Vol. 5, No. 4 - Psychiatric Survivor Archives of Toronto

My daughter Bonnie was a very bright, beautiful, young
and talented girl. She got into drugs in high school and was
admitted many times to hospitals where she was to get help
for her drug problems. Instead, she was given injections of
heavy psychiatric drugs, including large doses of Valium.
When discharged from Peel Memorial in the late 70's she
was hooked on Valium as well as street drugs. Our family
could see she could not turn her life around and couldn't
stay off the Valium the shrinks had prescribed for her.
She was afraid of the shrinks and had every right to fear
them. At times they had tied her to a bed, placed her in a
straightjacket that tied both arms to her chest, and injected
her with drugs that made her sleep for hours on end. Her
mind soon became affected from the Valium and myself
and her father became her only comfort. She called our
home her haven - and at times Ifelt like I was caring for a
baby all over again.
As many kids do, she got to learn who sold the drugs and
where they were. As well, she learned the results or "side
effects" of the heavy doses of Valium she had been given.
There was no turning back for her, and as hard as she
tried to beatthis attimes, she was hooked but good.
In 1977, I became depressed over my daughter's condition,
because she was getting worse. Icouldn't function
because of the destruction I had seen happen to my
daughter. I was admitted to Peel Memorial under the care
of a shrink. During the three months in that hospital Iwas
given nine electric shocks, insulin shocks and heavy drugs.
As a result, I couldn't think and my memory was impaired.
My husband ordered them to stop these 'treatments'. He
could see what was happening to me, so they stopped
them. For the nextfive years, they gave me Lithium. Every
time my husband or I mentioned the fact that Lithium was
making me feel ill, the doctor would say that it was "the
answer for my depression. "
At that time, I had no medical problems. After three
years on Lithiu-m Igot angina; my heart was starting to give
me problems - then my thyroid. Ibecame an asthmatic
and my depression was still a problem. Ultimately, I had to
retire from my job because of depression. Icould not
continue handling these responsibilities.
We moved from Peel to Toronto where I met I woman
medical doctor who understood why every time my blood
was tested, it was toxic. She didn't believe in shock, insulin
shock, heavy drugs or Lithium. I went through hell until
Lithium was out of my system. But, after a while off
Lithium, my depression started to leave me.
The blow came ... Bonnie was found dead in a hotel
room along with Valium and other drugs. September 10
1982 - our wedding anniversary - and when we came
home after celebrating, we were told the police were trying
to reach us.
Istill had been very sick at the time of my daughter's
death. Four months later, I was told I had cancer.
Today, lam deathly afraid of drugs, shock and other socalled
treatments of the shrinks. Today, I have my
freedom . Today, Iam no longer locked up in the basement
of Peel Memorial Hospital where everyone else did my
thinking for me. Under the "care" of the shrinks, I not only
lost my freedom but lost my memory for periods in my life
-and I had many fears.
My husband also has no faith in the shrinks because of
the destructiveness he has seen.
Sometimes Ifind it very hard to cope with my daughter's
death and my cancer, but I'm a very positive person. I love
people and life - life goes on. As for the cancer, at least I
have something to say about what treatments or
operations I receive. It is all my choice.
Please understand that the only reason for telling "Our
Story" is that Idon't wish the things that happened to my
daughter and myself to happen to any other human being.
Iknow you will understand why I have no faith in the
shrinks; why they have no right to play head-games with
people; why they have no right to destroy other human
beings with their so-called treatments. Our family has
already paid a high price for the damage done to me and
the destruction of my daughter's life.
We must control our own minds and bodies and Ifeel
that we, as victims, must tell our stories and make people
understand.
Today Iwake
toa new day
with all of its joys and wonders.
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