

people (mostly journalists) coming to see the band 

on the first night of their first tour. The band enter 

on stage and just start banging the drums, getting a 

groove going. Then the bass kicks in and they enter 

in one of their songs, it was introduced but in a 

mumbled sort of way like a lot of the songs so I 

didn’t get the title. The Beta Band are such a weird 

band it is almost impossible to describe what was 

going on, there were two drum kits onstage, a set 

of decks, on which one guy was mixing on, congas, 

bongos, guitar and bass and countless other instruments 

used to generate weird sounds. For instance 

at one point in the set, the singer/guitarist wanted 

to play a bit of slide guitar, so he did it with a 

sword. This may sound wacky with it fitted perfectly 

within the mood of the evening. The set lasted 

three quarters of an hour, but it seemed shorter 

as everyone was so absorbed in it. Off the ‘Patty 

Patty e.p.’ they played ‘Inner Meet Me’, ‘The 

House Song’ and ‘She’s The One’, all recreated 

faithfully in a live context with almost everything 

on the record played, but better because you are 

actually there watching it. Everyone’s dancing 

along whilst witnessing one of the best gigs they 

have ever viewed. If there is one band in Britain 

which must be seen, then The Beta Band is it. 

Film Review: As Good 

As It Gets (15) 

Bruce Chapman 

Jack Nicholson, Helen 

Hunt, Cuba Gooding Jr 

Bitter, twisted, homophobic, 

xenophobic, indescribably 

un-PC yet jaw achingly 

funny dialogue is what 

comes from the mouth of 

slush fiction writer, Melvin 

Udall in Nicholson’s comeback 

vehicle, As Good As 

It Gets. 

Melvin suffers from an 

obsessive-compulsive disorder. 

This basically means 

that he is Phoebe from 

Friends meets Andy 

Kauffmann wacko and 

utterly tactless with everyone 

he meets - this guy 

must have size 12 feet 

judging the way he manges 

to put them in it. The main 

brunt of his rantings are 

gay neighbour Simon and 

sassy waitress Carol (Hunt), 

who gives as good as she 

gets just to let off the steam 

that builds up from caring 

for her sick son. 

Only when Simon is hospitalised 

and Melvin has to 

care for his ugly, yet 

endearing dog does the film 

really kick in. Through 

looking after the mutt (that 

he had previously posted 

down the garbage chute) an 

act of kindness is witnessed 

and Melvin slowly becomes 

more human and the audience 

witnesses yet further 

good deeds. 

Nicholson plays the nutter 

in this fresh romantic comedy 

very convincingly. 

Sneering, yet at the same 

time smiling, he manages to 

portray freak and friend 

very well. Hunt demolishes 

her performance in actionfest 

Twister, but she couldn’t 

have done anything but. 

Gooding Jr is the same 

character from Jerry 

Maguire, but that’s not such 

a bad thing! 

If you’re a PC Points of 

View watcher this is As 

Good As It Gets, as there’s 

enough mileage in this to 

keep you going until the 

cows come home. If, however, 

you’re a regular kind 

of guy or gal, this is a marvellous 

dialogue and character 

driven comedy that’s 

knocking on the door of 

Titanic / Good Will 

Hunting / LA Confidential 

and Boogie Nights for 

Oscar honours. The only 

thing that lets it down is the 

couples in the back seats 

snogging factor! 

9/10

n 

■ Don’t break the law, change the 

law. Saturday 28 March 

■ Abbi, Hangover and buffalo = 

four stitches 

■ Hey gorgeous Nav......HAPPY 

BIRTHDAY!! 

■ Jo - when’s the offy open 

■ Krust 2. Helen 13. The gap is 

getting longer. 

■ The more I think, the more worrying 

I get 

■ Swpitwist 

■ To be, or not to be. That is the 

question. Whether ‘tis nobler in 

the mind to suffer the slings... 

■ Missing Minibus. Last seen left 

on hill. 

■ I want to be a foot 

stool!!!!!!!!!!! So i can get a job.... 

■ Oh my God it’s gonna be so bad 

like you can’t believe!!! 

■ LARGE TIMES Sucks !!!!!! 

■ Dangerous Sports Club equals 

parachute club AGM, see notices 

■ I must out sometime (fnar fnar) 

love from Dexter (you know my 

real name) 

■ Weyside Birds 4 Daryl (+ little 

friend in Onslow Road) 

■ No one’s doubting your nasal 

integrity - Kryten 

■ Marcus, you’re 2nd year SOMS 

!!!! 

■ Helen. You and Jon are wearing 

the same sweaters AGAIN. 

(Paddington) 

■ Handy tip: Don’t bother with 

the new series of “Telly Addicts”. 

It’s getting far too easy... 

■ Silly just once a week, but 

MAD all March! 

■ You the teenage witch, dress up 

smart!!! “” 

■ Hi!! I am a big fat turtle!!! 

■ Girl: Hi, I’m Wood, Bloke: Is 

that Wood as in a Plank 

■ Spiderman, Mike The Cheat 

And Homo Andy 

■ Found 1 bottle of extra Virgin 

Olive Oil 

■ Emma - please can I watch TV 

in your room, I’ll bring my own 

duvet 

■ Run out of loo roll Just look 

for a hampster! 

■ To be, or not to be. That is the 

question. Whether ‘tis nobler in 

the mind to suffer the slings... 

and arrows of outrageous fortune, 

or to misquote a verse of 

Shakespear. You know who I am! 

■ Marcus, you’re 2nd year SOMS 

!!!! 

■ To the new sabbaticals:well 

done!!! 

■ How’s your fat bird Mr Pink 

■ My foots better but I haven’t got 

any do-nuts now. UM 

Thursday 19th March1998 

■ Dave and Giles playing table 

tennis, at four in the morning It’s 

enough to make anyone flip. 

■ This week ( and last week) I 

have been mostly wearing womens 

clothing!! 

■ The Gulshan BETTER THAN 

THAT, THE BOMBEY SPICE!! 

LOST - MEMORY FROM LAST 

FEW FRIDAY NIGHTS, IF 

FOUND PLEASE CONTACT 

BRAVEHEART!! 

■ Silly just once a week, but 

MAD all March! 

■ Mad March Measures - Are you 

seeing double 

■ Go Mad for £2.25 at the Rat’s 

Castle - Bargain! 

■ pushtara ! Do you want to be 

my personal bodyguard Love... 

■ Karina! Davai vypiem za nashe 

zdorovie!!! You know who I am, 

don’t you 

■ Kareem! Vice President of the 

Russian society is waiting for you 

in WC. Bring the contract. 

■ Kat’s finally a fully fledged student. 

She’s off her trolly!!! From 

27. 

■ NURSE STEPH, HAPPY 

‘HALF WAY TO FORTY’ 

BIRTHDAY. LOVE EM AND 

MICHELLE 

■ Alan & Duncan - Locksmiths 

and handymen for all occasions. 

■ DF - “Always ready for a large 

one”. 

■ Wanted for DJ Donuts: New 

Coat, present coat need not apply 

I want to be a foot stool!!!!!!!!!!! 

So i can get a job.... 

■ Stop Putting the personals about 

me in 3 F*****g times a 

week!!!!!!! 

■ Wanted for DJ Donuts: New 

Coat, present coat need not apply 

■ I want to be a foot 

stool!!!!!!!!!!! So i can get a job.... 

■ You the teenage witch, dress up 

smart!!! “” 

■ “Dirty, Sweaty B*ll*cks”, but 

then I am Irish - Emmet Browne 

■ “Avez-avez-un-vesh-vesh, I’d 

rather have a Kim” - Matt ‘98 

■ There’s this bloke and he’s got a 

pork pie on his head... 

■ Happy Birthday Little JO!!!!!! 

■ Sandra, Angela & Sara at 

Ministry of Sound Warning, 

wild girls loose. 

■ Hello Is that the AA The 

M25’s moved to Guildford railway 

station! 

■ Get some morals Essex-boy! 

■ Stop nicking our food you 

Essex ba**ard! 

■ SCORE SCORE SCORE 

SCORE SURE SURE SURE!!! 

■ Alright D.C. got any bat gas!! 

NOP will be conducting a survey on 

Telecoms today. All survey personnel will 

carry identification, and would appreciate 

your co-operation, though you’re not obliged 

to answer any questions. 

There will be a meeting to discuss possible 

modifications to Hazel Farm in response 

to many of the recent complaints. This 

meeting will be at 8 p.m. on Tuesday 24th 

March, (Week 10) in the Hazel Farm 

Common Room. 

Mens Hockey Club AGM, 24th March, 

8pm, after training at the Varsity Centre. All 

members please attend. 

Games Soc EGM to elect a new Treasurer. 

Wednesday 25th March, 1pm, upstairs in the 

Union. Contact Eric Freeman for details. 

566272. 

University Swimmers. There will be no 

swimming 9-10pm at the Spectrum on the 

following Monday nights: March 23rd, 

May 11th. 

WINDSURFING CLUB. Windsurfing 

tops for sale £32.50, mostly navy blue, some 

other colours available. Contact Adam, ext. 

4241, cv42ab or via the windsurfing pigeon 

■ Oh my God it’s gonna be so bad 

like you can’t believe!!! 

■ Hi!! I am a big fat turtle!!! 

■ Green Shirt for Prime Minister! 

■ If you are at someone else’s 

house, wet,and wearing only a 

towel, make sure you go in the 

right room 

■ Did anyone hear about Chris’s 

cosy cross-dressing co-habitation 

(no lard though) 

■ The Cub loves the Bug! 

■ Hello house of 95 Addison 

Road, SS. 

■ FMF, Where are you Where 

did you go this weekendSS 

■ Dave.C.M, I love you; your 

lover H. 

■ Chinese for all courtesy of 

Andrew !!! 

■ LARGE TIMES Sucks !!!!!! 

■ Girl: Hi, I’m Wood, Bloke: Is 

that Wood as in a Plank 

■ Cath Court Metal man prepares 

weaponry to subdue rival 

■ Cath Court metal man and Dex 

limber up for the battle of the 

Goths! 

■ Dexter looks desperatley for a 

safe corner (or should!!) 

■ Ooo aarr Davey Coulthard, I 

said ooo arr Davey Coulthard. 

■ Lesson One for making a race 

of it. Go through the pits every 

10th lap. 

■ MATTHEW whats that I can 

smell ... Bullshit 

■ SPIDERMAN, MIKE THE 

CHEAT AND HOMO ANDY 

■ ALL GOT BERNIE ON FRI- 

DAY!!! 

■ Hi from all the L.I.S people to 

those back in Guildford. 

■ Jim why haven’t you written to 

spam yet 

■ MATTHEW, whats that in your 

pants .. Talking Bollocks 

■ oH nO, Not nEarlY again! 

■ the crash of the day award goes 

to.... 

■ BOING! BOING! BOING! 

■ Hope you and your Mum had a 

good Birthday last weekend! 

■ It’s nearly all over now! FP. 

■ Hey, what’s 1000 miles between 

friends 

■ Hope you and your Mum had a 

good Birthday last weekend! 

■ It’s nearly all over now! FP. 

■ Hey, what’s 1000 miles between 

friends 

■ There was a flood down Mr 

Valleys, on drag night, straight into 

a Somerset River in 25AA19. 

■ House available, for 4, Spring 

Semester 1999, call Bimbo, ext. 

4842... 

■ How much for 20 kilos of 20 

Newton concrete ALC ‘E’ - 

thole. We still meet every Friday at 1pm 

upstairs in the Union. All abilities welcome. 

Anyone interested in doing the RYA level 

one beginners course after Easter, please 

contact Adam (above). 

Reminder to all Final Year Economists: 

Please return yearbook forms before the end 

of week 10. 

English tuition required! 

Overseas student is looking for help with 

writing English. 2-3 sessions a week if possible 

(paid). Contact ext.4183 room No. 2 

(after 7 pm) 

Room available in student house off 

Northway about 15 mins from campus. Rent 

£195 pcm until July All mod cons, newly 

refurbished etc. Phone (01483) 504629 

Oscar Film Unit E.G.M.: Election of new 

Treasurer, Tuesday 24th March 1998, LT H 

at 6p.m. Anyone wishing to stand for the 

position of Treasurer please leave a note in 

the OFU pigeonhole ASAP. 

Volunteers needed to help blind student 

type up coursework, fill in application forms 

and other general administration. Any help 

welcome. Please call Supriya, Ext 4240. 

Personals 

Notices 

Twenty bloody quid I heard. 

■ Worn a skirt recently Cushway I 

hear all love Moneypenny 

■ Posh Spice, how long does a 

back massage take. 

■ Cathy the alcoholic has now 

become Cathy the pizza monster. 

■ John Chews Doors continues his 

incredible record of coming second!!! 

■ Katy is dispicable 

■ Ali is SHANDYBOY!!!!!!!! 

■ Meera, does Havi want to use 

your mobile phone or something! 

■ Naz, stop attracting all the bangali 

guys at Bo’s!!Next time tell 

them to f**k off! 

■ Chetan where are you 

■ SIMON! The sexiest Nurse 

around! Can’t wait to meet you ! 

Give me 1 more week just after 

exams! 

■ S.E. - Leave the Beautiful North 

alone!! - Y.R.A. 

■ Loudmouth in International 

Marketing - SHUT UP!! 

■ Look out Div.3 - here come the 

Shaymen! 

■ Have you met the Virgin Mary - 

she’s blonde alledgedly 

■ Johnnie Boy was in the building. 

Nice one chap!! 

■ Smurf and his late nite phone 

calls - whatever next 

■ Those 2nd Year EconomIcs 

ladies are...swEEt!!! 

■ Newly opened-the Fake 

American Accent Club! Come to 

Hazel Farm and sign up with 

Aswani! 

■ Give a hoot, don’t pollute.. use 

public transport.. like the Hazel 

Farm bus! 

■ HOW MANY MORE BLOKES 

CAN YOU PULL BEFORE 

EASTER MEV 

■ Spanking = Ginger Spice or 

School Uniform Spice 

■ G, the union’s the same, so it’s 

back to school on a friday then 

Chris, moral victories don’t count 

in poker!!! BP 

■ Sam you slag!! 

■ Does anyone know the quantumbitchumboobalator 

■ I wonder which four films green 

shirt went to see this week 

■ Once we’d cut the burnt bits off 

it was fine, and the butter icing 

was superb, and Ruth loved it. 

■ GREEN SHIRT GREEN SHIRT 

GREEN SHIRT! WE LOVE 

YOU!!! 

■ Run dexter run dexter run run 

run, bang! bang! bang! goes metal 

mans gun! 

■ Short fat troglodide twat, found 

that safe corner yet 

■ Dexter - drop her and RUN 

Notices & Personals 9 

FOR YOUR LIFE!! 

■ When will DJ donuts make a 

live appearance in onestop 

■ How do they make the hole to 

put the jam in DJ DONUTS 

■ This week i have been mostly 

eating DONUTS!!!!!!!! 

■ Prolong your race lesson 1: 

Avoid anyone named Schumacher 

■ I don’t care. That is our ball you 

are playing with. 

■ Smegnet alert !!! Mark has 

power. Operation 1.1.1.3 

■ Happy 21st Birthday Andy 

R.!!!!SS 

■ My bollocks are multi-talented, 

you forgot to mention that they 

sing, dance and play guitar. 

■ Sexy on Wandle 2 - how’s 

progress with you know who 

■ Tanya!, why don’t you like the 

White House anymore xxx 

■ Kate, is it easy resisting your 

Civ Eng floor mate 

■ wEnd plays pool better when 

she an ickle bit drunk! 

■ wEnd SEX... in a TELEPHONE 

BOX... With our reputation... at 

12am... Oh Well! 

■ wEnd K. is gorgeous no matter 

what she thinks!! 

■ Bilingual matthew, fluent in 

Bollocks 

■ Oi Bunny Bird, WHERE’S MY 

PORRIDGE! 

■ Nice one GI, and about time 

too! 

■ come see the violence inherent 

in the system...don’t you oppress 

me - just let me bloody snore! 

■ so MEV, how many geezers 

before Easter 

■ Thanks to the student who kindly 

provided the references from 

professor Miles on dyslexia. Ypu 

saved my dissertation! 

■ Beware Mr Ellis you are being 

watched!!! 

■ Newcastle will win the 

Premiumship so watch out you 

Lot!! 

■ Nicole, now that Ian is here 

don’t make too much noise banging 

in the shower! 

The G&S Society are having their AGM on 

Monday 23rd March at 7.30pm in 

TB18. 

Decriminalise Cannabis March. Sat 28th 

March, assemble Midday at the reformer’s 

tree in Hyde Park, for march to Trafalgar 

Square. Keep ‘em peeled for more details. 

For Sale BC-06 Photo Cartridge for 

BCC240 Canon colour printer. James B, 

4216 

Postgrad Association barndance, Fri 20th 

March, tickets £3. Hall Bar, 8pm. Contact 

PGA via pigeon hole for details. 

EGM - Postgrad Association. To elect a 

new President and Vice-President, 6pm 

Wates House, Tuesday 24th March 

Christian Union are holding a quiz night on 

Friday 20th March from 

7.00pm-9.00pm In the Library restaurant, 

free refreshments and entry and 

also prizes to the most knowledgable teams. 

Fancy a bit of International Rugby after 

the exams The Sanyo Cup at Twickenham 

will feature the star-studded World XV versus 

1998 English Club Champions on Sat 

■ H “I’ve had enough sexual 

encounters for one day... and now 

I’m dripping!” 

■ “Do you want to come, for a bit 

of tart, in 1A” 

■ “Oi, Jarvis, Get yer “Cock-up- 

Her” next time but hey, remember 

the talcum powder!” 

■ Hey, “big ears” Could you not 

face the fat on the burgers on 

Saturday 

■ ‘cos you ate too much fat on 

Friday Night!!. 

■ Hey gorgeous Nav......HAPPY 

BIRTHDAY!! 

■ So you think you are going to 

have a great Birthday party Nav 

■ One WEYSIDE BIRD looking 

for a funky bloke....Anyone up for 

it... 

■ 2nd year Psychologists - united 

in stress.........!!!! 

■ WEYSIDE BIRDS...look out 

london!!!!! 

■ Ginger pete - I LOVE 

YOU!!!!!!!! 

■ Roses are red Violets are blue 

Sara likes rugby players and Becca 

Does too!! 

■ Weyside birds at Bo’s - shocking 

behaviour 

■ Hey Dazza - We think you’re 

great. You the man 

■ Jo - when’s the offy open 

■ Weyside Birds 4 Daryl (+ little 

friend in Onslow Road) 

■HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my best 

friend NAV....Have a ball on your 

B’day! From ur “true” friend!!! 

■To the G4 of Worplesdon 

Rd.....Kick some S.C Ass!!!!! 

■Looks like Liz and Chris had a 

really good Friday night out! 

■Looks like Chris has worked his 

‘Ice man’ into the Grange! 

■Liz and Chris - you were made 

for each other xxx 

■So Julie hot date with that guy 

you pulled on Thursday Don’t 

worry love he wasn’t that 

DODGY....... much, love Krustie. 

23rd May (end wk 14) Tickets £20 or £26 

including transport. Contact Alex Langley, 

ext 4739, Email cv31al 

Badminton Club AGM, Tuesday week 14 

(28th April), Grant Mitchell Room, 7pm. 

Netgamer AGM, 29th April, 7:30 LTB 

Email netgamer@ee.surrey.ac.uk 

Graduation photos 

Are you graduating this year Do you want 

a photo the moment of presentation of your 

degree(i.e.you actually getting your certificate.) 

Other photos are taken anyway, so 

would this be too intrusive Please Email 

your views to the Union President 

(su-pres) or fill in a Union suggestion slip. 

Room Available next year. House on 

Canterbury Road, 15 mins walk. All mod 

cons. £48 per week plus bills. Will be sharing 

with three girls. Phone Antonia x4358 

or Claire x4219. 

Do you want to be involved in producing a 

film this summer It will be on Campus 

you’ll learn useful skills. Meeting in the 

Grant Mitchell Room at 6pm, 24th March , 

or ring Wendy on ext 4705 

Korean Society AGM, 27 March 6pm 

Wates House. Contact Young-Tae Cho 

236149

10 Features Thursday 19th March 1998 n 

Dear Russ 

Dr Russ replies 

Is it worth using a recruitment agency to try to find employment 

Graduation Ball Committee: 

It’s all shaping up nicely 

Dear Jenny 

Over the years I’ve come across many different views about 

recruitment agencies. They range from “I wouldn’t touch 

them with a barge-pole” to “There’s no way I would have 

got my job without their help”. So why are they so controversial 

I believe there are two reasons. The first arises 

from a misconception. Graduates often worry that it will be 

expensive to use an agency. Actually, it is illegal for an 

agency to charge you for their services. They make their 

money by charging the employer who asked them to deal 

with the vacancy in the first place. So, first worry over 

with. 

The second reason has more substance. Many new graduates 

have found agencies to be rather unhelpful when they 

have first contacted them. This is because agencies are 

mainly interested in people who have experience relevant to 

their client’s needs. New graduates often don’t have quite 

what they are looking for, hence the cold shoulder. 

Fortunately, University of Surrey graduates who have a 

Professional Year under their belt aren’t in this position. 

They have something to offer and agencies are likely to 

show much more interest. Remember, though, that at the 

end of the day agencies only want to make money from 

placing you. They are quite likely to encourage you to 

accept a job offer even if you’re not entirely happy with it. 

I’m often asked how to track down agencies who deal with 

particular jobs. Fortunately, there is a very comprehensive 

directory called the FRES Yearbook of Recruitment 

Agencies in the Careers Service which lists them all according 

to their areas of specialism. Another way to find out the 

particularly active agencies is to scan the advertisement 

pages in appropriate journals e.g. Personnel Today or 

Computer Weekly. The chances are that the agencies advertising 

there will tend to specialise in that area and you can 

give them a ring to see what else they’ve got on their books. 

Finally, you may like to know that in some years as many as 

10% of Surrey’s graduates obtain their first job through a 

recruitment agency. For me this is convincing evidence that 

they are worth using. 

Russ Clark 

Careers Service 

The arguments over 

value for money at 

the Charter Ball will 

not be repeated at 

this year’s Charter 

Ball because it will 

be the best ever, 

argue Sally Kentfield 

and ‘Wilf’ from the 

Charter Ball 

Committee.... 

The Graduation Ball committee 

have been organising 

and arranging since last 

November. We have already 

had our plans approved by 

the relevant Union Club 

managers and we are working 

closely with them to 

ensure that the event will be 

of the superb quality befitting 

the culmination of 4 

years spent studying at this 

University. We’re still waiting 

for the final thumbs up 

from Senate House on some 

aspects of the plans. Our 

aim (financially) is to break 

even on the event. Next 

week in BareFacts we will 

be printing a copy of the 

budget to show where the 

large costs are, and what 

happens as more tickets are 

sold. 

This ball will be the best 

Graduation Ball ever, and 

we have already started 

work on Grad Ball 1999! 

The tickets will be on sale 

during weeks 11 through 15. 

You will receive the event 

programme with your ticket 

allowing you time to digest 

the information and therefore 

ensure that guests don’t 

miss out on all the entertainments 

which will be happening. 

Members are 

allowed two guest tickets 

each so please obtain your 

ticket sooner rather than 

later so not to be disappointed. 

By Comparison ...... 

Surrey Colours Ball £40 

Dinner & Disco (Evening) 

Surrey Grad Ball*** £50 

Bands, Discos, Ents, Food 

(All night) 

Newcastle Grad Ball £40 

Disco at local nightclub 

(Evening) 

Oxford Trinity Grad Ball 

£90 Bands, Discos, Ents, 

Food, Drink (All night) 

DeMontford Grad Ball £30 

Disco £40 Disco & Food 

(Evening) 

New College Oxford Grad 

Ball £115 Bands, Discos, 

Ents, Food, Drink (All 

Night) 

(*** in our opinion, best all 

round night of entertainment 

for the lowest money 

possible) 

Hopes are high for live music outdoors.... 

...and if the noise regulations are too tight, it will be housed in a marquee


The OFU 

Easter 

Bonanza 

On Sunday 22nd and Monday 

23rd of March there will be 

movie mania as we bring to 

you 4 films an 2 days. On 

Sunday we will be showing 

Bullitt and Event Horizon. 

Bullitt is a classic Steve 

Mcqueen car chase movie. 

He plays the part of Frank 

Bullitt who is selected by a 

dodgy politician to guard a 

mafia informant. Bullitts 

friend is shot and the witness 

is left at deaths door by 2 hitmen 

who seem to know 

exactly where the witness 

was hiding. Bullitt begins a 

search for the killers and the 

leak but Mr politician is not 

best pleased and tries to shut 

down the investigation. The 

film is Event Horizon, the 

year is 2047 and 7 years have 

passed since the mysterious 

disappearance of Event 

Horizon, a spaceship that was 

sent to explore the outer limits 

of the solar system. Now it 

is time for a rescue mission 

and with its return comes 

something even more mysterious 

as the crew discover the 

real truth behind its disappearance 

and something even 

more terrifying. 

Mondays films will be 

Chasing Amy and The 

Devil’s Advocate. Chasing 

Amy is another fantastic film 

directed by Kevin Smith of 

Clerks fame, and stars Ben 

Affleck and Matt Damon of 

Good Will Hunting fame. 

Holden and Banky are best 

friends and authors of a popular 

comic book called 

“Bluntman and Chronic” 

(based on Jay and Silent Bob 

from Clerks). Holden falls in 

love with Alyssa, also a 

comic book artist and who 

happens to be a lesbian. 

Holden’s new relationship 

with Alyssa strains his life 

long friendship with Banky 

and soon the relationship 

between Holden and Alyssa 

hits trouble due to Holden not 

being able to deal with 

Alyssa’s 

past. 

The Devil’s Advocate stars 

Keanu Reeves and Al Pacino. 

Reeves plays Kevin Lomax, a 

ruthless young florida attorney 

that has never lost a case 

and is recruited by the most 

powerful law firm in the 

world. He and his wife move 

to the city but soon she begins 

to dislike the place and his 

job. She urges him to quit and 

go back to Florida. The 

longer he works however, the 

more his wife makes sense, 

but is it too late to get out 

Reserve your tickets via the 

post box in the union post 

room or purchase a special 

ticket for the bargainous price 

of only 3 quid for 2 films. 

This Wednesday we are 

showing Swingers which is a 

brilliant story of a guy who is 

helped back into the social 

scene by his friends after 

leaving his girlfriend. Go and 

see it cos its good. 

Easter holidays are looming... 

How about a week away from Surrey AND the chance to 

add to your CV. 

Through the Leonardo Project (led by the University’s 

Educational Liaison Centre), there are 3 opportunities 

available to any under-graduate or recent graduate to visit 

GERMANY, FINLAND or DENMARK for a week during 

the Easter vacation. 

Return flight will be paid as will half board and a subsistence 

allowance. 

You will be required to take part in some research the skills 

that SMEs (small and medium sized enterprises) seek from 

graduates. You will have the chance to see how SMEs operate 

in Europe and perhaps have the opportunity of some 

work experience at a later date. 

For more information, please contact Jackie Newman or 

Rodney Bates in the Educational Liaison Centre or contact 

us on ext: 3177. 

STUDENT COUNCIL 

Thursday 26th March - Week 10 

6 PM in Lecture Theatre D 

Agenda 

1. Apologies for Absence 

2. Minutes from previous meeting 

3. Matters Arising: Charter Ball Report 

4. Union Officer and Sabbatical Reports 

5. Elections 

6. Motions: (i) Clubs and Societies motion 

7. Hazel Farm Update 

8. Debate on decriminalisation of Cannabis 

9. AOB 

Come along to take part in heated debate, meet your new 

Union Officers, and have your say in Union Business. 

‘Cheeks’ Nightclub advertisement - supplied on Zip 

Disk (unmarked, Mac format) as last week 

Features & Notices 

Crossword No. 69 

Down: 

1. Lotteries (7) 

2. The Pope (7) 

3. Tidy (4) 

4. Young domestic fowl (6) 

5. Chew the cud (8) 

6. French river (5) 

7. Type of water-lily (5) 

12. Alienate (8) 

15. Kind of hunting-dog (7) 

16. Looks at (7) 

17. Old Testament prophet (6) 

18. Merriment (5) 

19. At no time (5) 

21. Cut with scissors (4) 

GI’s battle to 

reach County 

Cup final 

Saturday 14th March 

1998. 

Oakhall 1: University 

of Surrey FC A 2 

T 

he USFC A Team, 

commonly known as 

the GI’s (Graduates 

& Industrials), beat 

Caterham-based Oakhall 2- 

1 in the Surrey County 

Lower Junior Cup Semifinal 

today, to go through to 

the Final in April. 

The GI’s took the lead twice 

with goals in each half, a 

volley from Matt Seaman 

and a delicate far-post 

header from Neil Harvie, all 

the more unusual given the 

Across: 

1. To mature (5) 

4. A sunshade (7) 

8. Kind of pigeon (3-4) 

9. Damp (5) 

10. Animal’s Den (4) 

11. Lack of generosity (8) 

13. Most secure (6) 

14. A dazed state (6) 

18. Large baboon (8) 

20. Heather (4) 

22. Type of crow (5) 

23. Caretaker (7) 

24. Welsh town (7) 

25. A European capital (5) 

Last weeks solution 

Across: 7.quench 8.square 9.skip 10.phantoms 11.strident 13.bard 

14.volt 16.tartness 18.listless 21.rick 22.études 23.lopped 

Down: 1.junket 2.unspoilt 3.shipment 4.Asia 5.hurt 6.tremor 

12.throstle 13.bankrupt 15.opiate 17.socket 19.tidy 20.East 

Crossword compiled by Jeff Blackham 

extreme height of virtually 

every member of the 

Oakhall team, except the 

keeper! Outstanding performances 

came from VOB* 

Nairn Salter at left midfield, 

bravely staying on the pitch 

after what looked like a 

match-ending ankle injury, 

and Jon-Paul Samuels, at 

right back, who managed to 

contain one of the fastest 

number 10’s to have lined 

up against us all season. 

The final will be at ISIS 

League Molesley’s ground, 

at 7.30 pm on Tuesday 28th 

April. 

Tony Sammut

12 Sport Thursday 19th March 1998 n 

British Trampoline Federation 

Elementary Coaching Course 

A four day coaching course (total 24 hours) 

has been arranged from Friday 1st - Monday 

4th May inclusive, 9.00 a.m. - 5.00 p.m. 

Anyone interested should contact Sally Edie 

at Campusport on Extn. 9891. The cost, 

including membership and exam fee is 

£113. 

Interdepartmental Presentations 

Please come and join us for the end of year 

I.D. presentations on Wednesday 25th 

March, 1.00 p.m. at the Varsity Centre. The 

Rev Dr Robin Harvey, who was appointed 

Anglican Chaplain in January, will be presenting 

the trophies and awards to the teams 

and individuals who have taken part in the 

programme. 

See you there. 

Surrey take silver at the British 

Universities’ Trampolie 

Championships 

In February Surrey University hosted the 

southern region British Universities 

Trampoline Championships and 6 of our 

students qualified for the Novice and 

Intermediate Finals which took place at 

Bath on Sunday 8th March. These students 

were Cathy Ferguson, Abigail Kaye, 

Christopher Wilkes-Green, Graham Bird, 

Natalie Ford and Anthonia Bayliss. 

These regional finalists were joined by the 

‘Open’ category at Bath which attracted a 

further seventy competitors from as far 

north as Edinburgh University to the Welsh 

Universities and in the south, Kent and 

Plymouth. Many of these competitors were 

open and national British Trampoline 

Federation ranking including two first year 

T 

he weekend started at 4.30am 

Saturday morning, for the long 

trip up to Manchester for the 

Jitsu nationals. The session started at 

10.00am and for a change we made it 

half an hour early. The day started 

with a training session which was 

good, as we meet our friends from 

other clubs and introduced ourselves to 

other people we would meet again later 

in the evening. 

The competitions that afternoon saw 

most people dying, except for Lee who 

made it to the 2nd round of his heats 

and Pom who made it to the semi 

finals. Once we finished we made it 

back to our hotel and went out to eat at 

Fatty’s. We recommend you go a day 

before you are hungry as the service 

was ten times slower than reaching the 

bar on a FNO. 

The official evening entertainment was 

once again in a nightclub, hired out 

just for Jitsukas ..... 

Due to Dave’s (in)famous navigating 

skills (just ask the Hiking club) we 

started by re-visiting our own hotel 

before finally finding the way to central 

Manchester. Even then, the nightclub 

remained elusive and we were 

Campusport 

students from Surrey University - Caroline 

Smith (Nursing) and Louisa Phillipson 

(Chemistry). After performing their compulsory 

and voluntary routines the very 

close scoring resulted in Caroline Smith taking 

the Silver Medal and Louisa being 

placed a creditable sixth position. Caroline 

is also a member of the Portsmouth 

Trampoline Club and is ranked 7th in the 

British Over-18 Ladies at National level. 

She was placed 1st in the Nissan 

Championship in Switzerland last year and 

has ambitions to be included in the top 5 of 

the British National Finals this year. 

Well done to you all! 

Week 10 - venue changes for aerobics 

classes 

A four day coaching course (total 24 hours) 

has been arranged from Friday 1st - Monday 

4th May inclusive, 9.00 a.m. - 5.00 p.m. 

Anyone interested should contact Sally Edie 

at Campusport on Extn. 9891. The cost, 

including membership and exam fee is 

£113. 

Interdepartmental Presentations 

Please come and join us for the end of year 

I.D. presentations on Wednesday 25th 

March, 1.00 p.m. at the Varsity Centre. The 

Rev Dr Robin Harvey, who was appointed 

Anglican Chaplain in January, will be presenting 

the trophies and awards to the teams 

and individuals who have taken part in the 

programme. 

See you there. 

Latin American Evening - Friday 

20th March. Don’t forget! 

A lyrical evening of lambada! 

dropped in the general area to ask 

directions ourselves (even the locals 

seemed confused!!). The journey was 

worth it though - the social was in part 

of a very nice hotel and the queue for 

the bar reminded us of home, even if 

the barmaid didn’t know what 

A grim week for the sports mafia. Still no match results (not even the tiddly winks team, dammit), and still no news from them (except the hero runners, footballers, and jiu-jitsu club. 

And not forgetting the staying power of Dickie’s column). There’s no special comment in capital letters from master-sportster Cazza. And they haven’t brought back the chairs, either. 

S 

Run Forest, Run! 

o its 7 a.m. Sunday morning and 

we’re out of bed to go and watch the 

Reading half marathon, at this point 

you might think we’re mad, but not as mad 

as the lads actually running it! The mad men 

concerned (Alex Langley - organiser, Adam 

Bowen, Bimbo, Wurzel, Cookie, Mike 

Collins, Ross Nichol, Jamie Balfour and 

Rob Orton) were running to raise cash for 

“charity mate” (Imperial Cancer Research) 

and all completed the gruelling task, impressively 

in under 2 hours. 

Our support tactics included going to 

Burger King, which was coincidentally the 

nine-mile mark. When they finally arrived 

we cheered raucously and regardless of their 

exhausted state all were in good spirits, with 

Marathon runners before embarking on their historic run 

Jiu Jitsu club hits Manchester 

“snakebite” was. The bouncers 

appeared far more friendly than some 

around Guildford, however (or maybe 

they were smart enough _not_ to pick 

a fight with several Jitsu black-belts 

around)!! The club chat-up line of, 

“I’m not fat, I’m not ugly but I am cute 

and cuddly” worked its usual wonders 

(none), at least for the male members 

of the group (women don’t need chatup 

lines - especially Hannah!!). The 

evening still hadn’t ended at 3:30 am 

when the remaining member tried to 

make her way home after “buying” a 

round of water and realising she didn’t 

know where our hotel was. She 

arrived back safely thanks to 

Portsmouth Jitsu club and a knowledgable 

cabbie, only to discover Dave 

and Des were still conscious and in the 

bar having one last attempt to pull for 

the night. 

Needless to say, everyone awoke 1. 

alone and 2. in their own bed the next 

morning, for an eat-as-much-as-youcan-without-throwing-up 

breakfast. 

This was fine until some psycho decided 

we should do about five warm-ups 

at training: Hannah was travel sick just 

from jogging!! At least one person 

was seen running towards the toilets 

after a few minutes but we all survived 

and spent the morning trying to recall 

who we met last night. 

After another uneventful journey (no 

fights with minis or bridges, take note 

Hiking!) home, we were glad of a wellearned 

rest ... until the gradings. 

Once again, those who managed to 

wake up in time to get the (imaginary) 

minibus to grade all did very well, 

especially Pom and Siobhan who 

achieved the highest marks in their 

colour belts. So it’s congratulations to: 

Jeremy Staines, Clare Greenaway, 

Dave Hamilton, Ioannis Katsaros 

(John), Maria Lackberg, R 

Rochanaroon (Pom), Mike Robinson 

and Siobhan Corbett. 

If you’re interested in learning more 

about Jiu Jitsu, leave a note in the 

pigeonhole or look at our web site: 

http://www.ee.surrey.ac.uk/Societies/jitsu/ 

L 

Dickie Saulet 

Spots Editor 

one member of the group even managing to 

put his pulling skills to good use – nice one 

Rob! 

The runners reported the last 4 miles to be 

an uphill struggle, this was reflected by the 

relieved look on their faces when the finish 

line was in sight. However tired, all managed 

a cheesy grin for the camera – welldone 

lads! Thanks to Cazza for not only getting 

us there but also offering endless enthusiasm 

for all marathon runners! Finally, a 

special thanks to all of those who sponsored 

the group. 

ast weekend. 

Incredible amazing. 

Where to start Who else 

was as gripped as I wsa 

watching the Irish coming 

so close to beating the arrogant 

French Gutted I was. 

What I cannot believe is that 

a pivotal moment of the 

game went unnoticed by the 

referee, the linesmen and 

more astonishingly the 

press. I am talking about 

the moment that France’s 

captain knocked out the 

Irish hooker, Keith Wood. 

Those who have a small 

idea of what Wood is all 

about will not be surprised 

that he has not complained, 

but his substitution coincided 

with the first of the two 

Birds (Sarah Crisp, Helen Davies and 

Ruth Scanlan). 

Dickie’s sporting 

column 

french tries. Incredible that 

such an incident can go 

unpunished. 

Meanwhile the national 

press has got its heckles up 

over the latest F1 “saga”. 

How dare David Couthard 

be a sportsman and a man of 

his word What a diaster to 

see that someone has such 

values. Whilst it cannot be 

denied that no one expected 

such a thing to happen, all 

this rubbish that F1 is no 

longer a race etc is surely 

going over the top. It cannot 

be forgotten that this is a 

team sport after all. 

Further congratulations to 

both Surrey teams who were 

promoted this year. 

Hopefully this is just the 

start and other teams will be 

inspired to reach the same 

level of achievement.

Issue 933 - 19th March 1998 - University of Surrey's Student Union

You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles

Delete template?

Save as template?