Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 1 - Fish Fingers and Custard Fanzine
Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 1 - Fish Fingers and Custard Fanzine
Fish Fingers and Custard Issue 1 - Fish Fingers and Custard Fanzine
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2<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
The Sun Hasn’t Yet Set…An Editorial<br />
Greetings! Welcome to the first issue of ‘<strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong>’. Now I burden no shame<br />
at ripping the title off THAT moment in the ‘Eleventh Hour’, as it just screamed<br />
‘legendary scene’ at me! I predict in 25 years time, people will be holding that scene in<br />
the same esteem as we (or just me, probably) hold the ‘two wires moment’ in Genesis of<br />
the Daleks, or THAT camera shot of Peri’s chest in ‘The Caves of Androzani’. It was just<br />
something out of the ordinary, something that proved that this man was an alien (instead<br />
of a lovesick wannabe-human…) something that had normal, everyday people popping to<br />
their local supermarket to buy fish fingers <strong>and</strong> custard <strong>and</strong> actually EAT it (which in itself<br />
is ironic, as the actual scene used cakes!) That is the true magic of Doctor Who, folks!<br />
This is the reason why I’m hoping to base this fanzine on the world of Doctor Who<br />
f<strong>and</strong>om - simply because it’s the best f<strong>and</strong>om in the world! My experience of fanzines<br />
stems from football (or soccer, if you like - I don’t!) which are arguably more popular<br />
here in the UK than fanzines based on television programs. As a teenager, I would always<br />
look forward to purchasing my team’s latest fanzine, simply because it was written <strong>and</strong><br />
produced by the supporters <strong>and</strong> was miles better than the official program! The essays,<br />
reports <strong>and</strong> cartoons were trounced in the sort of laddish humour, bad language <strong>and</strong> injokes<br />
that you only get in your own little part of the world. It inspired me, it made me<br />
want to read more, it made me want to write - just like how the team’s results affect (<strong>and</strong><br />
still do) my mood!<br />
Now what the bloody hell does have to do with Doctor Who, I hear you cry! I got into<br />
Doctor Who in 2005. I make no apologies (<strong>and</strong> shouldn’t really need to) for the fact that I<br />
was born in the mid-80’s <strong>and</strong> had no Doctor Who to speak of whilst I was growing up. So<br />
when I got into the program, I came to f<strong>and</strong>om with a fresh perspective, without having to<br />
endure ‘the dark years’. The question is though, were they really ‘the dark years’?<br />
Doctor Who was kept alive via the avenues of books, comics, audios <strong>and</strong> yes, you’ve<br />
guessed it – fanzines! All of these mediums have produced many of today’s top television<br />
talents, some of whom who work on the program today. Doctor Who had became worn<br />
towards the end of its original run (not of its own doing mind, but that’s a different rant<br />
for a different issue!) <strong>and</strong> the ‘dark years’ was, in hindsight, probably a good thing.<br />
My entry into f<strong>and</strong>om was via the interweb (which again, is probably another rant for<br />
another issue!), which led to me attending conventions <strong>and</strong> meeting people who love<br />
Doctor Who as much I do. I quickly realised that Doctor Who f<strong>and</strong>om was as loyal <strong>and</strong><br />
supportive than that of a football club. It was the fans that kept the show alive during<br />
those ‘dark years’, it was those people who wrote/drew/recorded (<strong>and</strong> those who bought<br />
that material) that kept the show in the public consciousness. I believe that if Doctor Who<br />
was allowed to die, if the fans just moved on, then Doctor Who would NOT be back<br />
today. Thankfully it is <strong>and</strong> the popularity of the show is arguably the greatest it’s ever<br />
been. For that folks, I salute you!
3<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
A big part of f<strong>and</strong>om, back in the day, was fanzines. The late 80’s/early 90’s is<br />
considered to be the ‘golden age’ of Doctor Who fanzines. Today, what with the internet,<br />
plenty people consider that the fanzine is a thing of past. But why? Surely the internet<br />
can be used as a tool to make fan-publications even more popular than they were? It can<br />
be too easy to post on a forum, write a blog or whatever. I feel that these things miss that<br />
sense of belonging, which is what makes a f<strong>and</strong>om what it is. A fanzine is something that<br />
people do together - I know that I couldn’t put this thing together without the talents of<br />
others.<br />
I was just browsing a fanzine section of a Doctor Who message board, looking at the<br />
various downloadable PDF’s <strong>and</strong> I just thought to myself - ‘I love writing, I love fanzines<br />
<strong>and</strong> I love Doctor Who’. The idea hit me in the head as hard as a woman does, when I<br />
drunkenly try to chat them up in a club! I would do a Doctor Who fanzine <strong>and</strong> prove, first<br />
to myself, that I could do it <strong>and</strong> secondly - that my theory of the internet not being the end<br />
of fanzines but a useful tool instead, was right.<br />
As soon as I decided to do this, my thoughts drifted to how I was going to do it. I looked<br />
around <strong>and</strong> saw that there was a hell of a lot of downloadable PDF’s <strong>and</strong> a few printed<br />
fanzines knocking about. I’m a huge supporter of the printed medium, simply because I<br />
lack the concentration of being able to read anything online for more than 10 minutes! So<br />
I decided upon doing the fanzine on paper, but I thought back to my ‘internet theory’ <strong>and</strong><br />
realised that I could not exclude those who like to read stuff online. We are supposed to be<br />
embracing new technology after all! A free-downloadable fanzine or a paper copy (with<br />
glossy covers!) for a tiny production cost, would be the way that I present the fanzine. I<br />
honestly believe that with quality content, that my contributors <strong>and</strong> I, can make this work.<br />
The sun hasn’t yet set on the age of fanzines!<br />
Recently there has been a resurgence in fanzines. Be sure to check out downloadable<br />
PDF’s such as The Terrible Zodin (http://doctorwhottz.blogspot.com), Shooty Dog<br />
Thing (http://brax-zine.blogspot.com), Whotopia (http://www.whotopia.ca) <strong>and</strong> paper<br />
fanzines such as Rassilons Rod (on Facebook) <strong>and</strong> Blue Box<br />
(http://www.blueboxfanzine.blogspot.com). It’s these new breed of fanzines that have<br />
inspired me to do my own. I hope that soon, more of you will be able to get together with<br />
friends <strong>and</strong> produce your own, continuing the legacy that the fans of the classic series<br />
have left us.<br />
The content of this fanzine will be simply ‘anything goes’. I feel we’ve got a great mix of<br />
varying writing styles in here, the main thing I wanted this fanzine to be, was balanced -<br />
<strong>and</strong> it certainly is! From my drunken attempts at hitting a keyboard <strong>and</strong> hoping something<br />
good pops on the screen, to well-educated people writing a well presented essay about<br />
Quarks or something!<br />
If like to write or draw <strong>and</strong> want to see your work in the fanzine, or just want more<br />
information, visit the blog at http://www.fishcustardfanzine.blogspot.com or drop me a<br />
line at fishcustardfanzine@googlemail.com - it’s that simple! Oh <strong>and</strong> you have to like<br />
Doctor Who too. Not sure if I mentioned it!
4<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
Anyway, enough of all this self-promotion! I hope you enjoy the issue, as much as I have<br />
putting it together! <strong>Issue</strong> 2 will be out in September (hopefully…) so in the meantime,<br />
enjoy the finale of Series 5 – I’m off down the pub!<br />
Cheers!<br />
Danny<br />
P.S. This fanzine is non-profit <strong>and</strong> is distributed as a free PDF or in print, at a small cost<br />
to cover production. If you enjoy our content, please consider slipping a few quid to our<br />
adopted charity, KidsOut, whose aim is to bring a bit of fun to the lives of children, all<br />
over the UK, who are ill, disabled or disadvantaged. You can view our JustGiving page at<br />
http://www.justgiving.com/fishcustardfanzine (There’s no pressure <strong>and</strong> I’m not going all<br />
Bob Geldof on your arse – I know a lot about music for a start!) Many thanks!<br />
Contributors<br />
The following made <strong>Issue</strong> 1 of <strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> possible:<br />
Angel Bob: Daniel Gee<br />
The Weeping Angels: Emma Donovan, Tom Spychalski, Tim Nolde, Amy<br />
McKay, Tim Drury, David Rudden, Louis Trapani, AqueousSerenade, Betawho<br />
<strong>and</strong> Harry Sedgewick.<br />
Front Cover Art: Jon Wesley Huff<br />
Back Cover Art: Jonny Eveson<br />
Special Thanks To: Matt Smith, Karen Gillan, Steven Moffat <strong>and</strong> all the team,<br />
past <strong>and</strong> present, down at Cardiff for making such a great program that we love<br />
so much. Jon <strong>and</strong> Tracy Morter <strong>and</strong> the Back-up Ragers for just being simply<br />
awesome <strong>and</strong> my Dad <strong>and</strong> Sister for putting up/watching WHO with me! Special,<br />
special thanks to: The Tudor House Hotel for serving me when I was 16.<br />
Whoops, not really officer!<br />
For Mum x<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> is a non-profit fan-made publication <strong>and</strong> is not for<br />
resale. Although you can hire me as an escort. Doctor Who is ©BBC, no<br />
copyright infringement is intended.<br />
Blog: http://www.fishcustardfanzine.blogspot.com<br />
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/fishcustardzine<br />
Facebook: Search - “<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Fanzine</strong>”
5<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
Doctor Who <strong>and</strong> The Video Pirate<br />
On November 22nd, 1987, a mysterious<br />
thing happened on the shrouded mist<br />
covered mass that was called ‘The Horror<br />
of Fang Rock’, <strong>and</strong> it was not the attack<br />
on a group of str<strong>and</strong>ed boaters <strong>and</strong><br />
lighthouse workers by a glowing green<br />
Ruton. Rather it was one of most infamous<br />
cases of signal hijacking since Captain<br />
Midnight had hijacked HBO's signal in<br />
1986.<br />
It began at another station in Chicago WGN channel nine, a superstation that<br />
was also available on some cable packages at the time. At about 9:10 P.M., a<br />
man wearing a Max Headroom mask (A mask of a science fiction TV show<br />
character that had recently been seen in the US on ABC television, <strong>and</strong> a<br />
popular Coca-Cola ad spokesperson), interrupted sportscaster Dan Roahn, for<br />
about forty-five seconds during the recap of that days Chicago Bears football<br />
game. The engineers at WGN television quickly changed the STL (Studio to<br />
Transmitter Link), thwarting the hijackers attempt to further break into the<br />
signal. The image had no sound at that time, <strong>and</strong> Roahn quickly apologized for<br />
the intrusion, although a bit distracted by the event, <strong>and</strong> went on with the rest<br />
of the newscast.<br />
Almost exactly two hours later, at 11:15 P.M., the PBS station in Chicago,<br />
WTTW channel eleven, was also struck by the same signal pirate during the<br />
weekly broadcast of Doctor Who, in this case the excellent Tom Baker tale, 'The<br />
Horror of Fang Rock'.<br />
WTTW did not have the same luck as channel nine earlier in the evening, its STL<br />
link not being able to be switched over as there were no engineers in the offices<br />
atop the Sears Tower, where it transmitters are located, <strong>and</strong> they were unable<br />
to switch successfully via remote control.<br />
The small piece of footage goes on for about ninety seconds, with the<br />
character in the mask's voice almost inaudible because of signal distortion, he<br />
merrily goes about such tasks as whipping a can of Pepsi around (A parody of<br />
Max Headroom's sponsorship of Coke), <strong>and</strong> doing several other odd things.<br />
including putting on a glove that he claims is 'dirty', <strong>and</strong> wearing an 'adult toy'<br />
on his middle finger of his right h<strong>and</strong>. At the very end of the footage, you can<br />
tell the video is pre-recorded as the video pauses, for a brief moment. When we<br />
next see Max he is bent over, pants down, <strong>and</strong> an unseen female accomplice in<br />
a dress is slapping him on the behind while the person in the mask screams
6<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
shouts of 'hit me'. Then the man in the mask waves a signal to the supposed<br />
second accomplice, who is operating the camera, <strong>and</strong> the footage ends.<br />
Audio on the tape was horrible, <strong>and</strong> the words are hard to make out. it would<br />
seem that 'Max' had some kind of grudge at WGN at the time, as he mentions<br />
that his break in is better than Chuck Swirsky, another WGN sports reporter at<br />
the time, <strong>and</strong> that he has made a masterpiece all over 'those greatest worlds<br />
newspaper nerds', an obvious reference to WGN, whose call letters st<strong>and</strong> for<br />
‘Worlds Greatest Newspaper’, as they also own the Chicago Tribune newspaper.<br />
The other parts of the audio are just as bad, but Max takes the time to parody<br />
the Coke commercial ('Catch the wave!’), <strong>and</strong> sing for the viewers at home<br />
('Your love is fading...').<br />
When the sun rose over the city of Chicago, the next day the FCC (Federal<br />
Communications Commission) was not at all in a joking mood about the antics of<br />
the pirates the night before, starting a search of the Chicago l<strong>and</strong> area for the<br />
masked man <strong>and</strong> his accomplices. The head of engineering at WGN at the time,<br />
Robert Strutzel said this incident was not a cheap prank to carry out, as quoted<br />
to the Chicago Tribune, saying: "You need a significant amount of (transmitting)<br />
power to do that.", while later an engineer for a station in Urbana Illinois said<br />
that the kind of transmitter with the power to that sort of signal hijack would<br />
cost between four hundred <strong>and</strong> six hundred thous<strong>and</strong> dollars.<br />
The video pirates to this day have never been caught, <strong>and</strong> the city of Chicago,<br />
while being partially amused by the signal hijack, also realized its seriousness as<br />
well, as stated by Bill Baxman of Des Plaines, Illinois at the time of the<br />
incident. "I was watching Doctor Who, when all of a sudden it came on.....I<br />
thought it was you know, a little cute at the time, but when you think about it,<br />
its not that cute...they could be interrupting something important."<br />
Indeed they could like Doctor Who...<br />
Besides being a footnote in Doctor Who history, this incident is one of the very<br />
few successful signal hijacks in history, <strong>and</strong> the video itself is odd to behold, it's<br />
even quite scary if you are in the right mood, <strong>and</strong> I cannot imagine what it was<br />
like to have this just pop up on your television screen late at night in November.<br />
If you intrigued by the video it can be found on You Tube with a simple search<br />
of 'Pirate incident' Channel 11 WTTW'. It is worth it just for it's oddness <strong>and</strong> it<br />
existence, <strong>and</strong> it's ever more scary then the Ruton.<br />
Imagine that.<br />
TOM SPYCHALSKI
7<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
A BUNCH OF (DOCTOR WHO) FIVES<br />
5 Things I Expect Matt Smith To Own<br />
• At least one (full) football sticker album<br />
• (Pirated) Classic Series’ DVD’s<br />
• At least one item of one of Karen Gillan’s<br />
costumes<br />
• (Broken) Doctor Who toys<br />
• A vast collection of hats<br />
5 Things I Suspect Steven Moffat Does<br />
Whilst Writing<br />
• Writes ideas on his h<strong>and</strong>s before typing it<br />
out<br />
• Makes sure there is as much noise as<br />
possible before he starts<br />
• Drinks Irn Bru<br />
• Curses under his breath as the dreaded<br />
Microsoft Paperclip pops up<br />
• Recycles lines from his previous works<br />
5 Things I Want To See From Karen<br />
Gillan<br />
• More great facial expressions<br />
• More wearing of tights<br />
• Continued usage of the phrase ‘ma boys’<br />
• A dress littered with ?’s, ala the JNT era<br />
• Her phone number<br />
5 Actors Who Should Guest Star In<br />
Doctor Who<br />
• David Jason<br />
• Rik Mayall<br />
• Sean Pertwee<br />
• Graham Norton<br />
• Harry Sedgewick<br />
5 Things That Tom Baker will do before<br />
agreeing to do Big Finish stories<br />
• Go h<strong>and</strong> gilding<br />
• Be Engl<strong>and</strong>’s captain for the World Cup<br />
<strong>and</strong> replace John Terry at centre-half<br />
• Go to a convention <strong>and</strong> dress up as Tegan<br />
• L<strong>and</strong> on the moon<br />
• Guest star in the new series of Doctor Who,<br />
as The Master<br />
5 Big Finish characters who are better<br />
than their television series counterparts<br />
• Evelyn Smythe (played by Maggie Stables)<br />
• Charlotte ‘Charley’ Pollard (India <strong>Fish</strong>er)<br />
• Lucie Miller (Sheridan Smith)<br />
• Thomas Hector ‘Hex’ Schofield (Philip<br />
Oliver)<br />
• Bernice ‘Benny’ Summerfield (Lisa<br />
Bowerman)<br />
5 Doctor Who Stories That Would Make<br />
Good Adult Movie Titles<br />
• The Pleasure Hive<br />
• Planet of the Ooh<br />
• Galaxy 4-Some<br />
• Under-ware World<br />
• The Girl in My-place<br />
5 Doctor Who ‘Agendas’, Made Up By<br />
Fans<br />
• The ‘Gay Agenda’<br />
• The ‘Scottish Agenda’<br />
• The ‘London Agenda’<br />
• The ‘Earth’ Agenda<br />
• The ‘Poking Fun At Fans’ Agenda<br />
5 Pointless Castings In Doctor Who<br />
• Hale <strong>and</strong> Pace<br />
• Gerald Flood<br />
• McFly<br />
• Barbara Windsor<br />
• Mike Skinner<br />
5 Things That Would Happen If Doctor<br />
Who or Torchwood Was Ever Broadcast<br />
on FOX in the US<br />
• It’ll be subtitled<br />
• Each episode would be 3 hours long,<br />
thanks to advert breaks<br />
• The name of the program will always be<br />
shown as ‘Doc. Who’, whilst Torchwood<br />
will be ‘Torchwood:UK’<br />
• Any gay/sexual references will be cut out.<br />
• John Barrowman will be cut out
8<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
5 David Tennant Things<br />
• Sideburns<br />
• Casanova<br />
• WHAT!<br />
• Terrorising Harry Potter<br />
• Introducing Girls to Doctor Who f<strong>and</strong>om<br />
5 Things I Suspect RTD Does Whilst<br />
Writing<br />
• Writes his ideas on cigarette packets before<br />
typing it out<br />
• Music of choice: Scissor Sisters<br />
• Drinks Brains Bitter<br />
• Curses under his breath as Tom MacRae<br />
asks for another re-write<br />
• Recycles ideas from Buffy/Angel/Stargate<br />
5 Things People Do At A Doctor Who<br />
Convention<br />
• Attend talks<br />
• Talk to other fans about the episodes<br />
• Buy expensive official merch<strong>and</strong>ise<br />
• Get autographs<br />
• Dress up as Doctor Who characters<br />
5 Things The <strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Fanzine</strong> Team<br />
Do At Doctor Who Conventions<br />
• Go to (<strong>and</strong> stay) at the bar<br />
• Chat up a member of the opposite/same sex<br />
• Buys cheap, unofficial merch<strong>and</strong>ise<br />
• Goes clubbing afterwards<br />
• Gets back home/to the hotel at 7am<br />
5 More Things That Tom Baker will do<br />
before agreeing to do Big Finish stories<br />
• Win Miss UK 2010<br />
• Caddy for Tiger Woods <strong>and</strong> give him<br />
advice on women<br />
• Tell David Walliams <strong>and</strong> Matt Lucas that<br />
they aren’t funny, just embarrassing<br />
• Have a Christmas No1 with a cover of<br />
Shakira’s ‘My Hips Don’t Lie’<br />
• Do a BBC audio drama (or two)….<br />
5 Big Finish Stories You Should Listen To<br />
• Spare Parts (5 th Doctor)<br />
• The Marian Conspiracy (6 th Doctor)<br />
• Night Thoughts (7 th Doctor)<br />
• Storm Warning (8 th Doctor)<br />
• Medicinal Purposes (6 th Doctor)<br />
5 Things I Suspect Michael Grade <strong>and</strong><br />
Jonathan Powell Do With Their Time<br />
Nowadays<br />
• Sit in their comfy wingback chairs all day,<br />
shouting abuse at their housekeepers for no<br />
reason at all<br />
• Play golf with each other <strong>and</strong> other ex-<br />
BBC colleagues for £50 an hole<br />
• Steal sweets from children<br />
• Michael tells anyone who’d listen that he<br />
was the man who ‘sacked Doctor Who’<br />
• Jonathan tells anyone who’d listen that<br />
Eldorado was a great idea <strong>and</strong> that the<br />
money wouldn’t have been better spent on<br />
‘rubbish like Doctor Who’<br />
5 Terry Nation Things<br />
• Daleks<br />
• Blakes 7<br />
• Survivors<br />
• Rebecca’s World<br />
• The 1960’s Dalek Movies<br />
5 Jobs That Billie Piper Should Turn<br />
Her H<strong>and</strong> To (careful! – Ed)<br />
• Dinner Lady<br />
• Shop Assistant<br />
• Agony Aunt<br />
• Politician<br />
• Pop Singer<br />
5 Items You Could Write A List of Fives<br />
On<br />
• Beer mat<br />
• Cigarette packet<br />
• Toilet roll<br />
• A wall.<br />
• A small dog
9<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
THE DOCTOR OF OZ<br />
The Munchkin had been caught red-h<strong>and</strong>ed, trying to steal apples from the Wicked Witch's<br />
personal orchard, a crime punishable by death in these fairytale l<strong>and</strong>s, where fruit <strong>and</strong> veg<br />
are prized beyond even gold. That's what happens when your country is surrounded on all<br />
sides by an impassable desert.<br />
The Munchkin hung his head in shame. All he'd wanted was a few apples for his Munchkin<br />
wife <strong>and</strong> imminent Munchkin baby.<br />
"I'll promise you my first born child if you let me go<br />
!" he cried, terrified, as the Witch stood over him with her huge w<strong>and</strong> in her h<strong>and</strong>, its tip<br />
sparkling menacingly. "You can do what you wish with her, only spare me!"<br />
"I own you all anyway" the Witch scoffed. "So quit your bitching. Any Munchkin who steals<br />
my apples will be executed, no exceptions!" She threw back her head <strong>and</strong> laughed,<br />
showing off the crooked teeth <strong>and</strong> maniacal laughter of all the best evil despots.<br />
The Munchkin fell to his knees, arms out in supplication. "No!" he squealed.<br />
"Exterminate!!" laughed the Witch, raising her w<strong>and</strong> <strong>and</strong> aiming at him. "Exterminate!<br />
Exterminate!"<br />
A whooshing in the air...<br />
In the sky the blue box appeared.<br />
The Wicked Witch paused momentarily in her chastising of the bold Munchkin, gazing at<br />
the spectacle. The Munchkin took the opportunity to turn <strong>and</strong> run.<br />
Distracted by the escapee, the Witch turned after him, raising her w<strong>and</strong>, eager to end him.<br />
And then -<br />
CRASH!<br />
The Munchkin stared in shock <strong>and</strong> awe as the box opened, <strong>and</strong> a man got out,<br />
straightening his bowtie <strong>and</strong> coughing, smoke billowing out around him. It was hard to see<br />
the inside, but the Munchkin thought for an impossible moment that the inside looked<br />
decidedly bigger than the outside. He also realised that the Wicked Witch was now merely<br />
a splat on the rough ground.<br />
A pair of red shoes was just visible by the door of the box, twinkling in the sunshine.<br />
The man glanced at them. The Munchkin was still staring, both at the man <strong>and</strong> the shoes,<br />
jaw slack, barely daring to hope that just maybe, he wasn't going to die today.<br />
The man grinned. "Whoops" he said, before turning <strong>and</strong> re-entering the box.<br />
EMMA DONOVAN
10<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
Playing Games: City of the Daleks<br />
Mention ‘playing games’ to the editor of<br />
the fanzine <strong>and</strong> he’ll just beguile you<br />
with tales of women <strong>and</strong> drink. So in<br />
short – he doesn’t have a clue about<br />
computer games. So with this in mind,<br />
we enlisted games expert Tim Nolde to<br />
give us the lowdown on ‘City of the<br />
Daleks’ part 1 of 4 FREE downloadable<br />
games from the official Doctor Who<br />
website.<br />
Around the start of the new series of Doctor Who, the BBC announced that a four part<br />
episodic game would also be released. The first part of this series of games was released,<br />
in the last couple of weeks <strong>and</strong> can be found here -<br />
http://www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho/dw/theadventuregames - at the moment only the PC<br />
version is the only one available but a Mac version will be out shortly.<br />
The premise of the episode is that the Doctor <strong>and</strong> Amy have gone to 1963 London where<br />
they have found that the Daleks have altered history by invading the Earth. The Doctor<br />
<strong>and</strong> Amy must try to solve this problem, as well as trying to prevent Amy disappearing in<br />
true ‘Back to the Future’ style.<br />
I've finished the first episode <strong>and</strong> here are my thoughts on the game:<br />
Elements of the game I liked (apart from being FREE!)<br />
It has high production values<br />
Obviously this is an official game from the BBC so of course a lot of the game would be<br />
similar to the TV show, but I was impressed with how close they managed to get it. All<br />
the music (from the series) can be found in the game <strong>and</strong> the right themes are placed in the<br />
spots where you would imagine they'd be if this was on the TV. Matt Smith <strong>and</strong> Karen<br />
Gillan voice the characters, which help to bring the computer-generated characters to life.<br />
The game also has a prologue which leads into a polygonal representation of the Doctor<br />
Who TV intro, which really helps make this feel like an episode of Doctor Who, the<br />
credits are done in the same way as well.<br />
All these elements together make a game which really feels like you're in an episode of<br />
Doctor Who <strong>and</strong> for any fanatic of the show - they will really enjoy getting engrossed in<br />
the game. Even the casual watcher of Doctor Who will enjoy the game, as the production<br />
values make it feel very much like the TV show.
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It's an Adventure Game<br />
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I have always thought that Doctor Who would make a good ‘point <strong>and</strong> click’ adventure<br />
game <strong>and</strong> I was right, as it plays very well. The controls are similar to how most 3D<br />
adventure games control nowadays - with the character being controlled either using the<br />
keyboard or by holding down the left mouse button. Selecting objects is a bit different, as<br />
instead of a mouse cursor, you have to rotate the camera around to the object you wish to<br />
interact with. The same method applies if you wish to use an item in your inventory.<br />
Compared to many other adventure games, the interface seems to have been simplified,<br />
probably because of a potential younger audience, but it works well <strong>and</strong> the controls will<br />
not hamper your enjoyment of the game.<br />
The adventure gameplay is fun to play through <strong>and</strong> some of the puzzles are interesting to<br />
work out. As well as the st<strong>and</strong>ard adventure gameplay, there are also some puzzles which<br />
require you to move objects through a maze or rewire circuit boards. As The Doctor does<br />
not normally get into fights or gun battles, an adventure game setting really works in<br />
making it feel like you are The Doctor <strong>and</strong> helps to it make an engrossing game to play<br />
through. You also get to use the Sonic Screwdriver a fair bit, which adds to the<br />
experience.<br />
The Facts Are Actually Quite Interesting<br />
Whilst playing this game, I realised why the BBC may have spent licence fee money on<br />
creating these games <strong>and</strong> that is because of the educational facts in the game. The facts<br />
are most prominent in the 1963 section of the game, when you go near certain objects<br />
there is a prompt to click for a fact (for example - there is one about Nelson’s Column).<br />
Now I think these facts were put in to educate kids, who will mostly play these games, but<br />
the facts themselves are actually quite interesting for adults to read. You might find that<br />
you'll come across something which you never knew before <strong>and</strong> when it happened to me,<br />
it certainly impressed me. A minor detail, but helped make the game more entertaining.<br />
Extra Collectibles<br />
During the game you can find <strong>and</strong> pick up cards. These cards contain different pieces of<br />
information about the Doctor Who universe. If you're a big Doctor Who fan - you'll<br />
certainly enjoy reading these cards! Just wait until you find the David Tennant one...<br />
Parts I Didn't Like<br />
Stealth Sections Can Be Annoying<br />
Whilst having a good adventure game element, it seems that this game has fallen into a<br />
trap that most games did post-MGS1 (Metal Gear Solid? – Ed) where there is a stealth<br />
section in the game. During the game you have to avoid Daleks, whom patrol the levels,<br />
with each Dalek having a vision cone which you can see. The game is fairly forgiving if<br />
you're caught in one of these vision cones, as you have the chance to escape, but you
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might find yourself dying a lot in these sections. The checkpoints also don't help as you'll<br />
have to replay whole sections to get through it again. These sections shouldn't put you off<br />
the game, but they can become fairly annoying if you want to get through them quickly.<br />
The Game is a Bit Buggy<br />
This might be because I was running the game at the highest settings, but I found the<br />
game’s performance a bit unpredictable. There were some bits where the frame rate would<br />
drop considerably <strong>and</strong> even one section where the whole level seemed to be collapsing or<br />
disappearing. I also found some clipping issues with the game where I would fall through<br />
the floor or go through walls, the game would react <strong>and</strong> put you back <strong>and</strong> it's not very<br />
impressive to see happen. All very surprising, even though the game doesn't really push<br />
the graphical department too far.<br />
The Game is a Fairly Simple<br />
As mentioned, I imagine this game was designed for the younger audience in mind.<br />
Needless to say though - the puzzles are quite simple. A lot of them will involve finding<br />
an item <strong>and</strong> returning it to a specific area <strong>and</strong> considering you can only hold four<br />
inventory items - you probably won't get stuck for too long. The game will guide you<br />
down the correct path, which removes some of the frustration of getting lost, but it does<br />
mean it doesn't tax the brain too much. Due to the game being episodic, it isn't<br />
considerably long either - I managed to finish it in about 2 hours. Not much of a<br />
challenge if you're used to adventure games.<br />
The Voice Acting Could Be Better<br />
As mentioned the game stars Matt Smith <strong>and</strong> Karen Gillan <strong>and</strong> generally the voice acting<br />
is very good. The voices of the two main characters does sound a bit like they don't want<br />
to be there (Well it is a Dalek Earth, nobody wouldn’t want to be there really! – Ed) <strong>and</strong><br />
doesn't match the acting found in the show. It is a minor complaint though as the voice<br />
acting is by no means terrible, just could be improved.<br />
Summary<br />
For a first attempt this Doctor Who game is quite good. It certainly looks, sounds <strong>and</strong><br />
feels like you're in the TV show, with a good story to accompany it. There are some<br />
minor issues with the gameplay <strong>and</strong> performance though, but since it is free - you<br />
shouldn't let these issues stop you from having a go at the game.<br />
If you're a massive Doctor Who fan, then you might have already played this game, but if<br />
you haven't then you're in for a treat as it is filled with loads of content for the fans. If<br />
you're a casual fan of Doctor Who, I would also recommend having a go.<br />
You can read more of Tim’s game reviews at http://www.timongames.co.uk/
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Journey To The Forbidden Planet –<br />
A Rebecca’s World Review<br />
After hearing that Big Finish, mostly known for its extensive range of Doctor Who audio<br />
dramas, was to do an audiobook of Terry Nation’s 1976 novel, Rebecca’s World, my<br />
thoughts drifted towards a book, gathering dust on my bookshelf.<br />
I was at Primary School <strong>and</strong> every few days, at the end of the day, the teacher would read<br />
a bit out of a book. One of those books was Rebecca’s World <strong>and</strong> from the moment the<br />
teacher read it, a 10-year old me loved it. I loved it so much that I ‘borrowed’ it from the<br />
school library <strong>and</strong> never returned it! It’s now 14 years overdue, thankfully I don’t think<br />
schools fine you for returning books late! Not that I’m going to return it now!<br />
Nation, famed for his Daleks, wrote the story for<br />
his daughter Rebecca in 1976 <strong>and</strong> it’s very much a<br />
story that is perfectly made for a parent to read to<br />
their child. Despite being re-printed on a number<br />
of occasions, copies of book are rare <strong>and</strong> sell for<br />
more than £10 on Ebay. So it’s a really good idea<br />
for Big Finish to produce an audio version. I was<br />
left wondering though, whether or not they had<br />
tried to get the rights to the printed version, as it’s<br />
likely to sell more copies than an audiobook. Just<br />
out of interest - my copy is a 1994 re-print, that I<br />
won’t be selling - as it has a ‘St. Marks C.E<br />
Primary School’ stamp on the inside cover!<br />
The narrative follows a bored little girl (Rebecca, obviously!) who goes against her<br />
father’s wishes, sneaks into his study <strong>and</strong> plays around with his telescope. After looking<br />
at a star, she finds herself on a strange world where there are no trees – just glass<br />
buildings, owned by the wicked Mister Glister. Glister is able to exploit the people as the<br />
world is under constant threat from creatures known as ‘Ghosts’. Together with her new<br />
found friends (Grisby, Captain K <strong>and</strong> Kovak) Rebecca must find a way of stopping the<br />
Ghosts from taking over, end Mister Glister’s tyranny <strong>and</strong> hope that she can get home!<br />
The audio is performed (rather than read) in the same manner that the book is written –<br />
each character is well-developed, everything has a purpose <strong>and</strong> the story itself moves at a<br />
decent pace. Paul Darrow (who played Avon in Nation’s television series, Blakes’ 7) is<br />
excellent as the narrator <strong>and</strong> provides a wide array of voices, so you know which character<br />
is which! The underlying sound affects provide an extra layer to the story <strong>and</strong> it wasn’t<br />
something I was expecting, but they certainly help to pull you into the story that little bit<br />
more!<br />
One thing that you pick up from the story is that Nation has written in a couple of<br />
‘lessons’ for children. There are warnings against bad habits, boredom <strong>and</strong> politeness, as
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well as how to problem-solve - as Rebecca <strong>and</strong> her new-found friends undergo various<br />
tasks throughout the story. The plot also has a backdrop of deforestation, which happens<br />
to be the reason for the planet being under threat. Terry Nation was certainly a man who<br />
was ahead of his time - can you just imagine what his work would be like if he had the<br />
benefit of studying today’s world?<br />
Overall, it’s a wonderful story that if you just sit back, listen <strong>and</strong> don’t take too seriously,<br />
you will enjoy. It helps if you have a child, but it doesn’t really matter to be honest! Paul<br />
Darrow is on top form <strong>and</strong> I wasn’t expecting him to have such a comm<strong>and</strong> of the story.<br />
He really does pull you into Rebecca’s strange world!<br />
With the ridiculously-high prices that second-h<strong>and</strong> copies fetch, the audiobook is the next<br />
best thing. You can order the story (CD or download) from<br />
http://www.bigfinish.com/Rebeccas-World or from various bookshop retailers.<br />
DANIEL GEE
15<br />
Harry Who?<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
Who, my scene in Skins was cut. Not<br />
sure why.<br />
I’ve just recently turned down an offer<br />
from Eastenders, playing yet another<br />
Mitchell relation. No matter how<br />
destitute I am, I’m a proper actor <strong>and</strong> I<br />
will NEVER lower myself to the<br />
st<strong>and</strong>ards that the folks on Albert Square<br />
do.<br />
Get Me In Doctor Who!<br />
In what (we hope) will be a regular<br />
column in the fanzine, jobbing actor<br />
(<strong>and</strong> part-time doorman of a<br />
Manchester ‘Gentleman’s Club’),<br />
Harry Sedgewick, will give us an<br />
insight into what life in the acting<br />
world is REALLY like. From sharing<br />
cocktails with JNT to being arrested<br />
by PC Tony Stamp - this man has<br />
seen <strong>and</strong> done it all.<br />
Greetings Who-people! My name is<br />
Harry Sedgewick, an actor of many<br />
years experience. You may know me<br />
from my appearance as an evil clown<br />
from the 1988 story ‘The Greatest Show<br />
in The Galaxy’. Sadly - my one line was<br />
cut, as well as the rest of my<br />
appearance, which included me being<br />
tripped up by Sophie Aldred. I’m not at<br />
all bitter, as I managed to steal one of<br />
JNT’s ‘hilarious’ Hawaiian shirts! It’s<br />
the best memento from my 25-year<br />
acting career, so far.<br />
Recently I stared in ‘Silent Witness’<br />
(playing a corpse) ‘The Bill’ (a cameo<br />
as a petty thief, although I didn’t realise<br />
that there was filming going on) <strong>and</strong> as a<br />
pervert in ‘Skins’. In fact like Doctor<br />
I was grateful to the editor for giving me<br />
the chance to pen this column, as it’s a<br />
great opportunity to pimp myself for a<br />
role on the new Doctor Who. Now that<br />
Brussel T Davies has left - the<br />
restraining order has expired so I’m able<br />
to pepper the new producer with letters,<br />
gifts <strong>and</strong> offers of discounted lap<br />
dancers. But I need YOUR HELP to<br />
put right the biggest travesty in acting<br />
history. Please don’t let me become the<br />
‘nearly man’ of Doctor Who <strong>and</strong> help<br />
me to appear in an episode that won’t<br />
see me cut!<br />
I’ll be a decent Rani. I hear he’s a<br />
popular Dalek with you fans!<br />
Matt Superb<br />
I must say that I’ve been thoroughly<br />
enjoying the new Doctor Who series<br />
with Matt Moffat. New producer<br />
Stephen Smith has been doing a great<br />
job (if you’re reading Stephen - contact<br />
the editor for my address, I’ll play<br />
anything!)<br />
Those Crying Angel things have been<br />
my favourite monster so far. One of my<br />
first roles was as a 5 year-old, playing a<br />
sheep in the school nativity play. I tried<br />
to play it from a similar angel as the
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Angles in Doctor Who, but the teacher<br />
didn’t agree <strong>and</strong> threw a board duster at<br />
me. Bit harsh, considering there wasn’t<br />
a blackboard in sight. Ah the 70’s,<br />
where the corporal punishment of young<br />
children was acceptable!<br />
Lovely Karen<br />
I couldn’t really talk about the new<br />
Doctor Who series without mentioning<br />
young Karen. Isn’t she lovely? In the<br />
past, Doctor Who has been accused of<br />
casting young women just for the lads<br />
<strong>and</strong> dads. To be honest – I’m all for it.<br />
If it works for Blue Peter, it’ll work for<br />
Doctor Who.<br />
Moose Women<br />
Here in the UK we have a daytime<br />
program for women called ‘Loose<br />
Women’, I believe it’s a version of a US<br />
show, where women television<br />
personalities, who you don’t know,<br />
basically talk rubbish <strong>and</strong> interview<br />
celebrity guests, who obviously don’t<br />
want to be there, for an hour. Just like<br />
all women then! Anyway, I’m now on<br />
permanent st<strong>and</strong>-by for the show, just in<br />
case nobody’s arsed to turn up.<br />
Thankfully, Pete the doorman is never<br />
off sick, so he saves me the task of<br />
travelling down to London to hold the<br />
door open for Jane McDonald or any of<br />
the others in her coven.<br />
A Game of Singles<br />
Speaking of daft women – my 4 th wife<br />
has finally got sick of me <strong>and</strong> is filing<br />
for divorce. She got wind of the fact<br />
that I won £1000 on a scratch-card. She<br />
doesn’t know I’ve already spent it on a<br />
summer holiday to Ibiza! Some young<br />
ladies, who are heading to the Balearics<br />
this summer, are going to get very lucky<br />
indeed!<br />
Apparently, her reasons for a divorce<br />
are for ‘ab<strong>and</strong>onment <strong>and</strong> sexism’. As<br />
you can tell - I’m the last person to<br />
undertake those things!<br />
I don’t think she liked my reason for<br />
divorce being ‘because she’s a fat cow’,<br />
however!<br />
And Finally…Blood Work<br />
At the moment, I’m doing double-shifts<br />
at the club, but I’ll be heading down<br />
south to film a few episodes of Holby<br />
City this month. I’ll be playing a coma<br />
patient <strong>and</strong> I’m very excited! I played a<br />
coma patient in its parent show,<br />
Casualty, in 1987. I wonder if it’s the<br />
same role?<br />
Speaking of horrible faces, isn’t it<br />
wonderful that the UK now has David<br />
Cameron as the new Prime Minister?<br />
Personally, I think they should bring<br />
Maggie Thatcher back, as she did<br />
wonders for the working people of the<br />
UK, especially here in Northern<br />
Engl<strong>and</strong>. Remember, political parties<br />
are like lions - they never change their<br />
spots.<br />
So on that serious note, I bid you<br />
goodnight! Don’t forget to leave some<br />
feedback <strong>and</strong> send that Stephen Smithbloke<br />
letters about me appearing in the<br />
next series!<br />
All the best!<br />
Harry x
17<br />
Trap One<br />
If you’re a listener to the plethora of<br />
Doctor Who podcasts that are out<br />
there, you would have probably come<br />
across Doctor Who: Podshock,<br />
hosted by Louis Trapani, Ken Deep<br />
<strong>and</strong> James Naughton. Podshock is<br />
the oldest fan-made Doctor Who<br />
podcast <strong>and</strong> is ran on the back of The<br />
Gallifreyan Embassy, which was<br />
originally set up as a fan club, in Long<br />
Isl<strong>and</strong>, New York in 1985.<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
This month sees The Gallifreyan Embassy celebrate its 25 th Anniversary. We put some<br />
questions to Louis, who was hailed as ‘The Godfather of Doctor Who podcasts’ by fellow<br />
podcasters at the recent Gallifrey convention!<br />
Hi Louis! (A bit of an obvious one to kick off with!) How did the Gallifreyan Embassy<br />
start?<br />
The Gallifreyan Embassy started when in the early to mid-80's at that time in the US, when<br />
Doctor Who was gathering a large <strong>and</strong> loyal following on PBS. Various local-based Doctor<br />
Who organizations were forming so that people could find like-minded fans that enjoy their<br />
interests. When I discovered there were none addressing my area, Long Isl<strong>and</strong>, New York,<br />
I decided that there should be one. So it was in June 1985, that the Gallifreyan Embassy of<br />
Long Isl<strong>and</strong> was founded. In time, our membership exp<strong>and</strong>ed well beyond that of Long<br />
Isl<strong>and</strong>. Today we serve f<strong>and</strong>om worldwide.<br />
Like the majority of North American Doctor Who fans, did you discover Doctor Who<br />
via PBS?<br />
Not originally. I became a real fan of the series via PBS, but I first discovered Doctor Who<br />
when it was syndicated on a local commercial television station serving the New York<br />
market. Unfortunately they aired two episodes every Saturday morning in the late 1970s.<br />
At the time, I was employed delivering newspapers on a paper route which meant I would<br />
often be out delivering papers when it was being shown. I still hadn't bought my first VCR<br />
yet, so there was no way to time shift it. Which meant it was hard to follow because I would<br />
often miss two episodes at a time, <strong>and</strong> with the majority of stories being aired being fourparters,<br />
I would miss half the story often.<br />
It wasn't until a few years later when my local PBS station started showing them daily in the<br />
early evening that enabled me to get hooked on them.<br />
What is the state of PBS nowadays? Is it still common for people to tune in?<br />
Unfortunately, with some rather rare exceptions, Doctor Who is no longer found on PBS<br />
stations across the US today. For the most part, in recent years you could only find them<br />
on the Sci-Fi Channel ("syfy" whatever they are calling themselves today) <strong>and</strong> more<br />
recently BBC America. If you want to see anything prior to the 9th Doctor on either, you
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would have to look elsewhere. Elsewhere mainly being DVDs <strong>and</strong> to some extent iTunes<br />
<strong>and</strong> other similar services.<br />
Do you have any st<strong>and</strong>out memories from the pre-podshock days?<br />
Many. Doctor Who: Podshock was launched on the 20th anniversary of the Gallifreyan<br />
Embassy. So we already had 20 years experience before even starting Doctor Who:<br />
Podshock. There were many friendships that formed over the years, <strong>and</strong> most date back to<br />
the very beginning. Given that it has now been 25 years, we came through it altogether<br />
rather well. That said, we did lose one good friend that played a big part back in the day in<br />
a motor vehicle accident. Which goes to many st<strong>and</strong>out memories of meeting <strong>and</strong><br />
interviewing so many people involved with the series who are no longer around today. You<br />
were always assured a great time when you have Patrick Troughton <strong>and</strong> Jon Pertwee<br />
competing with the then recent/current Doctors Peter Davison <strong>and</strong> Colin Baker together at<br />
conventions. So much mayhem <strong>and</strong> fun. Of course, it was all in good fun <strong>and</strong> friendly<br />
spirits.<br />
So fast-forward to 2005. The Gallifreyan Embassy now has a presence on the<br />
internet. What made you decide to do a podcast?<br />
The origin of Doctor Who: Podshock is similar to that of the Gallifreyan Embassy in a way.<br />
The series had been announced to come back to television in spring 2005. Podcasts were<br />
a fledging new media distribution method (it still is in many ways). We had done printed<br />
newsletters over the years, <strong>and</strong> we have even done video shows in the past which were<br />
shown at our monthly meetings. It was 2005 <strong>and</strong> we needed to use the internet. Podcasts<br />
were something I was already familiar with <strong>and</strong> there weren't any Doctor Who ones initially.<br />
Unfortunately, before we could record anything, I came down with a bad case of bronchitis.<br />
My voice sounded horrible for some time. So we pushed it off until I was feeling <strong>and</strong><br />
sounding better <strong>and</strong> we had the time to focus on it. It was the 20th anniversary of<br />
Gallifreyan Embassy <strong>and</strong> with that we were also taking the then static website for the<br />
organization <strong>and</strong> making it into an interactive one. All this was coinciding with the<br />
anniversary, so it made sense to launch Doctor Who: Podshock at the same time as well.<br />
You stumbled upon a podcast hosted by James <strong>and</strong> invited him on board. Was the<br />
plan to always have 2 American hosts <strong>and</strong> 1 Brit, in order to have a perspective from<br />
the ‘home of Doctor Who’?<br />
The podcast idea came first, I believe. It was during the planning stage of the show that it<br />
made sense to have a host in the UK. Being that Doctor Who has always been an<br />
institution in the UK it simply made sense to have someone on the show to give the<br />
perspective of the new series in the UK. As you said, I heard James Naughton doing his<br />
show (which was more or less a personal audio blog) <strong>and</strong> I listened long enough to know<br />
that he would be a perfect fit with Ken <strong>and</strong> myself.<br />
You’ve interviewed many Doctor Who actors/writers/producers in the past 25 years,<br />
you’ve even had the foresight to record interviews with Patrick Troughton <strong>and</strong> Jon<br />
Pertwee. For those who weren’t around at the time, what was it like meeting <strong>and</strong><br />
interviewing Patrick <strong>and</strong> Jon?<br />
This goes back to your earlier question about st<strong>and</strong>out memories. It was a privilege as well<br />
as a pleasure to interview both Patrick Troughton <strong>and</strong> Jon Pertwee. Not to mention the<br />
time spent with them outside of the actual interview itself. We often had a chance to spend
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time with them before <strong>and</strong> after the interview as well. From a fan's perspective it offered<br />
great insight <strong>and</strong> a wealth of knowledge to the series of days long gone by, but it was often<br />
quite fun discussing matters outside of the Doctor Who as well. It was enormous fun.<br />
Do you have a favourite encounter with someone from the show?<br />
Wow. Oh several I would imagine. Be it demonstrating the latest technology from Apple at<br />
the time, the Newton with Sylvester McCoy (which I had similarly done again with the<br />
iPhone though this time with Colin Baker) to hanging out with John Nathan-Turner <strong>and</strong><br />
Gary Downey while they were doing a book signing in NY <strong>and</strong> hearing so many of their<br />
stories off-the-record.<br />
You recently attended the screening of ‘The Eleventh Hour’ in New York <strong>and</strong> got to<br />
ask Matt Smith <strong>and</strong> Karen Gillan a few questions. What was it like meeting the<br />
current incumbents of the TARDIS <strong>and</strong> actually interviewing them?<br />
We had met Steven Moffat before, but it was the first time meeting Matt Smith <strong>and</strong> Karen<br />
Gillan. Karen was a little taller than expected. She was delightful. Matt Smith was<br />
incredible. Meeting him in person made it so clear why he was chosen for the role. He has<br />
the energy <strong>and</strong> personality that is so well suited for the part. He is very personable.<br />
Although it was the first time meeting him, it very much felt like meeting an old friend.<br />
There was nothing pretentious about him.<br />
Do you think Doctor Who is now starting to get a foothold in America, seeing as the<br />
whole New York event seemed like a movie premier?<br />
It is very weird now. It is far more commonly known in the US now than ever before,<br />
although not 'mainstream' just yet. Which is a good thing. I always enjoyed Doctor Who<br />
being sort of a secret treasure here in the States even among other sci-fi fans. Today,<br />
every sci-fi fan knows of it... <strong>and</strong> more <strong>and</strong> more is it finding its way to the public at large.<br />
The huge turn outs at the events in NYC in April is testimony to it. Whereas we were able<br />
to spend an intimate afternoon with JNT at a book signing event in NYC in 1985 without<br />
much in the way of large crowds, I don't think it would be the same today if Steven Moffat<br />
were here doing one now.<br />
With its live show, Podshock is now a regular feature at the annual Gallifrey<br />
convention in Los Angles. If given the opportunity, would you like do more of these<br />
live shows?<br />
In addition to the live shows we do in person in California at the Gallifrey One conventions,<br />
we also have been doing similar shows in New York over the years at the annual I-CON<br />
convention in Stony Brook <strong>and</strong> just last month we performed a live show in New York City.<br />
It's always fun doing the show live in front of an audience. You get that immediate<br />
feedback that you often don't have doing studio shows. Each have their pros <strong>and</strong> cons.<br />
Yes, if other conventions would like to bring us there to do a live show, we would<br />
interested.<br />
Many thanks to Louis for taking the time to answer our questions. You can check<br />
out Doctor Who: Podshock at http://www.podshock.net or on ITunes.
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<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
The Eleventh Hour Review<br />
This fanzine owes Matt’s Smith’s first full episode, The Eleventh Hour, a lot.<br />
Apart from obviously providing the name of the fanzine, it actually made me<br />
fall in love with Doctor Who all over again <strong>and</strong> inspired me to start this<br />
humble fanzine. Here is my review of The Eleventh Hour, written just a day<br />
after the episode aired, after watching it for the third time!<br />
I’m grinning like a loon at the moment. Not because the episode was so good, nor<br />
the fact that the episode had very good viewing figures. I’m not even grinning<br />
because I got in with a lady on Saturday night (actually that’s a lie) - it’s because<br />
the normally-fickle fans of Doctor Who mostly agreed that Matt Smith was THE<br />
Doctor <strong>and</strong> the episode was thoroughly enjoyable. The chances of the fans<br />
unanimously agreeing on something, pre-Eleventh Hour, was about the same as<br />
Engl<strong>and</strong> winning the World Cup. Or indeed me getting in with a lady…<br />
But wasn’t it brilliant? From the moment the camera pans into Amelia Pond’s<br />
house, to when The Doctor whisks off Amy for adventures new - I was hooked all<br />
the way. I honestly believe that someone who finds fault with this episode, is just<br />
doing it for finding faults-sake. No real Doctor Who fan can pan something which<br />
has such beautiful moments as when Amelia packs her little suitcase <strong>and</strong> waits<br />
for The Doctor, who we know will never show. Or the moment when The Doctor<br />
walks through the image of his previous incarnations <strong>and</strong> announces that he IS<br />
The Doctor. Not the Matt Smith Doctor or the 11th Doctor, but THE Doctor. It’s<br />
something that I really was desperate for Steven Moffat to put across. The Doctor<br />
is always the same man - just with a different face.<br />
I really enjoyed the ‘food scene’ when The Doctor was trying out different tastes<br />
for his mouth. Again, that was another point to drive home that this man was just<br />
a new incarnation of the same person, which was why he now likes the taste of<br />
fish fingers <strong>and</strong> custard, instead of apples! Oh <strong>and</strong> I loved his answer to when<br />
little Amelia offered him carrots - ‘Carrots – are you insane?’ I suspect (hope?)<br />
that was a reference to the 6th Doctor, as his last line in his criminally-short<br />
tenure as The Doctor was ‘Carrot Juice, Carrot Juice, Carrot Juice’!<br />
What can I say about Amy Pond that hasn’t been said already? Well not much, as<br />
you probably can guess where this is going - but she is definitely one for the Lads<br />
<strong>and</strong> Dads! But that’s unfair, as most actresses cast in a similar mould can’t<br />
actually act, whereas Karen was pretty decent on her first outing! I thought she<br />
made the best of what she was given <strong>and</strong> I loved her facial reactions, whenever<br />
The Doctor spoke to her/riled her up. Generally, the response to her has been<br />
warm, but I suppose it’ll be better to judge her on her first full episode, as she<br />
wasn’t actually in this for its entirety!<br />
Apart from the wonderful Matt Smith (who I’ll get to later) the other star performer<br />
in this was young Caitlin Blackwood, who played young Amy. Watching Doctor
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Who Confidential later (which was much improved, with less narration <strong>and</strong> more<br />
interesting features, by the way) we learn that Caitlin has never acted on telly<br />
before. I just thought that was absolutely incredible, as she looks like an absolute<br />
natural. Like Karen, I really enjoyed her facial reactions, perhaps even more so<br />
than her real-life cousin who played the older version!<br />
Now then…Matt Smith. I must admit I (childishly) groaned <strong>and</strong> actually shouted at<br />
the telly in frustration when he was announced as the new Doctor (which I regret<br />
now of course!) Not many people had even heard of him, but as he was<br />
interviewed during the special-Doctor Who Confidential, I could see why Moffat<br />
<strong>and</strong> co. had cast him. Basically, as himself he is just a bit…erm…different! For<br />
someone playing an alien time-traveller, that aspect of somebody’s personality is<br />
just perfect! If he behaves like that as himself, what’s he going to be like once he<br />
actually acts in the role? After his short scene in ‘The End of Time’ I can honestly<br />
say that I was sold on him. I KNEW he would be wonderful. I know we’re only one<br />
episode in, but that can work both ways - we’re one episode in, so he can get<br />
even BETTER!<br />
I notice that I haven’t said much about the actual story, which I thought was<br />
thoroughly well-written <strong>and</strong> loose ends were tidily knotted. That’s what you get<br />
with Steven Moffat - he is just a very careful writer who doesn’t write anything for<br />
effect/reaction. The whole Amelia giving The Doctor the smiley-face apple, then<br />
he giving the grown up Amy it back, 12 years later (although barely an hour in his<br />
timeline) was a great example of this.<br />
I enjoyed the Prisoner Zero story <strong>and</strong> thought that it was scary <strong>and</strong> funny in all the<br />
right places (scary for the kids, obviously…). Another aspect of Moffat’s writing I<br />
really like, is that he explains everything clearly. Sometimes plots that involve<br />
shape-shifting aliens <strong>and</strong> galactic police can get really confusing, but Moffat wrote<br />
some brilliant, but yet easy explanations as to why <strong>and</strong> how these things were<br />
happening. I just hope it continues in the same vain throughout the series!<br />
Overall, it was the best start we could have hoped for. Matt is just perfect in the<br />
role <strong>and</strong> he seems to be relishing<br />
it – he actually carries his sonic<br />
screwdriver with him, even if it<br />
means him getting stopped, whilst<br />
boarding an airplane! I’m just<br />
looking forward to ‘The Beast<br />
Below’ next week, when we can<br />
get a proper chance to judge Amy<br />
Pond.<br />
It can only get better, surely?<br />
DANIEL GEE
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
22
23<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
CRACKS<br />
An 11 th Doctor <strong>and</strong> Amy Story<br />
By David Rudden<br />
‘They say,’ murmured the Doctor, his ear pressed up against the TARDIS<br />
console, ‘All the truly great engineers can tell when a piece of machinery is about<br />
to fail.’<br />
He ran one long finger along the constellation of switches that adorned the<br />
instrument panel <strong>and</strong> stuck it in his mouth speculatively, brow furrowed in<br />
concentration. Around him, the ship gurgled <strong>and</strong> hummed, lights flashing in<br />
nonsense patterns across brass-edged screens.<br />
‘Well they’d hardly be truly great if they couldn’t, now would they?’ retorted his<br />
companion with an impudent grin, leaning back on her chair to watch the Doctor<br />
tap one screen <strong>and</strong> then another, consternation spreading across his lean<br />
features as he listened to the noise of screwdriver on glass.<br />
He shot her an irritated look.<br />
‘No, well, yes, well- Look. Not what I meant. Before anyone else knew something<br />
was wrong, before diagnostic scans, or instrument checks, before any hint of<br />
strain manifested itself, these people, these masters of their craft... They knew. ‘<br />
He paused for a moment, staring up into the chamber’s vaulted ceiling.<br />
‘It’s in the sound.’<br />
Amy’s smirk died on her face.<br />
‘You think there’s something wrong with the TARDIS?’<br />
He didn’t appear to notice she had spoken, his fingers dancing lightly over the<br />
controls. The TARDIS shuddered at his touch, lights flaring white <strong>and</strong> scarlet.<br />
‘It’s the sound you don’t hear until it stops... the wrong note, the discordance lost<br />
in the greater song, so small no-one else would hear it unless you were immersed<br />
in the symphony.’<br />
The TARDIS suddenly stopped, the last shivers dying away under Amy’s<br />
whitened knuckles. The Doctor’s voice was quiet.<br />
‘Unless you’re listening, you’d never even know it was there.’<br />
Amy tentatively loosened her grip on the railings, <strong>and</strong> pushed herself upright. The<br />
lights had faded now, the ship silent. She had never heard it this silent. There had
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always been noise before; the hissing of spinning cogs, a quiet hum like the<br />
reassuring murmur of a heartbeat. But now...<br />
Silence.<br />
‘We are hanging,’ the Doctor said, unable to keep a note of pride from his voice,<br />
‘in the space between one second <strong>and</strong> the next, right at the point where the<br />
present becomes the future, right where now becomes next. Scientists <strong>and</strong> time<br />
specialists have debated for centuries whether this point, the space between the<br />
present <strong>and</strong> the future, even exists as a measurable point, whether it’s even a<br />
thing at all.’<br />
He spun his screwdriver between his fingers.<br />
‘And I’ve parked us there.’<br />
He dropped his screwdriver into a jacket pocket <strong>and</strong> swept imperiously off the<br />
central platform towards the doors, motioning for Amy to follow. She did so<br />
reluctantly, her mind still turning over the implications of what the Doctor had said.<br />
If the TARDIS were to fail... Behind her, the instruments glowed, holding them<br />
static in the space between one moment <strong>and</strong> the next, spinning the barest fraction<br />
of a second out into eternity.<br />
The Doctor’s h<strong>and</strong> paused on the brass door h<strong>and</strong>le. He turned to look at Amy,<br />
<strong>and</strong> there was that utter seriousness on his face, that almost inhuman look of<br />
focus that she had already begun to associate with fear, adventure <strong>and</strong> an<br />
inordinate amount of running.<br />
‘This is it. The closest anyone can get to the cogs of the universe, the raw<br />
workings of time <strong>and</strong> space. We’ve stepped behind the painted backdrop of the<br />
cosmos, Miss Amy Pond, because something’s very, very wrong.’<br />
The doors of the TARDIS opened with a muted rattle, <strong>and</strong> Amy looked out on a<br />
paused universe.<br />
Nebulae hung in vast whorls of colour against the void of empty space, the<br />
closest stars vast orbs of coruscating fire, the furthest glittering like shards of<br />
frozen glass. She drew a shuddering breath, suddenly very conscious of the fact<br />
that it was only the arcane technology of the TARDIS that was keeping that same<br />
breath becoming leaden <strong>and</strong> icy in her chest.<br />
The Doctor showed no such apprehension, bracing his feet against the TARDIS’s<br />
doorframe <strong>and</strong> stretching forward, head outthrust like a sailor leaning into a storm.<br />
‘Where we are now, even the velocity of light is slowing down to treacle so I<br />
advise you to take a good look now, as things are about to get very, very dark.’
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‘Doctor, I still don’t underst<strong>and</strong>. What are we looking for?’<br />
‘I’m not sure,’ he said simply, ‘but there’s something. Something so big I can’t see<br />
the edges, something wrong across all of space <strong>and</strong> time that I can’t see yet, like<br />
an iceberg with all the sharp bits hidden underneath. Amy, I’m going to have to<br />
ask you to be as quiet as you can, as I need to concentrate on this.’<br />
She nodded, <strong>and</strong> he flashed her a brief, reassuring smile.<br />
‘Be right back.’<br />
The Doctor closed his eyes <strong>and</strong> listened.<br />
He filtered out the ever-present murmur of the TARDIS, too low for humans to<br />
hear, as much a feeling as a sound, as familiar to him as the beating of his hearts.<br />
There was the bird-quick patter of Amy’s pulse, the liquid rustle of cloth on her<br />
skin as she shifted nervously from foot to foot, her eyes fixed on him. She<br />
exhaled, <strong>and</strong> he heard the whispering hiss of molecule against molecule before<br />
that too faded to the white noise of irrelevance.<br />
Under that, under everything, was the ever-present rhythm, the sound of the<br />
universe itself as it slipped from one moment to the next, now frozen <strong>and</strong> inert,<br />
laid bare for him to examine. The Doctor filtered out everything but that, the<br />
constant susurrus that was the movement of time itself...<br />
...<strong>and</strong> flinched at the missing notes.<br />
On Andrestra Quintus in the year 4600, a child fell from a hotel balcony <strong>and</strong> never<br />
hit the ground.<br />
The Fourth Sontaran Army vanished before battle with a cadre of the Rutan Host<br />
could be joined, their weapons unfired, their final cries not of fear or rage but of<br />
childish confusion. It would have gone down in history as the only time any of that<br />
race had retreated, had any mention of the Fourth Army remained. The Consular<br />
of the Rutan cadre was executed soon afterwards for inexplicably deploying to an<br />
empty battlefield.<br />
In the Hephaestus Nebula, a star disappeared. Four ancient civilisations froze to<br />
death, unable to remember ever having been warm.<br />
The Doctor could hear it. His fingers tightened, the sound of shifting muscle<br />
deafening to his heightened senses. Across a thous<strong>and</strong> systems, across a million<br />
years, he could hear them opening like tears in fabric, like mouths hungry <strong>and</strong><br />
waiting.
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A rogue trading ship out of Hesperus fired their weapons desperately into<br />
something their scanners told them couldn’t exist, <strong>and</strong> the Doctor heard their<br />
screams as the cold, cleansing white light fell over them.<br />
Across the universe, people died <strong>and</strong> were forgotten in the same breath.<br />
Everything they had ever done, everyone they had ever loved simply... skipped a<br />
beat, <strong>and</strong> then continued.<br />
As if nothing had ever happened.<br />
‘Doctor?’<br />
He blinked, the sounds of the TARDIS suddenly rushing back in through the<br />
cracks in his concentration. He scrubbed a h<strong>and</strong> through his hair <strong>and</strong> whirled to<br />
face Amy, mouth twisted in irritation.<br />
‘I thought I said-‘<br />
He stopped when he saw the look on her face.<br />
‘Amy...’ he said softly, in the tones of someone trying to prevent a small animal<br />
from bolting, ‘don’t let it get to you. It’s just... it’s an illusion, a trick of where we<br />
are. Paused light, that’s nothing, that’s just science, science isn’t scary, it’s just...<br />
science.’<br />
She didn’t resist as he slipped his arms around her slim shoulders <strong>and</strong> fixed her<br />
widened eyes with his own. He pushed all thought of icy, erasing white light from<br />
his head <strong>and</strong> forced a reassuring smile.<br />
‘It’s fine, Amy. Just don’t look.’<br />
Behind them, the stars continued to go out.
27<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
Application To Be A Doctor Who Assistant<br />
(Or ‘Companion’ if you’re politically correct)<br />
Name: ……………………………………<br />
Gender: FEMALE/WOMAN<br />
Age: 18-19/20-23/24-26<br />
Would you be willing to wear as little clothes as possible? YES/YES<br />
Can you run? YES/NO/A BIT<br />
Can you scream at a decent pitch? YES/NO/LIKE MEL BUSH<br />
Are you able to send down a steady stream of easy <strong>and</strong>/or complex questions to a leading actor?<br />
YES/NO<br />
Would you be willing to partake in any interview <strong>and</strong> have your picture taken, no matter how creepy<br />
the journalist <strong>and</strong> photographer? YES/NO<br />
Are you able to feed false information to/take the piss out of the press? YES/NO<br />
Are you able to hide information from friends/family/pets? YES/NO<br />
How easily are you scared by fans? EASILY/VERY EASILY/TERRIFIED OF THEM<br />
Do you like/can put up with Children? YES/NO/I’VE SEEN NANNY McPHEE, SO I HAVE<br />
AN IDEA<br />
Would you be willing to go on children’s television <strong>and</strong> endure the awful presenters, who are trying<br />
to make something of themselves <strong>and</strong> impress you, because they failed terribly at drama school?<br />
YES/NO<br />
And would you be willing to laugh at their ‘jokes’? YES/NO/I’LL TRY MY BEST<br />
If/when your contract expires, would you be willing to return for a one-off appearance, a few times,<br />
in case we need to ruin your perfectly good exit as well as the current storyline? YES/DO I HAVE<br />
A CHOICE?*<br />
In no more than 10 words, tell us how much you want this position?<br />
Thank-you for filling out the application form!<br />
*No, you don’t have a choice (mwhahaha!)
28<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
Convention Report: Invasion – May 2010<br />
I’ve attended the Invasion conventions organised<br />
by 10 th Planet Events since 2005, but this year’s<br />
event marked a change from the usual format of<br />
holding panels <strong>and</strong> signing sessions throughout<br />
the day <strong>and</strong> instead had the signings in the<br />
morning <strong>and</strong> all the panels in the afternoon.<br />
I found this a welcome change <strong>and</strong> led to the<br />
event being way less stressful with the usual<br />
convention woes of ‘I’m missing that, because<br />
I’m doing this’.<br />
My day began with a train journey from my home<br />
in Cambridge then a half hour tube journey to<br />
Barking, where the convention was being held.<br />
Barking Abbey Comprehensive School (where<br />
the event was held) is an easy twenty minute<br />
straight walk from Barking Station.<br />
I’d opted just to get the one autograph <strong>and</strong> after registering at the front desk, the autograph<br />
rooms were easy to find <strong>and</strong> queues seemed short too. I queued up <strong>and</strong> got Peter Purves’s<br />
scrawl, he was friendly asking everyone where they’d come from to the event.<br />
I slightly regretted my decision to get just the one autograph, as I passed by a nearby room<br />
which saw Fraser Hines signing, but as I like to get photos signed (<strong>and</strong> I’m trying to save<br />
my money!) I realised there’d be other such opportunities.<br />
The weather for the first half of the day was glorious <strong>and</strong> I sat outside in the sun to eat my<br />
lunch <strong>and</strong> kill time, until the afternoon session started at 1pm.<br />
Some have said on Gallifrey Base (<strong>and</strong> I’m tempted to agree with them) that a bit of<br />
entertainment could have been provided to fill the gap between the morning <strong>and</strong> afternoon<br />
sessions - an episode screening or some highlights of previous events would have been<br />
welcome. I know from having attended Bad Wolf (another convention ran by 10 th Planet)<br />
in the past, that they are not adverse to such an idea.<br />
Although the panels were meant to start at 1pm, they were running several minutes late,<br />
so I took this opportunity to head to the dealers room <strong>and</strong> buy a couple of CD’s from Big<br />
Finish, who were due on stage first, but told me they’d yet to be called.<br />
The Big Finish panel finally kicked off some twenty minutes late <strong>and</strong> consisted of Marc<br />
Platt, Rob Shearman, David Richardson, Lisa Bowerman <strong>and</strong> Nick Briggs. It was<br />
surprisingly interesting, even if the guests were distracted at one point by an attendee<br />
falling asleep near the front of the crowd!
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<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
Next on stage was a panel celebrating the 60’s story The Mind Robber, the guests were<br />
Fraser Hines, Wendy Padbury <strong>and</strong> Hamish Wilson. All three of them were very<br />
entertaining <strong>and</strong> kept the crowd laughing <strong>and</strong> enthralled throughout.<br />
Next up were three guests I’d never seen at a con before, in a panel about Terry Nation’s<br />
1960’s Dalek movies - Jill Curzon, Yvonne Antrobus <strong>and</strong> making her first convention<br />
appearance, Shiela Stafal. They all had some interesting things to say about the films,<br />
though their memories were clearly jaded by time, but this didn’t matter that much as we<br />
got to learn about their long <strong>and</strong> varied careers.<br />
Up next on stage was the Monster Boys panel of Keith Guest, who’d played among others,<br />
a Marshman (from the story Full Circle) <strong>and</strong> Graham Cole who’d played a Cyberman,<br />
amongst others, but is now better know as PC Tony Stamp in The Bill. Keith in particular<br />
made the point that, during the shoot, Tom Baker had actually helped the Marshmen out<br />
by insisting their scenes were shot first so they could get out of costume.<br />
The penultimate panel of the day, <strong>and</strong> the star<br />
name for many, were the UNIT boys - Nick<br />
Courtney <strong>and</strong> Richard Franklin. Nick was<br />
praised for his recovery from recent health<br />
problems, which earned him a round of<br />
applause, as did quoting the classic line<br />
“Women….not my field!” Richard talked<br />
about working on the recent Hornet’s Nest<br />
CD’s with Tom Baker <strong>and</strong> was able to tell us<br />
that there would be some more of them.<br />
The final panel of the day was Peter Purves, Steven Taylor in the Hartnell era, now better<br />
known for his long stint as a Blue Peter presenter. He was the only guest I asked a<br />
question of, which led to him regaling us with a very funny Blue Peter anecdote.<br />
By this time, the weather had taken a turn for the worse <strong>and</strong> several of us stood by the exit<br />
hoping the rain would ease off, but as I was meeting a friend in a pub near the station - I<br />
had to make a move.<br />
All in all a very successful event, sadly not as many dealers as in previous years, neither<br />
was there a prop/costume display, which had also been a bit of a fixture at these events.<br />
There’s another Invasion convention in September, but presently the guest list isn’t<br />
attracting me.<br />
TIM DRURY (You can view more of Tim’s Invasion photos at<br />
http://bit.ly/invasionpics. Tim also hosts his own Doctor Who podcast, ‘Tim’s Take On’<br />
which you can catch at http://timstakeon.libsyn.com or on ITunes).
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<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
Why We HEART Doctor Who<br />
In a quest to take advantage of the ‘social<br />
networking’ we have at our disposal nowadays, we<br />
asked Doctor Who fans on Twitter why they loved<br />
Doctor Who, in no more than a ‘Tweet’ (142<br />
characters)<br />
It’s got nothing to do with being lazy <strong>and</strong>/or<br />
attempting to fill these pages up, ok?<br />
@TIMELORD23 “Because, as the 1990s proved, even if the show goes off the air,<br />
the franchise can never die”<br />
@CYBERTESTICLE “Adric dying”<br />
@BULLITT33 “Peri in #PlanetOfFire is the obvious choice”<br />
@CYBERTESTICLE “@fishcustardzine @Bullitt33 Peri in Planet of Fire, I forgot!<br />
What a marvellous acting debut.....i think....i'd imagine...i didn't notice”<br />
@TERRIBLEZODIN “It fired my childhood imagination <strong>and</strong> taught me the whole<br />
universe was a wonderful place”<br />
@WILLIAMTHEBLOOD “can't be done. Need much, much more than 140<br />
characters...”<br />
@DRWHOTIMEVORTEX “Because it is the maddest, funniest, scariest, saddest<br />
<strong>and</strong> most brilliant show in the universe!”<br />
@LTLOKISOL “what other show has transcended the generations? what man can<br />
any guy aspire to be? #DoctorWho besides, there's time travel”<br />
@SCSAUTTER “Five words: Spaghetti headed aliens in cravats! How can you not<br />
love this show?”<br />
@DOCTORWHONY “Because whatever mood you might be in, there's a<br />
#DoctorWho story that matches it <strong>and</strong> it will lift your day <strong>and</strong> inspire!”<br />
@DANNYDOGSNIPER “Because it gives me something to do, rather than smash<br />
up bus shelters on a Saturday evening”<br />
Don’t forget you can follow the fanzine on Twitter at<br />
http://www.twitter.com/fishcustardzine
31<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
“It could have been a spin-off…”<br />
Since the classic series, Doctor Who has been linked to spawning many spin-off’s. In<br />
1981 former companion, Sarah Jane Smith starred in ‘K9 <strong>and</strong> Company’ – the first Doctor<br />
Who spin-off. The proposed series wasn’t commissioned after the airing of the first<br />
episode (‘A Girl’s Best Friend’) <strong>and</strong> we had to wait until 2006 when Torchwood came<br />
along. Sarah (no Jane? – Ed) eventually got her own spin-off in the shape of ‘The Sarah<br />
Jane Adventures’.<br />
With these spin-offs, there have been many that haven’t made it, most notably ‘Rose<br />
Tyler: Earth Defence’ which was actually given a budget by the BBC, before Russell T.<br />
Davies changed his mind <strong>and</strong> pulled the plug, because he thought it was ‘a spin-off too<br />
far’.<br />
However, this hasn’t stopped fans from speculating (hoping?) to have more spin-offs.<br />
Some have been downright ridiculous, none of which deserve a look at. So here at <strong>Fish</strong><br />
<strong>Custard</strong> Towers (are you sure about that? – Ed) here are some spin-offs we would love to<br />
see…<br />
Mr <strong>and</strong> Mrs (Mickey) Smith<br />
A comedy/drama series starring Mickey <strong>and</strong> Martha which see the pair trundle through<br />
married life <strong>and</strong> run around knocking off rouge aliens in the absence of Torchwood. Like<br />
Brad Pitt <strong>and</strong> Angelia Jolie, but better - <strong>and</strong> funnier. Verdict: Like a modern day Laurel<br />
<strong>and</strong> Hardy, with guns – COMMISONED<br />
Bush <strong>and</strong> Glitz<br />
Mel Bush <strong>and</strong> Sabalom Glitz star in a ‘space opera’ that sees them travel around space<br />
looking for jobs. Unbeknown to Mel, Glitz is STILL on the thieve, despite vowing to<br />
change his ways <strong>and</strong> is being followed by a mysterious policeman… Verdict: Could be<br />
decent, only if Mel doesn’t scream – Put it on the MAYBE pile, just in case we need to<br />
make something quick ‘for tax reasons’<br />
The K Factor<br />
Forget the X Factor, or American Idol – The K<strong>and</strong>y Man from the episode ‘The<br />
Happiness Patrol’ hosts his own (fictional) talent contest, which attracts contestants from<br />
all across space. At the end of each episode, KM will sing a classic number (to get<br />
everyone ‘bopping’) <strong>and</strong> wear a ‘very revealing garment’. There’ll be phone votes (we<br />
need to make a profit somehow) <strong>and</strong> the losers will be cooked by the KM. Hard luck!<br />
Verdict: If Simon Cowell can do it… - COMMISONED WITH A FIVE YEAR<br />
CONTRACT
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<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
The Doctor’s Rose<br />
A love story about Doctor 10.5 <strong>and</strong> Rose Tyler, set in<br />
the alternative universe. The series follows The Doctor<br />
<strong>and</strong> Rose as they attempt to live together <strong>and</strong> settle in<br />
their new life. There’ll be plenty of ups <strong>and</strong> downs for<br />
our couple, as The Doctor will be attracted by the old<br />
slapper in the Queens Legs (a pub) <strong>and</strong> Rose will be<br />
physically assaulted by her gruff younger-brother Tony,<br />
on a regular basis. Not to mention the emotional<br />
turmoil her <strong>and</strong> her mother (but mostly Rose, as she is<br />
the only person that matters) have to go through as they try to readjust to this new<br />
universe <strong>and</strong> the fact that her Dad isn’t actually her real Dad, but he is (sort of). Can The<br />
Doctor save Rose from going down the alcoholic route, which she does to comfort herself,<br />
after everything becomes too much? Can their relationship survive? Will young Tony be<br />
shopped to the police? Verdict: Go away now before I kill you – REJECTED<br />
Travels With The Brig<br />
A travelogue starring Nick Courtney as The Brig, which sees him travelling to some of the<br />
world’s oddest places, such as Peru <strong>and</strong> Stoke-on-Trent. The Brig is very open about why<br />
he goes on these travels EVERY TIME Earth seems to get invaded <strong>and</strong> how a man in his<br />
late 70’s enjoys himself, without an internet connection. Verdict: Move over Michael<br />
Palin, the Brig is in town – COMMISSONED<br />
The Boy Who Lived<br />
Adventure series starring a grown-up Matthew Waterhouse (again – are you sure? – Ed)<br />
as Adric, as he fights to survive in prehistoric wilderness. Oh did we mention he survived<br />
the crash? Anyway, each week sees Adric dodge dinosaurs <strong>and</strong> tries to make a life for<br />
himself. Poor Adric then somehow manages to fall into a ‘special pool’ which makes him<br />
immortal <strong>and</strong> sees the series move on a time period every few series’. Like Stargate but<br />
better. Written by Eric Saward. Verdict: Sounds good but shite at the same time –<br />
OFFERED TO FOX<br />
Loose Kangs<br />
All the Kang-gangs from ‘Paradise Towers’ get together to chat about daily life in the<br />
tower block <strong>and</strong> about how being a young woman in there, isn’t all its cracked up to be.<br />
There’ll be hard discussions about Kang fashion, reminisces about the ‘Kang Games’,<br />
cooking lessons from the elderly <strong>and</strong> live music from the cleaners. Which Kangs are the<br />
best? Well all of them, obviously! Verdict: Interesting, would be better if a well-known<br />
actor was cast to give it some ‘gravitas’… – PILOT EPISODE COMMISONED<br />
So which ones would you watch? Send in your votes to the BBC!
33<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
The Doctor…In Wonderl<strong>and</strong><br />
Alice had been spending her afternoon quietly by the<br />
river, skipping stones rather badly on its still surface,<br />
when she saw a tall, skinny man in a bowtie run past,<br />
muttering, "I'm late!"<br />
This would not have been a major, out of the way<br />
occurrence, if the man had not been br<strong>and</strong>ishing a<br />
strange metal apparatus that was glowing bright green at<br />
the tip. Alice was immediately interested <strong>and</strong> after<br />
throwing her last stone directly at her older sister's head,<br />
to knock her out, she followed the man at a safe distance.<br />
He was running rather fast <strong>and</strong> Alice found herself quite<br />
out of breath by the time she caught up with him, at which<br />
point he was st<strong>and</strong>ing by a large hole in a tree trunk,<br />
pointing his metal w<strong>and</strong> at it with an expression of<br />
extreme concentration.<br />
"Shh" he said to Alice, as she stopped breathlessly by him. "I think," he continued, "that<br />
this hole is the physical appearance of a severe rip in the fabric of space <strong>and</strong> time..." He<br />
continued looking deeply into it <strong>and</strong> muttering to himself, before, to Alice's consternation,<br />
jumping right in with a gay shout of "Geronimo!"<br />
Alice, never one to be left behind when her curiosity was piqued, jumped right in after him.<br />
It was not how she imagined.<br />
Instead of a rather hard l<strong>and</strong>ing on solid earth, which she had expected, the rabbit hole<br />
seemed to go forever, twisting <strong>and</strong> turning beneath the tree, with all manner of curious<br />
objects catching her attention. Flying boxes made of iron, with no visible means of<br />
support. Machines that played thous<strong>and</strong>s of songs yet could fit in her h<strong>and</strong>. Gauntlets that<br />
caused death. Her head spun...<br />
After what seemed like an age, she hit solid ground with a bump. She opened her eyes<br />
<strong>and</strong> stared around. She was in a cavernous room, a massive table beside her <strong>and</strong> all<br />
around the walls were doors, some gigantic, some miniscule, all tempting. Beside her also<br />
was the strange man with the bowtie. He looked at her with interest.<br />
"Who are you then?" he asked.<br />
"I'm Alice" she said. "Who might you be?"<br />
He smiled. "I'm the Doctor," he said. He looked around. "We look like we're stuck, Alice,"<br />
he said. "There's a key on that table up there, but it looks like it will only fit that door -”<br />
(here he pointed to the tiniest door of all) "<strong>and</strong> we're both of us much too big to go through<br />
that."<br />
It was at that moment Alice noticed a small cake on the floor beside her. She picked it up<br />
<strong>and</strong> examined it. "It says 'Eat Me'" she reported.
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<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
"Alice" said the Doctor solemnly, "do you do everything that food tells you to do?"<br />
"I've never had food instruct me before!" exclaimed Alice.<br />
"Well then" he said, "there's a 50/50 chance that it will be good for you. Do you like those<br />
odds?"<br />
Alice considered the cake for a minute. It looked delicious. "Yes" she answered, <strong>and</strong><br />
swallowed it whole.<br />
A strange feeling consumed her, as if she was being flattened in a wringer, being<br />
squashed <strong>and</strong> compressed until nothing remained. She squeezed her eyes shut <strong>and</strong> tried<br />
not to cry.<br />
After what seemed like an eternity (but which was really just a moment) the feeling abated.<br />
She cracked open an eyelid.<br />
The table appeared suddenly to be a mountain, reaching for the sky. The Doctor, sitting by<br />
the table watching her, seemed to be a giant, looming above her, guarding Mount Table<br />
from mythical Billy goats.<br />
On the bright side, the unlockable door was now the right size for her.<br />
On the other h<strong>and</strong>, the key for it was now even further away.<br />
Alice began to cry. Her tears fell hot <strong>and</strong> heavy upon her dress, <strong>and</strong> she fell to her knees,<br />
sobbing. The Doctor awkwardly tried to pat her on the shoulder with his little finger. He<br />
nearly sent her through the floor.<br />
"Don't fret" he said. He knelt <strong>and</strong> shuffled forward to the door, metal apparatus in h<strong>and</strong>.<br />
He pointed it at the door. It made a strange, almost whirring sound, <strong>and</strong> the tiny door<br />
swung open.<br />
Alice stopped her crying <strong>and</strong> looked up at the Doctor. "I'm going to go through" she said<br />
bravely. "I'm going to see what's on the other side. Perhaps someone there can help me<br />
home."<br />
The Doctor nodded. "Here's hoping" he said, with an encouraging smile. "I bet you'll have<br />
fabulous adventures, Alice. Just try not to waste too much time on the Caucus Race. If<br />
there is such a thing. And be careful of the Queen. If there is one. I'm not saying there are<br />
any of those things."<br />
Alice gave him one last nod, <strong>and</strong> walked through the door, to the wondrous l<strong>and</strong> on the<br />
other side. However, just as she was passing through, she could have sworn she heard an<br />
extraordinary whooshing sound, followed by a muted shout of "Amy! What the hell?! You<br />
were supposed to be here ages ago!" but she put it from her mind. There were flowers<br />
talking to each other right in front of her, after all.<br />
EMMA DONOVAN
35<br />
Fanscination<br />
What is it about this show<br />
that truly fascinates me so?<br />
Dodgy monsters, flimsy plots,<br />
amazing literature it's not.<br />
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
Then why does it so grab my<br />
heart?<br />
Make me smile, make me hurt?<br />
Leave me wondering week by<br />
week<br />
what fascinating thing they'll meet.<br />
Is it the monsters? Is it the girls?<br />
Is it the man with the hair <strong>and</strong><br />
curls?<br />
Is it the future <strong>and</strong> the past?<br />
The possibilities <strong>and</strong> laughs?<br />
Does it soothe my mind, light my<br />
day<br />
just because it's bright <strong>and</strong> gay?<br />
It's not real deep, it's not real dire<br />
but I always feel I'm lifted higher.<br />
Maybe that's the thing I need<br />
an escape from hate <strong>and</strong> greed.<br />
A happy man, a cheerful ship<br />
And all of space <strong>and</strong> time to rip.<br />
Let's go!<br />
BETAWHO<br />
http://betawho.livejournal.com
<strong>Fish</strong> <strong>Fingers</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Custard</strong> <strong>Issue</strong> 1<br />
36