Victim's Informer Newsletter - Texas Department of Criminal Justice

Mediation; continued from front pagewhich only the offender has answers.What were my son’s last words? howlong did it take for my daughter to die?What were you doing there? Whyme?Sometimes the objective sought bystarting a mediation/dialogue with anoffender isn’t what the outcome brings.The victim who was shot in a bar by anangry drug dealer knew why he pickedher. She didn’t like him dealing in herbar and had run him out. Being embarrassedin front of his friends and clients,he returned to teach her a lesson even ifit meant leaving her disabled or dead.She feared her offender constantly duringthe several years he was on the run.And even after he was caught and sentto prison, she knew it would be onlya short time before he would be outagain. What then?She decided she needed to confrontthis man. her reasons were simpleenough. She wanted to show him theboxes of her medical records and bills.She wanted him to see how she struggledwith her disability and that shewould gladly trade his short prison sentencefor her life sentence. She wantedto know if she should still be scared ofhim. She didn’t care if he was sorry,and she certainly wasn’t ready to forgive.After the mediation, her fear wasgone, completely. he wasn’t the sameman who she remembered—who shepictured in her mind day after day—shooting up her bar in an angry rampage.he hadn’t till then ever reallythought about what he had done to heror how devastating her injurieswere. he was sorry andThere isno closure;there isand murdered her hadbecome a man in prison.he was sorry andgot the rare opportunity to sayonly thehe was. her obsession withgot the rare opportunityto say he was. Theand fear of him became momentumprocess offor her recovery.Often the answers that victimsseek aren’t wrapped inhealing. father’s obsession withunanswered questionsbecame a step towardcomplex, philosophical mystery. Buttheir simplicity is nonetheless profoundtrying to forgive himself.Sometimes a victim of violent crimeand life-changing. A father’s doesn’t need answers. She doesn’talmost universal belief is that he mustalways protect his family, especiallyhis children. While no more devastatingfor a mother whose child has beenmurdered, fathers whose kids are hurtor killed will almost always ask themselves:Why wasn’t I able to protectthem?his daughter’s body was found in aremote, desolate place. She had beenalone. She must have been terrified.So many questions. had her car brokendown? Why was she there? how didshe get abducted? her car had been inneed of a tune up; he had been too busyto get it done. he was going to get anew battery, new tires, new alternatorfor her car that weekend. he was nevergoing to forgive the monster who didthis or himself for allowing it to happen.But he needed to know why her?Why wasn’t he able to protect her? helearned that she had just stopped at aparticular store on a particular day fora Coke, a candy bar, and a few bucksworth of gas. The monster was at thestore, too. The opportunity was there,so he took her. She was trusting. Shewas vulnerable. The boy who rapedneed to forgive. She just wants to tellthe person who violated her trust andher young body that she was fine, eventhough she hadn’t been fine for many,many years. But, in spite of what hehad done to her, by golly she was incontrol now.She can’t remember how many yearsof shame and therapy she endured. Shedoesn’t remember how many decentboys or men she had avoided becauseshe couldn’t trust any of them. Shewas angry for not having a father, andeven a little bit jealous of her friendswho did. What was it like to have a dadwho helped you with your homework?Who taught you to ride a bike? Whowould walk you down the aisle? Whowould always be there to protect you?She can’t count how many times shebecame nauseated and repulsed at thesight of a certain type of candy, and icecream cone, or a doll? These had beensome of the things used way back whento bribe her into compliance.She confronted the person who tookadvantage of her vulnerability andtrust. But, through hard work and percontinuedon page 108THE VICTIM’S INFORMER