Victim's Informer Newsletter - Texas Department of Criminal Justice

TheVictim’s InformerTEXAS CRIME VICTIM CLEARINGHOUSE VOL.14, N.1 – MAR/APR 2009TAKING CONTROLVictims and the Mediation/Dialogue ProcessSusan Leinweber & Mike JonesTDCJ-Victim Services DivisionWhat would you say if you were given thechance to go into a Texas prison to confrontthe person who had devastated your life—theperson responsible for the pain and angeryou’ve harbored for years? Would you do it?You may be wondering: why would anyoneever choose to take such a step?ThE rEASOnS ThAT MOTIVATE VICTIMS of violent crime toseek out the Victim Offender Mediation/Dialogue process can bebewildering even for those who work in the criminal justice system.We can understand a person seeking restoration or restitutionfrom someone who burglarized their home or robbed them on thestreet. But what about the woman disabled by an angry gunman?Or the father who wants to speak to the person who raped andmurdered his daughter? Or the daughter molested by someone shetrusted beyond question?Some of the reasons victims choose to face the offenders responsiblefor their immeasurable pain and sorrow are common. Theymay want to tell them how devastated they are and how they sooften cannot eat or sleep. They may want the offenders to knowthat, on the nights that they are lucky enough to catch a few winks,the same recurring nightmare seems to always show up. They maywant the offenders to look into their eyes and listen—really listen—towhat they have to say. They may want the offenders to seehow much they hurt and try to understand the depth of their pain.Or they may simply want the offender to say he or she is sorry.Sometimes the reasons for meeting offenders are as uniqueand personal as the victimization itself. They have questions forcontinued on page 8TDCJvictim servicesAngie McCown DirectorMark Odom Deputy DirectorMary Kuenstler Assistant Deputy Director,Victim NotificationGene Stewart Assistant Deputy Director,ProgramsMike Jones Program Coordinator,Texas Crime VictimClearinghouseSheri Sikes Program Coordinator,Victim Impact PanelProgramJim Brazzil Program Coordinator,Victim Support &Community EducationSusan Leinweber Program Coordinator,Victim OffenderMediation/DialogueTHE VICTIM’S INFORMER is publishedquarterly and distributed to over4,000 individuals, state, and nationalorganizations. Articles, meeting notices,and other submissions should be sent toTDCJ-Victim Services Division, Texas CrimeVictim Clearinghouse, Attn: Editor, P. O. Box13401, Capitol Station, Austin, Texas 78711-3401; faxed to 512-452-1025; emailed totdcj.clearinghouse@tdcj.state.tx.us; or callus at 800/848-4284 or 512-406-5931.TxCVCPlease Note . . .Texas law requires that TDCJ-VictimServices Division request readers to notifyus annually, in writing, that they wish tocontinue receiving The Victim’s Informer.See page 4 for a convenient subscriptionform.

SPOTLIGHT on Victim Services DivisionThe AmazingLinda Starnes25 Years of Dedicated Service to the People of Texasby Libby Hamiltonlinda starnesWe in Victim Serviceswork hard to provide victims andtheir families the informationand notification afforded tothem in the Crime Victim Bill ofRights. Among us is a womanwho commits countless hours toensuring the accuracy of our work,and she is about to celebrate a veryimportant landmark within ouragency.Linda Starnes will mark her25th anniversary with the TexasDepartment of Criminal Justice inMarch 2009. Having received abachelor of arts degree in politicalscience from Radford Universityin Virginia, Linda and her familymoved to Austin, and she beganworking as a file clerk in the ParoleDivision in 1984. It didn’t takelong for her superiors to realizehow hard of a worker she was,so the promotions began. Firstas a clerical supervisor, then upto Administrative Assistant, andnext she became an analyst in theReview & Release Processing section.In August 2000 Linda was hired asan analyst with the Victim ServicesDivision. Her commitment anddedication as an analyst led to apromotion as a Program Specialist III,focusing on the Victim Informationand Notification Everyday (VINE)system in the Notification Section.She has also been involved with theBridges to Life program.During her time at Victim Services,Linda has seen a large increase inthe number of victimsregistered on ourVictim NotificationSystem, and hasworked tirelesslyto make certainthat each personreceives themost accurateand updatedinformationpossible. Mrs.Starnes arrivesat work early eachmorning, stays late each evening,and is highly respected by each ofus in Victim Services. Mark Odom,Deputy Director of VSD, said, “LindaStarnes has always placed a highpriority on loyalty and dedication.More importantly, she has the heartand commitment to serve crimevictims. She has been a critical partof the success of our division’s goal toinvolve victims in the criminal justiceprocess.”TxCVCVOL.14, N.1 – MAR/APR 20095

www.responsiblemen.netSafeplace - 512-267-SAFEwww.safeplace.orgTAASA - 1-800-656-HOPEwww.taasa.orgexperienced domestic violence or sexualassault. It is time for us to stand withwomen in solidarity and publicly speakout against family violence.”In order to prevent violence againstwomen, Diaz de Leon argues that wemust rely on the majority of men. “Thereare so many men who have committedviolent acts already, but we have to focuson the larger group of nonviolentmen who want to have healthy relationships.We need to support those men.”An Austin group called ResponsibleMen has made this idea its mission.Founded by improvisation actor andformer schoolteacher Ted Rutherford,Responsible Men espouses that sincemen are doing most of the damage,they need to be part of the solution.“Guys don’t understand how they’recontributing to sexism, which ultimatelyleads to violence against women,”reveals Rutherford. “A lot of guysdon’t mean to be sexist, but they doit often out of ignorance.” Male privilege,defined as the idea that there arerights granted to the male population insociety on the basis of their biologicalsex that the female population is usuallydenied, asserts Rutherford, is somethingthat all men should realize theyinnately possess. “If you look at men’ssalaries as those compared to women’sor if you look at men’s incarcerationrates for sexual assault or domestic violence,you will see that both sexes arenot treated equal.”Rutherford remembers his upbringing– “around the barbeque pit,” he callsit. “That’s where I learned how men aresupposed to act. All the women went toanother part of the house, and my malefamily members stood around talkingabout women. It’s time to rewrite thescript on interactions among men. Theyneed to be more gender-respectful, removethe sexist jokes, and talk aboutwomen having value for more than justtheir bodies. If young boys hear theirfathers having respectful conversationsabout women with other men, it willhave a huge impact on how they behaveas adults.”Already an official group with 106members on the popular social networkingwebsite, www.facebook.com,Responsible Men hopes to spread itsmessage virally. “I want men to talkto other men,” says Rutherford. “Weneed to redefine masculinity so that futuregenerations learn that the way torespect a woman is not to hurt her.” Rutherfordtakes his message to fathers,coaches and religious leaders throughworkshops and interactive training. Formore information about his group andhow to join, visit www. responsiblemen.net.Rutherford draws parallels of hisgroup to those outraged Americansfighting segregation in the 1960s. “Noteveryone was on board with racism, andthere had to be a group of people whostood up and said, ‘that’s not okay.’ Weare doing the same thing now with adifferent issue because all forms of oppressionare connected.”Currently, six of TAASA’s 21 staffmembers are men (approximately29%), and SafePlace has 13 male advocateson its 140-person staff (approximately9%). “If you would have askedme in 1985 if men should be workingside-by-side with me, I would haveadamantly said ‘no,’” reiterates Wilson.“Now, my answer is absolutely‘yes.’ We need men and women doingthis work together because it is about ahuman rights issue that knows no gender.”www.austinwomanmagazine.com“It is with our judgments as with our watches: no two go just alike, yet each believes his own.” - Alexander PopeTxCVCVOL.14, N.1 – MAR/APR 20097

Mediation; continued from front pagewhich only the offender has answers.What were my son’s last words? howlong did it take for my daughter to die?What were you doing there? Whyme?Sometimes the objective sought bystarting a mediation/dialogue with anoffender isn’t what the outcome brings.The victim who was shot in a bar by anangry drug dealer knew why he pickedher. She didn’t like him dealing in herbar and had run him out. Being embarrassedin front of his friends and clients,he returned to teach her a lesson even ifit meant leaving her disabled or dead.She feared her offender constantly duringthe several years he was on the run.And even after he was caught and sentto prison, she knew it would be onlya short time before he would be outagain. What then?She decided she needed to confrontthis man. her reasons were simpleenough. She wanted to show him theboxes of her medical records and bills.She wanted him to see how she struggledwith her disability and that shewould gladly trade his short prison sentencefor her life sentence. She wantedto know if she should still be scared ofhim. She didn’t care if he was sorry,and she certainly wasn’t ready to forgive.After the mediation, her fear wasgone, completely. he wasn’t the sameman who she remembered—who shepictured in her mind day after day—shooting up her bar in an angry rampage.he hadn’t till then ever reallythought about what he had done to heror how devastating her injurieswere. he was sorry andThere isno closure;there isand murdered her hadbecome a man in prison.he was sorry andgot the rare opportunity to sayonly thehe was. her obsession withgot the rare opportunityto say he was. Theand fear of him became momentumprocess offor her recovery.Often the answers that victimsseek aren’t wrapped inhealing. father’s obsession withunanswered questionsbecame a step towardcomplex, philosophical mystery. Buttheir simplicity is nonetheless profoundtrying to forgive himself.Sometimes a victim of violent crimeand life-changing. A father’s doesn’t need answers. She doesn’talmost universal belief is that he mustalways protect his family, especiallyhis children. While no more devastatingfor a mother whose child has beenmurdered, fathers whose kids are hurtor killed will almost always ask themselves:Why wasn’t I able to protectthem?his daughter’s body was found in aremote, desolate place. She had beenalone. She must have been terrified.So many questions. had her car brokendown? Why was she there? how didshe get abducted? her car had been inneed of a tune up; he had been too busyto get it done. he was going to get anew battery, new tires, new alternatorfor her car that weekend. he was nevergoing to forgive the monster who didthis or himself for allowing it to happen.But he needed to know why her?Why wasn’t he able to protect her? helearned that she had just stopped at aparticular store on a particular day fora Coke, a candy bar, and a few bucksworth of gas. The monster was at thestore, too. The opportunity was there,so he took her. She was trusting. Shewas vulnerable. The boy who rapedneed to forgive. She just wants to tellthe person who violated her trust andher young body that she was fine, eventhough she hadn’t been fine for many,many years. But, in spite of what hehad done to her, by golly she was incontrol now.She can’t remember how many yearsof shame and therapy she endured. Shedoesn’t remember how many decentboys or men she had avoided becauseshe couldn’t trust any of them. Shewas angry for not having a father, andeven a little bit jealous of her friendswho did. What was it like to have a dadwho helped you with your homework?Who taught you to ride a bike? Whowould walk you down the aisle? Whowould always be there to protect you?She can’t count how many times shebecame nauseated and repulsed at thesight of a certain type of candy, and icecream cone, or a doll? These had beensome of the things used way back whento bribe her into compliance.She confronted the person who tookadvantage of her vulnerability andtrust. But, through hard work and percontinuedon page 108THE VICTIM’S INFORMER

Forgivenessby Cheryl HunterForgiveness is typically defined as the process ofconcluding resentment, indignation or anger as aresult of a perceived offense, difference or mistake,and ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgivenessas ‘to grant free pardon and to give up all claim onaccount of an offense or debt’.I must admit that this concept hasnever been a strong point with me.However, as I age, I learn more andthese lessons have definitely changedmy perspective. Last year, I wrote anarticle for our newsletter about Parasailing.The changes that parasailing madein my life were positive following thedeath of my beloved daughter MistyDawn Hunter and her friend. This pastyear has been a good year for me. Myhealth has improved, I am active in mycommunity as a volunteer for MADD,Friends of the Family (Sexual AssaultTeam assisting those who are victimsof sexual assault), and recently takingcare of the newborn babies who cometo my church--what fun--a couple ofdays a week. Life is better. But, I stillhad one last hurdle to get over--thehardest hurdle of all. And that had todo with forgiveness.Anger is a funny thing. It never hurtsthe person with whom you are angry,but it does take a great personal toll onthe one who is angry. I have been angryat the man who made the choice todrink and then get behind the wheel ofhis ¾ ton pick-up, killing my daughterand her best friend. He brought suchblinding pain to me that Itruly believed I would neverhave a real life again. I turnedmy back on God and also myfaith as a result of the injusticeserved upon these two beautifulyoung women. I musthave asked a million times “WHY” andI will understand someday, but I do nothave to understand today.On February 20, 2009, I had a face toface meeting with the man who killedmy daughter. I have been preparing forthis moment for the past eight monthswith the assistance of the State of Texas-CriminalJustice Division VictimServices Mediator. This process is inplace for the benefit of those victimswho have lost family members to violentcrimes. It is strictly voluntary forboth parties. I had to request mediationand it took a year for CJD just to get tome to start the process. I met with themediator and he gave me some formsto fill out. He asked me why I wantedto do this. I told him that this manhad never told me he was sorry. Also,I had said some things that I wished Ihad not said to him during the trial. Ialso said that I wanted to know whathe remembered about the crash and seeif he had any remorse for his actions. Imet with the mediator each month foreight months, and each time we met wediscussed the why’s, how’s and when’sof the program. The offender had toagree to meet with me, and he couldwithdraw his consent at any point in theprocess even after our personal meetinghad started.It was during this preparation timethat I realized how much damage I haddone to myself by harboring this angerand resentment I had toward the offender.He did not get sick from myhate, but I did. I was hospitalized 13times in the first year after her death alldue to stress-related illnesses. I reallyhad a desire to die. But I had made apromise to Misty that, if she ever diedbefore me, I would not give up on living.I went through the motions ofliving, putting one foot in front of theother day after day with no meaning orjoy. I could not sleep so I ate to keep upmy energy, gaining 75 pounds over afive year period. I felt alone in a crowdand hopeless most of the time. I cutout celebrating anything except at workwith my CIGNA family. I am sure that Iwas not always pleasant, but somehowthey all managed to love me throughthe pain in spite of myself.My daughter-in-law accompaniedme to the state prison facility wherethe offender is incarcerated. He is justabout to complete the first of two sixyear sentences that he received for thedrunk driving fatalities. I did not knowwhat feelings to expect when I saw theoffender again. I had asked everyone Iknow to lift me up in prayer to God onthat day. I was very surprised when Icontinued on page 10TxCVCVOL.14, N.1 – MAR/APR 20099

Mediation; continued from page 8severance, she had regained what she needed: power andcontrol of her life. He may never figure out or admit to howmuch damage he caused, and he let the rare opportunity toreally say he was sorry slip by. She got to show him that shehad gained the strength to overcome what he had done. Shewas strong and in control. her obsession with her violationbecame another phase of reclaiming her life.From mediations conducted over the years, many participantshave felt the layers of anger and fear, hatred andcontempt peel away, sometimes in only a matter of hours.Seemingly unfillable gaps of uncertainty and confusion beginto close. Extraordinary transformations in attitude, confidence,courage, and demeanor occur. And, time and again,the bold steps these victims have taken are paying off.Even after mediation/dialogue, victims of violent crimestill grieve, still yearn, and still cry. There is no closure;there is only the process of healing. There is no getting overit, but there is moving forward.To protect the integrity of the Victim Offender Mediation/Dialogue Program, the process is kept strictly confidential.The situations referred to in this article are fictitious,although they are based on actual mediation cases. To learnmore about the VOM/D Program, contact us at 800-848-4284or via email at victim.svc@tdcj.state.tx.us.Victim Offender Mediation/Dialogue Pioneer DiesLOnG-TIME ABILEnE rESIDEnTand Texas victim services pioneer,Cathy Phillips, died on February 28,2009 in Abilene. She was 57.Ms. Phillips was instrumental in thedevelopment of the TDCJ-Victim ServicesDivision’s Victim Offender Mediation/DialogueProgram.In 1990, her daughter, Brenda, wasabducted, raped, and murdered by AnthonyYanez. Ms. Phillips had questionsshe needed answered, and Yanezwas the only person who could supplythe answers. At the time, programslike VOM/D were unheard of and few10THE VICTIM’S INFORMERForgiveness; continued from page 9could understand Ms. Phillips motivation.With Ms. Phillips guidance andperseverance, the VOM/D program beganto take shape.Despite her failing health, Ms. Phillipsremained active with victim advocateprograms in Texas such as Parentsof Murdered Children. She was honoredby Governor Bush in 1996 for hervolunteer work with TDCJ. In 1999she received the Governor’s VolunteerService Award, and in 2003, the TexasCrime Victim Clearinghouse conferencewas dedicated to her in honor ofher work.saw him come into the room as all I felt for him was compassion.I believe that the prayers of my friends brought me outof my human boundaries and placed me in my spiritual beingwhere I was able to view him as a man who made a badchoice not simply as a bad man. I was able to forgive himin my heart of hearts. I know that was what I was supposedto do. As we talked, I felt the weight lift from my shouldersand experienced a new found freedom to live again.I now have something to add to the story of loss that I tellwhen I do my speeches for MADD. I can now tell those inthe audience who are court-ordered to be there that I havefound forgiveness to a degree that I never knew existed. Ifeel that through speaking to them about the crash that foreverchanged my life--I have much to teach them. I havelearned that anyone can find themselves making poor choices.I am not perfect but I am forgiven; so who am I to withholdforgiveness from anyone?I know my sweet daughter would have wanted me to forgivehim. She would understand that this in no wayreduces our loss but increases the value of her life.TEXAS DEPARTMENT OFCRIMINAL JUSTICEOFFENDER TELEPHONESYSTEMa neW LaWauThorIzeD bYsb1580 of 80thLegislative sessionexpands prisoninmates’ accessto phones. If you are a victim orconcerned citizen who is registeredon our confidential Victim Notificationsystem and we have your currentphone information, your phone numberwill be automatically screened outfrom inmate access. Look for moreinformation in the June/July issue ofThe Victim’s Informer.

Letting Go; continued from page 3Involve the Family. Help yourfamily–they are grieving too.I came up with this idea of a familycandlelight memorial to give my sonsan opportunity to share their feelings.We sat in a circle holding our candles,adhering to rules of respect for any personalexpressions of pain without askingquestions. At each one’s turn, theircandle was lit. “…I didn’t get to knowLeslie very well because she died whenI was 15. I’m glad that she was a part ofmy life. She was an inspiration to me,”said Karlon. Corey added, “Leslie wasmy best friend. There used to be a voidin my life but I filled that void with hermemories.” Together we comfortedone another, confirming that family isvery important in times of grief.Acceptance. Accept the realityof your loss.I was not with Leslie when she died,but I believe God and ministering angelswere there to take her home. MaybeI will never fully understand why shehad to go, but I love and trust God whoknows the answer. Leslie is no longerlifelessly lying in the emergency roomwhere I left her on September 11, 1992.Neither am I there, crying with shouldhave and could have.Forgiveness. In letting go,forgiveness is essential.I forgave myself for not being ableto save Leslie. However unrealistic,it was a mother’s dilemma. Forgiven,I thanked God for putting up with mewhile asking Him hard questions aboutthe providential care of His children.Mediation and conversations with oneof Leslie’s killers and the co-workershe was helping brought a measure ofpeace. No longer broken and incomplete,I embraced the strong legacy thatLeslie left behind, and felt energized tocreate my own legacy.Heal - Grow - Rebuild. Healingpromotes growth and rebuilding.My hope for all mothers is to eventuallyfind some meaning for these sadhappenings in our lives, and that weheal and grow. Leslie has gone back tothe heavenly father that sent her to me,and is resting peacefully from her laborin His bosom. After making peace withher demise, I feel a deeper connectionto her spirit that resonates every part ofmy being. I believe God left a pieceof Leslie within me to continue the essenceof who she was, and that He doesthe same for every mother who loses achild. I carry this essence with me everyday as I reach out to others, helpingto make their lives better.Forever Changed. We are foreverchanged by the experiencesof loss and grief.With heaviness and thankfulness,saying good-bye to yesterday opened awhole new world of new possibilities.To bring Leslie into my future, I holdon to memories that are special and foreveretched in my thoughts and heart. Iencourage you to hold on to your memories,and when they bring laughter, letyourself smile, when they bring sadness,let yourself cry, but try not to lingerin a depressed state of mind. Bothjoy and tears, I believe, are the body’sway of communicating with the deepconnection to our children’s spirit.I hope these words from a mother’sheart will encourage and awaken youto let go of yesterday, so you can moveforward, holding your child in yourspirit in a healthy way, using your experienceto help yourself and others. “APersonal Journey–Finding Wings WithShattered Pieces inspires hope that thehuman spirit is resilient enough to notonly survive but to thrive after a devastatingpersonal tragedy,” says JeannetteLaFontaine, Trauma Support Servicesof North Texas, Inc.Please visit the Leslie K. BedfordMemorial Foundation website at:www.lesliekbedfordfoundation.org/To learn more about Victim Offender Mediation/Dialogue, VictimImpact Panels, or any other TDCJ-Victim Services Division program,contact us at 800-848-4284 or victim.svc@tdcj.state.tx.usTxCVCVOL.14, N.1 – MAR/APR 200911

TEXAS DEPARTMENT OF CRIMINAL JUSTICETEXAS CRIME VICTIM CLEARINGHOUSEP O BOX 13401 CAPITOL STATIONAUSTIN TX 78711-3401PRSRT STDU.S. PostagePAIDAustin, TexasPermit 3785April 26–May 2, 2009National Crime Victims’ Rights Week25 Years of Rebuilding Lives:Celebrating the Victims of Crime Actwww.ojp.usdoj.gov/ovc/ncvrw/welcome.htmlDATES OF INTERESTAugust 23-27, 2009NOVA 35th Annual Victim Assistance ConferenceWestin Kierland Resort & SpaScottsdale, Arizonawww.trynova.orgMay 27 – 29, 2009Fifth National Sexual Assault Response Team (SART)Training Conference; Westin Hotel SeattleSeattle, Washingtonhttp://www.sane-sart.com/June 22 – 24, 20092009 National Center for Victim’s of Crime OrganizationHyatt Regency Washington Capitol HillWashington DChttp://www.ncvc.orgSeptember 15-18, 2009TVSA Conference; El Pasowww.txvsa.orgOctober 13 – 19, 2009National Association of Victim ServiceProfessionals in Corrections3rd Annual National ConferenceRenaissance Austin HotelAustin, Texaswww.navspic.orgNovember 19 - 21, 2009Office of the Attorney General of Texas2009 Texas Crime Victims Services ConferenceRenaissance Austin Hotel, Austinwww.oag.state.tx.us/victims/victim_train.shtml(Reservations starting in early Spring 2009)