Sept. - The Raleigh Hatchet, a monthly music, art and humor ...

he Body Commodity:Or Having a Creative Meeting with Your Pornstary Libby Lynnast week, I attended a creative meetingith a famous pornstar. It was her first visito North Carolina, and I was thrilled at thehance to meet her. I’d enjoyed her previousork exactly seven times, and spent severalours assembling an outfit that wouldn’take me look too humungous.Aside from their chosen careers andreast implants, there is one thing thatost pornstars have in common: They’rencredibly petite, tiny people. I’ve neveret an Adult star who stood over fiveeet tall. I’m five eight in heels, I weigh 140ounds, I’m naturally boisterous, and I’m aig fan of this lady. I didn’t want to frightener, so I wore a long black skirt with flatsnd took my medication.Imagine what this is like for me:I’m sitting at a large conference tableith several associates. We’re equippedith palm pilots, legal pads and years ofrofessional experience. It’s nine in theorning. The summer, which is particularlyorgeous this year, is blasting through theindows like pollen bombs, and everyones fidgeting. Deadlines loom. This meetings eating up a chunk of needed time.e’ve gathered here after receiving thiselegram:[PORNSTAR] WILL BE MEETING WITHS AT 9. STOP. PLEASE COME PREPARED,S MEETING IS SHORT DUE TO SCHEDULEONFLICTS. STOP. EXISTING MATERIALSILL PROVIDE VISUAL REFERENCE AS TOUR REQUIREMENTS. STOP. BE NICE. STOP.Now, imagine what this is like for theorn star.[PORNSTAR], who shall here forth beeferred to (and I refer to my How to Pickour Pornstar Name guide) as Maddie Jones,nters stage right. She is accompanied by aandom other, as pornstars often are.These others are known as Suitcaseimps; I don’t have much to say abouthem because I haven’t found themo be particularly useful. A commonisconception in the Adult industry is thatnly females have SP’s, which I’ve found toe false. Most of the male pornstars I meetave at least three random SP’s in tow,hereas females typically have one.Maddie and her SP glance aroundthe room with nervous eyes; they’reoutnumbered and out of their territory.The ratio is something like 5 Marketeers: 1Pornstar + 1. It’s no wonder they’re nervous.They sit across from us and smile.“Good morning, Maddie!” we say.“Hi,” Maddie smiles.“Good morning, Suitcase Pimp!” we say.“Hey what’s up,” SP says.“Welcome to ADAM & EVE!” we grin.One coworker gets up to facilitatethe meeting. She heads to the giant dryeraseboard, which is typically reservedfor sales and results meeting. After a briefintroduction to why we - five professionals,one pornstar and one SP - are in this room,she pops the top off a marker and beginstaking notes.We’ve been in this meeting less thanfive minutes when I blurt out “So, Maddie,do you do anal?” I find this questionperfectly acceptable. But here’s a valuablelife lesson: Even when dealing with peoplewho make money off their privates, thereare some subjects that are still private.Maddie blushes and looks at us withher dewy doe eyes. I shut my talk hole. Thefacilitator interrupts the silence and steersto a new topic.“Maddie, don’t you have a photo shootcoming up in a few weeks?” the facilitatorasks.“Um, I think. On the fifteenth orsomething,” Maddie says. “For, like, boxcovers and lingerie, maybe.”“Do you think you could do some extraglams so we can use them to promotedifferent products on web and printpresentations?”Maddie’s eyebrows drop. “What?”The facilitator reassesses. “Do you thinkyou could do some nude and clothedphotographs in sexy poses? We can usethese pictures on our website and inour catalogs that customers get in theirmailboxes. Like, if you pretended youwere having an orgasm, which we call anorgasmic pose, we could take that pictureand put it on a flyer. Then, we’d put avibrator next to you, so when someonesees you having an orgasm next to the vibe,they’ll think Oh, I want to have an orgasmjust like Maddie Jones!”Maddie smiles. “Oh. Totally!”And then things take a bad turn. We’reconstantly in need of glams and newvisuals, and we bombard poor Maddie withrequests and demands.“Can you do a shhh shot, with yourfinger to your lips?”“How ‘bout one with the camerabetween your legs, zooming in on yourbreasts?”“We need some generic holiday photos,especially Christmas.”“I’d love some fully clothed smart-girlshots. Can you get a pair of glasses?”“I’m so glad you have natural tits. Canwe get some close-ups for organic breastenhancement products?”“We need a placement shot, somethingwhere you fake-hold something so we canphotoshop a vibe or a dildo or somethinginto your hands.”“Maddie, do you do nice ass shots?”“Oh, YES. We need ass shots up the ass.”“Yea, tons of ass shots. Bend over shots.And some beaver shots. Do you shave?”“Do you have good legs? We alwaysneed some good leg photos.”Maddie interrupts and lifts her frenchmanicuredhands. “OK. Let’s hold a minute.Would you mind taking turns so I can writethis all down? I have a lot of modelingexperience and I will do all of these poses.I’ll make sure they fit what you need. But Iwon’t understand what you want if you alltalk at once.”We pause, a little stunned.“And yes, I do anal,” she says.Our hearts leapt with joy. Golden beamsof sunlight fanned across the conferencetable. We saw the future reflected inthe wood, and it was good. We gazed atMaddie’s beautiful face, we kneeled at herpedicured feet, we saw that she wore ViaSpigas instead of clear plastic stripper heels.We genuflected to the curving beauty ofher erection-friendly ass. And we embracedMaddie with reverent, consecrated, eternaland conditionless love.Libby Lynn is a local writer who worksat Adam & Eve headquarters. Althoughher stories don’t represent their views orpolicies, she strongly encourages you to visitadameve.com, and request a catalog. You’llget 50% off any item when you do!sex11