COVER STORY VIOLENCE IN THE HOME By Rev. Dr William Wan 14 a s i a n b e a c o n
violence in the home What is domestic violence? One definition of spousal violence is ‘the use of force to inflict injury, either emotional or physical, upon another person with whom he or she has a relationship.’ According to The Women’s Charter in 1996, domestic violence goes beyond physical violence to include sexual and psychological abuse. This may even include acts such as trying to control someone’s life by constant humiliation, or controlling someone’s money, time, car or contact with friends as a way of having power over that person. The Christian faith acknowledges that humans are the only beings specifically said to be created in God’s image (Gen 1:26- 27). A person has intrinsic value regardless of his ability, wealth or contribution to society. It follows that people are responsible for their conduct towards their fellow human beings. The Bible even forbids verbal violence of cursing others: “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.” ( James 3:9-10) For the Lord Jesus, the thought is as bad as the act, internal attitude as important as external action. He said, “But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.” (Matthew 5:22) Of Submission and Abuse In a dated study on spousal abuse in the United States, it was found that husbands who batter their wives more often claim to be Protestant or Catholic. The frightening inference that could be drawn from this study is that coming from religious homes is certainly no guarantee of freedom from spousal abuse! The natural question we need to ask is: Why is this so? Has it anything to do with the way we teach the doctrine of marriage, specifically the relationship between husband and wife? Is there a problem in our pre-marital counselling with the strong emphasis on “Wives, submit to your husband as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife…”? Perhaps a brief look at the history of spousal abuse would be instructive. Both in ancient Greece and Rome, the place of women in the marital household was always in the subordinate position. The man was not only the head of the household, he was the household! In Greece, for example, the order of hierarchy of values was father, cattle, mother, and children. It is not difficult to see how when a wife is of lesser value than a cow, violence towards wives was tolerated. Among the Jews, a common prayer of a Jewish man was: “I thank God that He did not make me a Gentile, a slave or a woman.” Jewish divorce law was heavily weighed in favour of the man. In Europe, in spite of Christian influence (or perhaps because of Christian influence), women were subjugated for centuries. The so-called “law of chastisement” allowed women to be physically punished by their husbands without question since the women were considered to be of inferior status in the divine order of things. Sin of violence Violence is the effect of rebellion against God. It is the price of rejecting God. The Apostle Paul affirmed this basic understanding in Romans 1:21, 29: “For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened… They have become filled with every kind of wickedness… They are full of envy, murder, strife…” James seconds Paul in his view of violence: “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.” ( James 4:1-2) In the context of domestic violence, the desired end of the dominant party is the exercise of power. Violence is the means to get to that desired end, namely the submission of the wife to the husband by all means. The text “and he will rule over you” (Gen 3:16) in the context of man-woman/husband-wife relationship is descriptive and not prescriptive. God is not commanding man to rule over woman. He is simply stating the result of sin. Christians cannot afford to condone or take violence lightly. The human is a divine image-bearer and his personhood (physical, intellectual, psychological, emotional, spiritual) ought not to be violated. To violate God’s image bearer is to insult the Creator God himself. It is an affront to human dignity and denies the value and integrity of the victim. It is a total contradiction to the Christian message of “loving God and loving our fellow human being”. (Matt 22:37-40) My wife, my body Husbands are admonished to love their wives just as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25-33). In becoming “one flesh”, the man must treat his wife as if she is part of him. As he treats himself well, therefore he must treat her well; as he would not abuse himself, so he should not abuse her. More significantly, Paul uses the analogy of Christ and the Church to describe the relationship between the man and his wife. And as we reflect on the way Christ came for his Church and prepared his Church, there is no doubt that domestic violence is a complete contradiction to this teaching. A physically bruised, psychologically damaged, mentally intimidated and emotionally scarred wife cannot possibly be “a radiant wife without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish”. Even more significantly, Christ died for the Church. Violence was done to him in order that the Church may be “holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word.” Christ allowed violence to be done to him in order to protect the Church. And if one of the ultimate goals of every Christian is to have “Christ formed in us” (Gal 4:19), then there is no way the abusive Christian husband can claim to be Christ-like. Conclusion I have no doubt that spousal violence of any form is not to be tolerated in the Christian Church. To some extent, if violence is a function of the need to maintain control over another human being, then we as a Church may be guilty of contributing to spousal abuse by perpetuating a doctrine of domination over woman. Even if this is taught in the limited confines of the hierarchy of roles and not inherent inequality, the fact of dominant role is still about control and power. It is about time that we as the male Christian species start to revisit our doctrine of man-woman relationship. It is time to rethink and repent. This article has been edited from the original work, entitled “Toward a Theology of Domestic Violence”, published in Church & Society in Asia Today, Vol. 3, No. 1 (April 2000), a theological magazine of Trinity Theological College, Singapore. Reprinted with permission. a s i a n b e a c o n 15
Change language