Issue 02 - University of Surrey's Student Union

Cream or Custard with your Big Bang
By Andy Vale
On December 25th I can almost guarantee
that the Country will stop. I don’t mean we’ll all
die or sit in solemn silence; but whatever you
normally do for a day, you won’t do. Instead
you’ll find yourself doing all sorts of stuff just
because “that’s what you do.” Like eating
Turkey. I know no-one that eats Turkey outside
Christmas, it’s dry and tasteless.
This isn’t a negative Christmas article. I grow
tit-gropingly bored of them (it’s got me in
trouble before) and I wouldn’t want to add
to the ongoing crowd of idiots who moan
about every aspect of it but still take the day
off work. Nor am I going to be one of those
sudden earth mothers who say it’s become too
commercial. If you dislike Christmas because
it is too commercial then I’ll happily take any
presents of yours that I choose. Moreover, as
you despise partaking in commercial holidays,
I’ll sleep with your girlfriend on Valentine’s
Day too! What I am going to be looking at is
the religious side (PLEASE PLEASE KEEP
READING! DON’T LEAVE! THERE MAY BE RUDE
JOKES!)
According to the 2001 census just under 3/4
of the population was actually Christian. This
leaves about 15 000 000 people who don’t
give a fig for the true meaning of Christmas
and could thus be described as holiday
freeloaders. Now we can immediately take out
about 4 000 000 who belong to other religions
and thus have their own holidays, which
everyone could join in with if they wanted to.
So in other words, they are bringing something
to the table. Even the 390 000 FUNNY people
who put their religion as Jedi have someone
releasing computer games on their behalf on
a dead-horse-floggingly regular basis.
What about atheists There are about 10-12
000 000 in the country and I have never been
invited to an atheistic party. I have celebrated
many things with no religious theme, but never
heard of anyone welcoming everyone to have
a big party in honour of Darwin. There is a
difference between something like New Year’swhich
isn’t religious- and something which is
specifically made by Atheists. I have searched
and I can’t find a ‘Festival of Chemical Chance’
anywhere! Not even a recipe for Big Bang
Cake. Yet every year millions of atheists are
happy to take a nice holiday. It’s all well and
good playing the ‘I