Asian Beacon

violence in the home
What is domestic violence?
One definition of spousal violence is ‘the
use of force to inflict injury, either emotional
or physical, upon another person with whom
he or she has a relationship.’ According to The
Women’s Charter in 1996, domestic violence
goes beyond physical violence to include sexual and psychological
abuse. This may even include acts such as trying to control
someone’s life by constant humiliation, or controlling someone’s
money, time, car or contact with friends as a way of having power
over that person.
The Christian faith acknowledges that humans are the only
beings specifically said to be created in God’s image (Gen 1:26-
27). A person has intrinsic value regardless of his ability, wealth or
contribution to society. It follows that people are responsible for
their conduct towards their fellow human beings.
The Bible even forbids verbal violence of cursing others: “With
the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human
beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth
come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.”
( James 3:9-10) For the Lord Jesus, the thought is as bad as the act,
internal attitude as important as external action. He said, “But I tell
you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to
judgment. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire
of hell.” (Matthew 5:22)
Of Submission and Abuse
In a dated study on spousal abuse in the United States, it was
found that husbands who batter their wives more often claim to
be Protestant or Catholic. The frightening inference that could
be drawn from this study is that coming from religious homes is
certainly no guarantee of freedom from spousal abuse!
The natural question we need to ask is: Why is this so? Has
it anything to do with the way we teach the doctrine of marriage,
specifically the relationship between husband and wife? Is there a
problem in our pre-marital counselling with the strong emphasis
on “Wives, submit to your husband as to the Lord. For the husband
is the head of the wife…”?
Perhaps a brief look at the history of spousal abuse would
be instructive. Both in ancient Greece and Rome, the place of
women in the marital household was always in the subordinate
position. The man was not only the head of the household, he was
the household! In Greece, for example, the order of hierarchy of
values was father, cattle, mother, and children. It is not difficult to
see how when a wife is of lesser value than a cow, violence towards
wives was tolerated.
Among the Jews, a common prayer of a Jewish man was: “I
thank God that He did not make me a Gentile, a slave or a woman.”
Jewish divorce law was heavily weighed in favour of the man.
In Europe, in spite of Christian influence (or perhaps because
of Christian influence), women were subjugated for centuries. The
so-called “law of chastisement” allowed women to be physically
punished by their husbands without question since the women
were considered to be of inferior status in the divine order of
things.
Sin of violence
Violence is the effect of rebellion against God. It is the price of
rejecting God. The Apostle Paul affirmed this basic understanding
in Romans 1:21, 29: “For although they knew God, they neither
glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became
futile and their foolish hearts were darkened… They have become
filled with every kind of wickedness… They are full of envy, murder,
strife…” James seconds Paul in his view of violence: “What causes
fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires
that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You
covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.”
( James 4:1-2)
In the context of domestic violence, the desired end of the
dominant party is the exercise of power. Violence is the means to
get to that desired end, namely the submission of the wife to the
husband by all means.
The text “and he will rule over you” (Gen 3:16) in the context
of man-woman/husband-wife relationship is descriptive and not
prescriptive. God is not commanding man to rule over woman. He
is simply stating the result of sin.
Christians cannot afford to condone or take violence lightly.
The human is a divine image-bearer and his personhood (physical,
intellectual, psychological, emotional, spiritual) ought not to be
violated. To violate God’s image bearer is to insult the Creator God
himself. It is an affront to human dignity and denies the value and
integrity of the victim. It is a total contradiction to the Christian
message of “loving God and loving our fellow human being”. (Matt
22:37-40)
My wife, my body
Husbands are admonished to love their wives just as Christ loved
the church (Eph. 5:25-33). In becoming “one flesh”, the man must
treat his wife as if she is part of him. As he treats himself well,
therefore he must treat her well; as he would not abuse himself,
so he should not abuse her.
More significantly, Paul uses the analogy of Christ and the
Church to describe the relationship between the man and his
wife. And as we reflect on the way Christ came for his Church and
prepared his Church, there is no doubt that domestic violence is
a complete contradiction to this teaching. A physically bruised,
psychologically damaged, mentally intimidated and emotionally
scarred wife cannot possibly be “a radiant wife without stain or
wrinkle or any other blemish”.
Even more significantly, Christ died for the Church. Violence
was done to him in order that the Church may be “holy, cleansing
her by the washing with water through the word.” Christ allowed
violence to be done to him in order to protect the Church. And
if one of the ultimate goals of every Christian is to have “Christ
formed in us” (Gal 4:19), then there is no way the abusive
Christian husband can claim to be Christ-like.
Conclusion
I have no doubt that spousal violence of any form is not to be
tolerated in the Christian Church. To some extent, if violence is
a function of the need to maintain control over another human
being, then we as a Church may be guilty of contributing to spousal
abuse by perpetuating a doctrine of domination over woman. Even
if this is taught in the limited confines of the hierarchy of roles
and not inherent inequality, the fact of dominant role is still about
control and power. It is about time that we as the male Christian
species start to revisit our doctrine of man-woman relationship. It
is time to rethink and repent.
This article has been edited from the original work, entitled “Toward
a Theology of Domestic Violence”, published in Church & Society in
Asia Today, Vol. 3, No. 1 (April 2000), a theological magazine of Trinity
Theological College, Singapore. Reprinted with permission.
a s i a n b e a c o n
15