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THIS LIFE: THE NATURAL BARDO 121In Tibetan ego is called dak dzin, which means "grasping to aself." Ego is then defined as incessant movements of graspingat a delusory notion of "I" and "mine," self and other, and allthe concepts, ideas, desires, and activity that will sustain thatfalse construction. Such a grasping is futile from the start andcondemned to frustration, for there is no basis or truth in it,and what we are grasping at is by its very nature ungraspable.The fact that we need to grasp at all and go on and on graspingshows that in the depths of our being we know that theself does not inherently exist. From this secret, unnervingknowledge spring all our fundamental insecurities and fear.So long as we haven't unmasked the ego, it continues tohoodwink us, like a sleazy politician endlessly parading boguspromises, or a lawyer constantly inventing ingenious lies anddefenses, or a talk show host talking on and on, keeping up astream of suave and emptily convincing chatter, which actuallysays nothing at all.Lifetimes of ignorance have brought us to identify thewhole of our being with ego. Its greatest triumph is to inveigleus into believing its best interests are our best interests, andeven into identifying our very survival with its own. This is asavage irony, considering that ego and its grasping are at theroot of all our suffering. Yet ego is so convincing, and we havebeen its dupe for so long, that the thought that we might everbecome egoless terrifies us. To be egoless, ego whispers to us,is to lose all the rich romance of being human, to be reducedto a colorless robot or a brain-dead vegetable.Ego plays brilliantly on our fundamental fear of losing control,and of the unknown. We might say to ourselves: "Ishould really let go of ego, I'm in such pain; but if I do, what'sgoing to happen to me?"Ego will chime in, sweetly: "I know I'm sometimes a nuisance,and believe me, I quite understand if you want me toleave. But is that really what you want? Think: If I do go,what's going to happen to you? Who will look after you? Whowill protect and care for you like I've done all these years?"And even if we were to see through ego's lies, we are justtoo scared to abandon it, for without any true knowledge ofthe nature of our mind, or true identity, we simply have noother alternative. Again and again we cave in to its demandswith the same sad self-hatred as the alcoholic feels reachingfor the drink that he knows is destroying him, or the drugaddict groping for the drug that she knows after a brief highwill only leave her flat and desperate.