Meet Melanie

Top 5
Out of the Box Things You Must Do This Summer
Editor’s
Note
By THE NUMBERS
Summer Facts
Social Media = Business
with Brian Honigman
Spotlight
Meet Melanie
BIZ Fashion
What Ali Wore
StraightSpeak
with David Hughes
Editor+Publisher
Sharon Ricci
CCO
Juli Yee
team
Design Team:
Addison Vacca
Shayne Heathfield
Kyle Gallant

OUTSIDE THE BOX
THINGS TO DO THIS SUMMER
1. White water tube
2. Swim nude in daylight
3. Tell the truth
4. Master double dutch
5. Swing over a river on a rope

EDITOR'S
NOTE
It’s late spring where Influence lives. And for this Editor, it’s a time to spread my wings, see
down the road (way past my neighborhood) and make beach plans that stretch weeks into
July. It’s also a time to take a few unexpected leaps, to venture into new territories and to
go outside the comfort zone. There’s something about all that bursting energy in the
garden that makes me want to do a little growing too!
This Issue is definitely in the spirit of stretching. As you can see by our cover, we’ve shone
the Influence Spotlight on a completely unique entrepreneur who’s shooting straight from
the heart.
When you Meet Melanie in the next few pages, you’ll get to know someone who’s creative,
talented, intriguing, brave, funny and succinct...you’ll meet someone who’s life tagline is
“Because Love Changed Everything” and that is something you’re going to want to read
more about!
On the summer soltice, June 21st, Melanie’s The Crucible Bookii launches. I know what
you’re thinking, “What the hell is a Bookii?”. I thought the same thing. But now I know. It’s
a near-real time memoir of Melanie’s life, her passions, her visions and some of the twists
and turns her life has taken and will take. Her writing is engaging, will keep you up past
bedtime and give you something to think about beachside this summer.
Here’s to an amazing Issue and to summer - may you find the courage to do at least one
thing on our 5 Out of the Box Things you Must Do this Summer list!
Enjoy,

HE WHO REACHES FOR THE
WHEN
WRITING THE
REACHES TOO
LOW
STORY OF YOUR
LIFE,
- Howard Smolkin
DON’T LET ANYONE ELSE HOLD THE PEN

8Y 7HE
NUM8ER5
fascinating, bite size facts about
The Season of summer.

in
summmer
94days
Number of
months in an
Italian child’s
summer vacation
Average degree
temperature of
water at Cape
Hatteras, NC
80
1
Number of
ounces of
sunscreen
Dermatologists
say you need to
apply
11
age of the boy
who invented
the first popsicle
29
Percentage
of people
who vote
Vanilla
their
favourite
ice cream
(making it
#1 by far)
Number of
American
holidays
during the
summer
season
3

THREE
APPS
for Strengthening Your
Online Relationships Offline
by Brian Honigman
Brian Honigman is the Digital Marketing Executive
at Marc Ecko Enterprises and a freelance writer for
Forbes, Mashable, Huffington Post and others.
Follow him on Twitter @BrianHonigman to
continue the conversation.
Social media allows anyone to connect with the masses and
share their opinion with anyone willing to listen. Most
people are connected with their friends, family, coworkers,
acquaintances and others they're familiar with in real life,
but social media has also given the opportunity to start
relationships online first with new people. Networking --
whether personal, professional or romantic -- has become
one of the most common activities happening today in
social media.
For instance, social networks like LinkedIn, Twitter and
Facebook would not have the success they've seen today if
not for the outright benefit of networking with people of
similar professional backgrounds, interests, philosophies
etc. Yet there still remains a substantial disconnect between
bringing your online relationships and experiences offline.
These three mobile apps work to fix this problem and bring
the power of your social networks to the real world, helping
you come face to face and get a chance to experience what
you've been seeing on your screen all along.

1. OverNear
OverNear is a new app still in beta that is best described as mix between a social
planner and Foursquare. The app allows you to check in at your current location or
to check in at a location you'll be at in the future. The ability to check in ahead of
time allows your contacts and connections to know when and where you'll be able
to meet if they are in the area. This app could work wonders if you're attending a
conference and want your contacts to know your location ahead of time. Planning
meet ups with your professional contacts just got a whole lot easier. OverNear also
notifies you when your friends on the app are nearby, giving you the most amount
of opportunities to connect offline. Privacy is a major focus of this app, allowing
users to customize which friends get alerts about their location. OverNear is less
about the discovery of new connections and more about taking your existing
online connections to the next level face to face.
2. Sonar
Sonar is a hyper-local social network with the goal of greater relevance between a
user and their connections. This mobile app taps into your existing social network
and alerts a user when their existing and future connections are nearby. Sonar pulls
info from a user's Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare and LinkedIn to highlight there
interests, location, job and more to help find the similarities between your
connections. The unique value in Sonar is that it can run in the background and
alert a user about their connections on the major social networks, even if there
connections aren't using the app. Although it isn't the main focus of the app, Sonar
also allows a user to pull similarities or shared connections between them to better
inform an introduction. Sonar seeks to be the "Here-Now" social network,
empowering users to learn more about their nearby connections to strengthen
these relationships in real life.
3. Circle
Circle is a highly visual location-based mobile app that helps connect users with
their nearby friends, asking users "Who's around?" as they login. This app, unlike
many of its competitors, is highly visual and pushes the limits of the iPhone
interface with a unique user experience. The Circle app functions similarly to other
location-based apps by alerting a user when their connections are nearby, but
Circle also helps to organize your different connections into groups based on how
you know them called networks. Circle breaks down connections as Professional,
Sports & Activities, Social, Organizations and your Networks. Your networks consists
of different groups a user can join covering a variety of interests, for example
everything spanning Apple Fans to Catholics. This segmentation is a similar concept
of circles on Google+, but is focused on better organizing your connections close to
your physical location and who is and isn't allowed to see you on the app. Privacy
was a major concern when location app Highlight was launched and Circle helps
solve those same issues, giving users full control of who can and can't see that they
are nearby. All and all, Circle connects its users with the people and places they care
about most in a visually stunning way.

spotlight
MELANIE

spotlight
Q&A
My business vision in a few words...
When I put myself into the fire of the Crucible,
everything changed. This is my real-time memoir
of my life in the Crucible…because falling in love
changed everything.
People know what my business offers, but
this is why I offer it...
I created the Crucible Bookii because people want
an interactive experience with the authors they
read. I wanted to allow them an inside glimpse and
an opportunity to share my life.
cru·ci·ble
Share a roadmap with us, how did you get
where you are now?
I am an author, an artist, a pioneer, and a wanderer.
I have a background in sales and marketing and
have been a business coach since 1999.
What's your passion in business?
I never tire of talking about business and the love
people have for the work they do. I want to
brainstorm ideas with people and help them find a
way to turn their ideas into client offerings that
meet their client's needs.
When I write for the Crucible, I love writing about
my interactions with the world. I like the idea of
sharing my human-ness and challenges, and many
of those challenges are in my own mind. After
years of being a coach, I am keenly aware of human
frailty and how almost every successful person
feels they are going to be found out as an imposter.
When I write from the heart, I hope people will
see my vulnerability and humanity and feel a little
better about their own. If I can share a story that
allows readers to glimpse my heart, then I feel
successful in my writing. If I can connect it to the
visual channel with pictures and art, then I feel like
I have a real chance at making an impact and help
readers see something in a very new and
interesting way.
In a few words describe yourself.
Edgy, powerful, curious, physical
What few words would others use to
describe you?
Brave, intense, eclectic
What are 3 characteristics that got you
where you are today?
Unbridled optimism, high tolerance for risk, ability to
see the big picture in a strategic way.
What is your favourite gadget?
Vitamix Blender---Ahhh. I wanted this for 15 years
and I got it 3 years ago. My love affair continues
every time I use it.

spotlightbio
NAME: Melanie Parish
COMPANY: Crucible Bookii & Melanie
Parish, Business Coaching
LOCATED IN: Virtual with a Dundas,
Ontario home base
BORN IN: Las Cruces, New Mexico
WHERE YOU CALL HOME: Dundas,
Ontario
GIVE US A QUICK OVERVIEW OF
YOUR BUSINESS AND WHO IT SERVES:
The Crucible Bookii is my creative
project--an online near real-time
interactive memoir of my life. As well, I
am a business coach and help successful
solopreneurs create business strategies
that will propel them to revenues that
exceed $1M in annual revenue.
Life's an adventure. What are some of the
highlights of yours?
Along the way I got certified as a coach, founded a
natural food co-op, started a program of choice
school, challenged an Ontario law and had an art
show. I love my life and the richness of my multiple
interests. I also had 3 kids, got married, moved to
Ontario, became a Canadian, and had a client
become #1 on the New York Times bestseller list.
How were your report cards in high school?
The partiers were always surprised to hear that I got
good grades and the people in my honors classes
were shocked that I hung out with the partiers. My
parents always wanted my grades to be just a little
better.
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
What's made you stronger in business? What
bumps along the way?
One of the bumpiest rides for me in business was
learning how to be a powerful woman leader. For
me it wasn't about fostering toughness, it was about
nurturing gentleness and vulnerability. Finding a way
to detach from my ego while I create successful businesses
and learning to create treasured business
partnerships has made me stronger.
If I had more time, I'd spend it doing this...
Wandering with my kids, hanging out by the pool for
a lazy afternoon with friends and enjoying delicious
Ontario wine and local cheese.

spotlight
Are you where you expected to be right now?
This is a clear no. If you had asked me at 20 if I would
be queer, married to a trans-man and living in Ontario,
Canada when I was in my 40s, I would have laughed in
your face. That said, I always expected to be having an
impact in the world and to be doing something
creative. I am living that part of my life more fully right
now than I have ever lived it before. I feel so incredibly
blessed to touch the lives of my lovely clients and to
get to walk alongside them, if not actually in their
shoes. I have incredible relationships, intimacy, and
creativity in my life that takes my breath away. I can't
believe I am so LUCKY!
What's a time you took a risk and failed?
In 2005 I started a web design company. After five
years, and a crazy level of financial investment and debt,
we went out of business. It was excruciating but I
learned so much more than I had ever learned before.
The biggest lesson was: don't invest all the profit from
one business into another.
How about a risk that succeeded?
I received a small inheritance from my grandmother
that I invested in coach training at the beginning of my
career. That training changed my life.
I just handed you $1,000,000 for your
business. What will you do with it?
A million dollars could kill my business right now. It
doesn't need cash it needs me to be committing time
to it. If I had a huge budget, I might outsource too
much of what I need to be doing to keep the
production incredibly lean. Lean is serving my business
incredibly well right now. I can think of lots of fun I
could have with $1Million. None of that would serve
my business right now. I need creativity and multiple
iterations more than I need cash.
What was your best investment?
Coach training and three coaching certifications
What are you most proud of at this moment?
That my children are very nice human beings.
ABOUT THE COVER PHOTO
“That’s a crazy picture! I think I have boobie shock!”
someone said as they looked at the picture I took
for the cover of Influence Magazine. I admit I had a
little shock, too, when I saw it. What would my
mother think? Am I brave enough to let that picture
be the cover?
When I agreed to be on the cover of Influence
Magazine, I wanted the best photographer I know to
take the picture--so I called Dan Banko of Banko
Media (http://bankomedia.com/). I love his work and
after looking at his portfolio I thought he could pull
off the kind of art photo I wanted. I’ll be writing
about this process in my entry titled “Cover Girl” in
the member’s section of The Crucible Bookii. If you
are interested in the process we went through to
make the cover and what I experienced as I entered
a world very different from my own, you might want
to check it out--it was super scary and really
amazing.
What education do you have?
Bachelor's Degree in Communication, 3
coaching certifications
Your favourite quote?
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight
in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to
blossom.” Anais Nin

If I wake up at 3am, I'm usually thinking
about...
Writing. I often write at 5 am in bed when the
world is quiet. I start studying French at 7am to
prepare for our trip to France this summer. My
husband is fond of telling our dinner guests that I
learn French in the middle of the night, but I really
do wait until 7am.
Compared to my competition, this is what
sets me apart...
The Bookii medium is different to other online
content because it doesn’t have any marketing and
it is different than a book because it is an interactive
format. The Bookii is similar to many mediums, but
unique.
So, How
did you
meet your
husband?
AN EXCERPT BY MELANIE PARISH
It usually happens when we are hanging out with
new people. For them it seems like an innocuous
question... "So, how did you meet your husband?" It
is a gentle way of creating intimacy and learning
more about people--almost a conversational gift
from them to me, at least it would be, if we were a
traditional family. I try to avoid an audible intake of
breath and my mind races. I run down a rabbit hole
of questions in my mind. Do I trust them? Do I feel
like coming out of the proverbial closet? Am I safe?
How will it affect my children? Have I missed
considering anything? Am I safe? Will I be safe?
Sometimes at this stage if the answer to any of
these questions is "no" or even "maybe," then I will
just say, "We met at church." It is when there is
intimacy in the relationship or a real possibility of
friendship starting that I feel like that answer
doesn't work. It is denying the opportunity for
intimacy, and I realize I want to share another piece
of my story with the other person. I realize my
relationship can be deeper and more real if I take
the leap.
I did meet my husband at church in August of 2000.
I was newly divorced. I had started a young adult
group at the church with my friend Zoe. My main
goal was to find a new partner/spouse whose
values were similar to mine. I wanted a more
spiritual relationship, I knew I wanted more
children, and I liked being married--at least I thought
I would if I was married to the right person.
I had a list. I was looking for my perfect guy. Some
of the things on the list were that he be tall (6ft),
play games with my family (board games and cards,
not head games), like the movie Airplane, be kind,
share similar Unitarian Universalist values, want
children, have a higher education, have a career path,
be financially solvent, etc.
I forgot to say "male" on my list and in August of
2000 I met "Melissa" or "Mel" whom I can best
describe back then as a very androgynous looking
person. As a fairly new Unitarian, I tried to be
open-minded. I knew I was supposed to be GLBT
friendly (Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender). I had
never really been around too many butch lesbians
and I was terrified of Mel. I just remember feeling
completely uncomfortable with the idea of talking
with Mel or being alone and trying to act normally.
I wanted to be nice, but Mel scared me. I quickly
talked to someone else. I thought having a "gay"
person in our group was good diversity but maybe
someone else could talk to Mel.
Now, I can remember the feeling, but I feel some
shame over how I felt about Mel. In my head Mel
was the "other" and I kept "others" at arms length.

spotlight
Not good, but honest. We had a standing young
adult lunch after church each week and we were
going to an all you can eat salad bar. Mel was one of
the few people who came and Mel sat next to me.
Mel didn't order any food which I assumed was
because Mel couldn't afford lunch (I later found out
Mel was just dieting and didn't want to brave an all
you can eat buffet). I made polite conversation but
really we didn't talk about much during that lunch.
Then over the next 3 months we started to get to
know each other. I found out Mel had a wicked,
dark sense of humor. We started to have
conversations. Once, only Mel and I showed up for
the young adult lunch. My daughter was with me
and we had a really great time. I don't remember
what we talked about, but it was fun. One day we
were sitting next to each other in church and he put
his arm on the back of the pew behind me. I got a
feeling like a big strong guy had just put his arm
around me. I got a little weak in the knees. One day
he made an off-hand, off-color comment that made
me curious. We flirted. He asked questions that
shook my foundations and made me interested in
him.
What would my friends think? I finally got to a
point in my head where being afraid was worse than
the idea of everyone I loved abandoning me. I
realized that if they would walk away from me
because of who I loved, then I wasn't living on very
solid foundations after all.
I called Mel and I asked Mel to teach me more about
who he is. He gave me the book Stone Butch Blues.
I read it and asked some questions. We went for a
walk and I asked him questions about who he is. I
We had a date. I tried to send him away. I didn't.
We were lovers.
At this point in our relationship I was terrified that
I would lose my family if I was gay. I also knew I
would lose a piece of me if I wasn't willing to be in
a relationship that seemed so right. I had to choose
between being myself and being afraid of what the
world would think of me. I told Mel I didn't think it
was going to work.
The next day I was looking in the mirror feeling
disappointed in myself. I actually really looked at my
face in the mirror and I realized I didn't want to be
the person who was afraid to explore the world in
any way I chose. I was afraid my parents wouldn't
love me anymore. I couldn't fathom what my
grandfather would say. My conservative Texas
relatives would hate me.
MELANIE’S HUSBAND MEL
learned that Mel was more than a butch lesbian and
started to ask questions about Mel's gender. Mel
gave me the best answers he had and I got more and
more comfortable with who he was. At that point in
our lives, Mel was transgender but it wasn't
something we shared—it was private.
I knew that we had similar shared values and that
we wanted the same things. I had so much respect
for Mel, I knew I had to be ready to be "in a
relationship" if I dated Mel. I couldn't just play
around and try it on. I knew it had to be real in
order to honor the lovely human being Mel is, so I

found myself very quickly in a very serious
relationship.
My mother visited in May and met Mel. She has
great intuition and she could tell we were having a
relationship but she didn't know what to say. At the
end of her trip, I told her. It was pretty rough on
her. She is very Presbyterian and is very connected
to her church and her church community. She told
my father when she got home. I was spent. It was
incredibly stressful to come out to my parents. For
my parents, it was completely out of left field. And I
understood. It came out of left field for me, too.
Eventually we were able to get married in Ontario
and eventually Mel transitioned, that is, changed his
appearance and how he presents himself in the
world. When I think about his transition, I always
think he stayed the same, but by changing his
appearance, the world changed in the way they
interact with him.
So, when people ask me, “How did you meet your
husband,” I have to decide how much of this story
to share.
By the way, I know my story isn't the same as
everyone else's story. I know most people who are
gay or lesbian know at a very young age. I had a
choice because I chose to be with someone who
was transgender and we all choose our
relationships, not our orientation. My story is
different and maybe even a little bit interesting, but
there is a lot of political baggage with saying that
people choose to be gay. So, I worry a little bit
about publishing my story because I don't want to
harm anyone who is being marginalized because
they didn't have a choice about their orientation.
Anyway, that's how I met my husband.
INTERESTED?
Learn More About Melanie

straight
speak
with david hughes
Dumb people using smart
phones – it’s killing them. But
only about 5500 each year, so
who cares?
David Hughes is an entrepreneur, author, ghostwriter and
blogger. He has been writing since he was five. He has written
eleven books, hundreds of blogs and is the winner of Award of
Merit for Fiction, Writer’s Digest, 2001 and Magazine Feature, 2011.
David writes fiction (two novels) and non-fiction, on everything
from business and politics to family memoirs and social madness.
He lives at his keyboard.

he U.S. Department of Transportation says nearly 5500
people died in crashes in 2009 involving a distracted
driver (most on the phone) and the National Safety
Council estimates that each year 100,000 car crashes
have been tied to texting and driving while an additional
1.2 million annual accidents involve cell phone use. Just repeat
that number to yourself, “… 1.2 million accidents.” The odds are
good that one of those accidents could have your number on it.
Talk about the wrong number.
Data released by the department shows that more than ¾ of
drivers will answer a call while driving and they do not think
about traffic conditions when answering. Also, these same idiots
say they would send a text while driving. And yet – get this – 1/3
of the same idiots said they feel unsafe as a passenger if the
driver is on the phone. Do you fecken’ believe it (DYFBI)? Is this
the height of ignorance or what? And when it comes to kids, the
risks escalate exponentially. The next time your kid asks for the
keys to the car, hand them over only in exchange for you
keeping his or her cellphone. Because this is a whole new
definition of DUI.
One of those idiot kids, a 19-year-old driving a pickup truck
caused a deadly accident in Missouri last year (see photo above)
while sending and receiving 11 texts in the 11 minutes
immediately before the accident. Investigators said the young
driver sent six texts and received five just before his pickup
crashed into the back of a big truck. It started a chain reaction.
The pickup was rear-ended by a school bus, which was rammed
by a second school bus. The pickup driver and a 15-year-old
student on one of the school buses were killed and 38 others
were injured. Then there was the idiot engineer driving a
commuter train in California that killed 25 because he was
texting. And the tugboat pilot in Philadelphia who was talking
on his cellphone and using a laptop. Wouldn’t be surprised if the
chicken-ass, coward captain of the Costa Concordia was texting
before running aground off the coast of Italy. And how about
that Northwest Airlines flight that flew a 100 miles past its
destination because both pilots were on their laptops. And it’s
not just the idiots on the phone, it’s also the idiot lawmakers who
are not making the laws to deter these killing machines. Like the
National Rifle Association, the National Cellphone Association
probably says, it’s not the phone (gun), it’s the person using it
that kills people. Either way, somebody is dead.
Where the hell are the lawmakers when we
need them?
A man in Michigan caused a fatal crash while texting and driving
and was sentenced to just one month in jail and 12 months of
probation. DYFBI? It was the first case of its kind since Michigan
passed a ban on “texting while driving” back in August 2010
(obviously, lawmakers are in no rush – probably too busy on
their cell phones). The man’s phone records showed that he was
texting seconds before the impact that killed another person. In
addition to jail time and probation, he has to pay more than
$5,000 in fines and restitution. Aaaah the cheap price of an
innocent life. The County Prosecutor said the sentence handed
down was fair under current law. “It was a fair sentence under the
law that we have at this time, the moving violation causing
death, which texting and driving falls underneath, is a one year
maximum,” He added, although he’d like to see
texting-while-driving penalties toughened up. No shit Red
Ryder. How about manslaughter? Penalties for drunk drivers
who cause a fatality are much harsher (and still not harsh
enough) – some states include a four-year minimum prison
sentence and a permanent driver’s license suspension. That’s it?
DYFBI – they killed somebody? That same prosecutor said that
statistics he has seen shows that texting and driving is three or
four times more dangerous than operating under the influence
of alcohol or drugs when operating a motor vehicle. But it’s not
as much fun. In Michigan they are trying to get stronger laws:
Causing a serious injury would be a five-year felony and causing
death would be a 15-year felony. Now that’s more like it.
According to a survey of more than 6,000 drivers by the National
Highway Traffic Safety Administration, about 20% of drivers –
and 50% between 21 and 24 – say they’ve thumbed messages or
emailed from the driver’s seat. Of those between 14 and
17-year-olds only 35% thought they would die one day if they
regularly text while driving and yet, 55% of teens think that
drinking and driving could prove deadly. Who is responsible for
teaching these kids that a smart phone needs to come with
some smarts? There’s approximately 200 million licensed drivers
in the United States and about 10 million under 19 – and half of
those, 5 million, are texting while sharing the road with you in
two tons of speeding metal. What are the odds that your number
is on their speed dial?
Ignorance is rampant
Most U.S. motorists recently surveyed acknowledged few
situations in which they would not use a cell phone or text while
behind the wheel. For all the publicity about anti-texting laws
and deaths attributed to distracted driving, the public remains
ambivalent (stupid) about limitations on in-car cell-phone and
smart-phone use. And they are not big on harsh punishment
when such behavior is tied to vehicular accidents. Probably
because they think they are more likely to be the cause of the
accident versus the victim. Of course, they could be dead wrong.
Professor David Meyer, who runs the University of Michigan’s
Brain, Cognition, and Action Laboratory and is a leading scholar
of multitasking, says human beings are just not good at
multitasking. That’s women too. It’s a little different than
watching TV while feeding the kids (see BMW commercial
below). Myers says, “We simply cannot do it safely.” He adds,
“Even F-1 race car driver Michael Schumacher can’t deal with
more than one task at a time.”
32,855 people were killed on U.S. roads in 2010 and if 5500 (17%)
of these were related to the use of smart phones while driving,
then … well, it simply confirms that regardless of how smart our
technology gets, we remain as dumb as ever.

What
Wore
This is Ali. He walks past Zoe Spawton’s office in Berlin, Germany every morning wearing
great clothes. She snaps pictures of him and shares them with the world.
We in turn are sharing them with you. Why? To kick your ass so you’ll give up that beige
suit and those worn shoes … it’s time to up your fashion game gentleman and Ali is just the
man to be your guide!

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